diff --git a/app.py b/app.py
index bcdad69..7229434 100644
--- a/app.py
+++ b/app.py
@@ -646,6 +646,7 @@ def _process_batch_gen(self, batch):
                 self.is_running = False
 
     def run_tournament(self, variations, subreddits, sort_by, time_filter, post_type):
+        yield f"<<<TOURNAMENT_START>>>{json.dumps(variations)}"
         yield "🏆 Starting Query Tournament (5 competing variations):"
         for i, var in enumerate(variations, 1):
             yield f"   {i}. [{var['type']}] \"{var['query']}\""
@@ -663,7 +664,9 @@ def run_tournament(self, variations, subreddits, sort_by, time_filter, post_type
                     stats = future.result()
                     # New weighted score
                     v_score = (stats['high_quality'] * 10) + (stats['avg_score'] * 0.5)
-                    performance[var['query']] = {**stats, "v_score": v_score, "type": var['type']}
+                    v_data = {**stats, "v_score": v_score, "type": var['type'], "query": var['query']}
+                    performance[var['query']] = v_data
+                    yield f"<<<TOURNAMENT_RESULT>>>{json.dumps(v_data)}"
                     yield f"   📊 Variant '{var['type']}': {stats['high_quality']} matches found (avg {stats['avg_score']:.1f}) | Score: {v_score:.1f}"
                 except Exception as e:
                     logger.error(f"Tournament error: {e}")
@@ -724,6 +727,13 @@ def _test_variation(self, var, subreddits, sort_by, time_filter, post_type):
 
     def execute(self, query, subreddits, sort_by="new", time_filter="all", post_type="any", limit=100):
         # 0. Show Configuration
+        pass_info = {
+            "query": query,
+            "sort": sort_by,
+            "time": time_filter,
+            "limit": limit
+        }
+        yield f"<<<SEARCH_PASS>>>{json.dumps(pass_info)}"
         yield f"\n🔍 Search Pass Configuration:"
         yield f"   Query: {query}"
         yield f"   Sort: {sort_by} | Time: {time_filter} | Limit: {limit}/sub"
@@ -906,6 +916,7 @@ def search(
             core_constraints = self.llm.extract_core_characteristics(criteria)
             
             if core_constraints and "core_constraints" in core_constraints:
+                yield f"<<<CORE_CONSTRAINTS>>>{json.dumps(core_constraints['core_constraints'])}"
                 themes = [c["theme"] for c in core_constraints["core_constraints"]]
                 yield f"   🔒 Identified Mandatory constraints: {', '.join(themes)}"
             
@@ -1011,6 +1022,7 @@ def quota_met():
         self._log_search_metrics(overall_query, criteria or keywords, subreddits, len(final_posts), duration)
         
         # Show Detailed Stats
+        yield f"<<<SEARCH_STATS>>>{json.dumps(pipeline.stats)}"
         yield "\n📊 Search Statistics:"
         yield f"   - Posts fetched from Reddit: {pipeline.stats['fetched']}"
         yield f"   - Posts analyzed by LLM: {pipeline.stats['analyzed']}"
@@ -1233,6 +1245,84 @@ def api_generate_query():
         return jsonify({"error": str(e)}), 500
 
 
+@app.route("/api/curate/init", methods=["POST"])
+def api_curate_init():
+    data = request.json
+    if not data or not data.get("description"):
+        return jsonify({"error": "Description required"}), 400
+
+    desc = data["description"]
+    provider = data.get("provider", "mistral")
+    llm = LLMFilter(provider)
+
+    # 1. Extract Core Characteristics
+    core = llm.extract_core_characteristics(desc)
+
+    # 2. Vocabulary Context (Learning)
+    vocabulary_context = None
+    tagged_db = load_tagged_results()
+    favorites_db = load_favorites()
+    training_data = {**tagged_db, **favorites_db}
+    if training_data:
+        similar = find_similar_posts(desc, training_data, top_k=8)
+        if similar:
+            vocabulary_context = analyze_vocabulary(similar)
+
+    # 3. Generate Variations
+    variations = llm.generate_query_variations(
+        desc,
+        num_variations=5,
+        core_constraints=core,
+        vocabulary_context=vocabulary_context
+    )
+
+    return jsonify({
+        "core_constraints": core.get("core_constraints", []) if core else [],
+        "variations": variations,
+        "vocabulary_context": vocabulary_context
+    })
+
+
+@app.route("/api/results", methods=["GET"])
+def list_results():
+    os.makedirs("results", exist_ok=True)
+    files = [f for f in os.listdir("results") if f.endswith(".json")]
+    results = []
+    for f in files:
+        try:
+            with open(os.path.join("results", f), "r") as jf:
+                data = json.load(jf)
+                # If it's the new format with metadata
+                if isinstance(data, dict) and "results" in data:
+                    results.append({
+                        "id": f.replace(".json", ""),
+                        "query": data.get("query", ""),
+                        "criteria": data.get("criteria", ""),
+                        "timestamp": data.get("timestamp", 0),
+                        "count": len(data.get("results", []))
+                    })
+                else:
+                    # Old format (just list of posts)
+                    results.append({
+                        "id": f.replace(".json", ""),
+                        "query": f,
+                        "timestamp": os.path.getmtime(os.path.join("results", f)),
+                        "count": len(data)
+                    })
+        except: continue
+
+    return jsonify(sorted(results, key=lambda x: x["timestamp"], reverse=True))
+
+
+@app.route("/api/results/<result_id>", methods=["GET"])
+def get_result(result_id):
+    path = os.path.join("results", f"{result_id}.json")
+    if not os.path.exists(path):
+        return jsonify({"error": "Not found"}), 404
+    with open(path, "r") as f:
+        return jsonify(json.load(f))
+
+
 @app.route("/api/blacklist", methods=["GET"])
 def get_blacklist():
     if os.path.exists(BLACKLIST_FILE):
@@ -1397,13 +1487,7 @@ def send(msg):
             try:
                 msg = next(it)
                 if msg.startswith("<<<POST_SCORED>>>"):
-                    try:
-                        data = json.loads(msg.replace("<<<POST_SCORED>>>", ""))
-                        clean_msg = f"   ⭐ [{data.get('score', 0):.1f}] r/{data.get('sub')}: {data.get('title', '')[:40]}..."
-                        yield send(clean_msg)
-                    except: pass
-                elif msg.startswith("<<<"): 
-                    pass # hide other protocol messages
+                    yield send(msg)
                 else:
                     yield send(msg)
             except StopIteration as e:
@@ -1411,15 +1495,31 @@ def send(msg):
                 break
 
         if final_posts:
-             # Save to results/ folder if running from web too
+            # Save to results/ folder
             os.makedirs("results", exist_ok=True)
-            # Use timestamp + query/criteria for filename
             q_safe = "".join(c for c in (args.get("criteria") or args.get("keywords") or "results") if c.isalnum() or c in (' ', '_'))[:50].strip().replace(" ", "_")
-            filename = f"results/{time.strftime('%Y%m%d_%H%M%S')}_{q_safe}.html"
-            _generate_html_report(final_posts, q_safe, filename)
-            yield send(f"💾 Saved report: {filename}")
+            ts = time.strftime('%Y%m%d_%H%M%S')
+
+            # Save JSON
+            result_payload = {
+                "query": args.get("keywords"),
+                "criteria": args.get("criteria"),
+                "timestamp": time.time(),
+                "config": dict(args),
+                "results": final_posts
+            }
+            json_path = f"results/{ts}_{q_safe}.json"
+            with open(json_path, "w") as f:
+                json.dump(result_payload, f, indent=2)
+
+            # Save HTML (optional but kept for legacy)
+            html_path = f"results/{ts}_{q_safe}.html"
+            _generate_html_report(final_posts, args.get("criteria") or args.get("keywords"), html_path)
+
+            yield send(f"💾 Saved JSON: {json_path}")
+            yield send(f"💾 Saved HTML: {html_path}")
 
-        # Send HTML formatted results/JSON for the frontend to render the list
+        # Send final data
         yield send(f"<<<APPROVED_POSTS>>>{json.dumps(final_posts)}")
 
     return Response(generate(), mimetype="text/event-stream")
diff --git a/config/blacklist.json b/config/blacklist.json
index 7651e25..d613cd2 100644
--- a/config/blacklist.json
+++ b/config/blacklist.json
@@ -12606,5 +12606,37 @@
     "keywords": "assault",
     "criteria": "",
     "timestamp": 1768270781.3960922
+  },
+  "1l3l86b": {
+    "id": "1l3l86b",
+    "title": "Done",
+    "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1l3l86b/done/",
+    "keywords": "(astronaut OR cosmonaut OR spacefarer) AND (theory OR hypothesis) AND (Reddit OR subreddit OR \"online forum\")",
+    "criteria": "reddit astronaut theory",
+    "timestamp": 1768607734.552211
+  },
+  "g1lphq": {
+    "id": "g1lphq",
+    "title": "Problems With r/NoSleep",
+    "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/g1lphq/problems_with_rnosleep/",
+    "keywords": "(astronaut OR cosmonaut OR spacefarer) AND (theory OR hypothesis) AND (Reddit OR subreddit OR \"online forum\")",
+    "criteria": "reddit astronaut theory",
+    "timestamp": 1768607734.552216
+  },
+  "3wqdhm": {
+    "id": "3wqdhm",
+    "title": "Me [28 M] with my GF [F] of 11 months duration, and I'm suddenly questioning our relationship after something she said",
+    "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3wqdhm/me_28_m_with_my_gf_f_of_11_months_duration_and_im/",
+    "keywords": "(space traveler OR cosmonaut OR \"space explorer\") AND (speculation OR conjecture OR \"educated guess\") AND (Reddit OR r/ OR \"internet forum\")",
+    "criteria": "reddit astronaut theory",
+    "timestamp": 1768607907.662214
+  },
+  "3qvj6w": {
+    "id": "3qvj6w",
+    "title": null,
+    "url": null,
+    "keywords": "(space traveler OR cosmonaut OR \"space explorer\") AND (speculation OR conjecture OR \"educated guess\") AND (Reddit OR r/ OR \"internet forum\")",
+    "criteria": "reddit astronaut theory",
+    "timestamp": 1768607907.662227
   }
 }
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/config/tagged_results.json b/config/tagged_results.json
index bd17eb5..fe11d6c 100644
--- a/config/tagged_results.json
+++ b/config/tagged_results.json
@@ -528,5 +528,140 @@
       "never said sorry for those things"
     ],
     "timestamp": 1696069159.0
+  },
+  "1l3l86b": {
+    "title": "Done",
+    "content": "Reposting because I hadn't agreed to the rules. My bad, Reddit. \n--\n\nI moved to this country 22 years ago, and met her on my first full day in the States. We were in middle school, 7th grade. I asked her out on the same day. That's just how we did things back home, so I thought America was the same. She's also from the same country as me, but had grown up here. \n\nShe said no. \n\nHormones, cultural differences, appearances, language--i got it. I didn't take it personally but I wanted her in my life somehow. I just felt seen by her when everyone else just saw another fresh off the boat kid. \n\nWe became best friends over the years. She was kinda mean to me, but she at least gave me time and no one else was doing that. \n\nI shared with her that I wanted to be an astronaut and go to the moon or beyond. She said she didn't want me to die in space so I gave it all up. I didn't want to make her sad. Without thinking twice about it, I gave up on my formulas and theories. It took me years but I ended up finding something to replace it. \n\nI asked her out again after three years of friendship in 2007. I took her to her first concert that summer. We got really close. This time she said yes. \n\nI wanted to feel seen. Not based on my illnesses or my \"potential\" or w/e. I just wanted to be aclnowledge and she would at least do that...in private. \n\nIn public, she was a completely different person. Anyone she respects, she gives them their full attention, doesn't make negative comments about them, and is very agreeable. \n\nYet, she treated me like shit. In front of everyone. And I would call her out on it, and she would just tell me \nit was all in my head. \n\nI became more insecure over the years because of her treatment. We had fights, we had aeguments. \n\nI only wanted to feel seen. Acknowledged. To have my presence be appreciated without some ulterior motive like my life had been up until then with my family and the others in my life. I was sick of being known as either the \"top student",
+    "score": 100,
+    "original_query": "(astronaut OR cosmonaut OR spacefarer) AND (theory OR hypothesis) AND (Reddit OR subreddit OR \"online forum\")",
+    "tags": [
+      "middle school",
+      "cultural differences",
+      "best friends",
+      "astronaut dream",
+      "first concert",
+      "public humiliation",
+      "private validation",
+      "insecurity",
+      "rejected confession",
+      "emotional dependency"
+    ],
+    "effective_terms": [
+      "fresh off the boat kid",
+      "gave up on my formulas and theories",
+      "treated me like shit in front of everyone",
+      "it was all in my head",
+      "wanted to feel seen",
+      "acknowledged in private",
+      "different person in public",
+      "emotional dependency",
+      "rejected on the first day",
+      "first full day in the States"
+    ],
+    "timestamp": 1749082009.0
+  },
+  "g1lphq": {
+    "title": "Problems With r/NoSleep",
+    "content": "I hope this is the right place to do this, but I just need someplace to speak my mind freely. Any criticisms I try and present to the mods or the sub in general gets removed or deleted. \n\nThe sub feels like it has fallen FAR from its original purpose; to tell spooky tales that keep you up at night. Sure I find a few gems here and there that are spooky and competently written, but the grand majority just... aren\u2019t. \n\nSo many of them feel like well-meaning but amateur attempts at creepypastas, all using the exact same tropes and themes as tales like The Rake or Slenderman. Others try to simulate horror by just being needlessly gory, and then there are the worst offenders.\n\nThese are stories so far distant from anything even remotely frightening that it\u2019s laughable. I\u2019m not going to be kept up at night because you describe in detail your sexual succubus fantasies in story form and then end it with you getting literally banged to death by some sexy devil chick. It\u2019s not scary, it doesn\u2019t make me question anything besides how the hell it got so many upvotes. \n\nEven worse are the action stories. I\u2019m not kidding when I say that I\u2019ve read nosleep posts about a SWAT team battling demons alongside super soldiers that went in for 14 parts. And even just last night I found one where some machismo-spouting caricature of an action hero kills a dragon in a science lab by shoving ice cubes up its ass. I\u2019m not even kidding. \n\nIt\u2019s just disappointing. I remember stories like Borrasca. Stories like \u201cPsychosis\u201d and other classics that made my mind whirl at night with half-baked ideas of vague terror. But now the sub is stale, cheesy and boring. \n\nBut I think what ticks me off most is the mods. Any constructive criticism is immediately deleted. Literally comments that people leave to help the writers improve are getting removed for insinuating that the stories might be fictional. God fucking forbid. As if 10000000% of people on nosleep don\u2019t already know this stuff is all fake for fun. ",
+    "score": 92.0,
+    "original_query": "(astronaut OR cosmonaut OR spacefarer) AND (theory OR hypothesis) AND (Reddit OR subreddit OR \"online forum\")",
+    "tags": [
+      "spooky tales",
+      "creepypastas",
+      "gory stories",
+      "sexual fantasies",
+      "action stories",
+      "SWAT team",
+      "super soldiers",
+      "dragons",
+      "mods",
+      "constructive criticism",
+      "deleted comments",
+      "classic horror stories"
+    ],
+    "effective_terms": [
+      "spooky tales that keep you up at night",
+      "amateur attempts at creepypastas",
+      "needlessly gory",
+      "sexual succubus fantasies",
+      "SWAT team battling demons",
+      "super soldiers",
+      "shoving ice cubes up its ass",
+      "mods deleting criticism",
+      "stories like Borrasca",
+      "vague terror",
+      "stale, cheesy and boring"
+    ],
+    "timestamp": 1586928359.0
+  },
+  "3wqdhm": {
+    "title": "Me [28 M] with my GF [F] of 11 months duration, and I'm suddenly questioning our relationship after something she said",
+    "content": "So I have to start with a little background.  I was raised with a very strong appreciation for science, stars, etc. We'd spend weekends as a kid with my telescope at the local observatory looking at the stars. Watching star wars, star trek, star gate, and Cosmos like TV shows (to name a few) were the kinda stuff I grew up on. For instance, on vacations,  instead of going to Disney world, we'd first go to see the Saturn rockets for my brother and I to marvel at. To this day my favorite actor is Tom hanks, and I watched Apollo 13 religiously. Heck I went to space camp... One of those kids that could site you the exact compositions of the sun. Real geeky stuff.  Heck for a college major, I chose a science direction because of my upbringing. \n\nAs for my current relationship: my gf, let's call her C. C is genuine, kind, sweet, cute, very innocent(Catholic school good girl), and most importantly open and honest. She is more into girly things, like Princess movies(no scary stuff allowed), clothes, jewelry, and the occasional gossip as opposed to deeper intellectual pursuits. So while she wasn't at all into science and knowledge as much as I was, she was very into art and has a very good side gig with her photography business(and I'll admit she takes really great one of a kind photos) and I appreciated and respected her for that. Plus she is fun and our conversations, despite being rather superficial, tend to be light hearted and entertaining. That being the case, I rarely delve into science talk, or discussion in the upcoming star wars movie because of her waning interest. normally if I talk about anything in detail I just get a blank stare that says \"I love that you're trying to talk to me about this but, it's Greek to me OP\" or \"you must be real fun at parties.\"  Although lately I have been missing the ability to have deeper conversations than who said what.  But it's something I'm fine with as I have plenty of friends who share my enthusiasm for these topics. \n\nFast for",
+    "score": 100,
+    "original_query": "(space traveler OR cosmonaut OR \"space explorer\") AND (speculation OR conjecture OR \"educated guess\") AND (Reddit OR r/ OR \"internet forum\")",
+    "tags": [
+      "telescope",
+      "observatory",
+      "science upbringing",
+      "Apollo 13",
+      "space camp",
+      "Catholic school",
+      "Princess movies",
+      "photography business",
+      "blank stare",
+      "intellectual mismatch",
+      "superficial conversations"
+    ],
+    "effective_terms": [
+      "strong appreciation for science, stars",
+      "Saturn rockets",
+      "Tom Hanks",
+      "Apollo 13 religiously",
+      "space camp",
+      "Catholic school good girl",
+      "Princess movies (no scary stuff allowed)",
+      "photography business",
+      "blank stare that says 'I love that you're trying to talk to me about this but, it's Greek to me'",
+      "you must be real fun at parties",
+      "missing the ability to have deeper conversations"
+    ],
+    "timestamp": 1450061601.0
+  },
+  "3qvj6w": {
+    "title": "",
+    "content": "",
+    "score": 95,
+    "original_query": "(space traveler OR cosmonaut OR \"space explorer\") AND (speculation OR conjecture OR \"educated guess\") AND (Reddit OR r/ OR \"internet forum\")",
+    "tags": [],
+    "effective_terms": [],
+    "timestamp": 1768607904.4360676
+  },
+  "3gc3rx": {
+    "title": "",
+    "content": "",
+    "score": 80,
+    "original_query": "(space traveler OR cosmonaut OR \"space explorer\") AND (speculation OR conjecture OR \"educated guess\") AND (Reddit OR r/ OR \"internet forum\")",
+    "tags": [
+      "house party",
+      "drunk friend",
+      "passed out",
+      "sibling's room",
+      "pretending to sleep",
+      "inappropriate touching",
+      "waking up",
+      "confrontation",
+      "alcohol",
+      "boundary violation"
+    ],
+    "effective_terms": [
+      "passed out at a house party",
+      "sibling's room to sleep it off",
+      "pretending to be asleep",
+      "woke up to someone touching me inappropriately",
+      "drunk friend",
+      "didn\u2019t know what to do",
+      "confronted him the next day"
+    ],
+    "timestamp": 1768607907.6273723
   }
 }
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/results/20260116_235534_reddit_astronaut_theory.html b/results/20260116_235534_reddit_astronaut_theory.html
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1b9891e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/results/20260116_235534_reddit_astronaut_theory.html
@@ -0,0 +1,539 @@
+<!DOCTYPE html>
+<html lang="en">
+<head>
+    <meta charset="UTF-8">
+    <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
+    <title>Search Results: reddit astronaut theory</title>
+    <style>
+        @import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Inter:wght@400;500;600;700&display=swap');
+        :root { --primary: #ff4500; --bg: #0b0e11; --surface: #151a21; --border: #2d333b; --text: #f0f6fc; --text-secondary: #8b949e; --accent: #2b7bd6; --highlight: rgba(255, 165, 0, 0.35); }
+        body { font-family: 'Inter', -apple-system, sans-serif; background-color: var(--bg); color: var(--text); margin: 0; padding: 40px 20px; line-height: 1.6; }
+        .container { max-width: 900px; margin: 0 auto; }
+        .header { margin-bottom: 40px; border-left: 4px solid var(--primary); padding-left: 20px; }
+        h1 { font-size: 2.5em; font-weight: 700; margin: 0 0 10px 0; letter-spacing: -0.02em; }
+        .meta { color: var(--text-secondary); font-size: 0.9em; }
+        .card { background-color: var(--surface); border: 1px solid var(--border); border-radius: 12px; padding: 30px; margin-bottom: 25px; transition: all 0.3s cubic-bezier(0.4, 0, 0.2, 1); box-shadow: 0 4px 6px -1px rgba(0,0,0,0.1); }
+        .card:hover { border-color: var(--accent); transform: translateY(-2px); box-shadow: 0 10px 15px -3px rgba(0,0,0,0.2); }
+        .card-header { display: flex; justify-content: space-between; align-items: flex-start; margin-bottom: 20px; }
+        .score-badge { background: linear-gradient(135deg, var(--primary), #ff6a00); color: white; padding: 4px 12px; border-radius: 20px; font-weight: 600; font-size: 0.85em; box-shadow: 0 2px 4px rgba(255,69,0,0.3); }
+        .sub-link { color: var(--accent); font-size: 0.9em; font-weight: 600; text-decoration: none; }
+        .post-date { color: var(--text-secondary); font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 4px; }
+        .title { font-size: 1.4em; font-weight: 600; margin: 0 0 15px 0; display: block; color: var(--text); text-decoration: none; line-height: 1.3; }
+        .title:hover { color: var(--accent); }
+        .content { color: #c9d1d9; font-size: 1em; white-space: pre-wrap; overflow-wrap: break-word; background: rgba(0,0,0,0.2); padding: 20px; border-radius: 8px; border-left: 2px solid var(--border); }
+        .content.collapsed { max-height: 150px; overflow: hidden; position: relative; mask-image: linear-gradient(to bottom, black 50%, transparent 100%); }
+        .show-toggle { background: none; border: none; color: var(--accent); cursor: pointer; font-size: 0.9em; padding: 10px 0; font-weight: 600; display: block; }
+        .tag-list { display: flex; flex-wrap: wrap; gap: 8px; margin-top: 20px; padding-top: 15px; border-top: 1px solid var(--border); }
+        .tag-pill { font-size: 0.75em; padding: 3px 10px; border-radius: 12px; background: rgba(43, 123, 214, 0.1); border: 1px solid rgba(43, 123, 214, 0.3); color: var(--accent); }
+        .card-footer { margin-top: 20px; padding-top: 15px; border-top: 1px solid var(--border); display: flex; gap: 15px; font-size: 0.8em; color: var(--text-secondary); }
+        mark { background-color: var(--highlight); color: var(--text); padding: 1px 3px; border-radius: 3px; }
+    </style>
+    <script>
+        function toggleContent(btn) {
+            const card = btn.closest('.card');
+            const content = card.querySelector('.content');
+            const isCollapsed = content.classList.contains('collapsed');
+            if (isCollapsed) {
+                content.classList.remove('collapsed');
+                btn.innerText = 'Show Less ↑';
+            } else {
+                content.classList.add('collapsed');
+                btn.innerText = 'Show More ↓';
+                card.scrollIntoView({ behavior: 'smooth', block: 'nearest' });
+            }
+        }
+    </script>
+</head>
+<body>
+    <div class="container">
+        <div class="header">
+            <h1>Search Results</h1>
+            <div class="meta">Query: reddit astronaut theory<br>Generated: 2026-01-16 23:55:34<br>Results: 9</div>
+        </div>
+
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TrueOffMyChest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2025-06-05</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">100.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1l3l86b/done/" target="_blank" class="title">Done</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Reposting because I hadn&#x27;t agreed to the rules. My bad, <mark>Reddit</mark>.
+--
+
+I moved to this country 22 years ago, and met her on my first full day in the States. We were in middle school, 7th grade. I asked her out on the same day. That&#x27;s just how we did things back home, so I thought America was the same. She&#x27;s also from the same country as me, but had grown up here.
+
+She said no.
+
+Hormones, cultural differences, appearances, language--i got it. I didn&#x27;t take it personally but I wanted her in my life somehow. I just felt seen by her when everyone else just saw another fresh off the boat kid.
+
+We became best friends over the years. She was kinda mean to me, but she at least gave me time and no one else was doing that.
+
+I shared with her that I wanted to be an <mark>astronaut</mark> and go to the moon or beyond. She said she didn&#x27;t want me to die in space so I gave it all up. I didn&#x27;t want to make her sad. Without thinking twice about it, I gave up on my formulas and theories. It took me years but I ended up finding something to replace it.
+
+I asked her out again after three years of friendship in 2007. I took her to her first concert that summer. We got really close. This time she said yes.
+
+I wanted to feel seen. Not based on my illnesses or my &quot;potential&quot; or w/e. I just wanted to be aclnowledge and she would at least do that...in private.
+
+In public, she was a completely different person. Anyone she respects, she gives them their full attention, doesn&#x27;t make negative comments about them, and is very agreeable.
+
+Yet, she treated me like shit. In front of everyone. And I would call her out on it, and she would just tell me
+it was all in my head.
+
+I became more insecure over the years because of her treatment. We had fights, we had aeguments.
+
+I only wanted to feel seen. Acknowledged. To have my presence be appreciated without some ulterior motive like my life had been up until then with my family and the others in my life. I was sick of being known as either the &quot;top student&quot; or &quot;the sick child&quot;.
+
+I&#x27;ve begged for 21years. And in return, it gets spat back at me like I&#x27;m the problem. Doesn&#x27;t matter the evidence, doesn&#x27;t matter whether the rationality made sense or didn&#x27;t make sense. I was always the problem.
+
+It&#x27;s a really long story. The last two years have been terrible. My mental health has declined so much from just taking her bullshit day in and day out with no outlets. I stopped talking to people because she wouldn&#x27;t stop complaining about them. I thought she was uncomfortable with my relationships so I stepped away so she wouldn&#x27;t. I thought that&#x27;s what you did for your partner. You do everything you can to make them comfortable and secure in the relationship. I was wrong. So, so wrong.
+
+Today, I was in a crisis, fighting the urges to hurt myself badly and permanently. I&#x27;m in such a dark place. Waking up hurts. Like being stabbed over and over my your own existence.
+
+She asks me how I&#x27;m doing for the first time in a week after my boss texted her concerned about me. She sounded bothered. Last week we had an argument because I was trying to eat something and she made a big deal about using a plate to eat.
+
+Mind you, I have an eating disorder. I don&#x27;t eat generally, it makes me feel like death. So when I&#x27;m hungry and have an appetite, I just need like 10 minutes where my thoughts aren&#x27;t getting in the way of me being able to eat. I&#x27;ve asked her for 17 years to please not disturb that for me. But she always does. Then she feigns concern that I&#x27;m not eating and is constantly pushing me to eat.
+
+Has she ever tried sitting down with me and talking about my food issues? Well she didn&#x27;t even try to do that when I told her I feel suicidal every hour of every day. I&#x27;m paralyzed from being functional because I&#x27;m fighting the voices telling me the plan and the best way to execute it.
+
+I didn&#x27;t want to talk to her today. She ignores my very obvious discomfort until it gets to the point I&#x27;m in crisis, then she wants to solve the issue because it is inconveniencing her to see me like that.
+
+But she corners me and keeps me from leaving the physical space in which we&#x27;re both in so I can &quot;talk to her.&quot;
+
+I was going to walk away from her when I felt the disturbance in the air from this lockbox that looks like a book, that she threw in my general direction when I told her I didn&#x27;t want to talk and started walking away.
+
+I have raised my voice in our arguments out of frustration, but I have never raised my hand against her (or any other human being for that matter.) when I break stuff (cuz I do, I cope with things by taking apart electronics) , I do it away from her or when she isn&#x27;t even around.
+
+ I grew up in a DV home. I promised myself I would never go back to that.
+
+Unfortunately, after so many years together, we&#x27;re very entrenched. Finances, jobs, leisure, dwelling.
+
+ Ive gotten into my own serious debt because i didn&#x27;t leave. I rather drown the sadness with music equipment and software than even think of going back to having nothing. I kept holding on to the hope she would see me as a person.
+
+I work but don&#x27;t have money. I could barely work last year because I spent most of it either hospitalized or in intensive therapy programs to cope with a lot of stuff, including the way she continued treating me. So, I can&#x27;t just leave to start over.
+
+But today was the last straw. I don&#x27;t even think she realizes how fucked up that was.
+
+The first thing I told her today when she tried talking to me was: I don&#x27;t want to talk to you because you make everything about yourself. I proceed to tell her I&#x27;m actively suicidal with intent at the moment. And she gets mad at me because I wouldn&#x27;t talk to her. She became defensive, and started gaslighting me that it was my mental health not her.
+
+Its always about her. And I fucking reinforced that for 21 years. Now she&#x27;s mad I&#x27;m no longer doing it.
+
+I&#x27;m done. I don&#x27;t know what the future holds. I don&#x27;t know if I&#x27;ll be able to look back at this post even within the next 12 hours because I just dont know if I&#x27;ll be here to do so. But, I know I&#x27;m done with her. For good.
+
+You shouldn&#x27;t have to beg for decades to be acknowledged by people who may have done it a few times and don&#x27;t want to do it again. I&#x27;ve learned my lesson. I despise hope for reeling me along that things would change.
+
+I just want the pain to stop.
+
+</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+            <div class="tag-list"><span class="tag-pill">middle school</span><span class="tag-pill">cultural differences</span><span class="tag-pill">best friends</span><span class="tag-pill">astronaut dream</span><span class="tag-pill">first concert</span><span class="tag-pill">public humiliation</span><span class="tag-pill">private validation</span><span class="tag-pill">insecurity</span></div>
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TrueOffMyChest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2020-04-15</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">92.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/g1lphq/problems_with_rnosleep/" target="_blank" class="title">Problems With r/NoSleep</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I hope this is the right place to do this, but I just need someplace to speak my mind freely. Any criticisms I try and present to the mods or the sub in general gets removed or deleted.
+
+The sub feels like it has fallen FAR from its original purpose; to tell spooky tales that keep you up at night. Sure I find a few gems here and there that are spooky and competently written, but the grand majority just... aren’t.
+
+So many of them feel like well-meaning but amateur attempts at creepypastas, all using the exact same tropes and themes as tales like The Rake or Slenderman. Others try to simulate horror by just being needlessly gory, and then there are the worst offenders.
+
+These are stories so far distant from anything even remotely frightening that it’s laughable. I’m not going to be kept up at night because you describe in detail your sexual succubus fantasies in story form and then end it with you getting literally banged to death by some sexy devil chick. It’s not scary, it doesn’t make me question anything besides how the hell it got so many upvotes.
+
+Even worse are the action stories. I’m not kidding when I say that I’ve read nosleep posts about a SWAT team battling demons alongside super soldiers that went in for 14 parts. And even just last night I found one where some machismo-spouting caricature of an action hero kills a dragon in a science lab by shoving ice cubes up its ass. I’m not even kidding.
+
+It’s just disappointing. I remember stories like Borrasca. Stories like “Psychosis” and other classics that made my mind whirl at night with half-baked ideas of vague terror. But now the sub is stale, cheesy and boring.
+
+But I think what ticks me off most is the mods. Any constructive criticism is immediately deleted. Literally comments that people leave to help the writers improve are getting removed for insinuating that the stories might be fictional. God fucking forbid. As if 10000000% of people on nosleep don’t already know this stuff is all fake for fun.
+
+And get this, these mods perpetuate the bland content even FURTHER by deleting any stories that stray from the norm.
+
+I myself have made 4 separate attempts at writing my own short stories to post there to try and broaden the idea pool and get people thinking again. All four times my stories were removed for the most arbitrary reasons possible.
+
+Reason 1.) my first story took place in space. It was an existential horror piece told by a stranded <mark>astronaut</mark>. Removed for not being believable enough. Okay, fine.
+
+Reason 2.) my second story was the story of a friendship between a boy and an uncanny valley monster that builds up tension before revealing its twist right after you stop expecting a twist. Removed for not being believable enough, PURELY because it was narrated in the third person. Okay, I disagree with your decision, but whatever, you’re the bosses.
+
+Reason 3.) my third story was framed as a letter sent specifically to the reader from 1912 when it was written, explaining how you, dear reader, are actually a sleeping god, and that the entire universe, including all of humanity’s history, has all been happening in your mind. It builds on the concept of nothing around us being real, and the tiny part of your brain that thinks “what if it’s true?”. Removed for not being believable enough. Apparently someone writing a letter and then waiting 100 years for it’s intended recipient counts as “time travel” and goes against the believability rules of the sub<mark>reddit</mark>. This was the point where I started to get a bit fed up.
+
+Reason 4.) my fourth story was the tale of a thought monster that exists in song. Once it finds its way into a young composer’s head, he begins to obsess over it to the point of hearing it everywhere and seeing the written notes on everything. The idea was that nothing is scarier than a monster that only needs to be thought of once to beat you. Removed for not being believable enough. This time they didn’t even give me any explanation other than that.
+
+I’m sorry, but NONE of the stories on this sub<mark>reddit</mark> are frickin “believable”. Oh yeah, I totallllly believe you fucked a demon. I totalllly believe you killed a dragon via ice cube colonoscopy. I totalllly believe that you met a tribe of cannibals in Arizona while backpacking and they absolutely DID eat your friend before your very eyes. The fact that any attempt I make to provide constructive criticism is silenced, and all my own work is discarded makes it feel like the mods don’t even WANT the sub to return to its former glory.
+
+I’m sorry for ranting, but I really neede to get this off my chest.</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+            <div class="tag-list"><span class="tag-pill">spooky tales</span><span class="tag-pill">creepypastas</span><span class="tag-pill">gory stories</span><span class="tag-pill">sexual fantasies</span><span class="tag-pill">action stories</span><span class="tag-pill">SWAT team</span><span class="tag-pill">super soldiers</span><span class="tag-pill">dragons</span></div>
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-07-30</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">37.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1eg656r/i_think_i_21m_fell_head_over_heels_in_love_with/" target="_blank" class="title">I think I (21M) fell head over heels in love with my roommate (22F) and I&#x27;m terrified. What can I do about this?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hello <mark>reddit</mark>, I made this account literally a few minutes ago just to post this because my roommate knows about my main account (and also it would be weird for me to go from posting about Mario games to this). Anyways, I&#x27;m in a bit of a situation. So I (21M) think I fell in love with my college roommate, J ( 22F ). We&#x27;re on summer break right now but we still live together because neither of us re ofally want to go back home and we can luckily afford it.
+
+Now calling her my roommate is accurate but it&#x27;s not really the full picture, we&#x27;re also best friends. At least I think so. We met when I was 12 and she was 13 and we just really got along. We&#x27;ve been super close all the time we&#x27;ve known each other, but I didn&#x27;t start to develop feelings for her until after we moved in together. We both took a gap year after highschool and decided to be roommates when we both wanted to go to the same school (I&#x27;m studying animation and shes studying botany). I thought that things were just gonna be normal like they always were, but things started to change once we spent literally every day together. I started noticing the little things she did in her day to day life that I wasn&#x27;t around to see before. The way she pretends to use a kazoo while doing chores, the way she scrunches up her nose and makes silly faces at herself when we brush our teeth, the way she looks at me after she comes back from an evening class and I&#x27;ve made dinner for the both of us.
+
+At first I thought it was just a crush, and I would just get over it. And I kept telling myself that, but god it&#x27;s been two years since then and it&#x27;s just gotten more intense. Sometimes when we&#x27;re sitting together and playing a game or watching a movie I catch myself just looking at her with the stupid expression on my face (it&#x27;s happened so often that she calls it me going &#x27;<mark>astronaut</mark> mode&#x27;). I usually say I&#x27;m just thinking about something because I can&#x27;t tell her that the reason I&#x27;m spacing out is that I&#x27;m just thinking about how gorgeous her eyes are, I&#x27;d probably just explode. And even worse, she&#x27;s a massive cuddler and really likes to playfully cling onto me. Every time she does this it feels like my heart is gonna explode, and I feel bad for hesitating too because she gets worried about me if I don&#x27;t hug her back and asks if I&#x27;m ok or I&#x27;m not in the mood.
+
+She&#x27;s incredibly kind and thoughtful and I just feel gross because I know I&#x27;m absolutely full on in love with her but I&#x27;m keeping it from her, and I&#x27;m letting her do these things like cuddle with me or platonically flirt with me, and it feels like I&#x27;m taking advantage of her because I haven&#x27;t told her I like her and she&#x27;d probably be uncomfortable with me if she knew. Neither of us have ever had a partner and I really want to tell her because what if she actually accepts it, and if I wait and she gets a partner I could lose that possibility? But I&#x27;m terrified I&#x27;m gonna lose my best friend in the entire world if I tell her and she doesn&#x27;t feel the same.
+
+So <mark>reddit</mark> please tell me. Do I tell her? And how do I say it? I&#x27;m pretty sure I&#x27;m just gonna explode into a fireball if I keep dancing around in uncertainty. Thanks in advance.
+
+TLDR; I&#x27;m in love with my best friend/roommate and it makes me want to explode because I&#x27;m not telling her. What can I do about it?</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Vent</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2025-11-18</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">37.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/comments/1p0230i/i_feel_like_everyone_can_and_i_cant/" target="_blank" class="title">I feel like everyone CAN and I can&#x27;t</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I&#x27;m a teen in Philippines, I was diagnosed severe depression at 13 years old. Me and my family are not rich nor poor, we can afford basic life needs. I&#x27;m greatful for it, yes. I drop out at highschool for one year to take a break, I began cosplaying for fun even if my materials are not really quality. But I appreciate it. I thought taking a long break would make me better BUT it didn&#x27;t.
+
+I became only isolated and lost my social skills, yeah I&#x27;ve been bullied at 6th grade for being &#x27;introvert&#x27; and not fighting back but this is worse, I&#x27;m too awkward now. So school began again new teacher, new classmates. I&#x27;m very good at recitation and quizzes. Though I lack in grouping activity because I don&#x27;t communicate with them for the fear of them judging me.
+
+As a kid I wanna be an <mark>astronaut</mark>, and learning the mind. Until now I wanna learn about the mind (not to be <mark>astronaut</mark> tho since I know I can&#x27;t do it) instead now I wanna be a neuroscientist.
+
+Now the main problem is my absence in school, sometimes I feel like if I go there people would judge me and talk about me. So I&#x27;m kinda absent 3 times a week or sometimes whole week. Now it worsens, &#x27;what if they judge me for being absent?&#x27; ... And when I&#x27;m at school and I get overwhelmed or have suicidal thoughts I would go to the clinic, and I go there often and get sent home. It&#x27;s even more embarrassing.
+
+I feel like I&#x27;m too weak, I have many scars at my arms because of s3lf harm. People can see it, it seems like they think I&#x27;m a monster.. why can&#x27;t I just be normal.. yes I was blessed with having a quiet soul and having weird interest(not normal interest here in Philippines amongst teens in lower class where I am) but if the result of it is to be outcast then I KINDA... don&#x27;t want it :(
+
+So yea that&#x27;s all, if anyone wanna talk about intresting stuff or our lives we can talk I wanna have someone talking about stuff that&#x27;s rarely talked about.</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Unknown</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">Unknown Date</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">30.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="#" target="_blank" class="title">No Title</a>
+            <div class="content "></div>
+
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Unknown</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">Unknown Date</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">20.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="#" target="_blank" class="title">No Title</a>
+            <div class="content "></div>
+
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Unknown</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">Unknown Date</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">10.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="#" target="_blank" class="title">No Title</a>
+            <div class="content "></div>
+
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/self</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2016-02-18</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/46f9jw/list_of_top_100_subreddits_top_posts_of_all_time/" target="_blank" class="title">List of top 100 sub<mark>reddit</mark>s&#x27; top posts of all time</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Just felt like putting this together out of boredom. Not sure where I would post this so here it is.
+
+**ask<mark>reddit</mark>** 38449 : [What tasty food would be distusting if eaten over rice?](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Ask<mark>Reddit</mark>/comments/2np694/what_tasty_food_would_be_distusting_if_eaten_over/)
+
+**todayilearned** 15058 : [TIL most Japanese schools do not employ janitors or custodians. The Japanese education system believes that requiring students to clean the school themselves teaches respect, responsibility, and emphasizes equality.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/todayilearned/comments/2vuffa/til_most_japanese_schools_do_not_employ_janitors/)
+
+**pics** 22525 : [I&#x27;ve spent the past two years shooting drone aerials around the world. Here are 38 images which would be totally illegal today.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/pics/comments/31bcsf/ive_spent_the_past_two_years_shooting_drone/)
+
+**science** 10499 : [Science Ama Series: I am Stephen Hawking, theoretical physicist. Join me to talk about making the future of technology more human, <mark>reddit</mark>. AMA!](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/science/comments/3eret9/science_ama_series_i_am_stephen_hawking/)
+
+**worldnews** 21249 : [A biotech startup has managed to 3-D print fake rhino horns that carry the same genetic fingerprint as the actual horn. The company plans to flood Chinese rhino horn market at one-eighth of the price of the original, undercutting the price poachers can get and forcing them out eventually.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/worldnews/comments/3aitv7/a_biotech_startup_has_managed_to_3d_print_fake/)
+
+**announcements** 6779 : [An old team at <mark>reddit</mark>](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/announcements/comments/3cucye/an_old_team_at_<mark>reddit</mark>/)
+
+**videos** 20091 : [One-Minute Time Machine](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/videos/comments/3cki4e/oneminute_time_machine/)
+
+**funny** 38157 : [I participated in one of the biggest Magic: the Gathering tournaments of all time this weekend. In an effort to document it, I posed for pictures near people with exposed asscracks. I present to you Grand Prix Richmond Crackstyle.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/funny/comments/202wd3/i_participated_in_one_of_the_biggest_magic_the/)
+
+**movies** 10812 : [Vin Diesel on Paul Walker&#x27;s Death](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/movies/comments/1sa3hn/vin_diesel_on_paul_walkers_death/)
+
+**iama** 14756 : [I am Barack Obama, President of the United States -- AMA](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/IAmA/comments/z1c9z/i_am_barack_obama_president_of_the_united_states/)
+
+**music** 8350 : [Foo Fighters Bring Fan on Stage to play drums](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Music/comments/3cu5cs/foo_fighters_bring_fan_on_stage_to_play_drums/)
+
+**aww** 14495 : [French bulldog puppy jumps into his owner&#x27;s arms. Shows no hesitation second time around.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/aww/comments/2e3i50/french_bulldog_puppy_jumps_into_his_owners_arms/)
+
+**blog** 7995 : [So long, and thanks for all the postcards](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/blog/comments/g5i83/so_long_and_thanks_for_all_the_postcards/)
+
+**gaming** 13458 : [This is what happens when Vader finds you in Battlefront](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/gaming/comments/3g4dqh/this_is_what_happens_when_vader_finds_you_in/)
+
+**news** 10880 : [Congress creates a bill that will give NASA a great budget for 2016. Also hides the entirety of CISA in the bill.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/news/comments/3x4wih/congress_creates_a_bill_that_will_give_nasa_a/)
+
+**askscience** 6513 : [Gravitational Wave Megathread](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/askscience/comments/458vhd/gravitational_wave_megathread/)
+
+**television** 6887 : [Rick And Morty Renewed For Season 3 By Adult Swim](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/television/comments/3gqjjz/rick_and_morty_renewed_for_season_3_by_adult_swim/)
+
+**gifs** 16341 : [MERRY CHRISTMAS from Charlie the venus flytrap!!!](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/gifs/comments/2pvojg/merry_christmas_from_charlie_the_venus_flytrap/)
+
+**explainlikeimfive** 7538 : [ELI5: Stephen Hawking&#x27;s new <mark>theory</mark> on black holes](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/3ieifd/eli5_stephen_hawkings_new_<mark>theory</mark>_on_black_holes/)
+
+**earthporn** 12612 : [I needed a spot to sleep while on a recent road trip and found an epic vantage point above Snoqualmie Pass, WA. Multiple wildfires, and Seattle&#x27;s light pollution made for a very intense scene! [OC][5178 x 2912]](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/EarthPorn/comments/3i4h9a/i_needed_a_spot_to_sleep_while_on_a_recent_road/)
+
+**books** 7082 : [Romanian city offers free rides on public transport if you&#x27;re reading a book.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/books/comments/3hu596/romanian_city_offers_free_rides_on_public/)
+
+**technology** 9489 : [&quot;Dear Google Fiber: Please, please, please rescue me from Comcast&quot;](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/technology/comments/13xxi0/dear_google_fiber_please_please_please_rescue_me/)
+
+**mildlyinteresting** 11604 : [The canopy of these trees don&#x27;t touch each other](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/3hyx46/the_canopy_of_these_trees_dont_touch_each_other/)
+
+**sports** 7250 : [I promise you there&#x27;s an actual end.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/sports/comments/3g9146/i_promise_you_theres_an_actual_end/)
+
+**showerthoughts** 33048 : [Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super rad if you don&#x27;t know what either of those things are.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/2ucx09/waterboarding_at_guantanamo_bay_sounds_super_rad/)
+
+**space** 8987 : [I&#x27;m still here guys...](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/space/comments/3ga8sg/im_still_here_guys/)
+
+**tifu** 13946 : [TIFU by getting <mark>Reddit</mark> banned in Russia](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/tifu/comments/3grpdf/tifu_by_getting_<mark>reddit</mark>_banned_in_russia/)
+
+**bestof** 8863 : [John McAfee calls McAfee anti-virus &quot;one of the worst products on the fucking planet&quot;](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/bestof/comments/3hv8p2/john_mcafee_calls_mcafee_antivirus_one_of_the/)
+
+**photoshopbattles** 7303 : [PsBattle: Weightlifter jumping up after a successful lift](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/photoshopbattles/comments/3gtsq5/psbattle_weightlifter_jumping_up_after_a/)
+
+**nottheonion** 9020 : [We dont need to drink less soda, according to research funded by Coca-Cola](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/nottheonion/comments/3gr8r7/we_dont_need_to_drink_less_soda_according_to/)
+
+**wtf** 13181 : [Tornado on the road](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/WTF/comments/3gctpm/tornado_on_the_road/)
+
+**personalfinance** 6213 : [3 Tricks Car Salesmen Use to take your money](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/personalfinance/comments/36pnp0/3_tricks_car_salesmen_use_to_take_your_money/)
+
+**listentothis** 5305 : [With regret, for the time being, all submissions are disabled in listentothis. Please read this announcement for more information.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/listentothis/comments/3bxknx/with_regret_for_the_time_being_all_submissions/)
+
+**philosophy** 4692 : [On this day (February 15) 2415 years ago, Socrates was sentenced to death by people of Athens.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/philosophy/comments/45wefo/on_this_day_february_15_2415_years_ago_socrates/)
+
+**upliftingnews** 6736 : [Stephen Colbert shocks South Carolina schools by funding every single teacher-requested grant](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/UpliftingNews/comments/356rye/stephen_colbert_shocks_south_carolina_schools_by/)
+
+**oldschoolcool** 8391 : [My parents: from refugee camp (left, circa 1983) to Montreal (right, 1990).](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/OldSchoolCool/comments/3gqn46/my_parents_from_refugee_camp_left_circa_1983_to/)
+
+**nosleep** 12625 : [I&#x27;m a Search and Rescue Officer for the US Forest Service, I have some stories to tell](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/nosleep/comments/3iex1h/im_a_search_and_rescue_officer_for_the_us_forest/)
+
+**art** 7411 : [An album of my 2015 pieces so far](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Art/comments/3hv29b/an_album_of_my_2015_pieces_so_far/)
+
+**writingprompts** 6793 : [[WP] A day before the Earth is destroyed by a collision with a rouge planet, time freezes. You, a completely normal person are untouched and cannot die. Text on your arm appears that reads, &quot;however long it takes, save us&quot;.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/3pyg3h/wp_a_day_before_the_earth_is_destroyed_by_a/)
+
+**lifeprotips** 9049 : [LPT: If your bag gets lost when flying on most major airlines, go buy replacement clothes/shoes/sunglasses etc. and keep the receipts, you will get reimbursed by the airline. So long as the total amount is less than $500 most airline reps can approve it without going through corporate.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/3hurbp/lpt_if_your_bag_gets_lost_when_flying_on_most/)
+
+**twoxchromosomes** 6692 : [Colorado offered free birth control -- and teen abortions fell by 42%.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/3zqm10/colorado_offered_free_birth_control_and_teen/)
+
+**adviceanimals** 18472 : [As a former fat man who still exhibits fat-man behavior at Chipotle.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/2a7sdc/as_a_former_fat_man_who_still_exhibits_fatman/)
+
+**diy** 10160 : [I built a fully-functional overhead control panel for my computer](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/DIY/comments/3hq8ox/i_built_a_fullyfunctional_overhead_control_panel/)
+
+**fitness** 6398 : [Examine.com breaks down the recent low-carb vs low-fat study. Their broad takeaway: &quot;weight loss does not rely on certain carb levels or manipulation of insulin, it relies on eating less&quot;](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Fitness/comments/3hckrc/examinecom_breaks_down_the_recent_lowcarb_vs/)
+
+**jokes** 10020 : [&quot;Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted,&quot; my dad told me.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Jokes/comments/3hvisa/son_i_wanted_to_let_you_know_you_were_adopted_my/)
+
+**food** 8677 : [Living tomato ripeness chart.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/food/comments/3h4cj1/living_tomato_ripeness_chart/)
+
+**internetisbeautiful** 8377 : [For my cakeday I created a quick tool to show you the <mark>reddit</mark> homepage from the day you created your account](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/InternetIsBeautiful/comments/2qtk8a/for_my_cakeday_i_created_a_quick_tool_to_show_you/)
+
+**history** 5835 : [On May 6, 1986, ten days after Chernobyl, there was a risk of an even greater explosion that would spread radiation across half of Europe and kill millions. Three men volunteered to dive into what they knew were lethally radioactive waters to open a release valve to prevent this from happening.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/history/comments/3yyy87/on_may_6_1986_ten_days_after_chernobyl_there_was/)
+
+**gadgets** 5790 : [&quot;A proposed bill in New York [New York, USA] seeks to require that all smartphones sold in the state can be decrypted or unlocked and proposes hefty fines for vendors failing to comply.&quot;](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/gadgets/comments/40ye34/a_proposed_bill_in_new_york_new_york_usa_seeks_to/)
+
+**getmotivated** 25882 : [[Text] Soon I will be gone forever, but that&#x27;s okay as long as someone reads this](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/2xc947/text_soon_i_will_be_gone_forever_but_thats_okay/)
+
+**dataisbeautiful** 7118 : [TV finales that surprise/disappoint [OC]](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/3hkjsz/tv_finales_that_surprisedisappoint_oc/)
+
+**futurology** 8059 : [<mark>Astronaut</mark>s on the International Space Station will eat food they grew themselves in space for the 1st time this week.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Futurology/comments/3gc3rx/<mark>astronaut</mark>s_on_the_international_space_station/)
+
+**documentaries** 7674 : [Billion Dollar Bully (2015) [trailer]...makes the case that Yelp is something akin to the mob, allegedly demanding protection money, lest your business be overrun with negative comments.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Documentaries/comments/3gu1qu/billion_dollar_bully_2015_trailermakes_the_case/)
+
+**creepy** 8962 : [Not a traditional creepy image, but the thought of this scares me to death](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/creepy/comments/3fzy8s/not_a_traditional_creepy_image_but_the_thought_of/)
+
+**politics** 14677 : [A mathematician may have uncovered widespread election fraud, and Kansas is trying to silence her](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/politics/comments/3g0iy7/a_mathematician_may_have_uncovered_widespread/)
+
+**atheism** 8569 : [How to respond to holiday greetings, as a flow chart.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/atheism/comments/1sahzv/how_to_respond_to_holiday_greetings_as_a_flow/)
+
+**woahdude** 10976 : [Mountain on fire in Tuscon, AZ](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/woahdude/comments/3huamg/mountain_on_fire_in_tuscon_az/)
+
+**<mark>reddit</mark>.com** 8299 : [Fuck Sears: they forced <mark>Reddit</mark> to remove a post mocking them, presumably under threat of withdrawing advertising. Please upvote, then submit your own &quot;fuck Sears&quot; post to keep the dream alive.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/<mark>reddit</mark>.com/comments/9cm4b/fuck_sears_they_forced_<mark>reddit</mark>_to_remove_a_post/)
+
+**trees** 11478 : [Weed causes spasms in my anus? [Don&#x27;t upvote please]](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/trees/comments/3hicop/weed_causes_spasms_in_my_anus_dont_upvote_please/)
+
+**gonewild** 12438 : [[f]un with boobies [GIF]](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/gonewild/comments/3gxgk9/fun_with_boobies_gif/)
+
+**4chan** 14018 : [Anon works IT](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/4chan/comments/20x58t/anon_works_it/)
+
+**leagueoflegends** 7283 : [How to E+Q with Jarmander](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/leagueoflegends/comments/3g2ku1/how_to_eq_with_jarmander/)
+
+**programming** 8865 : [Eye tracking software for sufferers of ALS/MND can cost tens of thousands of dollars, so I&#x27;ve spent 3.5 years of my spare time writing a free &amp; open-source alternative - meet OptiKey (C#, Rx, WPF) (x-post from r/Software)](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/programming/comments/3ke7ug/eye_tracking_software_for_sufferers_of_alsmnd_can/)
+
+**games** 6345 : [Nintendo President Satoru Iwata has Passed Away](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Games/comments/3d2eng/nintendo_president_satoru_iwata_has_passed_away/)
+
+**sex** 5137 : [An open letter to my last partner - and all other women who are afraid of the way their body looks in certain positions. [Appearance]](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/sex/comments/39qezv/an_open_letter_to_my_last_partner_and_all_other/)
+
+**android** 7863 : [The new step by step guide detailing how to get started developing Android apps, with no prior experience necessary. Includes every resource I used, simple explanations and an interesting first app tutorial. Everything you need to get started in Android Development is here.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Android/comments/2tpjep/the_new_step_by_step_guide_detailing_how_to_get/)
+
+**nsfw** 8084 : [Perfect underboob](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/nsfw/comments/3h6zv3/perfect_underboob/)
+
+**reactiongifs** 11560 : [When you&#x27;re on 1% battery life but still decide to downvote one last post](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/reactiongifs/comments/3hjxsr/when_youre_on_1_battery_life_but_still_decide_to/)
+
+**fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu** 8934 : [President Obama&#x27;s new campaign poster](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu/comments/kio1p/president_obamas_new_campaign_poster/)
+
+**gameofthrones** 7730 : [[S5] All aboard !](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/gameofthrones/comments/36d6dm/s5_all_aboard/)
+
+**malefashionadvice** 6845 : [This sounds ridiculous, but the shared MFAModerator account needs some link karma so we can bypass the captcha and automate the recurring threads (WAYWT, Simple Questions, and Recent Purchases).  So be an upright citizen and upvote Jayross&#x27; Bean boots, OK?    ](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/malefashionadvice/comments/13b61t/this_sounds_ridiculous_but_the_shared/)
+
+**cringepics** 12192 : [He left his flash on](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/cringepics/comments/2uysfz/he_left_his_flash_on/)
+
+**youshouldknow** 4964 : [YSK that if you are ever exposed to HIV, male or female, going to a doctor or ER and receiving the &#x27;HIV Plan B&#x27;, Post-Exposure Prophylaxis, will severely reduce your chances of contracting the disease.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/3gjywi/ysk_that_if_you_are_ever_exposed_to_hiv_male_or/)
+
+**pcmasterrace** 10749 : [Windows 10 brings back one of my favorite Win 98 &quot;features&quot;](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/pcmasterrace/comments/3gp5u9/windows_10_brings_back_one_of_my_favorite_win_98/)
+
+**realgirls** 8021 : [Lifeguard](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/RealGirls/comments/2pvqop/lifeguard/)
+
+**interestingasfuck** 10993 : [Strawberry picking machine](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/interestingasfuck/comments/3gmx59/strawberry_picking_machine/)
+
+**frugal** 6150 : [I don&#x27;t think Gillette is happy with the response to their latest razor advertisement on Facebook, /r/Frugal might find this amusing](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Frugal/comments/2msle1/i_dont_think_gillette_is_happy_with_the_response/)
+
+**pokemon** 6582 : [Life inside a pokeball](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/pokemon/comments/3g0980/life_inside_a_pokeball/)
+
+**imgoingtohellforthis** 10618 : [Consider Yourself Blocked](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/ImGoingToHellForThis/comments/3gufu2/consider_yourself_blocked/)
+
+**askhistorians** 5879 : [Why are there so many medieval paintings of people battling large snails?](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/3tva6h/why_are_there_so_many_medieval_paintings_of/)
+
+**unexpected** 9922 : [Horse escape](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Unexpected/comments/3hco43/horse_escape/)
+
+**historyporn** 7318 : [High School principal R. Wiley Brownlee was tarred and feathered by the KKK after he left a board meeting where he proposed the school district honor Martin Luther King, Jr. A student took this photo of Brownlee when he returned to the school for help. April 3, 1971. Michigan. [620 x 775]](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/HistoryPorn/comments/3h7sjr/high_school_principal_r_wiley_brownlee_was_tarred/)
+
+**minecraft** 6643 : [I built a train. On a map. In Survival.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/Minecraft/comments/2xwunr/i_built_a_train_on_a_map_in_survival/)
+
+**nsfw_gif** 8159 : [legendarylootz](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/NSFW_GIF/comments/395mnc/legendarylootz/)
+
+**nfl** 7772 : [Geno smith got sucker punched in locker room this morning. Broken jaw. Out 6-10 weeks at least.](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/nfl/comments/3gm6dh/geno_smith_got_sucker_punched_in_locker_room_this/)
+
+**tattoos** 7385 : [My set. New to all this stuff, any general advice?](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/tattoos/comments/12qkp6/my_set_new_to_all_this_stuff_any_general_advice/)
+
+**blackpeopletwitter** 24806 : [broke ass nigga](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/2qw9s0/broke_ass_nigga/)
+
+**lifehacks** 7398 : [Movie music too loud but dialogue too quiet?](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/lifehacks/comments/3hub4x/movie_music_too_loud_but_dialogue_too_quiet/)
+
+**comics** 9183 : [boxingball z](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/comics/comments/3id0jq/boxingball_z/)
+
+**soccer** 8918 : [ADO den Haag goalkeeper equaliser in the 94th minute vs PSV](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/soccer/comments/3gmffm/ado_den_haag_goalkeeper_equaliser_in_the_94th/)
+
+**relationships** 8356 : [[UPDATE]My [26 F] with my husband [29 M] 1 year, he has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, how to make it count?](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/relationships/comments/3hw1jh/updatemy_26_f_with_my_husband_29_m_1_year_he_has/)
+
+**europe** 5227 : [TIL that North Korea owes 300m to Sweden for 1000 Volvos they stole 40 years ago and Swedes make sure to remind them of that debt every six months](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/europe/comments/42wcet/til_that_north_korea_owes_300m_to_sweden_for_1000/)
+
+**oddlysatisfying** 8931 : [This Japanese toilet paper holder](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/oddlysatisfying/comments/3gark7/this_japanese_toilet_paper_holder/)
+
+**justiceporn** 9828 : [Road rage driver assaults motorcyclist, gets taken down](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/JusticePorn/comments/3d6bmr/road_rage_driver_assaults_motorcyclist_gets_taken/)
+
+**foodporn** 5994 : [Wife is ber preggo, she told me she needed some Chinese takeout and a Philly Cheesesteak. What am I made of money? I made these instead. [OC] Cheesesteak Eggrolls au Jus [5312 x 2988]](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/FoodPorn/comments/3i9zst/wife_is_ber_preggo_she_told_me_she_needed_some/)
+
+**wheredidthesodago** 9048 : [Science](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/wheredidthesodago/comments/11w6cf/science/)
+
+**facepalm** 8026 : [Ass or Tits?](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/facepalm/comments/3gm7us/ass_or_tits/)
+
+**wallpapers** 5335 : [Softened a photo I took of Hollywood blvd](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/wallpapers/comments/2rr9ec/softened_a_photo_i_took_of_hollywood_blvd/)
+
+**outoftheloop** 8745 : [Why was /r/IAmA, along with a number of other large sub<mark>reddit</mark>s, made private?](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/3bxduw/why_was_riama_along_with_a_number_of_other_large/)
+
+**starwars** 55306 : [[<mark>Theory</mark>] Jar Jar Binks was a trained Force user, knowing Sith collaborator, and will play a central role in The Force Awakens](https://www.<mark>reddit</mark>.com/r/StarWars/comments/3qvj6w/<mark>theory</mark>_jar_jar_binks_was_a_trained_force_user/)
+</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2013-10-21</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1oxfa2/broke_up_after_55_years_because_she_wants_to_be/" target="_blank" class="title">Broke up after 5.5 years because she wants to be an actress.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hi
+This is going to be long and im really sorry about that, but please, read it, you might have wisdom to share…I&#x27;m M24 she&#x27;s F21 (the age difference has been a problem at times, they way we think and act).
+
+
+My “ex” and I broke up just last week. I’m devastated for so many reasons. We’ve been together for 5.5 years, really loving each other and I honestly believe we were perfect for each other on so many levels. She was the kinda girl that I could fully, truly trust and knew she would never do anything to hurt me. And she never did. We broke up because we’ve had problems for awhile now, I’ve been emotionally unavailable for her, never really talking about “serious” stuff, never really talked about my week, day, I mostly kept for myself. She knew that I was like this and she’d learned to deal with it (to some degree). She was somewhat like that also, she rarely talked about “real” stuff, mostly kept to herself. But what we had was love for each other, we would do anything for each other, we were loyal and spent every minute of every free time together (which eventually hurt us because we had no social life outside).
+
+
+These are all contributing factors, but the main thing was that she’s been wanting to be an actress for a very long time now, and she’d been postponing it cuz of me, she knew I was against it. And she was aware that it meant that she might be going to Hollywood and giving it her all for a very uncertain amount of time, it could be 6 months or 3 years, she just knew that she would regret it if she didn’t at least try. Except for the long distance, it also meant that she would probably do intimate scenes with other men (she would never go naked, or topless or anything like that) but even kissing, making out, having “fake” sex under the covers, walking around in her underwear (depending on the scenes) these are all things she would do if the part was right and there was no other way around it. I just felt like this would go against every fiber in my body, I really wanted to be okay with it, but I just couldn’t, I just cant be the guy whose gf makes out with other men on her job. What really sucks is that she might never do it because she might never get far with the whole actress thing, because it is so unbelievably competitive, so in some way it felt like we would break up in vain, but at the same time, what if it did happen? Is it really better to post pone the inevitable?
+
+
+So now, we broke up, after being faithful to each other for 5.5 years, spending every free minute together (sure we had lots of different problems along the way, but we never stopped loving each other). What really sucks for me except for the fact that I’ve lost the woman I’ve loved, the one that was my entire world for 5.5 years. I’ve just graduated, scared shitless for the “job world”, just moved out to my new apartment, living alone (this apartment was meant for us, so now it’s just a fucked up reminder), just ended my first real long term relationship of 5.5 years, and I feel completely lost. Just fucking lost.
+
+
+What really bugs me now is that she was really my drive for succeeding, I mean I’ve always had a goal, that in a couple of years we would have a house, car, travel together, maybe have kids. So I had to work hard to graduate, because she was my drive, inspiration, to achieve the goal, I worked hard because I wanted that for us. Now that that’s gone, I feel lost not knowing my ambitions anymore, the drive is gone, shes gone, I mean what am I really fighting for? Before it was a definite girl, house, car…a plan! That is all gone, there’s no plan anymore, the future just went from known to completely fucking unknown, not knowing if I’ll ever find somebody new, somebody I’ll love, somebody to trust (apparently lots of <mark>reddit</mark>ers have cheating SO:s, how fucked up is it out there??) somebody to share a beautiful house with (im a civil engineer as silly as it sounds, building my own house has always been a dream, a dream I do not want to live by myself in).
+
+
+With me just getting out of school getting into the job hunt (I live in Sweden but I’ve even thought going to US just go get away from here) and just learning to live by myself, and ending my only real long term relationship…this has all been just to overwhelming, I feel lost, scared, alone, loss of ambition, goals, and drive. The future I fought for is gone and now I’m scared I’ll never get that again. I feel like I’ve lost the dream I’ve had for so long that I don’t know what to do now…
+
+
+Im really sorry for the long post, I just wanted to get everything out, I really hope you got this far, again, I’m sorry.
+
+TL;DR this has all been just to overwhelming, I feel lost, scared, alone, loss of ambition, goals, and drive. The future I fought for is gone and now I’m scared I’ll never get that again. I feel like I’ve lost the dream I’ve had for so long that I don’t know what to do now…
+
+Any wisdom?
+</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+    </div>
+</body>
+</html>
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+[
+  {
+    "id": "1l3l86b",
+    "title": "Done",
+    "subreddit": "TrueOffMyChest",
+    "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1l3l86b/done/",
+    "content": "Reposting because I hadn't agreed to the rules. My bad, Reddit. \n--\n\nI moved to this country 22 years ago, and met her on my first full day in the States. We were in middle school, 7th grade. I asked her out on the same day. That's just how we did things back home, so I thought America was the same. She's also from the same country as me, but had grown up here. \n\nShe said no. \n\nHormones, cultural differences, appearances, language--i got it. I didn't take it personally but I wanted her in my life somehow. I just felt seen by her when everyone else just saw another fresh off the boat kid. \n\nWe became best friends over the years. She was kinda mean to me, but she at least gave me time and no one else was doing that. \n\nI shared with her that I wanted to be an astronaut and go to the moon or beyond. She said she didn't want me to die in space so I gave it all up. I didn't want to make her sad. Without thinking twice about it, I gave up on my formulas and theories. It took me years but I ended up finding something to replace it. \n\nI asked her out again after three years of friendship in 2007. I took her to her first concert that summer. We got really close. This time she said yes. \n\nI wanted to feel seen. Not based on my illnesses or my \"potential\" or w/e. I just wanted to be aclnowledge and she would at least do that...in private. \n\nIn public, she was a completely different person. Anyone she respects, she gives them their full attention, doesn't make negative comments about them, and is very agreeable. \n\nYet, she treated me like shit. In front of everyone. And I would call her out on it, and she would just tell me \nit was all in my head. \n\nI became more insecure over the years because of her treatment. We had fights, we had aeguments. \n\nI only wanted to feel seen. Acknowledged. To have my presence be appreciated without some ulterior motive like my life had been up until then with my family and the others in my life. I was sick of being known as either the \"top student\" or \"the sick child\". \n\nI've begged for 21years. And in return, it gets spat back at me like I'm the problem. Doesn't matter the evidence, doesn't matter whether the rationality made sense or didn't make sense. I was always the problem. \n\nIt's a really long story. The last two years have been terrible. My mental health has declined so much from just taking her bullshit day in and day out with no outlets. I stopped talking to people because she wouldn't stop complaining about them. I thought she was uncomfortable with my relationships so I stepped away so she wouldn't. I thought that's what you did for your partner. You do everything you can to make them comfortable and secure in the relationship. I was wrong. So, so wrong. \n\nToday, I was in a crisis, fighting the urges to hurt myself badly and permanently. I'm in such a dark place. Waking up hurts. Like being stabbed over and over my your own existence. \n\nShe asks me how I'm doing for the first time in a week after my boss texted her concerned about me. She sounded bothered. Last week we had an argument because I was trying to eat something and she made a big deal about using a plate to eat.\n\nMind you, I have an eating disorder. I don't eat generally, it makes me feel like death. So when I'm hungry and have an appetite, I just need like 10 minutes where my thoughts aren't getting in the way of me being able to eat. I've asked her for 17 years to please not disturb that for me. But she always does. Then she feigns concern that I'm not eating and is constantly pushing me to eat. \n\nHas she ever tried sitting down with me and talking about my food issues? Well she didn't even try to do that when I told her I feel suicidal every hour of every day. I'm paralyzed from being functional because I'm fighting the voices telling me the plan and the best way to execute it. \n\nI didn't want to talk to her today. She ignores my very obvious discomfort until it gets to the point I'm in crisis, then she wants to solve the issue because it is inconveniencing her to see me like that. \n\nBut she corners me and keeps me from leaving the physical space in which we're both in so I can \"talk to her.\" \n\nI was going to walk away from her when I felt the disturbance in the air from this lockbox that looks like a book, that she threw in my general direction when I told her I didn't want to talk and started walking away. \n\nI have raised my voice in our arguments out of frustration, but I have never raised my hand against her (or any other human being for that matter.) when I break stuff (cuz I do, I cope with things by taking apart electronics) , I do it away from her or when she isn't even around.\n\n I grew up in a DV home. I promised myself I would never go back to that. \n\nUnfortunately, after so many years together, we're very entrenched. Finances, jobs, leisure, dwelling.\n\n Ive gotten into my own serious debt because i didn't leave. I rather drown the sadness with music equipment and software than even think of going back to having nothing. I kept holding on to the hope she would see me as a person. \n\nI work but don't have money. I could barely work last year because I spent most of it either hospitalized or in intensive therapy programs to cope with a lot of stuff, including the way she continued treating me. So, I can't just leave to start over. \n\nBut today was the last straw. I don't even think she realizes how fucked up that was. \n\nThe first thing I told her today when she tried talking to me was: I don't want to talk to you because you make everything about yourself. I proceed to tell her I'm actively suicidal with intent at the moment. And she gets mad at me because I wouldn't talk to her. She became defensive, and started gaslighting me that it was my mental health not her. \n\nIts always about her. And I fucking reinforced that for 21 years. Now she's mad I'm no longer doing it. \n\nI'm done. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I'll be able to look back at this post even within the next 12 hours because I just dont know if I'll be here to do so. But, I know I'm done with her. For good. \n\nYou shouldn't have to beg for decades to be acknowledged by people who may have done it a few times and don't want to do it again. I've learned my lesson. I despise hope for reeling me along that things would change. \n\nI just want the pain to stop. \n\n",
+    "score": 100
+  },
+  {
+    "id": "g1lphq",
+    "title": "Problems With r/NoSleep",
+    "subreddit": "TrueOffMyChest",
+    "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/g1lphq/problems_with_rnosleep/",
+    "content": "I hope this is the right place to do this, but I just need someplace to speak my mind freely. Any criticisms I try and present to the mods or the sub in general gets removed or deleted. \n\nThe sub feels like it has fallen FAR from its original purpose; to tell spooky tales that keep you up at night. Sure I find a few gems here and there that are spooky and competently written, but the grand majority just... aren\u2019t. \n\nSo many of them feel like well-meaning but amateur attempts at creepypastas, all using the exact same tropes and themes as tales like The Rake or Slenderman. Others try to simulate horror by just being needlessly gory, and then there are the worst offenders.\n\nThese are stories so far distant from anything even remotely frightening that it\u2019s laughable. I\u2019m not going to be kept up at night because you describe in detail your sexual succubus fantasies in story form and then end it with you getting literally banged to death by some sexy devil chick. It\u2019s not scary, it doesn\u2019t make me question anything besides how the hell it got so many upvotes. \n\nEven worse are the action stories. I\u2019m not kidding when I say that I\u2019ve read nosleep posts about a SWAT team battling demons alongside super soldiers that went in for 14 parts. And even just last night I found one where some machismo-spouting caricature of an action hero kills a dragon in a science lab by shoving ice cubes up its ass. I\u2019m not even kidding. \n\nIt\u2019s just disappointing. I remember stories like Borrasca. Stories like \u201cPsychosis\u201d and other classics that made my mind whirl at night with half-baked ideas of vague terror. But now the sub is stale, cheesy and boring. \n\nBut I think what ticks me off most is the mods. Any constructive criticism is immediately deleted. Literally comments that people leave to help the writers improve are getting removed for insinuating that the stories might be fictional. God fucking forbid. As if 10000000% of people on nosleep don\u2019t already know this stuff is all fake for fun. \n\nAnd get this, these mods perpetuate the bland content even FURTHER by deleting any stories that stray from the norm. \n\nI myself have made 4 separate attempts at writing my own short stories to post there to try and broaden the idea pool and get people thinking again. All four times my stories were removed for the most arbitrary reasons possible. \n\nReason 1.) my first story took place in space. It was an existential horror piece told by a stranded astronaut. Removed for not being believable enough. Okay, fine.\n\nReason 2.) my second story was the story of a friendship between a boy and an uncanny valley monster that builds up tension before revealing its twist right after you stop expecting a twist. Removed for not being believable enough, PURELY because it was narrated in the third person. Okay, I disagree with your decision, but whatever, you\u2019re the bosses.\n\nReason 3.) my third story was framed as a letter sent specifically to the reader from 1912 when it was written, explaining how you, dear reader, are actually a sleeping god, and that the entire universe, including all of humanity\u2019s history, has all been happening in your mind. It builds on the concept of nothing around us being real, and the tiny part of your brain that thinks \u201cwhat if it\u2019s true?\u201d. Removed for not being believable enough. Apparently someone writing a letter and then waiting 100 years for it\u2019s intended recipient counts as \u201ctime travel\u201d and goes against the believability rules of the subreddit. This was the point where I started to get a bit fed up. \n\nReason 4.) my fourth story was the tale of a thought monster that exists in song. Once it finds its way into a young composer\u2019s head, he begins to obsess over it to the point of hearing it everywhere and seeing the written notes on everything. The idea was that nothing is scarier than a monster that only needs to be thought of once to beat you. Removed for not being believable enough. This time they didn\u2019t even give me any explanation other than that. \n\nI\u2019m sorry, but NONE of the stories on this subreddit are frickin \u201cbelievable\u201d. Oh yeah, I totallllly believe you fucked a demon. I totalllly believe you killed a dragon via ice cube colonoscopy. I totalllly believe that you met a tribe of cannibals in Arizona while backpacking and they absolutely DID eat your friend before your very eyes. The fact that any attempt I make to provide constructive criticism is silenced, and all my own work is discarded makes it feel like the mods don\u2019t even WANT the sub to return to its former glory. \n\nI\u2019m sorry for ranting, but I really neede to get this off my chest.",
+    "score": 92.0
+  },
+  {
+    "id": "1eg656r",
+    "title": "I think I (21M) fell head over heels in love with my roommate (22F) and I'm terrified. What can I do about this?",
+    "subreddit": "relationship_advice",
+    "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1eg656r/i_think_i_21m_fell_head_over_heels_in_love_with/",
+    "content": "Hello reddit, I made this account literally a few minutes ago just to post this because my roommate knows about my main account (and also it would be weird for me to go from posting about Mario games to this). Anyways, I'm in a bit of a situation. So I (21M) think I fell in love with my college roommate, J ( 22F ). We're on summer break right now but we still live together because neither of us re ofally want to go back home and we can luckily afford it.\n\nNow calling her my roommate is accurate but it's not really the full picture, we're also best friends. At least I think so. We met when I was 12 and she was 13 and we just really got along. We've been super close all the time we've known each other, but I didn't start to develop feelings for her until after we moved in together. We both took a gap year after highschool and decided to be roommates when we both wanted to go to the same school (I'm studying animation and shes studying botany). I thought that things were just gonna be normal like they always were, but things started to change once we spent literally every day together. I started noticing the little things she did in her day to day life that I wasn't around to see before. The way she pretends to use a kazoo while doing chores, the way she scrunches up her nose and makes silly faces at herself when we brush our teeth, the way she looks at me after she comes back from an evening class and I've made dinner for the both of us. \n\nAt first I thought it was just a crush, and I would just get over it. And I kept telling myself that, but god it's been two years since then and it's just gotten more intense. Sometimes when we're sitting together and playing a game or watching a movie I catch myself just looking at her with the stupid expression on my face (it's happened so often that she calls it me going 'astronaut mode'). I usually say I'm just thinking about something because I can't tell her that the reason I'm spacing out is that I'm just thinking about how gorgeous her eyes are, I'd probably just explode. And even worse, she's a massive cuddler and really likes to playfully cling onto me. Every time she does this it feels like my heart is gonna explode, and I feel bad for hesitating too because she gets worried about me if I don't hug her back and asks if I'm ok or I'm not in the mood.\n\nShe's incredibly kind and thoughtful and I just feel gross because I know I'm absolutely full on in love with her but I'm keeping it from her, and I'm letting her do these things like cuddle with me or platonically flirt with me, and it feels like I'm taking advantage of her because I haven't told her I like her and she'd probably be uncomfortable with me if she knew. Neither of us have ever had a partner and I really want to tell her because what if she actually accepts it, and if I wait and she gets a partner I could lose that possibility? But I'm terrified I'm gonna lose my best friend in the entire world if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same.\n\nSo reddit please tell me. Do I tell her? And how do I say it? I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna explode into a fireball if I keep dancing around in uncertainty. Thanks in advance.\n\nTLDR; I'm in love with my best friend/roommate and it makes me want to explode because I'm not telling her. What can I do about it?",
+    "score": 37.0
+  },
+  {
+    "id": "1p0230i",
+    "title": "I feel like everyone CAN and I can't",
+    "subreddit": "Vent",
+    "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/comments/1p0230i/i_feel_like_everyone_can_and_i_cant/",
+    "content": "I'm a teen in Philippines, I was diagnosed severe depression at 13 years old. Me and my family are not rich nor poor, we can afford basic life needs. I'm greatful for it, yes. I drop out at highschool for one year to take a break, I began cosplaying for fun even if my materials are not really quality. But I appreciate it. I thought taking a long break would make me better BUT it didn't.\n\nI became only isolated and lost my social skills, yeah I've been bullied at 6th grade for being 'introvert' and not fighting back but this is worse, I'm too awkward now. So school began again new teacher, new classmates. I'm very good at recitation and quizzes. Though I lack in grouping activity because I don't communicate with them for the fear of them judging me.\n\nAs a kid I wanna be an astronaut, and learning the mind. Until now I wanna learn about the mind (not to be astronaut tho since I know I can't do it) instead now I wanna be a neuroscientist.\n\nNow the main problem is my absence in school, sometimes I feel like if I go there people would judge me and talk about me. So I'm kinda absent 3 times a week or sometimes whole week. Now it worsens, 'what if they judge me for being absent?' ... And when I'm at school and I get overwhelmed or have suicidal thoughts I would go to the clinic, and I go there often and get sent home. It's even more embarrassing.\n\nI feel like I'm too weak, I have many scars at my arms because of s3lf harm. People can see it, it seems like they think I'm a monster.. why can't I just be normal.. yes I was blessed with having a quiet soul and having weird interest(not normal interest here in Philippines amongst teens in lower class where I am) but if the result of it is to be outcast then I KINDA... don't want it :(\n\nSo yea that's all, if anyone wanna talk about intresting stuff or our lives we can talk I wanna have someone talking about stuff that's rarely talked about.",
+    "score": 37.0
+  },
+  {
+    "id": "futurology",
+    "title": null,
+    "subreddit": null,
+    "url": null,
+    "content": null,
+    "score": 30
+  },
+  {
+    "id": "space",
+    "title": null,
+    "subreddit": null,
+    "url": null,
+    "content": null,
+    "score": 20
+  },
+  {
+    "id": "starwars",
+    "title": null,
+    "subreddit": null,
+    "url": null,
+    "content": null,
+    "score": 10
+  },
+  {
+    "id": "46f9jw",
+    "title": "List of top 100 subreddits' top posts of all time",
+    "subreddit": "self",
+    "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/46f9jw/list_of_top_100_subreddits_top_posts_of_all_time/",
+    "content": "Just felt like putting this together out of boredom. Not sure where I would post this so here it is.\n\n**askreddit** 38449 : [What tasty food would be distusting if eaten over rice?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2np694/what_tasty_food_would_be_distusting_if_eaten_over/)\n\n**todayilearned** 15058 : [TIL most Japanese schools do not employ janitors or custodians. The Japanese education system believes that requiring students to clean the school themselves teaches respect, responsibility, and emphasizes equality.](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/2vuffa/til_most_japanese_schools_do_not_employ_janitors/)\n\n**pics** 22525 : [I've spent the past two years shooting drone aerials around the world. Here are 38 images which would be totally illegal today.](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/31bcsf/ive_spent_the_past_two_years_shooting_drone/)\n\n**science** 10499 : [Science Ama Series: I am Stephen Hawking, theoretical physicist. Join me to talk about making the future of technology more human, reddit. AMA!](https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/3eret9/science_ama_series_i_am_stephen_hawking/)\n\n**worldnews** 21249 : [A biotech startup has managed to 3-D print fake rhino horns that carry the same genetic fingerprint as the actual horn. The company plans to flood Chinese rhino horn market at one-eighth of the price of the original, undercutting the price poachers can get and forcing them out eventually.](https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/3aitv7/a_biotech_startup_has_managed_to_3d_print_fake/)\n\n**announcements** 6779 : [An old team at reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/announcements/comments/3cucye/an_old_team_at_reddit/)\n\n**videos** 20091 : [One-Minute Time Machine](https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/3cki4e/oneminute_time_machine/)\n\n**funny** 38157 : [I participated in one of the biggest Magic: the Gathering tournaments of all time this weekend. In an effort to document it, I posed for pictures near people with exposed asscracks. I present to you Grand Prix Richmond Crackstyle.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/202wd3/i_participated_in_one_of_the_biggest_magic_the/)\n\n**movies** 10812 : [Vin Diesel on Paul Walker's Death](https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/1sa3hn/vin_diesel_on_paul_walkers_death/)\n\n**iama** 14756 : [I am Barack Obama, President of the United States -- AMA](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/z1c9z/i_am_barack_obama_president_of_the_united_states/)\n\n**music** 8350 : [Foo Fighters Bring Fan on Stage to play drums](https://www.reddit.com/r/Music/comments/3cu5cs/foo_fighters_bring_fan_on_stage_to_play_drums/)\n\n**aww** 14495 : [French bulldog puppy jumps into his owner's arms. Shows no hesitation second time around.](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/2e3i50/french_bulldog_puppy_jumps_into_his_owners_arms/)\n\n**blog** 7995 : [So long, and thanks for all the postcards](https://www.reddit.com/r/blog/comments/g5i83/so_long_and_thanks_for_all_the_postcards/)\n\n**gaming** 13458 : [This is what happens when Vader finds you in Battlefront](https://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/3g4dqh/this_is_what_happens_when_vader_finds_you_in/)\n\n**news** 10880 : [Congress creates a bill that will give NASA a great budget for 2016. Also hides the entirety of CISA in the bill.](https://www.reddit.com/r/news/comments/3x4wih/congress_creates_a_bill_that_will_give_nasa_a/)\n\n**askscience** 6513 : [Gravitational Wave Megathread](https://www.reddit.com/r/askscience/comments/458vhd/gravitational_wave_megathread/)\n\n**television** 6887 : [Rick And Morty Renewed For Season 3 By Adult Swim](https://www.reddit.com/r/television/comments/3gqjjz/rick_and_morty_renewed_for_season_3_by_adult_swim/)\n\n**gifs** 16341 : [MERRY CHRISTMAS from Charlie the venus flytrap!!!](https://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/2pvojg/merry_christmas_from_charlie_the_venus_flytrap/)\n\n**explainlikeimfive** 7538 : [ELI5: Stephen Hawking's new theory on black holes](https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/3ieifd/eli5_stephen_hawkings_new_theory_on_black_holes/)\n\n**earthporn** 12612 : [I needed a spot to sleep while on a recent road trip and found an epic vantage point above Snoqualmie Pass, WA. Multiple wildfires, and Seattle's light pollution made for a very intense scene! [OC][5178 x 2912]](https://www.reddit.com/r/EarthPorn/comments/3i4h9a/i_needed_a_spot_to_sleep_while_on_a_recent_road/)\n\n**books** 7082 : [Romanian city offers free rides on public transport if you're reading a book.](https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/3hu596/romanian_city_offers_free_rides_on_public/)\n\n**technology** 9489 : [\"Dear Google Fiber: Please, please, please rescue me from Comcast\"](https://www.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/13xxi0/dear_google_fiber_please_please_please_rescue_me/)\n\n**mildlyinteresting** 11604 : [The canopy of these trees don't touch each other](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/3hyx46/the_canopy_of_these_trees_dont_touch_each_other/)\n\n**sports** 7250 : [I promise you there's an actual end.](https://www.reddit.com/r/sports/comments/3g9146/i_promise_you_theres_an_actual_end/)\n\n**showerthoughts** 33048 : [Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super rad if you don't know what either of those things are.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/2ucx09/waterboarding_at_guantanamo_bay_sounds_super_rad/)\n\n**space** 8987 : [I'm still here guys...](https://www.reddit.com/r/space/comments/3ga8sg/im_still_here_guys/)\n\n**tifu** 13946 : [TIFU by getting Reddit banned in Russia](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3grpdf/tifu_by_getting_reddit_banned_in_russia/)\n\n**bestof** 8863 : [John McAfee calls McAfee anti-virus \"one of the worst products on the fucking planet\"](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/3hv8p2/john_mcafee_calls_mcafee_antivirus_one_of_the/)\n\n**photoshopbattles** 7303 : [PsBattle: Weightlifter jumping up after a successful lift](https://www.reddit.com/r/photoshopbattles/comments/3gtsq5/psbattle_weightlifter_jumping_up_after_a/)\n\n**nottheonion** 9020 : [We dont need to drink less soda, according to research funded by Coca-Cola](https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/3gr8r7/we_dont_need_to_drink_less_soda_according_to/)\n\n**wtf** 13181 : [Tornado on the road](https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/3gctpm/tornado_on_the_road/)\n\n**personalfinance** 6213 : [3 Tricks Car Salesmen Use to take your money](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/36pnp0/3_tricks_car_salesmen_use_to_take_your_money/)\n\n**listentothis** 5305 : [With regret, for the time being, all submissions are disabled in listentothis. Please read this announcement for more information.](https://www.reddit.com/r/listentothis/comments/3bxknx/with_regret_for_the_time_being_all_submissions/)\n\n**philosophy** 4692 : [On this day (February 15) 2415 years ago, Socrates was sentenced to death by people of Athens.](https://www.reddit.com/r/philosophy/comments/45wefo/on_this_day_february_15_2415_years_ago_socrates/)\n\n**upliftingnews** 6736 : [Stephen Colbert shocks South Carolina schools by funding every single teacher-requested grant](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpliftingNews/comments/356rye/stephen_colbert_shocks_south_carolina_schools_by/)\n\n**oldschoolcool** 8391 : [My parents: from refugee camp (left, circa 1983) to Montreal (right, 1990).](https://www.reddit.com/r/OldSchoolCool/comments/3gqn46/my_parents_from_refugee_camp_left_circa_1983_to/)\n\n**nosleep** 12625 : [I'm a Search and Rescue Officer for the US Forest Service, I have some stories to tell](https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/3iex1h/im_a_search_and_rescue_officer_for_the_us_forest/)\n\n**art** 7411 : [An album of my 2015 pieces so far](https://www.reddit.com/r/Art/comments/3hv29b/an_album_of_my_2015_pieces_so_far/)\n\n**writingprompts** 6793 : [[WP] A day before the Earth is destroyed by a collision with a rouge planet, time freezes. You, a completely normal person are untouched and cannot die. Text on your arm appears that reads, \"however long it takes, save us\".](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/3pyg3h/wp_a_day_before_the_earth_is_destroyed_by_a/)\n\n**lifeprotips** 9049 : [LPT: If your bag gets lost when flying on most major airlines, go buy replacement clothes/shoes/sunglasses etc. and keep the receipts, you will get reimbursed by the airline. So long as the total amount is less than $500 most airline reps can approve it without going through corporate.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/3hurbp/lpt_if_your_bag_gets_lost_when_flying_on_most/)\n\n**twoxchromosomes** 6692 : [Colorado offered free birth control -- and teen abortions fell by 42%.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/3zqm10/colorado_offered_free_birth_control_and_teen/)\n\n**adviceanimals** 18472 : [As a former fat man who still exhibits fat-man behavior at Chipotle.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/2a7sdc/as_a_former_fat_man_who_still_exhibits_fatman/)\n\n**diy** 10160 : [I built a fully-functional overhead control panel for my computer](https://www.reddit.com/r/DIY/comments/3hq8ox/i_built_a_fullyfunctional_overhead_control_panel/)\n\n**fitness** 6398 : [Examine.com breaks down the recent low-carb vs low-fat study. Their broad takeaway: \"weight loss does not rely on certain carb levels or manipulation of insulin, it relies on eating less\"](https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/3hckrc/examinecom_breaks_down_the_recent_lowcarb_vs/)\n\n**jokes** 10020 : [\"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted,\" my dad told me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3hvisa/son_i_wanted_to_let_you_know_you_were_adopted_my/)\n\n**food** 8677 : [Living tomato ripeness chart.](https://www.reddit.com/r/food/comments/3h4cj1/living_tomato_ripeness_chart/)\n\n**internetisbeautiful** 8377 : [For my cakeday I created a quick tool to show you the reddit homepage from the day you created your account](https://www.reddit.com/r/InternetIsBeautiful/comments/2qtk8a/for_my_cakeday_i_created_a_quick_tool_to_show_you/)\n\n**history** 5835 : [On May 6, 1986, ten days after Chernobyl, there was a risk of an even greater explosion that would spread radiation across half of Europe and kill millions. Three men volunteered to dive into what they knew were lethally radioactive waters to open a release valve to prevent this from happening.](https://www.reddit.com/r/history/comments/3yyy87/on_may_6_1986_ten_days_after_chernobyl_there_was/)\n\n**gadgets** 5790 : [\"A proposed bill in New York [New York, USA] seeks to require that all smartphones sold in the state can be decrypted or unlocked and proposes hefty fines for vendors failing to comply.\"](https://www.reddit.com/r/gadgets/comments/40ye34/a_proposed_bill_in_new_york_new_york_usa_seeks_to/)\n\n**getmotivated** 25882 : [[Text] Soon I will be gone forever, but that's okay as long as someone reads this](https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/2xc947/text_soon_i_will_be_gone_forever_but_thats_okay/)\n\n**dataisbeautiful** 7118 : [TV finales that surprise/disappoint [OC]](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/3hkjsz/tv_finales_that_surprisedisappoint_oc/)\n\n**futurology** 8059 : [Astronauts on the International Space Station will eat food they grew themselves in space for the 1st time this week.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Futurology/comments/3gc3rx/astronauts_on_the_international_space_station/)\n\n**documentaries** 7674 : [Billion Dollar Bully (2015) [trailer]...makes the case that Yelp is something akin to the mob, allegedly demanding protection money, lest your business be overrun with negative comments.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Documentaries/comments/3gu1qu/billion_dollar_bully_2015_trailermakes_the_case/)\n\n**creepy** 8962 : [Not a traditional creepy image, but the thought of this scares me to death](https://www.reddit.com/r/creepy/comments/3fzy8s/not_a_traditional_creepy_image_but_the_thought_of/)\n\n**politics** 14677 : [A mathematician may have uncovered widespread election fraud, and Kansas is trying to silence her](https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/3g0iy7/a_mathematician_may_have_uncovered_widespread/)\n\n**atheism** 8569 : [How to respond to holiday greetings, as a flow chart.](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/1sahzv/how_to_respond_to_holiday_greetings_as_a_flow/)\n\n**woahdude** 10976 : [Mountain on fire in Tuscon, AZ](https://www.reddit.com/r/woahdude/comments/3huamg/mountain_on_fire_in_tuscon_az/)\n\n**reddit.com** 8299 : [Fuck Sears: they forced Reddit to remove a post mocking them, presumably under threat of withdrawing advertising. Please upvote, then submit your own \"fuck Sears\" post to keep the dream alive.](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/9cm4b/fuck_sears_they_forced_reddit_to_remove_a_post/)\n\n**trees** 11478 : [Weed causes spasms in my anus? [Don't upvote please]](https://www.reddit.com/r/trees/comments/3hicop/weed_causes_spasms_in_my_anus_dont_upvote_please/)\n\n**gonewild** 12438 : [[f]un with boobies [GIF]](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewild/comments/3gxgk9/fun_with_boobies_gif/)\n\n**4chan** 14018 : [Anon works IT](https://www.reddit.com/r/4chan/comments/20x58t/anon_works_it/)\n\n**leagueoflegends** 7283 : [How to E+Q with Jarmander](https://www.reddit.com/r/leagueoflegends/comments/3g2ku1/how_to_eq_with_jarmander/)\n\n**programming** 8865 : [Eye tracking software for sufferers of ALS/MND can cost tens of thousands of dollars, so I've spent 3.5 years of my spare time writing a free & open-source alternative - meet OptiKey (C#, Rx, WPF) (x-post from r/Software)](https://www.reddit.com/r/programming/comments/3ke7ug/eye_tracking_software_for_sufferers_of_alsmnd_can/)\n\n**games** 6345 : [Nintendo President Satoru Iwata has Passed Away](https://www.reddit.com/r/Games/comments/3d2eng/nintendo_president_satoru_iwata_has_passed_away/)\n\n**sex** 5137 : [An open letter to my last partner - and all other women who are afraid of the way their body looks in certain positions. [Appearance]](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/39qezv/an_open_letter_to_my_last_partner_and_all_other/)\n\n**android** 7863 : [The new step by step guide detailing how to get started developing Android apps, with no prior experience necessary. Includes every resource I used, simple explanations and an interesting first app tutorial. Everything you need to get started in Android Development is here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Android/comments/2tpjep/the_new_step_by_step_guide_detailing_how_to_get/)\n\n**nsfw** 8084 : [Perfect underboob](https://www.reddit.com/r/nsfw/comments/3h6zv3/perfect_underboob/)\n\n**reactiongifs** 11560 : [When you're on 1% battery life but still decide to downvote one last post](https://www.reddit.com/r/reactiongifs/comments/3hjxsr/when_youre_on_1_battery_life_but_still_decide_to/)\n\n**fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu** 8934 : [President Obama's new campaign poster](https://www.reddit.com/r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu/comments/kio1p/president_obamas_new_campaign_poster/)\n\n**gameofthrones** 7730 : [[S5] All aboard !](https://www.reddit.com/r/gameofthrones/comments/36d6dm/s5_all_aboard/)\n\n**malefashionadvice** 6845 : [This sounds ridiculous, but the shared MFAModerator account needs some link karma so we can bypass the captcha and automate the recurring threads (WAYWT, Simple Questions, and Recent Purchases).  So be an upright citizen and upvote Jayross' Bean boots, OK?    ](https://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice/comments/13b61t/this_sounds_ridiculous_but_the_shared/)\n\n**cringepics** 12192 : [He left his flash on](https://www.reddit.com/r/cringepics/comments/2uysfz/he_left_his_flash_on/)\n\n**youshouldknow** 4964 : [YSK that if you are ever exposed to HIV, male or female, going to a doctor or ER and receiving the 'HIV Plan B', Post-Exposure Prophylaxis, will severely reduce your chances of contracting the disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/3gjywi/ysk_that_if_you_are_ever_exposed_to_hiv_male_or/)\n\n**pcmasterrace** 10749 : [Windows 10 brings back one of my favorite Win 98 \"features\"](https://www.reddit.com/r/pcmasterrace/comments/3gp5u9/windows_10_brings_back_one_of_my_favorite_win_98/)\n\n**realgirls** 8021 : [Lifeguard](https://www.reddit.com/r/RealGirls/comments/2pvqop/lifeguard/)\n\n**interestingasfuck** 10993 : [Strawberry picking machine](https://www.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/comments/3gmx59/strawberry_picking_machine/)\n\n**frugal** 6150 : [I don't think Gillette is happy with the response to their latest razor advertisement on Facebook, /r/Frugal might find this amusing](https://www.reddit.com/r/Frugal/comments/2msle1/i_dont_think_gillette_is_happy_with_the_response/)\n\n**pokemon** 6582 : [Life inside a pokeball](https://www.reddit.com/r/pokemon/comments/3g0980/life_inside_a_pokeball/)\n\n**imgoingtohellforthis** 10618 : [Consider Yourself Blocked](https://www.reddit.com/r/ImGoingToHellForThis/comments/3gufu2/consider_yourself_blocked/)\n\n**askhistorians** 5879 : [Why are there so many medieval paintings of people battling large snails?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/3tva6h/why_are_there_so_many_medieval_paintings_of/)\n\n**unexpected** 9922 : [Horse escape](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/3hco43/horse_escape/)\n\n**historyporn** 7318 : [High School principal R. Wiley Brownlee was tarred and feathered by the KKK after he left a board meeting where he proposed the school district honor Martin Luther King, Jr. A student took this photo of Brownlee when he returned to the school for help. April 3, 1971. Michigan. [620 x 775]](https://www.reddit.com/r/HistoryPorn/comments/3h7sjr/high_school_principal_r_wiley_brownlee_was_tarred/)\n\n**minecraft** 6643 : [I built a train. On a map. In Survival.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Minecraft/comments/2xwunr/i_built_a_train_on_a_map_in_survival/)\n\n**nsfw_gif** 8159 : [legendarylootz](https://www.reddit.com/r/NSFW_GIF/comments/395mnc/legendarylootz/)\n\n**nfl** 7772 : [Geno smith got sucker punched in locker room this morning. Broken jaw. Out 6-10 weeks at least.](https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/3gm6dh/geno_smith_got_sucker_punched_in_locker_room_this/)\n\n**tattoos** 7385 : [My set. New to all this stuff, any general advice?](https://www.reddit.com/r/tattoos/comments/12qkp6/my_set_new_to_all_this_stuff_any_general_advice/)\n\n**blackpeopletwitter** 24806 : [broke ass nigga](https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/2qw9s0/broke_ass_nigga/)\n\n**lifehacks** 7398 : [Movie music too loud but dialogue too quiet?](https://www.reddit.com/r/lifehacks/comments/3hub4x/movie_music_too_loud_but_dialogue_too_quiet/)\n\n**comics** 9183 : [boxingball z](https://www.reddit.com/r/comics/comments/3id0jq/boxingball_z/)\n\n**soccer** 8918 : [ADO den Haag goalkeeper equaliser in the 94th minute vs PSV](https://www.reddit.com/r/soccer/comments/3gmffm/ado_den_haag_goalkeeper_equaliser_in_the_94th/)\n\n**relationships** 8356 : [[UPDATE]My [26 F] with my husband [29 M] 1 year, he has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, how to make it count?](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3hw1jh/updatemy_26_f_with_my_husband_29_m_1_year_he_has/)\n\n**europe** 5227 : [TIL that North Korea owes 300m to Sweden for 1000 Volvos they stole 40 years ago and Swedes make sure to remind them of that debt every six months](https://www.reddit.com/r/europe/comments/42wcet/til_that_north_korea_owes_300m_to_sweden_for_1000/)\n\n**oddlysatisfying** 8931 : [This Japanese toilet paper holder](https://www.reddit.com/r/oddlysatisfying/comments/3gark7/this_japanese_toilet_paper_holder/)\n\n**justiceporn** 9828 : [Road rage driver assaults motorcyclist, gets taken down](https://www.reddit.com/r/JusticePorn/comments/3d6bmr/road_rage_driver_assaults_motorcyclist_gets_taken/)\n\n**foodporn** 5994 : [Wife is ber preggo, she told me she needed some Chinese takeout and a Philly Cheesesteak. What am I made of money? I made these instead. [OC] Cheesesteak Eggrolls au Jus [5312 x 2988]](https://www.reddit.com/r/FoodPorn/comments/3i9zst/wife_is_ber_preggo_she_told_me_she_needed_some/)\n\n**wheredidthesodago** 9048 : [Science](https://www.reddit.com/r/wheredidthesodago/comments/11w6cf/science/)\n\n**facepalm** 8026 : [Ass or Tits?](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/3gm7us/ass_or_tits/)\n\n**wallpapers** 5335 : [Softened a photo I took of Hollywood blvd](https://www.reddit.com/r/wallpapers/comments/2rr9ec/softened_a_photo_i_took_of_hollywood_blvd/)\n\n**outoftheloop** 8745 : [Why was /r/IAmA, along with a number of other large subreddits, made private?](https://www.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/3bxduw/why_was_riama_along_with_a_number_of_other_large/)\n\n**starwars** 55306 : [[Theory] Jar Jar Binks was a trained Force user, knowing Sith collaborator, and will play a central role in The Force Awakens](https://www.reddit.com/r/StarWars/comments/3qvj6w/theory_jar_jar_binks_was_a_trained_force_user/)\n",
+    "score": 7.0
+  },
+  {
+    "id": "1oxfa2",
+    "title": "Broke up after 5.5 years because she wants to be an actress.",
+    "subreddit": "relationships",
+    "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1oxfa2/broke_up_after_55_years_because_she_wants_to_be/",
+    "content": "Hi\nThis is going to be long and im really sorry about that, but please, read it, you might have wisdom to share\u2026I'm M24 she's F21 (the age difference has been a problem at times, they way we think and act).\n\n\nMy \u201cex\u201d and I broke up just last week. I\u2019m devastated for so many reasons. We\u2019ve been together for 5.5 years, really loving each other and I honestly believe we were perfect for each other on so many levels. She was the kinda girl that I could fully, truly trust and knew she would never do anything to hurt me. And she never did. We broke up because we\u2019ve had problems for awhile now, I\u2019ve been emotionally unavailable for her, never really talking about \u201cserious\u201d stuff, never really talked about my week, day, I mostly kept for myself. She knew that I was like this and she\u2019d learned to deal with it (to some degree). She was somewhat like that also, she rarely talked about \u201creal\u201d stuff, mostly kept to herself. But what we had was love for each other, we would do anything for each other, we were loyal and spent every minute of every free time together (which eventually hurt us because we had no social life outside). \n\n\nThese are all contributing factors, but the main thing was that she\u2019s been wanting to be an actress for a very long time now, and she\u2019d been postponing it cuz of me, she knew I was against it. And she was aware that it meant that she might be going to Hollywood and giving it her all for a very uncertain amount of time, it could be 6 months or 3 years, she just knew that she would regret it if she didn\u2019t at least try. Except for the long distance, it also meant that she would probably do intimate scenes with other men (she would never go naked, or topless or anything like that) but even kissing, making out, having \u201cfake\u201d sex under the covers, walking around in her underwear (depending on the scenes) these are all things she would do if the part was right and there was no other way around it. I just felt like this would go against every fiber in my body, I really wanted to be okay with it, but I just couldn\u2019t, I just cant be the guy whose gf makes out with other men on her job. What really sucks is that she might never do it because she might never get far with the whole actress thing, because it is so unbelievably competitive, so in some way it felt like we would break up in vain, but at the same time, what if it did happen? Is it really better to post pone the inevitable? \n\n\nSo now, we broke up, after being faithful to each other for 5.5 years, spending every free minute together (sure we had lots of different problems along the way, but we never stopped loving each other). What really sucks for me except for the fact that I\u2019ve lost the woman I\u2019ve loved, the one that was my entire world for 5.5 years. I\u2019ve just graduated, scared shitless for the \u201cjob world\u201d, just moved out to my new apartment, living alone (this apartment was meant for us, so now it\u2019s just a fucked up reminder), just ended my first real long term relationship of 5.5 years, and I feel completely lost. Just fucking lost. \n\n\nWhat really bugs me now is that she was really my drive for succeeding, I mean I\u2019ve always had a goal, that in a couple of years we would have a house, car, travel together, maybe have kids. So I had to work hard to graduate, because she was my drive, inspiration, to achieve the goal, I worked hard because I wanted that for us. Now that that\u2019s gone, I feel lost not knowing my ambitions anymore, the drive is gone, shes gone, I mean what am I really fighting for? Before it was a definite girl, house, car\u2026a plan! That is all gone, there\u2019s no plan anymore, the future just went from known to completely fucking unknown, not knowing if I\u2019ll ever find somebody new, somebody I\u2019ll love, somebody to trust (apparently lots of redditers have cheating SO:s, how fucked up is it out there??) somebody to share a beautiful house with (im a civil engineer as silly as it sounds, building my own house has always been a dream, a dream I do not want to live by myself in).  \n\n\nWith me just getting out of school getting into the job hunt (I live in Sweden but I\u2019ve even thought going to US just go get away from here) and just learning to live by myself, and ending my only real long term relationship\u2026this has all been just to overwhelming, I feel lost, scared, alone, loss of ambition, goals, and drive. The future I fought for is gone and now I\u2019m scared I\u2019ll never get that again. I feel like I\u2019ve lost the dream I\u2019ve had for so long that I don\u2019t know what to do now\u2026\n\n\nIm really sorry for the long post, I just wanted to get everything out, I really hope you got this far, again, I\u2019m sorry.\n\nTL;DR this has all been just to overwhelming, I feel lost, scared, alone, loss of ambition, goals, and drive. The future I fought for is gone and now I\u2019m scared I\u2019ll never get that again. I feel like I\u2019ve lost the dream I\u2019ve had for so long that I don\u2019t know what to do now\u2026\n\nAny wisdom?\n",
+    "score": 7.0
+  }
+]
\ No newline at end of file
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+            <h1>Search Results</h1>
+            <div class="meta">Query: reddit astronaut theory<br>Generated: 2026-01-16 23:58:27<br>Results: 101</div>
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+
+        <div class="card">
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2015-12-14</div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">100.0</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3wqdhm/me_28_m_with_my_gf_f_of_11_months_duration_and_im/" target="_blank" class="title">Me [28 M] with my GF [F] of 11 months duration, and I&#x27;m suddenly questioning our relationship after something she said</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">So I have to start with a little background.  I was raised with a very strong appreciation for science, stars, etc. We&#x27;d spend weekends as a kid with my telescope at the local observatory looking at the stars. Watching star wars, star trek, star gate, and Cosmos like TV shows (to name a few) were the kinda stuff I grew up on. For instance, on vacations,  instead of going to Disney world, we&#x27;d first go to see the Saturn rockets for my brother and I to marvel at. To this day my favorite actor is Tom hanks, and I watched Apollo 13 religiously. Heck I went to space camp... One of those kids that could site you the exact compositions of the sun. Real geeky stuff.  Heck for a college major, I chose a science direction because of my upbringing.
+
+As for my current relationship: my gf, let&#x27;s call her C. C is genuine, kind, sweet, cute, very innocent(Catholic school good girl), and most importantly open and honest. She is more into girly things, like Princess movies(no scary stuff allowed), clothes, jewelry, and the occasional gossip as opposed to deeper intellectual pursuits. So while she wasn&#x27;t at all into science and knowledge as much as I was, she was very into art and has a very good side gig with her photography business(and I&#x27;ll admit she takes really great one of a kind photos) and I appreciated and respected her for that. Plus she is fun and our conversations, despite being rather superficial, tend to be light hearted and entertaining. That being the case, I rarely delve into science talk, or discussion in the upcoming star wars movie because of her waning interest. normally if I talk about anything in detail I just get a blank stare that says &quot;I love that you&#x27;re trying to talk to me about this but, it&#x27;s Greek to me OP&quot; or &quot;you must be real fun at parties.&quot;  Although lately I have been missing the ability to have deeper conversations than who said what.  But it&#x27;s something I&#x27;m fine with as I have plenty of friends who share my enthusiasm for these topics.
+
+Fast forward to today I was showing her an info graphic (on reddit) showing the depths of how deep humanity has explored the sea. At the bottom it showed a submersible at the deepest part with (1960) on it.
+
+She remarked &quot;that&#x27;s bogus, how can they say they&#x27;ve been there in the 1960s when we can&#x27;t even get there today... Just like with the moon landings.&quot;
+
+I&#x27;ll have to admit my brow furrowed pretty deep. Whereas I knew she had an innocence of knowledge due to interest in more artistic humanities, tinfoil hat conspiracy theories are news to me.
+&quot;what do you mean,&quot; I quickly inquired.
+
+&quot;well the moon we didn&#x27;t land on the moon. It was all fake. The flag was blowing in the wind. Just like how we can&#x27;t go to the bottom of the ocean today, and all manned spaced craft blow up before making it to the moon even today. The moon landing was faked.&quot;
+Honestly, with her deadpan humor and left hook punchlines, I thought she was pulling my leg.
+
+She wasn&#x27;t. Even some reasoning didn&#x27;t work. Crazy facts, zero reasoning. Zero belief in what I said. Full tinfoil government conspiracy Hat.
+
+I know going into this relationship that the reality is i signed up for this one reddit,  but it really did rock me. I saw her version of my interests, in the same way that I don&#x27;t know how to set camera iso, or how to photoshop edit. In my mind it would be the analogy of me saying to her that Photography is bullshit.   But one of my biggest red flags was out-there conspiracy theorists(ones based all on conjecture and wildly falsified facts) . To me,  they are all a little whacky. The sad thing is while I love her, I&#x27;m seriously now left wondering if this is really the right relationship for me... Over a darn moon landing. Yess I&#x27;m left writing this with massively cold as the dark side of the moon-feet. So, am I wrong?
+
+Tl;dr in a relationship with a girl who doesn&#x27;t share my love of science, but that&#x27;s okay, she&#x27;s great at other things like art. Today she reveals she&#x27;s a tinfoil Hatter and I can&#x27;t get over it.</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+            <div class="tag-list"><span class="tag-pill">telescope</span><span class="tag-pill">observatory</span><span class="tag-pill">science upbringing</span><span class="tag-pill">Apollo 13</span><span class="tag-pill">space camp</span><span class="tag-pill">Catholic school</span><span class="tag-pill">Princess movies</span><span class="tag-pill">photography business</span></div>
+        </div>
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+            <div class="content "></div>
+
+
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+            <div class="content "></div>
+
+            <div class="tag-list"><span class="tag-pill">house party</span><span class="tag-pill">drunk friend</span><span class="tag-pill">passed out</span><span class="tag-pill">sibling&#x27;s room</span><span class="tag-pill">pretending to sleep</span><span class="tag-pill">inappropriate touching</span><span class="tag-pill">waking up</span><span class="tag-pill">confrontation</span></div>
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Unknown</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">Unknown Date</div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">30.0</span>
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+
+
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+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TrueOffMyChest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2023-08-25</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">27.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/160ocgt/spied_on_a_sociopath_for_a_four_digit_payment_and/" target="_blank" class="title">spied on a sociopath for a four digit payment and got a smear campaign in return</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">This is probably gonna be long so bear with me or don&#x27;t, that&#x27;s fine too.
+
+Don&#x27;t really know why but I kinda wanna get this off my chest and I&#x27;m still not sure if it&#x27;s karma or if it&#x27;s a learning lesson.
+
+As I&#x27;m quite afraid that some of the people in my life use reddit on a daily basis and might be able to identify who it&#x27;s about I&#x27;m gonna keep some details out and hope it doesn&#x27;t bother anyone.
+
+TLDR; spied on someone in exchange for a four digit payment, found out crazy stuff (not too much of it is mentioned for identity and legal reasons), also found out the guy I was spying on was a sociopath and held a smear campaign against me and stalked me afterwards, &#x27;til this day and I got an insight into what a sociopath is like.
+
+Let&#x27;s get to it shall we?
+
+Last year I (f 24) started going to a new bar that was quite popular and met someone (let&#x27;s call him AB) the first night. AB seemed kinda off but was very polite and trying to keep up the conversation no matter how many times I said I wasn&#x27;t interested. As he wasn&#x27;t really flirting and mostly asking personal questions I obviously got curious what his deal was but he laughed it off and left me alone.
+
+I met him again the next few times and every single time he approached me and wanted to get to know me more. I asked him why out of everyone there was he so focused on me so he told me.
+
+There&#x27;s someone (m 40, let&#x27;s call him XY) that he needs to find out more about. He didn&#x27;t wanna tell me details and I laughed it off and thought he was a creep. But he didn&#x27;t let loose and offered me money to get close to XY and find out specific things about him. I was weirded out and told him to basically F off. But then he told me the sum. It was a pretty nice number but I of course didn&#x27;t believe him as so many are on drugs on night outs and I got intimidated and wanted to leave.
+
+But AB swore up and down that he was fully sober and even showed me his ID to gain my trust and gave me his phone number to call him if I change my mind.
+
+I don&#x27;t recall when he left but I didn&#x27;t see him again that night and the following nights.
+
+Next time I was in town I ran into AB and he wanted to continue where we had left off the last time and asked me to grab a coffee with him and just talk and I could decide after if I wanted to do this.
+
+To keep this part very short, he convinced me and I agreed to it.
+
+Only rules were to get close to XY and find out very personal things about his life and his finances and some things about his job (which I can&#x27;t mention as it would give away his identity), etc. you get the deal, and then report back to him. I got XY&#x27;s socials and some information such as his name, age and some details about his personal life to get started and to know what I was getting myself into. And most importantly that XY could never ever find out about this and neither could I tell anyone else.
+
+AB also paid me half in advance and promised more. We&#x27;re talking four digits. Smaller amount than you might think but still four digits and it was just the first payment. There was more to come.
+
+We talked about the plan and went through everything and how I could catch his eye because XY was known to be very flirty with every single woman that he came across and I&#x27;m not the only pretty one there lol. We also made up a whole persona for me and some made up stories about my sad childhood and family problems that I would eventually tell him in a &quot;drunk and vulnerable state&quot; to gain his trust and then act like I don&#x27;t remember to also make him think that I would forget things he might tell me when I&#x27;m drunk in general.
+
+First two nights at this bar didn&#x27;t really work out and I wasn&#x27;t really into it anymore but didn&#x27;t know how to tell AB because he had already paid me. So I tried the only thing I could think of which was to act like the drunk silly funny innocent girl and to my surprise it actually worked.
+
+XY approached me and started flirting with me so I started acting even more drunk and flirty. I wasn&#x27;t nearly as drunk as he thought I was but it was working so I went with it. He gave me his socials and I went back to my friends and partied the rest of the night. Through the night he came up to me a couple of times and flirted with me.
+
+A couple days went by and XY didn&#x27;t seem as interested since he hadn&#x27;t texted me too much and I thought I was losing the deal and started texting him more. He seemed kind of hesitant but then started absolutely love bombing me out of a sudden. This happened in a span of maybe two to three weeks. He even got me a christmas present and I hadn&#x27;t even known him for a month at this point.
+
+I kept acting like the drunk innocent party girl that was only clubbing to have fun and make some friends and acted like I didn&#x27;t remember any of it the following day. Everyone ate it up lol.
+
+AB had also told me that XY actually has a girlfriend but keeps her very private, not in a sweet way as you might think but more in a way of presenting him as a single man.
+
+I already knew some of the backstory of XY and his girlfriend from AB and felt really bad for her but also thought that this might be eye opening to her and she will eventually leave XY when this deal is over. I was very naive so to say.
+
+First thing AB asked me to do was to place an AirTag in his car. Not telling anyone if I did or not for legal reasons.
+
+So everytime I went out to party and he was there I had to act the way AB told me to. Flirt with him, get him to like me, get him to drink if I can and subtly ask about personal stuff. So I did. I didn&#x27;t like him from the beginning, not even a little bit. I was actually disgusted by him but oh the things you do for fun and high sums of money. I know all this is morally very wrong but what shall I say.
+
+It didn&#x27;t take long and soon XY was love bombing me even more, got very controlling and started telling everyone that I was his girlfriend. He introduced me to literally everyone and pushed me to meet his friends and even his siblings. I was very creeped out and felt extremely uncomfortable and asked AB to end this and wanted to pay him back because I wanted to chicken out of this BS game but he basically begged me to keep going and promised to help me if anything happened and to end this if it got really bad. I agreed.
+
+At this point I had already received three four digit payments from AB and couldn&#x27;t complain. I didn&#x27;t actually need the money but who would&#x27;ve said no to the amount that I was getting? No one.
+
+AB asked me to start meeting XY in private spaces and go on dates and maybe invite him to my place so I could gain his trust. He gave me cameras for my apartment for safety, even set them up for me and signed me up for the accounts to be able to check them at all times so I would feel a little safer when XY came to my place. I also had some self defence things hidden in different spots such as pepper spray.
+
+At some points I thought he knew what was going on but this dude was so in love with his narcissistic self that he thought he just landed a 24 yr old hottie while being a miserable old F that was cheating on his poor girlfriend that he had abused for more than ten years prior to this (and still to this day does). That&#x27;s also a reason why I kept going because I thought he deserved it anyway.
+
+He was doing things for me that he would&#x27;ve never done for her and things that she begged him for and that were never even up to debate.He didn&#x27;t bat an eye to do them for me though. Such as introducing me to everyone. Telling everyone he was taken. Buying me flowers many times even without any occasion or reason at all. Picking me up and driving me every single time no matter when or where.Doing whatever I asked him to even without hesitation. Those are just a few. He was talking about a future together and children and that I would the best mother he could imagine. He told me he would propose to me soon.
+
+I never wanted to get married and especially not to that psychopath. He knew that but he still kept talking about those things. I had told him multiple times that we are not a couple and that I didn&#x27;t want people to think that I was actually his girlfriend. At this point I think it was not even two whole months of us talking. This guy was an absolute nightmare.
+
+Are you keeping his age in mind? Not to judge anybody because of their age but a 40 year old father to a teenager daughter talking to a girl thats just 10 years older than his daughter like that? Telling me how mature I am for my age and what not. Trying to groom me as if I didn&#x27;t look through his nasty intentions.
+
+But as more time went on and XY became even creepier I got really scared about my personal information and my safety so AB and I had different fake documents in my apartment as a kind of wrong track or disguise? I don&#x27;t know what other word to use but I hope you get what I mean. We also decided on code words if he was to ever call or text me while I was with XY because XY had already become so controlling to the point where he was checking my messages almost every single day and even went on my phone while I was asleep.
+
+He started his narcissistic abusive BS as in controlling me, trying to gaslight me, trying to turn things around and make everything my fault and saying that I was flirting with every guy that was even in the same room as me and a lot more. He thought that these kind of things would work on me but I know about these things a little too well.
+
+I reported everyhing back to AB. Every work call that XY had, every personal thing no matter how small it seemed I immediatly told AB. At one point I started rewinding the cameras and writing things down because XY would fight and argue so much that I would sometimes forget things.
+
+I then started to record conversations and just simply send them to AB. Later I got suspicious that XY was starting to ponder and thought he found one of the cameras at my place or found out that I was recording him but well he didn&#x27;t. XY knew that I had multiple phones but one was a complete set up, the second one was barely used, only sometimes to record him and I had a third one as my &quot;actual phone&quot; and told XY that I just got a new one because the &quot;old one&quot; froze a lot.
+
+He got suspicious but he could&#x27;ve never in a million years guessed that this was what I was doing because even I myself can&#x27;t believe that I did this for months. His thoughts went more to me texting other guys behind his back and &quot;cheating on him&quot;.
+
+I knew that he checked my phone when I was sleeping and I knew what he was doing in my apartment when I was either not there or asleep but I couldn&#x27;t say anything or else I would give myself away so I started to get nervous about this whole thing because he genuinely seemed like the kinda guy that would get physically abusive.
+
+AB didn&#x27;t want me to end this yet because he had gotten so much of the information that he was hoping for but knew that XY was still very cautious about telling me too much. He would shorten names of coworkers when he talked about them to me and just write the first letter of their name so that I would know who he is talking about but less enough so that I wouldn&#x27;t be able to tell anyone that he was talking about them. Or he would prefer to not talk about specific things over text but little did he know I was recording everything anyway.
+
+XY would get like those narcissists you see on clips online when they get caught and throw a temper tantrum when I would call him out on his BS sometimes and get this squeaky voice and refuse to leave my apartment when I asked him to multiple times. I would have to threaten to call the police so he would eventually leave my place. He would cry crocodile tears and then get mad and mumble to himself and the next moment he&#x27;d tell me some made up stories about his sad childhood and what a poor soul he is. He would always say that he is the best, most loyal and honest man on earth and would never ever even hurt a fly.
+
+While praising himself as if he was a god sent angel he would talk about his ex girlfriend like she was the most furious, worst mom ever to their daughter and a narcissist and a psychopath. That she cheated on him and he is so poor and oh my lord. I&#x27;m about to throw up thinking about this again.
+
+He gave himself away a couple of times like when he told me how he got a better position in a job way back by manipulating his coworkers into thinking that he is so very nice and innocent and only thinking about them and never himself or when he slipped up a couple of times about coworkers and his boss at his job. Unfortunately can&#x27;t get into details here.
+
+I basically knew the personal lives of all the people around him. Someone broke up with someone? I knew it immediately. Someone got an STD? Knew it. Someone had money problems? Knew all of it. At this point I had gained a lot of his trust because he thought I was young and naive and didn&#x27;t remember anything after a night out because I was &quot;so drunk&quot;. Right. Kept that one going &#x27;til the end lol.
+
+He got so comfortable around me that I think he sometimes forgot that I was there and listening when he would lie to someone on the phone and tell them some fabricated story just to get money out of them or anything that he desired and to manipulate people to side with him. I once even listened to him for hours on  end on the phone running up and down in my living room with two different people alternating on the phone and talking bad about one to the other and vice versa. He did this in front of me. Many times. It was crazy.
+
+Once he even tried to get me to text a higher boss some message to get someone fired and cause problems and I played into it but of course I would&#x27;ve never actually went through with it. But now I had the private personal number of the higher boss. XY just thought that I was a silly little girl that he could use to his advantage.
+
+One time AB asked me to try and get the whole conversation history of XY and his ex girlfriend. He even asked me to find out the cloud of his ex and his daughter. If I did this and if I actually sent it to AB is gonna be kept to myself for legal reasons.
+
+I went on night outs so many times that I started to make friends there and I didn&#x27;t want them to view me as the drunk party girl that was so naive and had a brain the size of a peanut because I was acting like that for XY so I stopped doing that in front of them and I think XY noticed the change. The people I met there were also good informants though. Found out a couple more things about XY. Big things. I was really good at acting drunk and acting like I didn&#x27;t remember much the day after. This part was actually fun.
+
+XY got very controlling he went as far as checking the trash in my bathroom and toilet every single time he was at my place and looking for any clues that a guy might have been at my place. He once asked me if I used tampons because he found one wrapped up in toilet paper in the trash can in my toilet. Like W.T.F.?! WHO in the right mind checks the trash in someones home let alone a tampon WRAPPED IN TOILET PAPER?! He actually took it out of the trash can and unwrapped it to check what it was.
+
+When I tell you that I had chills and had to text AB to come to my place immediately and stay nearby in his car if anything happens. I was really scared to be honest. I could never eat anything he cooked out of distrust and was very cautious when eating take away that he had brought me because I didn&#x27;t know what he was capable of or what was going on in his mind.
+
+This whole time there was so much more that happened and so many bigger things that I found out but for the sake of his daughter who is already a young teenager I don&#x27;t want this to get out and people to find out who this is about but getting this off my chest feels really good.
+
+I did report to AB all of the things he wanted to know and even more but I was very done with all of this as XY was abusing me emotionally and mentally, fighting and arguing with me every single day, trying to gaslight me and talk bad about me, he even tried sending dudes my way to find out if I would cheat on him. I had told him from the beginning and frequently that we were not a couple and that I was single.
+
+Then things started to get bad for XY concerning finances. He was fighting with his ex girlfriend (f 41) and gaslighting her, lying to her and abusing her because he freaked out that he was about to lose some big things. He even blackmailed and threatened her. I felt so bad for his ex girlfriend that I just couldn&#x27;t and didn&#x27;t want to do this anymore. I also felt really bad for his daughter and tried to make up for it by buying her things and presents even if she didn&#x27;t even know me. I didn&#x27;t want to get to know her and told XY to tell him that the presents were from him. But it didn&#x27;t seem right. I felt very sad for her and also for his ex girlfriend who seemed very desperate and exhausted from him.
+
+The biggest part of their fight is one I can&#x27;t tell on here but you can guess what it could be that they were fighting over and that was my last straw. It wasn&#x27;t his cheating. I couldn&#x27;t stand his disgusting face, his irritating voice and his nasty and rotten self anymore. I hated every inch of him and felt so so sorry for his daughter to have such a piece of garbage as a father. He never looked after her, he never cared for her and didn&#x27;t ever want her. He would procrastinate picking her up and would never want to take her anywhere or help her with homework but he was always in for blaming her and punishing her but the punishing was to be done by the mother so that he wouldn&#x27;t be the bad guy. At one point he even told me that he regrets having her and that he wished he never had a kid but caught himself very fast as he knew that I love kids and am very sensitive when it comes to them. He never wanted kids and he still doesn&#x27;t want her and plans to leave her once she turns 18. And because he knew how much I love kids and cared for them he used this information to act like he was a good father and gain sympathy points but I knew he wasn&#x27;t. He&#x27;s a dead beat.
+
+I was utterly disgusted by him and for no money on earth or anything else in this life could I keep going so I called AB.
+
+This was it. I didn&#x27;t want to continue anymore and AB asked me for one last thing. He wanted a copy of his cloud and his phone in general. He had asked me twice for this on seperate occasions throughout the whole time this was playing out but for legal reasons I&#x27;m going to keep the answer if I did this or not to myself. It was. a. lot. of. money. for that. Even more than for anything else.
+
+After the breakdown of this whole ordeal AB and me met up and talked about a smooth ending or even something a little dramatic because we were suspecting that XY knew something.
+
+XY started suspecting that guys had been coming over to my place and that I was with someone else and even told other people about this. Every single one of them reached out to me though and asked me if I was alright because he was acting like a psychopath and they were worried for me.
+
+So I met up with XY, of course not at my place as I felt really uncomfortable in his presence already and told him that I couldn&#x27;t continue this the way it was and that I didn&#x27;t want a relationship with him and that I didn&#x27;t believe him the things he said and that he was actually broken up with his ex. Playing the good &#x27;ol jealousy card. He cried crocodile tears even got some real tears out and tried to change my mind. We stood outside for hours and he just didn&#x27;t want to let go and accept my decision but I managed to keep up the show of the innocent girl that was sad to end things but that it just didn&#x27;t feel right and wasn&#x27;t what I wanted. I was so utterly disgusted by him that I was so relieved when I turned around and walked home.
+
+Not long after, maybe half an hour after that, he texted me and cried to me about how he misses me and doesn&#x27;t want this to end and that he is endlessly in love with me and blah blah blah.
+
+I tried to be nice just so he would finally leave me alone and I thought he would.
+
+Sike. Little did I know that he started a smear campaign the moment he left. Telling lies everywhere he goes and spreading rumours and things that never happened or weren&#x27;t true and bad mouthing me. Interogating everyone that was still in touch with me or even only had me on their socials and telling people to stay away from me. He started to literally interogate friends of mine and told people to update him as soon as I post something and to tell him about my whereabouts, who I was with, etc. It was very very crazy and definitely scary. He was blocked on everything I had and still always knew where I was, who I was with and so on. I even quit my job and moved out of my apartment because of all this. Better safe than sorry.
+
+So I told AB about all this and he promised he would take care of it and to not worry about it. Got my last payment and packed some stuff and left the country to get over all of this.
+
+Unfortunately some of the people he dragged into his smear campaign about me believed him but oh well, they truly don&#x27;t know a single thing about me. Some of them reached out to me though and told me that they felt sorry for me because he was acting so out of control and some even told me that I should get a restraining order against him or sue him for defamation of character. It was that bad. He is an absolute sociopath.
+
+Well, he changed his job and got back together with his ex which he was never actually broken up with and thinks this is it. He thinks he won. I wonder what the prize is.
+
+After all of this I couldn&#x27;t help but feel even worse for his ex girlfriend or now girlfriend and I felt like I owe her something. So I wanted to call her and tell her something. I can&#x27;t write what it is as it would definitely give away the identity if someone around me found this post but she deserves to know. I feel very bad for her. But I&#x27;m not gonna be the one she hears it from. As sorry as I am. I never want to even hear his name ever again.
+
+I never could&#x27;ve imagined what a sociopath is like and I thought I had met some people with narcissistic traits but believe me when I say you can only speculate until you actually meet one and it hits you like a train.
+
+I never found out why AB wanted this but I had a feeling that it had something to do with minors and theft mostly, maybe involved drugs but I&#x27;m not sure about that one. I had heard from a couple of people that XY was involved in some bad things involving minors, drugs and clubbing. I never asked about details. I just couldn&#x27;t. There was no evidence to my knowledge. But maybe AB found something on his cloud that he may or may not have gotten from me. Can&#x27;t say anything about that on here.
+
+I realized that AB is someone that would rather collect evidence for years than act on one piece of something the moment he finds out. He&#x27;s someone that doesn&#x27;t get revenge as soon as he gets the chance. I noticed that he is the kind to wait for a time someone will least expect it. As AB said himself, it could be in a week, a couple of months or maybe even years. But he was always polite, very restrained, kept his word, kept me safe as promised, very patient and paid me extremely well.
+
+XY had pictures saved of different women in an app that he thought he could keep safe and locked. I don&#x27;t wanna get into details but you can guess what kind of pictures. There was so much on that phone that literally was so disgusting I wish I hadn&#x27;t seen any of it. But all of those women will get their justice eventually. It&#x27;s just not gonna be me handling it.
+
+Well, I guess that&#x27;s all. Might edit if I remember more but my thoughts are all over the place thinking about this again.
+
+Felt really good to get this off my chest.
+
+To say the least I am absolutely traumatized.
+
+Thanks for reading if anyone got this far. So very sorry it was so long.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Edit: added something I remembered and corrected a typo
+
+Edit 2: more typos and some formatting, so sorry</div>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/self</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-12-10</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">25.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1hbeze6/before_you_make_up_your_mind_on_luigi_mangione/" target="_blank" class="title">Before you make up your mind on Luigi Mangione based on what the media tells you about him, know that his Reddit account paints its own picture of who he is</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">There&#x27;s reason to believe that u/mister_cactus is the UHC shooting suspect Luigi Mangione. Credit to [this comment](https://np.reddit.com/r/spinalfusion/comments/1hajvwr/luigi_mangiones_spinal_fusion_looks_like_an_l5s1/m19pau7/) which is where I first saw this. Dug into the account for the fun of it.
+
+The account is suspended, so all record of its posts/comments comes from Reddit archives.
+
+Archive of all posts from the account: [Primary](https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&amp;author=mister_cactus&amp;size=100), [Secondary](https://ihsoyct.github.io/?mode=submissions&amp;subreddit=&amp;sort_type=created_utc&amp;sort=desc&amp;limit=100&amp;after=&amp;before=&amp;author=Mister_cactus&amp;score=&amp;num_comments=&amp;q=)
+
+Archive of all comments from the account: [Primary](https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=comment&amp;author=mister_cactus&amp;size=100), [Secondary](https://ihsoyct.github.io/?mode=comments&amp;subreddit=&amp;sort_type=created_utc&amp;sort=desc&amp;limit=100&amp;after=&amp;before=&amp;author=Mister_cactus&amp;score=&amp;num_comments=&amp;q=)
+
+Both primary/secondary links should have the same content, but included both in case one goes down or something.
+
+## Proof
+
+It&#x27;s known that he has a Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, Snapchat, and more, while being a tech bro, so it&#x27;s no surprise that he&#x27;d be on Reddit as well.
+
+Here are some snippets of evidence that I compiled in order to prove that the account belonged to Mangione. Note that the first point here is pretty cut and dry, everything else just further confirms it.
+
+**Linked to his own GitHub**
+
+He commented [this](https://i.imgur.com/mqwhbCy.png) on r/FTC (robotics competition for high schoolers?). Notice that it links to his code on GitHub ... and it&#x27;s Luigi Mangione&#x27;s GitHub. Yeah, pretty cut and dry lol.
+
+He was in fact into robotics in high school (and he would be in high school in 2016 so that checks out).
+
+Unfortunately I typed the rest of this out before finding that piece of definitive evidence, so here it is if anyone&#x27;s curious:
+
+**Attended the University of Pennsylvania during the same time frame**
+
+Luigi Mangione graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in 2020. This [image](https://i.imgur.com/rtAqHfZ.png) shows that the Reddit account posted a question about housing in r/UPenn in 2017, which would check out.
+
+**Was a computer science undergraduate student**
+
+Luigi Mangione majored in computer science at the University of Pennsylvania. This [image](https://i.imgur.com/sVwtKXI.png) shows that the Reddit account made a post where he says &quot;I&#x27;m an undergraduate pursuing a degree in computer science,&quot; again lining up with when he was at UPenn.
+
+**Same age**
+
+In 2018, the Reddit account made a post to r/sleep. Here&#x27;s an [image](https://i.imgur.com/EfsAt4t.png).
+
+It mentions being a 20-year-old male. 2018 was 6 years ago, and he is now 26-years-old, so this lines up (I do not think we know his exact day of birth).
+
+**Shared an interest in Ted Kaczynski**
+
+According to Mangione&#x27;s GoodReads account, he left a positive review for the Ted Kaczynski&#x27;s manifesto and called him a prodigy and political revolutionary. [Source](https://www.yahoo.com/news/person-interest-unitedhealthcare-shooting-gave-192123970.html).
+
+The Reddit account likely posted [this video](https://np.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/comments/1czali0/streaming_overdose_2024_china/) to r/tedkaczynski. Technically all we know is that he had a post on r/tedkaczynski with the same title as the post I just linked and his post was two days after the original - we can&#x27;t see what the attached video was. Given the identical title and being in the same week, it was likely a crosspost.
+
+[IMAGE](https://i.imgur.com/UKC4y43.png)
+
+**Had serious back problems**
+
+The Reddit account was very active on r/Spondylolisthesis. According to Google, &quot;Spondylolisthesis is a condition where a vertebra in the spine slips out of place, usually in the lower back.&quot;
+
+This includes [this post](https://i.imgur.com/GRX4hhD.png) where he listed athletic success stories as motivation to other people suffering from the condition.
+
+[Here&#x27;s](https://www.foxnews.com/us/unitedhealthcare-ceo-murder-suspect-luigi-mangione-complained-about-back-surgery-before-slaying) a news article that mentions Luigi Mangione&#x27;s back problems.
+
+**Aggravated injury due to surfing**
+
+Last year (2023), the Reddit account says that they&#x27;re 25M (again, age lines up) and says, &quot;I first aggravated my spondy 1.5 years ago after surfing.&quot; [Image](https://i.imgur.com/0Mux0In.png)
+
+This lines up with Luigi Mangione. The [following article](https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/luigi-mangione-charged-unitedhealthcare-ceo-shooting/) says:
+
+&gt; CBS News has also learned Mangione had been living at a co-working, co-living space called Surfbreak in Honolulu up until 2022, when a spokesperson for that community says he left due to a lifelong back injury that was exacerbated by surfing and hiking.
+
+&gt; Sources tell CBS News back pain was a major factor in his life and appeared to be a source of pain and frustration for him.
+
+**Shared an interest in Agronomics**
+
+According to Google, &quot;Agronomics is a London-listed company that invests in cellular agriculture, which is the production of agricultural products from microorganisms and cell cultures. Agronomics uses biotechnology, synthetic biology, and tissue engineering to produce proteins, fats, or tissues&quot;
+
+[Here is a post from Luigi&#x27;s Twitter account talking about the company.](https://nitter.poast.org/PepMangione/status/1790412503857705302#m)
+
+Ton of comments from the Reddit account on r/agronomics, [here&#x27;s an image of a few](https://i.imgur.com/dxglYEP.png).
+
+**Lived in Hawaii at some point**
+
+I don&#x27;t know Luigi Mangione&#x27;s entire life story, but the surfing thing occurred in Hawaii and his LinkedIn has his location as Hawaii. Well, in 2023 this Reddit account commented on r/Oahu that he loves stargazing at &quot;Ke&#x27;ana Point&quot;. Here&#x27;s an [image](https://i.imgur.com/7mGJHuY.png). That&#x27;s in Hawaii.
+
+## Takeaways
+
+Okay, now that we know that it&#x27;s him... what does the Reddit account tell us?
+
+Here are some things that I noticed from its comment history.
+
+**He&#x27;s a kind guy**
+
+Most of his Reddit activity is on r/Spondylolisthesis and it&#x27;s rather uninteresting in the sense that it&#x27;s... mostly just him being nice to other people, giving them advice and motivation.
+
+Here are some quotes from r/Spondylolisthesis specifically.
+
+- &quot;You&#x27;ll do great, whatever you decide. [...] We can&#x27;t be afraid to live our own lives to the fullest!&quot;
+- &quot;Of course. Also feel free to DM me if you have any questions in the future&quot;
+- &quot;Sorry you&#x27;re also a member of this shitty club, but know that you&#x27;ll be fine whatever you decide&quot;
+- &quot;Hope that helps and sorry you have to go through this&quot;
+- &quot;Surgery is scary, but the sooner you get past this, the better. Good luck with the neurosurgeon consult!&quot;
+
+Pretty mundane stuff, but with how much douchebaggery you see on the Internet, it&#x27;s a breath of fresh air in a sense. Most of these are parts of longer comments where he gives detailed thoughts / advice, you can see those in the archive.
+
+**Some of his interests include**
+
+Football: he commented on r/nflmemes and r/fantasyfootball
+
+Pokémon Go: he commented on r/pokemongo back in 2016, along with r/pokemongodev nd r/TheSilphRoad.
+
+Flipping: he commented on r/Flipping and r/ThriftStoreHauls
+
+Bioinformatics: he commented on r/bioinformatics
+
+&quot;One Bag&quot;: he was active on r/onebag in 2024. According to the subreddit description, it is &quot;an &#x27;urban&#x27; travel community devoted to the idea of helping people lug around less crap; onebag travel&quot;
+
+**He was struggling in more ways than one**
+
+On top of his back problems, he commented on r/BrainFog, r/visualsnow, and r/ibs.
+
+According to WebMD, &quot;Brain fog isn’t a medical condition. It’s a term used for certain symptoms that can affect your ability to think. You may feel confused or disorganized or find it hard to focus or put your thoughts into words.&quot;
+
+According to Wikpedia, &quot;Visual snow syndrome (VSS) is an uncommon neurological condition in which the primary symptom is that affected individuals see persistent flickering white, black, transparent, or colored dots across the whole visual field.&quot;
+
+And IBS is irritable bowel syndrome.
+
+And for what it&#x27;s worth, the brain fog activity was in 2018, before COVID (it&#x27;s apparently a reported symptom of COVID).
+
+Here&#x27;s a neat snippet of a long form comment on r/BrainFog during his time at UPenn six years ago.
+
+&gt; Working through the degree has certainly been tougher than anything I ever even thought I could handle. Granted, I went from almost entirely A’s at a tough school to just passing my classes and not understanding anything while putting in probably twice the amount of work.
+
+&gt; Funny how you mention strategy games. Last year when it all started, I used to play chess daily against my roommate. I used it as a metric to see how the brain fog was improving. Eventually, I just stopped since I could never remember any strategy. He would use the same moves against me day after day and I just wouldn’t remember them.
+
+&gt; I think it helps to latch onto something for motivation. My choice to study CS and Bio wasn’t completely random - after spending so much time with brain fog, I’ve come to realize how little is understood about it, and I’d love to change that. Once I get past this, I hope to at least help a few of the people on this sub.
+
+[Here&#x27;s an image of the whole comment](https://i.imgur.com/aXFr7If.png).
+
+**Miscellaneous**
+
+There are two other random Reddit comments he had outside of his usual subreddits that I found somewhat interesting.
+
+Both of these comments were on an r/facepalm post from April 2024 about Elon Musk having a transgender daughter.
+
+One specific comment thread made fun of Musk for being high on ketamine, and then a random Redditor basically argued that people should be more open minded about substances that can be used to treat depression. The comment was downvoted, and Mangione replied &quot;Weird double standard by reddit here regarding treatments for depression. Now sure how this is being downvoted&quot;. [Image here](https://i.imgur.com/d3ySr6U.png). There is some evidence on Mangione&#x27;s Twitter defending drug use as well, including psychedelics.
+
+This other exchange was on the same post about Musk.
+
+- A user commented &quot;Feels pretty silly to not believe there is at least some social contagion element at play.&quot; They sit at -58 points on this comment.
+
+- A person replied &quot;I grew up really religious and still turned out trans. Just took me years of depression because my family wouldn&#x27;t accept. No one ever talked about trans people.&quot;
+
+- Original commenter said &quot;DID I SAY TRANS PEOPLE DONT EXIST FOR FUCKS SAKE? This is why no one can have a conversation. 10 downvotes and been reported already for saying there might be some aspect of growing trans population resulting from social contagion. Fuck me, I guess I’m just satan.&quot;
+
+- There was a long back-and-forth between these two fellas, as Reddit tends to go, but at this point Mangione&#x27;s account replied and said: &quot;This is one of the crazier comment threads I&#x27;ve seen on reddit, that reminds me how much of an echo chamber this site is. How the hell are you being reported for merely suggesting that both &quot;nature&quot; and &quot;nuture&quot; play roles in human behavior. Literally nothing bigoted or controversial about that statement.&quot;
+
+## The elephant in the room
+
+The obvious questions: Did he talk about healthcare? UHC? Brian Thompson?
+
+No bomb shells, exactly.
+
+In 2018, in a thread on r/IBS, a user asked him if insurance covered a test that Mangione received from his doctor.
+
+Mangione&#x27;s account responded that &quot;BCBS covered my test&quot;. [Image](https://i.imgur.com/Mjj4XM8.png)
+
+Now, that was six years ago, but for what it&#x27;s worth, BCBS is &quot;Blue Cross Blue Shield&quot;. They are NOT United Healthcare (UHC). They&#x27;re actually the company that recently received criticism for a newly announced anesthesia payment policy and ended up reversing it in light of Brian Thompson&#x27;s death. [Source](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-care/anthem-blue-cross-blue-shield-time-limits-anesthesia-surgery-rcna183035)
+
+This doesn&#x27;t really mean anything because it was six years ago.
+
+The only other somewhat adjacent thing that I found was a comment in response to a post where somebody asked for help convincing a surgeon that they needed spinal fusion surgery because their pain is unbearable.
+
+Mangione&#x27;s account gave multiple suggestions, including: &quot;Tell them you are &quot;unable to work&quot; / do your job. We live in a capitalist society. I&#x27;ve found that the medical industry responds to these key words far more urgently than you describing unbearable pain and how it&#x27;s impacting your quality of life.&quot; [Image of the full comment](https://i.imgur.com/B3w4X0u.png).
+
+## Conclusion
+
+It would be silly for me to tell you not to blindly trust the media and then tell you to blindly trust me. So do your own research if you&#x27;re interested. The links at the top of the post will allow you to do so.
+
+My take?
+
+Kind-hearted, smart kid. Suffered from a host of problems, far more than anybody, let alone a young man in their 20s should deal with.
+
+According to his Reddit activity, he suffered from:
+
+- Debilitating back pain
+- Irritable bowel syndrome
+- Brain fog
+- Visual snow
+
+Nonetheless, he came to Reddit to help others with the same problems and give them the same motivation that seemed to help him.
+
+I won&#x27;t speculate on why he did what he did for the sake of objectivity, but I hope people engage on the topic with a better sense of who he might&#x27;ve been, because there will certainly be an attempt to paint him in a specific way.</div>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Unknown</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">Unknown Date</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">25.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="#" target="_blank" class="title">No Title</a>
+            <div class="content "></div>
+
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Unknown</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">Unknown Date</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">20.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="#" target="_blank" class="title">No Title</a>
+            <div class="content "></div>
+
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TwoXChromosomes</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2021-07-23</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">17.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/oq28sz/having_a_patchwork_gender_identity/" target="_blank" class="title">Having a patchwork gender identity</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I&#x27;ve been struggling with my identity lately. Well, struggling may be an exaggeration, but bear with me. Physically, I&#x27;m female. In theory I have no problem with this, but when push comes to shove I feel like I hate being boxed into being female. It vaguely bothers me when I&#x27;m pushed to specify preferred pronouns because personally I&#x27;d rather people use whatever pronouns they think suit me best. When referring to myself I&#x27;ll waffle between &quot;woman/lady&quot; and &quot;guy/dude&quot;. I also dislike overtly &quot;pretty&quot; and &quot;feminine&quot; names, and often use a relatively gender-neutral name, though my given name is decidedly female.
+
+All these quirks I&#x27;ve noted about myself came to a head when I realized that part of the reason I have had so few romantic relationships (besides the fact that I have endometriosis that makes penetrative sex incredibly painful, which is hard to explain to a guy, and is often a deal-breaker) is the fact that I have a female body, and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable to have my femaleness sexualized. Nothing is quite as much of a buzzkill when I&#x27;m in the moment than to have a guy grab my breasts or my butt, and worse, try to talk dirty about them. I spend most of the time happily pretending they don&#x27;t exist, and I don&#x27;t want someone making a big deal about them. I&#x27;ve learned to avoid intimacy because of how uncomfortable that makes me.
+
+The strange thing is, I don&#x27;t think I have gender dysphoria. I don&#x27;t mind being female, I just wish I was a bit less female. I wish I had been sting boobs instead of knockers that make breast guys want to make out with me. I wish I had smaller hips that wouldn&#x27;t be noticed as much. I&#x27;d rather have guys notice my arms or shoulders or belly the way women notice those things about a guy.
+
+I really don&#x27;t think I&#x27;m trans. I&#x27;ve spoken to trans people, including a family member who I&#x27;ve known my whole life, and my experience is wildly different than theirs. My family member tells me stories of how when I was a small child, I used to get irate when someone thought I was a boy, which is true enough, and he says that he had the exact opposite experience where he hated being labeled based on his body. At the same time, I remember hating the idea of being a mother since I was very young, and when I playacted as various animals, I&#x27;d often imagine myself as a female with male physical traits. I&#x27;m wondering at this point if I&#x27;m some form of nonbinary, which also seems off, since in many ways I lean toward female, but in others I don&#x27;t, though I can&#x27;t say I&#x27;ve ever felt especially masculine in any regard.
+
+I&#x27;ve been noticing these quirks about my gender more and more, but I struggle to articulate them. I don&#x27;t feel queer enough to justify talking about my comparatively minor issues in queer spaces, but straight, cis people often don&#x27;t understand where I&#x27;m coming from either. I once speculated that my aversion to &quot;idealized&quot; hyperfeminine beauty was because I was very straight, but my straight friends looked at me like I had grown a second head, and started trying to convince me that the female body is a gorgeous work of art.
+
+Only other thing I can think of is that I strongly suspect I&#x27;m neurodivergent, though I have not been diagnosed (yes, you don&#x27;t have to tell me about how self-diagnosis is bad, I&#x27;m being vague here for a reason) and from what I&#x27;ve heard, atypical gender expression is known to manifest among neurodivergent people.
+
+So help me out here, Reddit. Can any of you relate to this? Do you have any idea what is causing this? As an adult it feels people expect you to fit into gender norms more than they did when I was a child, but I have no idea how to express that it makes me uncomfortable, especially when I have a history of identifying as female, and I plan on continuing to do so.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TrueOffMyChest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2017-10-05</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">17.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/74i0m6/im_finding_fans_of_the_new_star_trek_to_be_a_most/" target="_blank" class="title">I&#x27;m finding fans of the new Star Trek to be a most disagreeable bunch</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">And that&#x27;s without me going into colourful metaphors. My problems with the new Trek, whether you want to call it DIS, DSC, or STD, are many, and well motivated. But this is not about that.
+
+It&#x27;s no surprise that I&#x27;ve seen this discussion brew on Reddit, YouTube, and other places. And there have been a number of things that I&#x27;ve seen that just drive me bonkers, in regards to the pro-Discovery crowd.
+
+&gt;You have to remember that parts of or entire previous Star Trek series were total shit!
+
+What kind of an argument is this? First off, you&#x27;re not really a fan of something if you hate it. Secondly, the first seasons are nowhere near as bad as people make them out to be. It&#x27;s the result of a good product already getting better because the crew gained experience. The problems with TNG&#x27;s first seasons were, frankly, pretty goddamn unique to its situation, as explained in the documentary Chaos on the Bridge. And for all that, season two was pretty damn good. If these people think that episodes like Measure of a Man or Elementary, Dear Data were bad, they have no taste.
+
+Also, some of those movies and episodes people in the fandom like to claim are universally shit, really aren&#x27;t. You sheep.
+
+&gt;People have nostalgia goggles and are afraid of something new
+
+If a show does something new, that&#x27;s fine. If it promises to do something new in a legacy of previous material, the core concepts need to remain in some shape or form. So yes, it being *too new* is a very valid criticism of something like Discovery. If it&#x27;s so new that none of the original core concepts remain, that&#x27;s a real problem. And I believe this is the case with Discovery. So don&#x27;t tell me I can&#x27;t criticize something that&#x27;s claiming to be Star Trek for not being like Star Trek. That&#x27;s literally the *only* thing we expect of it.
+
+&gt;It&#x27;s too early to judge!
+
+Kind of related to the first point. People said this about the trailer, and they say it about the episodes. But no, it&#x27;s not. We&#x27;re not judging the entire thing. We&#x27;re judging the trailers and episodes. When we say we think the episodes are shit, that means we think those individual episodes are shit. If we think they are all shit, that means we think the entire show up until this point is shit. And if the entire show up until this point is shit, we *expect* the rest of it to be shit, too. That is not unreasonable. That is logic.
+
+&gt;Star Trek was a socially progressive show, so fans who aren&#x27;t progressive liberals and/or complain about SJW issues aren&#x27;t *real* fans
+
+See, I kind of agree. There were a lot of rabid responses to Discovery that complained about SJW issues. Some of which are kind of stupid and kneejerky. But at the same time, I can see where it&#x27;s coming from. The cast of Discovery already took a stance (or a knee, rather... wait, is that the intentional pun in that expression?) on a divisive issue. But you know what the problem with that is? It&#x27;s not in the show. The great thing about a show like Star Trek is that it can treat heavy issues from a distance, by setting them in the future or in a different society. This forces people to leave their misconceptions at the door and look at an issue with fresh eyes. For instance, when the Maquis get left out to dry by the Feds and decide to fight back, they echo any number of populations, from colonial holdouts like the Pieds Noir, to groups like the Polish Resistance. Because their core issue is having a different identity and culture than their rulers, and not having the support of people who are kind of responsible for it. So people who, in real life, identify with diametrically opposed views and groups can both look at them, and identify with them and their issues. Or agree with the view that they are terrorists. Or both at once. Compared to that, plainly taking a stance on a real life political issue seems less sophisticated.
+
+Star Trek&#x27;s message of acceptance and diversity never ended at contemporary left wing issues. This is also the show that turned cartoony space Nazis into a well-rounded culture, with their own ups and downs. And why? Because it urges you to understand even people you don&#x27;t agree with. People you consider repulsive, even. The fucking clue is in the title: All these supposed (or real) bigots liked all the previous Treks. Because those went out of their way to not be divisive and include *everyone*. Even the bigots. There&#x27;s a bunch of episodes about this sort of thing. They don&#x27;t end with the bigots being run out of town or people being policed on their opinions.
+
+Star Trek is about understanding. Strawmanning people you don&#x27;t agree with instead of trying to understand them is the opposite of that. And sure, if you *do* understand them, that&#x27;s a different story. But that&#x27;s not what I&#x27;m seeing in most of these comments. And frankly, it seems like the pre-release articles really played this angle in the hope for a rabid response. The show itself honestly isn&#x27;t very progressive, from what I&#x27;ve seen. That&#x27;s one of the big reasons it doesn&#x27;t feel like Trek.
+
+Finally, one thing held true throughout most of Star Trek: It didn&#x27;t hold your hand. It allowed viewers to form their own opinions, sometimes even despite the wishes of the creators. It was always a show that made you think, rather then telling you what to think. That&#x27;s what made it such a pop culture icon in the first place.
+
+Christ, no-one ever stopped being a bigot from being derided and talked down to.
+
+And yes, this is the longest point because it&#x27;s also the most sensitive one, so I wanted to explain why I think this argument is full of shit, rather than just saying it. I didn&#x27;t intend for this to turn out this long, but there you have it.
+
+&gt;Something something The Orville
+
+This is the post of some douchenozzle complaining about people talking about The Orville:
+
+&gt;It&#x27;s not relevant, it&#x27;s not Star Trek. I&#x27;m not interested in your opinions of NOT STAR TREK.
+
+Yeah, that&#x27;s just about exactly how I feel about Discovery. When people make posts about how much they love its milquetoast main character, or their stale speculations about the plot or technobabble. Or praising the *tiniest* things, even. I hate watching an otherwise decent sci-fi show, and constantly being jarred by Star Trek references. I hate cunts like this pulling rank on something that&#x27;s pretty much Trek in name only, and demand we treat it as the real deal because it has that name. I hate people like this complaining about criticism, and then getting ticked off when people even fucking mention what they think is an example that does it all better.
+
+Bonus points: It&#x27;s one of two Trek-related usernames I have seen that have been on Reddit for a few months, most of whom&#x27;s posts are praising Discovery. Yeah, this is why people think there are paid shills. And I certainly *hope* this person is being paid for their corporate dedication.
+
+inb4 &quot;why didn&#x27;t you post this on the Star Trek subreddit?&quot;
+
+Because this is my rant. This is not a discussion. These are my misgivings with the Discovery fans, not the show itself, and their mountains of frankly insulting arguments in favour of what I consider to be more of a weak The Expanse ripoff. I can deal with the name of something I love being attached to something I don&#x27;t feel anything for. The spirit that created Star Trek doesn&#x27;t magically die because of that. But these bastards demanding I love it because of that name and clogging all Star Trek boards everywhere with their dumb opinions, they really get me going.
+
+If you&#x27;re a Discovery fan reading this: I have no beef with you if you don&#x27;t use these arguments. But I&#x27;ve been seeing them far too much, and I needed to have this rant. I&#x27;m glad for you that you can like the show, but don&#x27;t see how you do. I&#x27;ll wait a few more episodes until I make my mind up about it, but thusfar Saru is literally the only thing I like about this entire ordeal. He feels like a classic Trek character. Well, when he isn&#x27;t praising Micheal. She ticks off all the boxes of the original Mary Sue description.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/india</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2018-04-25</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">17.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/8es42q/for_fun_private_india_the_secret_avenger/" target="_blank" class="title">(For Fun) &quot;Private India&quot; - The secret Avenger</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">**&quot;Private India&quot;:**
+
+Aside from the ones speculated at already, I hear there will be another secret Avenger showing up for Infinity War - Private India.
+
+---
+
+***Bio:***
+
+  Born **Kyakar R. Hihai**, he isn&#x27;t a high-ranked officer like Captain America,  but a basic soldier, a private, for the Indian Army.  One day while on site at a secret location in Kashmir, guarding a secret radioactive material along with his other regiment (his superiors wouldn&#x27;t tell him what it was), he discovered in the dead of night some Pakistani spies attempting to make off with it - he bravely tried to fight them off, and killed a few, but the material ended up exploding and knocked him unconscious as well as two of the Pakistani spies, who were somehow rescued by other spies and never found by the Indian soldiers.
+
+Those two Pakistanis ended up becoming some of his most notorious enemies on their own – Halal and Haram; as for him,  over the next few weeks he was specially quarantined by the Indian Army; his body began to change, he grew a bit stronger, and he could stomach his aunt&#x27;s horrid samosas which he never liked before.  The Indian army wanted to keep tabs upon him, and being obedient, he agreed.  They found that the radioactive material had infused with his DNA- giving him extraordinary resilience and special powers; this, combined with the special Ayurvedic Chywamprash that he eats daily, gives his powers a uniquely Indian flavor, almost as if from the Holy Books themselves.  Far from fearing the worst, the army realized he could be used for special purposes.  They subsequently put him to use in their militaristic and spying drills, where he succeeded greatly.  His reknown eventually became known to the Avengers, who looked to recruit him.
+
+-----
+
+***Powers:***
+
+**-Powerful neck muscles and enhanced inner-ear stability**, which allow him to bob his head sideways vigorously in the Indian affirmative fashion in order to more convincingly agree with people and his superiors.
+
+
+**-Skin-color changing ability:** The radioactive contaminant has mixed with the DNA/melanin in his skin and has given him the ability to control the hue of his skin’s ‘brownness.’  In other words, he can make himself very, very brown- nearly to the point of blackness, or an extremely whitish-wheat color.  He very much prefers the whitish color (he has modeled for many Fair Boy skin color ads by using it), although the Indian sun often burns his skin cells in that state and he is forced into a more neutral brown.  The dark-brown/black he finds useful during night-time espionage, but otherwise he detests it.
+
+**-Very flexible spine:**  Years of yoga training has made his spine very supple and easily bending.  He can twist into the most uncomfortable poses with ease, making him an ideal spy, and willingly bows down to every superior who comes before him.  He is the ideal son, the boy Mothers dream of having.  He loves to follow orders- some say his spine is so flexible it is like he is spineless.
+
+**-Dust-attracting fingers:**  Related to his super-obedience, his fingers are genetically enhanced with the ability to attract dust-  but only off the lower regions/feet, and only from people who he deems are superior to him.
+
+
+**-Indomitable Nosiness:**  Although he can stop others from being nosy with his powerful stare, he himself is hypocritically and powerfully nosy.  His charming manner and quick wit allow others to divulge even secret information they normally wouldn&#x27;t - aunties start revealing when THEY will start having grandchildren, and uncles reveal when THEY will lose weight, much to their displeasure.
+
+**-Bhai the Spy:** In this vein, he has super hearing which allows him to secretly spy on the other Avengers and keep tabs on them.  He convinces them to let him listen on their discussions, for the sake of their own well-being and to preserve the integrity of the Avengers.  It is not spying or snooping in his eyes, he is just being a concerned brother.
+
+
+**-Super potent digestive juices/bowels:**  His natural Indian digestive system, which can withstand the heat from any spice, is amped up to an extreme level.  He can eat raw chili, gunpowder, and even the occasional hot lava.  He always does a special pooja for God Agni before doing this, however.   When he eats gunpowder, he can put any subsequent thing into his mouth and then shoot it out with bullet-like velocity.
+
+**-Iron self-control:** Due to practicing brahmacharya and retaining his semen, his skin secrets a beautiful lotus fragrance, and he becomes unfailingly attractive to women.  The irony is that is he is extremely socially awkward around them and manages to screw up most of his flirtations even before he starts.  So they brand him a pervert and try to get away- only for him to charge his throat chakra with a disdained cry, “Nahi!” – which reverberates so powerfully in the air that it deafens and immobilizes them for several minutes.  Private India is forced to apologize and slinks away.
+
+
+**-Limited Flight:**  He can fly, but not quite as well or as high as Iron Man, and for not nearly as long a time.  So he has to be careful, and sometimes uses his Dhoti for parachute support.  Incidentally, whenever he flies, a distance that should take him no more than 15 minutes sometimes takes him a whole hour, due to unexpected turbulence and a curious influx of birds.  He marvels at the lack of air traffic control and complains to himself, but he accepts it ultimately.
+
+**-Supercharged chakras:** His intense pranayama and yoga training, combined with his radioactive DNA, have given him tremendous amounts of energy in his chakras.  This gives him a nearly-limitless amount of energy, which mysteriously seem to vanish when it comes to Avengers&#x27; administrative work.
+
+**-Powerful tardiness:** Shows up for meetings not just late, but SUPER late: no less than 4 hours, thank you very much.
+
+**- Enhanced Coconut-oiled hair -** which he keeps covered by which his hooded mask, has the power to immobilize any enemy by its pungent smell.  He grows specially-enhanced super coconuts just for this purpose, which do not lose their pungent properties no matter how long they are left out in the sun.
+
+**-Hyderabadi Feariyani:**  His special meal, containing a fear-inducing chemical (an idea he ‘borrowed’ from Scarecrow) which he sometimes serves his opponents (which they accept due to his Indomitable hospitality) to induce fear in them and reveal their weaknesses.
+
+----
+
+**Costume:** True to Gandhi&#x27;s ideals, he homespun his own costume - made of a reinforced bi-weave- cotton.  At the center of his chest is Mahatma Ghandi’s chakra wheel of India; his mask/cowl, fitting snug over the upper half of his face, is made up of an Orange, White, and Green line running parallel atop each other, across it. His banion (undershirt) is bulletproof - although vulnerable to the annoyed yanks of his mother.  He occasionally wears a reinforced dhoti, which, if he were to fall from a great height, can expand and act as a parachute to break his fall. Unfortunately, it is prone to rips and he gets his servant to resew it often.
+----
+**Bhooth Bhais:**  True to the socially-conscious nature of his Indian society, he can temporarily create multiple copies of himself, called Bhooth Bhais - which are weaker than his real self and only last a few minutes.
+Whenever he enters a bus or a train, any empty space is automatically filled up by his Bhooths.  Even if he is the lone passenger, within seconds his Bhooths automatically replicate and fill up and engulf the entire compartment - hanging out of windows, on the roof, etc.  This is due to P.I.&#x27;s subconscious mind which has, throughout his life, never had an experience of traveling on anything but a totally packed ride.
+
+**Special Powered Attack – Bhooth Baliye:  &#x27;The Item Number:&#x27;** In the middle of huge battle sequences, he can pause them mid-fight and breaks out into a cool song-and-dance number. The dance moves themselves act as fight moves and helps him defeat even the toughest enemies.  The intensity of the vibrations of all his selves dancing can create Bhooth-replicas of Shahrukh Khan and Kajol to join, who use their star-charisma to seduce the enemy should physical force not work, with Udit Narayan&#x27;s voice mysteriously singing in the ether.
+
+----
+
+***Interesting Facts:***
+
+- He Is his own pre-fight astrologer.  Whenever he has a particularly tough enemy, he builds a specially crafted suit- made with the vedic metals and encrusted with the jewels that will protect him from the negative energies of the stars.
+
+
+- Makes his opponent wait, as he does a special pooja before his hard fights - invoking the Gods and applying paste on his opponents&#x27; foreheads.  As his fame has increased, he has even invited Baba Ramdev and other gurus to come and bless his fights.  Huge throngs of masses eventually came to watch as he would defeat his enemies.
+
+
+- Often chews betel leaf in his fights, which stains his teeth red and intentionally fools his opponents into thinking they have seriously hurt him.  He spits the juice in their eyes, which, due to his fiery digestive system and saliva, temporarily blinds and burns them.
+
+
+- He once out yoga&#x27;d Baba Ramdev, out-shouted Arnab Goswami, out-questioned Barkha Dutt, out-scolded Jaya Bachchan, and out...ed Karan Johar.
+
+
+- Captain America loves him, for he is unfailingly obedient. Hawkeye doesn&#x27;t, because Private India hates hearing about him hitting the &#x27;Bull&#x27;s eye,&#x27; as he cannot stand to hear cows being harmed.
+
+
+- Believes that Shiva, Krishna, Ganesha, Hanuman, Ram, Durga, and Kali were the original Avengers, and that Muslim conquerers have sadly wiped this knowledge out of existence.
+
+
+- Whenever the Avengers’ interdimensional fights end up nearly destroying entire cities, and they are called upon to clean it up afterwards, Private India almost always desists, and instead thinks it is not his business and that ‘someone else can do it, na?’ He personally doesn’t mind the rubbish and thinks downed power-lines, torn-apart cars and scrap metal from burning building bring a ‘hometown flavor.’
+
+
+- He can beat anyone in a staring contest.  Can turn the tables on nosy uncles and aunties by his piercing gaze so that they instantly turn away.  Has the special ability of making female enemies feel so nervous and uncomfortable that they instantly lose the will to fight and start quaking in awkwardness.  For the finishing blow he merely walks up to them and coyishly remarks, &quot;Bhabhi, how pretty you are looking, na?&quot; - to which they faint from embarassment.
+
+
+- Whenever the Avengers Assemble, he unfortunately only arrives weeks later and with a dismissive tone, stating that he &#x27;only recently got the announcement,&#x27; and that &#x27;he did everything he could but that is bureaucracy.
+
+
+- Sometimes, whenever he is just about to defeat his enemies with a finishing blow - they bribe him, and he lets them off the hook.  This is ineffective against attackers who happen to be Muslim or who transport cows, or who are Pakistani - he shows no mercy then.
+
+
+- Somehow knows the answer to everyone&#x27;s problems, and when they try to disagree with him, he just answers that he is an Avenger and that they should know better than to question him.
+
+- Unflagging loyalty to his country.  Hates when people talk bad about it, even in jest.  Although he respects Captain America, he feels somehow slighted by him and holds him only at arms’ length.
+
+- Whenever he crosses over into the DC Universe, he Is unfailingly condescending towards Batman, who he doesn&#x27;t believe is a real superhero because he doesn&#x27;t actually have any natural superpowers, he is only a regular human who worked hard enough to get where he is at.  He decries the Justice League for their &#x27;affirmative action&#x27; in including a normal human among their ranks, and believes he must have had a special reservation to get there.
+
+
+- Believes that the &#x27;A&#x27; on Captain America&#x27;s helmet means he got an A grade on his training, so he respects him for it.  In the same vein, he scoffs at Superman for only getting an &quot;S.&quot;
+
+
+- Whenever Bruce Banner changes into the Incredible Hulk, he notes that his uncle used to do something similar, but who would then go and chase after the women in his area, whom he (interestingly) would never hear from again.
+
+
+- Is a sucker for foreign tech - After Iron Man upgraded his armor, he tried to get Stark to sell his unused tech- to no avail.  Besides, he didn&#x27;t have the money for it.  So he quietly snuck out some of Stark’s blueprints and got a friend to design a similar rip-off armor suit for him.  Unfortunately, it proved to not be reliable and he got many bullet-piercings and slipper-marks from angry aunties - though he occassionally can and does use the suit when needed. As he cannot be Iron Man, he has smartly called it &quot;Bronze Bhai.&quot;
+
+
+- Believes Scarlet Witch and Black Widow are the most supremely beautiful white goddesses that he has ever seen, and gazes at them lovingly whenever they are near.  He has created special temples for them in his home town and does a morning pooja for them every day.  On the other hand, he vehemently dislikes Gamora, who&#x27;s strange dark green skin repulses him, and he sees her as subhuman.  He wonders how she can be a Guardian of the Galaxy, when she cannot be a Guardian of Her Dignity?  He only tolerates her because her green color reminds him of the Green on the Indian flag, but otherwise he can&#x27;t stand to look at her.  He constantly asks Drax when she is going to be married off so she will be attending to her domestic duties and not bother them anymore.
+
+
+- Unfortunately, whenever he gets too close to either of the two beauties, his hand suddenly gains a power of its own and starts compulsively reaching out to touch or grab them. As the women understand he is inherently a nice guy, they are patient with him - but he has had many a finger broken by Black Widow who has to consistently remind him to stop. To which he remarks wittingly, &#x27;it&#x27;s okay- I am not a crorepathi, but a sore-pathy.&#x27;  He has asked Scarlet Witch so many times to show him her &#x27;Bobs&#x27; that she had to call her neighbors, Bob Johnson and Robert Daniels, over to Private India&#x27;s house.  At this, he was naievely convinced that she was indeed showing him her &#x27;Bobs,&#x27; and he sighed exultingly at his good fortune.
+
+- In his appeal to convince the Avengers to let him join them, he made tremendous promises, and vowed to get the Avengers back on track to be the team he knew they could always be.  He convinced them that he was the hero they always needed, but did not know it.  Many of the other heroes, including most of the Guardians of the Galaxy, took a liking to him, and the Avengers themselves were smitten with his convincing logic and strong words – they accepted him.  But after a few years of being with them, they found themselves slightly disillusions.  He was late to fights and meetings, promised to attack certain enemies but never did, talked about the Glory of India despite sometimes even fighting in the middle of outer space light years away with the Guardians of the Galaxy, and would get his “Bhooth Bhais” to sometimes forcibly silence his naysayers (like Gamora, who he treated like a lower caste and thus had a grudge against him).  So the Avengers plan to have a meeting next year to decide whether to let him stay or go – they are not sure, but he is hopeful and confident in his value and knows he will do a ‘Super Hit’ job.  The choice is uncertain, but his moment of truth is arriving soon….What do you think will happen?
+</div>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2025-07-31</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">15.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1mefojf/update_just_asked_for_my_girlfriends_phone_and/" target="_blank" class="title">UPDATE: Just asked for my girlfriend’s phone and she refused. Me 34M her 33F</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your input, negative and positive. I’ve been painfully reading through all your comments throughout yesterday and this morning.
+
+Original post:
+https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/jMjdsWZtjK
+
+She has since been continuing to beg me to stay and says she’ll do anything, block the guy and tell him he can’t see her anymore all the way to never having guy friends, which isn’t what I want and not what was explicitly bothering me. The resolution I was looking for was to just have transparency and know that she would have offered it as freely as she had in the past, which she didn’t. I just wanted to know I could rest easy and feel safe with their conversations and no longer see it as a threat.
+
+I wholeheartedly believe that nothing physical has happened, but the denial of transparency leads me to worry there may have been something, even slightly flirtatious, with him or with someone else, or even potentially confiding in him about issues regarding us. It’s really difficult to try and just guess what the real reason was, but I don’t believe it was as bad as many would believe.
+
+She insists on the AA excuse. A little backstory there: She has already told me about him being in AA and him having issues legal/personal because of addiction but has been sober now for over a year. They have never gone to AA together. She has attended the same group he is in now a handful of times in the past, but never at the same time. She’s been struggling with alcoholism for a long time and that has been another strong issue for us. She insists she wanted to protect his privacy, things he’s shared with her in confidence, and that it’s an AA thing, yet she’s already broken that rule and explained the basics, and has already offered her phone to me after the whole movie ordeal when they likely would have already had these conversations (she told me about them before the movie).
+
+So to that, I call BS. I could give shitall about what he’s going through. That matters none to me. I wouldn’t judge him on that basis and she knows that. We’ve also been together for 6 years and she’s never not shared everything about everyone with me. I can only speculate but my guess is some trauma bonding and he may have been flirting and she let that go on. Idk
+
+To the people calling my insecurities my own problem, yes I understand that, but they were born out of broken trust by her to begin with and I don’t see asking for transparency as a way to finally put that issue to bed to be a bad thing. It certainly is an invasion of privacy, but after 6 years that wall should at least have a door to knock on and that’s all I did, was knock.
+
+Between therapy and watching a lot of relationship counseling podcasts, that’s been a definitive step. Asking your partner for their devices while sharing your own and breaking down those walls to be able to rebuild trust. I followed their advice and went for it. I explained how we needed everything on the table in order to build something new. She refused.
+
+She’s also not without her own insecurities and I believe they’re primarily fueled by alcoholism and the narcissism that comes along with that. As an example, she actually went through my phone without me knowing just a year earlier and didn’t find anything to back up her insecurities. She later admitted to me that she had, and tried to twist an actual innocent conversation I had. There was nothing there. Also, a friend of mine died recently back in my hometown which is an hour and a half drive away. I tried to go up there for a couple days to see friends and family. She wouldn’t have been able to go, so she made me feel guilty about that and when I called out that use of guilt she nearly ended our relationship and I ended up not going and still haven’t been able to make the time to go grieve my friend. She had a close friend of hers pass just two days after mine and that has swallowed her up the last few weeks and I’ve just been in support mode.
+
+The bombing and begging continues, but I’m trying to take some space from her to process and think of the next steps. This isn’t something I can easily walk away from. We’ve been building a life together. I’m like a father to her kids, and we have a great family and friends dynamic that mean a great deal to me. I’m unsure if this is definitively at its end, but that’s the way I’m leaning. I just don’t know if that trust can be rebuilt now.
+
+Potentially, if we did put everything on the table, went to counseling together as I have suggested to her a few times in the recent past, and she once and for all gave up drinking, there could be something there. I firmly believe we are all capable of making mistakes and can make up for them, both parties just need to be willing.
+
+The alcohol issue, to clarify, is daily consumption. She’ll wake up with a baby wine next to the bed to start the day and will just drink all day. She’s usually more clear in the mornings/early afternoon, but as the day goes on the narcissism creeps in and she’s impossible to have serious conversations with. She had quit for about five months a little over a year ago, and that was the healthiest our relationship had ever been. The narcissism disappeared, we could actually talk to each other and she was considerate. I’m not opposed to drinking, just her reliance on it and how that affects our relationship and her relationship with the kids.
+
+We are supposed to talk tonight and figure out the next steps. I have a foot out the door and still am not decided on which way to go, but I’m leaning out.
+
+What do you guys think?
+
+Final update in the comments</div>
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+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-07-01</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">15.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1dt5dst/update_1_my_28f_best_friend_28f_kissed_my_husband/" target="_blank" class="title">Update 1: My (28F) best friend (28F) kissed my husband (27M) and it’s destroying me. How do I proceed?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">After reading a lot of the comments, I realized that it was possible that my husband was having an affair with my best friend and he knew about the camera and acted accordingly to make sure I didn’t suspect an affair. Her running out of the house crying, my husband showing me the footage before I asked, and his lovebombing would all make sense if he was cheating with my best friend. I can’t be with a cheater and I had to make sure my husband was loyal to me. On a side note, I made sure that my husband was okay and well after being forcibly kissed and he said he was fine and he didn’t “feel” assaulted and it was just a kiss. He said that he was just worried about me because he knew how much this friendship meant to me.
+
+Over the weekend, I looked through my husband’s phone and laptop while he was doing yard work. Both of us have full access to each other’s phones and I didn’t find anything out of the ordinary in my husband’s phone. I checked his messages, WhatsApp, social media and deleted messages folder. There was nothing suspicious on his phone or laptop. This morning after my husband left to go to work, I arranged for our next door neighbors, a friendly, elderly couple, to watch the girls for  a couple of hours and I went to my best friend’s place without telling her I was coming. She works afternoon shifts so I knew she would be there in the morning. She let me in and she seemed scared and I demanded to know the truth. She said that she had always been really attracted to my husband and she had tried making advances before but my husband always just shut her down. She admitted to being jealous of me and my perfect life with my husband. I should have seen the signs earlier. When our firstborn was learning to speak, my best friend would always try to get her to call her “mama”. When she held our daughter for the first time, she “accidentally” sat in my husband’s lap. She has been trying to replace me for years and I never noticed and my husband kept rejecting her advances because he only wanted me. She said that she had drank more than she should have at the barbecue and she decided to try her luck when she saw my husband was going inside alone. I forced her to show her phone as well and again, there was nothing implying an affair and all the messages appeared to line up with my husband’s phone so I knew there was nothing deleted or manipulated. She apologized profusely and asked me to not end our friendship over this. I told her that she’s nothing to me and she could have been happy for me and I treated her like a sister all these years just for her to try and steal my life.
+
+Now, I know for sure that my husband never cheated, the guilt for doubting him is eating me up. If I tell him that I snooped through his phone and laptop and met up with my ex best friend to verify that he wasn’t cheating, it’s going to impact our marriage and he’ll be very disappointed in me for not trusting him and if anything, he will lose his trust in me. If I don’t tell him, the guilt is going to continue eating me up. I’ve never lied or kept secrets from him before and I don’t want to start now but this is an impossible choice. He’s only ever shown me how much he loves and cherishes me and he doesn’t deserve to be betrayed like this.
+
+I will update more when I tell him the truth.
+
+Update: I told my husband everything, that I looked through his phone and laptop and that I confronted ex best friend. I showed him both Reddit posts and told him that even the few comments that speculated that he was having an affair made me paranoid and I acted on it. I apologized to him for doubting him and thanked him for always being an amazing husband and always turning down her advances and for spoiling me, especially when I was down. He said that he understands and he said he should have told me earlier about her trying her luck earlier.
+
+I’m also starting therapy next week to figure out my paranoia and trust issues, process the end of my friendship, and in general try to get into a better mental space so I can be better as an individual, wife, and mother.
+
+Edit 2: That post pretending to be my husband is not my husband. </div>
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+
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+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2018-10-02</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">15.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9kpysk/final_update_my_24f_best_friend_24f_says_i_owe/" target="_blank" class="title">FINAL UPDATE - My (24F) best friend (24F) says I owe her everything I have, including my boyfriend</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Previous post
+[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/9j5ig0/update\_my\_24f\_best\_friend\_24f\_says\_i\_owe\_her/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9j5ig0/update_my_24f_best_friend_24f_says_i_owe_her/)
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+I said I&#x27;d come back if anything relevant happened!
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+EX-BF kept trying to get in touch through common friends. They kept asking me to unblock him and at least hear him out, cause he was really sorry, he loved me, he was a mess, he didn&#x27;t mean to, someone even went as far as to ask me if I was really sure it happened. They offered to send me prints of texts where he was talking about me, so I&#x27;d see how he always had great things to say and how much he cared. But I&#x27;ve had it with the print screen drama for life, and said no. To the ones who insisted I told them I wasn&#x27;t unblocking him, had nothing to say or hear, and if they kept pushing me, I&#x27;d block them too.
+
+I ran into EX BF at this book thing I go to often (hobby of mine). Maybe I&#x27;m being presumptuous, but I think he went there for me. He didn&#x27;t really have any business there, but I&#x27;m just speculating really. He asked if I had a few minutes for coffee, I said I was late (lie). He walked me to my car. He looked so good, smelled great. He was so sweet. Was even wearing his hair the way I like it. I fell horrible cause even after everything, I still like him. He apologized some more, said he knew I needed time and space but asked if I&#x27;d consider giving him another chance cause he would wait for me. Said he would never talk to Jessie again, and would act like they had restraining orders against each other. And I just found it really funny how everything he was saying required me trusting him. Which I don&#x27;t. So I told him I wasn&#x27;t interested anymore and he should move on. I wish I said something snappier or wittier. But I had nothing.
+
+This was saturday, I haven&#x27;t heard from him or friends since. I think that was that.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Jessie also kept trying to talk to me. Like I told some of you on comments, I had a trip coming up, it would have been me, Jessie, EX BF, and a few friends. Since Jessie couldn&#x27;t afford it, my parents payed for most of her expenses. She must have remembered this right after everything went down and panicked cause I had everything (vouchers, confirmations emails, credit card info...). She went CRAZY. Even showed up at my place (I wasn&#x27;t home and my roommate told her to fuck off, exact words). I didn&#x27;t block her at first cause I admit I was having some fun watching her despair.
+
+I talked to my mom and she was amazing. Told me I should cancel everything even if it costed us money, it was fine. So I did. And for one last bit of print screen drama: I printed all the emails I got confirming cancellations and sent those to Jessie with the word &quot;bye&quot; before blocking her.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+My roommate has been amazing. We were never really close and now I don&#x27;t even know why. She cancelled plans with her friends to stay with me and invited me to go out with them next weekend.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+A few of you suggested I see a therapist and I did, yesterday. I really liked it. It was just one appointment and I mostly just talked, but it felt good. She gave me &quot;homework&quot;: she talked a little about unhealthy and abusive relationships and asked me to think about my friendship with Jessie and try to point what was healthy and what was unhealthy about it. Made me realize she was never really my friend. She was taking advantage of me for years and she even had me thanking her for it. Therapist also told me about this saying (I think that&#x27;s what it is) called &quot;The Narcissist&#x27;s Prayer&quot;, which goes something like &quot;That didn&#x27;t happen. If it did, it wasn&#x27;t my fault. If it was, I didn&#x27;t mean it. And if I did, then you deserved it&quot;, which is totally how Jessie is handling this whole thing now.
+
+So good riddance indeed
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+And a final piece of gossip. &quot;Pete&quot; talked to me yesterday (he is checking up sometimes, he&#x27;s a good guy. Again, he is gay, in case someone is still thinking this might turn into a romantic comedy) he said Jessie was super sure that since I broke things off, she and Dean would hook up right away. But apparently he doesn&#x27;t have the same plans and that freaked her out over the weekend. Pete says he really is a mess and went out drinking hard 4 nights in a row to the point he had to be carried home by his pals. And yesterday, they all went out for lunch at this burger place, Jessie was going to run her fingers through his hair or something and he just pushed her away and told her to stop and to never touch him again. (Great that **now** he manages to do that, huh?)
+
+I guess in the end he really did like me in his sick way. The thing is, I don&#x27;t want to be with someone who likes me in a sick way. I want to be with someone who likes me in a healthy way. I thin I deserve that.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+I am also thinking about taking the money I got back from the trip to go somewhere else by myself. Haven&#x27;t decided though.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Anyway, this will be the final update on this, since it is unlikely that I will have anything new to add
+
+Now, I think I just need time to heal and let go, you know?
+
+I might come back in a few months if there is reason to do a &quot;yay life is awesome now&quot; post, but I wanted to post this update now cause I wanted to end this whole story on a bright note. And, of course, thank you all again!! You are the best!!
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+ tldr It&#x27;s all good. As well as could be, anyway! Thank&#x27;s Reddit!</div>
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+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2020-04-18</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">15.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/g3lawr/we_havent_been_able_to_contact_a_friend_in_our/" target="_blank" class="title">We haven’t been able to contact a friend in our friend group for over a week. He lives alone and we’re in a lockdown. Should we be worried?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Update: Hi everyone, I&#x27;m overwhelmed by the interest and responses to this post (even if at least half of the responses were RemindMe bot requests).
+
+I messaged a mutual friend of ours (one that&#x27;s not in our friend group) yesterday and she replied saying that she&#x27;d send him a text message. I got a message from her again today letting me know that they&#x27;ve had a chat and he&#x27;s okay and that she&#x27;s thankful that I&#x27;m looking out for him.
+
+I&#x27;m really glad he&#x27;s okay, but a little bit confused and a little bit sad I guess, as to why he very suddenly went zero contact and distanced himself from our friend group. I&#x27;m wondering if maybe he just wants some space for a bit. I don&#x27;t really want to do a lot of speculation otherwise.
+
+I let the others in our friend group know that he&#x27;s okay.
+
+I sent him another text message letting him know that I&#x27;m glad he&#x27;s okay, and that I&#x27;m here whenever he wants to reach out, but that it&#x27;s also okay if he doesn&#x27;t want to.
+
+I&#x27;ll be happy if he responds but, now that we know he&#x27;s okay, I will give him space until he feels ready.
+
+---
+
+Hi reddit. We have a friend, male in his early-mid 30s who has been an active member in our friend group (8 of us altogether) for some time. Before the lockdown, we’d all see each other once a week or fortnight and we would also all regularly chat in our Facebook group chat.
+
+During the pandemic, he lost his job but he told us that he ended up getting work with a previous employer so as far as we know, he’s still under employment, we just don’t know where. We assume he would be working from home as a software developer.
+
+We noticed that lately he hadn’t been posting in our group chat, and the last time messenger says he “saw” our messages was on April 9th. We also have a Facebook group that he’s active in that we’re all members of, and the last time we could see a comment from him was also on the 9th.
+
+One of us messaged him privately a few days ago and he hadn’t replied. She called him as well but the phone will ring until it reaches voicemail. Another of us rang him yesterday and got the same result. I also tried ringing him today with the same result. Sent him a text message with no reply. I can’t tell if he’s seen it.
+
+It’s hard to go to his place right now because 1) we have a semi-lockdown in our city and 2) he lives in an apartment, we know the address but not which unit number he’s in.
+
+We’re not sure what to do. He could be just busy with work and avoiding social media, or maybe he’s ghosting us for some reason that we don’t know of (he hasn’t blocked us or anything we can still see his profile).
+
+Is this worth contacting police over? We’re all starting to get a bit worried but we don’t want to unintentionally escalate it if it’s nothing.</div>
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+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2025-10-26</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">15.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1ogdhep/bf_left_after_seeing_exs_engagement_post/" target="_blank" class="title">Bf left after seeing ex&#x27;s engagement post</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Okay so, I (25F) have been dating my boyfriend (30M) for a little over two years now. We just moved in together a few months ago. Last night we were doomscrolling on insta reels and his ex&#x27;s post popped up abt her getting engaged
+
+I don&#x27;t rly know much about their relationship in detail other than her cheating on my bf with her current fiance while she was engaged to my bf (they were together for 5 yrs and it&#x27;s been 3.5 yrs since they broke up), so ik that it didn&#x27;t end well with them and it&#x27;s just a sour topic so i never rly bring it up. I don’t follow her but she&#x27;s kind of famous on insta as she is a food vlogger and I watch a lot of that content that&#x27;s y she popped up.
+
+Anyways when he saw it he like froze and became tense i asked him if everything was ok and he said yeah but i asked if that he looked tense because of the post he just brushed it off and rolled over to go to sleep and then thing is we didn&#x27;t even rly cuddle when we cuddle like almost every night when going to sleep.
+
+I woke up around 2 a.m. and he was gone. Like, completely gone.  he was nowhere in our house. I called him, like, 10 ,15 times. No answer ,Phone was switched off. I even called one of his friends, and they had no clue where he was. I was thinking of calling his mom but ik she would have blown his phone up so i decided to wait and call my frnd she also suggested to wait a few hours so i did
+
+Then around 3:30 ish  he finally calls me back,i ask him wtf is he doing And he just says I&#x27;m fine pls don&#x27;t call me rn ill explain later and he hangs up b4 i could say anything properly
+
+I tried calling again obviously bcoz what does that even mean like I don&#x27;t get why he would even be upset about that post seeing they broke up so long ago I can&#x27;t imagine leaving your gf over this at night. He didn&#x27;t explicitly say anything abt the reason he went off but I&#x27;m pretty sure it&#x27;s bcoz of the post. I stopped calling him after a few times as hes not going to pick up i rly don&#x27;t know what to do.
+
+Things have been good with us until now this is the first time i have ever felt like I&#x27;m being betrayed by him. I don&#x27;t even know where he is . Should I leave him alone and give him space I just feel sick abt this situation.
+
+Tldr- bf left in middle of night after finding his ex got engaged and is not responding to me
+
+Update-
+https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/BBZhLPoYPW
+
+Posting again bcoz previous update post got removed for some reason.
+
+
+Hey guys,
+First of all, thank you to everyone who commented , I didn’t expect so many people to respond, and honestly, reading through your messages kept me from spiraling even more.
+
+I tried to go back to sleep after the post. He did come back around 6 am .he looked like shit cuz ig he hadn&#x27;t slept. He had just been driving around according to him. I didn&#x27;t even know what to say to him luckily he was the one who talked first. He apologized a lot of times for running away and for ignoring my calls. I obv asked him wtf happened and why he would ditch me like that and abt his ex. He told me he had a panic attack and he didn&#x27;t want me to witness it so he went to his car and after that he drove off . He explained that it wasn&#x27;t bcoz he wasn&#x27;t over her and that he never wanted her back(i asked him if he was still in love w her). He said it just happened after seeing that pic of them together and happy, he said he depressed after everything went down w his ex but he thought he was fine when he started dating me and that he has been rly happy.
+
+But he panicked bcoz it hit him that she was actually happy and their break up hasn&#x27;t affected her like it has him seeing she was with the guy she cheated on my bf with and he started overthinking that what if he could never be happy like that when  getting engaged again and getting married to me.
+
+I was honestly a bit shocked at first bcoz we had talked abt how he would love to marry me someday and I didn&#x27;t rly understand how to comprehend this info but we talked for like 2 hours and he was genuinely sry and he doesn&#x27;t seem like he&#x27;s not over her.
+
+He did say he wants to find that kind of happiness with me and he wants that future with me and he apologized again for being an asshole. I made it clear to him if he ever runs off like that we r done and he agreed and honestly we were both kind of crying by the end of our Convo and i also blocked his ex on my insta (he already had her blocked b4 anyone speculates)
+
+I think i could forgive him. Thank you again for all your help the comments helped a lot. We might try therapy.
+
+Tldr- he came back and we talked abt how he had a panick attack thinking if could be as happy as her and we resolved it out.
+
+
+
+</div>
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+
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+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2015-07-07</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">15.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3cd6d2/update_me_22f_with_my_boyfriend_24m_and_his/" target="_blank" class="title">[UPDATE] Me [22F] with my boyfriend [24M] and his personal boundaries with his &quot;work girlfriend&quot; [21F]</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">you can read my previous post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3aor6c/me_22f_with_my_boyfriend_24m_and_his_personal/
+
+tdlr of first post: Boyfriend has been hanging out with girl from work, downloaded snapchat for her and didn&#x27;t for me when I asked, and is going to ditch my family&#x27;s party to pick her up from the airport, says he&#x27;s just being nice.
+
+First off, I want to say thank you to everyone who read and commented on the post. I read all of them even if I didn&#x27;t reply. I&#x27;ve been really busy since I posted that so I didn&#x27;t have time to update but some of you guys PM&#x27;d me for an update.
+
+I sat down with my boyfriend the morning after I posted that and asked him about his relationship with his coworker and how I felt like he wasn&#x27;t being friendly with her but overly flirtatious and that it was weird and suspicious and that I saw his texts about him picking her up and it DID NOT sit well with me at all especially since he never planned on telling me and that he was going to leave my family&#x27;s event early.
+
+He looked annoyed but eventually admitted to me that he developed a crush on her because she was the opposite of me and was fun and easy to talk to and I wasn&#x27;t. Also that she put effort into her appearance and I didn&#x27;t. I admit that I got really upset after this and refused to talk to him so I left and went to my best friend&#x27;s house after that for the night. He didn&#x27;t even text or call.
+
+My best friend and her boyfriend were freaking amazing, they ordered some wings, told me that they never really liked him because he always seemed lukewarm to me like I was just a friend, and watched some hulu with me.
+
+I remember when I was younger, my mom had gotten out of a really bad relationship and told me to never settle for someone who didn&#x27;t look at me like I put the stars in the sky. Seeing how awesome and amazing my best friend&#x27;s boyfriend was to me (even when he could have easily left) and how they were to each other just made me realize I was better off single than to be with someone who would rather put more effort into a crush than into a year and a half live-in relationship.
+
+In the morning, I went back and he was sitting on the couch. He asked if I was feeling better (????) and if I still needed more space (?????). I told him that I wanted to break up and that I would be moving out soon. I said that I would pay for my half of next month&#x27;s rent. He didn&#x27;t even look FAZED. He just nodded and got up to leave.
+I was trying my absolute hardest to be stoic about it but it kind of failed after I saw how nonchalant he was.
+
+I don&#x27;t know if he went to pick her up or not but I went to my family&#x27;s event and tried to have a good time even with all of the questions about where he was.
+
+I&#x27;ve been packing and moving back in with my parents during the times I know he&#x27;s at work. We haven&#x27;t even talked since besides to talk about financial stuff and housing situations. I&#x27;ve been fighting the urge to really cuss him out and just to ask WHY he seems SO neutral about this when I&#x27;ve really been a huge wreck but I&#x27;ve always been a firm believer in living well is the best revenge.
+
+I&#x27;ve been trying to keep busy to keep my mind off of it but it sucks a lot sometimes, especially at night.
+
+Sorry if this dragged on, it just felt good to write it all out.
+
+TLDR; He admitted he had a crush on her, compared me to her, I woke up and smelt the flowers and dumped him and in the process of moving out.
+</div>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/self</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2025-04-10</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">15.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1jw6mzq/my_brother_didnt_get_me_food_when_i_was_sick/" target="_blank" class="title">My brother didn’t get me food when I was sick. Today, I didn’t forget.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Me and my brother have a great relationship.
+For some god awful reason he occasionally makes decisions that he wouldn’t normally do and his behavior does a 180z
+
+I was sick one day and felt super shitty. I couldn’t find anything to eat that would fill me up properly. It was terrible trying to scrounge up enough to eat before needing to rest.
+
+I remembered my brother was available to get me food and something from the pharmacy. No brainer.
+He seemed very bothered and irritated when I asked, even knowing I was sick. He all but told me to fuck off. I couldn’t believe that this shit still happens. The person that never hesitated to pay full meals for me on a daily basis. Why the 180 treatment now?
+
+I told him when he’s sick I’m gonna throw the exact same shit back at him. The anger whipped out the “save” option and burned it into my soul to bring up later.
+
+Since then he’d been his great caring self. Lent money to him, which he’s payed back, listened to him through his breakup. Worked together well to solve my issues. Today he was sick and asked me to get him food while making it obvious he’s forgotten about what he did to me.
+
+I calmly told him if he remembered what I told him last time. Nope?
+I slowwwly and condescendingly told him that I definitely had not forgotten. That I needed him and he cruelly refused to be there for me while having a rude ass attitude.
+
+“Oh” and he leaves. He’s currently on an empty stomach and he can fuck off for today. Being sick that day really sucked.
+
+Edit: This surprisingly got more attention.
+People are really black and white critical here.
+You’ll come to lose people and in some cases even witness friends losing siblings. Ones that only wished they’d remained in contact but chose not to speak to each other. Others wake up crying because they had dreams of their sibling but couldn’t recall how it felt to touch them. You get your only sibling/s and that’s it for the rest of time and space.
+
+Defining your sibling relationships over something this like this is the dumbest waste of time and energy you can do.</div>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/self</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-05-16</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">15.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1ctf9nu/how_do_people_just_move_on_so_fast/" target="_blank" class="title">How do people just move on so fast?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I had a bf. Who ghosted me about three weeks ago and now has a brand new gf. and i found out through the update of his whatsapp profile pic. How the fuck can someone lack so much empathy? and how the fuck do u move on so fast from a three year relationship mind you. i just don’t understand.
+
+EDIT: It seems like some of you want a little context, we were together for three years in what became an LDR. I always visited him and it felt amazing when we were together. He couldn&#x27;t visit me bc he didn&#x27;t have a VISA. He had broken up with me before but he would always break no contact, apologize, and we would get back together. Hes very loving everytime we owould be back and would call everyday and so would I. There was always an i love you and there was always a good morning and a good night. I truly love and care for him, and to me he seemed perfect. Just before the ghosting he talked about living together and getting a little more serious.
+
+I know there is speculation about both sides, but truly i really don&#x27;t know what happened. He said he was busy with Uni (which I understand and gave him space) and then asked if we could talk and then he disappeared.
+
+His ghosting was really shocking to me considering that in two months, I will be moving back to the same city. To me it seems like it was indecisiveness, or maybe even (like some of you have said) he was cheating. He has cheated before (story is, is that it was just a kiss) but it was two years ago. Either way, thank you for the kind words and it will be a hard few months ahead but hopefully i&#x27;ll be ok.
+
+And I hope that he treats the new girl well and better than what I got.
+
+EDIT 2: Hey guys, thank you to those who offered advice and empathy. English is not my first language and I guess my wording was a bit strange and has been fixed. I am still hurting and I will be moving on even though my heart doesn’t desire to. I think some comments were harsh bjt also definitely what i needed to hear. Maybe he moved on or maybe you were a safety net, yeah that hurt. Im the type of person that is very sincere and genuine with the things that I do and when i feel that something isn’t working, i am the type to talk about it. When people stay quiet, i know something is wrong and I ask but i don’t press for an answer. I am in therapy, and was told that sometimes silence is an answer. Anyways, I would love to reply to everyone, but thats a little much. I’ve read all the comments little by little, and I do feel better. Angry, but better. Again thank you and bless you all. Even the negative comments.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TrueOffMyChest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2017-04-01</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">12.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/62r1we/i_got_banned_from_rlatestagecapitalism_because_i/" target="_blank" class="title">I got banned from /r/latestagecapitalism because I said feminism is toxic to males UNDER FUCKING CAPITALISM.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">So I&#x27;ve got this favorite subreddit called /r/latestagecapitalism. It&#x27;s got a lot of Marxist views about why capitalism is bad, and it&#x27;s very much the truth. The other day, I got banned for this comment:
+
+&gt;&gt;By supporting capitalism? Social democracy is an enemy of communism.
+
+&gt;Yeah, I don&#x27;t think I care to settle for the commodification of life anymore. The entire nonsensical battle of the sexes has a lot to do with masculinity being tied to our productive value. That means as &quot;feminism&quot; empowers women, men are actually having their livelihood destroyed in ways that increase mental illness and suicide, or so I would speculate. I don&#x27;t care to perpetuate these institutions**[meaning social democracy]**, particularly knowing how difficult it would be to gain any ground against capitalism right now.
+
+I messaged the mods when the sub had been commandeered by some fascist, and had quite a long and sincere message to share:
+
+&gt;I had a feeling I&#x27;d get banned over this. Considering this is my favorite sub, am I at least allowed to defend myself?
+
+&gt;I specifically support communism and sexual liberation to end the objectification of men over their labor commodity as well as to end the objectification of women over their sexual commodity.
+
+&gt;If someone took issue with my &quot;feminism&quot; quotation marks, I was referring to it in the diverse ideological sense that&#x27;s being twisted into positives and negatives, much like the term &quot;liberal.&quot;
+
+&gt;I think *a great deal* about the psychosexual dynamic between males and females specifically because I consider myself a pure humanist and seek to completely removed myself from irrational bias.
+
+&gt;In the case of men and women, males are *inherently* the aggressors, and they&#x27;re seen through the evolutionary lens that highlights them as predators. Men don&#x27;t receive a natural compassionate tone, as tends to be the case for women, who are naturally protected.
+
+&gt;Because I&#x27;m a humanist, there is no right or wrong, only what exists. If males are inherently aggressive, it&#x27;s an aggression that got us to where we are today. Since I believe there&#x27;s a *concrete* sexual imbalance between males and females, &quot;feminism&quot; can often be fatally emasculating.
+
+&gt;In particular, with regard to society in its modern state. If feminism &quot;succeeds&quot; under capitalism and fully empowers women in every way that traditionally gets argued, men will be incredibly disadvantaged due to their natural empowerment by capitalist survival by assertiveness, manipulation, etc.
+
+&gt;As I&#x27;ve theorized and plan on putting into full writing before long, to be specific, feminism is the polar opposite of libertarianism/capitalism according to the psychosexual dynamic. I despise libertarianism and fully support empowering women, but this is logically because females are in the innate position as the weak defender, whereas males are the overt attackers.
+
+&gt;As a humanist, I *must* despise the attacker, but can I truly despise the attacker if that level of assertiveness is the greatest asset of one half of humanity?
+
+&gt;While capitalism allows men this arena to compete and self-actualize, at least *well before* the &quot;late stage,&quot; feminism empowers women *on top of* their status as the protected, albeit quite often *repressed* sex. Because of the imbalanced powers between the two, feminism under capitalism automatically leads women to skew the dynamic.
+
+&gt;Consider women making less money per dollar. Whether true or &quot;fake news&quot; or whatever anyone will or won&#x27;t say of it, it makes logical sense, to me, that it would arise due to the psychosexual dynamic. This is harmful and seemingly illogical, but the logic exists, as men assert themselves and strive more directly for that capitalistic end. Men seek the female sexual commodity, and women often accept those efforts. Men, therefore, strive to prove themselves economically. Of course, this entire scenario is based on the female sexual commodity, just as much as it&#x27;s based on the patriarchal capitalist system.
+
+&gt;Under capitalism, for feminism to be logical, in my view, it would require &quot;empowering&quot; women to capitalize on their sexual commodity through prostitution. At the same time, men would be allowed to achieve a late-stage-capitalism-tier wage and still occasionally indulge in the female sexual commodity. At the very least, this would allow males to avoid mass shootings or suicide when they realize they aren&#x27;t nearly productive enough to attract a mate. Otherwise, feminism seems to lack the balance of empowering jobless men into dating these labor-empowered women.
+
+&gt;Point being, fuck capitalism. The fact that capitalism is making feminism into a bad thing, by my logic, is only a clearer insight into the depravity of commodifying human beings. End the unfair empowerment of men under capitalism, and end the female sexual commodity by ending the thought that a female is in any way lessened in her value due to sexuality.
+
+Response from the fascist, who I think may have somehow deleted the response was:
+
+&gt;lmao did you seriously think we were going to read all that
+
+&gt;You have been temporarily muted from r/LateStageCapitalism. You will not be able to message the moderators of r/LateStageCapitalism for 72 hours.
+
+So after that wait period, I ask if I can be unbanned, not realizing my long response may have somehow been deleted from the mod mail or whatever. I say:
+
+&gt;So... Considering my recent ban from this favorite sub of mine was from when it had been commandeered, I was wondering if I could be unbanned. Hm?
+
+And get the response:
+
+&gt;&quot;Yeah, I don&#x27;t think I care to settle for the commodification of life anymore. The entire nonsensical battle of the sexes has a lot to do with masculinity being tied to our productive value. That means as &quot;feminism&quot; empowers women, men are actually having their livelihood destroyed in ways that increase mental illness and suicide, or so I would speculate. I don&#x27;t care to perpetuate these institutions, particularly knowing how difficult it would be to gain any ground against capitalism right now.&quot;
+
+&gt;no. you may not be unbanned. feminism benefits both men and women.
+
+&gt;You have been temporarily muted from r/LateStageCapitalism. You will not be able to message the moderators of r/LateStageCapitalism for 72 hours.
+
+Whelp, that&#x27;s fucking it, folks. It turns out the imbalanced psycho-sexual dynamic with regard to a complex and imbalanced socio-economic system is a simple black and white equation. Who would have thought?
+
+Fuck fascism disguised as positive sexism. /r/TechnoComRenaissance. I&#x27;ve got my own sub now. Where we won&#x27;t need blackjack or hookers with all the robotic, bisexual, space communist, amoral, passionate sex we&#x27;ll be having.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2025-08-28</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
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+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1n2k91v/my_31f_husband_45m_is_upset_that_my_coworker/" target="_blank" class="title">My (31F) husband (45M) is upset that my coworker invited me for birthday drinks</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I (31, about to be 32F) have been married to Carl (45M) since 2018. We are British and American respectfully, and we&#x27;ve each had a turn being in each other&#x27;s countries. I lived in the US for about three years while we unsuccessfully pursued a marriage visa, and in the last few years, Carl has been staying in the UK six months on and six months off.
+
+For various reasons he hasn&#x27;t been over here for my birthday the last few times. This year he is. We haven&#x27;t really discussed plans for Saturday itself. I got us a cheesecake to share and I plan to spend the day with him as well as seeing my family from out of town. We&#x27;ve been having slight marital issues but can&#x27;t afford a counsellor rn, and just trying to make it work. (including this in case it&#x27;s relevant.)
+
+Also in the last two years I&#x27;ve held a customer-service job close to home. (C cannot work atm due to visa restrictions and health issues). I used to have a coworker called Adrian (39M). Although I&#x27;m friendly with all my colleagues, Adrian and I got on really well. He was easy to work with and understanding when I&#x27;d get emotional or overwhelmed for pre-existing mental health reasons. We have a shared sense of humour and he&#x27;s never been creepy with me or indicated any romantic interest. He was also married with two kids.
+
+In December last year, his wife asked for a divorce, and I lost my grandfather. It actually happened on the same day, and we did our best to listen and support each other. I admit it&#x27;s hard for me to find friends or connect to people outside of work, so I was glad we could show up mutually as friends. Adrian also started seeing another woman, Sally, who has her own kids, and AFAIK they&#x27;re still dating. When Carl went into hospital for gallstones, Adrian offered more support and even bought us some of Carl&#x27;s favourite sodas.
+
+I&#x27;d say Carl is insecure about this friendship. He says I bring up Carl more than any other coworkers (which I&#x27;m not sure is true? He also used to say I talked about work in general too much so I try not to). And he thinks the soda gift might have been a ploy to make himself appear more “nice” and attractive to me. I told Adrian about this and he said he&#x27;d stop.
+
+A month ago Adrian left to pursue another job. It hasn&#x27;t really been the same without him but I&#x27;ve kept in touch, sending memes etc and doing life updates. On one occasion, I bumped into him in town, as it turns out he lives near the hair salon I go to. He gave me a quick car ride to another store; I told Carl and he seemed OK with that.
+
+Now I&#x27;m going to turn 32 on Saturday, and Adrian invited me to go for a drink, on the afternoon before my birthday. I&#x27;d like to, and I know his soon-to-be ex and I share a birthday, so she&#x27;ll almost certainly be having the kids. I told Carl about this, speculating that maybe Adrian could do with some distraction at a time like this. This might be where I fucked up, because Carl did not like this information.
+
+He went away, clearly uncomfortable, so I followed him downstairs to discuss further. This turned into an argument where he said I&#x27;m not considering how weird this whole thing is. He says if Adrian needs distraction, why doesn&#x27;t he spend time with Sally? Why not invite her, or even Carl? And if I want to see Adrian more, doesn&#x27;t the run-in the other day count?
+
+I&#x27;ve been trying to reassure Carl that Adrian is just a friend, but he says I&#x27;m not considering his point of view or how it makes him feel, and that I&#x27;m making excuses. He doesn&#x27;t know what I can do to make it better and that I should have given him space the first time he walked off this afternoon. I know he&#x27;s suspicious of Adrian, and insecure about *us* as we haven&#x27;t been intimate in a long time for health reasons. Carl&#x27;s also hurt that he&#x27;s here for my birthday for the first time in two years, and I&#x27;d rather run off to drink with an old coworker. I reminded him it was the day before, and he called that another deflection.
+
+He&#x27;s suggested I post this in my own words so that Reddit can judge, and tell me something I might be missing. I offered not to go meet Adrian at all but he&#x27;s dismissed that idea too. Really feeling conflicted. Yes, Adrian and I are the opposite sex but I don&#x27;t really have other friends locally that I&#x27;d go for drinks with. We&#x27;re both being pretty defensive and could do with an outside opinion.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2025-06-03</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
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+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1l20gvj/update_i_28f_freaked_out_about_my_bfs_30m/" target="_blank" class="title">Update: I (28F) freaked out about my bf’s (30m) fetish/request and broke up with him. He wants to explain even if we don’t get back together. Is there any good explanations for what he wanted?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/niZuP1pfOP
+
+I can’t get back into my old throwaway after logging out due to being overwhelmed.
+
+Anyway here are some things i saw over and over so I wanted to address them.
+
+1. I do not believe he was grooming me or had been “plotting”.
+
+If he was grooming me he would be really bad at it because he went from just beyond vanilla to extreme in 5 seconds, as opposed to gradually escalating. This is just speculation, but that’s my takeaway. Maybe he thought this is all it would take, or all it took in the past, but obviously it did not work this time.
+
+I didn’t think he had been “plotting” with his friends. What I wanted to know was whether there was something unspoken in any of the interactions I had with him and his friends in that they knew something I didn’t.  I wasn’t thinking they were trying to trick me or anything, I’m just wildly uncomfortable with the idea that this could have been something they had previously discussed or engaged in and I was sitting there oblivious. I don’t need to know everyone’s secrets but if it’s about me, my boyfriend should tell me what’s going on.
+
+With both those things said, people commented and messaged these things happening to them, pestering, poking, begging, and they ended up in situations where they were taken advantage of horribly. I literally cried reading some of them and while I don’t know that this is what would’ve happened, and I don’t think it would have been, if any girl is going though this do not do anything you won’t be okay with 5 years from now when he could be a memory and not a presence in your life. Also, don’t protect your partner’s secrets over your own safety, tell someone you trust so they can keep an eye on you if you do get into something like this.
+
+2 I am not kink shaming. I do not care what your kinks are. I do not judge. I will not participate in things I am against but I understand that each person will approach sex differently.
+
+I did not kink shame him either. I shamed him personally, but not the kink. Someone will take issue with me admitting to shaming him. I am okay with that.
+
+What he asked was inappropriate for us and me, based on what I have told and shown him about myself.
+
+I spent a long time trying to come up with a metaphor and this was the best I could do:
+
+Imagine you’re a vegan animal rights activist and animals are your passion. Your partner may not feel the way you do but so far they’ve respected and supported it, being cognizant of the way consuming animal products might make you feel and not just making space for you to do activities that make a difference for animals but celebrating you doing that. You’ve never felt someone really got you until now, or had only made patronizing efforts to get in your pants. Now you feel you have a partner that’s proud of you and loves that you feel so strongly about things.
+
+Then one day he suggests a romantic weekend trip and you’re excited to hear what he has to say, and he tells you he wants you both to go hunting.
+
+Is hunting wrong in a vacuum? No. Is hunting the right idea for someone who so passionately cares about animals? Fuck no. Should their partner who has shown their support and understanding up until that point suggest something that fundamentally violates the things she holds most dear or should he punch himself in the leg until the thought goes away? The latter.
+
+The fact he would suggest something that so clearly goes against what matters to her most feels like he either a. Hasn’t been paying attention or b. Never actually cared. Or c. He’s a fucking idiot.
+
+There is no good answer, and no matter what it makes me feel stupid for not having seen this coming/trusting him.
+
+Also, while I agree we should not kink shame, we should not be so defensive about it that we don’t understand that we have a duty to our partners to not put them in a situation where they would feel like they were being asked to give up an important part of themselves for our sexual satisfaction. If you had a partner who was deeply religious you’d know not to ask them to use a crucifix as a dildo without having to hear them say it.
+
+3 why would I be okay with him suggesting a stranger, even if I would still say no, compared to his friends?
+
+Because in the hypothetical even though we would treat the stranger with dignity and respect, being aware of their boundaries and trying to make sure they also had a good time, whether it’s cucking or a threesome, it would never “be about” the stranger. It would be about us. The stranger is just a way for us to further explore our relationship. Again, I’d never do any of that, but that’s how I think about it. I also understand the risks of strangers and that it could still blow up the relationship, but since I’ll never do this it exists only as the hypothetical.
+
+By making it his friend, I don’t know if it’s about the two of us or it’s about the two of them. I don’t feel good about that. Either way, it’s definitely not just about us and my exposure and the emotional and social consequences would destroy me.
+
+I feel very vulnerable when I show all of me to someone and have a physical relationship, and that’s only for that one person, not their friends.
+
+I don’t want them high fiving about me being good or hot. I don’t want to be paranoid about them talking about me being bad or discussing an area of my body I don’t feel the most proud of. I don’t want them to talk about the freckle under my left nipple, I don’t want them to share notes about the way my face looks when I’m experiencing pleasure, I don’t want them to exchange a knowing glance and wonder if it’s about me. I don’t want them critiquing my technique, or my boyfriend to make suggestions based on what he saw when I was with someone else. Typing this out makes me physically uncomfortable but I feel like people really didn’t get it.
+
+I’m not a full prude but I guess I’m more prudish than I thought compared to everyone else, and I’m okay with that. I wanted to say I’m not comfortable being a spectacle, but that’s not exactly true, I used to pose for him while he did his thing but he made me feel so beautiful and sexy that it didn’t feel like I was a source of amusement. it was a shared experience where we each made each other feel the way we wanted to feel. I can’t do that for him or anyone else with someone else in the room especially not with that someone else inside me because it completely changes the way I feel about intimate relationships.
+
+Sex is really special to me, it doesn’t have to be to you, but it is to me and I don’t want to change that. I like me. I’m not saying I’m better than anyone, and I definitely don’t feel that way. I just have to guard myself when it comes to sex or I will get hurt because it feels like I’m giving myself to someone, and I need to feel safe, loved, and appreciated.
+
+I want the man I end up with to not be able to stomach the idea of me with someone else. He doesn’t have to start a bar fight because some guy looked at me, but I want him to be emotionally vigilant protecting our relationship.
+
+4 was my outburst unfair, immature, and/or emotional abuse?
+
+This was one I really tried to think about. To describe exactly how I felt, it was like a cork popped out of me and all the love I had felt both from and for him drained out in an instant. In its absence was a feeling that I had been misled, either knowingly or unknowingly, about the most special parts of our relationship. In essence he was a liar and had been a liar. Even if he woke up that morning and thought of it, we had sex right before he brought it up, that was information I needed to know before we did it then and he lied by omission by not telling me what was on his mind.
+
+Story time: My birthday falls on a major holiday and my parents always told me the fireworks were for my birthday. They thought it was cute, and as an adult I agree, but when I found out they weren’t actually for my birthday I felt like I was being made fun of and had been tricked for their amusement. This was that feeling x100000000. Something that had felt so special to me was not at all what I thought it was.
+
+It was such a visceral feeling when he brought it up, and he had literally just nutted in me. I was naked with his stuff inside me that he had put there and now he was altering everything I felt about everything we had been. I wanted to be clothed because he had completely lost the right to see my body and now I felt exposed and under a spotlight. I also wanted to scrape every piece of him out of me and throw it at him. That all he got was a tongue lashing feels fair but if it wasn’t, I can’t take it back and I’m not going to apologize when that will open up a dialogue.
+
+A lot of people brought up that the face he makes is manipulation, and I thought of it as a playful overt one until that moment. I know that actually communicating clearly will be what I need in the future and not post-coital.
+
+5 is their trauma in my past that could lead to my feelings or outburst?
+
+I’ve never been cheated on, I’ve never been involved in any form of group sex or even been invited.
+
+The only thing I can think of: My mom was in and out of the hospital when I was little and no one told me what was going on, they thought they were protecting me, but I always felt like I had no idea what was happening and I desperately wanted to but was too scared to ask. So I do not like the idea that important things that affect me are not being shared in a prompt and transparent manner.
+
+I don’t know if that counts, but I still feel like I would feel that way if that never happened.
+
+6 You would accept cheating or stealing but not group sex?
+
+No, I would not accept it. I would still break up with them. I was only explaining that I would be willing to hear them out as an act of closure and understanding.
+
+With all I feel about monogamy and intimacy I’m not naive to the point that I could never end up having a specific instance of infidelity explained to me in a way that wouldn’t lead to me sympathizing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s the worst betrayal you can do to someone 99.9% of the time, but if I heard 1000 cheating stories I could probably understand 5 of them. People drift, people don’t pay proper attention or appreciate what they have, people can be careless in situations and let things get out of hand. I know someone whose ex-husband cheated because they were in a religion that allowed divorce only if there was cheating and they both wanted out of the marriage without leaving the church. She condoned it but it would still be cheating on some level.
+
+Stealing is also a deal breaker, but my hometown is a big drug town and people end up trapped in things they can’t control. If that conversation could help them admit they have a problem and get treatment, I would feel good about that.
+
+Conclusion
+
+To finally get to the point, I read everything everyone wrote and took what I considered reasonable, both positive and negative. I texted him back, saying we were not compatible and that I want my stuff and would give him his and no further contact and I only wanted an okay and a neutral place to meet. My best friend and I will meet him to exchange our things. I considered threatening him with blowing up his secret if he ever pulls this with anyone else because now that I know what he’s into I don’t want another girl to get blindsided by this, but I’ll play that by ear. I want to let it go, but I’m still processing.
+
+My only thing left is wondering who he really is, but I can’t trust him not to lie or omit information to make himself look or feel better. So I don’t want to talk to him. If I could know with certainty this was not an intent to harm or use me I would still leave him over this, but I wouldn’t be dealing with the questions of who he is like I am or worrying if he has or will do this to anyone else.
+
+I feel good about having stood up for myself and not even considering for a second a fundamental betrayal of who I am. I’m gonna do a spa day, visit my folks, and move on. I’ve always told potential partners that sex only comes after commitment but I’ve never asked about kinks early. I know I have to get over my reluctance to talk about sex early so I can screen better. I know the right one is out there. On to Cincinnati.</div>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2023-03-25</div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/121cqu8/cruel_twist_of_fate_27m_and_25f/" target="_blank" class="title">Cruel twist of fate. 27M and 25F</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hello,
+
+I&#x27;m not super familiar with reddit or writing so if I apologize if I&#x27;m somewhat scatter brained.
+
+My gf (25F) and I (27M) have been together 6 months, long distance. But our relationship was the most amazing I&#x27;ve ever experienced. It all seemed perfect. We never fought. We did everything together. She was so caring and considerate. I could be vulnerable and express my feelings with her. In that short time we&#x27;ve fallen so deeply in love it scares both of us. However 2 months ago a series of truamatic events happened to her.
+
+She was sexually assaulted by her best friend, he tried to kill himself on her porch, failed and was in a medical induced phycosis. He wasn&#x27;t likely to wake so she didn&#x27;t pursue charges. However he woke but had no memories. Then 2 family members were critically injured and in the hospital. Then the ex MIL tried to threaten to call cps to get full custody even though there was no grounds to call. Then she lost her job, her car broke down twice, got a misdemeanor, and can&#x27;t drive her motorcycle which is her one source of escape.
+Then she lost vision in one of her eyes due to contact lense complication. She then lost her current residence and is moving in to her grandmothers. Then the sexual assaulter contacted her again begging her to forgive him and to leave me and be with him. She blocked him.
+
+I should mention she has past unresolved trauma involving sexual abuse, abandonment, not being good enough, body dismorphia, and whatever its called when you get clinically depressed for years after having a baby. In her own words she wasn&#x27;t used to the amount of care I was giving her. And that&#x27;s pushing her away.
+
+All this was in 2 weeks. She broke. And when she breaks she shuts everyone out. She pushes everyone away. She will lie to hurt those who try to stay just to force them to go away. She asked me to give her space/time. Its been 2 months. She has gotten a new job, her misdemeanor dropped, and will be able to ride her motorcycle again. She is almost fully back on her feet. However she told me not to wait for her. That she simply can&#x27;t be in a relationship right now and she doesn&#x27;t know how long if ever she will be. But she loves me still and always will.
+
+The current issue is we are both extremely stubborn and prideful people. We will self sacrifice to help another but refuse to let anyone Sacrafice to help us. We are bad at accepting help and need to feel completely independent. So when she told me not to wait I asked why. The long and short of it is that she doesn&#x27;t want to be a burden or to hurt me. She loves me but thats why she&#x27;s trying to make me leave. She thinks ill be better off without her. I refuse to because she still loves me and quite bluntly I don&#x27;t move on fast. I waited 8 years until I met her. If she thinks that if she was out of the picture I&#x27;d just move on and be happy with someone else then she is wrong. I&#x27;ll be alone for another long long time.
+
+If she wanted me to leave because she didn&#x27;t love me or something like that id accept it. The problem is I know she still loves me. And she&#x27;s just trying to protect me at the cost of her happiness.  Today she tried to make me leave again. But she let slip that she will always lo e me and will simply resort to lying about not loving me if thats what it takes. But now I know she would be lying. This isn&#x27;t speculation. This is her own words.
+
+My waiting is hurting her because she is scared of hurting me. We both love each other so much that we self sacrifice for the others happiness. She won&#x27;t accept therapy.
+
+She feels she doesn&#x27;t deserve me. That I could do better. But I feel the same way about myself. Difference is im using that to push myself to be better, to become worthy. She just accepts defeat and expects me to throw her away. She is easily the most beautiful woman I&#x27;ve ever met. And she doesn&#x27;t wear makeup. I am an overweight nerd 6ft 250 and not of muscle. I was 310 at one point. And I aim to be 190-200.
+
+I was willing to move, to transfer to a location nearby, and when I thought she was fully blind in both eyes id even give her one of mine if that meant we could both still see each other and game together. I&#x27;m extremely dedicated to her and want her to be happy.
+
+
+So my question is what would you do? Would you wait? Would you walk away? I&#x27;m willing to wait. Even if it takes a year or 2. I&#x27;d rather be there to help her and work together to get through this but she&#x27;s simply incapable of that. It pains me to see her suffer so much and be unable to do anything. And with how we both feel I know id regret not waiting. And I think she would too. But I also feel guilty for not respecting her wishes and leaving. But I also know she doesn&#x27;t want me to and its a lie for my sake? I&#x27;m just so confused. And don&#x27;t know what to do. How do I help her? How do I save us? As far as I know nothing has been related to me or our relationship to cause this. So its not like I messed up or she lost love. Anyways. Thanks and sorry if I rambled.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2015-05-24</div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">10.0</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3748ld/girlfriend_29f_and_i_29m_of_9_months_are_having/" target="_blank" class="title">Girlfriend [29F] and I [29M] of 9 months are having serious communication issues. I don&#x27;t know what to do. Long post, but I need your help.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hi /r/relationships,
+
+I&#x27;ve been regularly reading this subreddit for quite a while now, and I&#x27;ve appreciated all of the thoughtful advice, clarity, and support that have been offered to others over the years. Today I&#x27;m hoping you can do the same for me. This is a very long post, but I’ve tried to be as thorough as I know how to be in order to figure out what is going on here. Please bear with me if you have the time and interest.
+
+I met my girlfriend “Erin” about 9 months ago, and we hit it off instantly. After the best first date I&#x27;d ever been on, we went on a second and third date within the same week. Things just fell into place very well. She is gorgeous, utterly brilliant, is a badass, has a great sense of humor, has great taste, loves fun and adventure, and is disarmingly kind. If we lived in some comic book universe, I would swear up and down that she must be a superheroine in disguise. We both work in intellectually demanding fields that are not too dissimilar from each other, and we have enjoyed being able to have thorough, meaningful conversations on a range of topics about which we are both interested. Our sexual chemistry was incredible from the start. We quickly became enamored with each other, and would frequently remark how incredibly lucky we felt to have found the other. We would discuss at length how we were both glad that the other shared the same values of good communication in a relationship -- no door slamming, no storming off, no yelling, just sitting down and being able to flesh out when something is off or bothersome, and what we can do to address it and move on. We both felt a great sense of satisfaction in finding a partner who is grounded and psychologically healthy. Within a short time we were in love and absolutely ecstatic about it. A couple months into the relationship Erin confessed to me that she knew she had met the person she is going to spend her life with -- that she knew she is going to marry me. I was stunned and in awe. I told her I knew it too. We talked for hours that night about just how unbelievable and crazy it all was. Neither of us had ever felt that way before, and certainly not so soon into a relationship. But we knew it was true.
+
+I am head over heels for this woman, but so much in our relationship has changed.
+
+Starting around January, a couple major things happened in our lives. I decided to take a sabbatical from my field due to a growing sense of dissatisfaction for a number of reasons. It was a very difficult decision for me. I didn’t talk about it much, keeping my feelings about it bottled up because I felt embarrassed that I was no longer doing some sort of awesome and impressive professional thing, and was now basically a dude without a job. The entire situation was stressful, and it made me withdraw a bit. She sensed it and kicked my ass back into shape, telling me that she loves me for me no matter what it is that I’m doing, that she agreed with my reasons for leaving my field, and that I cannot bottle up feelings like that because it is of absolute importance to have a relationship with me that is communicative, open, and trusting. I agreed with her, and apologized for trying to deal with it all alone. I have unfortunately been mostly jobless in the interim: working part-time jobs, occasionally feeling a sense of inadequacy and failure for being on sabbatical and wanting to leave my field, applying for jobs that sound interesting but getting rejected because I&#x27;m considered overqualified, and, honestly, being lazy. I have, however, begun reading and writing for pleasure (which I could never do before), and there is a very promising professional opportunity that looks to be lining up for me.
+
+Also starting in January, Erin went through a number of health issues related to hormonal birth control that caused an ovarian cyst, a costly trip to the E.R., a decrease in her sex drive, yeast infections, trips to the gynecologist, occasional and understandable moodiness, and an ever-present sense of frustration at her body. The treatments for a number of these new health issues themselves caused other health problems, and it was a long, serious, expensive, and very frustrating ordeal for her. Sex was very infrequent, as it was just understandably out of the question much of the time. I gave her my love, support, and understanding through it all, though she was very guarded and sensitive about the myriad of the health problems she was facing. For example, she said to me a number of times that she felt responsible for the drop in our sex life. I would say to her each time that she is absolutely not responsible; she couldn’t have known how her body would react to the hormones, and it’s certainly not like she wanted it to be reacting that way once it did. I tried my best to assure her day after day that this is something that we are going through together, and that I’m by her side no matter how long it takes her to get healthy. I wanted her to feel secure, and to feel like her partner was understanding. There were times, however, when this sentiment didn’t seem to get communicated properly, and she’d close up on me. One example that sticks out is when she was simultaneously battling a yeast infection and sudden acne, and was applying a cream to areas of her face in the bathroom. We were discussing how much shit she was going through, and how the acne was not only another side effect of a treatment she was prescribed, but that the cream itself was so intense that her skin couldn’t handle it. I said something along the lines of, “Man, baby, your body is just not liking any of these treatments.” It must have come across differently than I intended, because she immediately went quiet and, as I realized maybe ten minutes later, was hurt by it. I tried to explain that I didn’t intend anything mean or insensitive about what I said, but it didn’t seem to get across to her.
+
+With the exception of the astronomical hospital costs, the health ordeal is finally behind Erin as of a month and a half to two months ago. But what have remained are the odd miscommunications like I just described, only they seem to have intensified and become more frequent as the last four months have progressed. Somehow our ability to communicate has all but deteriorated, and we both feel like strangers in a relationship that we desperately want to get back to the way it was. I don&#x27;t know how much of it was caused by stress from the job and health situations, how much of it is owing to our natures and how we fundamentally interact with each other, or some combination of the two. What I do know is that so much of it started during these things we were going through. Before, we were able to solve problems in a calm, rational, open way. Now she feels almost entirely closed off from me, and I have felt myself growing more and more frustrated by an inability to connect and talk with her. I used to be level-headed and calmly spoken, but now I’m having a hard time *not* showing how frustrated I feel, even though I know that only exacerbates her withdrawing from me. There is an ever-present feeling of tension between us, and we bicker constantly too.
+
+We’ve attempted to have numerous sit-down talks about what’s going on and how to fix it, but nothing seems to be working. In fact, it feels like it’s just getting worse. I’ll first start by describing as best I can a couple of the big problems she has said she’s been having with me.
+
+I mentioned above that both of us work (or worked, in my case) in different, though fairly related fields, with multiple degrees under out belt. (Imagine, for example, that one of us works in math and the other in physics, or that both of us are scholars fields with important overlaps.) As such, some of one&#x27;s given professional work is of intellectual interest to the other. We have, in the past, enjoyed listening to the other&#x27;s views on a topic, or debating an interesting issue, or simply speculating on something that neither of us know much what to think about. We both found it stimulating, satisfying, and were very happy that we had found that quality in a partner. Occasionally, however, she would pull back from these conversations because she felt like I disagreed with something she said in too critical a tone, or that my wording of a disagreement came across to her as hostile. I have to admit that my profession has a reputation in other fields for coming across as hostile when we interact with members of other fields at interdisciplinary conferences, for example. When we&#x27;re told this, it&#x27;s typically received with genuine surprise, as we&#x27;re simply trying to be direct, and in my field that kind of language is seen as dispassionate, unadorned, and nothing other than to the point. For example: &quot;I think that&#x27;s wrong for XYZ reasons,&quot; or &quot;That contradicts something you said earlier,&quot; and so on. She did tell me, as an extreme case that happened a number of months ago, that once while we were having a discussion about some topic, I described something she said as incoherent, which at time I meant just to be a straightforward way of saying that there&#x27;s a certain kind of problem with the view she was expressing, though I absolutely see how that can be taken as very rude. (Really, I do.)
+
+I have since striven to soften my language during these conversations, because what&#x27;s of interest to me is certainly not to come across as abrasive, but to engage in conversation on mutually interesting topics with the person I love. And I, in turn, asked that when I slipped up she would try to keep in mind that I have absolutely no intention of being hostile or abrasive, that I really am just speaking in a way that, after so many years, comes naturally to me on certain topics, and that feels in my mouth like simple, straightforward, neutral language. I really do think that, to a large extent, I have improved. I’ve been working hard on it. But if I’m being completely honest, I don’t feel like she has made much headway in trying to be more understanding toward me about it, to at least give me some leeway if I slip up. And now that I think about it, we very rarely have these sorts of intellectual conversations anymore. I desperately need to have that in my life, and she says that she does too.
+
+The problem with the way I talk has bled over into other areas. If we are having a squabble, or discussing something that is bothering us, she has often said that I don’t talk to her as if I love her. Unlike what I described above, where the problem was how I sometimes expressed my disagreement, here the problem seems to be the entire way I talk. I have found this hard to understand, as I’m simply trying to engage with her in a civil, rational way by talking through whatever is bothering her, or whatever is bothering me, and considering the merits of each thing she and I say. When it’s on something that bothers her, I listen attentively and ask questions to better understand her. Sometimes I’ll end up disagreeing, but many times I’ll see that she’s absolutely right. I’ll apologize, tell her I understand where she’s coming from, and that I’m going to make a real effort to work on it. This way of approaching problems is the best way I know how. I have found it hard to understand why she feels that I’m talking to her as if I don’t love her; the entire reason it’s important for me that we communicate in straightforward ways about what’s bothering each other is precisely *because* I love and care about her. (I guess I should note that she doesn’t say she feels this way about how I talk when I’m agreeing that she’s absolutely right about what’s bothering her.) I have nevertheless tried to change the way I talk during these times to a slow, very gentle tone (which is not to say I was rough or aggressive before) so that I come across to her in the way she needs, but it’s kind of hard. And lately, with things having built up to what feels like a constant tension between us, it’s been difficult *not* to speak in a frustrated and upset way when something triggers an argument.
+
+Here are a couple examples of what bothers her in the way I speak when we’re discussing relationship issues. I can’t remember the exact content of this one particular conversation, but we were traveling to a nearby city to give ourselves a weekend getaway and to try to reconnect. We somehow got into an argument, and during the conversation I at one point I said something like, “It seems like you’re frustrated” (or angry, or being off, or closing up, I can’t exactly remember). She immediately said that she didn’t like that I was telling her that she’s feeling a particular way. I said that I wasn’t telling her that she was, only that it *seemed to me* like she was, because that’s the way it’s coming across and I wanted to talk about it. That turned into a 20 argument on whether the word “seems” is attributing a feeling to her or whether it’s just a normal way of saying that she’s simply coming across that way. Afterward she began telling me that I’m being unreasonably precise with language in a nitpicky, quibbly way, and that everybody deserves to get a “mulligan” when they’ve misspoken and it’s obvious what they meant to say. I told her that I completely agree with the mulligan thing -- I’m not some douche who goes around correcting people when they misspeak and I know what they meant to say. (Hell, I misspeak all the time.) But I said that the whole “seems” thing isn’t really a thing to be mulliganed. It’s just an ordinary and useful word that we (or at least I) need to communicate effectively.
+
+A couple weeks later she again brought up the mulligan point when we got into another argument. This time it was on whether there is a distinction between what is said and what is meant. At one point in the argument she said something (I again don’t remember what, but it’s not important for here), and later said she didn’t say it. (This has actually happened a couple times.) I pointed out that she did actually say it, and she denied it again. We had a tense back-and-forth about it, until finally she stated that what she *said* wasn’t what she *meant*. I replied that that’s perfectly fine (because we all misspeak, and it’s not a big deal), but just to please say that in the future so we don’t have tense back-and-forths when that can be avoided. She replied that I should have “mulliganed” the whole back-and-forth from the get-go because I knew what she meant -- that is, that I knew that her denials of having *said* something were really denials of having *meant* something -- and that furthermore there’s no difference between saying something and meaning something anyway, and that I’m just quibbling. This pretty much completely bewildered me. I don’t know what to say when this sort of thing is happening, much less with the person I care the most about. And I know for a fact that she can’t believe there’s no distinction between saying and meaning, because her job, at which she is incredibly competent, involves the analysis and interpretation of contemporary and historical arguments (I’m trying to keep things vague). I really don’t know what’s going on here or why she’s doing this.
+
+To the problems that I’ve been having. I’ve already discussed them a little bit in some of my comments above, but basically they come down to two things. The first is that I don’t feel at all like I’m listened to when we’re talking about what’s going on in our relationship, or when we’re having an argument. I often get the sense that what I’m saying is either being ignored, or that she somehow doesn’t understand anything I’m saying. I don’t think she’s doing it intentionally, which is why it’s all the more puzzling to me. During one of our last talks about what’s going on in the relationship, she asked me to tell her things that are bothering me. After basically telling her that one of my big issues is feeling not listened to, and giving a couple examples for illustration, she literally said, “But do you have any problems that don’t have to do with me?” We then proceeded to talk about what’s bothering her, and my attempts to steer back the conversation (by directly saying that this is here an example of why I don’t feel listened to) were basically met with confusion. The conversation was, however, fairly productive in other ways. Or so I thought. One of the things she said was that we needed to start being open and trusting with one another again, and to take what she described as a leap of faith in each other. I thought that was a marvelous idea.
+
+A day or two later we went to a show together, and I was feeling happy and excited to be with her, and at the idea that things would be on a better path between us. But she was practically silent the entire time, speaking only in one-word sentences. When we were sitting in our seats for the show, her body was turned away from me, and her leg was crossed away from me. Numerous times I reached over to rub her leg or hold her hand to let her know that I was wanting her to come back from wherever she was in her mind and to be here with me. Nothing worked. Later that night, back at her place, I told her how I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when she won’t try to be open with me, like we agreed on. I told her that I’m desperately trying, but that when she won’t speak to me, and her body language doesn’t even say that she wants to be with me, that I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do to get things on the right track. She seemed to understand exactly what I was saying, and told me she was sorry and that she’d try harder. A week later we were having another discussion, and I mentioned the conversation after the show about body language and not talking, and everything I had said. Her reply: “I didn’t know that’s what you were saying that night.”
+
+She knows that my feeling of not being listened to, or not being heard, is one of the big issues for me. But she has also said that she doesn’t understand what I mean by it. The other night we were watching a documentary that I was excited to share with her. She dogged it almost the entire time, until finally I started disagreeing with her criticisms. After a while she sensed we were doing more than disagreeing on the merits of the documentary, and that I was a little upset. It took a while for me to get her to understand, but she finally did when I said, “Imagine how you would feel if we were at one of the art museums you like, and I’m just making fun of all the pieces you want to show me. I honestly don’t get some of the art that you like, but I go in with a genuine interest to understand it and you. I don’t feel like you did that with something I wanted to share with you.” It was a bit of an “aha” moment for her, and she apologized. But then, after thinking about it some more, she thought that she had discovered what I must mean when I tell her I don’t feel listened to. The problem, she said, was that I’m not telling her up front how I feel about something she’s doing, and instead I talk around it like I did (sort of?) with her dogging the documentary. Except (I think) that’s not really what I think is going on. A lot of times I feel literally ignored, or misunderstood, or mischaracterized. (She has even told me, on numerous occasions, that she has a tendency to read the worst possible interpretation into something said or done.) The following day we were talking about the whole not feeling listened to thing, and I was trying to explain to her how it’s not (or not only) an issue of my not telling her directly how I’m feeling. I told her that sometimes I feel like what I’m saying is mischaracterized, for example, and a lot of time is spent with my saying “No, I didn’t say that. I said this.” The exact words I used were: “Sometimes I feel like you unintentionally strawman what I’m saying.” Her response: “But I feel like strawmanning someone is intentional.” I faintly tried to point out that I had deliberately said “unintentional,” and that this is exactly what I’m talking about, but I ended up giving up.
+
+The other big issue for me is that I feel like she’s completely shut down and closed off from me, and I don’t know why, or how to get her back. I have listened to what she says bothers her, and I really am trying all that I know to do. But at the same time, I don’t feel like the things that bother her add up to the way she’s behaving around me now. One night (a month and a half or so back) while at my place we were talking about how closed off she is from me. She agreed with me that she is, and that she feels like she’s in “survival mode, because after her mother, the one thing she knows how to do is survive.” She was on the verge of tears. Now, her mother was an extremely verbally and emotionally abusive person toward her. From everything she has told me (which is not all of it), she was a psychologically unstable monster who tore the family apart. Erin has not spoken to her in close to a decade, if I remember right. When she told me that she’s in survival mode, I felt stunned, heartbroken, and confused. Reddit, I don’t scream at people. I don’t tear people down or try to manipulate them. I’m an empathetic person. I care about the welfare of others. Erin knows this about me. When she told me that, I didn’t really know what to say, but I tried to ask her to say more. She said she didn’t want to talk about it that night, and we’ve barely spoken a word of it since.
+
+Her being closed off from me has continued to get worse. She drove to a bachelorette party out of state one weekend a few weeks back and hardly texted me. (I don’t need my girlfriend to be constantly texting me, but it would be nice to know if she arrived safely, or that she’s on her way back.) When she got back she suggested we go shoot pool. I suggested one of our favorite local bars. When we got there she started acting funny, almost as if she were going to hyperventilate, and asked me if there was a reason I took her there. (She drove. She suggested going to shoot pool.) I wasn’t sure what she meant, and she asked it a couple more times. I looked around the bar, thinking maybe there’s someone here I didn’t notice and that maybe she assumed that I wanted to be seen by that person or something odd like that. But I didn’t see anyone, so I said, “What do you mean? Is there someone here that I know or something?” She said there wasn’t, and that she thought I took her there to break up with her in a public space. What? (She has expressed this fear several times before.) She thought I had cheated on her. What? (That one is new.) Over the weekend I didn’t reply to a text she sent at 11:15PM telling me that I’m hotter than the male stripper at the bachelorette party. (That’s nice, I guess.) At 1:00AM, she texted me asking if I was already asleep by 11. The next morning, when I saw the text, I sent the kiss emoji to her (in response to that I’m-hotter-than-stripper text) and told her what I was up to at that moment. Apparently she thought I had slept with some other chick the night before. In reality, I was next door playing drunk video games with my male neighbor, and didn’t see the text. I would never cheat on her. I’ve been cheated on in a past relationship, and she knows how I have zero tolerance for it. (Interestingly, one time when we were talking about how I have zero tolerance for cheating, she said she felt sorry for me that I’m still carrying that burden and feel so strongly about being cheated on. What? I don’t carry a burden with me, I’m just not going to deal with a cheater again.)
+
+Then last weekend she went to the wedding, and hardly communicated with me at all. (Again, I don’t need constant texting. But did you land safely?) The second day she was there, I shot her a text telling her I hope she’s having a blast and to have a wonderful day. All I got in reply was a picture of her enjoying the location. I then hear from her the next day that she has already landed back home. (I didn’t even know she was on the plane.) I’ve been working long and late hours every day since then, and we haven’t had a chance to see each other. She’s also barely talking to me, though she has told me a couple times that she misses me. When I suggested she come to where I’m working (a place she frequents during the week either to hang out or get some work done) one evening for a little bit, she said she might do that. I haven’t seen her, though she’s been going out for late nights with friends. When she’s with me she often has to be in bed by 10-10:30 for work in the morning, and she’s been on a tight budget due to all the traveling she’s had to do recently. Interestingly, a few months ago when she had to work late and I had friends in town staying with me (so I was literally hosting them), I didn’t see her for three days. She was upset with me because she felt like I didn’t make an effort to see her, that I ditched her for my friends, and because I had gone to a restaurant that she was wanting to go to. I apologized to her, and explained that I felt like I had to host my friends. Now I feel like she’s done the same, and one of the friends is an ex-boyfriend. Now, I don’t mind her being friends (even good friends) with an ex, but it doesn’t make me feel good that she is more interested in hanging out with him than in seeing me when we’re going through a rough patch and haven’t seen each other in a week.
+
+Reddit, I don’t know what to do here. I love this woman. I know she loves me, and wants to make this work. I don’t understand why she is behaving this way, and I don’t know what I’m doing to really cause it. Nothing seems to deescalate with a little time. Communication is all fucked up. A few weeks ago she said that she finally felt ready for a real talk, and that she hadn’t really been ready for one before then (though some of them were suggested by her). I felt hurt by that, because I’ve been trying to talk with her about this for months. If she wasn’t ready for a talk then, what were we doing? How is that fair to me? How can I trust that this talk will actually be effective? None of her behavior suggests that she’s psychologically ready, given how closed off she’s been. That talk is supposed to happen later this evening.
+
+Help me understand this! I&#x27;ve never been with someone so brilliant and wonderful who I cannot communicate with. Help me figure out what I’m doing wrong and not seeing. I don’t want to lose her.
+
+TL;DR: I’m in a relationship with a wonderful woman, and our communication is failing. It’s as if she and I are carrying this wonderful but fragile thing together, and we can see that it&#x27;s not perfectly put together in some places, but no matter what we do to try to fix it, it just keeps falling apart right before our eyes.
+</div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2015-03-03</div>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2xu2f4/crazy_long_mom_58_and_i_28f_are_meeting_up_to/" target="_blank" class="title">(CRAZY LONG) - Mom [58] and I [28F] are meeting up to discuss something she says I’ve done that’s devastating her. But she won’t tell me what it is.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hello /r/relationships,
+
+There seems to generally be pretty solid advice on here, so I’m going to present you with my current issue. I apologize for how ridiculously long it is; I have never been one for three-word sentences and I think the background information is really important to get the whole picture, though I’m generally not going into details of specific events.
+
+Some background:
+
+My mom (58) has a big heart and generally good intentions. She was a single parent to myself and my two (30, 33) brothers. They are both bachelors, whereas I have a child (2 ½ yrs) and am in a committed relationship (I’m the youngest of the three). I am the only child that has never moved back home for an extended period of time once I moved out at 18. I have asked for help from time to time, but I mostly try to fend for myself. Ultimately, I’m very independent and don’t rely on my mom the way my brothers have throughout their lives. I feel that my mom is a lot more critical of me than my brothers, she tends to baby them. My family is not receptive when I share my feelings and they do not respect my boundaries.
+
+My brothers put mom on a pedestal (ie. one says I can’t ever make certain foods because it’s “not how mom makes it”, not in an endearing way either – like I’m literally not allowed to, and he’s mean to me about it) and they have trouble talking with me about anything that isn&#x27;t superficial. My whole family is very resistant to change or anything different (heaven forbid I put something healthy, like vegetables, into a dish or try to expose them to different types of food) and they subsequently make unhealthy choices – with food, hobbies, etc. then complain about their lives/bodies/relationships. Don’t get me wrong – it’s their life and they can live it the way they want, but it’s hard when I have to collaborate with them about things. All they want to do is eat crappy food and watch TV and complain, never be physical or change anything up. I strive to learn and try new things and they’re…opposite, to say the least. It’s not about the food (although it looks that way, lol), but more about them being set in their ways that bothers me. 
+
+They tend to still treat me like a child (being patronizing and “jokingly” condescending, despite not being educated on the issues they’re being immature about) and they expect me to just ignore or accept their actions (which admittedly, I did when I was a kid. It was the only way to cope – in fact, my mom was the one that said just to ignore my brothers – not actually deal with the problem). My family is very non-confrontational and will ignore problems out of fear. I’ve now grown into a strong and intelligent young woman and am not afraid to face issues. I have been through a lot and gained a lot of experience, emotionally and mentally; and taken responsibility for my behaviour as much as I can over the years. I’ve learned to recognize when someone’s projecting their own feelings or unresolved issues. This is something my mom does excessively. Her default emotion is anger and she lashes out at those around her. She always has, but it’s gotten worse over time. She is a mild version of the parents on /r/raisedbynarcissists; self-absorbed and consistently martyrs and victimizes herself (and my brothers enable it – as an aside, my extended family sees what I see in regards to my mom’s behaviour). Because I feel like I’ve grown so much as a person in the last few years, sometimes it’s hard to be around this kind of behaviour because I feel that it is very counterproductive to actually living a happy and fulfilled life, which everyone seemingly wants. 
+
+I love my mom, I love my family, and I usually just smile it off and vent afterwards. I realize that I am biased in my view towards her because there has been some resentment built over time of the choices she’s made that have negatively affected me and/or my child (“MC”). When MC was a baby, my mom constantly praised my parenting choices and techniques. But now that MC is older and I am confident as a parent, my mom seems to resent me and is very strangely disconnected from MC, her only grandchild. She doesn’t help me or get excited over MC the way your average grandparent does. Some of my friends have speculated that she is “jealous” that I have the opportunity and awareness to be a more mindful parent than she was, and this is how she is acting out. I don’t know if that’s the case, but I have noticed that she has some weird jealousy issues.
+
+I don’t trust her with MC because she has a tendency to be very controlling over trivial things and she doesn’t shy away from “light” physical abuse (smacking a hand, grabbing MC aggressively, for example) and yelling is a default way for her to communicate. As someone who was raised in this environment, I am trying my damndest not to yell or use fear tactics to parent MC, because I know that it’s not a healthy way to parent (I’m happy to say that I’ve been doing a pretty good job so far, but it hasn’t been easy). Despite the fact that I am a single parent, I’ve never allowed her to babysit, and she’s never really expressed interest in doing so. My mom is someone who will drive very fast and recklessly even with her newborn grandchild in the car – and if I say anything, she would be incredibly insulted. She will demand MC hug her and if MC doesn’t want to, manipulate her by acting hurt and acting like a child herself (I teach MC body consent, that her body belongs to her and no one else, and that she can say no). One week after major surgery on my abdomen, my mom made me walk three blocks to her car because she didn’t want the inconvenience of having to u-turn into traffic out of the hospital pick-up lane, despite staples in my stomach and explicit doctor’s orders that I shouldn’t be walking. 
+
+
+The issue (I think? Will explain below) :
+
+My mom currently cares for two kids, a teenage girl (16 – “TG”) and a young boy (7 – “YB”). They are both relatively good kids, but given their circumstances of why they are in care in the first place, have had a tough life thus far. Given what the alternatives would be, my mom is 100 times better than their previous situations. Despite this, her parenting techniques have not changed or grown over the course of decades. As someone who is getting paid to care for these children, she is very out of touch with healthy childhood development and is very “old school”, despite the reality that they need even more care because of their experiences so far. They need more tenderness, more understanding, more education. Instead, she flips out over the most mundane things and seethes for hours or even days. 
+
+My mom has a sharp tongue and resents TG and can be abrasive and rude to her. She expects her to clean without being asked, absolutely freaks out if she doesn’t turn off lights, was mad at her for 3 days because she got less than a cubic inch of hair dye on the bathroom cabinet, and just gets annoyed with her day-to-day.  I’ve tried to remind my mom that she’s just a teenager; that my mom’s job is to be patient and remind her of these things and help her instead of making it about her own feelings. That TG isn’t an adult or equal partner in her household, in fact, she&#x27;s someone who has already had a traumatic life. I remind her that I was a little shit when I was a teenage girl and that’s how teenagers are (I really feel for this young woman and think she has an incredible head on her shoulders – she is  pretty wonderful). So, a couple of months back, MC and I were at my mom’s for dinner. My mom started freaking out at YB because he was playing with his food or something. She sent him to his room, drama ensued. Eventually he came out and apparently was whispering weird things to TG (“you’re a bitch” “die” – keep in mind these kids come from a messed up dynamic) and my mom expected TG to deal with it, pretty much to parent him. At the time I didn’t say anything. My mom clearly favours YB over TG. 
+
+This is where (I think) the issue is: later, I was giving MC a bath and invited TG to talk with me while I did. I really like her. We put on the fan to mute any sounds. I asked her about her life, learned more about her. I told her that my mom’s anger issues are not hers to carry, and that she shouldn’t be responsible for parenting YB. That I hope she can find a way to cope and differentiate between her own issues and the ones my mom is projecting onto her. That I know my mom yells, she always has, and that she has a lot of unresolved things she has trouble dealing with. This young woman has so much potential and I don’t want my mom to hinder that. In a roundabout way, I just kept reiterating that it’s not TG’s fault, she is doing great, and to just keep growing and learning. She was really receptive and it felt really good to have a one-on-one conversation with her. I was really happy with how that conversation ended. After we got out of the bathroom, I noticed that my mom had completely shut down and would not talk to me. She goes into “business mode” when she’s mad. She was withdrawn and cleaning obsessively.
+
+As I am not afraid of confrontation, I asked her.
+Me: “Mom, what’s up? You’re not acting like yourself.” 
+Mom: “Nothing.”
+Me: “Okay, come on. I know you better than that. Something is bothering you.”
+Mom: “You’re right, I am extremely angry at you. But I’m not telling you why.”
+Me: “I can’t help you if you are unable to talk to me. It’s not my job to figure out your emotions if you are unwilling to share them. That’s something you need to work on.” (granted, this was a little too direct, but I have been dealing with this for sooo long)
+Mom: “THAT’S SOMETHING YOU NEED TO WORK ON!!!”
+Me: “…Okay? Working on things isn’t a bad thing. I do work on myself. Every single day. But I can’t work on something if I don’t know what it is.”
+Mom: “…”
+
+Then I just gave her space. Now, as per the above conversation, I don’t know if she was eavesdropping on my conversation with TG. Hell, she could be mad because I didn’t do the dishes, or because I invited TG into bathroom with me and not her, or because I didn’t want to be dishonest about returning a teapot to Ikea to save a few bucks (seriously…that’s a whole other thing). So we got ready to leave. She refused to say goodbye and wouldn’t even say goodbye to MC.  I can’t stress enough: her only grandchild who is completely innocent in this whole situation. She just sat on the couch and TG gave us hugs and walked us out. It was suuuuper weird.
+
+This was back in the beginning of January. As I grow really weary of always having to extend the olive branch and subsequently enabling her self-victimization, I didn’t try to contact her (much to my spouse’s dismay – she is the only family we have in the country). On January 25th, she texted me asking when she could get back the TV that she borrowed me. I said anytime, whenever I am seeing you next. Then she asked when I would pay back some money I owe her (about $50) and again, I said anytime (I was still pretty pissed off and was annoyed that again, the real issue was being ignored). I told her that I still don’t know why she’s harbouring resentment against me, and that we can’t work through it until she’s ready to share it. She ignored that part and talked about the money. I asked her if she was going to avoid the real issue. She said she will email me. Over a month later, no email. I sent her a few pictures of MC and she said thank you and to give her a hug for me.
+
+This brings us to today. I’m tired of the whole silent treatment thing. I text her.
+Me:  “Hello. I love you.”
+Mom: “I love you too and I’ll never stop loving you but you hurt me”
+Me: “We can’t work through this unless we communicate about what’s bothering you. I miss you and MC misses you.”
+Mom: “I have tried to email you but I always draw a blank since there is too much to say”
+Me: “Then let’s get together to talk. Can we do that?”
+Mom: “I do not want to go to a public place. I do not want to cry in public. This has been hurting me for a long time.”
+Me: “Me too. I’ve felt completely in the dark about something that’s happened that you’re hurting about. I have no idea what’s going on. Come over and we’ll talk about it in private.”
+Mom: “I am not free right now.”
+Me: “Well not right this second, as I am at work. But soon. Come over for dinner.”
+
+Then we organized a meeting for next week. I know this whole post has been hella long (and really cathartic) because I didn’t want to leave anything out, and a part of me is even unsure about why I am reaching out to my fellow redditors. I guess I am asking if anyone has any advice on how to handle this, keep my cool, and some ways that I can approach her without her shutting down or getting angry with me right away; not to mention any suggestions anyone can offer moving forward in the future. As she won’t even tell me what’s bothering her, I have no way of preparing. I could totally be in the wrong and be doing something terrible and not even know it. Right now I’m preparing myself for the conversation I had with TG – but it could be completely unrelated. It could be because I haven’t returned her TV or something (maybe she feels taken for granted?) 
+
+I have no idea, am so frustrated, and the multiple times I’ve asked, she won’t budge. I love her so much, we used to be really close when I was young. I don’t want to hurt her but I also don’t want to enable her victimization. I want to take responsibility for my issues, but I’m not taking responsibility for hers. I’ve tried so hard over the years to help her with her stuff but she just makes the same decisions over and over. This sounds harsh, but I already have the responsibility of helping one person recognize and regulate their feelings (MC); I shouldn’t have to do that for a grown woman. And this whole silent treatment is not what I want either – my spouse is from a country on the other side of the world, and if we have any more children, mine will be the only family they really know. That is really important to us.
+
+Brothers: I don’t know if you’re redditors and if you’ve stumbled upon this and recognize it. If you’re reading this, please talk to me. We both know that we’re very different but we love each other all the same. I don’t blame you if you’re mad at me; I feel very alone within our family sometimes and I don’t want to shoulder this by myself. We can have such a close relationship if we want to, because we’re good people with love in our hearts.
+
+tl;dr – my mom, who has a lot of unresolved issues, is mad at me about something but won’t tell me what it is. I don’t know how to prepare.
+
+Edit: Just an FYI, I don&#x27;t let her drive with my child in the car (for over 2 years now) and I&#x27;m very vocal about my parenting choices and that they need to be respected. My child is my priority.
+
+Edit 2: It just dawned on me what the best thing to do is. Thank you so much for all of your responses, they helped bring me the clarity that I need; and I apologize for not commenting earlier (for some reason I can&#x27;t submit comments from my work computer, so I am doing this from my phone).
+I think my best course of action when we meet is to lay down my boundaries and expectations. She is under the impression that she&#x27;ll be telling me all the ways I hurt her, in which I will listen to and be relatively receptive to. But then I will express my own frustrations (the boundaries with my child, the lack of respect, the reckless driving, the lack of support, the allowance of my brothers being douchey, etc.) and stipulate that she needs to listen to what I have to say, even if she doesn&#x27;t like it. I will say that in order for us to establish a healthy and reasonable relationship, she needs to pursue counselling long term (and I will help her find resources); she needs to not expect to parent my child; she will not yell or swear in me or my child&#x27;s presence, nor will I allow her to be verbally abusive in my presence. I will not &quot;force&quot; any of this on her (she may take it that way), but tell her that these are MY boundaries as an individual and as a parent. I will also recommend joint counselling for us, and maybe even my brothers. If any of this is not respected, I will have no choice but to limit our contact. This isn&#x27;t the first time I&#x27;ve had to do this (she said some pretty sensationalist and negative things about fearing that my spouse would kidnap me because he&#x27;s from a Muslim country... Yeah... And I told her that the only relationship that is in jeopardy with that kind of mentality is hers and mine. She apologized and hasn&#x27;t brought it up again.)
+
+Thank you so much again. You all helped me work through the emotional side of things to establish what is the most productive way to handle this. If anyone would care for an update, I can post one after it happens. Wish me luck!</div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2017-01-11</div>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/5naaeb/important_question_regarding_female_guests_and/" target="_blank" class="title">Important question regarding female guests and washroom usage, in a males home.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hey Redditors,
+
+Relatively new to posting here, so i hope i put this in the right forum.
+
+Over the past two months I have noticed an odd trend occurring when I have female guests over. Anytime I have had someone over, I notice that when they use the washroom, instead of using the toilet paper I have on the spool, they pull out a new roll and use that instead. It has happened with maybe 5 different women of varrying backrounds so i dont think it is a &#x27;snob&#x27; thing.
+
+I used to have my TP under my sink, but I had some recent renos and lost space under there so i have had it out near my toilet for the time being until i figure out a new solution. This is possibly why I have not noticed this in the past because my TP was more hidden.
+
+The spool is right next to the toilet, so youd have to be really daft not to notice it. So that eliminates the possibility of them not being able to find it.  It is really killing my OCD that I now have 3 halfused rolls of TP in rotation.
+
+The only thing I could think of is that is it possibly a sanitation thing? Like, do women consider a mans bathroom to not be sanitary so they dont trust the TP on the spool? I have a very clean bathroom so I dont think this would be the case either.
+
+So please, women of Reddit. Help me solve this mystery. Why are these women going for new rolls of TP?</div>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/bfafgz/my_24f_friend_24f_packed_up_and_left_me_and_our/" target="_blank" class="title">My (24f) friend (24f) packed up and left me and our other friend (24m) and booked a new hotel room for the remainder of our trip.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">My original post got removed but I still wanted anyone’s advice on my situation:
+
+What had happened the night before was that Tanner, Alexandra, and I went out drinking with some people that Alexandra knows through mutual friends. The people we went out with were super nice but one of the girls was being a bit awkward and standoff-ish towards Tanner and I.
+
+The next morning, Tanner and I woke up early and started discussing the events of the previous night. I don’t remember exactly what was said but it was along the lines of “we don’t think (girl) likes us because she was being standoffish towards us” and we went on to giving examples of her actions that made us feel this way. When we finished our conversation we went to wake Alexandra up so we could get our day started. This was when she said she didn’t wanna come with us as she was feeling sick the whole week - which we understood as she was sick before this trip even started. So we told her we would let her stay home and rest while we went sightseeing.
+
+Fast forward to my original post - us coming home and finding out that she has packed everything and left, and her leaving us with a vague note saying “I need some space and got my own place. I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow just need to have a breather,” I had speculated that it was something that we had said in the morning but Tanner said that we hadn’t said anything that would upset her so it might be something that had nothing to do with us - which most of you guys assumed. Well it was absolutely what we had said that made her so upset she got her own place.
+
+This morning, we texted her asking if she wanted to meet us for lunch which she had ignored. So I figured I would try messaging her in a separate chat saying “I’m going to assume you don’t want to come out with us tonight but I wanted to let you know you left your pants here and I’ll return it to you when we see you back home.” She then replied with “I’m pretty disappointed and sad that i overheard you and Tanner talking shit about my friends when they were just tryna show you a good time and to say those stuff in front of me when I was in bed and I was awake. I don’t think that’s okay at all. My intention was to show you around since your only here for a short time and to have those stuff said hurt me a lot. My friends took time out and their intention was to show us a good time so I don’t think what you both said is warranted. We had the whole week to party so that wasn’t an issue. I didn’t ask to be sick but I am and I tried my best to cater to everyone.”
+
+I completely understood where she was coming from so I messaged her back with “You are absolutely right and I’m very sorry we did that. I didn’t realize until after the fact that it was really shitty of us to say those things. I’m not going to say anything to excuse our actions but I wish you would have confronted us and talked to us yesterday morning. We had no ill intensions and I guess in the moment to us we thought we were just discussing the night, and didn’t realise it was so negative with regards to your friends. We shouldn’t have said what we said though and again I’m sorry for what happened”
+
+She then said she appreciated my apology and would catch up when we were back home. I feel like absolute shit right now for making my friend feel so uncomfortable she had to leave us. I did not realize what we said would be so hurtful to her no matter how insignificant we thought it was.
+
+For those who are saying enjoy our trip anyway - I will try as it is our last night here but I’m feeling pretty bummed out. Thanks for all your comments though - I didn’t realize how many people would actually want to take the time to reply and put in their thoughts. I appreciate reading the comments and am glad this situation is at least partially resolved.
+
+What can we do to make it up to her? I feel like absolute shit all over again for making my friend feel this way.
+
+Tl;dr - friend who left us on this trip and booked a new room at a different hotel was upset with comments we had made about her friends. She just messaged me with this reason and confirmed she will see us back at home and will not be spending the rest of our trip with us.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2016-06-06</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">10.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4msy7c/i_21m_cannot_get_rid_of_the_feelings_i_have_for/" target="_blank" class="title">I [21M] cannot get rid of the feelings I have for my best friend [20F].</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Let me start by saying I am completely new to Reddit so I don&#x27;t know if this post belongs on here or not. I guess I just need some advice and/or space to vent. Also, I am in my feels so this will probably resemble a cheesy romance flick with plenty of rambling. Feel free to skip to the TL;DR if you&#x27;re not into that sort of thing. You have been warned. Anyways, here we go..
+
+So I have known this girl for roughly 6 years now, and we have been best friends almost since the day we met. The only problem is that I am ridiculously and completely in love with her.
+
+In the early years of our friendship, I tried (on multiple occasions, believe it or not) to take our relationship to the next level. Each attempt was met with the dreaded &quot;you&#x27;re like a brother to me&quot; line, and I quickly came to the realization that I was stuck knee-deep in the friend-zone. I gave up my fruitless attempts to win her over and, miraculously, our friendship was never jeopardized.
+
+Today we are still close friends, but nothing near what we used to be. That being said, I still have these feelings for her. I know I need to move on, but I cannot for the life of me figure out how. Every time I think I&#x27;ve finally gotten over her, I&#x27;ll see her beautiful smile or watch how she throws her head back when she laughs and I&#x27;m immediately back where I started. I&#x27;m worried that if I never learn how to move on, I&#x27;ll spend my whole life waiting for her to give me a chance or I&#x27;ll just chase her away for good.
+
+In addition, it is also hard for me to maintain relationships with other women. I&#x27;ve been on my fair share of dates and have had a handful of intimate relationships in the last 6 years, but these never last because I never feel as connected to them as I do to my friend -- if that even makes sense.
+
+For example, a few days ago, she ended up staying the night at my place after a night out on the town. We both had a few drinks, but it was nothing too crazy since we aren&#x27;t heavy drinkers. Being a college student with relatively little furniture in my apartment, we always just end up falling asleep in my bed whenever she has stayed over. Usually it&#x27;s not a big deal, but that night she fell asleep in my arms with her head on my chest. As cliché as this is going to sound, everything made sense in that moment. I didn&#x27;t want to be anywhere else in the world than right there in that moment. It is absolutely remarkable that such a little thing like that can mean so much.
+
+In short, I&#x27;m a hopeless romantic chasing an imaginary love, and I simply cannot take it anymore. I just don&#x27;t know how I am supposed to move on when loving her feels so natural.
+
+TL;DR: I&#x27;ve been in love with my best friend for 6 years but the feeling is not mutual. She knows I have these feelings for her ever since I tried to take our relationship to the next level a few years ago. My problem is that it is hard for me to maintain intimate relationships with other women since I don&#x27;t feel connected to anyone else like I do with her. I can&#x27;t spend my whole life waiting for her, but I can&#x27;t ignore how I feel. It is a constant battle and moving on has proven to be difficult for me. I could use some help..</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-04-28</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">10.0</span>
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+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ceyzsv/i_24f_am_debating_breaking_up_with_my_bf25m_over/" target="_blank" class="title">I (24F) am debating breaking up with my BF(25M) over Last Names</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">So I (24F) and my boyfriend (25M) are having a massive fight. So I have always been very honest with the fact that I want to keep my last name if my SO has a common last name. My last name is about as popular as Steele is as a last name. To be clear if my SO has a rarer last name I would take theirs.
+
+So my boyfriend has the last name that is one of the most common in the USA, think Jones or Williams. As a result I stated, early on in our relationship, that if we marry I want him to take my last name. This is something I brought up as soon as the third date since I know men can be touchy about their last names.
+
+BF said he was fine taking my last name and even joked that now our children won&#x27;t be one of five kids with the same last name. So he recently proposed and it was fun and exciting. A few months later he invites me over to his place and says we need to discuss something. I assumed it was wedding related and even brought some things to show him that I had as inspiration for our wedding day. So I get inside all excited and wanting to show him my ideas when he sits me down and tells me this discussion isn&#x27;t wedding related.
+
+As you can guess he wanted to talk about the last name and having me take his. I just let him talk because I was shocked. Why bring this up now? Why all of a sudden? Why after nearly four years together are you concerned about this when I made it clear I wasn&#x27;t changing my mind. I did get heated and asked these questions and many others getting more agitated. He was evading the questions or saying that he just changed his mind about the last names. I was probably yelling at this point and said something like &quot;My stance has always been clear on this matter there is nothing to discuss.&quot;
+
+He sighed and looked defeated then he lead me to the door and told me that we can talk again when I&#x27;m calmed down. I was pissed and screamed at him that there is nothing to talk about but he just shut the door. I stormed out to my car and went home. I was talking to a close friend about this and she basically said &quot;(my name) it&#x27;s a last name. Is it really worth throwing away a four year relationship?&quot; And originally this was a hill to die on but she didn&#x27;t share the sentiment. So know I am wondering if I&#x27;m actually being petty and fooling for being tempted to break up with him
+
+Should I consider taking his last name and talking with him about this? I have some of my other mutual friends saying I&#x27;m being dramatic and stubborn over something pointless so they really have me questioning what I should do. Before this I was fully debating sending back the engagement ring and blocking his number but maybe I&#x27;m being hasty. I just don&#x27;t know what I should do and to be honest I&#x27;m terrified that I&#x27;m throwing away a good relationship over nothing.
+
+​Edit: To be clear I didn&#x27;t start getting upset until he started avoiding my questions. Anything would have worked from &quot;I decided I liked my last name&quot; to &quot;I want to hyphenate&quot; but he just stonewalled me. He gave me nothing to work with no matter how I asked. I didn&#x27;t start getting upset until he called me emotional for not ​wanting to change my last name
+
+PS. ​For everyone asking about hyphenation that&#x27;s one of the first things I brought up when he said he wanted to keep his last name. He wouldn&#x27;t answer me or give me anything to work with so he decided we&#x27;d talk about it when I&#x27;m less emotional.
+
+Update: So I&#x27;ve decided to ​give him some space for a day or two then approach him calmly. I will apologize for yelling at him because no matter how upset I was that was an uncalled for reaction to what was going on. I&#x27;m going to ask him about future plans as well since we originally agreed that the kids would take my last name but now Im sure he probably wants it to be hyphenated so ​that&#x27;s a discussion we really need to have.
+
+I​ will still reply to questions/comments so please feel free to ask or speculate. Especially since some of you have me great insight, someone men​tioned his family or the realization that this is happening. So I&#x27;ll be looking into that since I am curious why he changed his mind so suddenly.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2022-12-14</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">10.0</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zlwa73/my_wife_freaked_out_at_our_neighbors_for_making/" target="_blank" class="title">My wife freaked out at our neighbors for making noise and I&#x27;m not sure what I should do</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">A bit of background, my wife (34F) and I (30M) have been married for 8 years. We&#x27;ve been teaching ESL abroad for a few years, but it&#x27;s not a great industry and we wanted something that will be more secure long-term.
+
+We decided to leave ESL, and this year I started studying at a medical school in an EU country. For the last few months, I&#x27;ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety related to the bureaucracy here as well as the academic pressure. But my wife has been amazing. She&#x27;s been so supportive and uplifting, she hasn&#x27;t allowed me to get lost in my anxious moods, and she&#x27;s put a lot of effort into making our apartment here comfortable even though it&#x27;s not the nicest living space. Every day I really look forward to coming home from class and spending time with her.
+
+Last week, a group of students moved in next to our apartment. Apparently their bathroom shares a wall with our bedroom, and the walls are very poorly soundproofed. We can hear literally everything that happens in their bathroom, every footstep, every drop of water dripping from the tap, every time they flush the toilet. The noises are LOUD. We go to bed at 10:00 - 11:00 so I can get up at 6:30 for class, but they go to bed at 12:30 - 1:30. So for the past several nights, we have been kept up by all kinds of bathroom noises until our neighbors have finished with their showers/general nighttime routines. The noise isn&#x27;t their fault, though; it&#x27;s just a matter of poor construction and poor placement of pipes. My wife and I have been speculating about whether or not we can do anything about it, but it&#x27;s not like we can ask them to change the time when they go to bed. We&#x27;ve mostly been keeping our cool about it and just getting to sleep when we can.
+
+Last night, however, the noise was really bad. By 1:30 it hadn&#x27;t stopped, and I was getting really frustrated, so I said that I was going to sleep on the couch where it was quieter. My wife was upset but I didn&#x27;t really listen, I just went to the living room.
+
+A few minutes later, I hear my wife pound her hand on the wall multiple times and then *scream at the top of her lungs* in frustration. I came in to get her to stop freaking out, and then once she quieted down I told her that that was humiliating and that I was really angry with her, and then I went back to the living room and fell asleep after fuming for an hour or so. I left this morning for class without waking her up or talking to her about it because I had no idea what to say.
+
+When I came back from class, we had a conversation about why she did that. She said that she just snapped, that I left her alone to deal with the stress of the noise by herself and she couldn&#x27;t process it. She brought up times when I&#x27;ve had angry outbursts before, which I certainly have, and said that sometimes it just happens. The thing is, I really think she crossed a line and that it&#x27;s not comparable to times when I&#x27;ve raised my voice at her or thrown things (not at her, just in general). Those were things that we could deal with internally and didn&#x27;t directly involve people around us. I can&#x27;t imagine what our neighbors are thinking, and on top of that, we have definitely lost all credibility that we might have had if we ever wanted to complain about the noise in the building, so now we have no hope of dealing with the noise issue. I think we&#x27;ll be lucky if we don&#x27;t hear of a formal complaint to the building manager against *us*.
+
+My wife and I are behaving normally toward each other now, but internally I am still freaking out. My anxiety is through the roof; I&#x27;m very stressed at the thought of coming and going from our apartment (which I have to do every day) and running into our neighbors in the hall, and I&#x27;m worried that our landlord won&#x27;t give us a reference now when we leave (landlord references are important here). I haven&#x27;t been able to focus or study all day. I don&#x27;t know what I actually want my wife to do but I&#x27;m not satisfied that the issue is settled, and I don&#x27;t feel like she&#x27;s accepted how damaging her actions were/could have been. I don&#x27;t have anyone that I feel comfortable talking to about this because we&#x27;re mutual friends with basically everyone we know. This whole thing has made me miserable. Should I talk to the neighbors and apologize? Should I tell my wife that I want *her* to talk to the neighbors and apologize? I don&#x27;t know what I should do.
+
+tl;dr: My wife and I recently moved to a foreign country so I could study medicine, and last night she screamed through the walls at our neighbors to get them to be quiet. I&#x27;m embarrassed and deeply angry at her, and thinking about how this will affect our relationships with our neighbors and landlord is giving me massive anxiety. I don&#x27;t know how to move past this, to stop being so stressed out and to stop being so angry with my wife.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TwoXChromosomes</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2018-02-16</div>
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+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/7xvr8g/i_got_pregnant_despite_having_a_copper_iud_and/" target="_blank" class="title">I got pregnant despite having a copper IUD and chose to abort. Here&#x27;s my experience</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">This will be very detailed and I’d like to add a lot of background. Despite being well-educated on the topic (or so I thought), I experienced a lot of things I received no warning about. Hopefully recounting my experience will help somebody going through what I did, or will even give some perspective to someone who can’t relate but would like to try to. I’ll try to make a shorter version at the end to whoever doesn’t want to read the whole thing. This is my experience in New Jersey.
+
+*History with Birth Control*
+
+I got my first copper iud (paragard) about five years ago. It was an absolute disaster because it was placed improperly. It was placed by a nurse practitioner without the use of ultrasound, and the pain I felt was worse than the abortion I would eventually have. It was excruciating, and the np even said something to the effect of joking about my pain. The days after I felt terrible and was in extreme pain, those days were worse than the recovery from my abortion. I experienced heavy bleeding most days of the month, for months, and I had constant cramping and pain. I knew something was wrong but when I returned to the same clinic, I was told that everything was fine because the strings were visible, and I was told I was being too sensitive. I knew something was wrong so I headed to an ob/gyn instead of planned parenthood, and the doctor there too also told me it was fine because the strings were in place. I pleaded to get an ultrasound because of the pain I was in, and after insisting he finally agreed even though he ensured everything was fine. To his surprise, my IUD was improperly placed.
+
+I got it removed and went on hormonal birth control pills (lo loestrine fe) for several months and journaled changes in body. I’m on the lower side of healthy weight, occasionally underweight when I had an eating disorder. I was overweight as a child so I’ve always been strict with myself since and lost weight after gaining it, even with how easy it is for me to gain weight. On the pill I gained 10 pounds I was never able to lose permanently again, and while I didn’t realize it when it was happening, looking back at my journal I realized I was much more likely to feel depressed (while never formally diagnosed, I had a traumatic childhood in which I was depressed and suicidal, which slowly went away as my life situation changed and I began to live a healthy life, however occasionally I would still have bouts of depression).
+
+A few months later I decided to get another paragard iud, but opted to get it inserted by my ob/gyn with an ultrasound rather than planned parenthood (sidenote: I love planned parenthood and advocate for them politically as they help many who otherwise would not receive healthcare, however, I do not trust my local clinic for serious procedures. I would only ever return to them for more routine services, I now only trust my ob/gyn with more serious procedures). The insertion was unpleasant, but nothing compared to my previous one. I healed much quicker and felt a lot safer with my ob/gyn. I returned for checkups every few months just to see that it was sitting properly, and discovered that it was sitting lower in my uterus than what was typical. My ob/gyn told me that this isn’t uncommon and that he had other patients with similar conditions who never became pregnant. Later after more ultrasounds and checkups (my previous experience made me paranoid and I constantly wanted to make sure everything was going well), my doctor told me that the shape of my uterus is what was causing the iud to sit the way it was. I forgot the term for it, but the top of my uterus is concave. He said it was completely normal and common and shouldn’t interfere with my ability to have children in the future, and many women have the same thing and just don’t know it because it’s not easy to see.
+
+I don’t see my boyfriend very often because we’re long distance, but when we do see each other we have sex multiple times a day. I had the iud for about three years and nothing had happened and pregnancy with iud is extremely rare, so we got a little confident and he had finished inside me more often the most recent time that we saw each other.
+
+*Pregnancy/Planning for Abortion*
+
+I last saw my boyfriend during the winter holiday season. I keep track of my cycle religiously so I speculated that I got pregnant the first or second week of January. I came back home and my period was late, which is normal for me after seeing my boyfriend. Sex usually pushes my period forward about a week, and I took a pregnancy test and it turned out negative. Still, I was stressed and for some reason I just felt like I wasn’t going to be getting my period anytime soon. I’m a student and live on campus, but came home for a weekend and I was stressing about my period. It was really unlikely that I was pregnant, so I dug around for old pregnancy tests just to ease my mind. They were all expired, but I figured that I was gonna throw them away anyway and I wanted to ease my nerves, so I used one before bed. To my shock, it turned out positive immediately. I started freaking out and woke up my mom, who told me to stop being dramatic and go to sleep and we’d figure it out in the morning. I wanted to drive right then and there to the store and buy a new test, my family situation wouldn&#x27;t allow it and I couldn&#x27;t arouse suspicion. I texted my boyfriend and barely slept, google showed that expired tests usually show a false negative rather than a false positive, but could potentially show a positive. I woke up 30 min before the closest store opened and go there as they opened, only to be told pregnancy tests were part of the pharmacy department which wouldn’t be open for another few hours. I went to another store and came home, and again, it was positive, however the line was more faint.
+
+I looked up the closest and highest rated ob/gyn in my area and drove there as soon as they opened. I was an emotional wreck but the woman at the front desk was really kind. She said that they didn’t accept my insurance, however I should wait a moment and talk privately with her in another room. I had already told her that I was pregnant and needed to go from there.
+She asked if I wanted to terminate, to which I said yes. She told me that they didn’t do the procedure there, but would get me the information of good doctors who did in the area. She and another woman at the front desk gave me the information of two doctors closer to me and who would likely accept my insurance. I called the first office and explained what was happening, and they said the earliest appointment I could get was a week from then, which I accepted anticipating to cancel. I then called the other office, and the woman on the phone seemed annoyed and made me feel worse. I’ll never forget the tone of her voice when she exclaimed, “you’re PREGNANT with an IUD???”. It was still new and scary to me and I was in a lot of stress, and having someone else freaking out about it certainly didn’t help. She did say that I could see the doctor in 20 minutes though, so I rushed over. I’m really not the type of person to complain, but I was not expecting the staff I encountered there. The nurse brought me to a room and told me to undress, and then told me that the doctor wasn’t in that day so she would be doing an ultrasound… what? Anyway, I laid down and she inserted the ultrasound inside me. This has happened to me a lot previously with my iud checkups, and usually the nurse would face the screen toward me and explain what they were seeing. However she turned the screen from me, jabbed around painfully, and made faces that I could only describe as confused and appalled- definitely not what you want to see when you’re accidentally pregnant for the first time, especially with an iud, which mean a higher chance of ectopic pregnancy.
+I asked, “Do you see anything?”
+To which she snapped, “I’m LOOKING.”
+I was already in a lot of stress and fear and this was doing the opposite of helping. She then called in the doctor, even though she had just told me that he wasn’t in that day? She told him that she couldn’t see a pregnancy or the iud (despite me taking a pregnancy test minutes before which showed up positive). She seemed convinced that either my iud wasn’t there anymore, or that I wasn’t really pregnant. She also spoke as if I wasn’t in the room and honestly didn’t make me feel like much of a person.
+The doctor took over and found the iud, and he did say it was sitting low. However the pregnancy was in such an early stage, 2 or 3 weeks, that it wasn’t visible yet. He calmed me down and spoke to me like a person. He told me to get dressed and we can continue speaking privately in his office.
+He told me to stay calm and return in a week for another ultrasound, and if the pregnancy was visible, we could schedule a surgical abortion. He said it’s safer than the pill because the pill often causes excessive bleeding, and isn’t as effective as the procedure. He said he didn’t want to downplay it, as it was stressful, but that the procedure is no big deal and incredibly safe. Both the pill and procedure each cost $400.
+My mom had previously had abortions and had an iud placed immediately after as it was easier on the body because the cervix was open. I asked if he recommend this for me, and he said that there are typically two schools of thought with this. He said that some doctors do prefer this as the cervix is open, however, some preferred to wait a month to ensure that all tissue was gone. He said that he believed the second, especially in my case with such an early pregnancy.
+He also told me that he was in Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, while the nurse had told me he was in Tuesday and Thursday. It seemed like she gave the worst possible help at each opportunity, which I really did not feel comfortable with, but I did like the doctor a lot.
+
+I went to the second doctor a week later, and felt much more comfortable there. The staff was very professional and caring, unlike the other ob/gyn, where only the doctor was. This doctor performed an ultrasound, and saw my iud and a very tiny sac; and thank god, it wasn’t ectopic. He removed my iud and I cried as I associated the feeling with my previous iud experiences. He was surprised that I wanted another iud despite my experience, and told me to consider other options. He told me to take two blood tests spread out over a few days to see that the pregnancy was legitimate, as many people have miscarriages following iud removal. If the pregnancy hormone increased, we would schedule a procedure. He also told me with the timing of my period, that I should be at six weeks. This meant that either he was wrong, or as he suggested, it was an abnormal pregnancy. I thought his calculation was wrong, as I’m very aware of my fertile days, but he insisted it must be 6 weeks. I had he was wrong about how far along I was, and also had a strong feeling that I wouldn’t miscarry. Despite that I felt very comfortable under his care and felt he was very professional.
+
+I had to wait another week, and finally, my procedure was scheduled for another week from then. I had an ultrasound a few days before, and the doctor said that at that point I was at 6 weeks (the timing I originally knew myself, but he said was wrong). My pregnancy was no larger than half a centimeter. I was prescribed antibiotics, a medication to prevent excessive bleeding after childbirth, and valium. The dosing was confusing and I generally had a lot of questions so I spoke to the office manager a lot, in person and on the phone. She was very kind and helpful and answered all of my questions.
+
+For personal reasons I couldn’t charge the procedure to my insurance, so I had to pay out of pocket. It was $550 out of pocket, plus $50 for appointments before and about $25 for medication (however those were copays).
+
+*Pregnancy Symptoms*
+
+This is what I really wasn’t expecting. I’d always thought that if I needed an abortion it’d be a quick thing I could do the day of discovering my pregnancy. I was pregnant for about two months, despite doing everything as quickly as possible. In the beginning, my only symptoms were nearly perfect skin and mild cramping. I really couldn’t complain and thought it was kind of cool to have such great skin. Then I began being really sensitive to smells- I thought that my roommates had been cooking exceptionally smelly food or something, and starting thinking that I smelled like B.O. way more than normal. I asked my mom if I smelled bad on a day I was particularly smelly, and she sniffed my pits and said she didn’t smell anything. I realized it was probably just me, and then it only got worse- in the last three weeks, I was able to smell e v e r y t h i n g. It got so bad that most strangers I passed by on the street on windy days had a smell. I could tell what a lot of the people around me ate last. If someone within ten feet of me on the street was wearing perfume, I could smell it. Smell even became spatial for me, I could tell what space different smells occupied. I could see with my nose the shape of peoples’ breath. I was upstairs and stepped out of my room, and could smell that somebody downstairs in the kitchen had opened a bottle of maple syrup. When I showered, my pits still smelled after soaping them up three times. I had to shower every morning and night just to feel comfortable. This is a little tmi, but whatever you got this far: I could even sometimes smell what I last ate when I peed. It was interesting at first, but then became incredibly annoying. If I had to choose between that and losing my sense for the rest of my life, I’d rather not smell anything at all. It really changed my perception of reality as I always thought I was dirty and couldn’t stand being around other people or food a lot of the time.
+
+Another symptom was the nausea. For the last week I was nauseous 24/7 and kept my window open in all temperatures because I just couldn’t stand the smells of anything my roommates did and I could always smell it from my room. Ginger ale helped, until I drank it so often that I got sick of it. I woke up fine one morning, for some reason, and went to take a shower. I started feeling like I was about to pass out, so I cut my shower short and got to my bed just in time and luckily collapsed right there. I hyperventilated and about 20 seconds later I had to throw up, so I jumped up to the bathroom and puked for a while. I felt fine after, which was honestly a relief after days of no relief from nausea.
+
+
+*The Procedure*
+
+Today I finally had my procedure. I took the valium 30 minutes before the procedure, as directed, but didn’t feel any different. I was very nervous but was texting my friends, who were very supportive and helped me feel at ease. The nurse brought me to a room to get undressed and put on a gown, and then came back to move me to another room for the procedure. I caught a glimpse of the doctor in surgical attire and got a little more nervous. I looked around the room and saw the vacuum. He had explained to me earlier that the procedure would take about five minutes, that he would first use a needle to insert anesthesia to the cervix in multiple places, then suction the pregnancy out.
+
+The nurse and doctor came in, and asked if the valium kicked in or if I was fighting it. I felt no different. My nerves were really high and my doctor knew that I’m very tense about my body in general, I grit my teeth even just from the device that keeps the vaginal canal open. They started by injecting the anesthetic, and holy shit. My boyfriend had hit my cervix before and it hurt, but I could’ve never imagined having needles in it. It hurt like a bitch. It was fast though, and soon the doctor was using the vacuum. He warned that I’d feel cramps but it honestly was not so bad. It was over way faster than I thought it would be, and I felt relatively okay after. The nurse brought me to another room to recover, gave me a pad and sat me down on a puppy pad and gave me a blanket. Theeeen I started feeling the valium kick in. The procedure really wasn’t so bad, and recovering in that room was nice. It was overall not too bad of an experience and the staff comforted me and was very professional and helpful. I was very calm from the valium and overall felt okay. The valium bottle said that drinking while on it could cause death, so I asked when I’d be able to drink again and the doc even said that night (although I don’t plan to for at least a few days).
+
+My mom drove me home and made me food, and I’m in mild pain but healing. Sitting normally means I can feel my uterus and cervix, but otherwise, I’m pretty much okay. I feel some pain when I move around so I’m taking it easy.
+
+I opted not to get another iud and I’m not making any long term decisions right now, but I’m leaning towards bc pills in the future despite the negative effects they’ve had on me in the past.
+
+*Things I’ve Learned*
+
+From both my iud experience, and my pregnancy- if you know your body well, listen to it. Of course listen to what doctors say, they’re professionals, but keep in mind that their typical advice is aimed for the average person. If you know your body and know how it reacts differently from the average, and you think you aren’t getting the care you need, don’t feel uncomfortable asking for the care you think you need or find a doctor who will understand your body. Also, if anything about a ob/gyn or clinic makes you uncomfortable (and if you can afford to do so), go somewhere you feel comfortable. Luckily I’ve had the resources to go elsewhere when I’ve found my medical care to not be adequate.
+
+Also, I had to be pregnant for way longer than I thought I would be, and I live in a state where it’s pretty easy to receive an abortion. I was not expecting to be pregnancy for so long and to experience the symptoms so hard.
+
+On a last note, I’m incredibly lucky to live in a state where it’s easy to receive an abortion, and to have a parent who helped financially and emotionally. I was able to get the care I need with only the minimal amount of hurdles, I can’t imagine going through this without my support network or in a state which purposely makes it harder. It was hard enough for me, and I really cannot imagine going through this without the privilege I have.
+
+*What I Think Should Change About Birth Control and Abortion*
+
+It really sucks that there’s only one long term non-hormonal bc option. Hopefully in the future similar products will be available for women but also for men, like vasalgel (look it up, basically less invasive iud for men).
+I have no idea what it’s like to get an abortion in other states, but New Jersey has been a great model in my experience. I would have loved to have done it quicker, but I understand why my doctor wanted to wait and it wasn’t because of overbearing restrictions but to ensure I really needed it and that it was done right.
+
+**TL;DR:** I had a copper iud for three years and it was fine, got pregnant anyway later on. Had to wait almost two months to terminate even though I discovered the pregnancy at two or three weeks, and the clinic was really close to my house. I experienced a lot of pregnancy symptoms, which sucked. Take the advice of doctors seriously but if you know how your body is different from the average, take that into consideration and trust your gut. If you can afford to do so, get the procedure done where you feel comfortable. The procedure wasn’t so bad. I’m thankful I had financial and emotional support and live in a state where it’s relatively easy.
+
+This is a throwaway so I’m not sure how long I’ll have access to it, but if you’re going through this and have any questions feel free to pm me (although do try to comment if you can so others can learn too).
+
+(made some edits to remove some unnecessary information)
+</div>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TwoXChromosomes</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2013-06-15</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1gf7yn/how_do_i_regain_my_trust_in_people_and_faith_in/" target="_blank" class="title">How do I regain my trust in people and faith in love after being repeatedly manipulated by an ex?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Not to make light of the situation, but I&#x27;m starting to feel like Miss Havisham. I&#x27;m only 24, I shouldn&#x27;t be so jaded already. But I&#x27;m too afraid to be vulnerable again and open myself up emotionally after what has happened to me over the past year.
+
+**I apologize for how long this is. I bolded the important parts for you TL;DR people. I&#x27;m just really hurting, need to vent about what I&#x27;ve gone through, and need advice for the future. I&#x27;m in a really bad place because of all this.** Thank you for reading.
+
+Background:
+**I was living with my ex for over a year when we broke up**. It was my decision; he was being distant and I was depressed, our lease was coming up, we were bickering, and I thought it was better to break things off than sign up for another year. Then I had second thoughts, and he didn&#x27;t. So, I accepted his decision, moved out, and tried to move on. Fast forward a month, and he wants me back. I am torn with indecision, as I had begun dating someone else, but still loved my ex. My ex convinces me to go on a date with him, which was probably a mistake, as I ended up saying no the next day. He was very upset by it. We stopped talking after that.
+
+Fast forward a month, and I realize that the guy I&#x27;ve been dating is actually just a rebound (I hadn&#x27;t been single in 7 years, since I was 16 years old, so I made dumb choices), and that I&#x27;m really still in love with Ex. Ex texts me one day and says he found an old dress of mine tucked away in the closet, and told me I should come by and pick it up. So I do, **he invites me in for a drink, we end up talking for hours and I reveal that I still have feelings for him and made the wrong choice**. He initially says he doesn&#x27;t want to get back together, and I accept it. He repeatedly offers me drinks, which I decline (he has two drinks). Then before I leave, he pulls me in for a hug, and then just starts kissing me. I ask him what it means, and he says that he still has feelings for me, that I can spend the night and we&#x27;ll talk about us in the morning, etc. I&#x27;m resistant at first because even though I love him, I&#x27;m dating someone else and would need to break things off first. **Ex pressures me into the sex, though I do end up consenting**, because he made it seem like that&#x27;s what I needed to do to &quot;seal the deal between us&quot;. I told him I loved him.
+
+Immediately afterwards, he tells me he had been trying to get me in bed with him all night. When I asked for clarification, **he told me that he manipulated me into having sex with him, that he didn&#x27;t love me, and he didn&#x27;t want to date me.** He said that he was horny and didn&#x27;t know when he would have the opportunity to have sex again. He told me that now I will be able to get over him, and &quot;You&#x27;re welcome&quot;. I was in shock. I left the apartment shaking and in tears, feeling completely betrayed and emotionally and physically violated. The only reason I had had sex with him is because I thought that&#x27;s what I needed to do for us to get back together. Instead, he was using sex to take revenge against me for rejecting him earlier.
+
+We actually wound up talking about it and he apologized and said he didn&#x27;t realize it would hurt me as much as it did. He said that he was hurting and did it out of anger, and he didn&#x27;t think his actions through. That he realized after we had sex that he didn&#x27;t want to get back together after all, and saying those things to me was the easiest way he could think of to get me to leave. He has Asperger’s and so it made sense to me that he wouldn’t have been able to predict how much his actions would hurt me, and I felt guilty for breaking his heart by rejecting him.  I believed his explanation and forgave him, though we didn&#x27;t speak for months afterwards.
+
+I should never have spoken to him again after that incident, but due to my own stupid ideas about love, and my inability to stay mad at anyone I care about (as soon as I see someone is upset, my anger at them tends to just evaporate and I try to comfort them instead of being angry), we ended up briefly seeing each other/sleeping together for a couple weeks. At the end of it **he decided that he needed space and broke things off via text, telling me that I was too clingy and he didn&#x27;t have the motivation to deal with my problems or our relationship. This happened because I sent him a text asking him if he got home alright after a party, and because I mentioned feeling like he was hot and cold to me**. I was pretty devastated.
+
+I avoided him for a few months and dated someone else briefly, but we have so many mutual friends that when he struck up a friendly conversation with me months after the fact, I became friendly back. Eventually, we entered a friends with benefits situation (I thought I was over him, I was depressed and lonely, and sleeping with someone familiar made me feel good). After several months of us casually sleeping together and being on good terms, I had a night where I felt so depressed and suicidal that I feared I might hurt myself (I was living alone at the time). He had told me in the past that if I ever needed help, he would come to my aid, so I called him, and he said I could come over. He listened to me and held me all night, said I didn’t need to be embarrassed about feeling suicidal, and made me feel better. I ended up admitting to both him and myself that I still had feelings for him, but told him that I wasn&#x27;t trying to get back together and we could still be friends. I didn’t want to push him or come off as “too clingy”.
+
+He broke things off via text the next week or so. I was pretty upset but pretended not to be. **I had learned that sharing my feelings with him tended to wind up with me getting hurt**. I started seeing a therapist at this point, who encouraged me to tell him my feelings once and for all, and he could decide to get back together or not, but at least everything would be out on the table. So that&#x27;s what I did.
+
+I sent him a text calmly stating that my feelings hadn&#x27;t gone away and I realized I still loved him and would want to get back together if he did. But if he didn&#x27;t, I was going to avoid him for my own sake for a while, and that I wished him the best either way. **He responded that he wished me the best as well, but that nothing was going to happen between us. I said okay, and proceeded not to see him or speak to him for the next month.**
+
+Then I saw him at a mutual friend&#x27;s birthday party, and we were friendly, though I avoided him for most of the night. By the end of it, though, he had gotten very drunk and was throwing up in my friend&#x27;s backyard. I ended up taking care of him and feeding him water. I stopped avoiding him after that, and we were friendly with each other, although I did not come on to him at all. Finally, we all went to our separate areas to crash for the night, since we&#x27;d all been drinking.
+
+**He comes into my room and wakes me up, climbing into bed with me and saying all these things about how he enjoyed my company so much more than he thought he would, how he appreciated me taking care of him when he was drunk, how he missed seeing me, etc.** I practically started shaking because I was so happy that he came to me...I thought this meant we were going to finally get back together, what I had wanted for months. He also added that he didn&#x27;t want to promise anything because he didn&#x27;t know if things were going to work out. I didn&#x27;t care as long as we were going to give it an honest try. He let me hold him and tell him I love him and invited me back to his apartment. I told him that I could not be his fuck buddy anymore because I had feelings for him and it wasn&#x27;t good for my mental health, but that if he wanted to date me, we could do that. He said he understood, we ended up sleeping together twice, and he held me all night. I dropped him off the next morning, when he kissed me goodbye and said he&#x27;d call me.
+
+A week goes by with no call, no text, zero contact of any kind. The few mutual friends I talked to all speculated that he was probably using me for sex. I was heartbroken, devastated, beyond upset that he had hurt me like this again. I had always thought that the night in August had been a fluke, had been him snapping due to the emotional distress he had gone through because of our breakup. Instead, it appeared that he just didn&#x27;t care anymore about treating me with any respect, or even treating me like a human being. I didn&#x27;t contact him, didn’t want him to jump to the excuse that I was being clingy again.
+
+Then he shows up at my apartment for a mutual friend&#x27;s party that I was partially hosting and acts like nothing happened. When I finally confront him about it, he initially tries to brush me off by saying he just got a summer job and will be too busy for a relationship, but that &quot;we can have lunch&quot; sometime. When I call bullshit on that, **he ends up admitting that he doesn&#x27;t see the two of us dating again; he came to me the night of the party and told me all those sweet things because he was feeling lonely, and I had been nice and taken care of him while he was drunk.** I told him it was not permissible to use me as a comfort toy for the night when he knew I had feelings for him. He apologized and asked what he could do. I asked him to leave my apartment and the party, and he complied.
+
+Saw him again a couple days later at another mutual friend&#x27;s bday. I was very distant but by the end of the night, we had exchanged a few words and were tentatively friendly. He had seemed genuinely apologetic and upset when I had explained how his actions made me feel. He had assumed I had enjoyed the night as much as he had; I believed him again, because Asperger’s. I left on vacation to visit my family and felt okay about the whole thing.
+
+Fast forward a week, and I found out that he had posted something on Reddit about me back when we were friends with benefits. The sentiment behind his comment was that if he had known I was crazy before we started dating, he never would have &quot;stuck his dick in crazy.&quot;
+
+**I came to him for help when I was depressed and suicidal. And then I find out he&#x27;s been posting that I&#x27;m crazy on the internet and regrets us ever being together. While pretending to my face that we are on friendly terms, and in fact, continuing to &quot;put his dick in crazy&quot;, as we were FWB at the time it was posted!!!**
+I confronted him about it, and his response was &quot;that&#x27;s creepy&quot; and &quot;I don&#x27;t have the motivation to deal with this. Please leave me alone.&quot;
+
+I haven&#x27;t spoken to him since then, and I&#x27;ve been trying to avoid him, although we are in the same friend group so I basically have to choose between hanging out with my friends, and not seeing him. At least I no longer want to be with him. But I don&#x27;t know how to deal with this.
+
+I feel deceived, betrayed, manipulated, used...off and on for the past year. The reason I fell in love with him was because he used to be so caring to others and demonstrated a strict moral code. He took care of me and slept beside me while I was in the hospital. He dressed me and helped me when my hand was in a cast. He did sweet things like leave my favorite cookies on my desk. He always tried to work with me on our problems. We slept next to each other every night for over a year...I thought I was going to spend my life with this man. Then he turned out to be one of the most deceptive and cold people I&#x27;ve ever known. I know I hurt him, but I don&#x27;t feel like I deserve this.
+
+**I don&#x27;t know how I can trust anyone again if it turns out that I&#x27;m such an incredibly poor judge of character.** I feel dead inside. Theoretically, I want to fall in love again, but I don&#x27;t feel like I&#x27;m emotionally capable of it anymore. I feel like love is bullshit and get irrationally angry when I see it depicted in movies, TV, etc nowadays. I know that I will end up self sabotaging if I continue to feel this way. I&#x27;ve already gone from an occasional social drinker to smoking pot every day and drinking almost every day. I know it&#x27;s not a good habit but I want to stop hurting. And I know being jaded towards finding love turns out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I don&#x27;t know how to stop it.
+
+How can I find the courage to open myself up again to someone after this? How can I restore my faith in love, that going through all the heartache and bullshit and petty fights is worth it? How can I become happy again?
+
+edit: formatting
+
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/LifeAdvice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-10-17</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/comments/1g60286/how_do_i_f35_deal_with_my_mom_f56/" target="_blank" class="title">How do I f35 deal with my mom f56 ?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">
+This is gonna be a long story but I wanna give you as much of the picture as possible.  I don’t know if my mom has my best interests at heart. I feel thorned between loving my mom and being angry at her. And I felt this way for years.  I dont know if I can forgive if I have to go low contact or what. I don’t know if should trust her. And this are alwayss at the back of my mind.  My psychiatrist are unsure if I have borderline or just adhd plus cptsd and I have always felt so unsure and insecure not knowing what to believe. I don’t know if I can trust my fellings if i am overreacting ect. So i need some opinions here.
+
+Back in 2018 I got engaged. I broke the news to my mom. She waited a few days then tells me that she can’t be in the same wedding as my dad. When I pushed for an explanation why she said it was because my dad r*ped her and I am the result. I confronted my dad and he denied it. My moms story explains why my dad (m58) was distant during my upbringing. He did have me some weekends and holidays wasn’t there that much and also why cooperating and coparenting was so hard for them.  I was still was mad at mom for choosing this moment and time to tell me. Telling me earlier would have explained a lot more. Now a part of me, and I feel bad for this because I didn’t want to disbelieve her, thought seemed like my mom was doing this because she wanted to ruin my wedding? Again I felt guilty for thinking it.
+
+My grandma , my dad’s mom who don’t know what mom have accused him of, she told me that my mom had been much in love with my dad but maybe he didn’t love her back. I have wondered if my grandma thought mom was  tried to baby-trap dad by having me. This is all speculation but I do not put it beneath my dad that he could let my mom who was in love with him along just to get some and then dump her. And so my mom felt used, and rightly so, but thats not rape. In fact my dad told me that he got a new girlfriend kinda immediate after my mom. He said he broke up with my mom December 1th and had a new girlfriend New Year’s Eve. I am born in late august so I must have been conceived like right around the breakup. Oh and also when I didn’t react like my mom wanted upon she telling me about the rape she said her mother had told her the same ting about her father , meaning my mom also was a result of rape, and mom said that  she reacted in a much different (mening better) way because she was supporting my grandma. After my mom told me about the rape I told her I needed time by my self. She did not respect or understand that even when I try to tell her I wasn’t going no contact, i said to her it wasent me never speaking to her again I just needed some space. She couldn’t handle it. She was calling more than before and also calling my fiancé.
+
+My mom and stepdad (m58) was heavily against me doing therapy and mom was after massive asking and beeing unwilling coming with me to my therapist. Mom was all on the defensive and it did not work out well.
+
+Growing up my mom and stepdad could not be around my dad. Meaning no Christmas,  graduation or birthday did I get to have both my parents there.  I was wishing selveral times on these ocation to invite booth sides of my family but my mom and stepdad denied me. My parents did not talk to each other at all.
+
+ I was born to young parents who had broken up before I was born.  My mom was just 20 when she got pregnant. My dad have previously  told me mom told him she was pregnant when she was 3 months pregnant ( that is also the abortion limit here where I live l) Only time I know my parents has been in the the same room after I was born was my baptaising when I was 4 months old. I only know that because grandma have the pictures to prove it or I wouldn’t have believed it.
+
+Stepdad ask me at a really young age why I didnt  call him dad . I remember being confused because surely stepdad knew that I had a dad? And no he did not ask if he cold be my dad too just why I did not call him dad. As an adult  I learnt mom and stepdad  had asked my dad to let my stepdad adopt me and he said no.
+
+Anyway my mom have hugged me once that I can remember during my upbringing. I did not feelt loved by any of my parents or stepparents. Dident feel safe. Where my halfbrother had his own room my “room” was also stepdads office and storage. I identified heavily with Harry Potter sleeping in the broom closet. My other favourite childhood book was Mathilda by Roald Dahl who I also identified with.
+
+When I was 12 my stepdad and mom took me to sail around the world for a year . They never asked my dad. I was according to my dad the one to break the news to him that I was leaving the country for a year. My dad also left the country then and was gone for years after we got back so I felt like he abandoned me aswell. I was visiting him abroad but still rarely.
+
+Things I got from my dad mysteriously dissaperd at my mom’s house. Yet my brother got a lot more than me of material stuff because I got things from my dad. My brother had a big soft bed I sleepy on a hard old couch. When I was 13 the «family» ( meaning mom, stepdad, half-brother and I) moved house I wasent allowed to bring a drawer I got from my grandma on my dad’s side. My stepdad denied me..Stepdad also borrowed my radio to listen to as he paint in the new house at this time and I never got it back. I was 13. My stepdad and mom had that new house built but I still had office and storage in «my» room that didn’t really felt like mine just like in the old house.
+
+To mom’s defence she was an alone with her parents living far away when I was born and she was 21. Mom met stepmaskin when i was 8 months.  When I was 3 years old my halfbrother was born and he was really sick and in and out of hospital for years and we thought he might die. I know my mom have trauma from her upbringing aswell. I didn’t know my grandpa well but both my mom and her mother are pretty in unison that he wasn’t a nice person.
+
+My mom has always been extremely all or nothing. Growing up she either did every thing for me ( as in not guiding me or helling me but just had me out of the way so she could fix it for me) or dident care at all.  There was no middle ground. She is also very pessimistic and nervous something I and my half brother booth have inherited.
+
+If I try to talk to mom about this stuff and she starts crying . She will say she did as best as she could as a parent. My stepdad will tell me to apologise to my mom for making her cry and accusing them of stuff at this point . So it’s hard to talk about this.  I feel like my dad and mom wanna pretend everything is fine  I don’t wanna let them but as I just explained bringing it up spent do much good either. After the drama around my engagement in 2018 i rote a letter to mom and stepdad and the got store that i accused then of being bad parents when they did there best. So now i have contacts but I realt dont know how i should handle this. My feelings and thoughts around this is just a huge mess.
+
+What do I do reddit?
+
+If you by the end of this gonna ask if i am not angry at my dad I am. I am angry at my dad for not beeing there and even more angry at him if what my mom said about him is true and he r|ped my mom. But the not beeing there my dad and have been able to talk about and sort out. And I did confront him about that other thing and if I find  that he is the one lying here and not my mom I will have to consider my relationship with him. But I don’t have that close contact with that to begin with as I have with mom.
+
+Also i wanna mention my half siblings. My younger halfsister (f19) , dads other daughter, is studying psychology abroad and seem to be doing well. She is going places. My dad was there for her a lot more than he was for me, I think he realised som mistake his he did the first time around, and while part of me is jealous i am also happy for my sister. Younger halfbrother (m33), is my mom’s other child and he is a bag of low self esteem, depressed with no spine or currage and mom still treats him like a baby. My halfbrother lives in an apartment my stepdad inherit from his parents and  2 minutes drive from my mom’s house. Basically that appartment is just a fancy replacement my mom’s basment. My mom cleans his place follow him to doctors appointments and basically do anything for him. He was admitted to the psycward for a psychotic breakdown last year.  He have prior to that had a brain tumour removed. He does need some help but he is not so disabled as  my mom pretends. I dont want my mom to baby me as she does with my brother but she does not do anything for me at all when i have nerder help , thats the all or notting with my mom.  Mom and step dad are very controlling over him. I mention my halfsiblings on both sides because if they are any indication of who’s the better parent I think my dad.
+
+I was unsure if familyadvice or emotinal advice was most correct for this so if i used the wrong flair i am sorry. </div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/offmychest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-01-14</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/196qzsk/thank_you_for_judging_me_based_on_your/" target="_blank" class="title">Thank you for judging me based on your speculative presumptions about my emotional state</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Thanks for letting me know that me basking comfortably in the present moment is an astringent to your emotions.
+
+I especially like being told your opinions without any curiosity for my own.
+
+Thank you for assuming responsibility of a biological process that started long ago.
+
+Pain grows inside of my body, a place you somehow already call home.
+
+Then you try to mind my messes, while making more of your own.
+
+But my favorite part of all.
+
+Is when my boundaries became your enemy.
+
+Worthy of a direct offensive attack.
+
+&quot;But MY feelings!&quot; You cried as you continued to lambast my personal space, trying to get into parts of me I don&#x27;t want anyone near. I&#x27;d care about them more if they weren&#x27;t made from your own fear.
+
+*I let you in, now do the same for me.&#x27;* I hear your silent plea.
+
+I never asked you to compromise your values.
+
+I&#x27;d rather flee than continue to let you treat me.
+
+To a life of imprisonment in your Hallucinated happy family.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Backstory:
+
+I hooked up with a girl who wanted too much intimacy too quickly, she reminded me of several other horrible people in my life and it made me throw up a lot of boundaries. I tried subtle boundaries and redirects, I reassured her as well. I felt I was being gently and subtle but she kept demanding more emotional labor for feelings too strong to be connected to a single night. She kept pushing to connect and I told her I wasn&#x27;t interested anymore, and she made it seem like I was hurting her on purpose and that only her feelings mattered anymore, completely invalidating my feelings and assuming ill intent rather than considering she was making me uncomfortable by putting that much emotion on me. I have people do this a lot where I just say I like, or not like, or am interested, or am not interested in certain things and they take it super personally. I got yelled at for not liking mouthwash, a random book, and other random nitpicks on use of my language. I&#x27;m not talking big issues here. I&#x27;m also guilty of going off on people like this in the past and being a human as well I understand the roots, that&#x27;s how I know she was in the wrong.
+
+Hate to tell ya but I put up those boundaries to **act** on my feelings, not just feel them. I feel the need to do that, so how do you think I feel? Or do you not think about the other person at all until they&#x27;re crying, pleading, screaming on the floor just to ask for space?
+
+I will no longer engage with folks who weaponize their feelings, becoming a perpetual victim over hallucinated slights. If I don&#x27;t like a book or movie that you like it doesn&#x27;t mean I hate you. If I say I don&#x27;t like something, stop doing it to me. Is it that hard to engage in conversation about the best way for us to treat each other in lieu of the current offer? Belittling my boundary in order to get your way isn&#x27;t exactly attractive, it just pushes me away.
+
+I will also run from anyone who presumes my satisfaction with my present moment is some kind of judgement on them. I&#x27;ve noticed a trend of people in my life who presume silence = unhappy, judging, &#x27;in a mood.&#x27; Y&#x27;all are the most dangerous people on the planet. It&#x27;s insane that I am sitting neutral, reassuring sometimes even, only to be told I am upset or ignoring you for minding my business or telling you I&#x27;m not judging you right now. No explanation or apology can heal the wound made inside of you by someone else a long time ago, but you sure do make me try.
+
+I am sorry you are in pain and not happy with myself for hurting you but I also understand that I didn&#x27;t really do anything wrong, you hurt yourself with your own expectations, assumptions &amp; perspective on the situation by attaching preexisting conditions to the offer. Throw the projector out of your baggage and look at me for who I am. I&#x27;m just sitting here scrolling reddit with zero thoughts in my head, why are you trying to fight? I am done putting up a fight to defend myself, I will just leave from now on. I hate ghosting, I like to give people a chance, but cutting off my head to spite my mouth isn&#x27;t worth the risk.
+
+I&#x27;d like to tell the world that giving someone a boundary is an act of tenderness. If someone is giving you a boundary it is because they want to keep you in their life, not to push you away. Ask why. Why do they feel like that? How can I make them feel safer around me? What can I do to help them and be helped by them in return to make this a mutually satisfactory relationship? I&#x27;m plenty guilty of treating people this way, I have mastered the art of give and take. I used to run from the parts inside of others I hate in myself. Now I&#x27;m trying to run towards the parts I love. I know it hurts to see me move away from you, but if you want to join me I hope to see you at the end. </div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2023-02-23</div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/119v5wq/i_dont_know_how_to_title_this_but_i_need_to_vent/" target="_blank" class="title">I Don&#x27;t Know How to Title This But I Need To Vent About My Oldest Sister</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Before I get into the &quot;off my chest&quot; I need to provide some context and background on my family situation. (Sorry in advance if anything is spelled wrong, I&#x27;m writing this at 3 AM) also the events that lead up to this post started all the way back in 2019 when the context starts up until present day (2/23/23)
+
+***Context/Background***:
+
+My mom was a teen mom and had my oldest sister(27) at 17/18. My oldest sister grew up watching my mother struggle to provide and work through life as a young mother. Her father is kind of in the picture (she&#x27;s technically my haft sister, we have different dads but we&#x27;ve always considered each other full siblings) but I don&#x27;t fully know her relationship with her father, I do know that she only really talks to her father if she has to and she spends more time with his side rather than him.
+
+When my mom got with my dad which resulted in me and my twin, my sister had a hard time connecting with my dad due to how she viewed her dad at the time. I also know that something happened between my mom and dad to cause them to get a divorce (I don&#x27;t know the full reasons but I can guess it was because my dad had anger issues and violent tendences, I don&#x27;t know for sure and try not to think about it too much because my parents are on good terms right now and I don&#x27;t wanna ruin my view of my dad) but I know that my sister knows the reason why they got divorced. So in my opinion my sister is very wary to trust others.
+
+My sister also got married at an early age to what we(My family) would later learn was an asshole so that didn&#x27;t help her in learning to better trust people (again I don&#x27;t know full context but her Ex-husband used to be a family friend but burned all his bridges with us so we can only assume) but she ended up cheating on her Ex with current BF/Baby-daddy (Me and my family don&#x27;t really know her and BF&#x27;s full situationship right now, it&#x27;ll get explained)
+
+***The Story/Off My Chest (It&#x27;s very long, sorry)***:
+
+My sister got pregnant my sophomore year of high school, and I was so unbelievably excited and happy that I was going to be an aunt. It was quite literally the only thing I was excited about that year. everything (from my perspective) seemed amazing, my sister&#x27;s BF was happy and ecstatic and everyone in my family loves him and my sister (My family is a very open very welcoming family, all friends have always felt like family and my parents and step parent have made a point that anyone can call them for anything) so we welcomed sisters BF and the new baby excitedly.
+
+Then covid happened, my twin and I were stuck at home doing online school and babysitting our niece since at the time my sister and her BF lived a block away from us.
+
+One night Sister&#x27;s BF came over with Niece worried because he didn&#x27;t know where Sister was. He had been calling her and texting her but she ignored him, we later learned that Sister was out with her Friend(None of us in the family really care for this friend but Sister has been friends with this person since High School(Friend was also a teen mom and I feel my sister got a lot of her parent advice from this friend). My mom, my twin and I were listening to Sister&#x27;s BF talk about how worried he was, and learned that this wasn&#x27;t the first time that siter would disapear to hangout with firends and not respond to him. Then sister comes into the house drunk with Friend trailing behind. Sister starts yelling at BF and Friend tags in on the yelling and BF is holding Niece and she starts to cry (I don&#x27;t remember how old she was but it was under a year)
+
+Sister then screams &quot;Give me my daughter!&quot; and my mom tried to deescalate the situation but sister keeps yelling &quot;My daughter&#x27;s crying give her to me!&quot; and friend doesn&#x27;t help (I had a panic attack due to the yelling and had to leave halfway thought the fight and take time to myself in my room). As I&#x27;m in my room I hear Sister and Friend yelling at my mother how my mom doesn&#x27;t support/care for Nieces safety and how mom doesn&#x27;t love her which upset my mother and she asked sister to leave and said they could talk when she was sober.
+
+BF ended up taking Niece back to their place and Sister spends the night at Friends house(After my mom made sure she was okay, despite the fact that Sister and friend caused my mom to burst into tears), however my sister the whole time was begging my mom, step-dad, twin and I to go over and take BF&#x27;s guns (He&#x27;s a responsible gun owner, has a permit for all of his guns and keeps them in a safe/lockbox that is out of reach from their kids) so to put sister&#x27;s mind at ease, we all went over to check on BF and make sure he and Niece here okay.
+
+That was the very first incident.
+
+Over covid my Sister and her BF would stop by the house constantly to vent about the other, sister even spend the night with niece a few times (No one had ever told us the full story but my mother has always stated that the house/spare room is open if anyone needs it) over time Sister and BF moved into a new place and just after New Years they announced they were having another baby (From this point on I&#x27;ll be referencing my nieces as N1 and N2)
+
+N1 was just over a year old when we all found out about sister&#x27;s pregnancy. Once again we were all over the moon. N2 was born and right away Sister and BF were making comments about how easy of a baby N2 was compared to N1 in the first few months. Once again sister started to disappear to hangout with friends and not respond to BF.
+
+While I don&#x27;t have kids, I understand more than anyone when you need time to yourself to destress and relax and be an adult and not a parent. I know parenting is a very hard and often unappreciated job. However she would give a notice saying she was gonna be about for like 3 hour and be out for 6+ without a cutesy text of &quot;I&#x27;m gonna be out longer than I thought&quot; I under stand if sister was dealing with PPD and this was her way of cooping with it but I don&#x27;t know if she had PPD with both of her pregnancies, but the least she could have done was let someone know since BF would come over/call/text asking all of my family if we had heard from sister when we hadn&#x27;t.
+
+Sister got better after a while, then just before N1&#x27;s second birthday party she got a DUI and was in jail for the weekend(A lot happened in that weekend but I&#x27;ll spare you the details) Sister got interlock for her car and would time out when she could and couldn&#x27;t drink (which sometimes worked and sometimes didn&#x27;t) but Sister and BF had started looking at houses.
+
+Once they found a house, and my Mom and Step-dad helped them but a payment down (After my mom and Step-dad had already helped them out by bailing sister out of jail, and helping BF pay for a new car (just in case anyone was wondering, my mom works at a gas station and my step-dad at a cold storage warehouse))
+
+Just as quick as my mom and Step-dad gave Sister and BF money for the house, they broke up. for months we didn&#x27;t know what happened. Then I found out: I worked with my sister, she got my a job at her work at the start of covid. I had learned about my sister&#x27;s regular (Will be referred to as R) R and sister would hang out a lot when he came into our work and that&#x27;s how I and my family learned that sister had cheated with R.
+
+I know all of this sounds like I&#x27;m just airing out laundry and I am because I&#x27;ve dealt with the BS of this situation for 3 years now, but I&#x27;m also putting it in so you understand where I come from when writing this.
+
+For the longest time N1 would have freak outs over going back and forth with Sister and BF while N2 was still too young to know what was happening. But everything seemed fine with Sister and R being together and BF had started to look for someone as well.
+
+But my family noticed how sister was trying to shut BF out of our lives, my twin and I&#x27;s graduation party: BF and his Dad and Step-mom came and we were excited to have them there then sister showed up with R (she asked me if it was okay that he came(I said I didn&#x27;t care) but not twin(she did care))and basely forced BF and his family to leave with N1 and N2 after only being there for an our and a half (Just one instance)
+
+I suppose I had more insight to the situation at the time since I worked with my sister, then out work shut down and I stopped seeing her regularly. Maybe my family didn&#x27;t reach out to Sister enough to make sure she was okay and to see what was happening but anytime any of us tried she would never respond or just awkwardly brush it off.
+
+I feel like I&#x27;m making sister out to be the only one at fault and that&#x27;s not what I&#x27;m trying to do but BF would always just reach out to us to let us know what was going on in his life (his parents live out of state, we&#x27;re the only family near him) and this is the father of my Nieces I do was to have a good relationship with him since he&#x27;s going to be apart of the rest of my life whether I want him to be or not. Where as Sister wouldn&#x27;t tell my family anything, even me (We&#x27;ve always been the closest to each other, Even closer than me and my twin, she helped me with my mental issues and my sexuality and was the first person I ever came out too, she&#x27;s always helped me so much and I&#x27;ve always tried to do the same with her)
+
+In this time (after sister and I lost our jobs, sister got a new job) my Twin had been babysitting for Sister since the start of covid and had the agreement that Twin would get paid regularly to watch Nieces WHILE sister and BF where WORKING. Sometime in 2022, Sister started lying/exaggerating what she was doing in order to get my sister, me, my mom, or my grandmother to babysit. While Twin hadn&#x27;t been paid in months and if she was it was a &quot;daily&quot; amount rather than a &quot;weekly&quot; even though my Twin would be watching the girls during the day most of the week (BF works as a UPS driver, sister was between restaurant jobs)
+
+One day, sister claimed she had to work and would pick up the N1 and N2 (now two and one) later to got to the store. TWO hours past when she&#x27;s normally done, I understand having to work later however she never gave us an update saying &quot;Hey I&#x27;m gonna be working later&quot; (Working with sister as a server/Bartender I know what it&#x27;s like to have to stay later but it was afternoon turning night, it wasn&#x27;t even close to the time of dinner rush when she got off, but even during a rush you can still let someone know &quot;hey I need to text my babysitter to let them know I&#x27;m gonna be late&quot;) nothing until Twin asked what was happening with the Nieces.
+
+Sister said she had to go to dinner with her boss then a wine tasting. Mind you she still had Interlock in her car, meaning she wouldn&#x27;t have been able to drive to get her kids and wanted my mom to drive the girls home when she said she&#x27;d pick them up.
+
+I&#x27;d had enough (I help Twin babysit but it&#x27;s mostly just Twin) and Twin is nonconfrontational so I texted Sister a very long and detailed message about how unfair it is that she&#x27;s doing all of these things and not telling us when it affects us and our plans and how at her age she wasn&#x27;t watching Sister and I all the time and how she still got to go out and do things where as twin was essentially on call 24/7 weather she wanted to be or not since sister more or less started lying about what she was doing and where she was going.
+
+I told her that Twin was to watch the girls when her and BF were at WORK, not a dinner and wine tasting or to hang out with friends. She told us the hours she worked and I understand working a little later but it was 2 almost 3 hour past when we were told we&#x27;d be watching Nieces and how we expected her to be there when she got off work and how it was unfair to us.
+
+She couldn&#x27;t have told us sooner (Again it had been two coming up three hours since she&#x27;d gotten off of work at this point) and I will admit this was a low blow but I made a point of saying that BF always let us know when he&#x27;d be late or his route ran longer or made a point of asking us if it was okay that we watch N1 and N2 longer BEFORE he decided if he was going to go hang out.
+
+Sister sent back a very passive aggressive long response, guilt tripping Twin and I saying how she was doing two jobs for shit money and have no support (she had me, my sister, my mom, my grandma, my step-dad, my uncle) and how we watched them maybe twice a week(At the agreement she made with Twin it was twice a week but had grown and we would have to watch them unexpectedly bc Sister wouldn&#x27;t answer her door when BF would drop the Nieces off in the morning so he dropped them off with twin and I) she reiterated how Twin agreed to babysit when N1 was born and that she hadn&#x27;t paid Twin because she was &quot;only&quot; watching Nieces twice a week. She said that she was trying to get ahold of BF two get them (It was Sister&#x27;s night to have the girls so he didn&#x27;t thing he&#x27;d be needed to get them) and said it was totally fine for BF to skip out on have the girls but if she did it, it was a big deal (I can&#x27;t speak for when BF and sister would to trade offs but for me and Twin, BF always let us know when things were happening and if they were happening that he&#x27;d be late, etc.)
+
+Sister said that when she tried to update we would give her attitude and that we give her no support and that we were putting BF on a pedestal (I can see how it looks like that to her but he was just doing the basic curtesy and we ONLY got an update form her AFTER twin asked what was happening with N1 and N2)
+
+She then said she&#x27;d pick up the Nieces soon and that she&#x27;d have one less job and be unable to pay her rent.
+
+Twin and I then explained that if Sister said she&#x27;d be here at a certain time we expect her to be there at said time. Sister then said that she communicated the change in plans with us (Again only after Twin asked her what was happening)
+
+We ended up taking N1 and N2 out to our grandparents house (After telling Sister where to pick them up) and sister proceeded to call Grandma and rant about Twin and I while we were there and thankfully Grandma said &quot;They&#x27;re 18(Twin and I are now 19) did you want to be watching babies at their age?&quot; and calmed Sister down.
+
+The weeks after that were tense but we put up with it. We later found out that Sister resigned from one of her jobs in this big email that threw My family under the bus saying she had &quot;no reliable support system of childcare&quot; we learned about this email through a family friend&#x27;s sibling who worked with my sister at the job, to this day I don&#x27;t think sister knows that we know about this email.
+
+More time passes and I notice Sister started to wear this really nice ring on her ring finger and so I started to speculate that R had proposed to her because she would wear this ring with everything, sweat suits, comfy clothes, etc and she wouldn&#x27;t wear any other jewelry with it (I was right even thought my family didn&#x27;t thing so)
+
+And eventually things seemed fine, we all had a routine with each other of who would watch nieces and when.
+
+Then November of 2022, Sister and R brake up and BF and his partner at the time break up and Sister and BF start hanging out. After nearly two years. My family didn&#x27;t know what was happening but if Sister and BF were trying to work it out, we could only hope for a good outcome. (We don&#x27;t know what happened and we only learned that sister and R were engaged because Sister talked to my Aunt and said she had two engagement rings that she had to give back to R)
+
+Sister had moved in with BF and it was how it was before strangely peacefully, this seems bad but my family and I were/still are waiting for the other shoe to drop.
+
+I don&#x27;t know if all of these happened in the order I&#x27;m about to write because recently its all been a blur but as of last month (Jan 2023) Two main things have happened.
+
+1# Sister filed a restraining order against R (I only found out because I had to print the forms for her because her printer was out of ink)
+
+Next is what scared the shit out of me the most and is part of the reason why I&#x27;m venting/writing this post. Sister and BF had always said how N2(now 2) is so much easier to take care of than N1 (Now 4) and it&#x27;s often held against N1. Since N1 is 4 and often had tantrums BF and Sister will Raise their voice and get irritated at N1 when she doesn&#x27;t want to leave, put her shoes on, essentially when N1 is being &#x27;difficult&#x27; even though she&#x27;s 4.
+
+2# N1 had woken from a nap and didn&#x27;t want Sister to got to work so N1 when into Twin&#x27;s room (She often hangs out in there when she gets overwhelmed) Twin didn&#x27;t want her in the room at the time and was trying to get N1 out without causing her to throw a fit more than she already was. Sister while holding N2 then grabs N1 but the shirt and brings her out of Twins room and she starts screaming &quot;Leave me alone&quot; because she was scared that Mom just picked her up in a way that wasn&#x27;t really nice and that scared her and caused her to freak out more than she already was.
+
+at this point sister had already said when she got to the house that she was late for work (She seems to always be late, you&#x27;d think living half an hour away from the house and having two kids you&#x27;d learn to leave the house ealier than you need to (a conversation me, Twin, and my mom had since my mom had sister and me and Twin) but you&#x27;d thing since sister was late for work she would have just left and let Twin and I deal with N1.
+
+Nope, after grabbing N1 she &#x27;tried&#x27; to get her to calm down (I say tried but sister spoke very aggressively to N1, I understand not wanting to leave your kid upset but A) Sister was already very agitated that she was late B) the whole reason why Twin and I are there is to watch N1 and N2, go so you&#x27;re not late) but Sister proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs at N1 &quot;KNOCK IT OFF&quot; and then went over to the couch and aggressively laid N1 down and held her hands and loudly &quot;talked&quot; to her.
+
+Just before Sister yelled at N1 I was about to grab N1 from Sister and tell her to go to work but then she yelled at N1 and I froze and started to freak out and have a panic attack so I had to take a minute because I didn&#x27;t want to scare N1 by having her see me freak out (I had a panic attack and I wasn&#x27;t even the one who got yelled at so it Absolut breaks my heart to think how terrifying it must have been for N1)
+
+I don&#x27;t really remember what fully happened but Sister left for work and N1 eventually calmed down after Twin and I left her alone (It&#x27;s the only way she calms down after fits) and N1 was very quite the rest of the day and so Twin and I were very gentile with both girls (Because N2 is still too young to care/fully know what&#x27;s going on) we had a movie day and just were lazy and had a bunch of snacks.
+
+while playing with Twin, Twin told N1 that she was sorry Sister yelled at her and asked if she was okay, N1 didn&#x27;t really answer but she seemed fine and gave Twin and hug and then gave me a hug.
+
+Then later, we were all relaxing again watching YouTube kids (At the request of N1 while N2 napped) and a song about Mommies came on, and N1 started to try but was holding her breath (I knew she was doing it because growing up when I didn&#x27;t want to cry I would hold my breath too) and eventually she got up and asked Twin if she could go into her room and Twin said yes and she and N1 hung out in Twin&#x27;s room and I changed the video.
+
+Twin told me that N1 was distracting herself with things in twins room to stop her from crying.
+
+Once my mom got home from work I told her we needed to have a talk after the girls got picked up and when she asked why I just told her &quot;after the girls are picked up&quot;
+
+The Nieces got picked up later that night by BF and it was just my mom, my Twin and I in the living room when Twin and I told Mom what had happened, and I started crying as we explained it. I understand being stressed as a parent and having to work and being late, and having your Ex harass you/your family but the fact that you would full on scream at your kid over something as little.... I can&#x27;t further explain on that but you get my point hopefully.
+
+Mom, Twin and I all talked about how Sister still doesn&#x27;t really tell us anything (The only one she really talks to is my grandma) as well as how N1 is young but should probably be in therapy because
+
+A) she never got the sit down talk of &quot;You&#x27;re gonna be a big sister&quot; all she knows is that N2 showed up one day and she wasn&#x27;t getting as much attention. B) Mommy and Daddy fought... a lot. C) Mommy and Daddy didn&#x27;t live together and was going back and forth between Mom&#x27;s place, Dad&#x27;s place, Grandma&#x27;s place, and Great Grandma&#x27;s place. D) Mommy and Daddy are back together?
+
+BF and Sister wonder why N1 freaks out so much and doesn&#x27;t like it when they leave it&#x27;s because she already has the fear that she&#x27;s never gonna see them again/doesn&#x27;t know when she&#x27;ll see them again.
+
+We then came to the conclusion that BF, Sister, N1 and N2 should all be in family therapy if not for each other than at least to figure out how to deal with N1 when she had freak out instead of getting upset with her.
+
+We figured this out because Sister always tells N1 that if someone dose something she doesn&#x27;t like to say &quot;No Thank You&quot; and move away. However, whenever N1 says this to Sister and &quot;Leave me alone&quot; sister will get in her space when she freaks out. \*Cough\* hypocrite...
+
+but my mom said to tell Grandma about it since Grandma is the only person Sister is really sharing info with right now.
+
+At the time of writing this (Feb 2023) there haven&#x27;t been any indicines but whenever Sister picks up or drops off the girls I&#x27;m always afraid the events above will happen again.
+
+I know that I&#x27;m not a parent and can never understand the stress that BF and Sister are under as parents but there are times when they out loud ask why they&#x27;re parents and it takes everything in my to not yell at them &quot;If you weren&#x27;t ready for kids you shouldn&#x27;t have had them/gotten an abortion&quot; which is such a horrible wish because I love my Nieces more than the world and I would do anything for them at the drop of a hat but I wonder what happens when we&#x27;re not around.
+
+I wonder how much the Nieces deal with, and I wonder deep in my mind, would the Nieces/Sister/BF have been better off not being here? Because Twin and I know from first had experience the trauma that happens at early ages in life and what can come of them.
+
+I&#x27;m not trying to bash BF and Sister as parents but YOU decided to deal with this when you both chose to have N1 and further this when having N2.
+
+If you know me in real life and know who I&#x27;m talking about I don&#x27;t care. I&#x27;ve had it, I&#x27;m tired of venting to my friend about how stupid the situation is even thought they&#x27;ve heard it a million times over. Show it to Sister and BF, don&#x27;t show them.
+
+As of writing this it&#x27;s 5:10 AM and I really don&#x27;t care but at least now you have my side of the story.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/offmychest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2022-10-27</div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yeox4s/contemplating_cancer/" target="_blank" class="title">Contemplating Cancer.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Firstly, this is a burner acc, I don&#x27;t want this info linked to my original account. Secondly, I really just need a space to lay this out. Anyhow, so, I think I have cancer. No, I&#x27;m sure I&#x27;ve got cancer. I&#x27;ve got about 95% of the signs and symptoms. Most of the symptoms I&#x27;ve recognized suggests cancer in my reproductive system, I should mention that I am a female, 22 y/old, there are no signs of breast cancer. I&#x27;ve experienced specific signs for each of the 5 different types of reproductive cancers in females, weekly but not consistent pains/sensations in my ovary/fallopian tube/pelvic/vulva region. I get weird lower back pain sometimes and fleeting feelings of nausea. I urinate 2-3 times more than the average person, this started at 19. Sometimes there&#x27;s a slight painful sensation when urinating. I&#x27;ve always had irregular periods since i was 12. I&#x27;d skip about 3 months at a time and get it for 2-3 weeks. I used birth control for a bit, about 2 years ago, I now bleed more often but still skip a month or two and only bleed for a week. A few months ago I got my period twice in one month. I am also definitely infertile, no doubts and too much evidence. I&#x27;ve a BRCA gene mutation. My dad and grandma died from cancer. It&#x27;s definitely in my genes, I have 4 other siblings from my dad, one of us is bound to get cancer. I used to smoke cigarettes. I was a daily smoker for 9 years, I successfully quit a month ago. I&#x27;ve got HPV, or had, probably still have it. I self-diagnosed after considering the warts that congregated on my lady parts and my very active sex life involving multiple persons at a time when I was 18 turning 19. I used protection but there are various ways of std&#x27;s spreading besides PIV penetration. HPV is a high risk of cervical cancer and other types of cancer. Anyway, so now I don&#x27;t know what to do, I have a very different view of life and while I&#x27;m not depressed, miserable or suicidal, I do feel that death=freedom. I have no motivation for wanting to live, and not because my life sucks, I am actually quite happy. I have a calm life, no stress or hurt and I get to do what I want. I do not feel a need for anything, I have everything I need and want to be happy. I don&#x27;t desire a full life, I am beyond satisfied with the life I&#x27;ve lived because I&#x27;ve lived it to my standards so ultimately, it&#x27;s enough for me. I do not see the need to be trapped until I am 60-80 y/old. I&#x27;ve made peace with my inability to reproduce, I positively accept not wanting a family or a kid.  I have siblings i am close with. I exclude all my other family because family=maintenance and unnecessary energy and mind space wasted, same goes with friends. I am single, I know enough about relationships to know that it is a sacrifice of the self at the expense of love which i regard as an unreliable trade, one i don&#x27;t desire to make. I prefer my solitude and a safe space to think and process so I&#x27;m not at all socially active, besides reddit. I have no ambition/s, never have had, not that I don&#x27;t have the capacity, I studied for a while and I did/do well under pressure, but studying was not my choice, I was a puppet. I dropped out when I could, despite enjoying the knowledge I was acquiring. I prefer to have space to explore whatever interests me in the present moment. Also, if we are always growing and experiencing new things each day then what makes us happy should always be changing because our perception and understanding is always evolving so thus, my only ambition is to be happy, which I am. I have found immense pleasure in a life reduced to simplicity. I want nothing more than to have a 7-4 job that is not at all stressful, a income I am satisfied with, as little friends and family as necessary, not one thing that stresses me out, a safe space to think, no or very little exposure to the negativity of society and the ability to make my own decisions, all of which I have. We&#x27;re all held captive by our family, friends, society, religion, politics, our bodies and by ourselves, I have made most of the necessary changes to be as free as possible. I have a very limited responsibility to family with only 3 sisters that i actively maintain. I have 2 friends, one old and one new, I could live without them easily since i barely feel the need to be in contact with or see them frequently. I do what i can to remove myself from society as much as possible, i try to keep my views and opinions to myself and listen objectively, i also always challenge my views and opinions derived from society to establish my honest perception and not a secondhand perception. I disassociate from societal norms mostly and only follow them to blend in. I do not identify with any religious or political stands. My body i cannot be free of, but I do what I can to make this easier, i workout daily and I watch what i put into my body. Until I finish learning how to disassociate from my past and to extract the self from the circumstance, I will always be a prisoner of life. Of myself. I just feel like there is nothing more for me to live for besides more of what i already have. Even if i manage to disassociate, which i am finding a terrible but exciting challenge, what does that change? Sure, i won&#x27;t be a prisoner of my circumstances anymore but i will still be a prisoner of some sorts, held captive by the restriction of my body and this beautiful earth plagued by humanity. I prefer it to just all stop. I want complete freedom, the taste of it i have has helped me realize how much i really want this. Now, I&#x27;m not gonna kill myself but my reaction to my cancer speculation plays an important role. If i get tested, i do not want my life to be consumed by the worry of having cancer and treating it to avoid progression or death. I know cancer might be one of the worst things to have and die from, you fade out of life slowly and painfully, i&#x27;ve seen it enough to know how distasteful it is, because of this i have also found a way to comprehend it in a manner that makes it easier for me to accept it so i don&#x27;t fear dying from cancer, perhaps it&#x27;s my karma for the fucked up things i&#x27;ve done, i have a habit of befriending karma though, this also makes it easier for me to fathom having cancer. And if i do treat it, wtf am i treating it for, to live more of the life i am living, even though this life is a good life, i do not possess such greed. I also do not want to protest the natural order of things, we live and we die, the time period of this does not change anything as it all leads to the same thing. So now i am contemplating my next step in my cancer speculation; should i get tested and what will it really change.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/offmychest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2018-07-07</div>
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+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/8wqg7l/im_in_so_much_distress_after_what_happened_i_need/" target="_blank" class="title">I&#x27;m in so much distress after what happened. I need to be able to go back in time.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Unfortunately there are not a lot of places where I can post this on reddit without getting removed because of the content. I&#x27;m hoping I can gain clarity of my situation better and talk out my feelings.
+
+I&#x27;m in a very awkward situation and I&#x27;m really in shock about what&#x27;s happened in the last two days. I know you can&#x27;t tell me what someone else is feeling, but I&#x27;d like to get some clarity about my own feelings and from someone not going through this.
+
+For some background: I have known this person for over 10 years. He is an active military member. We do not live near each other since he lives in another state. During winter break, he came home for leave. He was married. A bunch of my friends were around and we all got drunk and had a great evening. That night, we hooked up. It was sort of surreal, since we had been friends for so long and didn&#x27;t realize that tension was there until afterward. From then on, for the rest of his leave we would meet up. He told me he was glad it happened and that he knew he needed to get divorced. On another night, after some drinking, we talked about &quot;what this is.&quot; obviously, he didn&#x27;t want any kind of relationship. I know that. But I still was upset because I just want feel loved again and he filled that void for me. It was exciting and it meant more to me than just sex. I felt stupid after that conversation and thought I could bury my feelings. He got divorced a couple of months ago, which I just learned. He does not communicate very much, or well.
+
+────────
+
+Some time later, I had been thinking about taking a trip with all of our friends somewhere new. We talked about it for a long time. My friends all bailed except for him. We thought it would be really fun for just us to go. So we did. Somehow, I thought maybe this might be more than just sex.
+
+I know he has been dating around between this time, and that makes sense since he just got divorced. He was, as my friend put it, &quot;on the tinder train in days&quot;. I would be lying if I said it didn&#x27;t bother me a little bit. I haven&#x27;t been with anyone else since I had been with him. Our mutual best friend has told me that he acts like he&#x27;s in a relationship with a girl only to bail or act like &quot;it&#x27;s not really a relationship&quot; when I told him this story. That he gets angry and hypersensitive when the girl becomes vocal about feelings or rightly expresses that what they are doing is more than just sex. (you don&#x27;t go on a 4 day trip with someone when it&#x27;s just sex do you?) This only is relevant because it seems to play into this idea of &quot;being in control&quot; and he made it a big point to bring up that I got upset in the next part.
+
+On day 1 of our trip, we had a great day walking around the city, and then we got pretty drunk in the night. I could sense his feelings were a little different from last time. You&#x27;d think after 6 months, as soon as we entered our room he&#x27;d be all over it right? He wasnt. I had to initiate and move things along. That&#x27;s ok, but not what I expected.
+
+We came back to our hotel after the night ended and had sex. I was very drunk, and I think he was too. I had at least 5 drinks that night and I am a small girl. I wasn&#x27;t aware of where we were walking and completely had trust in him to get us where we needed to be. I remember waking up feeling shitty and I didn&#x27;t remember everything that happened the night before. He acted extremely weird all day, he didn&#x27;t want to touch me and I asked him what was wrong. I noticed he didn&#x27;t say good morning to me, and he took a long shower. He didn&#x27;t want to talk about it.
+
+He later told me what happened when I asked again. He says that at the hotel, I raped him. He says that I was aggressive and he feels that he was raped. That if it were reversed, he would be in jail. I am in shock. I am in a sexual relationship with this person by nature, and I would never do anything harmful to him on purpose. I feel awful because I can&#x27;t remember exactly what happened. I know that we were having consensual, rough sex minutes before. I know he finished, and I didnt. I know that at one point I began crying because I think he choked me too hard. I had been feeling aches in my neck/shoulders for days. I think that I could have felt bad for crying, that I messed up the session and wanted to make him feel like we could keep going, but I&#x27;m not sure. I remember blowing him, wanting to make him feel good. And then feeling very frustrated because he didn&#x27;t seem into me, and I think those feelings were connected to previous conversations and earlier in the day. That he didn&#x27;t feel the same way about me as he did months earlier. At that point, I stopped, and we went to sleep. If he said &quot;no&quot; or &quot;stop&quot; I can&#x27;t remember that part. He also mentioned that I&#x27;ve been acting like we&#x27;re in a relationship, that he can do as he pleases, and that he was very bothered that I got upset at the bar and wouldn&#x27;t tell him what was wrong when he asked me. (I believe we were taking about our feelings, and I felt hurt that he could come all the way across the country with me and not feel anything towards me other than wanting sex)
+
+I have had it happen to me before, where I began crying during sex and then felt guilty about ruining the sex by crying, wanted to compensate. That its ok, we can continue. But being drunk, I couldn&#x27;t comprehend what was going on. It&#x27;s the only reason I can think of. I would never willfully rape someone. I can&#x27;t remember if I was really aggressive like he said that I was. I felt that that was the type of sex he wanted because that is what we were doing. If I had known he was uncomfortable, I would have stopped.
+
+Since he brought this up, I have been apologizing so much and trying to explain what a misunderstanding this is. But he says he feels he was raped. That he doesn&#x27;t know how to talk about it. And that he definitely doesnt want to talk to me about it. He&#x27;s the type that will keep everything inside. I feel like, given our relationship and sexual experiences, that this is being blown out of proportion - which I feel awful about saying because I don&#x27;t want to invalidate feelings. He has been pretending to be ok for the last day or so, but when night rolls around, he ignores me completely, raises his voice to me when I want to discuss it, and then roams the streets to do whatever while I am by myself in a hotel room of a strange city. I am trying to give him space.
+
+I can&#x27;t eat, and I feel sick about this. I have lost a good friend, I&#x27;m confused, and in shock that this could even happen. I sent him a long message explaining how I care about him, that he is free to do what he likes and that I understand we aren&#x27;t in a relationship. That I know to give him space. He says that regardless of my feelings it still happened and I can&#x27;t take it back. i can apologize and apologize again, but that I think it might be best for me to go home. We both spent alot of money to be here, he says he is going to stay until his flight out. I decided to have the hotel get me my own room. I didn&#x27;t tell him this. He has not spoken to me. He doesn&#x27;t seem to care one ounce about how I feel about this. If he feels how he feels, I suppose that makes sense, but given how long we have been friends, I feel that I wouldn&#x27;t have reacted this way. I just got home from the airport because I don&#x27;t want to be alone in a strange city for another week. I told my parents, and a mutual best friend about what happened and they all are saying there&#x27;s probably something more going on that I don&#x27;t see. That something just seems off, given his recent life changes and dating situation.
+
+Is it possible there is something going on that doesn&#x27;t have to do with me? He buries himself in his phone and has been messaging other friends and women all day long, even though I have expressed how rude this is. This all feels so extreme to me. I&#x27;m finding it hard to come to terms with the idea that this really could have happened. I don&#x27;t want to invalidate someone else&#x27;s feelings or someone&#x27;s trauma either. And I know speculating doesn&#x27;t fix the situation at all.
+
+I am so guilt-ridden about something that I don&#x27;t even know if I did. I have lost a very good friend. I can&#x27;t cope with the idea that I could have raped someone albeit someone I care so much about. I feel that we were both very drunk, and in a sexual relationship. I truly thought that what we were doing was consensual and that nothing I was doing was out of the norm. I keep going over it in my head to piece the night together but parts just aren&#x27;t coming back. It makes me sick to think we may never speak again, and I can&#x27;t stop crying about this. I miss him, I feel sad that he feels this way, and that he is likely repulsed by me. I am in complete disbelief.
+
+This has made me reconsider how I get consent from partners and I don&#x27;t feel safe drinking like this in this context anymore. I think I need to speak with a therapist about this. I tried the RAINN chat which showed me how to find one, and some other resources but i still feel helpless.
+
+I hope I can feel better about this soon, but all I want to do is sleep the day away, delete social media and be in my hole.
+
+TLDR; I (25F) went on a vacation with a good friend and fwb (25M). We had drunk sex. He feels I raped him.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/offmychest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2017-10-12</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/75v0f6/im_in_a_dead_end_relationship_moving_and_feel/" target="_blank" class="title">i&#x27;m in a dead end relationship, moving, and feel like a failure. send advice?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">advice is welcome. I just really need a friend right now since mine are busy.
+I&#x27;ve been in a relationship for 2.5 years at the start it was great up until the 8 month mark. he started seeing his friends, pushing me away, name calling, and started behavior that is what a lot of people call &quot;gas lighting&quot;. tried breaking up back then but we got back together. in the meantime, i was studying at a school i absolutely hated. my parents would not let me transfer and i did not have the financial resources/car to transfer. basically i ended up 1 class short of official graduation &amp; was able to finally transfer to a school that i did like, w/ the major that I finally wanted. within the next few months ill have both degrees and then will hopefully start work / masters program. so after getting back together things were better for a bit, we tried to work on the relationship. i noticed despite the changes to my life i still didn&#x27;t feel happy or anywhere near satisfied. after my 1st school, i had also moved back to my parents house since i was able to commute from there to my new (and current school). living at home only lasted a few months, my mom basically had a midlife crisis, divorced my father, and rearranged the house to let in her low life boyfriend. being a small house, and my sister a slob who hordes clothes and junk, i was sleeping on the floor. they had gotten rid of my bed and other furniture a few years before this and given me a blow up mattress. but there was no room to blow it up after her bf moved in and she switched up all the bedrooms. that&#x27;s when i pretty much moved in with my boyfriend, it was nice at first to have a better environment free of the yelling and family drama. i really liked it. however, he didn&#x27;t like it and was yelling at me at 1st telling me i need to get out, he needs his space. i packed my bag, phoned my parents, and went to leave. as i went for the door he begged me to stay, saying its good for me to be with him &amp; that it&#x27;ll be good for our relationship. i stayed. things go okay then, we help each other cook, clean, and watch tv together. i&#x27;m on top of my school work, getting really great grades, and really liked the more positive environement. i loved being able to sleep next to him, cuddle him, and being able to have friends over/ stay up late/ socially drink without getting yelled at by parents. but, i also started to really get to know my boyfriend. it turns out he is not who he says he was, &amp; i know I&#x27;m not either. you really get to see a persons true self when you live together. while i may feel like a failure (still) for transfering schools &amp;now doing what i love (even though it means another year until i can grad and start working w my degrees), I am highly motivated. I want to better myself,a job, and good grades. I want happy life. I stay up every night and always put in the extra mile. I work extra hours so I can pay the tuition. I love going out and seeing my friends, even though I cannot afford much, I even just like going on a walk or a little drive. Here&#x27;s his thing: he likes to sit at home everyday and just play video games, nap for hours, &amp; smoke. On nice days I suggest going to the park or out for a walk and he never goes. I ask if he wants to do anything or has any ideas and he says no, he just wants to watch netflix or play the video games. When we are home, he started doing this thing where he won&#x27;t say more than a few words to me. &quot;yeah&quot; and &quot;okay&quot; are his typical answers. I try to make conversations about different things but he never seems that interested and it always ends up with me just doing the talking because he doesn&#x27;t talk! now i dont say much to him, i text my friends and stay up late posting on reddit feeling like a lonely loser! fast forward to last summer: a huge incident went down where he invited &quot;becky&quot; over to his place alone, becky has always romantically liked him. he was over 2.5 hours late, made excuses for her, and gave me an attitude to call and make sure he was okay considering the lateness. when he finally came to pick me up, i tried to just say hey is everything alright? he had a major attitude with me and started yelling at me. when i questioned him about it being so late and brought up how it seemed weird he was with becky alone, he started screaming at me and defending her more, with all sorts of ridiculous excuses like &quot;she&#x27;s religious and in her 30s but still a virgin&quot;. i started crying saying how could he do this to me,&amp; that the way he&#x27;s handling it&amp; the whole situation seems like cheating. i ended up going home, sleeping on the couch. by the time morning came, my whole family knew what happened. they insisted he cheated&amp; speculated it wasnt the 1st time. fast forward 2weeks &amp; i moved back in w him, back together. then he ends up (legitimately) visiting his family on the other side of the US for a month. i didn&#x27;t know why but I guess i was super attached because I missed him like crazy. he came home and school was in session before we knew it. things were okay, we didn&#x27;t fight but just became sort of distant, he was back to the smoking, netflix and tv. he didn&#x27;t seem too interested in school work, while i always spend a few hours on it every day (we are both full time students). i started asking about different things to go out to but yet again he didn&#x27;t seem interested inn anything unless it involved spending $50+ to get into &amp;solid hour of driving (things i can&#x27;t afford). however, i had gained some weight since the start of the relationship. mostly from all the sitting on my butt and schoolwork, so i have been eating healthier and doing some exercise. I&#x27;m toning up and seeing some improvements, but it seems like these things take time for lasting results. he started pressuring me about the gym. everyday one of the first things he says is when are we going to the gym. when we do go he works out so hard he can barely even stand up afterwards, he actually gets sick after then too. his intensity doesn&#x27;t seem healthy. during this time i noticed that he hasn&#x27;t been saying anything about becky. i bluffed one time and said hey how is becky has she been wanting to hangout? he said yeah we talked a bit&amp; she invites me to a bunch of stuff but i haven&#x27;t gone. nonchalantly i tell him, you should invite her to a movie night w our mutual friends or we could all go out. No he says she wouldn&#x27;t like that, explains that she doesn&#x27;t like any of our mutual friends. A few days earlier he had told me that he hasn&#x27;t spoken to her at all. i guess i caught a lie? so later that night after we talked about him inviting becky to things with our friends, he&#x27;s fast asleep &amp; i look thru his phone. amazingly, i found some of becky messages. she had asked him to hangout 2x. he says no i can&#x27;t I&#x27;m busy all in 1 message that&#x27;s it. no other conversations / texts besides those brief hangout &amp; declines. seems odd the conversations were so short. she also used to be very active on his social media always posting commenting &amp; since the summer incident she ghosted. no likes, comments&amp; not that many of her own posts. i know its super easy to delete texts&amp; change social media settings so certain people can&#x27;t see. i have no actual proof of cheating, just a bad gut feeling that was there in summer and now back. well its still the fall semester&amp; the most recent thing started happening is how he has 10am classes&amp; has started leaving at 6or 7am every day. claims its &quot;to get work done&quot; before class but it seems weird. i notice some days its an extra hour or 2 after when he would come home. when i was like hey you&#x27;re home later he was real quiet (surprise ha)&amp; said &quot;i went to the gym&quot; i didn&#x27;t push him further happened other days&amp; same 1liner of &quot;i stayed to study&quot; haha okay. so thats the current situation. on top of it he&#x27;s graduating and has applied to masters programs. he got accepted to one thats an 8hr drive away. it starts in feb, and right now its halfway through oct. he wants me to come with him when he moves. I&#x27;m torn. i can&#x27;t afford to live on my own or even with a roommate, so if i stay here i would have to move back with my mom or other relatives (who would gladly take me). the other plus is that I&#x27;ve lived in this area all my life i know it well, but the jobs here pay awfully, the cost of living is horribly high, and there aren&#x27;t many opportunities for what I&#x27;m going for. i would need to move when i get a masters in like the next 3.5 years or sooner anyways. plus my family would help me with groceries and more expenses if i did move home, and right now groceries and living expenses eat up a lot of my work money. I&#x27;m also super attached to him for some reason i really do love him but know he&#x27;s not the 1 for me. we don&#x27;t have the same interests or motivations, we are both so bored. we don&#x27;t even have sex anymore and when we do he doesn&#x27;t satisfy me, i tell him and he doesn&#x27;t even listen or make an effort. on the flipside, i still love him i guess its just not a sexual love. moving w him though would probably give me much better internship and career opportunities, I&#x27;ve always wanted to move away eventually, but at the same time its really far and if he did cheat I&#x27;m sure he will cheat again. but living with family would also mean that id loose all my freedom, they&#x27;re all super religious and weird about alcohol. id never be able to sleep in. always have to go to church services, wouldn&#x27;t be able to have friends over, drink, or have privacy. it&#x27;d be a hard adjustment. honestly I&#x27;m not even sure i could move. since its out of state that means my tuition rate will also be and go up even more! i can barely pay it now so theres no way i could afford the out of state rates. to make it more complicated my parents don&#x27;t support me at all in school, they are both trying to convince me to drop out and go work minimum wage at a grocery instead. ugh. i need a masters degree&amp; salary that i can live off of. plus I&#x27;m horrible for saying this but i just met this guy (one of his old classmates we ran into) and i legitimately think i fell in love at first sight. just looking at him and briefly having the pleasure of him talking to me and my bf made me realize there really are other guys out there, more motivated, passionate people who are fun loving and want to go do things. people that hold conversations. he is single too. even if i became single, i never could have that boy. I&#x27;m still chubby, hate myself daily, and feel like a massive failure. i dont think I&#x27;m attractive at all and think I&#x27;m a boring person. my bf always tells me i have no friends and i feel that way too. i just feel so stuck. i know i need to dump him, and that he probably did cheat, i know i need to bite the bullet and move home just suck it up, and i know moving that far with my current bf will just prolong the staleness. but its just so hard to let go. i feel like he was the only one really there when things were all a mess with my school and family. if you were me, what would you honestly do?</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/offmychest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2012-11-16</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13br4t/two_years_on/" target="_blank" class="title">Two years on</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Thank you for providing a space to vent. I wasn’t sure whether to put this in r/breakups, r/advice or r/confession, but it fits here. I can’t talk about this with my friends, and I sure as hell can’t tell my girlfriend, so I appreciate having this sub even if only one person reads this.
+
+-------------------------------------
+
+I can’t get my ex-girlfriend off my mind. Two years on I still have a ton of unresolved feelings and questions that I never got to ask. I don’t believe in stuff like ‘the one,’ or soulmates or anything, but so far she’s the closest thing.
+
+We met when we were teenagers. She excited me like no-one before or since. I was deep in depression and she was badly anorexic, so that excitement was a big deal for both of us. We got each other. We were both ill, fighting to get out of our own private hells. We *empathized* at a time when neither of us thought that was possible.
+
+Wind forward three years, and we’re both doing much better, both going to good schools pretty close to one another. We both still had some issues, but things like that don’t just go away overnight, so the fact that we were being productive and responsible for ourselves was huge.
+
+I was walking to class one morning and this song we always listened to came on my ipod. I thought of her and called her to see how she was doing. She wasn’t doing well, hardly said a word, and sounded as low as I’d ever heard her. Turns out she got drunk the night before and slept with someone else.
+
+Looking back I feel my reaction was both really fucking stupid and totally justified. I didn’t get mad or yell at her – I ascertained that it was consensual and I broke up with her.
+
+Why it was stupid: because one drunken mistake shouldn’t spell the end of something like that. Everybody makes mistakes, I sure as hell have, and I don’t think it’s unforgivable.
+
+Why it was justified: I would do anything to avoid falling back into depression. To this day I’m convinced that I would have done so had I stuck with her.
+
+I emailed her six weeks after to say that we should meet up and talk things through, not to get back together, but to clear things up. I was still angry and hurt, but I wanted her to know that I didn’t hate her and that I was going to be alright. I never heard back. Her mum sent me a message saying that she would contact me ‘when she was ready.’
+
+Two years on, I’m still waiting. I’m with someone that I really love, but I still can’t get over the feeling that one day she’ll be ready and I’ll get that email. I won’t. I know it but I can’t get myself to believe it.
+
+I’m stuck. Two years is a long time, and by rights I should be over her by now. I’m scared that if I contact her all those feelings (good and bad) will rear up again. I’m scared that if I don’t I’ll keep on speculating and regretting. My current girlfriend would be totally fine with me getting back in touch with her (I think she’d positively encourage it) but would not be fine with my still being so emotionally invested.
+
+The worst thing is not even knowing if she wants to hear from me. What if I do email her and it sets her off? I feel so stupid even typing that, but I have no idea what kind of mental place she’s in. I don’t know how these two years have gone for her. I really wish I did.
+
+-------------------------------------
+
+Thanks for reading, I appreciate it. Even writing that was cathartic. I guess that a lot of people go through very similar things. The best thing about reddit (and this sub in particular) is that whatever you&#x27;re feeling, someone can empathize. That&#x27;s an amazing thing when you feel like you&#x27;re alone.</div>
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+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Vent</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2022-02-07</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/comments/smi8c0/twitter_is_such_a_depressing_and_heartless_place/" target="_blank" class="title">Twitter is such a depressing and heartless place</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Blocked Twitter again on my phone because I noticed it was frustrating me way more than I needed to be. It&#x27;s like the Morality Olympics on there. Every day, every few hours, there&#x27;s a new scandal, a new person to hate, and if you say anything about them other than how evil they are, you get piled. I&#x27;m firmly left in my politics but I&#x27;m sure there are plenty of things I think that would get me dragged, just like everyone else. What made me quit this time was the drama about Awkwafina using a Blaccent and being famous while doing so. Yeah, people shouldn&#x27;t do racially charged voices, but I don&#x27;t want to hear from hundreds of people how much they hate her and have always hated her and how terrible of a person she is and so on and so forth. I GET IT NOW SHUT UP. Screaming at people is a sport there.
+
+Twitter is like if you just read Reddit drama threads all day. Exhausting, pointless, overwhelming. And it never gets any better. There are a handful of jokes, a handful of daily topics, and everyone repeats them in a massive loop until the new ones gradually replace the old ones. I hate it. It makes me a worse person just scrolling for a bit.
+
+I like that Reddit&#x27;s mostly anonymous, because if someone goes around spewing hate speech they generally get banned in subs I participate in and I never have to think about them again. There aren&#x27;t people here to hyperfocus on and talk about how bad they are specifically for days. They get brushed to the side and ignored, and regular content resumes. Reddit feels more human to me, despite the anonymity. Most people in the subs I frequent are just normal people. We don&#x27;t usually sift through each others&#x27; posts looking for moral failings, we don&#x27;t spread rumors and speculate endlessly, we simply report despicable behavior when we see it and move on.
+
+I think that paying too much attention to bad people (or normal people with undeveloped/bad opinions) is very unhealthy. Letting them take up too much space in your mind is unhealthy. I imagine Twitter as a line of people waiting their turn to scream in the face of the &#x27;villain of the day&#x27;, to tell them how worthless they are. Because it&#x27;s fun. Because they&#x27;re glad it&#x27;s not them. What good does that do?
+
+Thanks for reading. I feel gross.</div>
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+
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+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/self</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-07-24</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1eau7e9/1143_deep_breath_in/" target="_blank" class="title">[1143] Deep Breath In</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Ok, I’ve tried to ride it out, but shit isn’t passing.
+
+
+ Around 3 PM, I got a very, it would be comically sad, email with [insert client name] not even auto-filled with my name to be rejected for a job. This is boring by itself. But, I’ve worked for the state of Indiana before, and this job would have been in the Monroe County Jail. I’m speculating, but I think someone, somewhere, has marked my file in a way that prevents me from working for the State anymore.
+
+
+ Why do I think this? Well, it’s recently prevented me from even volunteering to be part of CASA because, “My testimony would be in question” given my voiced disapproval for what I witnessed and was subjected to as a DCS assessor. Who cares how engaging, insightful, and meaningfully contributing I was? Who cares if I was actually fucking correct in my concerns and had genuinely exhausted my options?
+
+
+ Let me be extremely clear for the stranger on the street. I’ve committed no crimes. I’ve threatened nobody. I’ve never violated a policy. I’ve never even cussed-out a supervisor. I’ve never raised my voice.
+
+
+ I wrote a letter. I was in direct communication with the head of Indiana’s DCS, we had lunch once, for months. I was sharing concerns in a deliberate and respectful manner with management up and down the chain for months. What did I get? An extreme cunt supervisor, a complicit boss above her, and broader DCS regional apparatus situated directly against me when I finally broke and wrote my letter. [Naturally, it got passed around beyond who it was sent to.](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1eau7xv/fuck_the_indiana_department_of_child_services/)
+
+
+ I wrote about specific examples of negligence. We’re talking life and death levels of disregard. I’m not complaining that the storage closet is out of pencils. I’m upset that you’re directing me to bring police into environments that don’t require it, tell parents to escalate the drama in their home after they’ve reached out for help, or make up and over-hype allegations to paint a damming picture that doesn’t exist.
+
+
+ From that point on, I made the enemies list. I attempted to start my own casework company and get contracted. The people we talked to said a dozen times “Oh my God! That’s so good, we need providers! We’re lacking so many resources!” The day before we were to get a contract? Radio silence. Flooded with new paperwork and expectations and told to bid against multi-million dollar cabals that monopolize the service space. I think Laura, specifically, accounts for that.
+
+
+ The lies and slander Natalie was willing to put into my mid-term review I’m sure flag my state profile in some kind of way. Natalie who I worked under for 2 fucking weeks, who was allowed to “evaluate” me at the end of my 2 year rope of service in that role instead of my actual fucking supervisor who I never had even a hiccup with.
+
+
+ You can make the argument that I eventually threw all “professional” respect out the window, and you would be nominally correct. What you’ll have a hard time answering more completely and comprehensively is what the fuck else I was supposed to do. You won’t find me unjust in my outrage at their behavior, lack of response, and then targeting of me unless you’re built like them. I don’t think you need any particular sympathy for anyone who gets embroiled with the State to not what someone with the power to break up your family to do so in a consciously deliberate and malicious way.
+
+
+ One of my supervisors argued we’re worse than the police; we won’t just shoot you, we’ll drag you through hell and make you dance for us as we leverage your children.
+
+
+ That brings us back to today. I don’t want to work in a prison environment again. I would have found a way to put up with it for $37 an hour. I would want to be rejected from that role because I was unqualified or unfit or unreasonable. Because I’m being haunted by negligent Mean Girls shit? This brings up my existential anxiety about the absurd conditions I’m trying to operate under altogether.
+
+
+ I’ve mellowed considerably in my ambition and feverish drive to set examples and do the vague outlandish goals I set for myself as a younger person. What does mellow look like? Continuing to develop my house, go to 2-5 shows a week, watch all of TV, and now begin learning how to record music. I’m not too old. I’m not too tired. I’m not just so outraged and exhausted by how fucking stupid everything is to self-destruct. But my fucking god, people. It shouldn’t be this hard.
+
+
+ I’ve got an interview tomorrow (well, later today) for a job that won’t call itself a job, requires an hour commute, and would pay me approximately $400 a month after bills and gas. It’d be on par with plasma donation before those cash cows got stingy.
+
+
+ I reflexively, now, pivot to the conversation about how much bigger the world is than these petty bitches and this kind of bullshit, but I’m not sure it is. I think part of the reason I, if not us all, suffer this kind of posture indefinitely is because it’s baked in. It breeds and morphs and manifests until it’s the self-justified norm. It’s hard not to see things through the analogy of addiction having been counseling people the last couple years. The universal drug is self-righteous bullshit, and far too many are huffing away.
+
+
+ Happy birthday to me.</div>
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+
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/self</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-04-20</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1c8j2c8/1121_the_friendly_ghost/" target="_blank" class="title">[1121] The Friendly Ghost</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Today feels like a day that could be described as &quot;crazy-making.&quot;
+
+
+ Am I sick, hurt, or otherwise dramatically impaired? No. There&#x27;s been a theme and a confluence of forces though. Let&#x27;s go.
+
+
+ This week, literally everyone has canceled on me. For work, for fun, for things I was anticipating to use to feel useful and good. I spend pretty much all of my time alone, talking to no one, blazing through TV, playing my instruments, reading, or getting myself into some trouble playing with something I shouldn&#x27;t because I can&#x27;t stand feeling idle and useless anymore.
+
+
+ I lay this at no one&#x27;s feet. I could, theoretically more than practically, invest a considerable amount of time attempting to connect to other people, organizations, or things to do so I don&#x27;t feel as reliant upon others and their consistency or capacity to manage. And, in fact, that&#x27;s what I&#x27;ve done in getting started with CASA, and hopefully seeing that spin-off into more first-hand interactions with clients, other volunteers, and the inevitable messes that will bring.
+
+
+ First, one of my attempted hires to fundraise ignores my outreach. I thought she was on the verge of stealing $1,200, tracked her down, got a brief invitation to her life&#x27;s blow-up, and she&#x27;s since refunded $500, on what she&#x27;s proposed is a schedule to refund the whole on her paydays. In the meantime, I patiently idle and refrain from catastrophizing her silence, and now 6th missed scheduled discussion, and who knows how many ignored texts.
+
+
+ Ok. I got an early text that client 1&#x27;s phone is broken and needs to be rescheduled. I attempt to call client 2 around our meeting time, no response. I text if they are okay. I get a &quot;Not at all, can we talk later today?&quot; I text later in the day, no response. That whole day was designed around another person supposed to come out and talk about plans to upgrade my space. They had other life complications with family illness to deal with, so the project lingers.
+
+
+ I&#x27;m left with more idle time. We need to be incredibly clear that whatever I feel about that time, it&#x27;s not being laid at the feet of &quot;everyone&quot; or anyone I refer to. I do not blame a single person ever for focusing on their sick loved ones or deprioritizing whatever we had planned.
+
+
+ I proceed to go about my days. I go to the symphony for the live music playing of Star Wars as the movie runs. An entire section of kids talked, crinkled pop cans, and just generally made it about them for the entire film. No usher told them to shut up. No seething patron closer to them said anything. They just took what could have been a pretty straightforward enjoyable experience, and my inability to mute them turns them into a few aggrieved lines in another bitching blog.
+
+
+ Before the show, I walked around the continues-to-be-miserable city a bit. There&#x27;s &quot;cowboy&quot; bars with country music that mostly surround the symphony. There&#x27;s healthy servings of homeless people ranging from decently aggressively shouting to sleeping in places it&#x27;s hard to tell if they&#x27;ve closed early or closed permanently. At one point, I&#x27;m almost certain a dude was following me. I&#x27;m in a &quot;major&quot; city, wandering, feeling isolated and arbitrary, and oh, look, there was also a pro-Palestine protest on the circle where they&#x27;re screaming an anti-semitic chant and parroting empty party lines.
+
+
+ On the ride to the city, I was listening to some of Peter Boghossian&#x27;s videos. He&#x27;s known for setting up hot-button questions and agree/disagree lines he asks people to stand on and defend their position. He&#x27;s, in a world that made sense, simply trying to remind people that we&#x27;re here to engage ideas and should have a remote sense of what we&#x27;re talking about or what might change our minds. Overwhelmingly, the people who brave his exercises are not that articulate, nor claim they can be moved, at least in the moment.
+
+
+ I&#x27;m now back home, where a comment I wrote on, arguably one of the worst places on the internet, reddit, was removed because I described getting into a &quot;pissing match&quot; in a comment to another person who was asking for feedback on what people might want in a new TV-related website. The term, in and of itself, I was told is the #1 rule that&#x27;s not allowed and the person wrote &quot;p - - - ing&quot; like that as though it&#x27;s particularly aggressive language or like I said, &quot;I&#x27;ll piss in your face, cunt!&quot;
+
+
+ It just echoes that ideological capture and perverse power dynamics that I feel plague pretty much every level of my experience.
+
+
+ I know, as much as I know anything, that no one holding a sign on that boring and sad circle is persuadable. I know that no elderly usher at the symphony feels they are obligated and empowered to insist and correct inappropriate behavior. I know those who are eager to belong, be it through their status as a victim or the oppressed, are going to die on a hill that transcends parody when mocked up against real life. I know that my clients who cancel have a vastly different concept of &quot;get better&quot; than I do. I know the &quot;innocent enough&quot; obligations and life circumstances that relegate time someone might spend with me to be practically incidental.
+
+
+ I also know that I feel that I need to escape this overwhelming belief that I can&#x27;t trust or look forward to things. It&#x27;s a feeling that stifles my capacity to invest both in myself and in what I can only speculate others get to feel for what&#x27;s captured them. I don&#x27;t believe it&#x27;s worth it, whatever &quot;it&quot; might be, that I&#x27;m going to plan, try, or work on for more than a day or so. It&#x27;s a hollowness that haunts whatever I might do to prepare, or when I stifle one thing and rearrange another, trying to be there and be present and not suck you into this ever-hollowing sense. I can&#x27;t fill it with the manufactured drama and concern that appears to fuel so much of other people&#x27;s experience.
+
+
+ Whatever I do or think I can create, I can&#x27;t erase the context I&#x27;m working within. The world&#x27;s best talker in a country where they don&#x27;t speak the language is flirting with homelessness and starvation. The shared values and understanding that comes with an ongoing relationship or dynamic of cultural expressions and sets of experiences I just don&#x27;t really have. It&#x27;s not &quot;never,&quot; but is 6-10 times a year I might get to spend time with my dad or a friend doing something fun count as the kind of fabric I&#x27;m trying to weave?
+
+
+ I&#x27;m like a ghost. I feel like I just kind of haunt things or memories. You have to think, I&#x27;m drawing on my experience of the last decade. It&#x27;s not just been a particularly lonely or disappointing week or something. This week was just the same record blasted about as loud as I can take. But also, I clearly don&#x27;t know how to &quot;fix&quot; it. I don&#x27;t really believe it&#x27;s a thing I can fix because my efforts to do so only seem to teach me ever-nuanced ways in which the problem compounds and reinforces itself.
+
+
+ You can&#x27;t afford it? I&#x27;ll pay. That doesn&#x27;t matter, it wasn&#x27;t about being able to afford it. You don&#x27;t have the time? I&#x27;ll come to you, work around your schedule. That doesn&#x27;t matter, it wasn&#x27;t about not having time. It doesn&#x27;t interest you? I&#x27;ll do whatever you want to do, I&#x27;m open and amenable like that. That doesn&#x27;t matter, it wasn&#x27;t about their lack of interest. When you&#x27;re feeling good and fun and free, I&#x27;m not the one on your mind to call or invite. You were desperately waiting for that window so you could &quot;catch up&quot; on the &quot;fun&quot; you&#x27;re otherwise indefinitely denied. Every moment where you can feel remotely human or &quot;free&quot; is not one you&#x27;re trying to interject a bunch of Nick P.-ness into.
+
+
+ There is no striking-up conversations with strangers and informal friends anymore. Maybe that&#x27;s just a problem with me? Feels bigger, but I don&#x27;t know. My &quot;best friend&quot; I gave my terms to and they still haven&#x27;t been met, so I&#x27;m not lending myself to get back into his spin. My business partner, who I also see maybe once every 3 or so months, has been barreling towards a crash for probably over a year at this point, refuses to slow down or establish better boundaries or utilize me in any way but to - very maybe - decompress an inch when he bitches about something? I have to tell clients all the time there&#x27;s a difference between indefinitely complaining and still being a ball of stress and actually coping and incorporating whatever it is that&#x27;s getting at you and changing your behavior.
+
+
+ I have another friend I see maybe once every 2 or 3 months whose dad might be dying, and she has her own health issues, so it&#x27;s like where would I get off thinking we should bowl more often? lol I don&#x27;t know, it&#x27;s this weird thing where you&#x27;re invited to pit your desire to feel like you belong or have a friendship against their given tragedy or circumstances. It feels like it would be infinitely unwise and unfair to &quot;blame&quot; as though they&#x27;re any less stuck within their contexts than you are, but you happen to be the loudest example of anyone you know on how to defy circumstances and work towards what you might actually want and need.
+
+
+ Blame language is overwhelmingly a move to adopt nonsense framing, but emotionally, you&#x27;re like, am I just supposed to kinda glide through the air until I happen to crash into you? To be extra clear, this feels like an existential thing with everyone to some degree or another. I do not get the sense there&#x27;s any remotely deliberate care and focus to cultivate and protect a mutually beneficial dynamic. It&#x27;s like every hangout is getting away with murder or their mind is physically unable to be present because it&#x27;s been captured by the superficially &quot;chosen&quot; drama.
+
+
+ I mean it in a more damming way than that, which implicates this litany of sick family members. I think we&#x27;re also gluttonous. When you&#x27;re not choosing the drama, you&#x27;re feeding on the familiar sensibilities of your relationship to it. Aren&#x27;t you needed? Doesn&#x27;t that maybe scratch the itch that I&#x27;m taking 9,000 words to articulate? I&#x27;d like to feel useful and needed and like a &quot;good boy&quot; for doing what I&#x27;m supposed to by way of expressed care. I don&#x27;t. No matter how much people tell me I help or what I say makes sense, it does nothing for me, and I don&#x27;t think a single person has even tried to articulate to me they understand why.
+
+
+ It&#x27;s pretty easy to disregard everything you&#x27;re not doing to gain control or a sense of personal responsibility and agency by attending to everyone else. There&#x27;s also the unyielding irony where I&#x27;m witness to what appears to be people who will go to the ends of the earth for especially the ones who don&#x27;t deserve or can&#x27;t truly receive what&#x27;s being offered. Almost like each party knows what&#x27;s on offer isn&#x27;t made of what either of them needs, but this perverse Munchausien bargain is struck. What kind of massive deserves-to-be-alienated cunt would try to turn your lovingly devoted heart into the problem!? You&#x27;re right, I see it now why no one wants to hang out lol.</div>
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+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TrueOffMyChest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-06-21</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1dl8y7a/call_me_megara/" target="_blank" class="title">Call me Megara</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">...cuz I won&#x27;t say I&#x27;m in love, but I will allude to it lmao. I&#x27;m pretty anxious about posting this. I even created a throwaway account in case the person somehow were to find my main reddit account or some random YT channel finds this and reads it (both of which I highly doubt, but anxiety is the name, paranoia is the game). Anyway, I&#x27;m a person who has little to no experience when it comes to love/romantic relationships. I grew up very sheltered and emotionally suppressed lololol and there are still some things I don&#x27;t know how to shake yet. For the sake of brevity and my heart, I think I am the closest thing I&#x27;ve ever felt to being &quot;in love.&quot;
+
+The fucked up thing is, regarding the person to whom these feelings are directed, I thought they liked me in the beginning and I was very resistance (internally). When I finally gathered the courage to tell them my speculations (thank you therapy) they said they didn&#x27;t see me like that; the idea of us being together had crossed their mind at one point, but they came to the resolution that it would be better for us to just be friends. I felt so relieved at first, like I could be myself without a wall of A.N.Ts (related to CBT look it up) flooding my mind. Now that the wall has been torn down, it&#x27;s like perhaps this whole time I was suppressing how I really felt about them romantically and straight up swimming in denial. I find myself thinking of them a lot, wanting to do activities with them, and somewhat sort of wanting to be intimate (there&#x27;s a whole potential a/sexuality arc I am not writing about today lol), and generally how we act around another kind of has people questioning if we are together.
+
+Okay, this wasn&#x27;t brief, but the point is I like how my feelings pulled an Uno reverse card on me. Overall, I can&#x27;t really trust this, or I&#x27;m wary to trust it because I am also the type of person who has had some semblance of a crush or has been infatuated with almost every one of my friends. This one just happens to feel stronger and different. I don&#x27;t want to tell my friends about it because my feelings could be here today, gone tomorrow and also I&#x27;m a little embarrassed. I don&#x27;t think I&#x27;ll ever tell this person how I feel because I truly do want to remain their friend overall and at least I have some new fodder if I ever decide to write that YA romance novel lmao. Thank you people of the internet for the space to vomit this information so hopefully I can be at peace. </div>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TrueOffMyChest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2023-08-13</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15pnyjl/i_cant_get_over_the_betrayal_that_my_ex_and_my/" target="_blank" class="title">I cant get over the betrayal that my ex and my best friend had done and idk what to do.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">For context, I try to ignore my friend, however, whenever I fail in doing so, I end up saying the most rancid things. I also ended up blocking my ex.
+
+STORY TIME. We will call my friends Alexa, Oliver and Harry. My best friend, Alexa (F16) decided to visit my city with her dad for a business trip and she decided to sleep in my room for 5 days because she didn’t have space at her dad’s hotel. She met my friends Oliver (M16), who is my “ex”, (quotations bc we were never official due to strict parents) and my friend Harry (M17) when Oliver and I were still dating and all four of us would go on Facetime. Oliver blocked me when we broke up, however Alexa stayed friends with him. A while later, Oliver unblocked me because we made plans to hangout before we separated so they can meet my best friend Alexa, however, she did not want to go out with them alone without me because they were still unfamiliar.
+
+Here’s the story. During Alexa’s 4th day Oliver, Alexa and Harry decided to hang out, just the three of them. Oliver and Alexa first decided to visit me from work to say hi and meet Harry downtown. I couldn’t come with them because I had back to back work and finals in between. At some point, Harry and my other friends texted me to warn me that Oliver, my ex, was relapsing feelings but I didn’t think much of it. My coworkers told me that it was weird that I’m letting my friend and my ex hangout like that, which then put me in a bad mood. A couple hours later, I went home and Alexa’s parents starts to call my parents because it was getting late. Alexa said her phone died and whenever I try to call Harry, Alexa would answer it and hang up. I got a text from Harry that he was being forced to go to Oliver’s house by Alexa. I then got confused because they also told me that Alexa was on her way home. Who leaves a girl alone in a foreign city with a dead phone??? They told me they wrote the directions for Alexa and I should be expecting her in a bit. I decided to track Harry and I saw that he was already at Oliver’s house. Oliver’s house is much further than mine, so I did the math and I concluded that Alexa should be here by now. An hour later, Alexa was still not home, both our parents were freaking out and we were about to look for her because we thought she was missing. I already had speculations that they were all lying and it was confirmed when Alexa decided to call me and tell me she got lost and she’s on her way to her dads hotel because she’s going to be sleeping there. Her call turned on her find my iphone and I saw that she was with Harry on the road from Oliver’s house to go to her dads hotel. I confronted both of them and they told me that they were at MO bus but they’re not together. I called bulshit and I told them that I already know that they’re lying, they should just tell the truth now. My friend Alexa said I’m delusional asking what am I on or shit like that, and Harry just stopped responding. I texted Oliver and told him there’s no going back from this if they actually lied.
+
+We got a call from Alexa’s dad asking to pick her up from his hotel because she did not have space there. On our way to the hotel, I got a call from Harry and a bunch of texts from my other friend telling me to calm down and this is gonna be a lot to take. He confessed and I was so mad, I texted Alexa’s mom about it. When she came to the car, she was asking if I was mad, begging me to talk. I told her she lied to me and I know everything because Harry told me. She denied and said that he lied and I was delusional again. I stopped talking. She begged to talk at home and asked me to take everything that I told her mom back. I told her she’s stupid and that she should be ashamed because she is living in my house for free and decided to be inconsiderate about my parents and I having work the next day.
+
+I keep on bringing up her and my ex drinking in the group chat, telling them that they’re gonna make perfectly r** babies and they should just be together because they’re both stupid asf. Alexa has a habit of saying the r slur, so I decided to use it about on her (I never say it, I only say it whenever it’s about her and my ex.) They all apologized, I forgave them, but I was told I forgave them too easily so now I’m ignoring them. I forgave Harry too, he was the only one who told me the whole truth and I found out that he was pressured to drink and join them and his phone was taken by my friend. Oliver was begging to be forgiven, asking if we can go to the movies together (like what?) When I forgave him, he started joking, saying that I gave him permission to date my best friend, as if nothing happened, he also said that I had exaggerated when I apologized about my shit words and behaviour. In the end, I blocked him and Im not gonna be talking to my friend Alexa anymore. She was my best friend for almost a decade, we’ve known each other since we were born. I want to forgive, but it hurts because they betrayed me, telling me that I exaggerated everything, being extremely inconsiderate to everyone involved.
+
+Ps: Alexa was begging me to get back with Oliver. She told me that if she had a guy like him, he would ditch everyone. She also said that Oliver deserved better than me. A part of me thinks that they like each other. Oliver said he’s never gonna get with her, however, he did feel a rare “homie” connection with her that he never felt with anyone else.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TrueOffMyChest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2020-09-21</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/iwr1hg/social_isolation_is_crushing_me_but_it_is_also/" target="_blank" class="title">Social isolation is crushing me, but it is also paradoxically a comfort. Or perhaps that&#x27;s just a defence mechanism.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I&#x27;m not entirely sure where to begin, so forgive me if I&#x27;m a bit all over the place. The situation I&#x27;m in was not caused by Covid. I&#x27;m on disability due to blindness. Because I can&#x27;t drive, and because it isn&#x27;t always safe for me to cross the street, I typically stay at home, pandemic or no. And I typically stay in my room; I live with my parents.
+
+I wake up each day surrounded by the same four walls that I will see all day, save for when I fix myself food, bathe, or do laundry. My bedroom is small and cramped with little walking space. For furniture, I have five bookshelves against two walls (three on one side, two half-bookshelves on the other), a full (not queen) sized bed, a chair, a coffee table and a television on top of the table. There&#x27;s no air conditioning in the house, so I also have two standing fans (those thin, tower-like ones) and one thin, tall lamp for lighting. This is where I spend most of my days.
+
+It wasn&#x27;t always like this. In 2017 I was with a man whom I expected to marry. He&#x27;d gotten me a promise ring and all that happy fun stuff. But addiction to pornography (he spent thousands of dollars on it, I&#x27;m still not sure why but I have my speculations), seemingly compulsive lying (often with no obvious reason for it), and severe depressive spirals led me to break it off after years of trying to make it work. Calling it off was huge for me because I was calling off a future with a man I loved and independence I&#x27;d never before then known how sorely I needed. We had our own place, but he was the leaseholder, so my daughter and I ended up rooming with a friend and her mother. Thankfully, at that time, my ex-husband and I (we divorced due to domestic abuse--he choked me and beat me in the face, and for several years he wasn&#x27;t in our daughter&#x27;s life of his own choice, but after anger management and finding someone  more compatible, he mellowed out and is a good father now) had it arranged that she lived out of town with him during the school year (I have her all weekends, breaks, and summer). I had next to none of my things save for clothes and slept on the couch. There was no place else for me. My friend&#x27;s mother is a severe hoarder, so honestly I was lucky to even have the couch. My ex was kind enough to allow me to keep my other things at the house until I had a place for them. When my daughter was with me, we stayed at my great-grandmother&#x27;s house. A few months later, in late 2018 My friend, her mother, and myself rented a place with more space. One that would have a room for all four of us (myself, my daughter, my friend, and her mother). But the extent of the hoarding was so bad that I had nothing outside of my bedroom and my daughter&#x27;s bedroom. My friend&#x27;s mother took up the the entirety of the garage with her things, on top of the things inside the house, so it wasn&#x27;t until I was forced to move out (because she started putting things into my daughter&#x27;s room without my consent) that I came to be at my parents&#x27; house in November 2019. There was initially no heat because my parents hadn&#x27;t paid the bill, and we didn&#x27;t have heat until late November/early December. It was cold showers and a colder room until then. But even when we finally got heat, my room remained cold because there are two large windows in it, and the vent leading to the room doesn&#x27;t work.
+
+I spent the next month moving some of my things over from my ex&#x27;s house, having to fight my step-dad the entire way, and taking care of my daughter for Christmas break. Early January, I was told by my ex that he had made bad financial decisions for his then-girlfriend, who was recovering from drug problems, which led to him being unable to pay rent, so I had to get my things by the 31st. That wouldn&#x27;t have been a problem, but he didn&#x27;t actually let me start working to move it all until the tail end of the month. In total, I had something like 3 days to work. And I had to do it all on my own, which wouldn&#x27;t have been so upsetting if I&#x27;d been allowed to start sooner, or if he hadn&#x27;t asked me to help him pack up his things at the last second (on top of still having to argue with my step-dad). I ended up just leaving a lot of my things at the curb for the trash. I didn&#x27;t even go through a lot of it because I didn&#x27;t want to see what I was throwing away. My step-dad was irritated at me for bringing &quot;too much stuff&quot; into the house as it was, and the definition of &quot;too much stuff&quot; was &quot;more than I could fit in my bedroom&quot;. He forbade me putting anything in the attic, though there was plenty of space, and initially forbade the basement. He said he&#x27;d clean out a corner of a back room in the house for me to stack boxes, but that didn&#x27;t happen, so I had to do that myself as well.
+
+My isolation &quot;began&quot; when I was in that house with my friend and her mother. My friend worked two jobs, and her mother worked long hours so I was often alone as it was. But problems arose for two reasons. The first was the hoarding, which prevented me from having my things outside my or my daughter&#x27;s bedroom. It didn&#x27;t feel like a home for me as a result. The main room didn&#x27;t feel like it was even partially mine, since nothing of mine was in it. The second issue was religion. I&#x27;m Eastern Orthodox (think Catholic-esque). My friend and her mother are anti-theists (not just atheists, but anti-theist, in that they thought all religions should be abolished/banned). I could have lived with atheists. I don&#x27;t peddle my faith, because I don&#x27;t feel it&#x27;s my job. And I understood why they felt that way, and sympathised with it. They&#x27;d been victims of abuse by the monstrosity that is the Jehovah&#x27;s Witness cult. The mother had a limp as a result of having something wrong with one of her legs/hips at birth, and her mother refusing to have it corrected--an easy surgery, but she wouldn&#x27;t sign off on the small chance of a blood transfusion being given if it were necessary. When she was beaten and raped by her husband and my friend was also physically abused by her father, they were told by the head of their congregation that it wasn&#x27;t rape since she was married, and she was to submit sexually to him whenever he wanted. They couldn&#x27;t celebrate birthdays, or have gifts. I speculate that her trauma and lack of control due to their influence is what caused the later hoarding problems, but I&#x27;m no psychologist. And when they left the &quot;church&quot; they were shunned by their family. I cannot in any way judge them for anything, but least of all that their experiences led them to hate religion as a whole. Who could fault that? The religious problem there didn&#x27;t come from me peddling my faith. At one point, my friend said that me talking about my faith made her uncomfortable, and so I thanked her for her honesty and never brought it up again. But this was a one-way street. In hindsight, maybe I should have asked that they not make disparaging comments at least against my faith, but I didn&#x27;t because I didn&#x27;t want them to feel like they should control their speech around me. I didn&#x27;t want to make them uncomfortable in any way. Even political discussions were hard to have, because whereas I like to discuss things to learn other perspectives, it always seemed like they did it to win. I don&#x27;t know if that makes sense. In any case, it felt less and less like I could be &quot;me&quot; outside my room. Plus sometimes I&#x27;d go out into the living room to hang out with no intention of really doing much but nodding along to whatever they had to say and, as I would sit down and greet my friend on the couch while she played a game of her own to make small talk, she&#x27;d suddenly be &quot;so exhausted from work&quot; or &quot;not feeling well&quot; and need go to sleep. At that point, when my daughter wasn&#x27;t there, I stayed in my room 99% of the time, reading or playing a video game because that was at least comfortable. I could exist without feeling like I was imposing on someone else.
+
+When I got to my parents&#x27; house, having to deal with having no heat, then having to haggle with my dad on just having my own things in the house, because there &quot;wasn&#x27;t enough space&quot; for me (or my daughter) outside my bedroom, it wore me down further. He&#x27;s an alcoholic, so half the time he doesn&#x27;t remember what he even says, but he&#x27;ll accuse me and my mother of &quot;not listening&quot; to him. He even argued against me giving them a dryer for free when theirs was broken and the dryer at my ex&#x27;s was mine. He argued against it until the last day, and then still changed his mind on moving it down to the basement to hook it up, then changed it again saying he&#x27;d do it, and I think around March it was finally hooked up. Prior to that, it sat in the space where I was supposed to be able to store some of my things, therefore reducing the amount of already-limited space I was &quot;allowed&quot; to put stuff. He&#x27;s also made comments to me that he was glad that I was Christian &quot;so long as I wasn&#x27;t Catholic&quot; (Fun fact: Prior to 1054, the Roman Catholic Church and the Orthodox Church were one and the same). And then if he brought up religion and I got excited to talk about my faith (like if I talked about admiring a particular saint, or discussed any church history at all), he&#x27;d comment that I was taking it too seriously.
+
+He also got upset in February when my sister and now brother-in-law were to be married because &quot;his dad wasn&#x27;t invited&quot; when it was just a simple courthouse wedding and the real ceremony would come later when they could afford one. It broke my sister&#x27;s heart that he wouldn&#x27;t be there, but she wouldn&#x27;t budge on inviting our grandfather because she&#x27;s uncomfortable around him for what one might politely call insensitive political views. For me, I took her side. It was her wedding and she could invite whomever she wanted. But at first he just fought with both of my sisters who chewed him a new one, until they mutually disowned each other, and he said to me that I was &quot;his only remaining daughter&quot;, which struck an awful chord with me. As I was growing up, I was only ever his daughter when things were &quot;good&quot;. If a medical bill needed paying on my behalf or teenage-me had the audacity to act like a teenager and question his authority, I wasn&#x27;t his daughter, and I should be grateful that he stepped up for trash like me when my biological father left the picture. So just in general, I&#x27;m uncomfortable around him. It isn&#x27;t all bad, but it&#x27;s better the less we talk. I hate that it&#x27;s like this.
+
+So I stay in my room.  Just like before, it feels like I can actually be &quot;me&quot; here. I don&#x27;t even have to say anything because there&#x27;s no one to say it to.
+
+My mother and I generally get along. But we share only a small number of interests. She watches a lot of TV and I watch almost no television, save for a handful of shows here and there. I would say that if it were just her, (my dad, when not working, is on his computer in the living room always) I&#x27;d be more comfortable leaving my room, but I can&#x27;t say that with any amount of confidence. When she&#x27;s home, she&#x27;s also on her computer and watching television. And I&#x27;ve come to realise that the sound of the television, if I&#x27;m not actively watching whatever is on it, actively grinds against something in me. I don&#x27;t know what it is, but it&#x27;s grating. And this is made worse if she&#x27;s watching a YouTube video and has the TV on. The chaos of sound is too much for me and it&#x27;s like I physically react to it. I don&#x27;t know if that makes sense. I don&#x27;t know if that&#x27;s even sane or normal. But it is hell. I have to be away from it. I don&#x27;t tell her. I don&#x27;t even know how to tell her that because it doesn&#x27;t make sense to me. How could I make it make sense to her?
+
+So for years now, save for times when I&#x27;m caring for my daughter, I&#x27;m in my room, alone, more often than not, now more than ever. I have few friends, and the ones I have are looking to move out of this town. One I haven&#x27;t seen since January, and the other I see once a week on Thursdays. Those days are my favourite days. And soon, they&#x27;ll be gone too, when she moves away.
+
+And the more I think about it, the sadder it becomes. In some ways, it could probably be argued that my isolation began even before I broke up with my ex years ago, because he didn&#x27;t agree with some of my reading interests (we booth liked studying history, but he didn&#x27;t like that I liked reading about central Europe; that&#x27;s a story in itself) nor did he like the music I listened to, so I stopped talking to him about my interests and put headphones in and stopped singing my favourite songs when we were together. It feels like moving with my friend only took it a step further, when I physically stayed in my room alone because I felt emotionally/socially alone.
+
+I feel safe in this room as much as I feel like it&#x27;s a prison. It&#x27;s quiet and peaceful, but there&#x27;s no one to share the peace with. When I read something interesting in a book,there&#x27;s no one to share it with. When I&#x27;m excited, there&#x27;s no one to share that excitement with. Of course I share these things with my best friend I see once a week. I send her all kinds of messages, but I hate myself because I feel like I&#x27;m messaging her too much (even though she has explicitly told me otherwise, I can&#x27;t help but feel guilty for it). There&#x27;s just no one in general. Or rather, soon there will truly be no one in general.
+
+I don&#x27;t know what to do, except, I suppose, to scream into the Reddit void.
+
+Thank you in advance if you read all this nonsense. I apologise for wasting your time.
+Edit: Spacing, because I suck at formatting.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TrueOffMyChest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2015-09-27</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/3mix5c/lost_in_the_abyss_dividing_love_from_hate/" target="_blank" class="title">Lost in the abyss dividing love from hate...</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">(Maybe this fits better on another sub - /r/relationships or something - but I&#x27;m not here for advice. I see the situation very clearly, wish though I might otherwise. I just want put this down somewhere and get it off my chest and go about my day.)
+
+I just...
+
+I love him to bits. It kills me when he&#x27;s unhappy or distant. It brightens my whole day when he smiles. We have so much in common (well, maybe not in absolute terms, but relative to most other gay men that I&#x27;ve met). I love wandering the city or playing games or going on adventures with him. He has this vision of us together, happy, fulfilled and I thirst for it, *I hunger*. There&#x27;s so much good in the relationship that I want it to be The One.
+
+At least, at times.
+
+I hate that he only seems to want me when he hasn&#x27;t got me. We&#x27;ve been on-again off-again for a while and when we&#x27;re off he tries so hard to get back to on, but when we&#x27;re on he just drifts off into his own little world. It&#x27;s like I don&#x27;t exist until he&#x27;s out of better things to do. &quot;Oh, you want to spend time together? Yeah I know we only see each other once a week, but I need space so not this weekend. [This space, where an apology for not giving you any advance notice so that you could make other plans might go, remains conspicuously empty.] Well maybe tomorrow for a bit if I feel like it after hanging with my other friends. We have plans, you know. ...Also when can we move in together?&quot;
+
+The *fuck*?
+
+Every now and then I bug him to come hang out or spend an extra night that week together and I may as well have offered poorly prepared Brussels sprouts to the finickiest of eaters. &quot;Sure, OK, well maybe OK... if it&#x27;ll make you happy.&quot; Heaven fucking help me though if *I&#x27;d* like to stay in (because I&#x27;m feeling a bit sick or tired or whatever) when he&#x27;s out with friends and wants to show me off.
+
+Then I read shit like [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/3mi684/is_it_a_dick_move_to_break_up_with_someone_by/) and it just kills me. Dudebro can&#x27;t handle a relationship where he only sees his SO who lives the next city over on the weekends. And I get it, that&#x27;s shit&#x27;s hard. He&#x27;s *right*. But my SO&#x27;s just down the street from where I work and I&#x27;ll be damned if I get as much of his attention without badgering him for it.
+
+What am I still doing here? But then I remember the good times. And I&#x27;m paralyzed.
+
+Sex. It&#x27;s been months since he&#x27;s rocked my world. I want to change things up a bit. Hah! It hurts *him* that I&#x27;m not 100% satisfied by his habits, his defaults. Change things up? Well, maybe. But it&#x27;s hard. Have I tried working up to it over a period of hours, yet? That might work. As long as it&#x27;s still spontaneous. Oh but if we want to switch the roles around then how about we skip the foreplay because that somehow puts him off the mood. For fuck&#x27;s sake just say &quot;no, I don&#x27;t want to do it like that&quot;. Stop feeding me this bullshit about how you&#x27;d *love* to &quot;explore new things&quot; when it&#x27;s clear as fucking day that you&#x27;re not going to voluntarily budge so much as a millimeter from your comfort zone.
+
+*And that&#x27;s OK.* I don&#x27;t need constant transcendental sex bordering on spiritual enlightenment to consider a relationship. I really don&#x27;t. But would it kill you to be frank about your limits and desires? Or the odd token gesture to show me that you want to *somewhat* please me - that that pleases you? I can handle the rest myself, I really can. Or fucking stop ditching me and come out and let&#x27;s spend this *gorgeous* day together happy, laughing, playing silly games and I&#x27;ll forget all about such trivial nonsense.
+
+Yeah. As if.
+
+I&#x27;m sick of hearing about aspirations that he&#x27;ll never lift a finger to pursue himself. I&#x27;m sick having to badger him to actually do the things he says he wants to do. I&#x27;m sick of watching him be miserable over getting what he wants. I mean seriously, fuck your passive-aggressive bullshit, you&#x27;re well into your 30s, how the fuck are you still such a child? Why can&#x27;t anything be even just a tiny bit straight-forward?
+
+My place doesn&#x27;t feel like home because I get annoyed when you leave a mess wherever you go. You keep your place cleaner than I do mine. Let&#x27;s go get some other place and live together there.
+
+Like fucking what?! I cannot even. I cannot to can.
+
+But I love you.
+
+I&#x27;m just so fucking tired of wondering from week to week if you&#x27;ll be the happy energetic man who parts the clouds and makes me laugh until I can&#x27;t stand it any more or if it&#x27;s going to be *four* weeks in a row now of you just not feeling it and why don&#x27;t we just hang out alone today. Then we can tell each other what a great time we had with our respective hobbies and I&#x27;ll pretend that I was happy for you.
+
+I wish this weren&#x27;t the only fucking place on the planet I can think to put all of these thoughts. (Well, I could always call family, but I already know the answer I&#x27;ll get in return.) I wish that I could just tell this all *to you*. Gods know I&#x27;ve tried. You&#x27;re so fucking fragile when it comes to criticism. If I pour my heart out to you it just hurts you and you just shut down, and you stop listening, and you lash back in the most vicious ways you know or you cry (and I can&#x27;t even tell what&#x27;s worse). If I try to take it piece by piece you dodge the subject with the grace of a gazelle fleeing the rustling of the grass. I wish you could stand to feel what I feel long enough to see just what it is you&#x27;re doing.
+
+I wish you weren&#x27;t so baffling. If you love me, then why do you so often treat me like such shit? And if there&#x27;s a deficit of love then why does it upset you so damn much that I might notice? It&#x27;s not like I&#x27;m supporting you materially, what fucking reason could you have to play these games? It&#x27;s fucking obvious that they don&#x27;t make you any happier than I am. Just fucking *make some sense* already!
+
+I wish I didn&#x27;t have to see myself tearing out my own damn heart in self defense each time I cast a speculative glance towards the future.
+
+I wish I didn&#x27;t sometimes wish that I could learn to hate you.</div>
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+
+        </div>
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+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/india</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2026-01-05</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/1q4omto/projected_gdp_are_one_dimensional_and_unreliable/" target="_blank" class="title">Projected GDP are one dimensional and unreliable or am I missing something?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">
+
+I can&#x27;t wrap my head around this with constant spamming everywhere in social media by bots that india will be highest GDP in next two decades due to aeging population of other countries and India&#x27;s young population n expected GDP growth you . This is purely one dimensional or am I missing something
+
+I mean there are so many variables that come into play and frankly we have reached a stage where nothing can be predicted in next 2 decades .
+
+
+Lack of quality education
+
+just because we have young population , does it mean all of them are productive? It depends on quality of education right? 80 percent population still living in rations and may at best go to government schools. I mean most of them will go to manual labour or delivery gigs if inam not wrong
+
+Quality of education
+
+our education quality is mostly rota learning which does not teach us critical thinking, innovation etc compared to other countries.this will affect what future generations can bring to table. Our entire generation is pushed to CSE who works for Western countries or go into medical field
+
+Lack of innovation
+
+Our innovation n R&amp;D is shit due to red tape , corruption and lack of funding . How will our GDP increase when we do not generate revenue within country?
+
+Jobs
+
+With advent of AI , inbound remittances decreasing due tightening immigration, tighter scrutiny my Trump on offshoring  our software service industres is at risk for next few years n maybe increase joblessness as well
+
+Manufacturing
+
+We do not have manufacturing of our own . With more AI and robotics , this might also be at risk in upcoming years
+
+Geopolitics
+
+tarrifs , more wars between countries various unpredictable event will affect projected rate of growth
+
+Innovation
+
+There might be space travel , medical break thru n various things which cannot be predicted
+
+Are all these considered as part of GDP calculation or metrics are just speculative n bragging righs for country?
+ </div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2020-08-09</div>
+                </div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
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+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/i6ba3t/submit_short_fantasyscifi_stories_to_a_ezine_for/" target="_blank" class="title">Submit short fantasy/sci-fi stories to a e-zine for South Asian writing | Flat payment of $50 (~Rs 3750) if accepted</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">**What is Tales From An Unfamiliar Nation?**
+
+Hi everyone! [Tales From An Unfamiliar Nation](https://www.tfaun.com) is trying to create a space for fantasy and sci-fi stories inspired by South Asia. Our current MO is to upload one story a month. We have stories up for the next few months, but are always on the lookout for new content.
+
+**Guidelines**
+
+All stories submitted must
+
+1. Have speculative elements integral to the story
+2. Be connected to South Asian history and/or mythology
+3. Be in English (sorry! we’ll add more languages if this ever takes off!)
+4. Be shorter than 5000 words **(no exceptions)**
+5. Not be published anywhere else yet (posts on feedback forums are okay)
+6. Not simply retell mythological stories
+
+**How to submit**
+
+1. Please e-mail [**admin@tfaun.com**](mailto:admin@tfaun.com) with &quot;Submission&quot; in the subject
+2. Please include your author bio and a short intro for the story itself
+3. Submit .RTF, .DOC, .DOCX or .ODT files in [standard manuscript](http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~mslee/format.html) format
+
+**Rights**
+
+1. All rights will be reserved with the author except, by necessity, first publication
+2. Your story, if accepted, will appear on [www.tfaun.com/tales](https://www.tfaun.com/tales)
+
+**Payment**
+
+1. There is a **flat fee of $50** for accepted stories
+2. Also uncountable amounts of exposurebux (jokes apart, we *are* running ad campaigns within South Asian audiences for accepted stories. Your story&#x27;s name and your name will both appear in the ad campaign.)
+
+**FAQs**
+
+1. *Is this legit?*
+There&#x27;s nothing I can really show you to convince you of its legititude. However, there are stories up on the site (for free perusal) and the authors have been compensated. I can source testimonials if need be. Mail us at [**admin@tfaun.com**](mailto:admin@tfaun.com)!
+2. *How will I be paid?*
+However is convenient to you. We are currently figuring out whether we have a standardized approach, but paypal has been the preferred mode so far.
+3. *How long before I hear back?*
+It&#x27;s just the two of us doing this, so it might be a minute. Typically, you can expect a response on the immediate next weekend, and a decision on your story within a month (for those of you who submitted from my r/fantasywriters post last week, we&#x27;re on it!)
+4. *Can I submit somewhere else while I wait?*
+Yes, but please tell us if you do so and please, please make sure you tell us if you hear back in the affirmative. You should also let the other venue know about your submission to TFAUN.
+5. *What&#x27;s with the name?*
+It sounds neat. But if you must know, the details are in the about page at [www.tfaun.com/about](https://www.tfaun.com/about)
+6. *What is South Asia?*
+Depending on who is counting, seven to ten countries in and around the Indian subcontinent - almost always including India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Bhutan and Sri Lanka.</div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2019-03-06</div>
+                </div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/ay0g4x/thoughts_around_recent_situation_media_politics/" target="_blank" class="title">Thoughts around recent situation, Media, politics and wayforwards</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">
+
+I drafted few of the points and frustrations I had with the media and the way current government dealt with things. These are strictly my opinions and Since Reddit is Anonymous forum, I decided to put across my thoughts here in no particular order. Writing this seem to help some of the frustrations I had with current uncomfortable situation we landed in.
+
+**Current Indian Media houses**
+
+* Hyper nationalistic, sensational and Run behind TRP
+* I am still hunting for 1 channel that does not put opinions, speculations, &quot;Trusted&quot; sources, debates, useless graphics before factual reporting.
+* Still can’t understand why media want to show things which are not confirmed and corroborated by facts and official statements.
+* Many channels pick old videos from youtube, pictures from internet that matches their imagination and Narrative and try to show that as reporting pieces :(
+* Media houses seem to have formed a mini cartel in a race to TRP and ad revenue, Everyone including educated public and media houses know how messed up the reporting and journalism standards in multiple instances, they should among themselves come to a consensus of what is good reporting and stick to it in long term.
+* Long term effects of not having a reputed and non-biased media house might hurt india&#x27;s democracy image. Remember media is 4th pillar of democracy, We should keep our pillars strong and healthy. I have not followed DD news, excuse my ignorance , I follow private media houses like most Indians do
+
+**What I think is right Media:**
+
+* Have a strict guidelines for media reporting issues concerning National Security. Every reporting piece that comes in media should be clearly mentioning the sources of reporting, Other cases it has to mark the screen space clearly visible mentioning if the piece is Speculation, Opinion etc.
+* Should follow a good degree of restraint in situation like this, 27/11, Surgical Strikes etc and be an example, not a laughing stock among its own people and others.
+* I understand faster reporting and quality of content reported need to be traded off in this age of smart phones and Social Media, I am still looking for that national news channel that has this tradeoff in right proportions.
+* I am still looking for that media house that has Dhoni&#x27;s calmness and composure even in trying times. This might Garner respect in international community, from citizens and even from enemies
+
+**Current Government**
+
+* Government should be just a decision maker for military proposals. None of these should be used for political rallies or propaganda’s. EC should have guidelines for election propaganda like they have for Hate speeches. Country comes first, Not a particular ruling party win / loss in elections based on hot headed decisions.
+* Government should start enforcing guide lines to media houses reporting sensitive information.
+* If there are strikes behind enemy lines, why are we giving the information out such in first place, why are we trying to satisfy our anger and ego? Keep faith in out
+
+**What I think is could be done by Government**
+
+* Not every military action by every country will be successful every time, there will be surprises, losses and wins, let military decide what is what and government be the rubber stamp approving their proposals. Disclose only what is needed and others should be kept confidential
+* Strikes behind enemy lines should be highly classified with a time limit (5y, 10y, 20y, 50y etc) after which details can be made public.
+* Public and media pressure should not decide the course of Military, Navy and Airforce actions. I understand emotions can be high but again country comes first and let these professionals deal with it.
+* Have a goal and Narrative, in this case the goal could be &quot;**JEM killed our Soldiers, we want JEM to be recognized as terrorist outfit and its leaders handed over to India and any other organizations started by its members to be going through Pak&#x27;s approval with records in future**&quot;. The Narrative and actions should stick to this until goal is reached and we move on to the next goal.
+* Right now I have an opinion that we seem to have slightly lost our narrative, we are trying to show Pak used an F-16 when they responded back for our strikes? If I look at the narrative and proof&#x27;s provided as a neutral source, I am more convinced of their narrative and peace proposal than India&#x27;s. Get your narrative right and keep it aligned with the Goals.
+
+**Personally**
+
+I am against war, Religion based biases in countries and systems. I really want to see peaceful relationship between India and Pakistan like France, Germany and Europe has right now. I hope both the countries grow strong economically and have lot more visa free travel and cultural exchange. Some where deep down, I also imagine Unification of both countries and grow ourselves to be a super power. I know I am dreaming, but why not?
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+PS: I have drafted this as a comment in a megathread, I thought it might be worth discussing these in a separate thread of its own and created this post.  </div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2023-07-19</div>
+                </div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
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+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/153jhlr/my_32f_bf_32m_and_our_cat_incompatibilities/" target="_blank" class="title">My (32F) bf (32M) and our cat incompatibilities</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Throwaway - bf knows reddit - some details changed
+
+TL;DR I think bf underestimated the responsibility that goes into caring for my cat. Are our lifestyles incompatible?
+
+A few years ago (before I met bf) I worked at an exotic animal rescue and ended up fostering, then adopting an exotic big cat &quot;Cleo&quot;, as there was no room for her at the facility. This was all done legally, with permits/inspections/training/etc. I have absolutely no regrets and like to think I&#x27;ve given Cleo a pretty nice life.
+
+While having her has been extremely fulfilling, basically my whole life revolves around her care (which is what I signed up for). When I started dating bf (three years ago), he knew this and was extremely supportive. He loved Cleo and called her his &quot;cat daughter&quot;.
+
+He eventually proposed moving in together, but the issue was that he has two cats (regular cats). Cleo had never been exposed to house cats, but one of the reasons the rescue couldn&#x27;t take her was that she was too aggressive with the other big cats of her species. It was speculated that she may have been acting this way due to stress/past abuse/injury.
+
+We decided to try introducing them in a neutral space with lots of precautions. It ended up going really well - they mostly ignored each other. After doing this a bunch of times, we decided bf would move in with me on a trial basis. I had a big outdoor enclosure for Cleo, and we made a smaller enclosure for his cats. We would periodically let them have supervised interaction time, and rotate their time in the house.
+
+A year later, we decided to buy a house together, and recreate the same cat space situation. I work at home, and it has always been understood, that during my working hours, Cleo gets house access, as she gets intense separation anxiety. Bf&#x27;s cats still have their separate outdoor area, but get access to the garage. When bf gets home, I take Cleo on a walk, then play with her outside or in my office, so bf can have time in the main house to play with his cats. Then we let them all have their supervised together time, before night, when they go back to their separate spaces.
+
+Bf&#x27;s job recently transitioned to wfh, and lately he&#x27;s been frustrated with the rotation situation. He wants his cats to be in the main house during the day while he works. I totally get that, but neither of us are able to provide the supervision I feel is necessary for that situation. Locking Cleo in my office is not feasible, nor is rotating them - as Cleo will become distressed and loud/destructive. Lately, bf keeps letting his cats in without telling me, and brushes off my concerns about supervision.
+
+A few days ago, bf had some friends in town along with their three young children. He mentioned they were excited to meet Cleo. I had some reservations - as I&#x27;ve never seen Cleo interact with children. I suggested they meet her from the outside of her enclosure, then maybe we take them in one at a time, depending how it goes. Bf was dismissive, saying I was being overly cautious, and Cleo is so good with everyone (because I have worked hard to make socializing a positive experience for her). I did put my foot down and tell him I wanted to do it my way.
+
+The afternoon his friends arrived, I was running late due to some errands and they were already there when I got in. I opened the door, and the whole group was in the living room, including bf, his friends, their three kids, his two cats, and Cleo. It was totally chaotic. Bf (and friends) had obviously had a bit to drink, no one was supervising, Cleo looked stressed. I went to go grab her, and just as a got there, one of the kids grabbed one of bf&#x27;s cats, who then slammed into Cleo trying to escape. Cleo basically lost her shit and attacked bf&#x27;s cat.
+
+We pulled them apart - bf&#x27;s cat was bloody and rushed to the animal hospital. I stayed with Cleo to calm her down after everyone left. Bf&#x27;s cat was okay but needed a lot of stitches.
+
+The vet bill was huge and bf feels I should pay half and was also upset I stayed with Cleo instead of coming to the vet. I told him Cleo was my priority and while I was glad his cat was okay, I didn&#x27;t feel I owed him any money. He&#x27;s furious and keeps referencing all the sacrifices he makes for Cleo, and how I&#x27;m not returning the favor with his cats.
+
+It&#x27;s true - he does do a lot for Cleo. He&#x27;s always adding stuff to her enclosure/buying her toys/playing with her. I am kind to his cats, but Cleo needs a lot. I get why he wants a more &quot;normal&quot; situation with his cats, but I feel like I was upfront about what is necessary for her care, and he agreed to it. Lately, he&#x27;s been making it out like I&#x27;ve been doing these things to spite him, or be controlling, but this is always how it&#x27;s been, and I can&#x27;t change it.
+
+He&#x27;s calmed down a bit, but I&#x27;m worried this is an incompatible situation. Now he&#x27;s saying maybe he&#x27;ll just re-home his cats...I don&#x27;t want that for him, but I don&#x27;t feel like I can change the situation. I feel like he&#x27;ll resent me if it comes to that, and I&#x27;m not sure where to go from here...</div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2023-05-22</div>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13p266c/wifes_34f_friend_28f_of_9_years_blocked_her_with/" target="_blank" class="title">Wife&#x27;s (34F) friend (28F) of 9 years blocked her with no explanation. Looking for advice on what happened and if there&#x27;s anything she can do to make it right/get some closure.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I’m asking for feedback and insight for my wife Kate (F34) since she’s not on Reddit. We’re both pretty baffled by this situation and want to give her friend the benefit of the doubt, but it seems like she has cut my wife out of her life for no reason at all, and done so without any explanation. For context, I have known my wife for about 2.5 years and I’ve actually never met this friend since she started to distance herself from my wife shortly after we met. Using fake names for anonymity.
+
+Kate had a friend Anna (F28) who she met in 2013. They were very close friends for the last 9 years, but in the last year Anna has grown more and more distant, leading to her eventually blocking my wife on social media without explanation. Kate has explained that they were close friends for years, and that she would consider Anna one of her closest friends. Kate has a handful of other amazing, really strong, supportive friendships, so I consider that a pretty huge statement when she says that Anna was one of her best friends. They would talk multiple times a month on the phone, supported each other through career changes, emotional hard times, continued to be close after moving out of state, and Kate just generally felt like they mutually had a strong connection and would be there for eachother throughout life.
+
+I’m biased and have only seen my wife continuously hurt by the actions of Anna, so I might be looking for confirmation bias of Anna’s poor character and that she’s been an awful friend since I’ve known Kate. A bit more context to show some backstory on what I think highlights some pretty awful character in Anna. Remember, I’ve never met her so I’ve just seen my wife go from worried about her because she was in a dark place and couldn’t talk much, to her just saying “I wish you the best” when we invited her to our engagement party and wedding, with no response on wanting to come, to eventually blocking her on socials.
+
+This past year has been extremely hard on Kate for a number of reasons. Her mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer out of nowhere last June, which spread to her bones, and eventually her brain in November. She passed away in February earlier this year. It’s been the toughest experience of my wife’s life, she talked to her mom 2-3 times a day on the phone, and generally thought of her mom as her guiding light and source of wisdom, comfort, and love in the world. The rest of her family is nowhere near as loving and supportive as her mom was, and it’s been absolutely devastating. We had a wedding planned for this summer but did a small ceremony in the hospital just days before her mom passed so she could celebrate with us.
+
+
+Over the course of the year, her mom encouraged us to buy our first house and co-signed with us when we found an amazing deal on a phenomenal place, she encouraged Kate to take a risk on a new dream job and leaving the safety of her old job, and she was completely supportive of us getting engaged and moving this quickly in our lives together. So in the last year, we’ve had major major life events - her mom was diagnosed with cancer, she completely changed jobs, got engaged, we bought a house, and got a dog. Kate’s dad was also diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago (not as aggressive and late stage as her mother’s), so it’s been a lot. Throughout all of this, we have had an overwhelming amount of support and help from our friends and family, and Kate’s friends especially have shown up and been there for her/ us. They’ve done meal trains for us, come to help clean our house and take care of our dog when we were in the hospital, helped us throw together a last minute wedding ceremony in the hospital, and have genuinely shown us so much love. It’s made a really difficult time a lot more manageable, and has shown me the depth of these friendships that Kate has developed. I admire how much effort her and her friends put into each other’s lives, and it has made this situation with Anna that much more confusing.
+
+Anna basically stopped answering Kate’s calls in September of last year. She had bailed on scheduled calls they had multiple times, and kept saying she was in a dark place but didn’t elaborate. Kate left her a message, telling her that she was feeling distance in their relationship, and that she loved and cared about Anna and hoped she could do something to get keep their friendship from dissolving, and that if she needed space then she would keep giving it to her. She made sure to tell her she would always be supportive of her and hoped she would reach back out when she’s ready. She also invited Anna to our engagement party and wedding (we hadn’t done the hospital ceremony yet). Anna replied with “yeah I feel distance too. Wishing you the best for your engagement”, without acknowledging the invites, or giving any insight into her bailing on Kate multiple times and not speaking for 6 months. Fast forward and everything happens, house buying, dog, new job, Kate’s mom dies. Kate posts the new house and new job announcement on socials. And a post with ceremony pictures and her mother’s death on Facebook after it happens. At this point we haven’t heard from Anna in 5 months. Fast forward to now, hasn’t heard anything from Anna for 8 months, and Kate sees that Anna has unfriended her on social media.
+
+I know in the grand scheme of everything else that’s happening, this friend vanishing from Kate’s life is not nearly as impactful as everything else that’s happened, but it’s just been hurtful and confusing, and icing on a really shitty cake. Kate beats herself up and wonders if she should have done something differently. I’m of the opinion that Anna has been an awful friend, that her behavior has been a passive non-confrontational way of ending their friendship, and the timing just seems cruel. i can only speculate that she saw the social media posts and has seen everything Kate has gone through this year and didn’t have the courage to face her to say she didn’t want to be friends anymore. I don’t know what could justify her blocking Kate, but it seems completely out of left field and maybe I’m overprotective of Kate but this woman has done nothing at all to deserve this treatment. On the contrary, she goes above and beyond in her friendships and gives unconditional love to her friends that they reciprocate and have relationships that I admire and strive for in my life.
+
+We realize it’s probably wise to just leave the situation alone and accept that the friendship is over and we’ll never understand why, but we’re wondering if we stand to gain anything/if my wife will be an asshole by reaching out to Kate one last time and telling her 1) that her behavior has really hurt Kate, and 2) asking her for any sort of explanation for some closure. I guess we’re just looking for advice and insight on what the heck happened?
+
+Tl;dr
+My wife Kate had a friend Anna, who over the last year has passively distanced herself more and more from Kate. They were very close friends for almost 10 years, and suddenly she stopped trying at all, to the point of not even replying to a wedding invite, buying a house, and even mentioning that her mother passed away, and eventually blocking her on social media. Confused and wondering why it happened, and if there’s anything we can do for closure, or if it’s just best to move on.</div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2023-05-12</div>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13fbfqi/my_18f_friend_18f_just_cut_me_off_and_i_think_its/" target="_blank" class="title">My (18F) friend (18F) just cut me off and I think it’s because I’m not a homophobe</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Customary I’m not a Reddit user but see Reddit posts on other social media so I’m here for advice.
+
+My friend, who I’ll call Z, and I have been (were?) friends for 8 years at this point. We first met when we were 10, but became closer when we were 11. We went to the same school all throughought middle school and high school. With the way the education system works, we graduated together last year and then I moved abroad and she stayed in the same city.
+
+Well, around February of last year, she was paired up for a project/event with this other guy in our grade by one of our teachers. Over the course of that project, they got closer and I was happy that she was making new friends because she’s really introverted and prefers to spend time on our own. The guy, who I’ll call H (18M), didn’t really leave a lasting impression on me when we first met. Just a regular old guy. But our first proper conversation was when I called him out for using the n-word (we’re not black) and he reacted aggressively. Needless to say, I’m not too fond of him.
+
+Now Z and I have been friends for ages, but it would be silly to deny that we aren’t as close as we once were anymore. But like all childhood friendships, there’s still a connection there because we essentially grew up together and watched each other become who we are. So it seemed as if H quickly filled the space that I had left in her life, and I wasn’t sour about it because I had other friends I was closer to, too.
+
+Well, I’m not sure when they made their relationship official, because Z never explicitly told me, but it was obvious to everyone that they were together with how lovestruck she was always acting. An important thing to note here is that we live in an extremely conservative religious country where relationships before marriage are frowned upon. So it’s possible that she didn’t tell me because she was afraid of my reaction— a mutual friend actually confirmed that this was indeed the reason.
+
+I have very liberal opinions that don’t necessarily always align with my religion. So I posted a story on my account that only had close friends on it saying that I support the LGBT+ community and if anyone has a problem with that opinion they can go ahead and unfollow.
+
+H did not unfollow. H took it upon himself to DM me and tell me my opinion is ‘wrong’ and asked me to justify it. I told him it was quite literally none of his business and I didn’t owe him an explanation for anything. He kept insisting and said that he just wanted to understand the logic of ‘someone like me’. So of course I said simple obvious truths like ‘love is love, I can’t blame people for things they can’t control’, and ‘it’s live and let live’. I didn’t want to get into a deep, religious debate with a homophobic buffoon. In response, he said disgusting (imo) things like ‘So you must think pedophilia and incest are fine too, because love is love. And serial killers can’t control the urge to kill, so they aren’t wrong either’. Which. What? I said that I have a lot of LGBT+ friends who are extremely kind wonderful people, and he said that I was peer pressured into having this opinion. Which didn’t make sense to me because I’m not the one living in a homogeneous country where everyone is the same race, ethnicity, religion, and where minorities are persecuted for no reason. But I digress.
+
+Anyways, I was thinking the entire time that this guy is such a hypocrite, bashing me for not following religion to a T while being in an unallowed relationship himself. I didn’t say anything to his face, because I knew that anything I said would get back to Z and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
+
+But what I did do was DM Z separately politely asking her to control her bf and get him out of my DMs. As friends do, right? Wrong. She seenzoned me for 12 hours, by which point the conversation with H had ended anyway (he removed me from all of his accounts + unfollowed all of mine), and I decided to message her again just asking what was up. No response. Not even a seenzone.
+
+Well by this point, I was pretty pissed, so I told the same mutual friend from before about what had happened and she DMed Z on my behalf to ask if she was mad. She was. Why, you ask? Because I dragged her into the situation. The only reason i did that was because she’s always flaunting her relationship in front of everyone, so I really didn’t think she’d mind. She did. She then went on to say that we (her and I) had a falling out in grade 9, which was news to me. Yes, we aren’t as close as we were before, but we were still pretty close. She mentioned to our mutual friend that she was going to talk to H, but she never talked to me to hear my side of the story. I’m very certain he exaggerated it and made me seem like the bad guy.
+
+So moving on, I blocked H and didn’t contact Z again. Z was still watching all of my stories and stuff, so I could tell she was completely active, she just didn’t want to talk to me. She’d told our mutual friend that she didn’t want to take added stress on top of stress about finals, which, fair. So I left her alone.
+
+This was 3 weeks ago. Two days ago, I woke up to find Z had changed her profile picture overnight (we’d been matching for 2 years) without saying a single word to me, and had also removed me from all of her accounts + unfollowed all of mine. All without telling me why or responding to my messages.
+
+Another important thing to mention here is that Z defends H with her life. It’s like she’s completely obsessed with him; she’d get jealous when our mutual friend even talked to H in class even before Z+H were in a relationship. Just small things like that adding up. Besides this, I also get the vibe that H is toxic and manipulative, and it’s quite possible that he talked shit about me to her and convinced her to cut me off. But this is pure speculation only.
+
+I guess I’m just wondering if I should do anything at this point? Is this relationship even salvageable? Because underneath it all, Z is still a kind, talented individual who I don’t want to lose as a friend. Are there red flags I’m not seeing?
+
+TL;DR: Got into an argument with my childhood friend’s homophobic boyfriend about support for the LGBT+ community. DMed her to ask her to talk to him and get her out of my DMs, and she seenzoned me and then cut me off. Did I do something wrong? Should I fix this?</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2022-12-21</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zs2tmg/i_22m_recently_broke_up_but_still_live_with_my/" target="_blank" class="title">I (22M) recently broke up but still live with my (22F) girlfriend and I think she hates me and don&#x27;t know what to do about it</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">So a lot of backstory and context has to come first sorry for the length. My girlfriend (21) and I (22) broke up about 3 weeks ago. We had been dating 4 years and as far as I thought had a decent relationship, we made each other laugh and enjoyed each others company and interests. We never full on argued or yelled at each other, sometimes we were jerks to each other but fairly rarely and mostly over petty stuff, and our only real arguments always ended with her giving me the silent treatment. We felt good together and started building a life, we have 4 cats and a chinchilla as well as a lease we&#x27;re both on, we bought major appliances that we share etc..
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Her reasons for breaking up with me are still kind of a mystery to me. She stopped talking to me for 3 days first, every time she got home she went straight to bed and said she was tired and didn&#x27;t want to talk. Then she jumped me one morning right as I woke up and said it was over and left for the rest of the day to go to her (22f) best friends house. She came back the next day and I was distraught especially after the day alone to stew, I did not handle it well and begged her to take me back and even said I wasn&#x27;t sure if I even wanted to live without her. She held firm and despite my emotions we agreed to terms on keeping the lease and dividing the rooms up so she could have space. I tried to talk to her a few times the first couple days to get her reasons for leaving me and she said it wasn&#x27;t my fault I did nothing wrong and she still even loved me to some extent. She said it was because she was unhappy for a long time, and because we&#x27;re too reliant on each other and she just wants to live alone for once. This makes no sense to me because we bought a cat together less than a month before that, we also renewed the lease less than 3 months before and had our anniversary where we went out all day together and had a great time, she didn&#x27;t seem unhappy at all. I also have a large friend group I hang out with and never had an issue providing space if she asked, if anything I&#x27;ve always been the more independent one. I hate speculating because its not fair but this is relevant, she&#x27;s been having a miserable time at work lately, she also just dropped out of college for the second time, and I&#x27;ve been too busy with work for us to go on date nights so we mostly just watched tv and talked the last couple months. On top of that there&#x27;s a guy she met at her job about 2 months ago that she hangs out with and seems to like a lot, she assures me he isn&#x27;t involved even though from what I can tell he&#x27;s been flirting with her even though he was aware she wasn&#x27;t single. She has also started hanging out with this guy slightly (like once maybe twice a week mostly after work for a few hours) more since we broke up. So my thought is her real reasoning is she&#x27;s been unhappy recently and became infatuated with another person, and has been having doubts about committing so early in life so she decided to leave to see if she could do better either with this person or alone. And because she thinks this will hurt me she doesn&#x27;t want to say it. But I&#x27;m also not an unbiased observer so take that with a grain of salt. Either way in the end I ended up talking with her at length one last time to say I wanted to break up with her too to make it mutual, and it was the truth mostly because while we were dating and now during the breakup she refused to communicate while I&#x27;ve tried to be open as best I can. I thought that would help clear the air and put us on even footing, but it was the last time we had a real conversation.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Anyway mostly due to the lease we still live together now despite being broken up. I have 2 small rooms 1 is my bedroom and the other is my office, I use the hall bathroom outside the master bedroom. She has the master bedroom which accommodates a bed and her desk and stuff, it has a bathroom and closet attached. I still use the kitchen and living room a little, but she essentially never goes downstairs unless she has no choice. Now I take care of all the chores except her laundry, I take care of the cats and chinchilla alone. Since the breakup she essentially goes out all day for work or with her best friend, or hides in her room with the door shut when she is here.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+My problem is that despite her saying she doesn&#x27;t dislike me and that we could even still be friends she now avoids me. At this point I&#x27;m no longer emotional, I&#x27;m still hurt but I respect her enough that I&#x27;m not trying to rekindle what we had. Whatever her reasons she&#x27;s an adult and can do what she wants and I have reasons of my own, especially now, not to want her back. I say this because if I was begging her to come back every time I saw her it would make sense to avoid me, but I&#x27;m not I&#x27;m just trying to be friendly and civil since we are still roommates and have to see each other. I thought we could even at least be friends again at some point. Despite this and her saying we could still be friends when I&#x27;m out in the house she doesn&#x27;t come out, and if I come out while she&#x27;s out she leaves immediately. Generally this is fine, if she wants space she can have it. But when I do speak to her either to say hello or ask something she gets super agitated and starts walking towards her room while I&#x27;m still talking and as soon as I&#x27;m done and she give me a terse answer she shuts the door and locks it so I can hear as if I&#x27;m a threat to be kept out. When I text her about leftovers or ask a question or just to send her a meme she leaves me on read every time. This has been fine for 2 weeks because I thought it would get better and for one of the weeks I literally didn&#x27;t see her physically and only texted her about food and having people over one night. After that long stint I tried to strike up a conversation thinking a week of no contact would have helped, but now she&#x27;s angry every time I&#x27;m near she refuses to even speak to me more than a few terse words. She&#x27;s avoiding me and treating in a way that I almost mark as malicious, but again I&#x27;m not unbiased.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+So with the way things are going she went from silent treatment for 3 days, to a semi civil break up, to ghosting me for a week, and now as far as I can tell hating my guts. It just seems to be getting worse, and as it is right now I honestly can&#x27;t stand living with her for the rest of the lease if this is permanent. So I ask you people of reddit, can you empathize with her? If you can I need to know, is it that she had a different reason to break up she won&#x27;t tell me and now avoids me out of guilt? Is she going through a depression and I need to be patient? Should I just say fuck the lease and leave at a large cost and effort, or ask her to leave? Is there anything you can say or do to help a person acting this way? Should I just leave her alone and hope it gets better?
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Answer any of my questions or provide whatever advice you can. Ask any questions for clarity you need I&#x27;ll try to answer.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+tl;dr My long term gf broke up with me out of nowhere and won&#x27;t tell me clearly why. We still live together and I take care of the house and the pets while she avoids me, or treats me like her worst enemy when she does see or have to speak to me. I don&#x27;t want to date again, but I still like her as a person and would love to be friends. What do I do.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2022-10-24</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yc97d9/cant_open_a_conversation_about_messiness/" target="_blank" class="title">Can&#x27;t open a conversation about messiness</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hello Reddit. I am at my wit&#x27;s end so hopefully someone can help me out here! Me (35M) and my partner (35F) have a great relationship since 7 years -- with the usual annoyances and arguments from time to time, but honestly we&#x27;re doing great and although this post is about a problem, I would need a thousand posts to describe all the positive things! But there&#x27;s a recurring issue that&#x27;s been around for years and that we&#x27;re just not able to resolve together, and I would love some advice, please.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+TLDR: My partner has trouble throwing things away and will put a lot of things on ever-growing piles where they stay in limbo. I get a huge amount of stress from seeing these piles and knowing that behind closed doors (closets, drawers) there are even more of these piles -- and even just thinking about those places, let alone physically looking inside one of them, makes me mentally and physically very stressed. Bringing this up is an almost-certain recipe for a big argument and so far it almost never gets resolved. This has been going on for maybe 4-5 years by now and **I need help with how to bring this up in a way that doesn&#x27;t make her feel like I&#x27;m attacking her while also leading to some kind of action/compromise that we can both live with.** Or how I can change myself so it bothers me less.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+My partner is one of those people that has a tendency to put off little things when she feels busy or overwhelmed, to deal with them later. That&#x27;s normal, I&#x27;m like that too. But the way it manifests itself is she will put things on piles throughout the house for days, weeks, months and in some cases years, without any idea when those items will be sorted out. Examples:
+
+* After returning from a hiking vacation, the map that we used during the hike
+* A candle holder that we both really don&#x27;t like
+* A $2 receipt for a coffee from a trip she made 10 years ago
+* Cards announcing that friends have had a baby
+* Information brochures from a shop that we&#x27;ve visited
+* A broken printer
+* Receipts from supermarkets and other stores
+* Mail, lots of mail! And magazines
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Having these things is totally normal! And wanting to keep some of these things is totally normal too! The problem is that these things will usually first go &#x27;temporarily&#x27; into certain highly visible places, specifically: the kitchen island, the dining table, or a large closet (this last one is really huge and I would estimate contains maybe 90% her things and 10% mine, and of her 90% I would estimate about 40% is unsorted objects like the stuff in the list above), and then they will stay there for months or even years until the pile gets too big. And while in some cases the objects might really be sorted out (given or thrown away, or if she decides to keep it put in a more permanent place), in other cases they&#x27;ll just be moved to another pile (often, that large closet). I&#x27;d love if we could find a way doing this decision much earlier of whether we want to keep it (*and then put it in a logical place*) or not (*and then we might as well get rid of it now rather than at some to be determined point in the future*).
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Almost whenever I bring this subject up, we very quickly end up having an argument. I&#x27;m definitely part of the problem here: this situation just gives me so much stress, and I&#x27;m wary of sparking an argument so already I avoid bringing it up, so when I do bring it up there&#x27;s accumulated stress and annoyance from my side. And my partner mostly reacts in a similar way as well: she&#x27;ll bring up how many things she has on her plate, how sometimes I leave things lying around as well, how she&#x27;s done a lot of other things around the house (both of these are 100% true), and when she gets more angry how she doesn&#x27;t want to &quot;completely change&quot; because what I &quot;want&quot; her to. Pretty quickly I get angry and she gets angry and it just becomes a big argument.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+So far the solutions she&#x27;s brought up are i) me *granting* her a place in the house where she can store these piles (e.g., a desk or a room); ii) buying more storage space, like another closet or installing shelves, to store these things; and iii) waiting until a day when she has the time to go through these things. For me, i and ii in this list actually create more stress, because I kind of worry that having even more spaces to store things would lead to even more things being stored and for longer, in a kind of limbo state. We already have many items untouched for years in boxes in the attic as well as in that large closet so that&#x27;s why I worry that creating more storage spaces will just lead to more things being stored like this and for longer. And for iii, this has been going on for so long that I kind of feel like we&#x27;d just continue waiting for Godot.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+There is 1 example of when it kind of worked out, which is when I took one of the bigger piles while she wasn&#x27;t home and sorted it into 3 smaller piles, with things that I thought she would definitely want to keep, things of which I was sure she didn&#x27;t want to keep, and things that she needed to decide herself (this pile was larger than the other 2). When she first got home she got really stressed out and said &quot;noooooo I really don&#x27;t want to have to deal with this.&quot; And although it was painful for her to spend 30 minutes with me going through those 3 piles, when it was done she also felt good about it and was thankful that I&#x27;d helped her with this. And she speculated that she&#x27;s got 2 characteristics that complicate this situation: she&#x27;s indecisive and feels uncomfortable definitively deciding to get rid of something (*I might need it in the future*) and she doesn&#x27;t like to be wasteful and haphazardly throw things away when there&#x27;s already so much pollution in the world. But unfortunately that was really an exception and almost all other times this would lead to a big argument.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Well, this story is too long already. Hopefully there&#x27;s enough info here for someone to be able to offer some advice. Does anyone have any tips of how I could approach this situation?</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2022-09-26</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xoi1ju/update_last_night_i_asked_the_woman_im_seriously/" target="_blank" class="title">Update &quot;Last night I asked the woman I&#x27;m seriously dating what she thought was the worst thing about me, now she has told me to leave her alone, how can I fix this?&quot;</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I received a lot of hate and vitriol yesterday from my post many wild assumptions/accusations were made that I think was mostly gaslighting and projecting types of behavior. Many commenters assumed the worst of me and were making just plain mean and rude assumptions about my character that werent based on anything other than conjecture. To the people saying that I should have dumped her, ran the other way, or not reached out in anyway after she said to leave her alone, being that avoidant will never bring things back to a point of repair. There is a balance between respecting space and boundaries and bringing things into a repair sense, you cant repair without communication. Either way, she texted me, I called her back and asked if I could come over to apologize in person but I understood if not, she obliged, and we were able to repair things and I feel like understand eachother even better now. How people navigate conflict says a lot about the type of person and partner you are and I think we both do that exceptionally well.
+
+To the people saying its cringe to describe myself as empathetic or thats deluded. Well I think most people are empathetic and its a pretty sad view of people if you dont see that. I never said I care more about other people more than anybody else, I dont get where the assumptions come from. I never said or suggested that she isnt allowed to have the time or space to process some of the recent things shes been through and Ive been extremely supportive and considerate of that. Im not perfect though and it can be hard at times as well. That in no way should be received as shutting down the conversation. To be honest, I dont actually want anything to change about her behavior or sharing of things with me. It was an entirely pointless and needless thing to even say. I was not intending to shut her down and I really value things being shared with me and do feel like she can talk openly and honestly about the past with me, just sometimes when its related to this 1 person it can be sort of hard to hear, but that is OKAY!
+
+To the people saying she is not ready for a committed defined relationship, of course, we&#x27;ve talked in depth about that and agree about that. Timing is not good. We do share a special connection that came entirely unexpectedly and it&#x27;s worth the risk/is something to cherish. I&#x27;m also going to be traveling solo around the world the next 3 months and that will be hugely positive for her to be able to mourn, process, and grow on her own without me being a distraction from that.
+
+Also to the people criticizing me for making a point of having weekly relationship checkins and saying that is creepy, I recommend looking into some books like &quot;Hold Me Tight&quot; by Sue Johnson, or following thesecurerelationship on Instagram. For some reason I trust a licensed relationship psychologist better than randos on Reddit on that matter.
+
+I realized I had made an egregious mistake and it was out of character and was seeking advice on how to bring things back to a point of repair. Of course it was stupid, selfish, and toxic way to communicate and a vile/cruel conversation. I regret what happened and would take it back if I could but am making the steps to not make such dumb mistakes in the future.
+
+Nevertheless there was some excellent advice in the thread and I was able to mend things and get back on track through simple honesty and sincere/open communication when I wasn&#x27;t drunk. We talked about better ways to voice concerns and to be more aware of time/place when having a heavy conversation. Overall I am fine talking about her ex and Ive never lied about that, but also sometimes it can be hard to hear. Nothing is black and white or 100% in my mind and its okay for feelings and emotions about things to change with time. I need to better communicate when I dont have the emotional capacity or energy to engage in those conversations so that it doesnt bubble up in a horrible and toxic way later on.
+
+Thank you to the few people that did not attack me and actually provided some solid advice. It was definitely helpful.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2022-09-22</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xlgl0e/guy_im_hooking_up_with_couldnt_get_hard_and_now/" target="_blank" class="title">Guy I&#x27;m hooking up with couldn&#x27;t get hard and now seems to be ghosting me</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hi Reddit
+
+I&#x27;d really appreciate some advice on how to deal with a situation that&#x27;s taking way too much space on my mind and it absolutely shouldn&#x27;t. I&#x27;ll try to keep it short. Masculine points of view will be very welcome!!! ;)
+
+I&#x27;m getting to know this guy, he&#x27;s a colleague at my new workplace (I know, bad choice). I&#x27;m really into him for several reasons, in all honesty I thought we were super compatible. We see each other 3x week.
+
+We went out together a couple times and it was actually very nice. We then arranged to meet for sex at his place. The attraction seemed undeniable on both sides so it felt like the natural thing to do next. However, when the crucial point came, he was totally unable to get hard. It was just impossible - he blamed it on stress and pressure, later even said it had nothing to do with me since I was super hot.
+
+Well, it&#x27;s been nearly 2 weeks after that and we barely talk or interact at all. The cool chemistry we seemed to have is off, and I can&#x27;t shake the feeling that he&#x27;s acting cold and uninterested towards me.
+
+I have reassured him that I didn&#x27;t think anything negative of what happened, and I have stated that we can also hang out in non-sexual ways so that neither of us feels pressured and gets performance anxiety. He said he really appreciated it but hasn&#x27;t asked me out ever since or suggested any plans. After these events, he insinuated he was a little embarrassed but then we kissed one day as if everything was normal and yet he doesn&#x27;t make any more moves - especially this week it felt like we barely talked or texted or said anything. His answers are super short and neutral :/
+
+I&#x27;m feeling a bit frustrated with the whole situation, especially since we see each other constantly and I hate all of the uncertainty.
+
+I should also mention we had very opposite energies in bed - I was very straight forward and shameless (not gonna lie, I was super horny) whereas he was more shy and cautious. I thought he was a bit intimated by how I conducted myself.
+
+I&#x27;d like to know what you guys think... Is it that he&#x27;s not attracted to me anymore? Could he be feeling embarrassed still? Should I open up to him and tell him I&#x27;m feeling weird &amp; I&#x27;d like to know what he thinks?? I&#x27;m going a bit crazy with the speculation and would love to just know what he&#x27;s thinking.
+
+How would you guys approach the situation?
+
+Thank you 💗
+
+Edit: I&#x27;d like to add extra information cause I think it could be helpful. He&#x27;s much older than I am (15 year difference). I&#x27;m in my mid twenties. I don&#x27;t know if this could also represent a big blow on his ego??? I mean, his age is irrelevant to me, I find him super attractive and interesting, but maybe for him it is a huge deal he couldn&#x27;t perform because he thinks he should look experienced or something??</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2022-08-18</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wrkg58/i_26f_need_advice_on_personality_of_two_men_30m/" target="_blank" class="title">I (26F) Need Advice on Personality of Two Men (30M &amp; 47M)</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hey Everyone! I need some advice on choosing between two men that I am dating (both are aware and consented). This is a throw away account since both follow me on Reddit. After dating both for several months they agreed that I need to make a final decision on which I prefer since they had other options that appear to be interested in them. I agree as it has been 7 months and I feel like I know both pretty well. However, they both come with different personalities and I am finding it hard to choose.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Guy 1 (30, M) his name is Mark. Mark is a wonderful guy. Pros: he and I give each other space and freedom, great communication between us - it&#x27;s actually impressive how well we think alike and the similar choices we make; he isn&#x27;t crazy affectionate but after speaking to him about my desires he actually changed and has gotten better (not 100% but he did make changes and I have felt a bit more wanted by him); he actually takes my advice and we work well with problem solving concerns; I also like he and I can talk about anything and have deep conversations. The only cons are: in terms of passion...it&#x27;s not really there. It&#x27;s almost child-like and I am a VERY passionate woman. So that&#x27;s been bothering me a bit. The other concern is that...sometimes he can appear distant because he enjoys his alone and personal time too much. Nothing wrong with it but it can be a bit lonely sometimes.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Guy 2 (47, M) his name is Patrick. Patrick and I are close to 20 years apart. He is not married and no kids. Patrick is somewhat the opposite of Mark. He is a VERY passionate lover - honestly, the best I have ever had - and he desires me. He and I will spend a lot of time together and he even tries to plan things (something Mark isn&#x27;t all that great with). He is crazy about me and thinks of me everywhere he goes - he will sometimes purchase things for me when he is out and about (something Mark doesn&#x27;t really do). He is a good communicator and we have definitely had deep conversations that intrigue us. The cons: Sometimes I am afraid that he may be too hypersexual - we can go 4x a day. I know as time goes on, what if I change...would he still want to be with me(?) Pat is also financially unaware - he has joked about his bank account being in the negatives because he sometimes can&#x27;t control his spending (Mark is financially responsible) and that terrifies me. I am just worried that that passion and sex-drive we have together is keeping me from seeing the cons/downfalls.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+TLDR; I am dating both men (consensually) and I enjoy both of their personalities - however, I need to decide which is a better fit and would be marriage material. If I could take a bit of personality from each guy I would be in heaven. However, that is not the case. Mark  is someone I could see myself marrying due to how well we work and communicate and how neutral our relationship is....but afraid that our lack of desire and passion will make me grow bored with him. On the other had, Patrick is still a sweet and wonderful man. When I am with him I feel like the only woman in the world that has his attention. However, I am afraid that the passion would die really quick due to the stress of his money management and potential lack of freedom he might not give me (speculation but I can potentially see it).
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Any suggestions or help would be appreciated. I am seriously in a bind and I have no idea what to do.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2021-11-29</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r4nrhj/my_20m_boyfriend_22m_is_still_updating_his_tinder/" target="_blank" class="title">My (20M) boyfriend (22M) is still updating his Tinder profile after we&#x27;ve been dating for over a year. What should I do?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now and we’ve been lost distance for much of it since I go to school in Pennsylvania and he lives and works in Illinois. I thought this wasn’t much of a problem as we try to make the most of our time together when we do get to spend it, however, I noticed some changes in his behavior recently.
+
+So some background: I only started noticing these changes after my grandma passed away and he attended the funeral with me (I was a complete mess since I had a breakdown at the thought of being around extended family. I’ve been trying to distance myself for many reasons that are all unrelated to this post).
+
+So usually we try to spend the whole day together when I visit and we stay out really late, even when he has work the next day. He used to even suggest things like staying a night in a hotel and just leaving to work from there, but recently he’s been sort of distant. When I drive down to visit him and family I always offer to pick him up from work or take him out to dinner (my treat) and normally he’s super down to hang out, but lately, I feel he’s been wanting to cut dates short and he’s taken much longer to respond to texts. I always try to give him space since I don’t want to be *that* kind of partner, so I also never brought this up to him since it’s just speculation as of now.
+
+Side note: I had tinder for my friend. I had tried to set her up on a date since I really wanted to go on a double date. The first guy didn’t pan out, so I elected to delete her account after she said she didn’t wanna try dating again. This was never a problem with him (or at least he never stated it was) as I made it very clear that it was for Jessica (fake name lol) and I showed him the account and everything as I didn’t want him to worry about it.
+
+Another side note: He never deleted his tinder when we started dating and even on some dates he’d openly swipe while I was next to him, but I never thought much of it. He stopped doing this nearing our one-year anniversary.
+
+Okay, back to the story, so I was home for Thanksgiving and I had just deleted my friend&#x27;s tinder off of my phone. I have no idea why, but I got this weird feeling that I should relog into my old tinder account. I did and was met with a screen saying that my account had been disabled yadda yadda yadda. So I went over to my messages tab and realized REALLY quickly that he had a different profile photo.. “okay” I thought, but I brushed it off and closed the app, not thinking much of it until just now.
+
+So I’m back in Pennsylvania for school and my friend and I were talking about her tinder when I remembered what I had seen and got curious again. I reopened the app and I saw his new profile photo. I then went through and realized he had not only two new photos (one of which I distinctly remembered had been taken WHILE we were dating (about 2 months before our anniversary), but he also had changed his bio from his cute dad joke that courted me to one that now included his height and some of his hobbies.
+
+I was floored, but I kept my composure and didn’t raise a peep about it. I don’t know what to do. Should I ask him about it? Should I just wait till I see him again and go through his phone? Although I really don’t wanna look like the jealous one or invade his privacy. This could all be nothing, but I’m just so worried because this is my first really stable relationship...
+
+Reddit, what should I do, and is this a sign that he’s possibly cheating?
+
+**Update**: Thanks for everyone’s advice. I talked to him about it and it wasn’t easy (I’m horrendously bad at confrontation), but I think we worked it out. While I don’t fully trust him again and likely won’t for a while, I’ll ride it out and see what happens. I’ll post any updates about it.</div>
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+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2021-11-16</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/quvpvm/update_kind_of_baby_steps_in_a_better_direction/" target="_blank" class="title">Update (Kind of?): Baby steps in a better direction with my FWB and maybe its just in my head. [30/M, 30/F]</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I was sort of hesitant to post an update, part of it is out of habit thinking that it&#x27;s not a big deal and I&#x27;m asking advice on something &quot;trivial&quot; at the same time I wanted to seek advice from others because I want to keep my relationship with this person going and see what may come to fruition. I would appreciate advice ya&#x27;ll would give me.
+
+For context I made a post previously with my concerns about goofing up with my FWB [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qr8k5u/i_30may_have_goofed_up_with_my_30friends_with/)
+
+When I wrote that it came from a place of anxiety and I have a tendency to overthink which I&#x27;m currently working on in Therapy.
+
+But to start things off things started getting a little better. I&#x27;m no longer hidden from her stories and in some ways its kind of a relief. To me I believed that we&#x27;re still ok, and she has thought of me; since it took some effort of navigating through instagram to unhide stories.
+
+Maybe there was something that was happening that I wasn&#x27;t suppose to see like some bad shit that was happening that I would be concerned about. She knows I&#x27;m the type of person who cares...but I digress I&#x27;m just speculating on things that may not even have happened including thoughts that spike my anxiety.
+
+Through advice of friends throughout the last hard couple of days was to give her space and so I have (its actually a bit difficult but still something I&#x27;m working on).
+
+It&#x27;s sorta lame to say and I get a little embarrassed saying sappy things but I missed her lol.
+
+It&#x27;s almost a week since I last texted her (no response)/seen her. Should I take initiative reach out within the next day or so and check in with her? Or leave it be till she&#x27;s done with the stuff that had her busy these past two weeks? Let her reach out to me?
+
+My gut says probably give her a little more time which is difficult because the other side wants to talk with her.
+
+I just can&#x27;t wait for things to be back to the way it was a few weeks back when we could hang, talk, have sex and look up tiktoks/memes.
+
+TLDR: Things seem better, and space was given for my FWB to focus things on her end and maybe it&#x27;s all in my head. Is it a good time to reach out now? Later? or let her reach out?</div>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2021-05-18</div>
+                </div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nfjfns/i_33f_cannot_get_over_my_husbands_38m_affair_even/" target="_blank" class="title">I (33F) cannot get over my husband’s (38M) affair even though I told him I forgave him</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Tl;dr at the bottom. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this post would be this long. Also, I’m new to Reddit.
+
+My (33F) marriage is falling apart. My husband (38M) and I have been married for 4 years and we have a child together. I don’t really know where to begin, so I’ll just start with where I think things started to take a downturn. A few years back my husband accepted a new position in a new city where I knew no one. My job easily allowed me to move, but I had no interactions with the coworkers in my new cities’ office and I started to feel pretty isolated. On top of this I started to feel like my husband was not contributing to our relationship. I was doing everything for us, cooking, cleaning, house searching, taking care of the pets, etc. I felt more like his secretary than his wife. He’d call and ask me to pick up his dry cleaning, or run to the store or call maintenance to fix something… I started to become snippy, short tempered and resentful. I knew he was working long hours at his new job, but I just felt like he wasn’t helping.
+
+Roughly a year later, I’m pregnant and everything starts to unravel quickly. One weekend he met up with a friend from out of town for drinks. I stayed home. Him and his friend got pretty drunk and at the end of the night he called me and asked me to pick him up because he could not drive. When we get home he immediately passes out. I heard his phone chime and I picked it up to see that his friend texted to ask if he made it home. I texted his friend back to let him know he was home safe. That’s when I notice that besides me and his friend, he was texting someone else that evening, we’ll name her Beth. The texts that evening were him asking her to come met him after his friend had left. She didn’t respond… The messages were not explicit but it was clear that they were at the very least emotionally involved. The messages only dated back a few weeks but there was enough there to see that this had been going on for quite some time, to the extent that they were telling each other “I love you.” They were also telling each other how if their circumstances were different they could be together and that their home lives were terrible. I lost it. I felt crushed. I didn’t know what to do.
+
+I sat there all night reading the messages over and over. Early the next morning Beth texted him something to extent of “sorry, I fell asleep. You should have texted earlier.” My blood boiled. I ended up texting her from my own phone letting her know I knew everything, that I had read their messages. She immediately texted my husband telling him that I had texted her and that she didn’t want to be “that girl” and that she’ll never talk to him again. She did not respond to me directly.
+
+When he woke up I confronted him. He told me that he didn’t mean to hurt me and that it was a friendship that got out of hand. That they never did anything other than talk and that he was sorry. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to leave but had no where to go. I just saw everything imploding, what was I supposed to do, I’m pregnant and live nowhere close to anyone I could go to. And I didn’t want to tell anyone because I was embarrassed. He said he’d end everything with her and he wanted us to work through this. I forgave him.
+
+This post is getting too long so I’ll skip over some things, mainly my suspicions that he did not end things with Beth.
+
+Now, present day, we are still together but mostly in name alone. Outwardly we act like things are fine, but just below the surface we couldn’t be further from ok. Every single day of my life I speculate about all the things he hasn’t told me. All the things that he’s lied to me about. I spend so much of my time thinking about what he’s doing behind my back and what he and Beth are doing. My attitude towards him has only grown more resentful. Every time I try to talk to him about it he gets frustrated and says that I’m stir things up from the past and accuse him of things that he’s not doing. I don’t know how to approach him about my insecurities without it sounding accusatory.
+
+I want things to work and to heal but I don’t know what to do to move forward. I feel like I’ve lived in this space for so long that I can’t see a way out. I see myself pushing him away constantly, almost unconsciously, any little thing that irritates me I cling to and get angry about it. I’m sullen and hostile constantly. I don’t want to be around me, I can’t blame him for not wanting to be around me either. To be clear, I don’t blame myself for his affair but I do see that my attitude towards him is not exactly welcoming.
+
+Does anyone have any advice for getting over things and letting them go? I tried therapy, but the therapist did not offer any constructive advice, if anything she made me more paranoid.
+
+tl;dr: my husband had an emotional affair and I initially forgave him but I can’t stop thinking about it and accusing him of continuing the affair. I want to get over it. Help me.</div>
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+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2020-08-17</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ib6o4a/how_do_i_end_this_with_someone_who_wont/" target="_blank" class="title">How do I end this with someone who won&#x27;t communicate?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">First off, this is not a throwaway account, I just joined forever ago and only started actively using reddit like maybe a month ago? And I&#x27;m still getting into it. So sorry for the low karma
+So this is a long, irritating story and I&#x27;m at the point where I just need help figuring out how to just end it. That&#x27;s my goal. Also I&#x27;ll do a TL;DR at the end because I struggle with writing concisely.
+So the story starts about 9 months ago. I used to play a specific game with a group of friends. I (21F) am the only woman in a group of 6 people. That&#x27;s honestly pretty standard for said game, when I go to competitions I am usually the only girl in about 30 people. So one day, C (32M) texts me and asks me if I want to hang out. I knew right off the bat what it was, and didn&#x27;t care. So I went over to his house to hang out with him and it obviously ended in sex. So then we were unspoken FWB for about 4 months. We did small things together but it was obvious he didn&#x27;t really enjoy being around me more than once a week or so. We never once discussed what we are or what&#x27;s expected. It worked ok until I got antsy. I&#x27;m not sure if this is just a me thing or what, but if I&#x27;m not getting any emotional joy out of being with someone, I usually lean towards a nonmonogamous thing. In other words, since it was clear that there was no commitment or even want for anything more than friends who have sex, I wanted to start sleeping with other people. But because COVID I didn&#x27;t. I decided I&#x27;d just tough it out. 2 more months go by, and I realize I want to discuss what we are. I want to know whether or not he wants a relationship with me (because like I said, up until this point it&#x27;s technically all just educated guesses) and if not I was going to move on because I needed to know the rules. So I text him asking him if he has time to get together and talk. He ghosts me for 2 weeks. So I try again, and he ghosts me for another 2 weeks! So finally I just text him and say &quot;I want to go back to being just friends.&quot; And he wrote back essentially saying that&#x27;s fine, but can we still play the game and hang out? I obviously say yes. I&#x27;m not one to lose a friendship over something silly. So a week goes by and he texts me and asks me if I want to come test out a new thing for the game with him? I said sure and head over. I smoke some weed and drink some (as I always do when playing casually, I live in Colorado btw) and we play for a little while. Then he starts to put his hands on me. I tell him I&#x27;m not down, and he stops for a bit. So I&#x27;m starting to sober up and getting ready to leave but not fully sober yet so I decide to stick around long enough to be fully sober (safe driving and all that). For some reason it takes way longer than usual to come down and by the time I&#x27;m fully safe to drive it&#x27;s past midnight and I&#x27;m exhausted. I&#x27;m also not safe to drive when I&#x27;m tired. He asks me if I want to spend the night, I say sure because I don&#x27;t particularly want to have to deal with ubering home then back in the morning to get my car before work. Mistake on my part. So I start trying to sleep, he starts trying to make moves on me. At this point I&#x27;m so exhausted and done with his shit that I say sure, let&#x27;s just get this over with. He&#x27;s clearly not gonna leave me alone. Mistake number 2, should&#x27;ve just gotten up, ordered an Uber, and left. So that happens, I leave in the morning, no big. Then a few weeks later he asks me to move in with him over the phone. No warning, completely out of the blue. I have my own furniture and place, so I asked him what he would do with the furniture that was in the room he wanted me to move into. He said &quot;just sell it.&quot; I can&#x27;t just sell my furniture, I have a very deep attachment to it because I spent a lot of time thinking about exactly how I want my space to look and feel and it&#x27;s a huge part of that. I think that&#x27;s pretty rude. So I at this point was insanely frustrated and just straight up asked him what he expected of me and whether he&#x27;d like to be in a relationship with me. Keep in mind we are around 8 months now. He said &quot;well I could maybe see myself being in a relationship with you, I want to take it slow and see how we feel.&quot; Which is a nonanswer and I kinda need an answer before I commit to moving in with him and also 8 months should definitely be long enough to know whether or not you want to be in a relationship. So at this point I&#x27;m done, he&#x27;s been texting me occasionally and I just respond with one word answers or similarly empty responses. Since I can&#x27;t talk to him in person since he runs at the first sign of a heavy in person convo, I can&#x27;t text him since he apparently won&#x27;t take me seriously or respect my wishes, and I&#x27;m uncomfortable ghosting him since we were friends long before we started seeing each other. I just want to get him to leave me alone and make it clear to him that I needed commitment and didn&#x27;t get it or even clear communication so it&#x27;s over. So I&#x27;m not sure if I should ghost him, or just text him and tell him it&#x27;s over and I don&#x27;t want to see or talk to him again (since he had no respect the last time), or something else. Open to suggestions, keep in mind I&#x27;m trying to not hurt him. Despite everything, he&#x27;s not a bad person.
+
+TL;DR Guy I was FWB for 7 months was wishy washy about relationship status and I can&#x27;t seem to end things with him due to him avoiding me, ignoring boundaries, etc. What&#x27;s the best way to end things without hurting him (still a good guy)?</div>
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+        <div class="card">
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2020-04-25</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/g7ylnj/how_to_move_on_from_two_heartbreaks_no_closure/" target="_blank" class="title">How to move on from two heartbreaks, no closure, shame, and stopping social media snooping?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">
+
+This is inherently so long. Sorry. Don&#x27;t read if you don&#x27;t have bags of time.
+
+Had a disappointing first high school relationship, combined with depression and low self-confidence I kind of avoided dating bar one summer fling and two hook-ups all the way from like 18-28 which I hugely regret now. Even if you fear rejection as I did, to postpone dating just makes it worse. I feel like I am &quot;behind&quot; now.
+
+Basically, I started to get my life together, exercising and socialising and quitting an MMO and other video games. I had a bad porn addiction which gave me some shame and guilt and some bad physical results, not full on ED but the results were not great.
+
+It was going well, so well that I met and started dating an American woman, &quot;Rosa&quot; (26F). She was in an open marriage and failing one at that. (I like to think I&#x27;m a moral guy and it was only because of the combination of these two factors I allowed it to happen but maybe I&#x27;m kidding myself) We started hooking up and it went better than expected. She had to emigrate back to America, it was already in motion before we met, and they had a five-year-old kid. We really had not been together in person long before she left, I admit from the beginning I got way too attached too fast and get too much validation from attention from the opposite gender.
+
+We went into a long distance open relationship (I guess I was scared she&#x27;d leave me if we tried to do long distance monogamy, but I had no intention of using it), and she was already planning to visit for a whole month in February. We figured we would enjoy the month and amicably break up on a high note or if it went so well, we&#x27;d start looking at how one of us could move.
+
+
+
+
+It didn&#x27;t last sadly, she was always angry at me for not texting as much as she liked (which was literally 24/7 all the time.) A lot of people in my town warned me to not get involved with her, saying she was a disreputable character and her relationship wasn&#x27;t as open as she led me to believe. They also said that I personally wouldn&#x27;t be able to handle it and the complications, and this was not an ideal return to the dating world for me.
+
+
+
+
+I ignored them obviously, but I guess subconsciously I did listen a bit and it gave me doubts, I did hold back a little bit emotionally, kind of heartbreak insurance if you will.
+
+
+
+
+I was away at an event in shared accommodation and a woman pretty much threw herself at me, in a way that doesn&#x27;t happen to average looking guys maybe more than once in a lifetime. I slept with her. The next day I did feel bad about it even though I was &#x27;allowed&#x27; (I guess open relationships aren&#x27;t for me) I eventually told Rosa everything. She flipped and got mad at me, said she probably wouldn&#x27;t sleep with me when she came back to England. I said I was sorry she was upset but if we weren&#x27;t going to be fully together when she got here, which was still months away, and it may be our last month together ever, it seems a bit mad to wait months for nothing. She tried to flip it round on me and say I was only interested in sex and gaslit me saying I didn&#x27;t know what I was talking about as I was inexperienced in (adult) relationships. Bear in mind at this point she was arguing about the amount of contact every day and so my thinking was that even the non-sexual part of the relationship wasn&#x27;t great either.
+
+I was involved in a political campaign and every day she&#x27;d kill my spirit and morale for the day. I loved our daily video chats but hated feeling obligated to constantly text.
+
+
+
+
+She eventually slept with her husband (they had been staying in separate rooms apparently) and couldn&#x27;t see how that was worse than me sleeping with a random, she \*really\* seemed to lack empathy and self-awareness sometimes.
+
+Eventually I broke it off. I felt awful about it, I knew I was over attached and it probably wouldn&#x27;t work out, I felt like I had to force my brain to ignore my heart and do the right thing and leave it alone.
+
+
+
+
+After the campaign was over, I did message her and we talked a little, but she had already moved on in a short space of time. Strangely I had just started talking to her best friend back in England, &quot;Poppy&quot; (26F). We got chatting a lot and had a lot in common, we were both left wing and vegan and had similar backgrounds and other values (outside of her having traumatic early years)
+
+She had separated from her husband as he was.... It&#x27;s not my place to go into it, but by her account, a piece of shit to her. Rosa had been the one who encouraged her to do it and had her come and stay with her.
+
+Poppy told me a lot about Rosa, bad stuff, but in the context of trying to make me feel better, like the relationship wasn&#x27;t worth mourning type of thing. I thought it was cool how she was doing all this emotional labour for me, at great risk, I could go ranting to my ex about these facts and she&#x27;d obviously have been the source. She didn&#x27;t know me well enough to be sure I wouldn&#x27;t do that, but she did it anyway.
+
+
+
+
+She told me that Rosa had lied about being in an open relationship. She had come out as bisexual and their stupid arrangement was that they could both sleep with women, so she wasn&#x27;t meant to be sleeping with men. I was told this by someone else and when I asked her, she denied it, but now it was true after all.
+
+She was already talking to someone else when I broke up with her and had told Poppy she was thinking of finishing with me.
+
+She had encouraged Poppy to sleep with her (Rosas) husband, but then flipped out at him because apparently the rule was it wasn&#x27;t supposed to be in their bed, allegedly he knew this, and Poppy didn&#x27;t.
+
+We speculated she used the ensuing fight as an excuse to leverage a full open relationship out of him, and to thus justify our thing going forward.
+
+Hearing all this stuff made me feel physically sick.
+
+
+
+
+Suddenly on new year’s Poppy came over mine at a crazy time in the morning wanting to talk, she wasn&#x27;t happy in her new relationship, he had requested it not be an open one but then emotionally cheated flirting with other women graphically. I was happy to be able to return the favour and repay all the listening and stuff.
+
+She opened the relationship with him, but he took it so badly she ended up ending it soon after.
+
+We then started hooking up. Not only had she helped me get over my ex. but now I was with her and she seemed to be an even better match in every way.
+
+In retrospect there were some huge red flags I completely ignored: She said she&#x27;d cheated in every past relationship, except the one preceding me presumably. (from lack of need given the timing). She said she had issues (hey so do I) but the difference was she said she&#x27;d never go to therapy, she went once and &quot;it made her realise things she didn&#x27;t want to think about&quot; which to me is the whole point, the only way out is through.
+
+She made a comment about &quot;even if this doesn&#x27;t last forever&quot;, but when I said &quot;are you not happy with me or you just mean statistically we are unlikely to be each other’s last relationship&quot; and she went with the second one.
+
+She made a comment about how she thought I seemed like the kind of guy who&#x27;d stay friends with her if we ever broke up. It was said as a compliment, but it made me nervous.
+
+These were all isolated comments over a period of months and made sense in context but combined in hindsight...
+
+Rosa was due for her visit soon, the fucked up part is I was supposed to be picking her up from the airport and we were supposedly all going to hang out as friends, Poppy had only told her we were friends because Rosa said she never wanted her to hook up with me. Rather than see it as a red flag that she didn&#x27;t tell her best friend the truth I saw it as a green one that she wanted to see me anyway. The idea was to not spoil the visit. I&#x27;d keep my distance, and when Rosa left she probably wouldn&#x27;t ever visit again, and at that point I was going to have the whole &quot;so what are we&quot; conversation but I figured it was best to get this out of the way first. I hated talking to Rosa knowing what I knew and not being able to say. I was a little cold with her.
+
+When we first hung out we would both dunk on Rosa a lot, but I got it out of my system and because I had someone new it was very easy to let go and look back on her fondly, at the very least she was the way I met Poppy so I tried to be positive.
+
+Weirdly Poppy talked about her more than I did, borderline obsessed possibly, another red flag ignored. Rosa was scared that after her husband Poppy wanted &quot;everything I had&quot;, which Poppy thought was hypocritical as she had encouraged her to sleep with her husband.
+
+People who knew them often talked shit about the pair of them as they were like a duo, but one of the things Poppy said to me that endeared me to her was that &quot;everyone thinks I want to be just like her but I&#x27;m not like that&quot;.
+
+Rosa arrived, staying with Poppy and Poppy’s ex (not the husband). Poppy even snuck out one day to my house just to come and perform a sex act on me, I felt so valued.
+
+Suddenly a few days before my birthday, where I had all my best friends down. Poppy breaks up with me by text. She said she doesn&#x27;t want to see me anymore, not that she can&#x27;t. She had a heart to heart with Rosa and realised their friendship still meant a lot after all and she didn&#x27;t want to not be able to mention her boyfriend or not share that part of her life with her, she chose her over me basically. Even though when the month was up, she&#x27;d basically just be a pen pal for the rest of her life.
+
+She still didn&#x27;t tell her that we had been together physically, although she suspected. So, this friendship meant so much that she couldn&#x27;t live without it, but not enough to tell the truth?! It drove me crazy.
+
+I naively thought we could all be friends one day, years down the line holidaying to America, (their kids were friends and the same age) and so on.
+
+I went out for my birthday a few days later broken hearted, I already had a bit of a midlife crises about turning 30 but not having amounted to much but meeting Rosa then Poppy had gotten rid of that, but it all came crashing back combined with heartbreak.
+
+When we got to the local club, I saw Rosa and was friendly to her, but she blew me off. (I had sent her a shitty text when she was partially to blame for me being dumped, kind of to the effect of &quot;you broke my heart twice I hope you are happy, you are so lucky she has lower standards for friends than boyfriends&quot; or something shitty like that)
+
+I saw Poppy but she didn&#x27;t see me and then I saw the two of them dancing with a guy before Poppy made out with him.
+
+I had a panic attack like a coward and went home. I sent her a shitty text like &quot;hope he makes you really happy, glad you were able to move on so quick. Don&#x27;t know why I shouldn&#x27;t tell Rosa everything&quot; She kind of gave me a &quot;do what you want I did what I did I&#x27;ll have to face the consequences&quot;
+
+I still loved her and didn&#x27;t want to tank her best friendship out of spite. Rosa called me looking for her and I blew up on her a bit. She kept interrupting me to repeatedly ask if me and Poppy had slept together but I refused to give a straight answer.
+
+I oscillated between fury and self-loathing. I told Rosa that our relationship had meant nothing, and it was all built on her lies and stuff like that. The idea being that if I could convince her of that then she&#x27;d have no reason to effectively veto me and Poppy being together.
+
+Rosa ended up leaving more than a week early because she missed her boyfriend back home (apparently he was also controlling and shitty so that might be a factor) she went back to another guys hotel room but he was apparently throwing up all night.
+
+I stayed friends with Poppy, and we hung out a bunch of times, but it was heart-breaking as much as it was fun. I really hoped after Rosa was gone, she&#x27;d sort of forget her and remember me.
+
+In the end I flipped out and love bombed her by getting gifts delivered (the same gifts I was planning on getting her for valentines, she dumped me just before anyway and also said to not get her anything while Rosa was there) but it also contained a really fucking cringey four page letter saying I couldn&#x27;t be friends with her anymore or talk to her anymore and I blocked her on everything.
+
+I wrote a six-page letter for Rosa but never sent it. I did try and reach out to her a bunch of times but on the final attempt, through contacting her sister, I was told “I was dead to her.”
+
+
+
+
+In the end I sent one PM to Poppy apologising for how OTT the letter was but understood if it put her off being friends with me ever again. No reply. I reached out to a friend of hers when the Covid stuff kicked off and she told me they were well and that was cutting contact allegedly for my benefit so I could get over her.
+
+One of my friends, who used to be a friend of hers, said that she has Self-Defeating personality disorder and ruins every relationship she&#x27;s in. Another theory was that Poppy was suffering from comphet (she did say to me once that she liked women but couldn&#x27;t see herself being in a relationship with one) she and Rosa possibly had some weird almost romantic or sexual thing, possibly only in one direction, they were both bisexuals but never hooked up. They did have a habit of sending each other partial nudes in the morning. Poppy’s first salvo of flirting with me by text was sending the days side by side of them and saying about how she didn&#x27;t find Rosa attractive. I assumed this was a kind of &quot;look how much cuter I am then your old girl&quot; but maybe it was some weird pathology. Maybe I was just a weird pawn in their game. Poppy also has a nudes account on reddit, she had some leaked years ago so found it empowering to do it herself. I wasn&#x27;t bothered by it while we were together.
+
+(Side note, apparently nudes of gf&#x27;s are a grey area in the pornfree community, the general rule is &quot;if it feels like porn it&#x27;s porn, if it doesn&#x27;t it’s probably ok)
+
+I didn&#x27;t want to let myself off the hook. I did a tonne of introspection and I think I have narcissistic personality disorder. I loved bombed, rushed intimacy, mirrored, maybe even attempted to hoover them both at the end. That&#x27;s why the letter was such weird shit and I way I oscillated between grandiose and entitled and self-loathing so much. I whinged to my supportive friends so much one of them snapped and called me out on being a self-absorbed person and I want to be better, it nearly cost me that friendship I&#x27;m now trying to repair.
+
+I&#x27;ve been doing a tonne of research and really don&#x27;t want to be that person; I want to be a good guy and a good partner one day. I want to practice behavioural substitutions. I always overthought social interactions anyway so at least I can watch out for my bad habits instead of mind reading and catastrophising others.
+
+I&#x27;m working out loads to have something else to be proud of to get some self-esteem, (and to also be a better lover). I don&#x27;t want it to end like this.
+
+But the final hurdle is this:
+
+I leave it for weeks and then morbid curiosity makes me check her nudes account. Not to do anything with but just morbid curiosity. I&#x27;d see a different mirror than was in her house and my heart would break. The fucked-up part is I found out she now quarantining and fucking her husband despite how awful she was. I get a horrible feeling in my stomach it&#x27;s like a negative downer drug dispenser. I look at her normal reddit account and now her husbands too and it&#x27;s totally stalkery and inappropriate. I blocked the accounts on my reddit, but you can search from them when not logged in easily. I can&#x27;t get them to block me because reddit doesn&#x27;t work that way it&#x27;s shit and annoying.
+
+I even look at Rosas snapchat stories, which I don&#x27;t think she realises I can see. I wanted to tell a mutual friend to tell her to block me as I&#x27;m sure she wouldn&#x27;t want me seeing them but now I&#x27;m scared I&#x27;d be &quot;using a narcissistic agent&quot; which is bad.
+
+The only way I avoid vices is by putting a degree of separation in them. Like I don&#x27;t eat snack foods at home because I don&#x27;t buy any from the store. If I want to stop picking a wound, I put a bandage on and so on. I have an app that I must tell every day if I looked at porn or not.
+
+But looking at social medias of other people is a tap away on a smartphone my willpower doesn&#x27;t kick in fast enough.
+
+I&#x27;m suffering bad narcissistic mortification and it couldn&#x27;t have come at a worse time than this quarantine. I&#x27;m supposed to be emigrating to start a new life and move on, but I can&#x27;t fly now. I feel like I&#x27;ve ruined the chance of having one of the best friendships of my life with Poppy if I had just swallowed my wounded pride.
+
+I&#x27;ll never get closure or answers to my million questions.
+ What else did either of them lie about?
+ Did Poppy use her as an excuse to break up with me?
+ Was she lying about how bad her husband was to her?
+ Will I ever be able to accurately gauge how much of it was my fault versus theirs because of my narcissistic bullshit?
+
+Did Poppy ever tell Rosa the truth?
+
+Does Rosa know Poppy is back with her own husband even though she went to so much effort to break them up?
+
+Did Rosa intend to hook up with me again and didn&#x27;t expect me to have moved on with Poppy (in our final exchange she said I &quot;ruined everything&quot; but that doesn&#x27;t make sense, her life got marriage fell apart finally during the guy after me&#x27;s time...)
+ Are Poppy and Rosa even still friends?
+
+Should I bite the bullet and tell someone to tell Rosa to block me on snapchat?
+
+I&#x27;ve tried to be creative I&#x27;ve wrote some stand up and I&#x27;m working on a story I&#x27;d want to make into a novel and adapt into a series or movies but now I&#x27;m worried that’s a narcissistic fantasy of success. I feel happy when I work out but that&#x27;s only like 2 hours every other day...
+
+If anyone has made it to the end of this waffle can you offer me any advice at all? The pain has faded waaaaay down but mentally I can&#x27;t seem to move on fully and let those loose ends go. I guess part of me wants both relationships to have had value, and don&#x27;t want to feel like I wasted my time. But perhaps the only way to move on is the realise that all 3 of us were assholes, or maybe just me, and I just need to take lessons and move on.
+
+Anyway, I know I am/was a narcissistic immature weirdo, so I’m happy to receive savage criticism if it’s constructive. I just don’t know how to proceed. Life now is completely uncharted waters for me and I’m rudderless.</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2019-09-03</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cz33n0/my_fiancee_28f_and_i_29m_love_each_other_but_she/" target="_blank" class="title">My Fiancee [28F] and I [29M] love each other, but she cant choose me over other people</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hello reddit. I hope someone here can help me.
+
+My fiancee and I have been together for almost 6 years, and we have been engaged for 4. We are at an impasse where we love each other, and we cant imagine living without one another, but she has been unhappy with our life for some time.
+
+She wants an open relationship, but I am completely monogamous to the point where I am uncomfortable with the idea of her flirting with anyone but me. I am a jealous person as it is, but she doesn&#x27;t feel I am unreasonable in my expectations, but she is so desperately unhappy.
+
+We have had a couple of hiccups on the road. The first was an incident where we were working ourselves into the ground, our living situation wasn&#x27;t great and we were neglecting each other. I caught her chatting sexually with someone she&#x27;d previously been intimate with. It cut me deeply, but I understood her reasons and forgave her.
+
+About 2 years ago, I found out she had been planning to meet up with someone else she met online for sex while she was on a trip away. We talked about opening up our relationship back then, but I just couldn&#x27;t handle the idea of her being with someone else, compounded by the fact that my trust in her was shot for a second time. It was a hard bridge to cross, but we did.
+
+Over these last few months, she has been getting close to a new friend \[20M\] who is just coming out of a messy relationship himself. She has been spending a lot of time with him because he feels he is only able to confide in her, he lacks a support network, and professionals are dismissing him. Over this time, I have expressed that this person makes me anxious and insecure. He has been all &#x27;up in our life&#x27; for a while now, and even when she and I are cuddling on the sofa, they are messaging each other. She told me I had nothing to worry about, she only wants me, and he is not a threat to our relationship.
+
+This has all come to a head now, as she has asked for the freedom to be able to cuddle and comfort him. I wanted to give her that freedom, but I couldn&#x27;t get over the idea that something more was there. It got messy. I managed to talk to this new friend properly about things, and he confessed that he does have feelings for her, and if my fiance and I weren&#x27;t together, he would want to be with her. After asking her about her feelings, she says she doesn&#x27;t know how she feels about him, either sexually or romantically.
+
+We spoke more about our experiences so far, and the crux of it is this: she wants an open relationship. she wants freedoms which don&#x27;t come with a closed relationship.
+
+She felt like she didn&#x27;t want to be in the house with me. She wanted to be elsewhere, because being around me was making her feel guilty of the things she was asking of me, and knowing how anxious it made me feel. She so badly doesn&#x27;t want to hurt me, but she couldn&#x27;t be around me.
+
+She ended up staying at the new friend&#x27;s house overnight, with the promise that absolutely nothing was going to happen, and off she went. I didn&#x27;t sleep that night. It was hell.
+
+I decided to try my best for her. I looked up every amount of advice I could find about how to cope with something like this. I really evaluated what an open relationship would mean. I wrote down a list of rules and boundaries that would help me feel less insecure about it, and at the time, sex and romance weren&#x27;t even on the cards, just the ability to cuddle someone else. We looked at the rules together, and it seemed like a good starting point at least.
+
+The next day came around, and she said she still needed space, and she wanted to visit him again. Again, I agreed it was OK, but as the night went on, I got more and more anxious. I was unhappy that immediately after such a traumatic time, she was absent. I felt neglected. I asked her to come home, and she couldn&#x27;t.
+
+Here we are now, between a rock and a hard place. We love each other. Our lives are so heavily intertwined. We are still engaged, we have a mortgage and a pet, we have plans to go away to America in December, and there are still so many things we want to experience together, and we cant bear the thought of losing each other.
+
+My worry is that her glass has always been half empty. No matter how many friends she has, how much she has, or how good things are, she has always tried to fill it. I have never really been enough for her. She knows I have given everything to her, I have always been faithful, and I&#x27;ve only ever had room in my heart for love where she is concerned; but even I am not enough to fill that glass.
+
+But the decision is hers now. She needs to able to commit, and choose me over other people, and she doesn&#x27;t know if she can. We have discussed the idea of taking a break, to know what it might be like to live a life without me in it, and decide if she is happier living that life.
+
+I am not sure what advice I am asking for here. I am just pouring my heart out to the internet because I&#x27;m scared of losing her. Living in her world is the emotional equivalent of stepping into open flames for me, and her living in my world is making her miserable. I don&#x27;t see a way out, and I&#x27;m terrified of what that means.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+edit: perhaps the internet was not the place to be looking for wisdom, but there have been a few insightful comments that aren&#x27;t based on conjecture and assumption. Thank you to those people.</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2019-08-21</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ctoohq/i30m_set_a_boundary_for_my_wife_27f_that_she/" target="_blank" class="title">I(30M) set a boundary for my wife (27F) that she doesn&#x27;t respect.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">&amp;#x200B;
+
+**The Origins**: My wife and I met in college, had plenty of shared hobbies and interests, went on several dates, fell in love, graduated, moved in together, and eventually married: queue &quot;picket fences and babies!&quot; speeches from both sides of the family. Both of us decided it would be best to, although discuss often our opinions and feelings, not have a child until careers/debt was situated. Wife and I continued the trend of DINKhood for five years, focusing on ourselves, our jobs, and our future. Adopted a dog, landed careers, moved out of our home town, attempted to &#x27;live the dream&#x27;.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+**The Ask**: AITA for setting a boundary and asking my wife to back channel information to me prior to having private get-together solos with male counterparts from work, as a means to rebuild trust? She moved to a new job recently, and we have a bit of history with this type of situation.
+
+**The Problem**: Her and I don&#x27;t see eye to eye as to why this boundary is set in the first place. To me, it is unprofessional to have intimate conversations about private matters with a co-worker off the clock without extenuating circumstances; whereas, she disagrees and doesn&#x27;t see any issue. Rather than uphold the boundary, even though we both agree one cannot control who one receives texts from, she continues private phone conversations, texts, and outings with male coworkers in non-professional environments/settings uninhibited. I feel it inane to forbid her to develop friendships or platonic relationships with co-workers during or at work. I do ask, however, that out of respect of our past, she include me in her plans (not physically, only logistically). Ultimately, the problem I have isn&#x27;t with the person, or persons, but the implied intent, secrecy, and mistrust. And since starting her new job, several men from work have been texting her personal phone, spending time with her in private off-the-clock, taking her to lunch, buying her lunch, and even encouraging, as well as actually deciding which school she should go back to under the direction/suggestion of yet another man at work.
+
+**The Context**: Shortly after graduation, my wife found employment at an IT firm. It took me a little longer to find a job in my field; however, I managed to secure a position with a company where I had plenty of opportunity to work out of the home. I loved the job, but I never thought the novelty of working from home would wear off so quickly. I found myself doing anything to leave the house, striving to finish my chores and husbandry duties on the clock, just so I wouldn&#x27;t be tethered to the house come quitting time.
+
+Since the house was my new office\[an actual room in the house dedicated to our shared office space\], the only thing that made sense was to &quot;go home&quot;, so to speak, as soon as I got off work. I&#x27;d utilize my lunch breaks to run errands, go shopping, clean the house, or play with our dog. After work, I&#x27;d leave the house to go jogging, go cruising in my car, literally anything I could find to do out of the house until my wife was also off of work. A new change, for sure, but one I&#x27;d grow adjusted to. The freedom of working from home, at least, was something I enjoyed. The downside, however, is that despite my free time, I gained a considerable amount of weight. I noticed a change in my wife, as well.
+
+She seemed more and more occupied at work, which I was happy for as I read this as her being busy or fulfilled with her career, even if she was hardly as available. Although I did start noticing language which struck me as very standoffish when her time was requested away from work (an event comes to mind where I surprised her at work with a gift, having never been to her office before, only to be pushed out and accused of embarrassing her in front of her &#x27;guy friends&#x27;). Lastly, and the largest of my growing concerns, was our time outside of work where it appeared as though she seemed compelled to talk about her experiences with the many men she worked with. It was during some of these exchanges I expressed my expectation for the time we&#x27;d spend together, beyond our daily &#x27;how was your day&#x27; debrief. This became habit and common place during &quot;after-work&quot; hours across the duration of her employment there, to the point where we began having differences of opinions regarding the subject.
+
+It was during these discussions when she started confiding in me about things in our relationship she did /not/ like: always questioning her motives and behaviors, not trusting her, how I need to seek therapy, not challenging her, never wanting to come home due to these types of conversations, feeling smothered, heavier drinking, expectations after coming home, and a slew of other verbatims I&#x27;ve since internalized and reflected. Then, I assumed this was what I needed. An action plan. I set out to work.
+
+Next phase was company gatherings/parties, where I would join as a guest, but feel overlooked in regards of courtesy (Jumping straight into drinks and full-fledged work talk before a &quot;hey Jake, this is my husband cett-sraw\_substrate&quot; as an early example). I did my best to speak to her peers to the best of my (technical) knowledge, and I built a few good relationships with her co-workers; however, it wasn&#x27;t relationship building I was concerned with: It was the subtle arm touching, the incessant bragging to me about her career successes with other men, the academic one-upsmanship she&#x27;d test me with when discussing the topic of work(I initially assumed it was because I couldn&#x27;t speak their &quot;tech language&quot;). I was at a loss, so I tried to be civil and voice my concerns in private.
+
+Queue the following: feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, overall unattractive-ness, fear, anxiety, you name it, I had it. Projection was my biggest talent. I hated who I was then, and I was always quick to admit it, yet never willing to put in the hard work needed to constitute change: constant discussions about signals, flags, and feelings, constant drinking, increasing number of discussions about work and subsequent arguments that would follow. I was 100 pounds overweight and filled with fear that my wife was, undoubtedly, enjoying her time at work more than her time at home.
+
+One day, my wife is having a discussion with a co-worker (who we can call C), and C has been dealing with some pretty heavy shit in the last year: loss in the family, mental issues, substance abuse, marital issues. My wife contacts me and asks if, perhaps, I can share some perspective and talk to C. I&#x27;ve dealt with substance abuse and alcohol abuse in my family, so I understood why she would ask. Hell, I had my own drinking problems, maybe we could commiserate? What I didn&#x27;t expect, however, was C&#x27;s surprised and confused reaction when I called. He wasn&#x27;t expecting my call, nor did my wife tell him I was calling. At this time, my wife stopped responding to me so I did what I felt was justified in finding the context on my own. The company used Skype for communications, which was installed on both of our computers--so I fired hers up and began skimming through the conversation.
+
+What I found leading up to the present conversation was questionable at best - very recent covert conversations about intimate, private details regarding each others lives, and something specific that caught my eye (in an exchange that went something like this):
+
+W: C, what&#x27;s wrong?? Someone just told me you left.
+
+C: I don&#x27;t know, I just can&#x27;t take this anymore.
+
+W: Take what?
+
+C: What we talked about before...
+
+W: I thought we agreed to never talk about that again?
+
+C: Yeah...well
+
+W: Maybe you should talk to someone? Have you talked to your wife?
+
+C: She wouldn&#x27;t understand
+
+W: You can still talk to me.
+
+C: Yeah...but
+
+W: But what?
+
+C: Nothing..
+
+Eventually, this ended with him threatening to hurt himself, my wife reaching out to me and then requesting I call him and talk to him as I had previously stated. After I sift through their texts, I call her to explain that I tried calling C and got little response from him (&quot;hey you okay?&quot; &quot;Yeah, why wouldn&#x27;t I be?&quot; kinda conversation), withholding the additional information I&#x27;d found. We disengage and I start to see they&#x27;re having an active conversation, along the lines of &quot;...why would he call me? you told him? why would you tell him?&quot; &quot;I asked him to call you and he read our texts&quot; &quot;Call me&quot; &quot;Ok&quot;.
+
+Upon her arrival home, I continuously I asked her exactly what they talked about in regards to their &#x27;agreement never to speak of this again&#x27;, and continually it was downplayed as something benign. She immediately changed all of her passwords. *All of them*. Cited I was a risk to her company by being on her computer and reading her non-business, &quot;business&quot; Skype chat. I wanted truth, but fear and anxiety was what I found. I felt blocked. So I confronted C at his home, despite my wife&#x27;s objection, and set clear boundaries that his martial and drinking problems should be met to his therapist, not his coworker. I also recorded the conversation. I informed him that the conversations he&#x27;d been having with my wife were inappropriate at best, and borderline HR concerns if the company found out. He admitted that he would stop and get help.
+
+Fast forward 6 months: Started and endured singles and couples therapy, re-examined boundaries and courtesies, moved again and closed on a house, made strides at communicating and opening channels of honesty. I come home one day and my wife somberly offered me her phone, open to a text thread. She showed me very lewd and sexual tests from C, suggesting partnerships with my wife, both physically or non physically, depending on how far she wanted to take it. In the texts, she was very professional at denying his requests, but\[speculation\] was seemingly eager to help him flesh out his &#x27;interests&#x27; (suggesting things like craigslist, tinder, counseling, having his wife onboard). He claimed his own wife was on board, but it was difficult to make progress, that he&#x27;d &quot;rather do it with someone he trusts&quot;, at which point she provides a hard &quot;no.&quot;
+
+I should preface this part with how both of us have reflected back to this situation as healthy, that we were both calm, collected, and I didn&#x27;t do what she normally expects (get upset or start blaming her)--we were very cordial throughout this interaction. I immediately told her this was a problem, and that if she had nothing to do with it (which was her claim and I believed her), that she report him immediately. I told her I would talk to him yet again, but she vehemently refuted that suggestion and furiously suggested she could handle it on her own. She admitted then, the &#x27;thing they agreed to never discuss&#x27; was C comparing his wife to mine, and how he wished my wife was more like his. This was difficult to process; however, I knew that there was another person out there possibly suffering to the same extent I felt as I was, so I ultimately texted his wife screenshots of the conversation. To no surprise of my own, she was (obviously) in the dark, and he later texted my wife directly &quot;You talked to my wife? hey, way to fucking go for that.&quot; to which /I/ responded &quot;Correction, cett-sraw\_substrate did,&quot;.
+
+She motioned with HR to file a complaint. C was reprimanded and terminated for sexual harassment; however, not before my wife was written up by the company for several &quot;inappropriate actions/conversations&quot; within the building, conversations that preceded his termination, including talking sex shop with both men and women in the office, inappropriate touching, partial removal of clothes. Her attitude\[speculation\] was kind of &quot;I guess they&#x27;ll be getting rid of him, so if I admit to this, everything will go back to normal&quot;. It was after the next therapy sessions that she admitted to having an affair.
+
+Shortly thereafter, I found out I, and 300 other employees, were being laid off. New mortgage? Check. Job loss? Check. Overweight? Check. Unhappy? Check. Dealing with feelings of insecurity and confessed infidelity? Check. All aboard the train to fuckitville, passengers: me. I suppose things could always be worse...
+
+This was all about 2 years ago.
+
+It was about this time that I checked myself into camp un-fuck yourself. I couldn&#x27;t let it\[me\] end this way. Moreover, I was so sick and tired of blaming everyone else for my problems except myself: whether it be my weight, my drinking, my eating, my relationships, my expectations, the paradigms I was taught, everything. Mostly, I was done being unhappy. I started with the things I could control - started taking solo therapy more seriously, stopped worrying so much about what I couldn&#x27;t immediately change, started making short-term goals toward my future and not worrying about how many I hadn&#x27;t completed, stopped spending so much time in my head or worrying about what everyone else was doing behind my back, even if it meant being uncomfortable and unnervingly pulling that smart ass, paranoid voice out of my ears. I got out of bed when I didn&#x27;t want to, stopped with the mouth pleasure when all I wanted to do was SadSnack™, pushed myself to do 2 miles on a stationary bike instead of 1, and simply not be satisfied with myself until I was. This was the real honesty for which I was searching. It was like a light switch, where OFF was now ON. My life changed. I started listening to Taoist lectures about meditation and finding oneself, quit drinking, doing drugs, made it to onederland, kept going, stopped posting on social media, stopped seeking validation (constantly), unplugged from notification mentality, started engaging people in person, started being more social, and otherwise, much happier.
+
+My goal, as odd to me as it seemed before, wasn&#x27;t to focus on fixing my relationship with my wife, but my relationship with myself. Would I be happy if, throughout my journey, my relationship with my wife would strengthen? Absolutely thrilled. But I wasn&#x27;t changing for her. What I wanted from her was simple: for us to rebuild trust, what I need from her was transparency and honesty.
+
+Since her employment with the company in the last year, however, I&#x27;ve seen:
+
+* Physical and inappropriate touching at a Holiday Event
+* Failure to introduce or mention one&#x27;s spouse
+* Not one, but four ongoing conversations with men from work with her personal phone
+* Someone unrelated to her hierarchy essentially deciding a) she goes back to school and b) where to go
+(As a caveat, I am fully supportive of her going to school; it&#x27;s the execution and discretion of the decision that is bothersome).
+* Luncheons and private time with men at work not disclosed or disseminated over trickling truths.
+* Motivation to work and address work-related issues off the clock increases (hourly, not salary).
+
+Mike Skinner once wrote a lyric in a song that has stuck with me since the first time I&#x27;ve heard it:
+   &quot;No one&#x27;s really there fighting for you in the last garrison, no one except yourself, that is, no one except you. You are the one who&#x27;s got your back &#x27;til the last deed&#x27;s done.&quot;
+
+**Author&#x27;s Note**: I&#x27;m at a crossroad - and maybe this is the wrong place to put this issue if the narration offends the rules. I suppose what I am seeking from Reddit is whether or not this type of context matters, if the ask is simply too much in a field where she works predominately with men, or if I&#x27;m just an asshole for thinking too much about what someone else is doing.  I have no problem with a man befriending my wife, or having a professional/personal/platonic relationship: in fact, of the men she is friends with outside of work--old colleague or school mates--introductions, rapport, and relationship structure was reasonable and logical, not secret and intimate.</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2019-06-24</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/c4f1mb/its_over_and_its_time_for_me_to_move_onm25_f_23/" target="_blank" class="title">It&#x27;s Over, and It&#x27;s Time for Me To Move On....M(25) - F (23) (LONG READ)</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I honestly don&#x27;t even know why I&#x27;m posting it as I&#x27;ve told the story to so many, but maybe Reddit can help me get different angles of whats going on. This is going to be a long read, but a good one, I promise.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Where do I begin....I met my other half roughly 4 years ago through a casual friend. At first we hit it off great, but it was very obvious she just wanted to be friends and I wasn&#x27;t her type. I kept pursuing and eventually she said yes to being my girlfriend. The first two years are great, we travel together, she becomes extremely close to my family (and still talks to my mom), we talk about marriage (which she pushed on me very early and I told her I wasn&#x27;t ready) and kids (which I reply I&#x27;m not ready for kids anytime soon). Overall, we are happy....or so I thought.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Fast forward to roughly a month ago. We&#x27;ve had our fair share of ups and downs (year 3 is always the hardest) but nothing really for what was about to happen. We get into a minor fight over me leaving and not telling her from a mutual friends place and her blowing up my phone. I deserved that, I had done it before and I apologized and said I just wanted to go home and go to bed.....The next morning I wake up to the worst text I had ever received - &quot;I think we need a break.&quot; I honestly at first laughed and texted back &quot;Yup we sure do,&quot; as I was angry at her for over reacting. She tells me shes going to move her stuff into the spare bedroom and I reply I&#x27;ll gladly help as I threw her blanket and pillows into the room. She gets home and I just laugh it off and joke but she is dead serious - we are done. I make us lunch and she talks about how we will be great friends and this is good for us. I tell her I think shes making a huge mistake to throw this away after almost 4 years of dating, living together for 3 of those years, and have two cats together. She doesn&#x27;t budge. I start to realize this is serious and ask her to have a serious talk. We go upstairs and she basically breaks down....she loves me as a person, but isn&#x27;t in love with me anymore are her exact words. It hurt to hear those come from somebody you just moved into a new place with not even a month ago signing a year lease together....I tell her let&#x27;s figure this out - work things through but she&#x27;s already checked out. Shes only emotional at this point because she knows its going to hurt to see me hurting so bad and she confesses its much easier for her then me at this point. I beg and plead, become desperate but I know she&#x27;s already gone....
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Fast forward a week. I&#x27;m struggling - we are still living together, me in my room and her in her own room. Things are on thin ice, we don&#x27;t talk, look, or even want to be near each other. We went out with some friends and I started talking to some girls - she got extremely jealous...she retaliates the next day by downloading tinder. I call her on it when I find out and she confesses and says shes not looking for a hookup, she just wants the attention. I tell her I&#x27;m going on a trip with a friend for the weekend away to create some space - she agrees its a great idea. I go on my trip with my friend with the sole intentions of trying to hookup - be the first the hurt the other, but I just can&#x27;t do it, I can&#x27;t find peace with myself to do that. Before we leave, I write a 4 page letter to her telling her that I still think it&#x27;s a big mistake to throw this away and that we should try again - work things out...I get no response. Saturday night I drink too much and tell my friend that I&#x27;m extremely depressed and I&#x27;ve had thoughts of hurting myself because of the pain. My best friend of many years grabs me by the arm and says to me &quot;Are things really that bad? Do you really think that doing that will solve any issues? Think of the people you will hurt if you did something like that.&quot; It hits me extremely hard and I break down knowing that if I ever did such a thing, I would leave so many people in my life who love me in shear pain. I tell him he is exactly right. I confess to him that I came on this trip solely to hurt her and not really work on myself. The drive home (roughly 12 hours), my friend and I talk the whole way and basically make the trip completely worth it. We talk about everything from the relationship, to life, to goals, work, etc. We get back to town and I feel amazing. I go home, where I&#x27;ve lately been having extreme anxiety due to the memories and just seeing her and go to sleep.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+The next week. We are on good terms now - talking and being civil. We talk about some of the things that wen&#x27;t wrong and how we are improving. I almost feel at this point she might be considering coming back and am getting mixed feelings. I ask her bluntly - she replies no, and if I feel that way I need to address them with her so she stops giving me these feelings. She has been sleeping on the floor this entire time (she went and bought a bed but it&#x27;s still not here) and I have caught her sneaking into my room when I&#x27;m not home and sleeping in there. She also keeps taking the food that I buy for work or just throughout the day. I don&#x27;t bring these up, I still haven&#x27;t and plan on it soon. She sits down and says she has something to tell me - but before I go into this conversation it&#x27;s important to know the details of this guy who we will refer to as Jim. Jim was a mutual friend of one of her friends. At first I had no issues with Jim and her relationship of being friends, but during a rocky period I believe that she may have opened up to him too much and possibly lead him on. Jim kisses her on the cheek one night as he has fallen for her and she feels completely guilty about it and tells me the next day. She felt as though she had cheated (which to be fair one can justify it was or wasn&#x27;t) but I tell her mistakes happen and I can look past a kiss on the cheek for a 3 year relationship. I contact Jim via text and tell him how uncool it was to do that and Jim replies like a typical douche - saying &quot;if only you knew the truth&quot; and &quot;she told me everything.&quot; I call her out and ask her what he means by these texts and she responds I swear on my life it was only a kiss on the cheek. I tell her she needs to block communication with Jim immediately and watch her as she removes him from our life. This happened 3-6 months prior to our breakup. Back to the story - she sits down and tells me she has gotten into contact with Jim again. I figured this would happen - just not so soon. She informs me that her and Jim plan on going on a camping trip a few hours away for the weekend. This really hurts me and stings and made me question if it really was just a kiss on the cheek that night and I bring it up again. She promises and swears that was all (she has never lied to me in the past and is a very honest person, so I truly do believe she is telling the truth). I tell her how this is a bad idea to jump into something so soon and she needs to find happiness in herself but she comes back she needs to know if there is a spark between them. She informs me if she feels uncomfortable at all, she will return home immediately. I overhear her face-timing Jim and they sound extremely comfortable together - laughing and talking (for the short duration I overheard, I couldn&#x27;t bear to listen to it so I walked away). As of today, she still isn&#x27;t home and left Friday. Our mutual friend informs me at first she thought she was doing it for the attention, but now thinks she is serious and wants to date Jim already. Mutual friend tells her to slow down and think things through and not jump into things - that&#x27;s the last I&#x27;ve heard.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+This weekend I&#x27;ve been sitting here at home, with her stuff just across the room full of anger and disappointment. How can she jump into something so soon after only being apart for 3 weeks? I honestly am proud of myself because I&#x27;m angry, but I thought I would handle this much much worse than I actually am. Before she left on the trip, I informed her she needs to move out and she agrees and tells me she is looking for a place to stay already. She has been extremely shady with our friends about this whole situation, even my best friend who is basically related to her has no idea what she is doing or why she is doing it. He agrees she is being weird and not her normal self - and extremely shady. I&#x27;ve been having days of ups and downs, a roller-coaster of emotion. I&#x27;ve been talking to a few girls but it just doesn&#x27;t feel the same - or even right. Her leaving on the trip I knew right away she had full intentions of being with Jim. Jim is the complete opposite of her, likes to do drugs, more of an introvert, and overall just a kind of weird guy in general. Jim is extremely good at smooth talking (I know this because she showed me the texts between them from the first incident), and I informed her before the trip that if Jim was willing to get in between our relationship to get to you, he would do it again. She doesn&#x27;t listen and shrugs it off.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+At this point of writing this, I feel almost empty. I tried hanging out with friends and it&#x27;s a great time but I still just feel empty. I really don&#x27;t want her to come home after this trip and wish she would just stay there forever. We share a lot of mutual friends (almost all of our friends are the same) and I already know things will be even more hard when we all start getting together and hanging out. I&#x27;m unsure of how to handle that portion - but I feel like when it happens I will know what to do. I&#x27;m not really one to speculate but most of my friends have seen these things before and think that she will go through a honeymoon phase with Jim and realize the grass isn&#x27;t greener and try to come back. I&#x27;ve thought about that a lot, and question - what will I do if she does try to come back? I was honestly so good to her - we never fought - hung out all the time - lived together for 3 years - sex life was good, she just felt that I lacked in showing affection to her at times (she REALLY likes attention, like...REALLY likes it). Some days I feel like fighting - asking her to come back but I know that at this point it won&#x27;t help anything, only make things worse...other days I feel like ghosting her, getting her moved out and deleting her out of my life (which is what I plan on doing once she moves out). I just struggle with the friends portion of it - they are all staying EXTREMELY mutual. My roommate speculates she will come back and the guilt will get to her and she will want to try again - at this point, I&#x27;m not convinced. I just feel like I&#x27;m in a rut....and I am having a hard time accepting it&#x27;s time to move on...but at the same time I feel like I should wait for her and see if this relationship between her and Jim does work out or not....but I know that&#x27;s not the right answer. I guess my question to Reddit is - what do I do now? How do I look past this when we still live together for the time being and see each other so much? Do I fight for this or let it go? This is my second serious relationship and even though we both had our flaws, I felt like she may have been the one that got away....
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+If you have any other questions I will respond to them the best way possible. I am using a throwaway to stay anonymous.</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2019-03-02</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/awd2zw/my_24m_ex_24f_is_not_getting_over_us_can_i_help/" target="_blank" class="title">My [24M] ex [24F] is not getting over us, can I help her or should I cut contact?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hi reddit,
+
+I would like to breeze through the current situation/question first, then provide more details/back story for the curious. Thank you for your advise and attention.
+
+My ex and I are friends and in touch. We&#x27;ve separated 8 months ago because I did not feel like our relationship was going anywhere, and because we ended up in different countries. I hoped she would feel the same way but she didn&#x27;t, but handled it maturely. We agreed that we both want to be friends, will be open about our future relationship, and didn&#x27;t exclude the possibility that in a few years we&#x27;d end up in the same city and things might spark again. I thought all was good, but perhaps the last point was a mistake, in retrospect.
+
+It was fine the first few months, but after a while she started acting affectionately towards me when we spoke or chatted - pet names, body language, simple stuff like that. At some point she then openly, but nonchalantly, admitted that she &quot;still loved me&quot;.
+
+I probed the topic gently, but she said she was fine and was dealing with things at her own pace and terms. She re-iterated that she is ok with me dating someone and living life, but her feelings are hers to manage. This broke my heart a little to be honest, but I tried to respect her wishes. But her behaviour hasn&#x27;t changed, and I tried putting a bit more distance between us. We now Skype once-twice a month at most, text maybe once every few days a bit. But the contents are still the same, she says she is worried that we speak so little and encourages us to spend more time together - online games, movies, etc; in fact she was last talking about how we could travel to Spain and Italy together when she gets her week off work in June.
+
+At this point I don&#x27;t feel like she is getting over us at all, and am wondering if I should be out of the picture to let her heal. I want to stress that cutting ties with her would be devastating for me too, because honestly she is an amazing friend, and we share a long history too. At least I would like to go through any other options first, so that&#x27;s why I&#x27;m here. Please help me.
+
+Option 1: I openly say we should spend time apart, or organically fade our conversation into obscurity. Either way she&#x27;ll see what I&#x27;m doing and it&#x27;ll be painful for her, but I&#x27;m sure she&#x27;ll be able to heal over time, and maybe we&#x27;ll be able to talk again at some point.
+
+Option 2: I reject her advances and move on, that means at some point I&#x27;ll date someone and tell her, etc etc. I&#x27;m afraid this&#x27;ll just hurt her same as option one, without giving her the space to move on.
+
+In particular, please advise me how to move on with dating. I did not do anything on this front due to work stress, but also maybe due to my situation with my ex, but now I would like to proceed. If I date someone I&#x27;ll have to tell her, I promised. If I am to cut contact, would it be better to do so before dating someone, or does it not matter anymore?
+
+Is there anything else? I would like to stay friends. I would like to see her happy, whether with another guy or not. I think at this point I&#x27;d best describe my feelings as towards a sister or cousin - warm and caring, but strictly not romantic.
+
+Thank you.
+
+---
+
+In more detail:
+
+My ex and I dated for nearly 3 years. We both had some relationships before, but nothing serious, so in many ways we were each others&#x27; firsts. As often happens in this case, we formed strong bonds, and were each others&#x27; worlds - best friend, confidante, lover, everything.
+
+But time went by, and as we graduated we ended up in different countries, even continents. We tried the long distance for a while, but it wasn&#x27;t working for me. Not only was it unclear whether we&#x27;d be able to reunite, but also I felt like I wanted a new relationship. There wasn&#x27;t anything deeper to that, maybe; at this age I didn&#x27;t want to marry and settle yet. Maybe that&#x27;s shallow. You decide for yourself.
+
+I felt like the distance and different careers were a reasonable conclusion to our relationship. We&#x27;ve met and grown. We have our respective paths now. We were both mature and reasonable. For about two months I was struggling with my feelings, double guessing myself and weighting options, before I decided to speak to her. By that time I was confident. I hoped she would see things in the same light.
+
+Sadly she didn&#x27;t, and in fact she thought that the long distance was working out well and she was thinking of us very long term. But she said she respects my feelings and it&#x27;s best we separate. We both agreed to stay friends, etc - what you&#x27;ve heard in my first paragraphs.
+
+Time went by but things didn&#x27;t cool down. Foolishly, I envisioned a future where we could be each other&#x27;s wingmen, be very open friends as our mutual experience would allow us, just be separate romantically. Obviously this isn&#x27;t happening now.
+
+When she was calling me pet names and told me she still loved me it was one thing, and I still had reasons to believe she was coping and these could be her ways, she just needed space. But now I can&#x27;t believe that anymore. She has an &quot;anonymous&quot; twitter account, which she knows I am subscribed to and is subscribed to me. But she also knows I barely ever use twitter so I&#x27;m not sure whether she intended for me to see her tweets. She recently was posting that she broke down crying during work because she keeps finding our old photos and such (don&#x27;t want to misrepresent it, but that&#x27;s the jist). And then the thing about the trip to Europe together. She mentioned that she&#x27;d like to work towards getting employed in the country I&#x27;m at now, which would under any other circumstances be wonderful, but not on impulse like this. This also puts pressure on me. What if I desire to move within that time? It&#x27;s clear that she wants to move here because of us, she isn&#x27;t hiding it really. I think, but this is just my speculation, that she framed it for herself like I want to &quot;have fun&quot; and explore around before settling down, but that we&#x27;re settling down together. Just my hunch, not that it matters. In any case I do not see it this way. I said I do not exclude us being back together in the future, but I meant a sort of &quot;in 5-10 years&quot; future. I now regret bringing this topic up during the breakup.
+
+And now we&#x27;re here. Not sure how to properly act in my situation. I think I&#x27;ve written out everything I could, but feel free to ask questions.</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
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+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2017-09-29</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/73b9ju/not_sure_if_my_boyfriend_22_m_has_my_best/" target="_blank" class="title">Not sure if my boyfriend (22 m) has my best interests (21 f)</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hi, first of all I apologize for the poor formatting, I&#x27;m doing this on mobile. Secondly, if there is a more appropriate place for this post, please let me know and I will promptly remove this post. Thanks.
+
+So my boyfriend and I have been together just over 4 years now. We&#x27;ve been through everything together just about, from getting arrested to moving cross-country. I even stopped attending school to take on more work hours in order to give him a better opportunity. I&#x27;ve always trusted him completely, as I&#x27;ve always been able to share any and everything with him without fear of being judged. Not to mention he took me in when I was 17 after I got kicked out of my home.
+
+Both of us struggle with mental illness, I have ptsd from an extremely abusive childhood and he has pretty severe ADHD. I&#x27;ve always stood by him and helped every way I could to ease things for him, even when his medication would cause him to lash out at me.
+
+Fast forward to a year or two later, he begins excelling in school to the point he is able to start attending a nicer university on the opposite side of the country. We immediately pack up and make the big move together. However, moving away from everything familiar really messed with me. I&#x27;ve never lived outside my small hometown, so the change has been hard to adjust to.
+
+It became obvious that the isolating feeling has aggravated my ptsd, making things a lot more difficult for me. As I&#x27;m starting to struggle to keep up, I realize he doesn&#x27;t want to help me the way I have supported him.
+
+Today, what started as a simple miscommunication turned into a giant argument, with him telling me I have bpd and he can&#x27;t deal with it anymore.
+
+He said this because I removed myself from the room to give him and myself some space after our miscommunication. It is very important for me to gain my own space when I feel upset, so I don&#x27;t get overwhelmed by my emotions.
+
+Whenever I tried to ask why he thinks that, his response would only be &quot;I read some things on reddit and I think you might be&quot;
+
+Any time I tried saying that is completely false (I&#x27;ve been diagnosed by actual professionals many times, none have ever speculated I have bod) he would disregard it, or tell me that I just have to &quot;help myself&quot;
+
+I feel as though he is ignoring my opinion because he is no longer interested in helping me out, and that it isn&#x27;t really about my mental health, but that he feels I&#x27;m holding him back and this is his only way of telling me I need to leave. I only say this because he briefly mentioned my &quot;laziness&quot; holds him back.
+
+tl;dr - my long time boyfriend does not seem to want to help me get better as a person because he&#x27;s grown tired of the relationship </div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2014-10-16</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/2jgk3s/23madvice_on_getting_ex_back/" target="_blank" class="title">[23/m]Advice on getting ex back??</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hello reddit, first time poster, long time reader.
+
+Wall of text inc so bear with me. Would like some advice on my current situation.
+
+  So I&#x27;ve been dating this girl for over 2 years. We just broke up a month ago, and I wasn&#x27;t happy about it but I agreed it would be mutual and we would still be best friends. The days following that I became so enraged and told her we could never be friends. I thought that by breaking off the friendship I would stop feeling so miserable and I could move on with my life. I insisted she return my things such as my clothes and keys, she said no that she wasn&#x27;t going to let that happen, and heavy, intense arguments followed.
+
+  Flash forward 3 weeks of no talking, and I learned a lot about my self. It was kind of my fault for the break up and I realize that now. My Dad passed away almost 1 year ago and it&#x27;s been a real struggle. She was with me through the whole thing and it really strengthened our bond. What I was unaware of at the time was I was building up a wall to block out every emotion and feeling. I just didn&#x27;t know how to handle it. And I unintentionally blocked feelings for her too, which caused the end of us.
+
+ About 2 days ago I recently let everything out I was holding behind that wall. I spilled everything to a very trusted older person and learned a lot about myself. Things came out of my own mouth that I never knew I felt. I feel so good for the first time in a long time and really know what I want from life. Among other things, I realized I still loved my ex and was not going to let this be the end. I told myself I will fight for her as hard or as long as it takes.
+
+ So I called her yesterday, and asked her for one hour just to talk in person. At first she said no, and I just said ok. Then an unexpected call that she freed up some time. I told her all the things I realized about myself. And that I couldn&#x27;t lose her friendship after everything we have been through. She was shocked to hear me say the exact stuff that ended our relationship and that I was going to fix those things for my self (and secretly hers). I don&#x27;t think she expected me to figure that out.
+
+ She told me that she was in a new relationship. My stomach nearly burst when I heard that. I couldn&#x27;t believe she could replace me so quick. But I kept my cool and said that&#x27;s ok I understand you need time and to see what else is out there. I told her that I&#x27;m not giving up on us and I&#x27;ll be patient and fight for you.
+
+ When I told her that I had hooked up with someone, she became pretty defensive and told me to keep it in my pants, made me promise to wear a condom, and she &quot;felt like she needed to reclaim what was hers.&quot; I told her if she was going to date someone else than so was I. The hour turned into about 4 and ended in a long make-out session. I know the more time I spend with her in person, The more I can show her I&#x27;m a totally new person and fixed the things that were wrong. I need advice on how to get more face time with her, not sound desperate but let her know I&#x27;m fighting hard, and fast track this thing back into our relationship.
+
+What I know I need to do:
+-Give her time
+-Give her space
+-Dont text/call ?
+-Focus on myself
+-Let this rebound relationship run its course
+
+
+But in the mean time how do I stop her new relationship from getting to me. I know the guy is, less attractive than me, shorter than her, no job, no car, big family(which she doesn&#x27;t like). These were all words out of her mouth, not my speculation.
+
+Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2014-05-16</div>
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+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/25pk7c/21m_22f_picking_up_on_odd_shit_not_delirious_or/" target="_blank" class="title">21/m 22/f Picking up on odd shit, not delirious or stupid genuine confusion</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Okay so, this has been on my mind since 520AM, about 2.5 hours. Angela a wonderful woman, unsure if she likes me or not, hard to fucking tell. Didn’t call me back last night because she was in a “funk” (What?) That sounds like total bullshit. Negative perception states she is lost, confused, and partially not ready to be swept off her feet. She is stringing me along until she finds out her decision. Unsure if she knows what she wants or not, like the rest of them. Unsure if her decision making relies soley on me or between two males. Again, that’s all speculation. My options for this weekend are to catch her at “etc, etc” a rave show hosted at Skyway Theatre. I understand the drugs and immaturity of the rave scene I really do, however this girl is the exception and I am confident in that. Kind of want to tell her to go fuck herself and that I’m not her little boy toy to sit around and whimper and wait for her to figure her shit out to be frank, I know what I want and I’m ready for it, I have been for the last 6 fuckin’ years. A bit of background, she has a level head on her shoulders, she’s right up my ally and I’m right up hers and causes for a great woman to make my own. I would also like to add she is “right” woman, not just a good one. The last few dates and interactions have gone flawless. We have been in a bit of fairytale mode. Chit-chatted here and there finally met up in person, decided to go out on a date, flawless, gives me all kinds of attention. This has been going on for nearly a month. Lately it has been “catch” me here or there. Unsure of what to make of this. Duly noted, I am not blowing her phone up I give her her space, I know what the fuck I’m doing women aren’t hard. However this one is giving me a run for my money and I love it. Okay enough bitching I haven’t slept in nearly 12 hours, fuck a night shift. Positive perception; she works two full time jobs, has shit to do, plus a life of her own that does not revolve around me. Understandable, however god damn bitch if you really like me you’d make time for me. There is nothing to be frustrated about she has given me the opportunity to see her another time – awesome why the fuck not. I mean shit the night before she posted on my wall “You and I. We have rad conversations, I dig it.” Implicating she digs wha we have to talk about, me,  or etc.  This or she’s on the rag, which sucks. I also understand women have their emotions come in waves, I experience it too, some nights I will feel “I don’t actually like her” additionally this is caused by pseudo perception, I’m fucking head over heels. (Maybe the same is applied?  Hopeful thought, possibly not real) Mind my errors in writing I’m getting shit faced to kill this amphetamine and go to bed, it’s my only day off. I get that all this takes time and blah blah, but I am truly baffled at this point, I think I am confused, because SHE IS.
+
+Reddit seriously not in the mood for dickhead responses (unless enlightening) what the fuck, I know I have made no error in process, I mean shit according to the books I’m right on cue, even other women are noticing, but I don’t want them or anything do to with them. I want this specific one girl. I don’t have trouble moving on rejection is normal and failure are all parts of success. So please don’t tell me what I already know, I’m asking am I being toyed with or am I overthinking it making the same mistake the rest of them men did? Men don’t reply if you don’t know what you’re talking about (especially if you’re single) cause like, save it, don’t wanna  hear  alpha this or that. If I wanted any ol’ girlfriend believe me that could be congregated in a minute, but I’m on the prowl for the right woman, one I can endure with for some time, this would be the one (perhaps  not, but seldom am I actually wrong fuck yeah I’m a goddamn narcissit how do you think I found reddit.) Am I just being a selfish dickwad like all the other men that fucked this up, or is she truly unsure about her feelings towards me? or do I just need to sleep and think about it then? I don’t give a fuck what the answer is at this point, I just hate wondering on a subject that realistically should hold no questions.
+</div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2013-05-27</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1f60vh/my24m_3_year_story_22f_xpost_from_roffmychest/" target="_blank" class="title">My[24/m] 3 year story [22/F]... x-post from r/offmychest</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I feel like a truly whiny bitch complaining about this shit but I&#x27;ll try to put it into perspective....
+
+So 3 years ago I began dating this girl that I&#x27;ve known through high school. Over the course of those 3 years, she became my best friend... and because of the events that have led to where I&#x27;m at now, I no longer have anyone to talk to. So I hope that sharing these memories will more just help me release, even if no one is really reading....
+
+In high school, we were barely acquaintances... let alone what someone would refer to as a &#x27;friend&#x27;. We lived in a small neighborhood and she was always emotionally unavailable. Constantly in long term relationships (6+ months) with a few other acquaintances from our couple blocks of &#x27;friends&#x27;. Not that I didn&#x27;t want to try... there was always something I noticed about her... still not even sure what it was to this day, just something that I felt.... not attraction... but a connection. But I never wanted to be &#x27;that guy&#x27;.
+
+One night in high school, I had a party at my house (parents were gone for the weekend) and she came. She was in her &#x27;separated&#x27; phase from one of the guys she was with at the time and we were all drinking having a good time as the night was winding down. I was laying on a lawn chair that had the back propped up, she came over, and sat on my lap. Now, before this, aside from my little crush I had forgot about, I couldn&#x27;t really recall any time that she&#x27;s ever shown me any affection. So I put my arms around her in a hug and she laid back on me. We we&#x27;re both a little drunk but my heart sank. It felt.... right. I&#x27;d never felt more comfortable in my life before then. After a few minutes she turned around and hugged me back and as she was pulling away, our cheeks brushed together and I thought for what seemed like an eternity but was only a split moment, that we were going to kiss.... but before that opportunity could happen, she pulled away, and just looked at me... not like she didn&#x27;t want to, but like she felt it was wrong. She never said anything though, just gave this regretful little smirk, stood up, and carried on with the party....
+
+Now just some background info on me... I don&#x27;t have long term relationship experience other than this one... Every girl I&#x27;ve ever been with has either left me for someone else, or cheated on me and I subsequently broke up with them after... I don&#x27;t maintain communications with my ex&#x27;s because I&#x27;ve been hurt so often and it has left me an insecure wreck...
+
+Fast forward... Years later, we&#x27;ve both since graduated and carried on with our lives separately... I was 21 and she was 19. I had seen, thanks to the world of Facebook, that she had been dumped by her boyfriend of a year (I think) and it had been a few weeks. She seemed down and I was in a band at the time that had a show coming up at the end of February of 2010. So on a whim I sent her a message asking if she&#x27;d like to buy some tickets. Nothing malicious, nothing intended from it, but ever since that night in high school, I just had this feeling... indescribable... we&#x27;ll just call it caring. I had no intention of anything coming from it, but I could tell she seemed depressed, so this seemed like a way to get her out and have a good night. I seen her a few days before the show so she could pick up the tickets, and we had a small chat, but nothing major. A few days later was the day of the show and I was hanging out, tossing a few back with the other members of the band, waiting for our set when I remember seeing her... I wasn&#x27;t drunk, but had a few to take the nervous edge off since this was my first major show (playing for roughly 100 people), but when I seen her that night, words could not describe how my heart sank to my feet... I couldn&#x27;t even comprehend anything that I was feeling because of my insecurities... all that I knew is that that whole night, I seen no one but her... It felt like everyone else were shadows and it was just me and her... I had to try.
+
+The entire time on the stage I played my heart out... I guess I was just trying to impress her... I just couldn&#x27;t stop looking at her in the crowd and she was looking at me with this smile... It just broke me... It was the single greatest moment in my life, and I had never spent more than a few hours with this girl. I couldn&#x27;t put this understanding together in my mind and because of my insecurities, I always try to rationalize everything. But this feeling... just made no sense.
+
+After we were done playing, we moved our equipment off stage. After that, I tried finding her as soon as I could... I just wanted to see her again, still not sure why to this day. All of my other friends I sold tickets too were coming up to me to congratulate me and tell me how &#x27;bad ass&#x27; it was, but it all just seemed like background noise... Finally I seen her, she gave me a huge hug and I picked her off the ground, she had this smile ear to ear and seemed (at least to me) to be glowing. At this point, I had a few more drinks in me and my liquid confidence was up (probably the whole playing on stage thing helped me too) but I just did the first thing that came to my mind... which happened to be to put my arm around her and say &quot;So... Facebook says your single.&quot; Her and her friend she had brought started laughing at the cheesy-ness of it but she did smile and respond with a timid &#x27;yeah...&#x27;. It wasn&#x27;t much but I was happy to be in her presence... I hadn&#x27;t been &#x27;happy&#x27; in longer than I could remember, and just in that moment, it seemed like things were working. That night I asked if she wanted to come over and hang out, she obliged, and before the end of the night we kissed. It was... well obviously unforgettable. A few weeks later, we made it &#x27;Facebook Official&#x27;... March 7th, 2010....
+
+Obviously this story has to have a down point to it, but there was a small trip before the hard fall... A month or 2 after we had been together, she was talking to her ex... I wont go into details but basically she dumped me because she was &#x27;confused&#x27;... I wallowed in misery and contemplated suicide... It was a cold night in late April (freezing temperatures) and left the house to go to a nearby park right by the lake in nothing but a hoodie and jeans. I laid down on a hill, took out my phone, and just text &#x27;good-bye&#x27; to her.... I wanted to either freeze to death, or wake up the next morning born again... either way, I just didn&#x27;t want to feel the way I did. A few moments later I heard a car, followed by a familiar voice calling my name... it was her... I don&#x27;t know if she did it to calm her guilt or what, but she assured me that she made a mistake, that I was who she wanted, that she&#x27;s never going to talk to him again, that nothing happened between them two in the days we were broken up, and that I could go through her phone if she didn&#x27;t believe me... I obliged and read through the conversations which basically boiled down her apologizing to him for her confusion, but that she was in love with me and that&#x27;s who she wanted to be with.
+
+After that, we kept the March 7th &#x27;Anniversary date&#x27; and the next 3 years were perfect. I mean I wont say we never fought. I have insecurities and she would talk to a few people that I viewed as less than trustworthy, but it was never malicious. I was always just worried that she&#x27;d leave me again, never said it but I had my paranoia...
+
+I wont bore with the details but we basically lived together. She stayed over every night, occasionally would sleep a night or 2 a month at her house if she had something to do, or had to be up early... but we did practically everything together. She even took an interest in my drag racing hobby (which she knew nothing about cars). She was my personal definition of perfect. I trusted her, the first girl that I trusted, well since ever. I thought everything was perfect.... until....
+
+She had a friend that sparked an argument early in our relationship that I knew for awhile, but was her &#x27;best&#x27; friend since she was 10 years old. They dated for a few months before &#x27;us&#x27; but she broke up with him (I think because she valued their friendship... truthfully I don&#x27;t really know). After that, he went into a downward spiral... basically worked meaningless, dead end jobs, blew all his money, etc... I&#x27;m not an angel, but I have priorities. During our relationship, all I seen was him using her to borrow money and get free haircuts... Obviously, I had dislike for this kid since he shared a connection to the only girl I ever truly loved (or at least I didn&#x27;t understand love until her) and he secretly hated me because I had what he couldn&#x27;t have. I&#x27;ve even had people tell both of us of him saying that I &#x27;didn&#x27;t deserve her&#x27;, and that she could &#x27;do better&#x27; than me. I resented him and it even got to the point (back to the early relationship argument) were I asked her &#x27;If I made you pick between us, who would you choose?&#x27;... she broke down and said &#x27;Please don&#x27;t make me do this.&#x27;, I told her just to answer the question and she responded with me... I felt a sigh of relief and told her &#x27;I would NEVER make you do that, I would never make you do something you didn&#x27;t want to do, I just needed to know.&#x27; After that, I didn&#x27;t let the once every 3 month conversations bother me too badly, she told me when they talked and when she would cut his hair, I was no longer worried, I just showed her that it still bothered me.... I guess I should of been worried...
+
+Fast forward to the downward spiral....
+
+January 2013.... I got a call from my girlfriend which I was on my lunch break and all she said was &#x27;(Name) OD last night, he&#x27;s dead&#x27;.. I responded with &quot;I&#x27;ll be right there...&#x27;. I couldn&#x27;t comprehend what she was going through, but I knew she was broken. He had gotten into heroin and was supposedly trying to get clean. Beyond that I cannot do anything but assume what was going through her mind from then till earlier this May... She knew I had such resentment toward him, for every little hardship and pain he put on our relationship and because of that, she couldn&#x27;t talk to me about it.... she couldn&#x27;t draw herself to talk to the one person who is supposed to be there for her for anything... and I couldn&#x27;t blame her. I was inhuman about my emotions about it, which broke me too... but I could never tell her my true feelings, I could never tell her that for the first time in my life, I was glad someone was dead... when she told me about him, I wanted to be there for her, but I knew she couldn&#x27;t be there for me... I knew she could never know how cold and dead I felt by that fact that I was happy over his death... I couldn&#x27;t talk to my best friend, about one of the coldest emotions I&#x27;ve ever felt in my life... and all I wanted was for her to talk to me...
+
+I guess I fucked up... because I didn&#x27;t push her to tell me what was bothering her.... We went on an amazing vacation after that for 10 days, continued to spend every day together, just continued life as usual... nothing really seemed off. I guess I was just blind... I don&#x27;t really know... She had the occasional moments where she broke down, but where becoming more a thing of the distant past with each passing day... until....
+
+About a few weeks prior to her breaking up with me, she had stayed home 3 times in one week... which I was confused as to why... everything seemed fine, so I pushed... finally she broke down and told me she needed her space... that she didn&#x27;t want to break up, she just wanted to &#x27;sort things out&#x27; in her mind. I&#x27;ll admit, I didn&#x27;t take it well at all... I couldn&#x27;t believe it because I thought things were getting better... During an argument I blurted out (and regret it more than you can understand) &#x27;Has all this started ever since that douchebag OD&#x27;d?!&#x27;...
+
+The next few weeks didn&#x27;t go so well... After the argument, while I was at work, she took everything she wanted out of the house and sent me a text message &#x27;I don&#x27;t want to you be blindsided, but I took some stuff out of the room, I just need some space.&#x27;... I wasn&#x27;t worried about it at the time, but when I made it home, I only seen her stuff from her side of the bed gone, until I looked and seen hanging from a thumbtack on the wall was her house key, and a necklace that I got her for her first birthday we we&#x27;re together.... I lost it... I calmly took everything down from the walls, took off the bed clothes, basically cleaned everything out that even remotely reminded me of her and bagged it up... I wasn&#x27;t removing her from my life... I just could sleep with the reminders... Everything just hurt too bad... I was a disaster. Even to this day I haven&#x27;t gotten more than an hour or 2 of consecutive sleep. I sent her a message in disbelief that she would do that... that she would leave the necklace of all things here... knowing what it was supposed to represent... She replied by making me feel like a piece of shit about getting as upset over it as I did... citing that its just a &#x27;material possession&#x27;... I guess she&#x27;s right, I dunno... It just hurt too much at the time....
+
+During her &#x27;space&#x27; time, she stayed over a few nights, would barely even kiss me, wouldn&#x27;t let me hold her, just came in, read her book while I watched TV, said good night, and that was it.... I still cherished her company... there was just that resentment I couldn&#x27;t get over. I couldn&#x27;t understand what happened... I couldn&#x27;t comprehend why someone that used to have a role in her life would affect her enough to throw away what I felt was a good relationship... I was completely blindsided and I still to this day don&#x27;t know why. All I knew is that I wanted her to kiss me as affectionately as she used to... just to show that she still loved me...
+
+I continued to give her space, she was working late at a side job and was due home around 10pm, I got off work at 7, so with a few hours to kill, I went and had a few drinks at a bar. Around 10 I cashed out my tab and was about to go to my car when I got a message from her &#x27;come outside&#x27;... It was May 8th....
+
+She came up and said she couldn&#x27;t do this anymore... that her feelings have &#x27;changed&#x27; she doesn&#x27;t know why... she told me rationalize it with the cliche &#x27;i love you, not in love with you&#x27; thing... that this had been going on for months... It wasn&#x27;t something that just happened... I still don&#x27;t really believe it.... I think she is still in love with me... I just don&#x27;t understand anything beyond that.... the only thing I understood was that I was dumped and devastated... I went back into the bar, and closed it down... When I finally arrived back home (not exactly remember driving home) I gathered every little thing she ever gave me, and everything that was ever bought for &#x27;us&#x27;, and left it on her doorstep...
+
+The next week consisted of continuous self medication to the point where even my boss pulled me into his office and said &#x27;I&#x27;m saying this as a friend, you need to stop, or you&#x27;re going to drink yourself to death.&#x27;...
+
+After my drunk week, I asked to talk to her... It wasn&#x27;t really a conversation but more like me talking, but I got a few things off my chest as well... I told her that I&#x27;m sorry if she took me giving her everything was a sign of kicking her out of my life, but it wasn&#x27;t... I told her I wanted everything back, every little thing, every little detail.... but only if she came with it... She said that this was just too hard to keep pretending she was ok.... I said I&#x27;d give her space, but I just wanted her to make one promise... that if she is talking to someone, starts talking to someone, or does anything with anyone, that she would just be honest and tell me.... doesn&#x27;t matter the time or as it&#x27;s happening, I just wanted to know so that I could try to move on then... she replied that she wanted me to move on now... which killed me inside, but I swallowed my pride and replied with &#x27;I know we&#x27;re stronger than this... I know we can work through anything....&#x27;. So she finally said &#x27;I promise&#x27;.
+
+I don&#x27;t have a tolerance for being replaceable... and as long as there is no one else taking the place of the void I left in her life, I&#x27;ll just sit here in my perpetual misery until she comes back... I cant give up... Everyone judges me saying &#x27;you can&#x27;t put your life on hold for someone who didn&#x27;t appreciate you enough to keep you&#x27;, and in a mild way I guess I won&#x27;t.... but other than her finding someone else, it would take someone absolutely amazing for me to move on, because that&#x27;s what this girl is to me.... absolutely amazing. Even now, I&#x27;d give up EVERYTHING just have her back. Just for her to get her emotions in order and come back to me... If she was ever &#x27;in love&#x27; with me, I know that she didn&#x27;t just fall out of love....
+
+Unfortunately I don&#x27;t have proof, other than I still trust her.... but my thought process is trying to kill me... I lay awake, tossing and turning at night wondering what she&#x27;s doing, who&#x27;s she&#x27;s talking to, who&#x27;s hitting on her, or who&#x27;s trying make her have that one momentary lapse of judgement that will cause me to either force myself to get over it, or finally push me over the edge...
+
+I haven&#x27;t been truthfully suicidal... I think everyone has those moments were they consider it, just to stop the pain... I know it&#x27;ll eventually go away eventually but truth is, I don&#x27;t want to get over it I just want her back... I cant stand the thought of &#x27;moving on&#x27; right now. The only thing holding me together is the fact that I still have hope...
+
+Which I guess will lead me to my final conclusion.... I&#x27;m a shell of my former self... I feel like a zombie... even going out and drinking is just a crutch that helps me hide my emotions better but they never really go away... I can&#x27;t sleep, and if it wouldn&#x27;t of devastated my parents, I&#x27;m sure I would have already &#x27;shut off the light&#x27; already... but I care about them too much to ever do that to them... So I never will... I guess I&#x27;m not really looking for advice or anything, I just wanted to talk to someone, but because the one person I talked to about anything that&#x27;s bothered me over the past 3 years found me expendable, I just hope that someone finds this story touching or helpful... If I could go back, I would of forced her to talk to me... even if she resented me and left me after that, I&#x27;d at least have a better understanding as to why... Why she decided to do this to me... But it&#x27;s true... people who talk about suicide are the ones who wont do it... and I don&#x27;t plan on it... but the thought is still there. It just hurts that she hasn&#x27;t even told me she misses me, which makes me wonder, does she not even miss me? Or is not missing me something she&#x27;s trying to convince herself to get over me?... Once again... all speculation since she wont talk to me... But it&#x27;s another thorn into my shattered metaphorical heart that I just can&#x27;t wrap my mind around.
+
+I guess AMA if you want, and input is appreciated, but I&#x27;ve pretty much made up my mind. I&#x27;m not really sure there&#x27;s anything left to say right now... I&#x27;m lying in wait, just hoping I&#x27;m strong enough to weather this storm...
+</div>
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+            <div class="card-header">
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2012-12-12</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14qbut/its_complicated_or_im_just_making_illusions_for/" target="_blank" class="title">It&#x27;s complicated... Or I&#x27;m just making illusions for myself and sth is wrong with me ...</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">It&#x27;s a throwaway, in case anybody wonders. This is very long-winded. I talk a lot... But maybe you find this interesting.
+
+I have been deliberating whether or not I should post this to reddit and see what other people think but at this point, why the hell not...
+
+So I am 26 and last year ended a 4 year relationship with the girl I met in university. We loved each other and had plans for the future but also had some compatibility issues. In the end, I stuck it out with her and she with me, until her visa issues forced her to leave Europe. We parted on amicable terms and still stay in contact but since our compatibility issues never were resolved, we agreed that we probably don&#x27;t have a future, even if she came back here or I went to Asia for her.
+
+Fast forward, nearly a year later, I am still taking this pretty hard, still a bit devastated, heartache, etc. . I am in no shape or form looking for another relationship and just try to work this out and get over it. My refuge and one of my hobbies have always been video games. In one of said video games, a real life friend of mine one day forwards me a contact of a decent player. I play with said person and we notice we like each other. Post game chats become longer and more off-topic and after I call the gamer &quot;dude&quot; some day, it turns out it&#x27;s a girl. Nothing special to me, I know girls play video games and I know girls exist so, yeah, not a big revelation or sth.
+
+Turns out that girl is 16 years old, we talk a lot and find out each other&#x27;s age, where we live, what we do, etc. etc. get to know each other.
+
+After a couple of days or weeks, she asks to add me on Skype. Why not. We voice chat a few times and I didn&#x27;t even notice to be honest, that we talk less and less about the game and more and more about each other, there is no obvious flirting but we get closer.
+
+A little later comments like &quot;I like your voice&quot; etc. show the first signs of light flirting.
+
+I do notice this and since I am not looking for anything and particularly since she is only 16 i dodge any flirt attempts and let the run into emptyness. Even though I do quickly realize and admit to myself that I like this girl a lot and that in many ways she is quite amazing and exhibiting character traits that I have been missing in many of my same-aged female companions in the past. More importantly, she is in many ways, the exact oppositve of my ex-girlfriend of 4 years in particularly those issues that created compatibility problems.
+
+Still, she is 16, so I try to create some distance and keep our relationship based on the video game.
+
+But this girl obviously likes me a lot too and doesn&#x27;t stop. I keep pushing her away, she keeps getting closer and doesn&#x27;t stop.
+
+Every time i tried to push her away or create dumb traps that would make her less desirable for me, she reacts in a completely unexpected and, to me, perfect way that makes her only more desirable.
+
+We start to spend most of our days on skype, chatting with each other and in the evenings playing and voice chatting with each other.
+
+After a while, I decide to give up. I want her, I have feelings for her and it is dumb and complicated but I know she feels the same so I decide for myself, if she wants this, I will try this crazyness.
+
+Not long after, I stay on skype with her after her family went to sleep, she takes her laptop to bed and wants me to keep talking to her. In that chat we have, she tells me that she loves me and I give up completely and tell her that I love her too.
+
+It is sort of idiotic, I know, but we talked about how crazy and complicated this is and would be and that it makes no sense to enter such a relationship without even having met in person. We have been video chatting quite a bit by that point. We like each other.
+
+We make plans to meet some time this year, for me to fly to her and try to meet.
+
+We are &quot;together&quot; this way for around 3 to 4 months when I get an opportunity to fly to her country. In the meantime, we were extremely happy &quot;together&quot; but also had our first unpleasant conversations and (in my eyes) small issues to work out. I notice her immaturity in this and that she likes to run away from problems instead of facing and solving them. I tend to do the opposite but am a good communicator and listener and can adjust to her. So we decide to keep going.
+
+I am not even sure anymore if I should fly there with our recent issues but to my surprise, she asks me to.
+
+I book a ticket and fly there, we beforehand agree that it might not be possible to meet, because her parents are not exactly thrilled about this and might not allow it but she promises to try what she can and I say if it isn&#x27;t possible, I will just get to know her city and culture and come back another time.
+
+When I arrive there, we talk less than we had when i was far away from her. I don&#x27;t take this as well as I thought and quickly feel lonely and out of place. Knowing no one and being rather bored with her city and country (I have been around the world and seen many places, it just wasn&#x27;t that interesting).
+
+After 2 days of being there, I make probably a rather big mistake. I felt weak and lonely and I tell her that. Tell her that I came here because of her and that I feel out of place since she talks less with me than before and I feel confused and alone and I need her to show me that she wants me to be there. Basically, I need my girlfriend to be there for me.
+
+This was apparently too much pressure on her, which I probably should&#x27;ve known. But I&#x27;m only human after all...
+
+For the first time in over 4 months, she doesn&#x27;t talk to me for a whole day. She later tells me that she &quot;forgot her cell at home&quot; when I ask her to at least tell me she is alright because I am getting worried.
+
+Another day passes in which I don&#x27;t hear from her. I wonder the city like a ghost and feel extremely unhappy. In the afternoon I text her that I am alright and checking out the city but won&#x27;t bother her anymore and spend a few more days before I leave and am sorry if I pressured her too much.
+
+In the evening, she breaks up with me via text message, saying she thought about everything and doesn&#x27;t want it. Very immature and cold stuff. She is young, so my heart is broken but I forgive her.
+
+I take the flight home the next day (it&#x27;s only money and only a vacation ruined, could be worse under the circumstances...).
+
+After being together for about 2 months, we had a discussion where she said that she is scared that this might not work out and that she would rather wait until she is 18 and done with school. I tell her that this would probably be wise but I won&#x27;t wait 2 years for her and I feel it is unlikely that we would find each other again 2 years from now. I tell her I would rather give it a try now, against all odds, then never meeting her in this life and never having tried. I also said that I find it extremely hard to take 2 steps back from saying &quot;I love you&quot; every day, waking up and going to sleep to the sound of each other&#x27;s voice, speaking to each other with great affection to &quot;hey buddy, feel like stomping some n00bs?&quot; and acting like we are nothing more. She understood that, which is why I ended up flying there.
+
+After I returned from her city, I did what I told her I would probably do if she wants to go through with the &quot;lets put this on ice and be friends till I am older&quot; thing: I deleted her everywhere, deleted anyone who had contact with both of us and basically disappeared.
+
+The last &quot;conversation&quot; we had when I was still in her city was basically her telling me that life goes on etc. and it was pretty clear that we were not going to have a future if she doesn&#x27;t want one.
+
+So it might have been a bit over the top by me, but I didn&#x27;t know how else to deal with this situation, especially since I had gotten close with her 2 brothers as well, who both played the same video game, and I didn&#x27;t know how to explain all this to them and how to distance myself from them. So I completely cut the ties and gave them some vague explanation, without cutting too deeply into her personal life.
+
+There was however 1 mutual friend who I didn&#x27;t want to delete, as I had grown quite fond of him and when I told him &quot;I know this is messed up by me, but I basically have to ask you to chose if you wanna keep me or her in your circle of friends, if you don&#x27;t want to choose, I understand and will just go away&quot;, he convinced me otherwise. Bro was quite fond of me as well but said that he basically became her only person to talk about all this and it would hurt her if he deletes her. That was the last thing I wanted and I was also devastated to find out that she was crying over me, hurt and blaming herself for everything.
+
+I added her once more to make sure she knows I forgive her and that the last thing I want for her is to cause her harm over this. So no hard feelings but I just have to move on and can&#x27;t be her buddy, as she stated she would like it to be....
+
+Deleted her again, built a new circle of friends in the game and moved on for a few months. After about 3 months, our mutual friend gave me a heads up, that she wanted to add me again. I was hoping for reconciliation, I missed her terribly. She did too, I think, but never told me so. She basically said she wanted to stay in touch and was wondering what I was doing, etc.
+
+Again I told her that I can try to make this work, I want her in my life but I can&#x27;t do the buddy-thing and hide my feelings. She was going through some stuff at school and with puberty (including being put on the pill to level out her menstruation) so I wanted to give her space and time and we stayed kind of in touch but nothing like before. Basically it&#x27;s more or less the buddy thing that she wanted and I don&#x27;t. I made it clear that this is on borrowed time and I still need to know what we are but I didn&#x27;t want to put too much pressure on her at the same time.
+
+Next week I will start my holidays and she will have holidays from school. I was thinking I wait until then and tell her that I need to know what she wants. If she wants me, if she still loves me, I still don&#x27;t care about everything this happened because when I fell in love with her and decided to try this despite all the odds being stacked against us, I knew this wouldn&#x27;t be easy and jolly but as long as we love each other, I don&#x27;t give 2 fucks about it.
+
+I thought she felt the same but I feel she just got overwhelmed with everything. After she added me again, through a series of conversations of her trying to &quot;not get too close again&quot; (her words) and trying to be buddies, I could finally get her to talk about what happened back then, as I could only speculate but didn&#x27;t really know.
+
+She told me she never regretted being with me and was very happy back then, that I supported her etc. but since it was her first time of having a boyfriend, she just didn&#x27;t know what to do and it was so difficult and so much stress so she just ran away. She called herself a coward and repeatedly said how sorry she was.
+
+I told her that I made my share of mistakes and that she is young, not a coward but that I am still here and even though I wasn&#x27;t sure that I would give this another go, because she wasn&#x27;t there for me the one time I truly needed my girlfriend to tell me she loves me and will do what she can for us to be together, I thought about it and miss her too much. I still want her and still love her.
+
+Now she had school issues again and I gave her another break to avoid pressure. But this is like limbo for me and I hate it.
+
+If a 16 year old girl loves me and I love her and we are in 2 different countries, etc. then this is a crazy, complicated and in many ways dumb situation. But it is bearable because of our love for each other.
+
+If a 16 year old girl wants me to be her buddy after telling me she loves me and after I fell in love with her and I stick to her for years, hoping eventually she will find it feasible to be with me, then that is not an acceptable or romantic situation. It makes me a creepy old geezer and chaser of unreciprocated love, which I simply don&#x27;t need. I have other options, I have other women in my life. Just not one quite like her, in my eyes...
+
+As you can see, this is already a huge wall of text and you still only know part of it. I don&#x27;t know what to do. I am trying to understand her. Trying to find the window for us to be together. I assume she still has feelings for me but I can&#x27;t know for sure as she hasn&#x27;t commited again, so far. I think I need to find out about this for now before I can even consider looking for a window.
+
+Like I said, I intend to wait for our mutual holidays and when she has time and doesn&#x27;t have to focus on school or other things, I will plain out tell her that she needs to figure out if she still loves and wants me and we can take it from there. If not, everything else is moot.
+
+I have spoken with people around me, among others a psychologist who is a friend of the family. Everyone told me I should just move on and stop letting a 16 year old girl play with me like that. Stop being a fool and put an end to it. I wanted to, but I keep finding myself drawn to her, this is not ordinary to me. I have been in love before, I have been in relationships before and I am a rational human being. But with her my feelings take over and it is like nothing I have ever experienced and I feel myself continuously drawn to her. I can&#x27;t help but feel that she is the one I want and that I have to fight for it. I am scared to let her go (as she is of letting me go, she keeps reiterating that she doesnt want me to go away but keeps saying that if I think that&#x27;s what&#x27;s best for me, then she &quot;doesn&#x27;t mind&quot;, yeah she has a way with words ...).
+
+I don&#x27;t know what else to say. I think I simply need more perspectives on this to make up my mind and figure out what to do.
+
+Although I expect the overwhelming consensus to be to stop torturing myself (and her?) and just put an end to it and move on. If I can be her friend then like that, if not then just move on in separate ways.
+
+It is the logic thing to do, the most sensible. I understand. Yet it is not what I want to do. I want her. I want a life with her. But only if she wants the same with me. I think she does but she is scared and doesn&#x27;t know what to do and isn&#x27;t sure about her feelings. How could she, being so young.
+
+I guess it would be in her best interest (and possibly mine) if I just cut ties with her and let this dream fade into memory?
+</div>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2025-11-23</div>
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+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1p4c1ux/im_tired_of_my_christian_moms_behavior/" target="_blank" class="title">Im tired of my Christian moms behavior</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hello! Im a teenage girl (idk abt giving my age but im over 13, under 18). I need advice, or just opinions in general, literally ANYTHING, please. Im desperate. if i word anything in a confusing way, I apologize and feel free to ask for me to elaborate. This will be very, VERY long, so just a heads up. I probably will not go over this after im done, so if there&#x27;s spelling errors, thats my bad.
+
+I am in no way good at writing or explaining, so I apologize again.
+
+It all started when I was 6, give or take. i was getting bullied, so she took me out of school. My mom (33, not sure if thats relevant.) was in a DV relationship with my father before. He had gotten out of jail around that time. Since this isnt my key point, I will try to keep this breif. He didn&#x27;t stop physically, and verbally abusing her. I noticed and told her to leave him at some point, so she did or he got arrested for DV or something else. He was involved with drugs, so im not sure about what happened or why.
+
+While that was going on, we moved in with my grandma and her husband, who lived in the same apartment area that we did. She was drinking around that time. A few months or years, my mother, still handling the DV case, started drinking a lot more than usual. Shes a.. mean drunk (?) It&#x27;ll make more sense as I go on, hopefully.
+
+(To clear up in potential confusion, the reason i say &quot;A few months or years,&quot; is because every day was a blur. As I said, I was taken out of school at a young age. I wasnt being taught, not even with books.
+
+So, every day was pretty much the same for me.)
+
+A few months in, i started noticing some weird behavior from my mom. Usually when she was drinking, but she drank so much i can&#x27;t, and couldn&#x27;t tell if she was drunk or not.
+
+She started praying a lot more. Talk to herself. And sometimes even just yell &quot;get out of here&quot;
+&quot;Leave us alone&quot; &quot;go away&quot; &quot;Stop&quot; and similar things.
+
+I never asked who or what she was talking to, i dont really remember why.
+
+
+
+
+Almost every night her and my grandma would talk and smoke in our room. (me and my mom shared a room)
+
+Id listen sometimes. I really didn&#x27;t have any choice but to.
+
+I can&#x27;t remember exactly what she would say, but it was always something new, yet the exact same thing. Every. Single. Night.
+
+My grandma would feed into it, even though she didnt believe what my mom was saying. Which is why i believe my mom has gotten worse in recent years.
+
+ But I&#x27;ll get into that down the line. I wanna make sure this makes sense.
+
+
+
+
+
+The more I was isolated in that house, no friends, no one to really talk to who were my age, the more id talk to myself.
+
+The topics id talk to myself about wasnt really out of the ordinary from what i remember. I&#x27;d just.. speak out loud.
+
+This is when she involved me in her delusions.
+
+One night, I was in the shower, and I was talking to myself.
+
+In the middle of my rambles, i suddenly hear my mom ask me
+
+&quot;Who are you talking to?&quot;
+
+I told her no one.
+
+
+That night, my grandma came in our room, sat on the edge of the bed, and they started their routine of smoking cigarettes.
+
+From what I remember, she had told my grandma that I was talking to someone and I told them &quot;I love you&quot; while in the shower.
+
+That wasnt exactly a lie. I did. This is embarrassing, but this is technically anonymous, so whatever. But I&#x27;m still keeping it vague. It involved my old school crush. That&#x27;s enough for you to probably understand.
+
+Anyways.
+
+That was what got her started on her shit. (Excuse my language, sorry if I offend you in any way further on)
+
+Week? Months? Some time after that, she started asking me about my dreams. id reply with the dream i had, if i had one.
+
+One day she asked me if anyone has touched me (inappropriately) in my dream. For some fucking reason, i said yes. I don&#x27;t know why. This was, and still is, the worst mistake ive ever made in my life.
+
+And, oh boy, that got her going. That night she told my grandma, so on, and so on.
+
+After that, I dont really remember how the days went on or what happened after that for a while.
+
+The next thing i remember was me telling her that there was a man in the closet.
+
+The closet in our room was always half-opened. The door was slightly off the hinges, so you couldn&#x27;t close it. When we&#x27;d turn the lights off to go to sleep, its be pitch back aside from the moonlight shining into the room from my side of the bed, making the inside of the closet look even darker.
+
+Sometime I told her that I was scared of the inside of the closet because there was a man in it. I told her i was scared of the vents for the same reason.
+
+Which for kids, I&#x27;m pretty sure is normal for dark places, no? I was at least 8-9 at the time. (I think, now that i think about it, probably 6-7?)
+
+Mom&#x27;s would usually tell their child that its okay and that there was no man, right? Did my mom do that? No. She fed into it. Believed it herself. That was when it got worse. The speculations, praying, yelling, and so on. My grandma didn&#x27;t tell her it was bullshit. She fed into it too. As she always did.
+
+She kept going on with her prayers, talking to herself, or now that i think about it, she was probably talking to the lord. But im not sure, and im not gonna ask her.
+
+Im not sure if i mentioned that she would often cry a lot when talking to herself, but she did.
+
+Just so I dont have to clarify later on why this could be, ill add it now. My dad has past away around that time, im pretty sure. She told me earlier this year or at the end of last year. He was killed, if im not mistaken. He was a rapper starting out in our city, and got involved with the wrong people, so maybe OD?.
+
+Not the point, but his death will be relevant later, so I thought I should clear it up now.
+
+Im not gonna go through all the stories on how she got these delusions, ideas, or thoughts from, so I&#x27;ll add them up so we stay on track, and quite frankly,  so I do too.
+
+- &quot;people&quot; in the vent and closet in our room.
+
+- people talking to me in my mind.
+
+- men &quot;r4ping&quot; me in my dreams.
+
+- people talking to her in her mind
+
+- people r4ping her in her dreams.
+
+-----
+
+There was a time i remember weeks or days after she asked me about my dream that she made me take a pregnancy test. Mind you this was either during or shortly after covid. I have never been around any men other than my grandma&#x27;s husband, and he didn&#x27;t touch me. Like ever. We didn&#x27;t get along whatsoever. 70-something man beefing with a child. Loser behavior. But not the point. Point is he didn&#x27;t touch me, so there would be no reason for the stupid test.
+
+Anyways - the test came back negative, of course.
+
+This is just one of the two memories I have of her BS.
+
+
+
+Some other things i remember, i cant remember when this was but -
+
+She had me take a shot of her vodka while she &quot;blessed&quot; me.
+
+She had me stand in the corner of our room because I was laying back on our bed drinking a soda in a way she didnt like. A &quot;manly-way&quot; is the best i can describe it.
+
+The reason why she made me stand was because I was &quot;possessed or influenced by the people talking to me in my mind&quot;. The way I had my hands in my pockets didn&#x27;t help that speculation.
+
+(I&#x27;d like to say that to this day im afraid to put my hands in my pockets, and make certain mannerisms around her. Idk if this is relevant.)
+
+-----
+
+These are only the things she&#x27;s done at the apartment. The further years she had, and has made numerous decisions that had and have affected me and my grandma&#x27;s mental health and physical health. I will be as breif as I can with this further detail because im still trying to get to my point while making it make sense.
+
+We moved out of the apartment several times because of her delusions. She believed that my father&#x27;s friends were stalking us and since she didn&#x27;t have a car, we moved into my grandmas car. my grandma included. We lived in that car for months until she felt &quot;safe&quot; enough to move back into the apartment. Then we moved out again due to the same reason soon after.
+
+(If you&#x27;re thinking about why she didnt call the cops for the &quot;stalking,&quot; its because she had nothing to back it up other than the white car that was in the parking lot. She had absolutely nothing else to go off of, and she knew damn well that the police wouldn&#x27;t do anything.
+
+If we were being stalked, I wouldn&#x27;t know. Was never confirmed, I still think it was BS, but it could just be the resentment i had for the situation not letting me believe it.)
+
+Then my step-grandpa put his hands on my mom at one point and had to move out because of a restraining order
+
+After a year or so of living in the apartment, we moved out AGAIN into the car for the same reason as before. We never went back to the apartment. We lived in the car for a couple months before we moved in with my mom&#x27;s dad, my grandma&#x27;s ex husband.
+
+Not even a month in and shes already seeing things.
+
+She says one night there was a figure made of smoke or a shadow with fire for eyes sitting at the edge of the bed in the room. She says it was Mathew from the bible.(?) I dont read the bible, but I looked up the book of revelations and it says Jesus was the one with eyes like fire. She may have said Daniel not Matthew, but she says so many names when talking about this stuff, so idk anymore.
+
+Soon after that happened, my grandma and her said that under his floorboards smelt weird and came up with the idea that he m/rdered his previous wife and kid because he had pictures of a woman and girl in his house. Whether its true, I dont know.
+
+They came up with a plan to get out of there without causing suspicion.
+
+Soon after that day, he had gone to the store to get groceries, my grandma texted him while he was at the store, asking him to go back and get jelly. Then we packed up and called my auntie to pick us up while he was out.
+
+(I know I was supposed to keep that part breif, but when i start, i get going. My bad.)
+
+-----
+
+The year or so after that were relatively a blur.
+
+At some point we moved back into the car. We lived in the car for a few months ,? (Take that with a grain of salt because years felt like months so I really dont know the exact time length of how long these things lasted.)
+
+After that few months, me and my grandma moved in with my other auntie while my mom stayed in the car because my auntie and her didnt get along and if she did move in, they&#x27;d no doubt argue.
+
+About three and a half months, (approaching the end of summer break), under unfortunate circumstances, which I will not go into detail about, my auntie had no choice but to let her move into the apartment.
+
+Her delusional behavior wasn&#x27;t as bad then because she was in the same apartment with her sister.
+
+Soon after that my auntie moved out her apartment and onto my other aunties property, which was just acheres of dessert.
+
+We lived in a tent on that property for a few months before we finally got our own shed (everyone of the property lived in a relatively big shed.) soon after we got the shed my mom gave birth to my baby sister. She had gotten pregnant by some homeless guy while she was living in the car. Not going into that. Soon after she gave birth, we moved back in... guess where... the car ! Again. What was the reason this time, you ask? Because she thought the guy one of my aunties were dating was the &quot;guy&quot; from my step-grandpa&#x27;s apartment. Yes, the imaginary guy. So we had to move into the car, again, because of her BS.
+
+The day we left that property was the day the worst years of the life started.
+
+Homeless in the car with a baby, and three people. For two and a half years, in a very hot city, we stayed at churches, gas stations, empty parking lots, and sometimes hotels when we had enough money. Sometime around that, my mom told me my father was dead. i had suspected it, but id still ask when i would be able to see him sometimes. She&#x27;d tell me &quot;soon&quot; or something. I didn&#x27;t know he was dead until I was 13. Weeks after that she told me that my dad came to her in a dream with Micheal by his side and said the he&#x27;ll be back. That happened around the time he passed, like I mentioned before, so I believe thats what started it all.
+
+A year into that, the AC in the car stopped working. Again, in a very hot city, we had no AC. Before the AC went to shit, we were already having issues with our engine or something, so somtimes the car would just stop. It would do that when the gas got too low, i think? Not E. Like the middle. Not the point, but it just shows how selfish she was with two kids and her mother in the car that wasn&#x27;t even hers but refusing to go back to the property where we had a &quot;home&quot; waiting for us.
+
+One day, our car started stopping again, so we pulled into a church and parked under a tree in the parking lot. The car wouldn&#x27;t start again after that. Well, it did, but only the engine, so we could only turn the lights on, roll the windows down, and turn on the air at night, the only time it would be somewhat cool, but the car couldn&#x27;t go long distance at all, probably not even half a mile, but of course we never tested it. Thankfully the church wasn&#x27;t like some of the other ones we&#x27;ve stayed at and didn&#x27;t have a problem with us staying here. Yet.
+
+A month into staying there, someone came up to the car. She was nice, just asked us if we were okay and if we needed water and even asked us if we wanted to come inside. Really nice woman.
+
+Sometime after that, her and a man came up to the car. He was the pastor. He was really nice too, didn&#x27;t ask too many questions, just wanted to get to know us.
+
+One day we helped the lady cook a dinner inside the church, and one time the pastor got us something to eat. And he unlocked the church bathrooms for us, so we could shower and such!
+
+Skip past a month or two from that interaction.
+
+The church there didn&#x27;t want us to stay there anymore. Mind you, we weren&#x27;t loud and we never bothered anyone. But i can understand the churches POV. But the pastor  came up to the car again and said we could stay in the little space on the side of the church where there was a gated patio since no one at the church used it. He even got us two blow-up mattress to sleep on and a couple of blankets.
+
+We didn&#x27;t have to use it for long though because he had came by one morning saying that his friend stayed at a place that had a place we could stay in. That same day his friend came by and helped us pack our stuff and get our car towed to the place, since it couldn&#x27;t drive.
+
+We got there, moved our stuff into this little one room one bath little house. It was small, but when you&#x27;ve lived in a car for longer than you can think, its luxury.
+
+We payed rent every month, a very, very low price conidering it was including utilities.
+
+Mind you, all the years I&#x27;m telling you about, she was still on her paranormal demon and people in our minds BS. ALL those years. Every single day me and my grandma would have to deal with it.
+
+Anyway.
+
+While we stayed at this house, my mom put me in therapy for grieving. This will be relevant later on. (Why am I writing as if this is a storytime?? Whatever.)
+
+Something happened with the landlord of that place, so he was having to sell his property, so everyone had to go.
+
+Soooooo then, instead of going back to the property that still had a house there waiting for us, my mom and grandma started looking for a whole new place to live. Which, i cant be mad at because i wouldn&#x27;t be where i am now. But anyway. (A lot of anyways&#x27; ,sorry)
+
+
+While we were looking, my grandma had gotten a call, it was the pastor. He was checking up on us. He was having some health problems, so we prayed with him over the phone. Few days after that, his friend, who also lived there came to tell my grandma that the pastor had pasted away.
+
+Despite not knowing this man for even half a year, it hit us all hard. he did so, so, so much for us in the little time he knew us. He was and is a true angel.
+
+Despite the passing, we still had a deadline for when we had to move out.
+
+We finally found a place that fit our preferences and needs, my mom and grandma did what you needed to do to buy a house and we moved in, with the help of the pastors friend.
+
+NOWWWW, I can finally get to my problem. Yes, I know, the was a lot already.
+
+When we first moved in, it was almost.... fine. She wasn&#x27;t on her BS. like.. at all. Wasn&#x27;t mentioning demons or anything.
+
+Until recently.
+
+A few months ago, when she started BACK on her BS, she was talking to me about demons. Stuff I didn&#x27;t wanna hear. So, what did i do? I simply told her to stop talking to me about that and that i didnt wanna hear about it. (In this context, she was implying &quot;people&quot; were in the house again)
+
+And guess how she responded -
+
+A. Like a mother, or a person who simply respects boundaries, and stops, respecting her daughters wishes
+
+Or B. Told me the demons in my mind were rebuking the name of the lord
+
+....
+
+Spoiler!!! It was B.
+
+ I was dealing with this pretty much all my life and this was the first time I told her to stop. And its not like I told her she was crazy, which im very close to doing. All i said is i didnt wanna hear allat. But no, what was i thinking? Pfft... thinking my opinions and boundaries matter... I must be the crazy one.
+
+And for further context on that, we had went to the record store and gotten some CD&#x27;s for my Jenson i have, but when we got home the only album that was in the bag was only the AudioSlave album i picked out, which i had gotten 21 pilots &quot;Blurryface album&quot;, MCR&#x27;s &quot;Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge&quot; GreenDays &quot;Dookie&quot; album and their &quot;American Idiot&quot; album, and she thought it was a sign from Jesus because the songs on the AudioSlave album are religious. Are they religious? I do not know but she somehow,  as always, connected it to demons. (Literally as im writing this she just screamed &quot;leave us the fuck alone! In the name of Jesus I rebuke you! Get the fuck out! Its 4:34 right now.  I have to deal with this weekly, starting to get daily. is it bad that im used to it? Probably.)
+
+
+Then, more recently, two months or so, she sat me down outside and started on her shit. I forget why she sat me down outside that time, but I think it was because I had an attitude that set her off. She asked me why I&#x27;m always in my room, why id never talk to her and why i always wanted to talk to my therapist instead of her. I told her it was because she makes me nervous, and that she annoys me.
+
+
+I didnt say it in a mean way, my words weren&#x27;t meant to hurt her. Its just how she talk and acts. Loud, obnoxious, quite literally childish, and like i said earlier im afraid make certian mannerisms around her, and more in recent years started to be cautious about what i say around her. (my mom takes jokes seriously a lot. She can go from 1 to 100 and take something as small as a sarcastic question to a full blown argument, which is why her and my grandma argue pretty much weekly.) And I&#x27;m always around her. Its not like i have a choice. I have no friends, haven&#x27;t talked to anyone irl my age n years, and my social anxiety is so bad that I refuse to go to clubs. Yes, I know I&#x27;m holding myself back, but thats the point.) (If i didnt mention already, i&#x27;ve been homeschooled since the second grade)
+
+She pretty much told me I was possessed. And that hurt. A lot more than I ever thought something like that would.
+
+And even more recently, earlier or last month, she talked to me outside about her BS again, and when i pretty much didnt entertain it, she got mad and said its the demons rebuking the name of Jesus again.
+
+And then most recently, last month.
+
+Remember how I said she put me in therapy? Yeah. I went for about a few months before my insurance couldn&#x27;t cover it anymore. My mom went to the review ( i think thats what its called? Pretty much my therapist told her how i did, how im doing, and if they thought i needed anymore therapy)
+
+A few weeks or so after that she ask me to talk to her outside. Again.
+
+She started out with a &quot;(therapist) wants you to write her a letter about what you learned, how she can improve, ect&quot; then she said, &quot;how do you think i can improve&quot;
+
+So i told her.
+
+Told her about the constant fighting with my grandma and how she cant have a civl conversation like an adult, how she should stop muttering slick stuff about my grandma under her breath, stuff she does almost every week that I was sick and tired off. (I said all of this respectfully, btw.)
+
+Then, I tell her about something that has been bothering me.
+
+A few years ago we were staying at a hotel and she had ask me to make her soup (she was very lazy at the time and never got up to do anything herself) and i think i said something like &quot;you can make it yourself &quot; or &quot;why can&#x27;t you make it yourself&quot;
+
+She heard and started getting me about it and at the end of her rant she had started she says &quot;if your dad was here, he&#x27;d have your ass.&quot;
+
+I didnt know my dad was dead at the time, and the fact she had said knowing he was and knowing i didnt was just disgusting, in my opinion.
+
+And after she told me he passed, it hit harder thinking back at the moment.
+
+So I told her how much that hurt me. And she said something like &quot;im sorry, but you have understand, I have to be the mom and the father, and i didnt want you thinking you could talk to me that way and follow down that path,&quot; pretty much justifying her words. Which whatever, I&#x27;m stuck in the middle on that.
+
+She then goes on with an &quot;i knew it ☝️🤓&quot; moment. Said that my therapist told her about my online friends and the shows i liked.
+
+Context - my mom is a strict one. Or was. idk what the fuck anymore.
+
+Ill explain:
+
+She went on to say that she knew that she was right about my therapist because she - we&#x27;ll call her Rosa - would always be happy to see me and always compliment me. (My mom put me in therapy for grief. Me and  Rosa wouldn&#x27;t talk about greif. Id brush off my fathers death every time she tried to bring it up because Rosa said it was up to me to bring it up. My father was not around me for long. I dont have a lot of memories of or with him. Of course the death hit me hard, and still does, but the bond he and my mom had was so much stronger than the one me and him had. He was only in my life for a months before he started putting his hands on my mom again, sometimes in front of me. Sooo.. not good memories.)
+But my mom went on to say that my Rosa told her about my online friends and the shows I liked. That show being Arcane. Now, as I said my mom is strict, but I guess its to a fault now. Now, if you&#x27;ve seen Arcane, you&#x27;d know why I would hide that I&#x27;m watching that from her. But, this is how she said it, and I quote -  (read this is a corny detective tone because thats how she said it. Going through the moment now makes me wanna barf, i hate it when she uses that tone. Mind you anytime she thinks she&#x27;s being badass she uses a tone like that. Makes me sick.)
+
+&quot;But.. she mentioned a particular show... Said you liked it a lot.... hmmhmm.
+
+Like bro, this is NOT a movie. Anyways.
+
+She couldn&#x27;t remember what show it was at first, so I lied about two times. First i said SweetTooth (great show btw, 10/10) then MHA, and when i said mha she went
+
+&quot;That might even been it... wait no... Arcane! That&#x27;s what it was.&quot;
+
+My heart dropped to my feet.
+
+She goes on to literally interrogate me.
+
+She said that she thinks Rosa groomed me, and that she&#x27;s a demon. Not a demon in &quot;She&#x27;s a horrible person&quot; way, but &quot;the people in your mind&quot; way. And she said that Rosa was one of the friends online that I made recently (i havent even made any new friends online, she literally just told herself that and went with that.) that ive been talking to about the show.
+
+ The funny thing is - i dont talk to anyone online about Arcane. Im in no Arcane communities, at all. the only person i talked to about Arcane was Rosa, in real life.  And as for online friends, the only friends I had were on my nintendo switch on some anime fighting game that i made way, wayyy before i was even put in therapy.
+
+My mom specifically said &quot;whatever friend youve made recently.&quot; Again, I haven&#x27;t made any new friends since the last time we were in the car, so what are you on about, buddy? And when i told her the exact time i made the friends that i had, didnt even lie, because the truth would get me OUT of her stupid conspiracies, but what did she say in response to it? That i was lying. Because I was crying. She said I &quot;always cry when i get defensive or to take the attention off the situation.&quot; She&#x27;s aid this multiple times btw.
+
+(Im one of those people who cry in arguments or when they&#x27;re overwhelmed in general. And this wasnt the first time shes told me that my reactions and emotions are fake. Shes always disregarding my feelings.)
+
+And we pretty much went on hours with a back in forth of me telling her the truth and her telling me I was lying in her face. She finally gave up at about four in the morning, maybe 5 in the morning, ending the argument pretty much telling me to cut out my attitude or she&#x27;ll take my devices away and to stop talking to whoever im talking to online that i wasnt telling her about, and if she suspects i haven&#x27;t, she&#x27;ll &quot;call somone.&quot; (We started arguing at like 11 or 12 I&#x27;m pretty sure.)
+
+Idk what she meant by &quot;call someone.&quot; She doesn&#x27;t know anyone. She has no job. No friends. And all the family shoes close to she&#x27;s pushed further and further away over the years.
+
+(And the friend i &quot;wasn&#x27;t telling her about&quot; doesn&#x27;t exist. And she even acknowledged the fact that my story and explanation added up. I told her about all the online friends i had, when I met them, how we became friends, how old they were and who met who through who.
+
+When I got done explaining, she said &quot;what was that one name you said?&quot; I go over all my friends names AGAIN. And guess what she does.
+
+She tells ME that IIIII said another name! she straight up tried to gaslight me into admitting to something I didnt even say.)
+
+
+
+
+The &quot;demon&quot; stuff got even worse after that. Shes been yelling more and saying more BS.
+
+
+ A few weeks ago, she started saying shit about people talking in my mind again and when i told her that i wanted to set a boundary, telling her to stop involving me in her delusions, she said that I&#x27;m not allowed to set boundaries and that &quot;I&#x27;m just a child&quot;  and that &quot;i dont understand&quot;
+
+Then stop talking to me about it??? Like bro, just take me out the game already.
+
+
+
+Not even three hours ago,  I texted her, asking if she wanted to go do anything sometime this week. She replies, we go over stuff we wanna do. My dog needed to go outside, so i told her id be right back because he had to go outside. She told me to be careful. Im going to quote the rest of the conversation from there.
+
+
+
+Me
+&quot;No, I&#x27;m not staying out there with him. Im just letting you know that im letting him outside&quot;
+
+Her
+&quot;Alright, dont leave him out there too long.. (my sister&#x27;s name) seen a monster earlier.&quot;
+
+Me
+&quot;What, mom.&quot;
+
+Her
+&quot;Im serious&quot;
+
+Me
+&quot;Okay. Im asking you to explain. Please.&quot;
+
+
+Her
+&quot;The monster?&quot; Durr duh durr Sherlock. 😀
+
+Me
+&quot;Yes.&quot;
+
+Her
+&quot;She was playing outside by the fence and ran back scared and pointed where she seen it and said
+AMONSSSER! Then she went around playing again and seen it again. She then was running and she just fell and literally almost cracked her head on the pathway. She fell so hard, luckily she didnt get hurt as bad as it could have been&quot; my sister is fine btw.
+
+Me
+&quot;And where did she learn the word &quot;monster&quot;?&quot;
+
+Her
+&quot;From YT kids&quot;
+
+Me
+&quot;Okay&quot;
+
+Her
+&quot;Halloween songs...&quot;
+&quot;But yeah, the dogs seen something too&quot;
+
+Me
+&quot;And they did what?&quot;
+
+Her
+&quot;Smelled the fence and tonight they were barking and jumping on the door to get inside&quot;
+&quot;Lala literally doo-doo on herself&quot;  I was outside at this time, so idk if shes exaggerated this or not. She usually does. And Lala is one of our dogs if that wasnt clear.
+
+Me
+&quot;And what are you gonna do from here on out?&quot;
+
+Her
+&quot;Thank Good God Almighty&quot;
+
+I stop texting atp, but ofc she goes on.
+
+Her
+&quot;Just be aware of your surroundings, (my name).
+Everything is fine. But if you see something, hear something, or feel funky... say something.
+Whatever she seen, wasn&#x27;t make believe.
+And if your stomach starts to cramp out of nowhere and you feel ill, say something.
+But whatever it was - God knows all about it, and he is stronger than anyone can fathom.&quot; (She says stuff like this all the time)
+
+
+
+
+
+Tell me what you think, your opinions, and any advice, or suggestions. ANYTHING.
+
+Please, please, please feel free to ask any questions, id be more than happy to answer them.
+
+ This is my second time post on reddit, so if anything is wrong or something, my bad, im still figuring it out. So, so sorry it was so so long. Thank you for reading if you did ! ♡
+
+(This is all copied and pasted from a post i made in another subreddit a few weeks ago, last month maybe (?) Since then the delusions or wtv have gotten so, so much worse.)
+
+Small update (?) If anyone cares because im not making a whole other post abt this when this one isnt even getting any replies - 26th of Nov
+
+She just gave me a small bottle of Tabasco sauce and said &quot;it keeps the monsters away,&quot; and she also thinks my grandmas bird is possessed or something, and now my grandma believes it. I feel like I&#x27;m living in an asylum because wth. And it isnt even a good Tabasco, bro.
+
+
+
+Update #2, dec 5. So, she&#x27;s been getting even worse. This is honestly the worst she had ever been. On her bull ALL November and now, December. I&#x27;ve just been blocking her out recently, but ts is hard as hell. Its worse than the people who are adamant that aliens are real. You know that grandma front Ant Hill or whatever? That&#x27;s literally what its like with her, but its imaginary people and stuff. Oh, and she thinks my grandmas bird is possessed by those &quot;people.&quot; She started thinking that in November.
+
+Today was probably the worst. Had to interact with the patient more than usual. She was &quot;normal,&quot; or as normal as she can be during the start of the day, but of course, it didn&#x27;t last long. I blocked out most of it, but again, the patient and I have to interact. This evening, she came into my room and swiped something on my bonnet and the wall by my desk. I asked what it was, and all she said was that she was &quot;giving me my crown back.&quot; Bro, sybau.
+
+ A few minutes ago, I got up for something and noticed something on my wall. I thought it was Tabasco at first, but I touched it, and it was caramel. Genuinely, wth is her problem??? Anyways. Just a few minutes after that, I hear my grandma crying in the living room, so I went out to see why.
+
+She was sitting on the couch, on the phone. I assumed it was my aunt, but I asked quietly who it was and she pointed at my moms room, which is literally RIGHT by the living room. Im like whatever, because this is normal. Well, not the crying on the phone thing, but the crying over her imaginary BS thing. So, I take my ass back in my room. A few minutes later, I hear her literally wailing. So, I text her. I will proceed to copy the conversation from here.
+
+
+
+
+Me: wth is her problem now?
+
+My grandma: They trying to kill us
+
+Me: and you believe that???
+You genuinely need to stop taking her word for everything.
+
+Her: YES (I assume she only seen the first message.)
+
+Me: I&#x27;m not saying completely dismiss it. Im just saying to keep an opened mind.
+
+Her: i do
+
+Me: You know this will never stop, right? She&#x27;s crazy, and im not even saying that to be mean. She&#x27;s genuinely mentally ill. Her brain wont let this go away. What have we learned over the years? It never stops.
+
+I continue:  especially without professional help, which she refuses to use. She&#x27;s doing this to herself, and now its getting to you.
+
+Its not fair. She&#x27;s not fair to you, me, [my little sisters name,] nor herself.
+
+Her: She is telling the truth
+
+----
+
+I end the conversation there, just saying whatever and that I love her.
+
+Well, thats update 2. There will probably be another one later on or something. Christmas is gonna be soooo bad this year, I can tell. But it is what it is, right? I NEED to get back into therapy. Only being able to talk to myself is so fucking difficult. Teenage years aren&#x27;t even worth ts. And even if I did get into therapy, I couldn&#x27;t even really speak my mind because all I can think about is kms. Im sick and tired of being sick and tired. But, I&#x27;ll end it here. I dont wanna vent on fuckass reddit, lol.
+
+Thanks for reading, if you did!
+
+
+</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2025-09-10</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1nd74qc/broken_motherdaughter_relationship/" target="_blank" class="title">Broken Mother/Daughter Relationship</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">So, I need advice on what to do going forward with my mother. I have some specific things I need advice on, but I think I need a while to organize my thoughts. This may be a long post, so I&#x27;m really sorry about that. I just hope SOMEONE reads it because I need help, big time! There&#x27;s just a lot, and I don&#x27;t really know where to start. I&#x27;m changing some identifying information and this is a throwaway account, but other than that everything is as how I perceive it.
+
+TL;DR version of the story is that over the past 3 years or so, my mom has really changed. We used to have a great relationship. She had me at a young age so we were always able to connect well. I remember when I was little she was a great mom and my dad was a great dad, and despite some roadblocks which I&#x27;ll get into later, even throughout my high school years and undergrad we were very close. But recently she&#x27;s changed, becoming increasingly immature, and she&#x27;s started dating someone whom I really hate. This has really driven us apart. I miss the person my mom used to be. I still love her, but I&#x27;ve grown to hate her, too, and it breaks my heart. I don&#x27;t know how to fix our relationship. (Also, it wouldn&#x27;t fix everything, but I wish her boyfriend would disappear into a black hole, never to return). Um, I&#x27;ve included my specific questions for advice like 19 paragraphs below, where it says SPECIFIC ADVICE QUESTIONS HERE...(sorry, I didn&#x27;t realize how long this was going to be). I would really appreciate if anyone could read this and give me advice, but I know it&#x27;s super long. Please lmk if I did something wrong, I hope I&#x27;m not breaking any rules here, I&#x27;m just desperate.
+
+\[BACKSTORY\] I graduated undergrad during covid and I really didn&#x27;t know what to do with myself. I had always wanted to travel the world and I was really interested in foreign policy, but obviously, a lot of those programs were shut down. So I stayed at home, worked part time min wage for a while, took an online TEFL program so that I could eventually teach English abroad if I wanted to. I ended up subbing at my old school because that paid way more than my min wage job, and I later ended up landing a long-term sub position. In my state, you need to be certified to teach and get a master&#x27;s to teach, so I was in this probationary period of working full time and getting my Master&#x27;s and it was honestly one of the hardest times of my life. I mention this because this is when I started noticing her changing.
+
+\[Context\] So, while I was in middle school, she and my dad separated for a number of reasons, chief among them that she wanted more kids and he never did (especially because we could not afford to have more kids). She dated this one guy, who I liked a lot, but he was infertile. So she started dating another guy, I&#x27;ll call him Pete. Now, I thought Pete was fine -- he was nice enough -- but I did think it was a weird choice at the time because I didn&#x27;t 100% get the appeal. My brother Tim, on the other hand, HATED Pete with a vengeance. But after a short period of time, my mom did end up getting pregnant with Pete&#x27;s baby (allegedly accidentally). Fast forward a couple of years (my HS senior year) she and Pete have another baby together\*\*.
+
+Back to my long-term sub year, she and Pete had been together for approx. 7-8 years, but they never slept in the same room because he snores really loudly (and probably more to it than that). This is when she starts to get super anti-Pete. She&#x27;s always told me way more than is appropriate, and this held true that year. She told me that Pete gave her the ick, that he&#x27;s disgusting, that she never wanted to move in with him but felt like she had no choice, that Pete was emotionally abusive, etc. \[Pete does have anger management issues and has been seeing a therapist. She also has been seeing a therapist for a decade, and I swear that woman must be completely incompetent because my mom has only ever gotten worse. From my perspective, it&#x27;s possible that Pete was emotionally abusive, but I think another huge problem is that they both take things way too personally, small comments turn into big arguments about nonsense\]. So she started acting really freaking immature around Pete -- she would flip him off whenever his back was turned, she would mutter comments about him &quot;under her breath&quot; but still audible enough for anyone in the room. This was all new behavior. She had never done anything quite so callous to my knowledge. This made me extremely uncomfortable. It was not a good home environment. And this lasted for y e a r s. She started mentioning how she found this guy at the gym really cute, which was weird to me because she and Pete were still together at this time, even though she hated him. \[Also, the guy was not attractive at all, he looked like a damn Hobbit\]. She just would not communicate how she felt with Pete. So that made me feel bad for Pete, and I felt weird spending time with him. Pete noticed that she was acting weird, but I don&#x27;t think he knew the full extent of it. During this time, she was also spending more time with her friends, and staying out super late, sometimes on work nights, which had never happened before. I was glad that she was making more time for friends, because she had never taken much time for herself outside of being a mom \[except at the gym\] but I honestly don&#x27;t think these friends were/are good influences. Regardless, she was afraid of how Pete would react when she told him she wanted to separate, but finally last year she bit the bullet and told him she wanted him to move out. I think he was relieved, honestly.
+
+Immediately, she starts dating this other guy. Like, before Pete even moves out, and she asks me to keep it a secret because she&#x27;s afraid of how Pete will react. She only told Pete about her new man, we&#x27;ll call him Dipshit, after Pete moved out and he was totally fine with it. Like, could not have cared LESS, and I think she was irritated by this. She pretended to be relieved, but I think it really drove her nuts that he didn&#x27;t care at all. (Just conjecture, of course).
+
+On the other hand, I completely fucking hate Dipshit (if the name didn&#x27;t make it clear, lol). This man is a gung-ho MAGA Trump supporter. We live in a blue state, in a fairly blue area. My immediate family is all liberal, except for my idiot younger brother whom I&#x27;m closest to in age, Tim (not one of the babies). I happened upon Dipshit&#x27;s Facebook because he popped up in my suggested friends and one of his only posts is MAGA 2020 \[State Name\].
+
+This infuriates me. Any remaining respect for her that I had had dwindled to a pinprick, and after tonight, it&#x27;s completely gone. I don&#x27;t understand how anyone could date someone with such different, completely contrasting values. Why would you WANT to date someone who believes in the fundamentally opposite way to you? He&#x27;s anti-abortion, she&#x27;s pro-choice. She and I both work in public schools, for fuck&#x27;s sake. Her job is a GRANT-FUNDED POSITION.
+
+Now, in my extended family, there are unfortunately a lot of MAGAts. She thinks it&#x27;s hypocritical of me to still spend time with my MAGA family members, and maybe it is, honestly. But my thing is, I can&#x27;t choose my family members. YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND.
+
+She must have searched him out, because she found him on Facebook. He was my grandma&#x27;s old lawn guy. She told me it was supposed to be &quot;just for fun&quot; but she ended up &quot;falling in love.&quot; She&#x27;s never met /anyone/ so nice before. He doesn&#x27;t criticize her, but just accepts her for who she is...(except for her political values, I guess? But they don&#x27;t talk about that!) Yeah, he&#x27;s so nice, except his voting record means he doesn&#x27;t care about immigrants, POC, the LGBTQ community, the disabled community, healthcare, Jewish people, Muslim people, stability for our country, common decency and respect...I could go on.
+
+The thing that pisses me off is that she&#x27;ll always confront my grandpa or my brother about their beliefs (as she should, because they are questionable fucking beliefs) but apparently she and Dipshit won&#x27;t talk politics together? So how can you go from berating our family members about their idiotic beliefs, to just being totally and completely okay with Dipshit?
+
+I finally understand how Tim felt about Pete. I hate Dipshit so much. It feels like a blow to everything my mom and I have been through together. I now understand so much of why Tim is the way he is, because that whole thing with Pete happened when he was way younger. I can&#x27;t imagine how it would feel for a child to have their mom actively choosing some doofy guy over respecting your feelings and needs.
+
+She doesn&#x27;t &quot;why I can&#x27;t just be happy for her&quot; and why I&#x27;m being so &quot;immature&quot; about this. One time she kept pushing me and pushing me about it, when I said I didn&#x27;t want to talk about it, so of course I exploded and had to leave to calm myself down. She asked me once what I would do if she and Dipshit ever got married, and I didn&#x27;t tell her, but we would be done. Our relationship is pretty much already ruined, but that would really do it. I would only ever talk to her to get in touch with my little siblings. Beyond that, she is nothing to me. And that really hurts. Because I do love her. I love spending time with her, when she&#x27;s acting normal. And I miss the way that she used to be. I don&#x27;t know what happened to her over the past few years, but she&#x27;s been acting increasingly immature.
+
+Some of you may think I&#x27;m being unfair about the politics thing, but even if I disregard his politics, there are so many red flags. First and foremost to me, I think he is a bad influence for my little siblings. They have spent time with him and he buys their love. Dipshit is more financially secure than my mother&#x27;s other romantic entanglements (which must be a part of the allure -- that and his &quot;really nice family&quot;), so he can afford to take them to the movies and not only buy popcorn but the crazy popcorn buckets and soda, which they&#x27;re usually not allowed to drink. He buys them shit from Gamestop and comic books. Ok, this doesn&#x27;t sound too bad, it sounds like he&#x27;s just treating them really nicely, right? Uh uh. He gave them a TV for their bedroom. When Tim and I were little, my mom never would have let us have a TV in our room. Developmentally, it&#x27;s not appropriate for them. I think it&#x27;s especially detrimental, as one of my siblings has ADHD and the other one is very little. They watch YouTube on there without any fucking supervision, despite my warnings about how that&#x27;s really bad because YouTube is not monitored well. Not only did he give them a TV but he gave them a PS4. And the games on the PS4 that he gave them included FALLOUT and MORTAL KOMBAT XL. These games are NOT appropriate for children their age. And I&#x27;m saying that as someone who really enjoys Mortal Kombat myself. When they visited him, they played fucking Grand Theft Auto with him. I told my mom that MK XL wasn&#x27;t appropriate for them, so imagine my surprise when I found it on their shelf. Then /I/ had to be the bad guy and take it away. This fucking manipulation...
+
+They are also really obsessed with each other. Unhealthily so. He calls her multiple times a day. When we were on vacation together with my grandparents, she was on the phone with him no less than three times a day. He calls her at night, even though she tells me she needs to go to bed early for work...then I hear them yapping on the phone. Right. He constantly monopolizes her time. I think he&#x27;s separating her from the family. She&#x27;s enamored with his family, because they&#x27;re so \~supportive\~ and they always make sure to have vegan options for her, when &quot;our family usually doesn&#x27;t&quot; (even though my grandma always makes sure to have something she can fucking eat). She hasn&#x27;t spoken to my extended family since we went on our trip, and that was weeks ago...my grandma&#x27;s birthday is coming up very soon, and she hasn&#x27;t said anything? My grandpa has had some major medical issues, and she hasn&#x27;t checked on him since we saw him? She&#x27;s completely obsessed with this guy, and it&#x27;s not healthy. She&#x27;s acting like a teenager with him.
+
+Another red flag is that he is trying to change her. One time, we were at dinner with my grandparents. My grandpa (her dad) is a Trump supporter. (I love him a lot but I am very disappointed about this. I think he is brainwashed by Fox News and social media, because he had been a lifelong democrat before, and now he&#x27;s constantly spouting Fox News&#x27; bullshit). So I think she told this story to connect to my grandpa and be funny. Dipshit said something about how he thinks she&#x27;s secretly a conservative, and if she&#x27;s not, she will be soon. Wouldn&#x27;t you think that would be a bad sign? I don&#x27;t know. If I were a conservative woman and a liberal man told me that he was going to &quot;change me,&quot; that would be a pretty big fucking turnoff. Anyways, it did not help connect to her dad. No one in my extended family is interested in Dipshit because (1) this whole ordeal has been ridiculous for all of us and (2) he hasn&#x27;t tried to connect to them in any way. My mom invited Dipshit to Tim&#x27;s grad party and she paraded him around like a prize, but he didn&#x27;t like, talk to anyone. They went on a hike together and then they all left the party early. So my grandma, grandpa (out of hip surgery) Tim&#x27;s friends, and I were the only ones left to help Tim clean up after the party.
+
+And, not for nothing, but she wanted my little siblings so badly that it was the final straw between her and my father, but now she barely fucking pays tries with them. Since I&#x27;m still living at home, I try to spend time with them when I can, but when I&#x27;m finally out of this hellhole, what&#x27;s going to happen to them? I love my siblings more than anything. I wish I could just take them with me, honestly. I think I would do a better job of raising them than her or Pete, because they&#x27;re just on fucking screens 90% of the time, because I guess that&#x27;s easier than trying to do literally anything else. Maybe they&#x27;ll go to the playground for twenty minutes. Maybe. But it shouldn&#x27;t be my job to take care of them, and I should be entitled to my own life, and I tell myself that but it breaks my heart when they&#x27;re watching random shit on YouTube and I try to step in but it doesn&#x27;t mean anything because they&#x27;ll just do it when I&#x27;m gone.
+
+Anyways. What was also irritating for me was that Dipshit was trying to buy my acceptance, too, as if I were a child or a dog that you could make complacent by just giving them a little treat. I like Mortal Kombat? Ok, he&#x27;ll make me an MK 3D printed piece of crap, and then I&#x27;ll forgive him for supporting Trump, right? I told her REPEATEDLY I wasn&#x27;t interested in getting anything from him. My favorite singer is Ozzy Osbourne and she told me she had some Ozzy merch for me from Dipshit. I told her I was not interested. Well, she fucking hid the merch in my room on the shelf behind my TV. It&#x27;s such a violation of my space. And of course part of me wants the merch, because I fucking love Ozzy and he hadn&#x27;t been doing well at the time (and of course he has recently passed away), and I wanted so badly to just throw the merch at her and tell her to get fucking rid of it but I just couldn&#x27;t do it and I&#x27;m so mad at myself for that. But now that merch is tainted anyway by Dipshit and I feel ashamed whenever I look at it. I did tell her to never fucking do it again. And it looks like Dipshit has definitely stopped trying -- my bro Tim and I got back from a weekend trip on Sunday and Dipshit was there. He said hi to Tim but not me, lol. (Tim is ok with Dipshit because he&#x27;s the kind of guy that will do anything for a free meal and free crap, which he&#x27;s already benefited from Dipshit-- he gave him a TV for his apartment and helped Tim move things in his truck).
+
+I&#x27;ve been so unhappy for a really long time. I miss the way my mom used to be. I do want her to be happy -- just not with this guy. My extended family thinks she needs psychiatric help. They&#x27;re seeing similar patterns between my mom and my mom&#x27;s mom. The ironic thing is, my mom hates her mom. She told me that if she ever started acting like her mom, that I should tell her. But if I told her now, she would just say that I&#x27;m saying that because I hate Dipshit, and she would get all defensive. MULTIPLE people on many sides of my family have noticed that she&#x27;s acting more like her mother. I was hoping to gather evidence and write her a thoughtful and sympathetic letter, maybe for us to seek family therapy. But I hadn&#x27;t been able to bring myself to do so, because the feelings are so overwhelming. In fact, I had been wanting to make a Reddit post about this for weeks now, but couldn&#x27;t bring myself to do it until tonight. Because tonight there was an incident I can&#x27;t look past. And it&#x27;s SO late on a work night but I need to just get this out because I am so upset.
+
+My mom went to a concert with Dipshit tonight, a concert that had been rescheduled for a Tuesday night. She asked Pete to come watch the kids. On Tuesday nights, I usually go to an exercise class, but I got my period yesterday and I&#x27;ve been feeling ill as a result. I was also distressed because I lost something that I need for Thursday, so I thought I would stay home and look for the item. Pete decided to leave around 8:45 because I was home and he didn&#x27;t want to deal with my mom. The problem is, my room is in the basement (yes, I am the mid20s-living-in-a-basement problem-child, but I really want to save for a house. I paid off all of my student loans literally yesterday evening, so I was hoping I could stay at home one more year and save for a house. But I don&#x27;t know how much more of this I can take)...my room is in the basement, and the kids are upstairs. So I had read to them earlier (\*and, by the way, I had to be the bad guy once again and take the computer away from the littlest one, because apparently Pete is incapable of enforcing screen time accountability -- the littlest one had a fit, freaked out, and then not ten minutes later asked me to read a bedtime story, which I did because if nothing else then I hope to the universe that I can instill a love of reading in these kids\*), then went to look for the item. I went back upstairs, checked on them, and they were asleep. Great. Had dinner, left the dishes in the sink for later, and went to look for the item some more. Got overwhelmed and overtired, so I went upstairs to the couch. I figured I could rest there for 20 minutes, keep an ear out for the little ones, and then continue looking. Well, I had set a timer, but I couldn&#x27;t get up -- I was so tired that I snoozed it and fell asleep for real.
+
+I wake up to her calling me a cunt and a bitch and she&#x27;s aggressively doing the dishes in the kitchen. I know she&#x27;s upset because I accidentally left dishes in the sink last night, too -- I didn&#x27;t mean to do it, I literally couldn&#x27;t keep my eyes open. But that instance I had fallen asleep in my own room. This time, I was in the living room, and I would have to get up eventually to get ready for bed, and I would have done the dishes myself when that happened. But she had gotten home and was doing the dishes and calling me these nasty things. She called me a cunt, a bitch, that she wants this bitch out of the house, and said that she was embarrassed to have me as a daughter. Embarrassed to have me as a daughter...by all accounts, despite living at home, I&#x27;ve been pretty successful in my life. I have a full time job, I have good friends, I participate in hobbies, I help take care of my brothers, I have a paid off car, I&#x27;ve paid off my student loans. I know she&#x27;s saying that because she&#x27;s embarrassed that I won&#x27;t accept Dipshit or his family. But I will never accept them, and I&#x27;ve made perfectly clear to her why. Our values do not align. He is a bad influence. If she wants to choose her MAGAt boyfriend over me, that&#x27;s fine, but I&#x27;m not crawling back when she gets tired of him in five years. We are done. Done done done.
+
+I try to keep it together, make it like I had just woken up to her ranting and raving (which is similar to how she would rant about Pete behind his back, by the way, eerily similar). But I can&#x27;t help myself. I was like, &quot;embarrassed to have me as a daughter, huh? You&#x27;re saying that because of Dipshit, right?&quot; And then she goes on to say how she doesn&#x27;t understand why I&#x27;m being so immature about this. I tell her to ask anyone else and then see who the immature one is \[-- hint, it&#x27;s the one who goes to late concerts on weeknights, the one who gets her nails done for hours at a time on weeknights and uses me as the babysitter in exchange for living at home for free, so when &quot;this bitch&quot; leaves the home, what the fuck is she going to fucking do then, huh? Maybe move in with Dipshit, but I don&#x27;t know...she talks a big game about wanting to buy the house that we rent, and Dipshit&#x27;s neighborhood is in a pretty bad school district compared to ours, but Dipshit doesn&#x27;t want to leave his home. That might be a problem for her.\] Then I say, &quot;You called me a cunt? How dare you? How dare you? I&#x27;m your daughter!&quot; (Keep in mind that I rarely swear in front of my family -- I feel so uncomfortable doing so). Then she tries apologizing and I&#x27;m like &quot;I don&#x27;t want to hear it right now! I don&#x27;t want to hear it!&quot; I go downstairs and she follows me down there /anyway/, despite my wishes, and tries to explain herself but I don&#x27;t think there really is an excuse for calling your own daughter a cunt, no matter how tired you are. For what it&#x27;s worth, I&#x27;m sorry I didn&#x27;t do the goddamn dishes, I guess I really should have done them as soon as I finished. I was a little distracted. But if you&#x27;re so tired and burned out by work, maybe you shouldn&#x27;t go to a Tuesday night concert, even if the tickets were &quot;already paid for.&quot; Maybe you should have just cut your losses, or seen if you could have sold them and done something else.
+
+SPECIFIC ADVICE QUESTIONS HERE So, yeah. These incidents have made me really revisit my childhood and question my relationship with my family over the years. There&#x27;s stuff here that I didn&#x27;t even get into, despite this post being novel-length. I just feel so lost. I know I need therapy (probably several years worth, lol) so that&#x27;s on the list. I also know that I should move out. This is not a healthy environment for me. But financially, it would be so great to stay for just one more year. I already have a lot saved, and I would prefer to have a house over renting because that&#x27;s just throwing your money away. What do you think? Should I stick it out and save money? GTF out of dodge? What should I do about my mom? What about my siblings?
+
+If you read all of this, thank you. I hope I don&#x27;t come off too crazy, it is so late and I am really upset and tired and I still haven&#x27;t found that item I need so, really just not enjoying myself here!
+
+
+
+\*\*I was really upset about this, because she didn&#x27;t tell me until after I had accepted a position at college, and that whole ordeal was disappointing enough already because I ONLY got into my safety school. I was one of those high-achieving nerds who was just Not Quite Good Enough, and not financially stable enough either, so the school I was going to was far from my first choice, but it wasn&#x27;t a state school because I had wanted to get away and be independent. Knowing that she was going to have another baby while I was gone was devastating to me, (1) because I felt like I was being replaced, and (2) because I wouldn&#x27;t even get to know this kid. I would be out of the house, out of their life, just some abstract figure. As a result, I transferred home to a state school after my freshman year, and good thing I did because Covid started and I would have had to gone home anyway AND I saved SO MUCH MONEY and graduated early and blah blah a lot of good came out of transferring home but yeah, that was really frustrating. She was like, &quot;well how come you didn&#x27;t notice I was getting bigger?&quot; And the thing was I did notice she was getting rounder but I never said anything because she has ALWAYS had body image issues and I didn&#x27;t want to trigger anything. Anyway...</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2025-06-08</div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1l61qtk/i_love_my_brother_but_i_dont_know_if_i_should_cut/" target="_blank" class="title">I love my brother, but I don&#x27;t know if I should cut him off for both our sakes, even if I don&#x27;t want to.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hi Reddit, I guess I’m looking for advice or just someone to help me understand what’s going on. I’ve been crying a lot about this and I feel so lost.
+
+I’m 18F, and my older brother used to be my go-to person for everything. We didn’t always get along, we fought a lot as kids, but I made the effort to improve things and over time we became close. Honestly, he’s my favorite person in the world. Some people are close to their mom or dad, but for me, it was always my brother. Or it used to be.
+
+We come from a very emotionally heavy household. It&#x27;s stressful to live in that house. I&#x27;m currently still living there.
+
+I’ve started pulling away from them for my own mental health, but my brother stayed close to them, maybe as a way to cope. That difference in how we deal with our parents is probably where the shift between us started.
+
+We’ve fought more this year than ever before. Every time, it’s about them. I feel like I’m always the one trying to keep the peace, avoid conflict, and avoid dumping anything on him. I try to keep things light. But no matter what I say, I feel like I’m too much. Like I&#x27;m yet another family member dumping her problems on him, or talking to him about crap he doesn&#x27;t care for.
+
+It doesn&#x27;t help that I know my parents complain about me a lot to him, and I feel that&#x27;s affected his perception of me in a very negative way.
+
+The other day, we had what I consider our biggest fall out, we have these once in a while, as is my family&#x27;s tradition, and no. I&#x27;m not kidding. It is emotionally EXHAUSTING but we have a giant emotional breakdown at least once a year. Or well, my parents often do, and my brother and I follow suit by arguing about it and how each other handled it.
+
+Three years ago it was his guilt of leaving me behind in the house which manifested in ways I can&#x27;t talk about or I start to cry.
+
+Half a year ago now it was the dysfunctional dynamic between my parents and I, and how my parents mistreat me, but also how I refuse to speak to them.
+
+Now a couple weeks ago it was the fact that I mistreat my parents and while he wants me to be happy, he thinks that I&#x27;m cruel for wanting them out of my life, basically. That&#x27;s as objective as I can get without overthinking or speculating.
+
+What hurts the most is that I try so hard not to stress him out. I avoid venting nowadays best I can. I try to speak about our parents in neutral or even positive ways, even though I feel deeply uncomfortable around them. I’ve made all these quiet adjustments to make things easier for him, but it never feels enough.
+
+Now I’m at a place where I honestly feel like he’d be happier if I just left him alone. Like I’m just another weight on his shoulders.
+
+I’m not asking him to fix anything or choose me over our parents. I just want to feel wanted in his life again. Not pitied. Not tolerated. I stress to him CONSTANTLY how I&#x27;m so sorry he&#x27;s been put in the middle man position, that it&#x27;s unfair, that I want him to tell me what HE wants, which he insists is irrelevant and it hurts. It hurts to see this.
+
+I don&#x27;t know how to formulate my thoughts coherently.
+
+I love him, but I don’t know what he wants from me. Mom and Dad made things hard for us, and he copes by staying close to them. I understand that, I really do. He wants a family.
+
+But when he acts like they haven&#x27;t done all those shitty things, when he copes by being in denial, it feels like he&#x27;s denying my pain, too. And I know that&#x27;s easier, but it hurts.
+
+For someone who&#x27;s told me &#x27;I can&#x27;t just run away from them like you&#x27;re trying to do&#x27; who&#x27;s told me we need to communicate to fix our problems-
+
+why don&#x27;t our parents get the same expectations? I know it&#x27;s selfish, but why does my mother get to get away with pulling my hair as a child whenever she got mad, or throwing something at my head, or telling me that she knew I wanted to end her life and how when she offed herself or left we wouldn&#x27;t care? Why does my father get away with belittling me in front of other people, calling me stupid, calling me incompetent, making me feel stupid for being a woman, making me feel less than, screaming at me because I forgot to wash some damn dishes, SHOUTING at us in the middle of the grocery store, saying if he could hit me he would?
+
+Why do they get to get away with ALL of that but the daughter is the villain because she wants some god damn space from them, from the two fifty year olds who are emotionally eight and yet get offended when I beg them to go to therapy or separate because it&#x27;s so clear they hate eachother?
+
+And that&#x27;s me omitting the crap they&#x27;ve done to HIM.
+
+I’m not just someone he can check in on when it’s convenient. I ran to him because I had no one else. I’m sorry if that made me selfish. I know I can be too much sometimes, but I’m trying. I really am.
+
+I just want to be happy, and I want to know that he thinks I deserve that. Not just to hear him say it, but to actually feel like he means it. I want to matter to him. I want to be someone he *wants* in his life—not because he feels guilty, not because of that obligation our parents have drilled into us that &#x27;you don&#x27;t abandon family no matter how hard it gets&#x27;—but because I make him happy. Because he wants me around.
+
+I want to be his friend. He was mine for a little while, when I felt I had nobody else, he was the only real friend I had.
+
+I guess I just miss that.
+
+I don&#x27;t know. We&#x27;ve talked, and I don&#x27;t wanna jump to cutting him out of my life.. but I&#x27;m about to go off to college. And I guess I don&#x27;t know how to keep him in my life without feeling like, yet again, I&#x27;m another family member forcing him to stay. Forcing him to listen to crap he doesn&#x27;t care about.
+
+It makes me angry. I admit it, it pisses me off. I never used to get annoyed at him, but now it feels so desperate, like he wants his whole family together and I&#x27;m so fucking sorry for being the one to tear it apart but I can&#x27;t live in his fantasy.
+
+I want him to be a part of my life. MY life. Not our family&#x27;s life, and I certainly don&#x27;t want whatever people pleaser conflict resolver middle man yes man everyone wants him to be, I want him to be HIMSELF.
+
+..but I also want him to want me around, too. The real me.
+
+I don&#x27;t know. I just want someone to look out for my older brother, but maybe that&#x27;s not me.
+
+I&#x27;m sorry. I really don&#x27;t have anywhere else to ask, and I can&#x27;t do it without the context I feel like, so if anyone has any thoughts I would appreciate it. Even if not, I hope you guys have a nice day.</div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2024-10-17</div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1g60iqb/how_do_i_f35_deal_with_my_mom_f56/" target="_blank" class="title">How do I f35 deal with my mom f56?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">
+This is gonna be a long story but I wanna give you as much of the picture as possible.  I don’t know if my mom has my best interests at heart. I feel thorned between loving my mom and being angry at her. And I felt this way for years.  Not sure if I can forgive if I have to go low contact or what. I don’t know if should trust her.  My psychiatrist are unsure if I have borderline or just adhd plus cptsd and I have always felt so unsure and insecure not knowing what to believe. I don’t know if I can trust my fellings or if i am overreacting ect. So i need some opinions here.
+
+Back in 2018 I got engaged. I broke the news to my mom. She waited a few days then tells me that she can’t be in the same wedding as my dad. When I pushed for an explanation why she said it was because my dad r*ped her and I am the result. I confronted my dad and he denied it. My moms story explains why my dad (m58) was distant during my upbringing. He did have me some weekends and holidays but wasn’t there that much and also explains  why cooperating and coparenting was so hard for my parents.  I was still was mad at mom for choosing this moment and time to tell me. Telling me earlier would have explained a lot more. Now a part of me, and I feel bad for this because I didn’t want to disbelieve her, thought seemed like my mom was doing this because she wanted to ruin my wedding? Again I felt guilty for thinking it.
+
+My grandma , my dad’s mom who don’t know what mom have accused him of, she told me that my mom had been much in love with my dad but maybe he didn’t love her back. I have wondered if my grandma thought mom was  tried to baby-trap dad by having me. This is all speculation but I do not put it beneath my dad that he could let my mom who was in love with him along just to get some and then dump her. And so my mom felt used, and rightly so, but thats not rape. In fact my dad told me that he got a new girlfriend kinda immediate after my mom. He said he broke up with my mom December 1th and had a new girlfriend New Year’s Eve. I am born in late august so I must have been conceived like right around the breakup. Oh and also when I didn’t react like my mom wanted upon she telling me about the rape she said her mother had told her the same ting about her father , meaning my mom also was a result of rape, and mom said that  she reacted in a much different (mening better) way because she was supporting my grandma. After my mom told me about the rape I told her I needed time by my self. She did not respect or understand that even when I try to tell her I wasn’t going no contact, i said to her it wasent me never speaking to her again I just needed some space. She couldn’t handle it. She was calling more than before and also calling my fiancé.
+
+My mom and stepdad (m58) was heavily against me doing therapy and mom was after massive asking and beeing unwilling coming with me to my therapist. Mom was all on the defensive and it did not work out well.
+
+Growing up my mom and stepdad could not be around my dad. Meaning no Christmas,  graduation or birthday did I get to have both my parents there.  I was wishing selveral times on these ocations to invite booth sides of my family but my mom and stepdad denied me. My parents did not talk to each other at all.
+
+ I was born to young parents who had broken up before I was born.  My mom was just 20 when she got pregnant. My dad have previously  told me mom told him she was pregnant when she was 3 months pregnant ( that is also the abortion limit here where I live l) Only time I know my parents has been in the the same room after I was born was my baptaising when I was 4 months old. I only know that because grandma have the pictures to prove it or I wouldn’t have believed it.
+
+Stepdad ask me at a really young age why I didnt  call him dad . I remember being confused because surely stepdad knew that I had a dad? And no he did not ask if he cold be my dad too just why I did not call him dad. As an adult I learnt mom and stepdad  had asked my dad to let my stepdad adopt me and dad said no.
+
+Anyway my mom have hugged me once that I can remember during my upbringing. I did not feelt loved by any of my parents or stepparents. Dident feel safe. Where my halfbrother had his own room my “room” was also stepdads office and storage. I identified heavily with Harry Potter sleeping in the broom closet. My other favourite childhood book was Mathilda by Roald Dahl who I also identified with.
+
+When I was 12 my stepdad and mom took me to sail around the world for a year . They never asked my dad. I was according to my dad the one to break the news to him that I was leaving the country for a year. My dad also left the country then and was gone for years after we got back so I felt like he abandoned me aswell. I was visiting him abroad but still rarely.
+
+Things I got from my dad mysteriously dissaperd at my mom’s house. Yet my brother got a lot more than me of material stuff because I got things from my dad. My brother had a big soft bed I sleepy on a hard old couch. When I was 13 the «family» ( meaning mom, stepdad, half-brother and I) moved house I wasent allowed to bring a drawer I got from my grandma on my dad’s side. My stepdad denied me..Stepdad also borrowed my radio to listen to as he paint in the new house at this time and I never got it back. I was 13. My stepdad and mom had that new house built but I still had office and storage in «my» room that didn’t really felt like mine just like in the old house.
+
+To mom’s defence she was an alone with her parents living far away when I was born and she was 21. Mom met stepdad when i was 8 months.  When I was 3 years old my halfbrother was born and he was really sick and in and out of hospital for years and we thought he might die. I know my mom have trauma from her upbringing aswell. I didn’t know my grandpa well but both my mom and her mother are pretty in unison that he wasn’t a nice person.
+
+My mom has always been extremely all or nothing. Growing up she either did every thing for me or dident care at all.  There was no middle ground. No helping or let me try and fail while cheering me on. No,  it had to be perfect and if i dident did it right it was better she fixed it for me. She is also very pessimistic and nervous.
+
+If I try to talk to mom about this stuff and she starts crying . She will say she did as best as she could as a parent. My stepdad will tell me to apologise to my mom for making her cry and accusing them of stuff at this point . So it’s hard to talk about this.  I feel like my dad and mom wanna pretend everything is fine  I don’t wanna let them but as I just explained bringing it up spent do much good either. After the drama around my engagement in 2018 i wrote a letter to mom and stepdad and the got sore that i accused them of being bad parents when they did there best. So now i have contact but I really dont know how i should handle this. My feelings and thoughts around this is just a huge mess.
+
+What do I do reddit?
+
+If you by the end of this gonna ask if i am not angry at my dad I am. I am angry at my dad for not beeing there and even more angry at him if what my mom said about him is true and he r|ped my mom. But the not beeing there my dad and have been able to talk about and sort out. And I did confront him about that other thing and if I find  that he is the one lying here and not my mom I will have to consider my relationship with him. But I don’t have that close contact with that to begin with as I have with mom.
+
+Also i wanna mention my half siblings. My younger halfsister (f19) , dads other daughter, is studying psychology abroad and seem to be doing well. She is going places. My dad was there for her a lot more than he was for me, I think he realised som mistake his he did the first time around, and while part of me is jealous i am also happy for my sister. Younger halfbrother (m33), mom’s other child is a bag of low self esteem, depressed with no spine or currage and mom still treats him like a baby. My halfbrother lives in an apartment my stepdad inherit from his parents and  2 minutes drive from my mom’s house. Basically that appartment is just a fancy replacement of my mom’s basment. My mom cleans his place follow him to doctors appointments and basically do anything for him. He was admitted to the psycward for a psychotic breakdown last year.  He have prior that had a brain tumour removed. He does need some help but he is not so disabled as  my mom pretends. Mom and step dad are very controlling over him. I mention my halfsiblings on both sides because if they are any indication of who’s the better parent I think my dad.
+</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2018-09-08</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/9e712f/a_bartender_played_no_scrubs_after_turning_down/" target="_blank" class="title">A bartender played &quot;no scrubs&quot; after turning down my request for her number. I made a mixtape and gave it to her the next week. Am I creepy?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hello Reddit,
+
+
+Her smokey eyes glistened playfully as she took the bar stool and sat between us. Conversation was mostly between her and my flirtatious friend, though there were attempts to include me I had little I wanted to add to the topic. My eyes were fixed on her as they had been for much of the night. Their conversation was coming to a close, my mind could think of no better time. Assertively and confidently I blurted out “May I have your number?”
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+One week earlier…
+
+My good friend Aaron and I went to a Mexican bar in Ballard, an old fishing neighborhood in Seattle. The bar tender’s shape was appealing to me. Aaron and I talked with her throughout the evening, and I made googly eyes at her. Though I was inebriated, I’m confident my presence had piqued her interest.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+One week later…
+
+Aaron, Thomas and I return to the Mexican bar, largely due to me wanting to see the bar tender again. YAY! She is working again! The three of us sit down at the bar and begin our usual bullshitting routine. Thomas is a huge flirt and makes delightful conversation with the bartender. Perhaps 20 minutes pass and she approaches our portion of the bar and asks if we have any song recommendations.
+
+She’s looking for 90s hip hop recommendations, not my strong suite so I lay low during the conversation. No song decision is made and she returns to other duties.
+
+Aaron gets up to go to the bathroom. While he is gone she comes around the bar and sits on Aaron’s stool, right between Thomas and I! Now I’m hella nervous because I know there will be no better opportunity for me to ask for her number, then when she is sitting right next to me.
+
+“May I have your number?” I’m downright shaking at this point.
+
+“I’m unavailable to give out the digits.”
+
+Crap, a vague and un-fulling answer.  Sigh, life goes on.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+I’m still into her, and I’m still seated at her bar. I keep on making eyes at her, trying to make eyes that said “I’m a little sad you turned down my request, especially because it felt like you were also making eyes at me. Was it all a ploy to get me to tip better, because that’s super reasonable.”
+
+Uncertain if she was able to translate all that, hardly matters because moments later disaster struck.
+
+She leaves the bar and puts on a new song. What song did she put on? WHAT SONG DID SHE PUT ON AFTER TURNING ME DOWN?!!!!!!
+
+TLC’s “No Scrubs.” Damn, she is cold. I love it, I’m loving every second as I sit there, ears burning while my friends speculate as to how spectacularly she had outplayed me. It’s not often you meet a girl cool enough to completely lay you out, a customer, while at her work.
+
+I couldn’t let it go, it’s not possible for me to take a music diss and sit on it.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+One week later:
+
+It’s a Thursday and I’m back in Ballard. I spent 5 hours creating a music mix specifically to prove to her that I’m not a scrub. I’m a badass ganster who doesn’t give a fuck about all the right things and refuses to roll over for some bullshit TLC song.
+
+USB stick in hand I walk up to the bar. She’s not working… I look like a huge creep walking past the windows slowly while peering inside.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+One day later:
+
+It’s Friday night, she will be working tonight. I’ve got my flashdrive containing the 5 minute mix, featuring 6 hella poignant song edits expressing my feelings.
+
+It’s creepy, the mix is creepy. I know it’s creepy because I made it, and I showed it to my partner. I’m in an open relationship with the coolest being :)
+
+Hand in hand we marched into the bar. It’s crowded. So fucking crowded, zero space to roll up to the bar. I spot her immediately, I have perhaps 2 seconds to make a plan without looking like I’m standing around like a mook. Taking the only option available, we push through the crowd right to the opening of the bar.
+
+She turns and I see recognition on her face. Perfect.
+
+“Last week you turned down my request for your number, then you played No Scrubs. I made you a mixtape with a personal note attached.”
+
+Hand outstretched I hand her the flash drive.
+
+“I’m flattered.”
+
+Everything comes to a dead halt as her co-workers realize they I’m taking a stand. Taking a stand for all beings who have ever been undeservedly accused of being a scrub. This aggression shall not STAND!
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+I panicked. My goal being accomplished I turned away and fled. Well more like Adele, led me out because it was too busy in there to walk side by side and we were still holding hands.
+
+I forgot to say goodbye, I forgot to act “normal” in any way.
+
+At the time of this writing I do not know if she has listened to the mix or has any interest in contacting me.
+
+Reddit, Do I have a chance with this girl?
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Here is a link to the mix: [https://audiomack.com/song/severin20/the-scorpio-s-mix](https://audiomack.com/song/severin20/the-scorpio-s-mix)
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Here is the contents of “The Note” included on the flash drive:
+
+Hi,
+
+In these moments, I&#x27;ve been thinking about you. You seem cool.
+
+When you played &quot;No Scrubs&quot; after turning down my number request... Damn, that was well played.
+
+I made this mix as a result of my feelings from those moments.
+
+You helped inspire this answer to &quot;no scrubs.&quot;
+
+Some people may find the music offensive.
+
+Bye :)
+
+\*\*cough\*\* \*\*ahem\*\*
+
+This song answer piques your interest in this being?
+
+\~emailthisgangster@gmail.com\~</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/family</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2018-01-30</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/family/comments/7typll/how_i_learned_about_my_birthfather_my_brother/" target="_blank" class="title">How I Learned About My Birthfather... &amp; My Brother?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I remember when I was around 11, my little cousin, Lily, who was 6, came from Cuba to the U.S. with her parents. They stayed in our home for a few months until they were able to find a place.
+
+Right before they left for their new home; I was on my computer, I was 12, playing educational computer games. My family is chattering/gossiping in the living room per usual. I never had any interest in the family gossip, I just wanted to be in my own little space/world. Lily was not like that at all, she loved to listen-in on family drama. It was not long until Lily came barging into the room saying:
+&quot;I know a secret.&quot;
+&quot;What?&quot;
+&quot;Roberto isn&#x27;t your real dad.&quot;
+&quot;Liar.&quot;
+&quot;I&#x27;m not lying, they&#x27;re talking about it!&quot;
+&quot;I don&#x27;t believe you, so just leave me alone.&quot;
+&quot;Just ask your mom.&quot;
+
+After that she left the room and the seed of doubt was planted in my head. I did not think twice of it at that moment. It sure as hell bothered the hell out of me for days.. then weeks.. and eventually to months, to almost a year.
+
+It wasn&#x27;t long after, I started to doubt it myself. I did not really look like my father, Roberto. He was light-medium brown skin color, I had pale skin with freckles. My mother had a light tan. Things that I did not notice before started to bother me. The difference in skin color, I did not have his last name, there were not baby pictures of him holding me. I did not feel a connection to this man. I was 13, almost 14, when I decided to confront my mom about it while she was organizing important documents. There was something about this that was bugged me was that... I KNEW the answer to her question BEFORE she could respond. I was 99.9% sure already, but I still had that 0.1% in order to fully believe it.
+&quot;Mom, can I ask you something?&quot;
+&quot;What?&quot;
+&quot;Is Roberto my real dad?&quot;
+&quot;No.&quot;
+&quot;Who is?&quot;
+&quot;I can&#x27;t talk right now, I&#x27;m busy.&quot;
+
+It was at that moment that I knew she did not really care to talk about it. Of course, I would bring it up again and she would brush it off just the same. &quot;I&#x27;m busy,&quot; or &quot;Not right now.&quot; After a while, I stopped communicating with my mother and our relationship has suffered, to this day, because of it. It was not long after my mother asked for a divorce to my step-father. I remember her sitting me down on the couch and talking to me through it. I did not have a strong relationship with Roberto to begin with, it hurt to an extent, but it was not something that I felt devastated over. She did end up telling me that she married Roberto to provide me a father figure.
+
+On my 14th birthday, Roberto tells my mother and aunt that we need to leave the house permanently. The day after my birthday, we packed up our things the same day and left. All of this happened one week before school started, I was going to start high school. It was hard for the first few months, and around that time I started to get more curious about my birthfather as Roberto was separating himself from the picture. So I began to research him, ask my mother (always backfires on me), and listening to family gossip. One of the few things I caught was that my mother came into the U.S. legally, unknowingly pregnant. When she began to go see the doctors for a check-up, that is when she found out she was pregnant. Got married to my step-father, Roberto, when I was 2yrs, and from there I believed he was my father all along up until I asked her.
+
+On April 20th, 2017 I received a random friend request on Facebook. The last name was exactly like my last name and strangely enough, looking at this guy&#x27;s profile picture, he looked a lot like me -- strange. It took me a few days of speculation to finally grow the balls to accept the friend request after 6 days, April 25th.
+&quot;May I ask who you are? And do you have any relationship to Alexander?&quot;
+&quot;I am his son. From what I see, you&#x27;re my sister.&quot;
+From there he asked for my phone number. I was still skeptical and asked for details such as my birthfather&#x27;s birthday and my mother&#x27;s name to prove it. Once it was proven, I gave him me information. I found out I had a little brother in Cuba, he turned just 19 this year in January. My birthfather and his family were in Cuba. My brother 3½ yrs younger than me. It is absolutely crazy thinking how I was raised as an only child, while he was raised knowing I existed somewhere in the world. I still have trouble wrapping my head around this.
+
+I video chatted with my birthfather, Alexander, and brother, Lazaro, for hours. My father was crying. I did not get the full details on HOW they found me, it was hard to understand -- the Internet connection was extremely bad and it costs a lot of money to communicate from Cuba to the United States. I saw my grandparents for the first time. My grandfather was crying on the webcam and my grandmother was crying as well. They looked so happy and kept telling me that they prayed to God every day to just see me and that I was happy/healthy. We all laughed, we cried, we smiled. It was bittersweet. We asking questions and answering them through smiles, tears, and laughter.
+
+Unfortunately, a lot of time has passed, and that would be the first and only time I would have seen my grandmother. She died unexpectedly on December 24th, 2017. (R.I.P. Abuela Ramona)
+
+Hopefully, I can make a trip out to Cuba this year so that I can meet my family. My mother will not be joining me on my trip as she does not want to be part of that. I am not mad at my mother, I am just disappointed in the way she kept such a secret from me. I do not trust her on the same level as I did prior to all of it. My hands are shaking as I write all of this down. I am still trying to wrap my head around it. It is 2018 now and I will be planning a trip this summer to see them hopefully. The realization is hitting me that I am anxious beyond belief. I felt as though I babbled a little too much, but I needed to get this all out. This was therapeutic for me. I am going to sleep now, good night ladies and gentlemen. Sleep well.
+
+I will be making a new post about meeting them. Thank you for reading.</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
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+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-07-21</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1e8ol2n/how_to_deal_with_coworker/" target="_blank" class="title">How to deal with coworker</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hi all, I (29f) recently got a new job as a lab assistant. I&#x27;m currently being trained (sometimes I&#x27;m trained by her but usually not) and my coworker (56f) who&#x27;s been at this location has been making me seriously consider quitting. I feel that she&#x27;s not trying to hurt my feelings but she says things very often that leave me feeling terrible. Everyone at work can tell I&#x27;m stressed and they are assuming it&#x27;s because of the job, but really I&#x27;m just frustrated with my coworker. I don&#x27;t feel comfortable bringing it up as I&#x27;m on probation currently.
+
+For context we are mostly phlebotomists and all draw blood in the same room, there&#x27;s 4 chairs that we share between us, and the lab/front desk are connected by a doorway. So, there&#x27;s no where to go to avoid this coworker.
+
+Some examples of things she&#x27;s said: She asks &quot;hey Icy, are you excited to go to the new location?&quot; I respond &quot;very excited&quot; in a somewhat emphatic tone without turning around because I&#x27;m filling out a form. She responds &quot;well I don&#x27;t see why you would have signed up for this job and be excited to leave, because this is the job you signed up for&quot; She goes on like this for about a minute and I just cold shoulder her and don&#x27;t respond because I can&#x27;t think of how to respond and I&#x27;m trying to work, and what she&#x27;s saying is giving me the impression that she thinks I&#x27;m doing something wrong, when really I&#x27;m just doing what my supervisor asks me to do. Later, she asks me why I&#x27;m leaving. I just shrug and say that I don&#x27;t know. She turns around and starts asking our other coworker in a hushed tone about what&#x27;s going on. To me this whole interaction is toxic because I don&#x27;t feel it&#x27;s her place to speculate as to why I took this job, and actually I like the job, I&#x27;m just tired of interacting with her. And to talk to someone else about why I&#x27;m moving directly in front of me feels very gossipy and inappropriate.
+
+I&#x27;m new to the team and I don&#x27;t want to rustle feathers, so largely I let these things go unaddressed because I&#x27;m worried about being too direct, and I&#x27;d like to not incur any more ire.
+
+Later I&#x27;m cleaning up the stations, and she asks me &quot;are you not going to clean my station?&quot; I respond that if she would like me to I will. She responds by saying &quot;do you think it needs to be cleaned?&quot;. I was trying to not bother her while she was at her station but I can see how she might interpret me not cleaning hers as a slight. So I finish cleaning and I come over and we kind of repeat the interaction, and I decide to just clean it, she looks over at her station and says &quot;oh, dang it really did need to be cleaned, sorry!&quot; and then we just move on.
+
+I really try to be kind, but her interactions leave me feeling very exhausted and like she sees me as a bad person, or that my behavior is somehow a slight. Which I think has reinforced some kind of feedback loop, where I try to avoid her and she says things that are offensive or talks about me behind my back because she can tell something is off.
+
+I can imagine how to address these specific situations more directly, by saying &quot;hey it really hurts my feeling that you&#x27;re speculating about why I took this job, but my reasons are private and not something I want to talk about.&quot; or &quot;I&#x27;d be glad to clean your station, but I feel that there&#x27;s some reason you&#x27;re asking me if I&#x27;m not going to, or if I think it should be. Really I was just worried about intruding on your space while you&#x27;re in it.&quot;
+
+but I&#x27;m worried that even these confrontations won&#x27;t get her to stop, and I&#x27;m really concerned that when this all starts back up again as soon as I&#x27;m on site I&#x27;m going to just go to my boss because I don&#x27;t know how to handle her being what feels to me like she&#x27;s unloading judgements on me.
+
+I&#x27;ve backslid on my mental health and even started to have some catatonia again, I&#x27;ve spent all weekend just replaying our interactions over and over, and I&#x27;m having really bad negative thoughts, and the gossiping really isn&#x27;t helping my paranoia - So I know I&#x27;m reaching my limit
+
+Tl;DR my coworkers interactions are leaving me feeling inferior, and judged, I think it&#x27;s just the way she &quot;plays&quot; with people, as part of her personality and not her trying to be actually mean, as everyone in the group kind of makes slight digs at each other in a fun manner. She&#x27;s just straightforward about her feelings, but I don&#x27;t feel I have the grounds to ask her to back off and it&#x27;s seriously affecting my mental health. One thought I have is to try to enlist another coworker in helping me, by explaining my issues, because then she could gently broach the topic to her friend who she understands
+
+Edit: currently I can&#x27;t read the comments, I think it&#x27;s a reddit thing. I can see y&#x27;all responding in my notifications. As soon as it fixes itself I&#x27;ll respond!</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2019-02-22</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/atm9p1/my_25m_so_31f_wants_me_to_improve_my_sex_game_and/" target="_blank" class="title">My (25M) SO (31F) wants me to improve my sex game and I need help</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Wanted to post this to r/askmen but i was blocked by the automoderator
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Throwaway for obvious reasons.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+My SO and I have been together for over a year and have been living together for about 9 months.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+The past few months have not been as sexually active as the beginning of our relationship, which has caused some frustration for the two of us.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+From my perspective, she is very unforgiving when it comes to any kind of misstep during foreplay, or even during the actual act. Meaning the sometimes, if I kiss her somewhere where she does like, she will be completely turned off and it will all end there. Moreover, she is very critical of whatever I will be doing telling me I am not things properly and whatnot. Whenever I used to have any sort of desire and I approached her, she would push me away in a very explicit way, if she is not in the mood. Whenever she did, I would back off, as I want to respect her personal space, but the tone in which she does it is pretty harsh. All this has lead me to become more reclusive, and less spontaneous. I do not longer want to approach her and start flirting with her physically, as I do not like being pushed away, or criticized for what I am doing. The (few) times that we do have sex, I am extra careful not to ruin the mood by doing something that will turn her off, like licking her neck.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Turns out though, that she interprets my careful approach as a lack of confidence or experience. She nowadays tells me that she is frustrated since I never take initiative, and that she wishes that I would assert myself as a man and grab her with strength and confidence. She would like me to initiate things and try new things as well. And since I am not doing it, this obviously frustrates her. On top of it, she does not like telling me what she would like me to do to her. She believes that I should be able to read her body without her telling me. My philosophy though, is that I need to do some exploration with every new partner, to find some mutual ground, and see what she likes and she can see what I like. She feels like she is teaching me sex, when she has to explain how she likes things done to her.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Now, I know that if I sit on my chair and tell my SO that SHE needs to change her attitude, and SHE needs to do this and bla bla bla, we will stay in the vicious circle and we will both remain frustrated. I also want to show her that instead of pointing fingers, it is much better for her to come and see me with solutions. We are clearly not the first couple that has sexual frustrations. But working our problems is not a matter of shifting the blame on one another. So I decided to put my ego aside, and bite the bullet, and improve my sex game.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+The problem is, I do not know where to start. I somewhat distrust sexuality books, since often times, they are not based on fact or science, they are more speculative than anything else.
+
+What I would like to know is, do any of you have some resources that they would like to share? Books/youtube channels/podcasts/forums, etc?
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+Thanks in advance!
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+TLDR: I need resources to satisfy my GF sexually</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2018-08-13</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/96uzuc/what_is_the_best_way_for_me_28m_to_deal_with_a/" target="_blank" class="title">What is the best way for me [28M] to deal with a bunch of unprofessional-acting coworkers [assorted M and F, 20s-40s] who treat our office space like a gossipy high school campus?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hello Reddit,
+
+I&#x27;m a recent hire (less than four months on the job) at a marketing company, having switched careers where I was previously a moderately successful male, print and runway model. My new employer is fully aware of my former profession.
+
+Our office is an open floor, no cubicles, so everyone can pretty much see everyone else all day long. There are about eighteen workers, plus the owner \[50s?M\] of the company and his second in charge \[40s?M\].
+
+My coworkers are three guys and all the rest women.
+
+The nature of our job often involves lulls in the action where there will be many minutes, even hours where literally nothing is happening, so it&#x27;s easy to chat with one another.
+
+I&#x27;m new, so when I arrived at the company most of my coworkers approached me at one point or another to introduce themselves. Most of my coworkers are about my age or slightly older. I didn&#x27;t see anything wrong with this, and I was polite and friendly to everyone.
+
+During periods of little action at our office, sometimes the entire office floor will be involved in conversation that has nothing to do with business. These conversations only ever occur when the owners aren&#x27;t looking, as they obviously don&#x27;t approve of us just shooting the shit while we&#x27;re getting paid. When we&#x27;re not talking to clients or working on projects, we&#x27;re supposed to be researching new client opportunities, double-checking our existing work, contacting existing clients to inquire as to their satisfaction with our performance, etc.
+
+My coworkers would try to get me to get involved in their off-task behavior, and I&#x27;ll politely answer questions when asked, but I try not to reveal too much of my personal life when at work, whereas most of my coworkers reveal incredibly intimate details of their personal lives loudly in front of everyone (who they&#x27;re dating/fucking, who&#x27; pregnant, who&#x27;s a tramp, etc.). It appears that most of these people socialize with one another after work to a serious degree, because they talk about getting high and wasted together.
+
+Well soon after I got hired one of my female coworkers \[mid 30s F\], I&#x27;ll call her Kim says she recognizes me from a cologne ad that I was in a few years ago, so I said yeah I used to be a male model. Then all of a sudden the fact that I was a model became a huge topic for everyone in the office, with everyone googling pictures of me and commenting on my appearance. I didn&#x27;t really want that to happen but I suppose it was inevitable because I wasn&#x27;t exactly trying to keep it a secret, I just didn&#x27;t volunteer to talk about it. I figured they&#x27;d get over it, get bored, and move on to other things.
+
+But over the next couple of weeks Kim became increasingly flirtatious and started hinting that she wanted to date me. To spare her any embarassment, one time when she asked me what I did for the weekend I told her my wife \[29F\] and I went to a certain movie. Then all of a sudden everyone was googling my wife, who is also a former model but now a stay at home mother to our son \[2M\]. Everyone at the office is in my business all the time and speculating why I am working at a marketing company and am not a millionaire. I don&#x27;t really defend myself to these people but I just said one day that not all models are supermodels or world famous, and that some, like me and my wife, were just in some ad campaigns at one time, and have since moved on to other careers.
+
+But now the gossip is that my wife and I must be cokeheads or that we blew all our money and are now broke. Ridiculous. If you&#x27;re wondering, my wife and I put most of our money in the bank for the kid, and invested the rest in our house.
+
+I normally wouldn&#x27;t mind this kind of talk, but it&#x27;s hard to avoid any of these people because we&#x27;re all hemmed in the same office and can look at one another all day long. There&#x27;s even a rumor floating around that I tried to ask Kim out and cheat on my wife.
+
+First of all that&#x27;s a lie, and cheating on my wife for Kim would be like throwing out a premium filet mignon for a can of old, rotten cat food. Yet all of these boring people have nothing better to do than talk about me.
+
+Since these people all hang around together and appear to rely on one another for most if not all of their friendships, they often go out together on Friday nights after work. They keep inviting me to go with them and one time I actually went, and Kim tried to pretend to be drunk and actually made a pass at me. I played it off and the next Monday pretended like nothing happened, but it was still awkward. I don&#x27;t want to go out with these people again but at the same time I don&#x27;t want to make enemies. They&#x27;re also pressing me to bring my wife with me, and I&#x27;m thinking, why the hell would my wife want to bring our baby to a bar?
+
+When I make excuses about not going out with them, they start spreading talk about how I think I&#x27;m better than them, or that they&#x27;re all ugly. It&#x27;s so gross because some of the guys will run into me in the break room and try to ask me, &quot;hey dude, did you ever bang anyone famous?&quot; It&#x27;s so gross and inappropriate.
+
+I&#x27;m new at the company but I don&#x27;t like how everyone talks about me and my personal life all the time. At the same time, I don&#x27;t want to come off like a snitch and get people in trouble. On some occasions I&#x27;ve said &quot;I&#x27;d appreciate it if you don&#x27;t discuss my personal life&quot; they all laugh and say &quot;oh you&#x27;re a public figure so nothing you do is private.&quot;
+
+Any strategies on how to deal with these people?
+
+Thank you Reddit!-----------\*\*tl;dr: my new coworkers have nothing better to do than gossip about me and discuss my personal life. How do I get them to cut it out?\*\*</div>
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+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2016-11-02</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5at7qk/i_21m_desperately_need_help_asking_her_21f_out_in/" target="_blank" class="title">I [21M] desperately need help asking her [21F] out in the right way</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Im in need of some critical help Reddit. I have known this young woman for 2 years now, we&#x27;re currently both seniors in college, but we&#x27;re not very close friends, we&#x27;re more fringe friends who share a lot of mutual friends. I&#x27;ve wanted to ask her out for the past year but the timing has never been appropriate. Either I was not in a position to handle a relationship or she was studying abroad while I was on the main campus.
+
+
+This year is different, I&#x27;ve developed a friendly relation with her and as it turns out our apartments are roughly 35 ft from each other. The only negative factors I can think of are the amount of time left before we graduate (in May), and the high workload that both of our majors carries. Im not afraid of her saying no and I recognize that not everything can work out that way, but I&#x27;d really like to have at least one date with her to see if we are compatible. See relationships are weird for me, I dont really ask someone out because I know I want to be in a relationship with them, I want to get to know that person and see if we&#x27;d be a good match and go from there. On October 4th I said I would do it within a month because time has really been getting on. Nov 4th is in a couple days and I&#x27;ve said that the next time I see her will be when I ask her.
+
+
+So why the post then? This young woman is particularly shy, not in the sense that she&#x27;s reclusive, because she&#x27;s actually quite social. The problem enters basic conversation. When you ask someone how they&#x27;re doing generally you expect some sort of return question, that doesn&#x27;t happen with her. Everyone (not just me) who she doesn&#x27;t know well she treats like this until she gets to know them better.
+
+
+While I&#x27;ve started to develop with her and started having more conversations instead of question &amp; answer sessions I&#x27;m not sure how to ask her out. Quite a lot of people have asked her out, at the beginning of last year one of the guys who I was living with asked her out and she said yes. I later found out she said yes because she said she didn&#x27;t know how to say No. As to why she wanted to say No I can only speculate. Speculation says that its because we were all abroad that semester she was one of only a handful of people staying. I would like to give her the opportunity to say No easily to me if she so chooses but I&#x27;m also not sure if I should? That sounds backwards but I&#x27;m not sure if I shouldn&#x27;t give that free space and just go on a date with her and let it go from there? I&#x27;m very confused here.
+
+
+The other problem with this is I don&#x27;t know HOW to ask her. I don&#x27;t know if I should casually ask her next time I see her and leave it very ambiguous to it being a date? I&#x27;m not a fan of asking her over messenger which has been suggested to me. Do I want to just ask her on a date and figure out the details some other time?
+
+
+The best suggestion I heard from one of my friends was to ask her to go see the new Harry Potter movie with me but that didn&#x27;t answer the question of ambiguity for me. I&#x27;m very confused as to what to do.
+
+
+  ---
+  **tl;dr**: How should I go about asking out this shy girl?</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2016-04-14</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4eq2ok/my_23m_successful_business_operation_is_at_risk/" target="_blank" class="title">My [23M] successful business operation is at risk after the breakup between my close friends [24M, 23F].</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hi reddit. I feel completely lost here and need some advice.
+
+
+As the title says, I am involved in a successful business endeavor within the entertainment industry. I have been pursuing this venture for many years now, and I believe that if I continue along this path and my business associates (who are my close friends) maintain their effort and dedication to what we have built, I will one day be in a position that I have always dreamed of with my business.
+
+
+Here is the dilemma. On a recent business trip, my friend/business partner, Hayden, began to have an emotional affair with a girl who was with us on the trip but not involved with our business. Hayden had been in a relationship for around eight years with a girl, Kendall. Kendall and I are also close friends and met through Hayden when we founded our business. Kendall has even helped the business financially when we were struggling. Their relationship outwardly seemed so strong and they appeared to have a lot of love for each other. Though Hayden and I have more history and have been friends for longer, Kendall and I lived together for months alongside Hayden and connected/bonded well. Just before moving in together, I went through a particularly nasty breakup, and later after the move Kendall talked to me about it and supported me through it. Hayden was unaware of the breakup I went through because I am bisexual and the relationship was with another male. I was afraid to tell Hayden the truth about that, but Kendall earned my trust and she is openly bisexual herself, so she was easy to talk to.
+
+
+Admittedly, I sometimes wondered if Hayden ever had disapproving feelings towards my friendship with Kendall because we would go out and eat places and run errands together, so I would ask her if he was alright with it and she would always say that he had no complaints, and that even if he did, she felt that since we weren&#x27;t doing anything wrong she had no desire to explain herself to him. The two of them lived with another male friend of ours in an apartment for two years with no concerns. Also, my business partner friend went to another state a couple of times for days and left Kendall and I alone together at the apartment. There was no apprehension whatsoever. We continued on until our lease was up with no arguments, no drama, etc. I moved back in with my parents, and Hayden and Kendall moved in with Hayden&#x27;s mom.
+
+
+Months went by and during this time, Kendall and I didn&#x27;t really talk much. We hung out once during this period, but didn&#x27;t really make it a consistent thing and afterwards barely spoke to each other. Hayden and I did, of course, and my business was organizing a lengthy (three weeks) business trip to the other side of the country. We were very excited at the opportunities this trip would present but had a lot of preparing to do. I personally invested a decent amount of my own savings into the trip, and as a whole we went into debt to make it happen.
+
+
+We embarked on the business trip, and there was a girl with us named Kate. Kate doesn&#x27;t work for us, but she is involved with a different business and had joined us on the trip along with some of her associates. Kate appeared to be in a relationship with one of her business partners, but externally it was difficult to assess the situation fully. However, before we knew it, Hayden had begun to talk to Kate more and more on the trip. Suddenly, they began to walk off alone and talk for hours. Hayden would stay with Kate&#x27;s group some nights at the hotel and started to create a sort of distance between himself and our group.
+
+
+One of my friends/business partners, Thomas, began speculating that Hayden was having an affair with Kate. At this point, I was entirely uninterested in what Hayden was doing and initially told Thomas to quit assuming, though in time it was revealed that Thomas was correct and Hayden WAS having a mental affair with Kate. Hayden asserted that he did nothing sexual with Kate, which is believable considering her coworkers were usually with them, but he did feel that he wanted to pursue Kate and (most likely) break up with Kendall.
+
+
+Though I doubted that Hayden would truly break up with Kendall, sure enough shortly after we returned to town he ended things with her and told her about Kate. Kendall seemed to not take it well. She was very close to Hayden and was a loyal girlfriend to him. She has few friends outside of him, and her family is unfortunately really dysfunctional. When the breakup occurred, Hayden suggested to Kendall that she visit me or Thomas for comfort and support because Kendall didn&#x27;t want to be around him. She came to my house and explained the situation in tears.
+
+
+I expected this outcome because she randomly texted me asking to come over and, as I said earlier, we only hung out one time after moving out of the apartment we lived in. I felt awful for her and told her that she could talk to me or hang with me any time she needed to. She helped me a lot with my breakup, and I felt I could resonate with how she was feeling at that time. I did also text Hayden saying sorry things didn&#x27;t work out and to hit me up if he needed me at all. He thanked me and said he was alright.
+
+
+After breaking up with Kendall, Hayden began to pursue Kate. Kate lives outside of our state, so he would have to travel hours to see her, which he did willingly. Kendall was having a rough time with the breakup so she hung out with me often while Hayden was gone. One night, Kendall and I went out and had some drinks with some friends. Hayden had been out of town for multiple days now with Kate, but planned to return home that night. Kendall was (and still is) living at Hayden&#x27;s mom&#x27;s house with Hayden and was reluctant to go back there since he was supposed to return. I offered for her to stay at my parents&#x27; house. &quot;We have plenty of couch space,&quot; I said. But when it came time to go to sleep, Kendall slept with me in my bed. I didn&#x27;t ask her to, but didn&#x27;t reject her. We didn&#x27;t kiss or do anything sexual, but did cuddle somewhat. I&#x27;ll admit it felt nice but it wasn&#x27;t entirely intimate.
+
+
+The next day, Hayden somehow realized Kendall stayed at my house, I guess he saw her car at my house when he got into town that night. I received indication from Thomas that Hayden suspected Kendall and I of having sex. I believe Hayden and Thomas talked, but I&#x27;m not sure what was said. I wanted to reassure Hayden that nothing had happened, but figured it would be best to wait until I saw him in person next. He and I had a one-on-one meeting scheduled a couple days out, but the night before Hayden texted me furiously. I tried to console him, but it was useless. I was at Thomas&#x27;s during this time. After the texts from Hayden subsided, I spoke to Thomas for a long time about the situation and he seemed to agree that Hayden brought this on himself and that as long as Kendall and I were platonic we were doing nothing wrong.
+
+
+So, I went home that night, took a step back, and realized I was actually beginning to develop a crush on Kendall. It seemed to develop after their breakup, but I do think the possibility for it was there all along. Kendall is a very naturally beautiful girl who gets hit on a lot. She is also quite successful and is entering a field that has a 100% job success rate. In fact, she is going to be gone for a whole year in the next couple months to pursue her career further in a town about an hour away (which I think would help ease this situation).
+
+
+I realized I began to admire Kendall a lot, so I told her because I felt guilty. I was supposed to be there to support her and I was just crushing on her. I told her how I felt and gave her the option to cease hanging with me, but she did not and seemed fine with it. She didn&#x27;t tell me how she felt about me at first, but it was revealed a bit later that she felt similarly.
+
+
+At some point over the next few days she must have let how I feel slip to Hayden because he messaged me on Facebook where he and I had a long, heated conversation in which he expressed his extreme fury to me and also said that he was depressed and had a desire to kill himself. Thomas also informed me that Hayden was threatening to leave our business. Immediately I made sure Kendall was aware (she was) and asked her to take him for a psych evaluation. We also stopped hanging out.
+
+
+She attempted to bring Hayden to a clinic, but he never ended up going. Eventually, after days and days, Hayden and I had face-to-face conversation, though he was reluctant. It went extremely well, we connected with each other, and he said he had no plans to leave the business. He said Kendall and I could do whatever we wanted, but he was worried that if we were to date that it would create awakawrdness. I told him I understood and despite my crush I wasn&#x27;t pursuing a relationship with her. Kendall continued to monitor Hayden, and his demeanor and overall attitude seemed to improve and become more positive.
+
+
+Hayden continued to make trips to Wisconsin to see Kate, though her business associate (the one we speculated she was in a relationship with) was becoming increasingly tense towards Hayden and told Kate not to trust him. It was also confirmed by now that Kate and the associate HAD previously been in a relationship. The guy seemed to be quite distraught, but Hayden brushed it off and even seemed to find it humorous. While Hayden was away on a trip to an industry convention with Kate, Kendall and I began to hang again. Hayden would call my phone or Kendall&#x27;s phone to ask where she was or to chat to me about the convention, but I got the feeling he was monitoring us.
+
+
+When Hayden returned to town, the freshly-healed wound had opened up once again, and Hayden became increasingly upset with me and Kendall for hanging out. At this point, Hayden&#x27;s relationship with Kate was beginning to die out and I believe she began spending more time with her business associate again. Hayden seemed to be taking it okay, but he suddenly turned his focus back onto Kendall.
+
+
+This puts us almost where we are at present day, though it has been several weeks since Hayden and Kate stopped talking. During this time, there has been an extreme lack of communication between me and Hayden, and our business is suffering as a result of that and his lack of motivation to contribute due to me. Hayden seems to really want to get back with Kendall now, but Kendall isn&#x27;t interested in doing so. She never was even initially after their breakup (I even suggested to her they could work things out), but I feel Hayden attributes her choice to the fact that she&#x27;s hanging out with me.
+
+
+I can understand why it may be difficult for him to see her hanging out with another male, but we are not in a relationship despite it being months and months months since their breakup. I&#x27;m even pretty careful not to share anything involving Kendall to social media because I know it would hurt Hayden to see it. I have made it clear to him that we are not pursuing each other, though I will admit that I know Kendall wants that and I do, too. I think in the far future, once this blows over and Hayden moves on, that could be a possibility. But I need a more immediate solution. I honestly and truthfully still love Hayden as a close friend and hate knowing that he feels I have destroyed his chance at getting back with his ex-girlfriend. But I feel that I haven&#x27;t, and even if I have, so what? He doesn&#x27;t deserve another chance.
+
+
+I&#x27;d like to try and rectify this situation without having to pick and choose friends. Kendall and I could hang out less or back off, but should we? Though we are not as platonic as we were at the beginning of this rift, we are still not a &quot;thing&quot; and as far as Hayden knows, nothing is happening anyway. I just feel like I have come to this weird crossroads where I have to pick between my business or a potential future life partner. I connect with Kendall really well, and we seem to be a very greate match. I&#x27;m not the type of person who dates a lot, so this is the connection I have been waiting for.
+
+
+Additionally, I worry that I will earn a reputation amongst my friends as a &quot;home wrecker&quot; or something. While most people we know support Kendall and I hanging, I know some don&#x27;t. Do I have any options here? Should I just try and let things blow over, or is there something specific I can do to help the situation now? Am I making a mistake or am I blind to something that I&#x27;ve done that is absolutely immoral?
+
+
+One other thing: Thomas seems to not be helping during this situation. He thinks he is, but he is simply going back and forth between Hayden and I and creating more tension. Hayden and Thomas had also been friends for years since before I met them, so they also have that bond. Is there a way I can handle this aspect without upsetting Thomas? Is it even worth approaching? I feel he may simply just choose Hayden&#x27;s side after a certain point. It may even be happening now.
+
+
+Thank you for reading this and for any advice that you can give me, reddit. I need something.
+
+
+tl;dr: My close friends broke up because the individual in the relationship I was closest with and am involved in a business with had a mental affair on a business trip. The other has begun hanging out with me after the breakup and we both like each other. My business partner friend is angry at me and wants to get back with his ex now that the relationship he was pursuing has fallen through. Is there any way I can resolve this and keep them both in my life?</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2016-01-28</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/434394/did_my_22f_dad_59m_really_find_his_soul_mate_51f/" target="_blank" class="title">Did my [22F] dad [59M] really find his soul mate [51F] or is he being taken by a gold digger?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">[WARNING: LONG POST. It&#x27;s all very relevant.]
+
+I&#x27;ve been convinced that my dad married a gold digger and I just need outside opinions.
+
+Some background: My dad has a pretty comfortable salary of over $100k per year, this becomes relevant in a few. Anyway, my parents divorced in around 2012, but he and I moved to the next state over in July 2011. The divorce wasn&#x27;t finalized until early 2012. He went out on a few dates with women he describes as &quot;reminding me of your mother&quot; so he eventually stopped going out with local women. In the Fall of 2011, a woman from Connecticut contacted him using things I like to call &quot;headhunting tactics.&quot; Saying she *felt his energy* and knew he was a good man for her friend. Being a naive idiot my dad fell for it and got cyber-introduced to her friend.
+
+A woman in Brazil.
+
+If I remember correctly they first met in December 2011, as in he went down to Brazil unattended knowing very, very little Brazillian Portuguese after knowing her for a few months and they hit it off. She came down in Summer of 2012 and that summer forever fucked over my summers because of how she acts, it&#x27;s ridiculous but I&#x27;ll get to that later. They married, yes, *married* in August in 2012. Not official married, like they had a super small ceremony at the Justice of The Peace and then in court a few days later or something.
+
+Anyway, let me tell you about some shit that has been going on.
+
+
+What I can confirm:
+
+* She is a compulsive shopper and she likes the expensive stuff. We get packages from Amazon 2-3 times per week addressed to her and he&#x27;s either supposed to bring them with him when he goes down there, or she&#x27;s supposed to take them when she comes down in the Summer. One time we went to the Salvation Army and she saw a table set she really liked but my dad told her no because the table would be too big for our kitchen. She threw a hissy fit and sat down at the chair in front of the table like a fucking toddler. My boyfriend was with me and it was so damn embarrassing seeing a grown woman acting like a child because she won&#x27;t get what she wants. When she told my dad he needed a new mattress they bought a new one. It was a Tempur-Pedic Motion that costed $5,000, except she didn&#x27;t pay for that. She&#x27;ll buy stuff from Savers or other stores and leave them here that we&#x27;ll never, EVER, use such as: a waffle maker, omelette maker, and a blender. The waffle maker hasn&#x27;t been touched since it was bought. She&#x27;s bought like 3 bird baths and we had to throw 2 of them out because they rusted.
+
+* When they go to the mall in my home state they go to Every. Single. Store. If they leave for the mall at 1pm they&#x27;ll be back at 12am with 25 bags from everywhere. Victoria&#x27;s Secret, Cheesecake Factory, Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister, Old Navy, etc. I know my dad he fucking *HATES* Victoria&#x27;s Secret so why he would even look at the store is beyond me.
+
+* It took her three years to drop the Green Card talk, which in my opinion either makes her an incredibly smart scammer or she genuinely loves him. Their first plan was for her to get a Green Card since she retires in 3 years and when she does she can move up here and wait for him to retire so they can go wherever the fuck they want. Well, that plan changed at the beginning of the year. He now wants to retire in 3 years and move to Brazil and basically tell his entire family to fuck off forever. She doesn&#x27;t plan on learning English and he has taken classes at the local University to learn Portuguese, that&#x27;s kind of important as well.
+
+* This is unrelated to money but it&#x27;s still important to list. My dad changed his entire person just to suit this woman and he&#x27;s become something he ranted in the past that he hated. For one I remember him ranting that he hated Portuguese women now he goes &quot;oh no no no she&#x27;s different!!&quot; When my mom had plants he laughed at her and called them, and her, stupid. His wife is into plants so she buys a fuckton that he has to take care of, now he&#x27;s a plant guy. Years ago he couldn&#x27;t give a shit about birds, now he says his dream is to live in Brazil sitting on the front porch feeding the birds. Also, he got a pet bird who has a very huge attitude problem and she&#x27;s really fucking annoying, he frequently yells at her to shut up. His wife is very much a Spiritualist and frequently buys &quot;spiritual rocks&quot; off Amazon and puts them in places around the house. Twice she broke eggs, removed the yolk and whites inside, and laid the egg shells on the windowsil in the kitchen for some ridiculous spiritual reason. My dad raved for years about being an Existentialist and thought Spirituality was a bunch of horse shit, now he&#x27;s a Spiritualist. What the fuck?
+
+* My dad describes her as having a cute little &quot;problem with punctuality.&quot; However, she only has that problem when HE wants to go somewhere. If he makes plans to go see my Aunt at 2pm, at 1:50 she&#x27;ll find something to do such as trying on dresses or rearranging her jewelry and they won&#x27;t leave until like 4. But when SHE wants to go shopping, he has to drop everything and GO GO GO NOW. They almost missed their anniversary trip to the Vineyard because when he wanted to leave she thought it&#x27;d be a perfect time to rearrange her jewelry. That was the only time I saw him put his foot down and tell her No and they were almost late to the ferry. He frequently complains about her dumb punctuality problem after she leaves.
+
+* Everyone he knew from our home state told him it&#x27;s a scam and not to go when he first told them about the Brazilian woman. Yet he still went, now his sisters talk to him just to trash him behind his back and make fun of the wife. He insisted that she was &quot;different&quot; and insisted that she is real and not a schemeing scammer. No one knows what they do listed above. He intentionally hid the fact that he was marrying her from everyone, claiming that he was scared that they would be mad. My brother was furious and my Aunts just laughed at how stupid and naive he is. When people from our old town began asking my mom about him, they asked her if he had a gambling/alcohol problem and asked her if she knew he was like that before.
+
+* He was complaining earlier this month about not being able to go back down to Brazil in the Spring because of money and was worrying about telling her. So naturally I asked &quot;why don&#x27;t you ask her for money since you gave her more than she asked for that time?&quot; He didn&#x27;t give me a clear answer, he just avoided the question. He&#x27;s always claiming she makes the same amount as he does, so how come she can&#x27;t be fair and pay for his airfare like he does?
+
+
+
+What I cannot confirm, but strongly speculate:
+
+* Her teeth have always been terrible. She has an overbite and some of her teeth are spaced out too much. She got braces last year and I asked my dad how she paid for it. He said she paid cash and I don&#x27;t believe that for a second. I believe he gave her the money to pay for them and just didn&#x27;t want to tell me.
+
+* The friend of the wife&#x27;s from Connecticut was complimented on Facebook for bringing my dad and the wife together. She said &quot;I&#x27;ll find you a good Gringo too.&quot; She deleted the Facebook comment soon after. Three people have told me they remember seeing her post that. A Gringo is a term used for an American, in her case, man. Could that have been a slip indicating she was looking for a rich man from America? I don&#x27;t know but it sure smells like it.
+
+So reddit, are they in a genuine, loving relationship or is she a gold digger just out for his money?
+
+**TL;DR Dad marries Brazilian woman he met online months after divorcing my mom. She is a shopaholic who throws fits when he won&#x27;t buy her something. He changed himself completely to suit her, he is in debt $22k because of her, he hid the marriage from his family, and everything thinks he&#x27;s being scammed and he insists she&#x27;s real. Is she a gold digger?**</div>
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+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2015-09-27</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3mkrb6/me_27_m_and_my_exgirlfriend_21_f_are_good_friends/" target="_blank" class="title">Me [27 M] and my ex-girlfriend [21 F] are good friends now and I need your help to help her.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">So I&#x27;d like to preface this that I don&#x27;t intend this to be long, but it may be, but if you could stick it out and offer any words of advice, I thank you up front from the bottom of my heart.
+
+I have to generalize some things because she browses Reddit, not sure where, I just know she&#x27;s on here all the time.
+
+History:
+
+I met this girl around two years ago now and we&#x27;ve been casual friends for a long time. We connected on almost every level you could possibly imagine, it was storybook.
+
+A few months ago, I broke down and told her I was in love with her. She reciprocated my feelings and we started to date. At this point I know a fair deal about her. We had talked really openly about nearly everything and I know she had got out of a bad relationship a year prior. I notice one day she had re-friended him on Facebook and I asked her about it and apparently, two weeks before I confessed to her, they had met up and talked. Oh, well. I respond with, &quot;Do you think it&#x27;s really a good idea to be in contact with him?&quot; and she agrees and deletes him. Red flag, right? Let&#x27;s continue with more history.
+
+Now this may seem like a sidetrack, but it all wraps together, I promise. The relationship she had was the &#x27;first love&#x27; type of relationship since she was pretty young and they were together for about four years. During that time, they broke up quite a few times, he cheated on her, hung out at her job to make sure she wasn&#x27;t talking to other men, called her names and other forms of mental abuse. You know that kind of person, so I&#x27;ll refrain on elaborating on the other bull shit he put her through.
+
+So a year goes by and I eventually confess to her. She tells me she&#x27;s not used to being with someone like me, that I&#x27;m sweet, sensitive, can hold intelligent conversation and I can tell by the way her eyes light up: she&#x27;s in love too.
+
+We plan an extended four day weekend with a bunch of cool stuff to do. We talk and laugh and have a good time, but then on the third day I notice an immediate and sudden change in her demeanor. I try to ask her what&#x27;s up and she tells me she needs some space, so we just relax on opposite sides of the bed, go to the beach and sort of tone it down a bit. I&#x27;m not the kind of person to sleep on bad feelings, so before bed I say, &quot;Person, I just want you to know that if something is bothering, you can tell me about it.&quot;
+
+She breaks down. She starts by telling me that she doesn&#x27;t see herself with me in five years and that we should stop while we&#x27;re ahead. I&#x27;m obviously a little shocked, there had been no indication of anything like this. Completely out of the blue. She had been loving, affectionate and telling me all sorts of positive things: I&#x27;m just blown away. We talk about it it a little bit but ultimately she is like, &quot;I need time to process this.&quot; So we finish the last day and a half watching movies and talking before I take her home. I tried not too, but I think she noticed I was crying outside smoking. I was pretty emotional after a few hours had passed and the shock had worn off. She showed no visible signs of emotion, a complete blank slate.
+
+A few days pass after we separate and things go back to normal on the outside. Inside I&#x27;m an emotional train wreck, outside I&#x27;m the normal me because she&#x27;s an incredibly precious friend to me. I&#x27;m an introvert who rarely connects with anyone and the idea of losing her as a friend terrifies me more than the idea of not being in a relationship. I have trouble letting unanswered questions go and she finally decides to open up to me a little bit - and here is the tie in.
+
+Apparently she had been struggling with her ex-boyfriend (not a surprise to you reading this, I&#x27;m sure) - he was still trying to make contact with her and being manipulative and she was having thoughts like &quot;maybe it will be different this time&quot; and she started obsessively checking his social media statuses while we were going out. She then decided to push me away and engage in this passive back and forth with him on Twitter. I tell her that, &quot;I have feelings and I hurt, you know? However you&#x27;re my best friend, _____, and I will always be there for you.&quot; She accepts the idea and opens up to me a little more, telling me she&#x27;s always internalized things and never talks about her problems and it feels good to talk to someone who understands her. I tell her, well, that&#x27;s what friends are for right?
+
+Fast forward to this week. I&#x27;m on a short coffee meet up/date with a girl and she texts me about having a really bad nightmare. I don&#x27;t make up an excuse, I just say I have to deal with something and I leave. I call her and she is in shambles. The details are unimportant, but needless to say she had a very terrible series of nightmares and she never remembers her dreams like this. We talk for a long time but I eventually have to go to class. She sounds better and we were laughing and I tell her I&#x27;ll check on her later.
+
+The next morning (yesterday morning), she texts me again and says it happened again. A small tl;dr about myself: I&#x27;ve done a lot of work on myself spiritually and I&#x27;m really good at talking with people. So she really starts to open up about some stuff and eventually we arrive at the social media thing again. She&#x27;s obsessively monitoring his Twitter statuses and the night before, intentionally took some action that would make him know she was still &#x27;paying attention&#x27; and he responded to her (dating someone, btw) - and their little passive dance began. We talk for a long time and I basically boil it down to this: &quot;You&#x27;ve done this before, this road leads to pain and despair. It will not be different.&quot; She tells me she knows, but feels like she can&#x27;t control herself. I&#x27;ll leave out the back and forth, but yesterday basically reduces to me calling her at 2am again because she&#x27;s a wreck. They&#x27;re essentially doing a back and forth on Twitter and he&#x27;s saying hurtful shit and she&#x27;s basically like &quot;I was never good enough blah blah&quot; and &quot;I&#x27;m so sorry I didn&#x27;t treasure you&quot; - he completely flipped the table on her and she&#x27;s slowly falling for the trap. The impulse is so strong that even while we&#x27;re conversing for three hours she can&#x27;t stop herself from replying to him or quoting song lyrics relevant to their past. We end the phone call and the last thing I say is, &quot;Remember you have a choice, ______. You know what the wrong choice is, so don&#x27;t react - respond. Call me if you need me.&quot;
+
+She doesn&#x27;t call and I fall asleep. I have a terrible nightmare.
+
+I wake up this morning after sleeping for two hours and I go about my morning routine. I sit down with my espresso and check her Twitter and the last thing she had posted was, &quot;You&#x27;re the one I need.&quot;
+
+My espresso is still sitting there untouched. I was hit with a wave of emotion and it&#x27;s feeling worse by the moment. I can barely keep my thoughts together, but what does this have to do with me, you say? Maybe nothing.. this is why I need your help. My thoughts right now, possibly not rational because I&#x27;m in tears:
+
+Not only did I fail her in a relationship.. I can&#x27;t even fucking save her from the pain and abuse I know she&#x27;s walking back into. What kind of fuck up am I that I can&#x27;t even help a friend? I care really deeply about her, I think that much is obvious. I don&#x27;t care if she doesn&#x27;t love me, like me, or whatever you will. I just value her as a person and a friend and I want her to be happy, but she and I both know after talking last night, that if she walks down this road it&#x27;s going to not only make her unhappy, but be far, far worse then the last time.
+
+I just don&#x27;t know what to do. Failing once I can deal with, such is life, right? Failing a second time in a way that is more important to me is unbearable. Maybe it&#x27;s really none of my business and I should get on with my life. Maybe my emotions are mixed up inside or I&#x27;m dealing with two things simultaneously and I&#x27;m just confused. Maybe I should stop speculating and see if someone else has some words of wisdom.
+
+Thanks.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+**tl;dr**: Briefly dated a girl, failed. We stayed friends and I am failing at that too. </div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
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+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2015-07-11</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3cyfqc/my_23f_ex_26m_dumped_me_then_tried_dating_his/" target="_blank" class="title">My [23F] ex [26M] dumped me, then tried dating his so-called &quot;best friend&quot; [20sF]. He says he doesn&#x27;t want me again, but he keeps dropping breadcrumbs. Why?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hey, Reddit. Wall of text, but maybe it&#x27;s worth the read. This is a post-breakup situation, and I&#x27;m not sure what my ex wants from me or how to respond to him.
+
+I [23F] dated my ex, Ben [26M] for several months. We met at an event while I attended college in another city. We hit it off very well from the first meeting, sharing common interests and a sense of humor; we kept in touch constantly. He was a smart guy with a stable career and a fun personality. We went out and did a lot of things together, and he said later that being with me was like an adventure. We had similar tastes in media, food, and hobbies, and we could try new things together and always have a good time. He mused that I was the perfect counter and balance to him; I was everything he said he wanted and needed. He was completely enamored with me, rushing our relationship to &quot;lock me down&quot; and telling me he loved me in an embarrassingly short time. He said he knew I&#x27;d turn out to be the &quot;love of his life&quot; (he&#x27;s had serious relationships before, but not recently) and that I was his dream girl. I found the early doting odd at the time, and even questioned him a little, but our commitment to each other grew. I met his family, and he genuinely seemed to like me very much and saw a potential future for us.
+
+For context, there were a few questionable details about him. He acted like he was very social and popular, but he had very few friends he saw on a routine basis. When he took me to his usual haunts, I could tell none of the regulars or employees really seemed happy to see him; he was oblivious to this, so I didn&#x27;t point it out. Most of his interests didn&#x27;t seem very well-developed, and outside of what we had in common, he didn&#x27;t ask me about mine. In fact, we hardly had any deep conversations at all. He liked to live in the moment, sometimes to the point of recklessness (impulse shopping for things he didn&#x27;t need, got speeding tickets every so often, once drank until he blacked out). He also had this odd trait of making fun of nice people--including friends--for random little details like their weight or for being less cool than him, for no apparent reason. But through it all, he was very sweet and affectionate--at least in the beginning.
+
+I was led to believe it was meant to be, despite many red flags in our relationship; multiple people suggested I was &quot;dating down&quot; with him, while others were completely charmed by him. Obviously, it was not meant to be: thanks especially to his &quot;best friend&quot; of a few years and our biggest problem, Carla [20s F].
+
+Ben let me know early on that &quot;something happened&quot; in recent months that caused him to change in his relationships with people, and that he did not want to tell me until I knew him better. I got him to confess eventually: his (intentional, non-committal) manipulating and fooling around with different people, a game to him at the time, wound up including Carla--and the resulting sexual encounter caused him to question whether or not they should date. According to him, they decided not to &quot;risk the friendship&quot; and remained friends, admitting there was no point in forcing feelings that weren&#x27;t already there. I knew I wasn&#x27;t given the full story, but apparently they had been fairly platonic friends up until then: he was single the whole time he knew her, and she was also frequently single, but they never pursued anything. He claimed it&#x27;s normal to eventually wonder whether you and a friend should date, but I personally didn&#x27;t consider attraction to be something you had to think that hard about. FWIW: This all happened before he met me. They continued to date separate people. The way he described it, he shuddered and told me she was like a sister to him.
+
+Along comes me, and he&#x27;s crazy about me....he didn&#x27;t have to think twice about liking me. He was eager to introduce me to all his friends, including Carla. While none of his behaviors with her seemed overtly romantic like he was with me, it was clear that Carla meant a lot to him; I wasn&#x27;t sure why, as they seemed to have little in common outside of getting together to get drunk and vent about life.
+
+After Carla and her boyfriend broke up, she clung to Ben for support because he&#x27;s basically her only friend. I grew uncomfortable with how close their &quot;friendship&quot; was. The biggest issue was how they would talk about *everything* together, yet he would not open up to me....but there were other issues besides this. One of my favorites is how he does certain favors for her: &quot;she can&#x27;t afford&quot; something, for example, but she wears expensive clothes. Sometimes he&#x27;d neglect me to text with her or spend time with her, even when I came to visit. I pleaded with Ben to tone it down a little. Beyond telling her to message him less often while he was with me--which he resented--he refused. He grew very impatient with me when I asked for more details about their history; I just wanted to understand it better, but he viewed me as paranoid and unsupportive of his friendships. He begged me to drop the topic. It&#x27;s not that I brought her up on a daily basis, but I kept returning to it because something just *felt* wrong. Why become defensive over an innocent friendship? Why make your history a secret from the beginning? He insisted I needed to trust him, I had &quot;nothing to be jealous of,&quot; and that &quot;me and Carla? It&#x27;s not going to happen.&quot;
+
+Eventually, in an attempt to put my foot down and ask for a more honest and meaningful commitment from him, I tried to confront the state of their friendship going forward. I linked him to [this thread](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/rzon6/gf_gave_me_an_ultimatum_concerning_my_best_friend/) once and told him I wasn&#x27;t giving an ultimatum, but just wanted to point out a similar situation. He brushed it off and said it wasn&#x27;t the same, as she wasn&#x27;t trying to get in our way. &quot;She encourages me to spend more time with you!&quot; But finally, I tried to let it go. He got disastrously upset during that fight (&quot;This is how we are with each other, and you should tell me now if you&#x27;re not okay with it&quot;), and I stupidly agreed to be the cool girlfriend just so he&#x27;d be happy. He was adamant that they had each other&#x27;s backs and looked out for each other&#x27;s best interests; this is when he revealed that he had a history of depressive episodes that no one else knew about but her, and she helped him through them--and he did the same for her. He warned me that &quot;best friends can have a lot of influence on someone. You want her to like you.&quot; I made a point not to question their friendship anymore, though I felt very hurt that he basically threatened to dump me over it.
+
+The next few weeks after that were rocky, where he was very passive-aggressive on the daily and stayed out all night, twice, just to get space from me--when I&#x27;d gone there to be with him. He&#x27;d tell me, &quot;You&#x27;re needy, but I still love you&quot; and asked if I faked being happy with him, and I thought I was going insane: I wasn&#x27;t doing anything out of the ordinary. After avoiding me another night I was with him, he came back from work the next day and announced that his &quot;feelings weren&#x27;t there anymore&quot; and dumped me in a very inconsiderate way I won&#x27;t detail here, with not a hint of guilt or awareness that he was breaking my heart. (No, he didn&#x27;t cheat.) In fact, he smiled and said, &quot;I still consider you my friend, like [names of his admitted second-tier, non-Carla friends: yes, he put all of us in a mental rank below hers]. Keep in touch! Just don&#x27;t flirt with me or anything!&quot; If I had grinned and told him I was happy to be friends, it would not have occurred to him that anything about that whole scenario was bizarre.
+
+Ben said he&#x27;d been experiencing doubts prior to the fight (I&#x27;d had no idea because he acted affectionate as usual), but he never brought them up or tried to work on them with me; he thought communicating all your problems with your partner was a bad thing because it causes unnecessary tension. He thinks you should get over it internally or talk to an outside friend about it--unless the problem finally becomes big enough for you to bring it up. (A lot of good that did. He also once bragged to me that he used to give advice to people in this subreddit...) He later expressed that I was &quot;perfect to him in every way,&quot; he felt too much pressure to be the perfect guy, and my misgivings with his various issues constantly made him doubt himself. I think the fight about her just drove the nail in the coffin. That&#x27;s my best guess, as &quot;I don&#x27;t know&quot; was the actual reason he gave me for losing his feelings. In frustration over this I said, &quot;You&#x27;ll probably wind up with Carla,&quot; because if his *dream girl* wasn&#x27;t good enough for him, who else would be?
+
+**Post-breakup**
+
+Well.....Ben soon reconsidered his decision to dump me, but I wouldn&#x27;t take him back so easily. Given how he&#x27;d treated me (those last few weeks and the breakup, and it never registered with him that he hurt my feelings), coupled with his history of depression, I suggested he had personal issues and to seek therapy to fix himself. I guess he didn&#x27;t like that answer, so he and Carla went on a small trip to &quot;clear his mind.&quot;
+
+Taadaa--they drunkenly hooked up, and Carla revealed she had feelings for him. Since Ben had been turning to her for relationship advice the entire time, he realized she probably helped orchestrate our breakup. He got mad at her and confessed to me what he did--after I asked--that I was right, and how he was wrong to trust her. (&quot;We were drunk. I was stupid and single. When have I ever made a smart decision on my own?&quot;) He still seemed to resent me for not &quot;accepting&quot; him and expecting too much from him. He suffered panic attacks and told me he didn&#x27;t know who to trust anymore, and that he wasn&#x27;t looking to get involved in a relationship again; he just needed a *real friend.*
+
+I had trouble trusting his honor by this point, and I accused him of never being honest with me about her. He responded,
+
+&gt;I never said I wanted to be with her. Now you&#x27;re just filling in the blanks. Just because you&#x27;re right about some things doesn&#x27;t mean you&#x27;re right about everything. Unless you&#x27;re right about that too, and I don&#x27;t realize it. I don&#x27;t even know anymore.
+
+(Remember this.)
+
+I told him off in a letter for being a selfish and inconsiderate person. I can tell he read it carefully; bemoaned his regret at giving up &quot;the perfect girl,&quot; and he ruminated on how I was &quot;out of his league&quot; and that I deserved better. He sounded truly sad that maybe he hadn&#x27;t really changed from how he used to be. It was the most human he sounded in a while, so I offered to meet up and discuss it in person. He said he wasn&#x27;t ready to meet, as &quot;right now he&#x27;d blindly rush back into the idea of us together&quot;--but he needed to &quot;work on himself&quot; to become that man I deserved, &quot;so that&#x27;s why it can&#x27;t be now.&quot; So he asked for a few weeks. I said all right, and suggested we go mostly no-contact to collect our thoughts.
+
+I got a few breadcrumbs from him in the beginning, basically saying how he didn&#x27;t like being no-contact, then didn&#x27;t hear from him for two weeks. I wondered whether we would meet at all, until I heard from him: he decided to seek therapy. I applauded his decision and asked him why. That&#x27;s another mistake I made.
+
+Ben admitted, &quot;Yes, Carla and I made up with each other and tried to start dating. You were right that would happen.&quot; Yes. I know not a single one of you is surprised.
+
+I wasn&#x27;t given too many details, or even what spurred him to make this decision after he had just been romanticizing me and promising to meet with me......unless he&#x27;s a liar too. According to him, he noticed how &quot;toxic&quot; her drinking was (she&#x27;s a severe alcoholic--apparently he couldn&#x27;t tell in all the time he knew her?), she snuck around him to drink even more, and then she threatened to commit suicide. I guess his commitment-phobic self couldn&#x27;t handle this either, so after a week or two of &quot;dating,&quot; they broke up and got her to seek therapy (the irony stings). He told me he&#x27;s &quot;relieved he doesn&#x27;t have to babysit her anymore and can finally focus on himself.&quot; Funny, you&#x27;d think his decision to date her was the relief that he could finally bang the BFF who sabotages his relationships. (&quot;She&#x27;s not really friends with other girls,&quot; he once happily told me, &quot;because she says they&#x27;re too much drama.&quot;)
+
+Well, I guess he got what he wanted all along. I accused him of leading me on, and called him a liar. He said, &quot;OP, I didn&#x27;t even know until you pointed it out to me.&quot; (Flip back to the quote I told you to remember.) HUH? So Ben didn&#x27;t &quot;know&quot; he had feelings for her until I suggested it? He acted completely serious, and I could tell he viewed her as his trustworthy friend, not his love interest, right after we broke up; so I asked what made her appealing all of a sudden. He said that they were comfortable together, and basically that he didn&#x27;t feel the pressure to open up/be the perfect boyfriend he felt from me. Why the hell did he contact me about the rise and fall of this damned relationship? He said he felt he owed me my &quot;told you so&quot; and his honesty. He&#x27;s the one who dumped me--I don&#x27;t know why he felt he owed me anything at all.
+
+**The present day**
+
+After putting me through hell over questioning the two of them, the betrayal was too much. I&#x27;ve hardly spoken to him since. I blocked him on social media. He seems to have come crawling back now, regretting his decision since he &quot;screwed up a good thing, twice even, and I know I&#x27;m never going to get it back.&quot; No kidding, Ben, you did not know how to appreciate your girlfriend while you had her. He told me he wants to &quot;make things right&quot; with me, whatever the hell that means.
+
+He absolutely disgusts me now, especially in light of his other negative qualities. But he tells me he&#x27;s *sooooo lost* and *needs my help* to confront his inner coward. (He clarified again that he doesn&#x27;t want to be involved with anyone.....like he claimed before dating Carla. So why won&#x27;t he leave me alone?) He acts like he has no idea what compels him to make all his impulsive decisions. Like my take on this whole mess, which summarizes everything that&#x27;s happened over the course of one month:
+
+&gt;I love you! Wait not anymore, we&#x27;re over. Well, now I&#x27;m not sure. Oh look, Carla! Nooo, Carla and I aren&#x27;t friends now. I want to be a better man for you OP! Hold on, I just realized......I love Carla! Wait, no I don&#x27;t. OP, I regret everything.
+
+Right before the offer of meeting up, he asked for my help. I tried to explain to him in that letter why certain things go wrong in his life, and how he could become a better person.....but we see now what he did with that advice. Excuse me, I meant to say *whom* he did.
+
+Since he still wants no relationship, I don&#x27;t know what he wants from me or why he stays in touch. He still hasn&#x27;t apologized for hurting my feelings, as if he completely lacks empathy. He&#x27;ll just word it like, &quot;What I did was unfair to you,&quot; and that&#x27;s basically his apology. No &quot;I&#x27;m so sorry for everything, OP&quot; or &quot;I&#x27;m sorry for everything I put you through.&quot; In fact, not a single question about how my life is going in all this time he hasn&#x27;t seen me. He&#x27;s remained friends with his other exes, and I think it drives him insane that one is angry at him and doesn&#x27;t want to be one of his collectible friends--especially the &quot;perfect&quot; one. I think he wants me to absolve his guilt, and to feel better about having a backup friend to Carla in his pocket. Why do I say this? They&#x27;re each other&#x27;s only close friends, and probably the only ones reassuring the other that they&#x27;re awesome. When they&#x27;re mad at each other, they seemingly have no one else to talk to.
+
+Truthfully, I think the two of them rely on their friendship as a crutch for their self-esteem, because they&#x27;d probably do something drastic without each other&#x27;s support. Ben once told me that Carla is an &quot;anchor&quot; through his dark spells, and they help each other through them. I think they genuinely hate their lives and hate themselves, and they know it. This is all speculation on my part. I wanted to be there for Ben, but I&#x27;ve been pushed away every time I told the truth. He plays the part of the victim and begs for pity, but he gives me less reason to feel sorry for him with every shitty thing he turns around and does.
+
+Aside from all the obvious problems, I still wonder.....if Carla was just his rebound, or he had unanswered questions about the two of them together.....whether the issue is finally settled. Like I said before, I thought it&#x27;d be pretty obvious which people you want or don&#x27;t want to date. He didn&#x27;t have to question his attraction to me. If he had to be that curious to try with her, then it was going to remain a problem even if we hadn&#x27;t broken up. Well, he&#x27;s found out that the grass wasn&#x27;t greener on her turf, and now he wants to &quot;make things right&quot; with me. He last left me with a message asking how he should do that, and he needs my help. I&#x27;m not sure I can trust him this time, romantically or even friend-wise. I don&#x27;t know if he hopes I&#x27;ll take him back, or if he just wants another friend, or if he wants me to be his therapist so he doesn&#x27;t have to make the effort to find one. He seems remarkably good at lying to himself, and as history shows, his reasoning never seems consistent. I strongly suspect he has a personality disorder, and deep down, I think he knows what he&#x27;s like and wishes he was a better person. What should I do?
+
+**TL;DR** My ex dumped me because my standards were too high, from how he&#x27;s described it. He tried dating his &quot;best friend,&quot; whom he gave me hell for worrying he&#x27;d run off to, because she&#x27;s the opposite of me and accepts him. It didn&#x27;t work out, and he knows he ruined things with me. He keeps contacting me, asking how to make things right, but his intentions are unclear. What do I do?</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2015-01-28</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2ty2sh/my_23f_boyfriend_26m_of_4_months_finally_broke/" target="_blank" class="title">My [23F] boyfriend [26M] of 4 months finally broke things off in a codependent friendship with his best friend [early 20&#x27;sF] of 3 years.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Okay, Reddit, I could use your advice on this one. Names will be changed to protect the innocent. I&#x27;m really sorry about how long this is.
+
+I met Mark on OKCupid and we hit it off really well, stayed up very late talking and arranged to meet the next day for a date, which went smashingly. It ended with pajamas and podcasts and cuddles, and we spent a lot of time talking after online--he&#x27;s a graduate student, so we&#x27;re only able to meet approximately weekly, sometimes less, partially because his schedule and the bus schedule don&#x27;t match well. This is fine with me!
+
+Now, I work in the sex industry doing modeling and camming, and when/how to reveal that was something kind of daunting to tackle. I had recently broke off a relationship that had not yet progressed beyond casual dating because that guy had taken very, very, poorly to my work and kept pressuring me to work in another industry. Mark was very relaxed about it, and told me that it didn&#x27;t bother him and that he had a good time. I emphasized privacy on this issue--most people I know think I work at a company owned by one of my friends, and this is due to a combination of both concern about social stigma and also for my own safety, because stalking does happen. This will come into it later.
+
+Two days after our first date, he messaged me expressing frustration that Dana, his best friend, was having a breakdown. He said she often does this over the fact that she is overworked and underpaid in a retail job--you know how it goes. But apparently this time she was frustrated with him and throwing out accusations that he was talking with her less because  he had begun to see me. He told me that this was true, but he said that it was kind of a relief to engage with someone who isn&#x27;t always miserable and complaining and going to him over and over with the same problems.
+
+This raised a LOT of red flags for me. He even admitted to me that part of why he was single for so long before I showed up (since 2009) was because he didn&#x27;t think she would take him dating someone well. I told him that this was a red flag for me, because to me it seemed that either he had taken our first date WAY too seriously, or their relationship was a bundle of drama that I didn&#x27;t want in my life--either way, it was bad news bears. He elaborated more on their relationship--they had been friends, and she had pursued him, but he rejected her. They then lived together with another housemate and began to have sex regularly. He talked about how she goes to him for everything and it drains him to the point that he resents her, but how he promised her he would never leave so he has to stay to help her with her problems. Very early on, their relationship was good, and he seems to think if he just tries hard enough on his own that it will go back to how it was before it got weird.
+
+He was pretty receptive when I told him it was a red flag. He admitted he&#x27;s known for a long time that it&#x27;s not healthy and a lot of his other friends had told him that was the case, and added that he would make sure to have healthy boundaries in his relationship with her, partly because he wanted to see how things panned out with me and partly because it was a thing he said he knew he should address for his own mental health, especially because balancing grad school and Dana was a lot for him. I was satisfied with this and decided to not pry or bring it up unless it seemed to continue being worrisome.
+
+A few weeks later (in mid-October) he mentioned we couldn&#x27;t spend time together that weekend because he was going to see &quot;some friends&quot; in the town he did his undergrad in. Much later, when he was there, he admitted he was with Dana. I didn&#x27;t mind much that he hadn&#x27;t told me it was with her or find it shifty--the conversation we had about it being a red flag was a very hard one, and we put an embargo on hard talks for a little while after, even, to give time to recover. That same weekend, I had a very, very bad fight with my parents about some personal issues that had occurred over the summer, and since I&#x27;m prone to pretty big feelings, I had a big breakdown while he was gone. I dealt with it by writing at length and talking to some other friends, and it was no problem. The next day, when he was home, I admitted that my weekend had been rough, and not to worry about it or anything and that I was dealing okay, and he asked if I wanted to call him.
+
+Apparently, I learned later, everything had been fine--she hadn&#x27;t been jealous about me when he tried to gauge things by bringing me up (which, I admit, seemed a little like jumping the gun since we had only been dating a couple reasons, but I could understand why). But apparently, once I called, she grew very upset, left his place, came back and had a breakdown about how he&#x27;s “an integral part of her” and how much she loves him. He rejected her and said if that was the case, she needed to get over him and they couldn&#x27;t talk. We spent the evening chatting online about his mixed feelings over it of relief and sadness, and also discussed codependency. He agreed it fit them to a T and that he was going to give her space to get over him. I&#x27;ll admit, I was pretty pleased--his constant frustration with her was kind of a constant, and tended to dominate the topic of conversation. I was really looking forward to getting to know the parts of Mark that weren&#x27;t wrapped up in her drama.
+
+Things started to go very well, and in late November, almost two months after we started dating, we agreed to be in a relationship. It felt a little early for me, but I get that the label is really important to some people, and I didn&#x27;t see any reason not to, since I had to admit to myself I was really happy. He spent Thanksgiving with some of his friends and dodged the question as to who, but I felt it was too early to meet my (very intense) family, so I wasn&#x27;t going to give him a hard time about who he was with. It set off alarm bells, but I managed to shove that aside because as far as I knew, Dana was out of the picture.
+
+In December he admitted to me that their break had only lasted for about a week, by calling me to ask questions about something related to forms her therapist wanted her friends to fill out and whether or not therapists normally do this. I was very, very mad, and had been planning to go out with friends that night, but texted him a great deal while waiting to meet him. I asked him what had changed in their relationship and he told me she was seeing a therapist, and got defensive and upset when I pointed out that the therapist isn&#x27;t a part of their relationship. He said that now he turns off Facebook messenger for her when it gets to be too much and ignores her protestations. I tried to explain that he can&#x27;t fix it himself if she&#x27;s not on board, and he said he would talk to her about having better boundaries. They did talk, and it went poorly, with her being upset and insisting that there was no problem, but finally acquiescing when he said it would help their relationship.
+
+After that point, I tried a few times to bring up the topic and ask how things were going. He would get very angry and defensive every time, which lead to the only fights we&#x27;ve had with each other. He was adamant that their relationship was healthy, and I said that keeping her a secret was like a recovering alcoholic drinking in secret or something, and maybe going out to the pub is no big deal but it is when it&#x27;s a mental health issue. We talked a lot about codependency. Things were very tense.
+
+I met her in mid-December when he spent his birthday in the hospital because of a genetic health issue. We wandered the hospital for ~45 minutes after visiting hours because we got very lost and couldn&#x27;t find a soul in the building to ask directions, just making lighthearted conversation. She was a fun and sweet person, and I can see why he really wants a normal friendship with her. She was also very clearly not very mature, which made a lot of her blatant manipulation tactics seem less malicious, although that doesn&#x27;t excuse it.
+
+It was weird seeing them together, though. She was kind of domineering, and at one point she bragged that the longest they&#x27;ve gone without talking in three years was a week. I don&#x27;t think that in itself is unusual, but I think acting like it&#x27;s something work bragging about is kind of strange. she also let it slip that she knew I was a sex worker, despite my request that if Mark ever did fuck up and tell someone, that he NEVER tell her because she is volatile and unstable and pretty manipulative. I was distraught, and gave Mark a chance to tell me, even asking him if any of his friends had asked about what I do. This was after he was out of the hospital, in late December. He told me they hadn&#x27;t and I called him a liar, but he insisted. I finally told him that I knew, and that I was hurt that he lied to my face. He broke down crying.
+
+He promised me he would stop talking to her after a joint birthday party they had planned in January, but apparently the confrontation and break happened before he went to see his family for the holidays. I suspect he was also going to go see her or something, but that&#x27;s just speculation. He has gone on No Contact with her for as far as I know ever since, though if the topic comes up he emphasizes how he wants to get better and stop being codepedent so they can be friends again.
+
+So, here&#x27;s the thing, Reddit: I am not jealous about sexual dalliances, so it&#x27;s not that I think he&#x27;s banging her. It&#x27;s not that she&#x27;s a girl, either, because he has other close friends who are women. But it&#x27;s hung over most of our relationship, and honestly, I think I would never have gotten into a relationship with him to begin with if I had actually known she was in the picture. His effort does seem to be in good faith NOW, but. It&#x27;s hard for me to let go, as much as I have mentally forgiven him. I&#x27;ve spent this whole relationship feeling like a sounding board.
+
+I&#x27;m trying to tough it out and things are admittedly really enjoyable. I&#x27;m really happy with him. But I feel like the fact that he wants to resume contact with her again in the future when he&#x27;s decided he&#x27;s &quot;better&quot; is just too much for me. It fills me with dread because I don&#x27;t want to go back to how things were. I do believe that this could be overcome and they could have a healthy friendship if she were willing to confront it too, but she&#x27;s not and he seems to think he can make it work by himself. I have been avoiding things like his interest in meeting my family because I think it&#x27;s unlikely we&#x27;ll stay together long-term.
+
+I try really hard to be rational, and I am against ultimatums. But I feel like this is a dealbreaker for me. Should I tell him that if she comes back into the picture, I won&#x27;t be? I don&#x27;t want it to seem like a threat but I feel like vanishing without warning would be worse. Should I just cut and run? Am I handling this wrong? I am trying to give him space to deal with it and not micromanage his relationship with her--like, at one point he asked me what boundaries he should set and I told him it wouldn&#x27;t be appropriate for me to dictate that for him.
+
+I&#x27;m also concerned as to how the break between them would strain our relationship further. He told me that she has accused him several times of “taking [my] side” on this issue. She knows about my job and could use that to hurt me very, very deeply if she wanted to.
+
+I just... there isn&#x27;t really anything to NOT dread about all this, to tell the truth.
+
+Any advice would be helpful.
+---
+
+**TL;DR**: My boyfriend has been in a codependent relationship with his best friend for several years. He&#x27;s been really shady about this and usually keeps it a secret when he sees her. I don&#x27;t think they&#x27;ve been having sex or anything, but that&#x27;s still really weird. I&#x27;ve kind of taken the backseat while he deals with her shit. I don&#x27;t want to deal with her shit anymore. I&#x27;m not sure how to proceed.</div>
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+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2014-04-22</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/23n71z/i_m23_was_left_by_my_girlfriend_f19_of_a_year_for/" target="_blank" class="title">I (M/23) was left by my girlfriend (F/19) of a year for another guy. Need some support and insight, please.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">It&#x27;s actually been a month or two since this has happened and it&#x27;s all either blurry or melted down into some simpler feelings. At the time, it was bad. The only reason I&#x27;m posting is because I feel I should be over this by now. I&#x27;ve been left in the past by a different girl for the exact same reason and it only took about a month for me to entirely forget/be ok with what happened. This time, it&#x27;s pushing 2-3 months and I STILL cannot get this girl out of my head. What the hell is going on this time around?
+
+We dated for about a year. I actually left her twice because I was having issues with our relationship. She was a bit shady and hid things from me. Nothing terribly huge, but I figured, if enough tiny shit is being hidden, I&#x27;m sure some larger things are hidden as well. And I even got that vibe multiple times here and there. I&#x27;m still sure there was something going on between her and other guys but I never actually had proof. I was threatened because she was extremely attractive. I&#x27;m sure that&#x27;s what drove her away.
+
+Anyway, I&#x27;d leave her thinking I would be better off not always worried and she would be better off not having me hounding her about it. I was doing it for both of us. I figured it would be best for both of us. But a couple weeks would pass and I&#x27;d miss her incredibly and she felt the same way. She&#x27;d be texting me constantly trying to get back with me. So I would get back with her after a couple weeks. Then a month or two would have passed and I left again. Same reason. I didn&#x27;t feel secure in the relationship. Probably some personal issues. That can be addressed as well if anyone would like.
+
+Anyway, even after both times leaving, she wanted me back and would accept me instantly. But the last time we got back together, things were different. I could feel her slipping. She was distant. She wouldn&#x27;t admit it though. Finally she started saying how she doesn&#x27;t know if she loves me anymore. Wanted some space to think. Got her space. Came back to me and we mutually broke it off. I probably would have done it again anyway because I didn&#x27;t feel any love from her anymore and it was hurting me. On top of always thinking she was hiding shit. Not a good combo.
+
+When I tried to get back with her a few weeks later, she dropped the bomb that she was in a new relationship. My speculation now is, ahhh, now it&#x27;s all coming together. That&#x27;s why she was distant last time around. She met him months ago and was falling for him considering I wasn&#x27;t exactly presenting a secure relationship environment for her. But she wouldn&#x27;t admit to it. She didn&#x27;t want to hurt my feelings. She claimed he was just met not long after our split and they started dating. I don&#x27;t believe her. But that&#x27;s not my business anymore, is it?
+
+Our last talk (about a month ago) wasn&#x27;t good. I hung up on her because she wouldn&#x27;t give me definite answers. I asked if we could try again and she said she wasn&#x27;t sure. She said she needs time... while dating another guy. I wasn&#x27;t too thrilled. I&#x27;m not going to sit around on the back burner.  She said she doesn&#x27;t know if she loves me. Doesn&#x27;t know if we&#x27;ll work. Doesn&#x27;t know if we can try again. I asked for a yes or no. A no would have made it easier to leave, I feel. And a yes would obviously not lead me to being here right now asking for help. But she wouldn&#x27;t pick yes or no. She didn&#x27;t want to. So I hung up and haven&#x27;t looked back. But I feel this is all an issue of closure. I feel as though if we could try again, it would be different now considering the time I&#x27;ve had to think.
+
+So here&#x27;s why I&#x27;m posting. Are scenarios so uniquely different that I can forget a different girl of 3 years, a long time ago, in about a month and this time with this last girlfriend, we date 1 year and I can&#x27;t get her out of my head for 3 months? What the hell is so different this time? I&#x27;d like to think I was equally in love with both girls when I was left. What could be different? It feels like I&#x27;ll never get over her. Even meeting with new women hasn&#x27;t done the trick. I&#x27;ve met a few and dated and it didn&#x27;t work out. They would keep my mind off the ex for a few evenings, but the second I&#x27;m home alone, trying to sleep, I&#x27;m wide awake, thinking of this last girlfriend, upset. I suppose some relation from someone here and some insight would make me feel better. Or maybe some tips, maybe there is something I am not seeing that you all can from reading my post?
+
+TLDR Recent ex of a year has left me for another guy. Cannot get her out of my head even though I&#x27;ve been through relatively worse scenarios. What&#x27;s so special this time? What am I missing? How can I get this pain over with? Is this an issue of closure? I know that she&#x27;s head over heels for the new guy and I&#x27;m a fading thought. But if she loved me once, and she even couldn&#x27;t say no to me when asked if we could try again, how could it die so quickly and she move on? While here I sit, making a post on reddit... thanks in advance everyone.
+
+</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2014-04-18</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/23c9fy/me_26m_with_my_fiancee_29f_three_years_she_wants/" target="_blank" class="title">Me [26M] with my fiancee [29F] three years.. she wants to spend all our time together, I need my own time</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">As the title suggests, I have a fiancee who would like to spend 95% of her time with me. I, on the other hand, desire my own time to be by myself or with friends. I would say that I would like to spend 65~70% of my time with her.
+When I communicate my desire to her, she says I&#x27;m behaving selfishly, since relationships should by about us, and not just me. I tell her that maintaining my individuality is important to me (having my own friends, being able to hang out with them) and if I don&#x27;t get it I become resentful. Our conversations reach an impasse there.
+
+Now, I don&#x27;t think either one of us is necessarily &quot;correct&quot;, but I want to figure out how we can resolve this in such a way that we&#x27;re both happy. Let me offer some of my insight into why I think her and I feel the way we do.
+
+She&#x27;s from abroad and most of her friends/family is still abroad. She doesn&#x27;t have many friends here in the U.S. As such, I speculate that she might be expecting me to fill their shoes for her. A.k.a. she wants me to go shopping with her (something I consider girls do together), she wants to talk about drama, etc. She&#x27;s also told me that she believes couples should spend as much time together to strengthen the relationship.
+
+One reason for me needing my space is because hanging out with her is rather vanilla (having dinner together, talking about our days, going for walks), and I have a wild side to me. I need to do crazy shit like romping around on motorcycles in the morning with my buddies before work. Or going on epic hikes with buddies to bond. I don&#x27;t get the same sort of stimulation from hanging out with her. For some reason, if I bring her along on these crazy activities, it&#x27;s not the same. I can go more into this if desired.
+
+Another reason is that I&#x27;m kind of a loner normally, and I need my own time to recharge. I find it difficult to be with someone perpetually. The longer I don&#x27;t get this recharge time, the more desperately I need it.
+
+As such, I&#x27;m not sure what we can do to proceed with communication. I want us to both be happy, and would love to hear /r/relationships 2 cents on the issue. I&#x27;m not one to get hurt easily, so feel free give it to me straight and I&#x27;ll attempt to read it objectively.
+
+
+---
+**tl;dr**: Fiancee thinks a relationship means you&#x27;re two halves of a whole, whilst I think that it&#x27;s two wholes coming together. </div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2025-09-04</div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1n7ycyf/please_help_im_in_an_apartment_from_hell/" target="_blank" class="title">Please help I’m in an apartment from hell</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hi internet strangers ! I’ve never been on here before but I see posts all the time and I really need advice right now so help a girl out please and thanks. I don’t know the specific terms for here or anything so if I do say something stupid I apologize. This is going to be really long too so I’m sorry for that. So basically I’m a 19 year old college student and I just moved into a 2 bedroom apartment with three other roommates on August 1st. I was really excited to have my first place because I had to commute 3 hours on the bus every day to work in the summer. Plus it’s cool to be able to have my own space and everything obviously. Upon moving in, we noticed there were things that needed to be fixed like the shower door being off track. However we simply put in a maintenance request and didn’t stress because that’s to be expected when moving into a new place. However, the brand new refrigerator that my grandpa bought for us just wouldn’t work. We had groceries spoil and we noticed it wasn’t getting cold enough. We thought maybe somehow the fridge is just broken and we can replace it but then when we used our oven for the first time, it not only started smoking out of the front but also the back near the wiring. Obviously it freaked us out because girl what? I thought the whole thing was going to blow up and then there would’ve been no more me. Mind you I was just trying to make a pot pie which was probably my first mistake tbh. Anyway, we asked for maintenance and emailed our apartment a couple times and they dragged it and wouldn’t reply until maintenance finally came. So first, they spent two hours on an outlet and leave at 4:00 because that’s when they are off. However they spent all that time on the outlet only for it to still be having the same issue it was before. Super chill dudes and obviously they aren’t at fault for any of this. The next time, only one comes at first and says the oven probably did that because cleaning residue from their cleaning crew was burning. (Which confused me bc it was smoking from the wiring but hey I assumed im just ignorant). As for the fridge, he said we might have just had our food too close to the back of the freezer. I accepted this answer even thought I didn’t understand but then the other guy came two hours later and said that an outlet we have in the corner of the living room trips the wiring in the kitchen . So they both gave different reasonings. He then tells us we need an electrician and the wall needs to be opened up but the one they book wasn’t available until September 2nd so we had to wait. So for a month we haven’t been eating properly and we’re out $300 in spoiled groceries but we wait anyway. Then the electrician finally comes the other day and he tells us that outlet is fine and the guy basically didn’t know what he was talking about. The same maintenance guys show up and then start backtracking basically saying everything is fine to use. They go back to saying it was the cleaning residue and to replace the fridge because our wiring is fine aside from a few weird outlets. So we could’ve just replaced the fridge on week 1 instead of waiting around for an electrician who determined there was no problem after ten minutes. Secondly, we began to suspect we had a mold problem. In our metal shower door, under our towel rack, and on our toilet pipe there are black spots. Furthermore, the pipe is slightly detached from the wall that leaves an opening into our wall. That day we noticed there was a lot of moisture at the bottom of the wall despite nobody showering that day. The restroom is literally just a toilet and the shower. It’s like a shoe box and there’s no window or proper ventilation in there. However we can’t tell if it’s on the walls because we noticed when we moved here every part of our apartment is covered in thick new paint and it makes it hard for us to open our doors and everything. So today, we have the mold lady come to check and she tells us it’s “probably from condensation” and that we are fine. On top of all of this as well as the other small things that have been happening, there is a child in the complex whose safety we are concerned about and we don’t know what to do. The people in charge ignore us and generally don’t care about any of the issues we faced. I tried to show up to the office multiple times to discuss things because they don’t close till 4 but almost every single time, it’s always locked even during operating hours. I’ve gone through an unnecessary amount of money this month on top of just paying rent again because all of this. On top of that, after having nobody communicate with us for a month, the people they finally send literally said “I’ve worked here 6 years and never seen this. I believe you but I don’t know what to tell you I’m sorry.” Someone please give me advice because I feel like I’m going crazy and idk what to do! Also, if you know a community I could attach pictures of our suspected mold and other issues to try to get a confirmation, please let me know. Thanks Reddit! </div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/Advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-04-20</div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1c90666/my_exfriendcoworker_wont_leave_me_alone/" target="_blank" class="title">My exfriend/coworker won’t leave me alone?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">What to do about an ex-friend,
+
+Hey Reddit. Currently dealing with a weird situation. Long story short I (24F) work with an ex-friend of mine (23M) who has been acting very strange as of late. Let’s refer to him as Dennis. Long story short this ex-friend of mine has been speculated to have had feelings for hence why we are no longer friends since I’m already spoken for. It’s been since last year November that we haven’t spoken and lately he has been very adamant on trying to get my attention. Some examples like talking about things I like around me and also quite literally hovering. I’m all about being cordial but he has also been bothering my friend Cordelia who actually has straight up ignored him and walked away plenty of times. We are just confused into what to do about this. For anyone who knows about Zodiac signs he’s a Scorpio if that helps.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2018-07-03</div>
+                </div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/8vobfa/i_17f_think_im_falling_for_my_best_guy_friends/" target="_blank" class="title">I (17F) think I’m falling for my best guy friends (17M), who’s dating one of my close girl friends.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I’m sorry if the formatting of this is wrong, I’m on mobile / very inexperienced with Reddit.
+
+Alright. I’ve got the world’s most cliché problem right now. As a disclaimer, I don’t even know if I am for sure falling for him, but I definitely do have some weird feelings.
+
+Guy friend - Jake
+Girl friend - Alice
+My Ex boyfriend - Tom
+Jake’s 1st ‘gf’ - Jenny
+Jake’s 2nd gf - Rachel
+
+I met Jake last year in August when school started (I was a junior, he was a sophomore). It was in an elective class and I noticed he was good at what we were doing/had experience so I wanted to make friends with somebody who knew their stuff as I was just beginning. I also knew the other guy in the group so I just sort of announced I was joining them, to which they welcomed me pretty easily. Our shared passion is filmmaking.
+
+He was really quick to open up to me. He became a really close guy friend instantly and I enjoyed hanging out. I thought he was flirting with me at first but did not have feelings because we had just met nor was I interested because I had a boyfriend at the time. Turns out he was asking advice because he was pursuing this one girl Jenny. He’s sort of a hopeless romantic, and got his heart broken for a couple days after a month. Like he wanted to tell her he loved her after a week. They were never officially together.
+
+Fast forward a couple weeks and he’s pursuing another girl. This new girl Rachel was friends with Jenny (family friends not best friends). I was like wow because he rushed into it really quick. They lasted like a month, also, and he wasn’t really that sad when they broke up as much as Jenny from before (for some reason).
+
+Let’s get some background info on Alice now. We’ve always been in the same friend group, pretty good friends, hung out a few times. Nothing too special though.
+After my boyfriend  Tom and I broke up (which was very devastating for me. First love, really enjoyed him, lasted half a year, met the families etc. I loved to support him and I really thought he was my number one), two months or so go by when promposals start up (we have Junior and Senior prom here). There was speculation that Alice was going to go with my ex boyfriend Tom. I was really really hurt, obviously. She was my friend and this was my ex boyfriend who I still loved. The extent of it was Alice asking around if Tom and I were still together/going to prom together (we had gotten back together for a little so it got confusing). I took that the wrong way though, in my sad state of mind, and thought she was trying to get with Tom.
+
+Obviously, I ranted to Jake about this. Jake told me all the time how crappy Tom was and I told him how I felt betrayed that Alice would consider going to prom with Tom. Jake agreed and calmed me down. Jake told me if I didn’t have anyone to go to prom with that he’d go with me. (I ended up going with that other guy from our film group earlier on!! it was great)
+
+After Jake and Rachel broke up, he started seeing Alice and hanging with her, which was so weird to me. He admitted that they talked while he and Rachel were together but only started TALKING talking until after. I was confused because I honestly thought they didn’t really know each other.
+
+They started dating quickly after. Nobody expected them to be together just because they’re very opposite, and don’t necessarily seem like a good match.
+
+I told him how I felt weird about them because they were both my friends. I told him I couldn’t treat him the way I usually did because now that he had a girlfriend who I’m close with, it would probably make her jealous. And she wasn’t a fling like Rachel or Jenny.
+
+Jake used to rant to me about stupid things that made him jealous or mad that Alice did and one night I blew up on him because he was talking about having babies or some stuff with her. Keep in mind we’re in high school and he was literally ranting to me
+about stupid things she did. I ignored him for a week and we weren’t friends for that period of time because he thought I was calling their relationship un-genuine (sorry for that terrible adjective but that’s basically it). I was merely saying that he knew it would piss me off to bring up an issue about the fact that she wants kids and he doesn’t when they’d been together for two months, in high school, after ranting to me every time he was irritated with her. I told him how I thought it was dumb how he could be so sure about her after the last two girls.
+
+Other people noticed how we stopped being friends because it was quite common knowledge Jake and I are close. Someone asked Alice why Jake and I weren’t friends, and Alice said it’s because of her (totally wrong). Someone accused me of having feelings for him which is why I got so angry, but (at the time I guess) that’s not true. I just thought he was being unfair and annoying and hypocritical. Eventually I needed my friend back so we talked and made up. After this he hasn’t talked about their relationship in such detail, but he talks about stuff they’re up to like dates etc.
+
+We’re still closer than ever. We express our feelings about life/stresses about school and work. We rant about things like any normal friend does.
+
+But now I have become attached in a way that I always want to talk to him. A romantic way seems absolutely outrageous to me but I miss him when I don’t talk or see him. Today I discovered this when he walked into my workplace to say hello and I felt like my life finally came back to me or something. It was great seeing his face after being gone for a while (end of school and he was gone on vaca for a bit).
+
+I really don’t even know what to do. The wise choice would be distance myself to make sure I don’t cause conflict in his own relationship, but I can’t stomach the thought of distancing myself from my BEST guy friend. He’s been there for me when I’ve had trouble sleeping, we FaceTime when I’m bored, he helped me get through my horrible breakup and overall reminds me why I should keep ...existing, for lack of a better word.  He’s the first person I can rant to about ANYTHING without drama erupting. He’s one of the first people I tell my news to. When I need to get a secret off my chest, he’s there, with absolutely no judgements. He keeps me levelheaded and doesn’t just agree with me all the time but helps me through solutions and issues in logical ways.
+
+I feel disgusting.
+
+EDIT: Immediately after posting I realized I should probably include more detail. I still have also weird feelings for my ex Tom, as in I’d be hesitant to get back together but if we talked and figured shit out I would in a heartbeat. We have hooked up casually recently and probably will a couple times. Jake knows this. He essentially tells me I can do whatever I want, it’s my choice, but he thinks I get emotional and should stop getting mad when I see Tom have any interaction with anyone else that’s not me.
+
+TL;DR - I have some weird emotional attachment or feeling to my best guy friend, who’s dating one of my close girl friends &amp; is really happy, but I don’t want to. I need him in a way that would make most people suspicious but I don’t foresee any romantic relationship. </div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationships</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2013-08-01</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1jgpxe/im_a_19m_with_my_19f_gf_at_6_months_she_has_no/" target="_blank" class="title">I&#x27;m a [19M] with my [19F] GF at ~6 months. She has no friends, and depends solely on me and my friends for entertainment.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">This is a follow up to my earlier post
+
+http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1jbviz/i19m_am_in_a_6_month_relationship_with_my_19f_gf/
+
+Gave it some thinking. I am very willing to date this girl well into my next year of school. I like her a lot, and enjoy time spent with her. However, there is one dealbreaker issue I&#x27;ve been dealing with since the beginning.
+
+She has no friends.
+
+I could go on and speculate as to reasons why. It could be that girls just don&#x27;t like her because of her attitude. We&#x27;ve had tons of talks about &quot;if you don&#x27;t have anything nice to say, don&#x27;t say anything at all&quot; but it seems to do nothing but make her upset. It could be that she always appears to want to be the center of attention, and doesn&#x27;t care to be wherever she is if she can&#x27;t be. It could be that her spunky/childish actions just seem immature and obnoxious to onlookers (i find them cute).
+
+I don&#x27;t know why she doesn&#x27;t have friends. But since she doesn&#x27;t, I always feel like she makes me directly responsible for her boredom. When we are together and she wants to be hanging out with more people, it&#x27;s always my friends that it has to be. But if you read my other post you know a ton of my friends don&#x27;t exactly like her.
+
+I could be worrying about nothing. We start an entirely new semester of college next year. College is THE place to meet people. She could make more friends than me next year. This is just an issue I&#x27;d like some advice on.
+
+TLDR Girlfriend has no friends, depends on me and mine, causes trubs</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/TrueOffMyChest</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2022-12-07</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zf0wxa/my_fiancés_sister_told_me_shes_in_love_with_him/" target="_blank" class="title">My fiancé&#x27;s sister told me she&#x27;s in love with him</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years. He proposed last April and our wedding is planned for the same day this coming year. He is super close to all of his siblings (he has 4), but we have always been closest with his sister and her husband since we are the only couples in the family without any kids. She and I have always gotten along really well. We&#x27;re close in age and share a lot of the same interests. She&#x27;s always been so kind to me and has truly felt like the sister I never had.
+
+She&#x27;s been distant since we announced the engagement. I didn&#x27;t notice at first because we were so busy with everything. Now looking back at everything, that I can see when she first started distancing herself. But during the summer, she became more and more distant from us and the rest of the family. People were speculating it was her husband&#x27;s fault since it was so unlike her.
+
+I tried to stay out of it until she didn&#x27;t RSVP for the wedding. My fiancé was furious when the card came back saying she and her husband wouldn&#x27;t be there. I had to take his phone away from him because he was texting and calling her so much and threatening to go after her husband. I promised him I would go do a welfare check over the weekend.
+
+I went on Sunday morning because I knew her husband would be at church. She had gone with him, so I waited on the porch until they got back and then made up some excuse about things not going well with my fiancé to get him to leave us alone.
+
+Well it turns out I could&#x27;ve just asked him for some alone time, because he&#x27;s not abusive. He hasn&#x27;t been isolating her. In fact, he&#x27;s been worried sick thinking the family cut her off. He never saw the RSVP and didn&#x27;t know that she had sent it back. She told me she needed to distance herself and couldn&#x27;t tell him why, so she&#x27;d been lying instead.
+
+I told her how the family was worried sick about her and was blaming her husband for everything. I asked how she could ignore all those texts from my fiancé, and she said she hadn&#x27;t seen them yet. So I told her how he&#x27;d reacted and how hurt he was and how worried everyone had been and how I&#x27;d never seen him so angry before. And then she started crying and apologizing. She promised she was trying not to hurt my fiancé.
+
+She just kept saying that over and over again, and I&#x27;m not proud of it, but I lost my temper and yelled at her about how distancing herself from everyone was doing the opposite, and that if she couldn&#x27;t talk to me about it, then she should at least talk to someone in the family. And then she yelled &quot;How can I tell anyone I&#x27;m in love with him?&quot;
+
+It didn&#x27;t even register that she was talking about my fiancé. She kept going on and on about how ashamed she was and how it was a sin and how my fiancé would be disgusted and I just thought she&#x27;d cheated on her husband until she said she hadn&#x27;t thought of &quot;him&quot; as a brother in years and didn&#x27;t know what to do. She said that the engagement really solidified it for her, and that she loved how happy I make him and that she really wants to be there for him, but she thinks it&#x27;ll hurt too much to watch him get married, so she&#x27;d rather remove herself from the family instead.
+
+I told her I couldn&#x27;t listen to anymore of it and that I had to go. I couldn&#x27;t understand any of it. She was hysterical and I just felt numb. I went and sat in my car in a parking lot for a few hours just trying to wrap my head around everything. I texted her asking if anything had ever happened between them and she said no and asked me not to say anything. She promised she would tell her parents she was okay and just wanted space. But I HAVE to tell him. There is no way I can keep this from him. And it destroys me because I know it will break his heart.
+
+We have a couples counselor for pre-wedding stuff and I called her emergency phone number and explained everything and set up session for tomorrow. So I will tell him then. For now, he knows that she is &quot;okay&quot; and that I will explain what she told me in counseling on Thursday. But since I saw her, it&#x27;s been like an out of body experience. He&#x27;s clearly worried about the state of our relationship, but he hasn&#x27;t been pushing for anymore information. And I&#x27;ve just been so numb. I can&#x27;t even begin to imagine how this is going to affect him and his family. I think I should be disgusted or scared or sad or angry, but I&#x27;m just so, so numb. And I can&#x27;t talk to anyone else about this. I don&#x27;t know what to do.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/family</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2020-07-31</div>
+                </div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/family/comments/i1ggkt/my_22f_stepdad_49m_has_some_concerning_behavior/" target="_blank" class="title">My (22f) step-dad (~49m) has some concerning behavior that has me wondering about a history of sexual abuse in the family. Should I check in with my little brother (11m)?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hi, all! I&#x27;m new to this sub. TW child sexual abuse. Sorry for the length.
+
+BACKGROUND: When I was around 6, my parents divorced and my mom and I moved in with my current step-dad, Jacob (all names changed) and his son, Cedric. Cedric was 10 and regularly molested me in secret for many years whether I was asleep or awake and it only stopped once he moved to his bio mother&#x27;s house after my little brother was born (mom and Jacob had a kid together). I came forward about this when I was a pre-teen. There was a lot of drama. My mom was in denial and didn&#x27;t believe me and my step-dad was unreasonably angry with me/mom and protective of Cedric. Nothing really came of it, since they still keep his creepy ass around to avoid more drama.
+
+Cedric proceeded to molest another young female family member (my age) who lives in his bio mom&#x27;s house. This girl also came forward about this years ago and nothing happened. He&#x27;s \~26 now. I have no clue how many other girls he&#x27;s molested, but he&#x27;s still in the family and I avoid him as much as I can.
+
+My little brother (who is now 11) has been sheltered from all of this and doesn&#x27;t know any of the drama. As far as he knows, Cedric is just his cool gamer step-brother who plays games on the Switch with him when he visits.
+
+There are some things that make me nervous about Jacob:
+
+1. Jacob will STARE at me when I&#x27;m walking around the house. I&#x27;m quarantined with my mom, Jacob, and my little brother so there&#x27;s no avoiding that.  When I notice he&#x27;s staring at me I&#x27;ll make eye contact which causes him to look away. I notice he also stares at my little brother which makes me wonder if Jacob is just innocently zoning out and doesn&#x27;t realize that he&#x27;s staring.
+2. When I was younger, Jacob would give me hugs but his hands would stroke or graze my lower back in a way that wasn&#x27;t appropriate for a young girl. I brought this up with my mom who just said &quot;He&#x27;s not used to having a daughter, so he doesn&#x27;t realize it would make someone uncomfortable&quot;. He used to ask for hugs and poke fun at me that I would only give him side-hugs or try to hug him with as little contact as possible.
+3. Jacob used to regularly shower with and be naked while changing around my little brother until he was well past walking and talking on his own. Mom seemed fine with this. My bio dad raised me to be really independent and private, so I&#x27;m not sure if my mom and Jacob coddled my little brother or I&#x27;m projecting my past abuse onto a normal parental situation.
+4. When my mom asked Jacob if Cedric had ever been abused or molested as a kid, Jacob apparently freaked out on my mom and got very defensive. I wasn&#x27;t there to witness it-- my mom told me this so i don&#x27;t know to what extent he got defensive and if my mom accidentally said something inflammatory.
+5. Jacob grew up in an abusive environment where an adult authority figure would regularly molest a LOT of kids. I&#x27;m not sure if Jacob was ever abused himself but considering the things above, I think it&#x27;s worth noting.
+
+I&#x27;m worried that my little brother might have been the victim of something inappropriate. Where did Cedric learn his behavior? I know that abusers aren&#x27;t made out of nowhere and I can&#x27;t help but be extra vigilant with this crazy ass family.
+
+What I&#x27;m wondering is: should I have a one-on-one talk with my little brother? My mom? Am I crossing a line? And are my concerns even reasonable, or am I just being paranoid? I would be letting him know that if there was ever someone who was inappropriate with him, he could tell me.
+
+I know this is the job of the parents but the way my mom handled news of my abuse makes me want to give my brother a better, more welcoming space to speak up. I just want him to know I got his back. I would never bring up Jacob or Cedric or what happened to me because I&#x27;m just speculating and I wouldn&#x27;t want to damage my brother&#x27;s relationship with them.
+
+Little brother and I are close. We bond over video games and skateboarding, or I help him with his homework but we&#x27;re not &quot;emotionally&quot; close if that makes sense. He&#x27;s the type of kid who&#x27;s not very good at articulating his emotions and any attempt to have a serious conversation with him (like dealing with a classroom bully, etc.) makes him clearly uncomfortable or overwhelmed and he&#x27;ll make jokes or mentally shut off until the topic changes. This is with anybody, including me or my mom (he likes us both very much and is very comfortable with us). I don&#x27;t even know how I would have such a heavy talk with someone who doesn&#x27;t like to open up. I&#x27;m an adult and I can handle Jacob/Cedric being weird towards me now, but I&#x27;m extremely protective of my brother and I would do anything to make sure he has a safer and happier childhood than I did.
+
+Thanks for reading this far. I&#x27;ll be posting this to other subreddits too, just to see what others have to say.
+
+&amp;#x200B;
+
+TLDR: Step-dad and step-brother both display some concerning behavior, mom is an enabler. I&#x27;m worried that my little brother is experiencing some of the same creepy behavior I experienced as a little girl with them. Should I check in with my little brother?</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2024-11-07</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1glmv8i/i_18nb_am_feeling_off_with_my_partner_19f_and/" target="_blank" class="title">I [18NB] Am Feeling Off With My Partner [19F] and Miss Friends/Exes, Advice?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">(This is my first reddit post ever so forgive me if it&#x27;s too long or my formatting is weird)
+
+Convoluted Backstory (feel free to skip to Main Context, this Backstory may or may not add context): I met my partner [Called Eve for anonymity] 2 years ago in an online game forum (We&#x27;re Long Distance). I met them as well as their friend (18F) [Who I&#x27;ll Call A1] at the time, which would kick off the following story: we played a variety of games and I would always view the two as a complete pair- like inseparable. We&#x27;d play consistently a few times a week to a few times a month (occasional breaks when I got into relationships) at one point I decided to introduce my at-the-time partner (now ex) (19F) [who I&#x27;ll call B2] to the two as they had become my best friends, skipping over a rocky connection between A1 and B2, we land in to Eve eventually moving in with B2 due to a bad home life, and during the pick up of Eve I break up with B2 (for them genuinely ruining my mental health and being a bad person over the process of 8 months), B2 essentially spirals over the course of a few months and gets kicked out of the house, but during this spiral A1 and Eve start dating (as I suspected may always happen) and I lose contact with them for a bit so that Eve doesn&#x27;t have the awkward situation of choosing between me (online) and B2 (who&#x27;s adoptive mother has now adopted them and is living with). I eventually come back later and things continue as if they had never changed with Eve and A1, I get into a few relationships over a few months and then...
+
+Main Context: After I get out of a relationship, A1 who is dating Eve confesses that they 1. Have had feelings for me for a long time and 2. Are poly. I was unsure what to do as I had always been monogamous and had stereotypes in my head about polyamory, but after a tumultuous few days of us three talking we gave it a shot and over the course of 2 months I&#x27;m told by Eve that A1 has been awful to them in their previous monogamous relationship and I had directly seen A1 treat them poorly during our relationship (I also started having my own issues with A1&#x27;s general behavior), which builds up into multiple discussions and the throuple breaking up, and eventually both of us stop talking to A1, after a month of me having a few FWBs I get back with Eve (monogamous) and we&#x27;ve been dating for 7 months now-
+
+Describing The Situation: This relationship is the healthiest one I&#x27;ve ever been in, we both are mirror copies of each other&#x27;s personality, have the exact same vibes and humor (and we had enough differences in interest and life stories/trauma to make it feel as though I&#x27;m not just dating myself). There&#x27;s never been any arguments (we have been frustrated at certain things but always express it in calm discussions, never a second of yelling or full-anger) and we spend everyday playing games together, talking/texting, or watching media, as well as having good sexual compatibility and great intimate moments. Over the past 3 months I&#x27;ve begun feeling just bored in the relationship/like there was something missing.  In month 1 of 3 I thought it was just because of me not talking to anyone but them for the past few months (minus a few irl hangouts with friends) but I&#x27;ve been being more social recently- or that fact that it could be boredom due to it being a LDR. During month 2 of 3 I speculated that I misssd my connection with A1 and B2 (which I feel extremely guilty about if that&#x27;s the case as Eve adamantly hates both for how they treated them and seeing as I hate reminiscing over exes in my relationships) and maybe that is just the case, maybe my mind just got so used to Eve and A1 being a pair that it feels off with one of them missing from the equation, but as of month 3 of this off-feeling I&#x27;ve begun questioning whether or not I&#x27;m poly (which me and Eve have both agreed to never make the relationship non-monogamous due to our own comfort and &#x27;trauma&#x27; with polyamory) I feel as though I miss being able to flirt with people freely, and having a few fwbs at once made secure in myself and less insecure in my connections, so all of this is to say: I am conflicted about ending this relationship, but I feel like I am not able to be the genuine partner I was with them anymore and more like I am forcing myself to be that still, I don&#x27;t fully feel fufilled in the relationship but I have no true conclusion as to why and it feels dumb / disrespectful to end the relationship over the way I&#x27;ve been feeling, as they have been nothing but good to me and it would be out of nowhere for them. I don&#x27;t want to hurt them but I also don&#x27;t want to keep faking a role that used to come naturally to me. Lastly, they have been going through some hardships emotionally due to outside events (I have been supporting them) and are stressed about upcoming wants from their current guardian + classes, so also the added guilt of ending one of their main sources of happiness (the relationship) at this time as they don&#x27;t have many support systems (we are both social hermits and introverts) isn&#x27;t helping, and they have been planning for me to visit them in a few months (both of us saving up money) but I don&#x27;t want to keep giving them false hope (or wasting all of that money for the relationship to end not long after).
+
+
+TLDR Section: Past flings, experiences, and desires are catching up to me in my mind whilst I&#x27;m in a healthy relationship, I feel bored/off for a reason I&#x27;m not fully sure of, causing me to feel guilt amongst more complex outside factors... and I&#x27;m questioning if I&#x27;m poly.
+
+End Goals: 1. I find a way to fill this void/whatever I&#x27;m feeling and the relationship continues or 2. The relationship ends and we remain friends (I don&#x27;t want them out of my life)
+
+I am asking for advice of what I should do here and how I should go about attaining either end goal (while minimizing hurt for Eve if possible)? I am willing to answer any questions or provide context on the situation -if somehow all of this wasn&#x27;t enough. But I&#x27;m just stuck (having even talked to my therapist about it) and feeling guilt/like a bad person.
+
+ </div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2022-09-14</div>
+                </div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xe9wf1/update_my_23f_mom_wants_me_to_forgive_my/" target="_blank" class="title">UPDATE: My (23F) mom wants me to forgive my bestfriend knowing she betrayed me</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">
+
+Few days ago when I posted this on my main, many people asked for an update. So here it is. I knew I cannot allow M in my life. No matter what mom says. But something weird happened that I had to post an update. This is going to be long.
+
+So I went home this week. My older sister was already there. She told me my mom wanted to invite M and her mom into our house. My dad refused because he doesn’t want to betray me. I was angry at my mom for how she could do it to me. We all sat down. I told my mom how it felt to be betrayed by my friend. I told her that I am not asking her to stop seeing M’s mom but she should just stop forcing me to be friends with her. It’s not going to happen. Even if I forgive her I will not be her friend. She will not be welcomed in our house. She got mad and said we should learn to let go of the past. I also asked her what if M’s mom had an affair with dad and you walked in on them while they were doing it. I expected her to be mad but her expression was shocking. I don’t know how to describe it. It is as if I predicted something. My dad stepped in and said, “You should tell her now. She is old enough to know.” Then I heard the entire history of mom, dad and M’s mom.
+
+M’s mom was a serial cheater. She cheated on her ex-husband with multiple men. My mom didn’t know. She did have hints but never confronted her. Apparently she got pregnant with AP’s baby and tried to pass it on as M’s father’s. But M’s father was smart. He did a DNA test on the baby (M’s half brother) and the truth came out. My mom did berate her for that but M’s mom was very remorseful. She begged and pleaded with her husband to stay but her husband didn’t. I looked up dude on social media and he is filthy rich. Probably ‘Batman’ kinda rich without all the gadgets. He hired a lawyer and also had a prenup. M’s mom didn’t get a single dime for alimony but he did pay child support for a while. He didn’t wanted the custody because M technically knew about her mother’s affair but didn’t say anything. M was 7 when it happened. She would always talk about her dad no.2. I never knew. Probably because I thought that she was talking about her uncle or something. M’s dad only got the visitation which he wanted. But M stopped going when she turned 15. My mom helped her get back on her feet because she was broke and M’s child support only supports her only and not the entire family. 3 years after their divorce M’s dad got married again to someone younger than M’s mom. I also dug up his name and saw that he was happy with his new family. So the day he got married M’s mom went into deep depression. She was very much drunk and that b\*itch tried to make a move on my dad. My dad pushed her away.
+
+My dad told my mom but she denied something like that happened. Until M’s mom called and apologized for her behavior. She forgave her. But according to my dad and older sister, she would still make excuses to get closer to dad. My sisters spent their time keeping her away from dad. Dad never liked her for what she did. Her husband was my dad’s business partner at that time. Dad only tolerated her for mom and my sake. So back to our conversation, I looked at my mom and she told me that it was different because my dad never had an affair. I asked if she would have forgiven her if the affair happened? She was silent. I asked her to give me an actual reason why she thinks I should forgive M. Then she told me the truth. M’s mom has been sort of blackmailing mom to cut off contact with her. My mom doesn’t have many friends in town. M’s mom was her best friend. According to her logic, she cannot be in a house where her daughter is not invited. Also as I mentioned in one of the comments, my mom had a miscarriage when I was 4years old. M’s mom helped her a lot during that time. When my mom was jaded she would clean her house and bring M. That’s how we became friends. lol My mom pretty much saw M as her fourth child. She was probably trying to fill the space that her miscarriage left. So losing M felt like losing her baby again. That’s why she wants us to reconcile. Not because of M but also because she is afraid her friendship will come to an end. I was very upset by it. But I understood her. I told her M’s mom is welcome here anytime (though I have no respect for her now.) but M will not set foot in this house. And told her to get therapy because she had a very unhealthy attachment to M.
+
+I was conflicted. I was disappointed in M&#x27;s mom. She seems like a really nice lady. When L cheated on me, I remember crying to her. She consoled me and felt genuinely sorry. So I did something out of the blue. I texted M’s mom that I want to meet her alone. We went to a public place. My sister knew. She told me to record the conversation. (It is not illegal here). So I met her. I told her everything my mom told me. I also told her that she is welcome in our house but she cannot bring M. She didn’t try to argue. She told me she should have known. She never wanted her daughter to become like her. Her infidelity has made her life hell. M could’ve had a beautiful childhood if she never cheated on her husband. Her husband was a great guy. She still feels guilty about doing this to him. She wishes she could go back in time and undo her mistake. I said that even though I don’t have the same amount of respect for her I don’t mind having her around. My family is okay with that. The woman started crying. She finally spilled the beans after a year. She told me she knew about M and L. She knew L was cheating on me with M. She told her daughter to stop it but M said she is only FWB with L. And they will stop in a few weeks. Her mother told her that if she continues this, then she better conceal it properly. She only allowed this because she knew her daughter had an obsession with L. She thought it would help M to get this obsession out of her system.
+
+I was fuming. I wanted to yell but I kept my cool. She knew this entire time and not once she mentioned it. I asked her about her flirting with my dad. That’s when she showed me what a snake she truly is. I pressed her and berated her for trying to destroy my mom’s marriage. Once she had enough she yelled that my mom doesn’t deserve any of this. She is very lame and boring. She was only friends with her because she pitied her. My mom comes from a poor household. She doesn’t have much education. She went to a very underfunded college but M’s mom went to a prestigious college. She is not even at her (M’s mom) level. She said my dad doesn’t deserve a street rat like her. I wanted to leave but I wanted to take everything on the recording. But I had enough. I told her more or less yelled at her that she is not welcome in our house. She is a liar and a cheater and so is her daughter.
+
+I cannot believe this woman. She has been manipulating my mom all this time. As soon as I got home, I told my mom everything about this. My mom refused to believe her friend would say something. My sister who is a freaking genius played the audio. I now understand why she told me to record. After hearing the entire thing, she grabbed her phone and called her. She yelled. I could hear words like - sl\*ut, wh\*ore in my native language. She said that if she sees her again she will rip her eyes out. It was kinda shocking. One minute she was praising her and then she was yelling? But moreover, I am happy she cut off all the toxicity. I feel bad for mom. I can relate because we both lost our close friends. We sat down and chatted. She told me how being a sahm was difficult for her to make friends with. M was her close friend. She always looked up to her because she was really popular in our community. She wanted to be like her. My dad always disliked that. My mom also told me that she is sorry. That she was selfish. She enabled her so far that she hurt her own daughter. She feels guilty. I understand her. My dad said that she is putting her on therapy because she clearly has some trauma from her miscarriage and also from her childhood. I told her that she can still make great friends. She cut off all her friends for M’s mom. I told her to try and reconnect with them. I am also going to spend some time with her too in case she doesn’t feel alone.
+
+All of this drama has made me realize I have a great dad. I have a newfound respect for him. Even when he was vulnerable, he never gave in to M’s mother’s flirting. He helped my mom when she had a c-section with me. He understands that being a sahm is difficult. He loves her regardless. Many people speculated if my mom is a cheater or not but let me clarify, it is not the case. She is very loyal to my dad. She was the oldest of 7 siblings and she had to keep her family together at all cost. Hence, her pressure to me for forgiving M.
+
+Also as for my ex, he texted me on my birthday last month. He wished me a happy birthday and said that he was sorry for what he did. He also said that M is a great girlfriend who helped him after our breakup and helped him “heal”. There was like an entire paragraph of him praising M. And to quote him “I do not regret loving you. It is because of you I learned how to love. That’s why I am able to become such a good partner to M. I hope someday you will find someone good enough for you. I wish you all the best.” What a clown. I showed this to my boyfriend. He laughed and said, “I guess his wish has come true.” I do not care if they marry or have like 100 babies. I am done with them. Someone pointed out that they did a huge favor because they are both trash and deserve each other. It’s true. At least they won’t be wasting other people’s time with their toxicity.
+
+As for me, I am doing fine. I am planning a trip with my bf and friends after my finals. And thanks to all of you who messaged me and commented. Also idk if this counts as karma but M got into a fight with one of her friends (she knew about the affair). My friend went to a party this week. She told me M and a friend of hers had a fight. Apparently, that friend accused her of stealing her boyfriend. According to my friend they were not doing anything other than chatting. The girl came onto M and said &quot;well I should&#x27;ve known, given your history as a man stealer&quot;. This is now her reputation. Even if she tried to say she wasn’t flirting no one was buying it. Lol.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2023-12-05</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/18b34t1/am_i_23m_not_being_compassionate_to_my_gf_29f/" target="_blank" class="title">Am I (23M) not being compassionate to my GF (29F)?</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">i don’t know what to do.
+some background info: i have an instagram account that i originally was using as a second account where i would post click bait content to promote a gym/hustling lifestyle that would sell my drop-shipping products. i would use many techniques to boost engagement by manipulating the algorithm. including following accounts that are active within my niche.
+
+
+at some point i gave up on the product pushing and mindless algorithm tricks and turned the account into my personal fitness page. my mistake, however, was that instead of sifting through my follows to remove all the ‘algorithm manipulation accounts’ i had followed in mass, i just unfollowed accounts as i saw their posts appear on my feed.
+
+
+and as a result, of course, the inactive accounts remained in my follow list, some of which were promiscuous in nature. this didn’t cross my mind and remained an unconsidered fact about my account. weather this was subconscious laziness, ignorance or just stupidity, i do not know.
+
+
+but here is the twist.
+last night my girlfriend had a scroll through my follows and saw these promiscuous accounts. i explained myself in full and in truth, outlining my past algorithm tricks and my poor effort of cleaning up (unfollowing the nonsense) before making it my day to day account.
+
+
+i know. this all sounds like i’m a lying piece of shit. i assure you, i’m just dumb as f\*ck.
+
+
+this led her to a place of mistrust. i don’t blame her for that. but she asked to see my instagram messages. this is where i fell into a pit of challenging decisions.
+
+
+i have boundaries. i don’t believe in showing your partner your messages. i don’t think it inspires or nurtures trust and i think it’s a plague that once let out spreads like rats. “i don’t believe in that” i said. “this is the only time i will ask” she said. “and what if you ask again?” i asked, (she had asked before and also said she would never again). i told her (like i told her before) “if i say yes to this now to prove my innocence, and i say no to it next time to protect my boundaries, how can you trust me?”. it has to be always or never. pandora doesn’t come in small packages.
+
+
+this of course put her in a state of anxious mistrust and exclaiming an assortment of phrases such as “i don’t deserve to be treated like this” and “if you’re going to be afraid to show me your messages then i’m going to reconsider this relationship”. this is where i began to ponder the ethics of her composure.
+
+
+she then left for a walk and when she returned, she read on the couch in silence, never removing her headphones. i sat beside her, facing her with open and vulnerable body language, wondering if i should ask for her attention or give her time. after about 45 minutes she got up and said “i’m going to sleep” and went to her room. i slept on the couch. maybe it was my duty to drive her into a fight to gain resolution. but it felt like i was supposed to give her space and maybe that was poor judgment.
+
+
+the next morning she came out, showered, got ready and left. she messaged me “i’m going for a walk”. i was once again left in her apartment, with no prospect of her returning with intention of acknowledging my existence. i felt alone and away from home. i felt cornered in enemy territory. i couldn’t think and i needed to be free of the manoeuvring psychological passive aggressions that filled this environment with cold, paralysing air. i was weak. i replied to her message “i’m going home”.
+i’m now at home and wondering what to do.
+
+
+her absence of any interest in resolution or understanding, and the unsheathed use of &#x27;feminine warfare&#x27; enrages me.
+i am innocent of the crimes of my heart, soul, and loyalty that i am being tried for, i am guilty only of stupidity and ignorance of the mind. for my true crimes i will accept punishment and fair trial, but in the presence of premature speculation and assumption followed by immediate marshal condemning, i will not stand and be accused of lies.
+what do i do?
+would a good man have stayed in her apartment and waited for her to return?
+at what point is enough enough?
+was leaving justified?
+after all, the conflict birthed from my own ignorance.</div>
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+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2021-12-12</div>
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+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rel3fv/caught_in_the_middle_of_a_potentially_toxic/" target="_blank" class="title">Caught in the middle of a potentially toxic roommate situation, don&#x27;t know how to proceed</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Background: I (30F) live with a couple (26M and 25F). 26M and I are in the same field. We have all lived in the same apartment (they pay 2/3, I pay 1/3 shared expenses) for seven months. I thought about putting this in r/roommates but this isn&#x27;t really about them as roommates. It&#x27;s more about all of us as friends.
+
+When we all moved in together, I was in a bad way. I&#x27;d just been broken up with, my last living grandfather had just passed, and my former living situation went bad (roommate brought his brother to live with us &quot;temporarily&quot; and he ended up indefinitely sleeping on the couch). They were both really supportive and now, seven months later, I&#x27;m doing a lot better. I&#x27;m more self-contained (in a good way), I&#x27;m a lot more confident in my decision-making skills, I&#x27;ve made some new friends, and I got a new job that I really like.
+
+We&#x27;ve had some adjustment wrinkles, and unfortunately, because of my permanent minority position, a lot of pressure has been put on me to accommodate them rather than the other way around. For the most part, I&#x27;ve been indifferent to it because it&#x27;s stuff that I really don&#x27;t feel strongly about like how the furniture is arranged. But on the off chance I DID have a problem, no I didn&#x27;t, you know?
+
+A couple of days ago, there was an unintentional incident that rattled all three of us. Call it a scary close-call. The next few days were super, super tense and I finally addressed the elephant in the room. And shit hit the fan after that. They&#x27;re both super pissed at me now saying it was inappropriate for me to bring it up and that it&#x27;s none of my business. But like, it became my business which is why I said something.
+
+Now, 26M has completely turned it around on me and the conversation is about how I&#x27;m unwilling to communicate and he feels like he can&#x27;t talk to me. 25F has come at me twice very aggressively about some trumped up shit that I had to de-escalate both times. I think this is how they&#x27;re responding to the trauma of the incident. I have a suspicion that they both needed me to have problems so they didn&#x27;t have to deal with any of their own stuff and now that I&#x27;m better there&#x27;s other stuff coming up for them that they&#x27;ve neglected to deal with before.
+
+My plan of action is to try and remain as compassionate and empathetic as I can, but to set firm boundaries if I feel like they&#x27;re projecting or speculating on my character. Is this what I should do? I feel like I have to &quot;be the adult&quot; here, which isn&#x27;t fair because I&#x27;m a person with needs too.
+
+TL;DR: Roommates are lashing out at me for addressing an incident that negatively affected all three of us.
+
+Edit: Said incident was a night terror from 26M. According to him, he&#x27;d never had one before and this one was really really bad. Like, flailed around, hurt himself, and caused damage to the actual apartment.</div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2022-06-02</div>
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+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
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+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/v3hhrc/i_27m_am_on_a_break_with_my_recent_partner_30f/" target="_blank" class="title">I [27M] am on a break with my recent partner [30F] and not sure what exactly to do.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">I met someone some a while ago. She was a mutual friend that I have never met before. One night, I ask her a goofy question about rotisserie chickens, and fast forward she became my girlfriend a month later. We spend so much time talking and a decent amount hanging out. Talking on the phone for 2-3 hours at a time. Some background on her is that she is divorced. She mentally checked out of her relationship with her ex 2 years before divorcing him. She then planned on moving back to the city we both live in, but her sister insisted she move in with her rent free. The situation with her sister was very traumatic, where her sister essentially wanted her to be her live-in maid. My partner did not have a house key was was not allowed to leave, so she had to sneak out. She was mentally abused by her sister. Her sister displays symptoms of BPD, but that is pure speculation. What is certain is that she was mentally and verbally abused by her sister.
+
+She then moved back here and met me. Our relationship was the first healthy one that her and I both had. We love each other. I live in a close-knit city where everyone knows each other, and she was constantly being asked why she moved back. Here comes the reason for the break: She works 2 service jobs and realized that she is 30 and isn’t in the career she wants to be in. She panicked with our relationship because it was moving fast. Neither of us put the blame on either, it all was organic. She’s been incredibly stressed, so she said she thinks it would be best if we split. We split up earlier this week on Monday. She said she has to work on herself and doesn’t have a timeline. I admitted to my own faults and said I also have some things to work on too, like my health. The past few days have been miserable for me. I have cried my eyes out and will be starting therapy next week. I called her last night because I realized that I did not say to her exactly what was on my mind on Monday. I told her that I miss her and that I am in love with her. I told her that I understand she needs to figure things out on her own, but I will wait no matter how long that takes. She said that she would love for us to get back together, but her future is uncertain. I then spilled more of my guts, saying that because we both agreed we will not date, sleep with, or talk to anyone else in a flirtatious/romantic manner, that I think we should compromise the split and take it back to when we first started seeing each other. That we go on a date once a week tops, occasionally talk to each other throughout the week, and restart from scratch while keeping in mind everything we have said. She said she wanted that too.
+
+The advice I’m asking for is how to stay sane and remember to breathe through this process. I don’t want to view this as pissed off waiting, but knowing that there is a process and will take time. I know that the future is not certain. I just am wondering the amount of space to give her. We have been really good communicators and I will be seeing her in person this Saturday. I just want to do the right thing and as cliche as it is, follow my heart.
+
+tl;dr gf and I are on a break. We talked about getting back together, I’m scared and want to keep myself collected and do the right thing</div>
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+                    <div class="post-date">2020-04-11</div>
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+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fz09tm/dealing_with_my_desire_to_see_sex_workers/" target="_blank" class="title">Dealing with my desire to see sex workers</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">Hello all :)
+
+Brief introduction: 25 year old Canadian male. About 3 months ago in late January, I lost my virginity to a sex worker at a massage parlour here in Montreal. I had been a virgin who had never been intimate with a female in any way whatsoever. I badly wanted to know what sex felt like. Before giving in, I had fought hard to prevent myself from going to this massage place (debated the idea in my head for 5 months and kept pushing through until I couldn&#x27;t handle it anymore and decided to go one day no matter what). The next day, I went again and had sex with another masseuse . Right after these encounters, I felt deep shame and guilt, all of which have since subsided. In fact looking retrospectively at these experiences at the moment, I cannot help but reminisce vividly about the sessions almost everyday. Up until this day, I have been battling the urges to do it again. I still have not gone back or seen a sex worker ever since. Yet the urges have been very strong to do it once more.
+
+There are a number of reasons why I have been trying to prevent myself from engaging in a third encounter. First, in Canada where I live, paying for sex is illegal but selling sex is not. Generally police don&#x27;t care about consenting adult prostitution but since the law exists, you never know when their priorities may change. As such, I have been scared to death of the off chance of getting busted and arrested for purchasing sex. Tbh, it seems the chances of this happening are low since police are mostly busy with dealing with trafficking and situations where minors are involved instead but that is only an educated guess and not an objective analysis. Erotic massage parlours offering sex in Canada are everywhere and flourishing across the country. Yet, since the law exists and the possibility of getting arrested for something like this is totally frightening to me (it would be a fate worse than death for me), I have been trying not to take my chances with the law even if the risk is low. Yet the urges are super strong and there are times where I feel I have no choice but to succumb to them. Currently, thanks to covid19, these places appear to be temporarily closed and at the same time, I am doing my part self-isolating and that also means a no to hiring sex workers or meeting any person. My concern, however, is that these urges will be much harder to fight when the pandemic ends and things get back to normal. The covid19 excuse will be lifted and I will be tempted so hard to go again and risk a low and spontaneous chance of arrest. Hiring a sex worker for an outcall appears to be much safer legality wise since the police are not really going to come to your home and conduct a sting. Yet, the anxiety of inviting a stranger to your home far supersedes the anxiety of going to a discrete establishment which offers these services and which I have already done twice.
+
+I am quite lonely and never been in a relationship in my life. It will take some time to work on things I need to work on for that to happen (getting in shape, improving social skills around girls). I have already started working on these things and I am not discounting getting into a relationship in the future. But it may take time. Say a few years at the very least to get into a more confident position, physically and mentally. I also do not want to seek a relationship for the sole purpose of satisfying my sexual urges or for the sole purpose of sex because by definition that wouldn&#x27;t really be a loving relationship. The idea of getting into a relationship to me seems to be a way to circumvent the sexual urges and render them as no longer relevant by eclipsing them with something that feels so much better (say mutual love, caring for someone else etc). But given the chance that this possibility may take time to materialize if it is ever even destined to happen, the real issue seems to be how I will be able to deal with my very strong sexual urges in the meantime. Can I really completely block those urges for a few years at least when I am finally ready to put myself out there. Getting sex organically seem to not be an option. As I said, I am out of shape, lack confidence, and self-esteem. I also don&#x27;t feel comfortable trying to manipulate people into having sex with me. That sounds quite creepy and may be unwelcome. You also never know what a random person&#x27;s attitudes to sex are. Some girls may simply not be into it and thus it may be quite offensive especially also that sex is quite taboo in many cultures. A sex worker on the other hand is upfront about sex and the arrangement is quite direct as what its goals are. Which is why it seems to have been the most logical option to pursue in order to fulfill my desires. Obviously it is quite expensive but I can choose to do it at very spaced intervals (say every 6 months) and save for it by spending less on things I don&#x27;t much need. But, then again, the legal situation is so complicated and hazy that I feel so uneasy and uncomfortable going that route.
+
+A third option is to find a way to block my sexual urges completely. So far, I have been doing that by taking walks/reading interesting books whenever the urges happen and they tend to work but I am not going to lie, sometimes the urges are super strong and particularly in the morning when my libido is highest. Can I really hang on to these urges for years? I question my ability to do that. How will I deal with my loneliness and low self-esteem in the meantime? I mean a main reason why seeing sex workers seemed a good option to me was the possibility that it may fix my shyness around girls and boost my very low self-esteem by giving me some validation. The fact that a woman allowed me to be intimate with her even if artificially so still did something to my super low self-esteem. I liked the interactions I had with the sex workers I saw. I treated them super nicely and they told me I was quite respectful to them. They were happy and friendly . And I still reminisce happily about those interactions I had. They were very intimate and taught me things about sex. So, I am left wondering why the taboo exists around consenting adults sharing moments like this together just if an exchange of money is involved. By doing so, I am also supporting sex workers and their work. Given that the law exists however criminalizing any purchase of sexual services, I feel I should not take my chances with the law further however.
+
+How would you act in a situation like this? I am totally lost as to what I should do and how to proceed forwards in my life.
+
+I am in not in a very good state mentally since I have been going through a lot, first the stress around my first sexual experience took long to dissipate and I have been thinking deeply and been having a lot of intrusive thoughts about what I did and examining what I want in life, so please if you have any negative comments or insults, I would really appreciate it if you don&#x27;t leave them here. My poor mental state cannot handle any more negativity (I spent a lot of time crying the past few months) :( I am trying to be a better person I promise you.
+
+Thank you so much and sorry for the long post :)</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
+        <div class="card">
+            <div class="card-header">
+                <div>
+                    <span class="sub-link">r/relationship_advice</span>
+                    <div class="post-date">2011-01-12</div>
+                </div>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
+                    <span style="font-size:1.2rem; color:#4a5568;" title="Favorites disabled in offline report">☆</span>
+                    <span class="score-badge">7.0</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/f0r83/college_girlfriend_and_i_want_to_live_together/" target="_blank" class="title">College girlfriend and I want to live together for economic reasons.</a>
+            <div class="content collapsed">My girlfriend and I have been dating for less than six months.  I consider both of us to be rather rational individuals.  We are also very compatible with each other, and are constantly communicating everything that is on our minds.  I know we&#x27;re probably still in the &quot;honeymoon&quot; phase, but this is someone I seriously feel like I could spend the rest of my life with.  We both live on campus, but want to move to an apartment because it would save a lot of money. (There are apartments available which would cut our living expenses in half.)  Economically speaking, this would be a no-brainer.  But is this a good move for our relationship?  We&#x27;ve spent a whole week talking about it and can&#x27;t come up with any problem which would ruin our relationship.  We both have stable finances, communicate effectively, respect each other&#x27;s space, etc.  Obviously, just because I can&#x27;t think of a problem wouldn&#x27;t mean there isn&#x27;t going to be one, and since I&#x27;m rather young (we&#x27;re both 20), I lack the experience to back up my confidence.  So RA, tell me, can it work?  Are we crazy to try?
+
+
+Also, I should clarify that this particular move would be just for college, and after graduation we are open to the idea of living apart for career purposes until we both find stable jobs.
+
+
+Edit: Thank you for the advice so far.  I do appreciate everyone being brutally honest (of course that&#x27;s what I&#x27;ve come to expect from r/RA).</div>
+            <button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(this)">Show More ↓</button>
+
+        </div>
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+{
+  "query": "(astronaut OR cosmonaut OR spacefarer) AND (theory OR hypothesis) AND (reddit OR subreddit OR \"online discussion\")",
+  "criteria": "reddit astronaut theory",
+  "timestamp": 1768607907.723011,
+  "config": {
+    "keywords": "(astronaut OR cosmonaut OR spacefarer) AND (theory OR hypothesis) AND (reddit OR subreddit OR \"online discussion\")",
+    "criteria": "reddit astronaut theory",
+    "subreddits": "offmychest, sexualassault, TwoXChromosomes, amiwrong, relationship_advice, confessions, india, indiasocial, advice, relationships, lifeadvice, trueoffmychest, self, rapecounseling, vent, questions, familyissues, family",
+    "tournament": "true",
+    "exhaustive": "false",
+    "target_posts": "10"
+  },
+  "results": [
+    {
+      "id": "3wqdhm",
+      "score": 100,
+      "title": "Me [28 M] with my GF [F] of 11 months duration, and I'm suddenly questioning our relationship after something she said",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3wqdhm/me_28_m_with_my_gf_f_of_11_months_duration_and_im/",
+      "content": "So I have to start with a little background.  I was raised with a very strong appreciation for science, stars, etc. We'd spend weekends as a kid with my telescope at the local observatory looking at the stars. Watching star wars, star trek, star gate, and Cosmos like TV shows (to name a few) were the kinda stuff I grew up on. For instance, on vacations,  instead of going to Disney world, we'd first go to see the Saturn rockets for my brother and I to marvel at. To this day my favorite actor is Tom hanks, and I watched Apollo 13 religiously. Heck I went to space camp... One of those kids that could site you the exact compositions of the sun. Real geeky stuff.  Heck for a college major, I chose a science direction because of my upbringing. \n\nAs for my current relationship: my gf, let's call her C. C is genuine, kind, sweet, cute, very innocent(Catholic school good girl), and most importantly open and honest. She is more into girly things, like Princess movies(no scary stuff allowed), clothes, jewelry, and the occasional gossip as opposed to deeper intellectual pursuits. So while she wasn't at all into science and knowledge as much as I was, she was very into art and has a very good side gig with her photography business(and I'll admit she takes really great one of a kind photos) and I appreciated and respected her for that. Plus she is fun and our conversations, despite being rather superficial, tend to be light hearted and entertaining. That being the case, I rarely delve into science talk, or discussion in the upcoming star wars movie because of her waning interest. normally if I talk about anything in detail I just get a blank stare that says \"I love that you're trying to talk to me about this but, it's Greek to me OP\" or \"you must be real fun at parties.\"  Although lately I have been missing the ability to have deeper conversations than who said what.  But it's something I'm fine with as I have plenty of friends who share my enthusiasm for these topics. \n\nFast forward to today I was showing her an info graphic (on reddit) showing the depths of how deep humanity has explored the sea. At the bottom it showed a submersible at the deepest part with (1960) on it.\n\nShe remarked \"that's bogus, how can they say they've been there in the 1960s when we can't even get there today... Just like with the moon landings.\" \n\nI'll have to admit my brow furrowed pretty deep. Whereas I knew she had an innocence of knowledge due to interest in more artistic humanities, tinfoil hat conspiracy theories are news to me. \n\"what do you mean,\" I quickly inquired. \n\n\"well the moon we didn't land on the moon. It was all fake. The flag was blowing in the wind. Just like how we can't go to the bottom of the ocean today, and all manned spaced craft blow up before making it to the moon even today. The moon landing was faked.\"\nHonestly, with her deadpan humor and left hook punchlines, I thought she was pulling my leg. \n\nShe wasn't. Even some reasoning didn't work. Crazy facts, zero reasoning. Zero belief in what I said. Full tinfoil government conspiracy Hat. \n\nI know going into this relationship that the reality is i signed up for this one reddit,  but it really did rock me. I saw her version of my interests, in the same way that I don't know how to set camera iso, or how to photoshop edit. In my mind it would be the analogy of me saying to her that Photography is bullshit.   But one of my biggest red flags was out-there conspiracy theorists(ones based all on conjecture and wildly falsified facts) . To me,  they are all a little whacky. The sad thing is while I love her, I'm seriously now left wondering if this is really the right relationship for me... Over a darn moon landing. Yess I'm left writing this with massively cold as the dark side of the moon-feet. So, am I wrong?  \n\nTl;dr in a relationship with a girl who doesn't share my love of science, but that's okay, she's great at other things like art. Today she reveals she's a tinfoil Hatter and I can't get over it.",
+      "timestamp": 1450061601.0,
+      "upvotes": 35,
+      "num_comments": 30,
+      "tags": [
+        "telescope",
+        "observatory",
+        "science upbringing",
+        "Apollo 13",
+        "space camp",
+        "Catholic school",
+        "Princess movies",
+        "photography business",
+        "blank stare",
+        "intellectual mismatch",
+        "superficial conversations"
+      ]
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "3qvj6w",
+      "score": 95,
+      "tags": []
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "3gc3rx",
+      "score": 80,
+      "tags": [
+        "house party",
+        "drunk friend",
+        "passed out",
+        "sibling's room",
+        "pretending to sleep",
+        "inappropriate touching",
+        "waking up",
+        "confrontation",
+        "alcohol",
+        "boundary violation"
+      ]
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "3ga8sg",
+      "score": 30
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "160ocgt",
+      "score": 27.0,
+      "title": "spied on a sociopath for a four digit payment and got a smear campaign in return",
+      "sub": "TrueOffMyChest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/160ocgt/spied_on_a_sociopath_for_a_four_digit_payment_and/",
+      "content": "This is probably gonna be long so bear with me or don't, that's fine too.\n\nDon't really know why but I kinda wanna get this off my chest and I'm still not sure if it's karma or if it's a learning lesson.\n\nAs I'm quite afraid that some of the people in my life use reddit on a daily basis and might be able to identify who it's about I'm gonna keep some details out and hope it doesn't bother anyone.\n\nTLDR; spied on someone in exchange for a four digit payment, found out crazy stuff (not too much of it is mentioned for identity and legal reasons), also found out the guy I was spying on was a sociopath and held a smear campaign against me and stalked me afterwards, 'til this day and I got an insight into what a sociopath is like.\n\nLet's get to it shall we?\n\nLast year I (f 24) started going to a new bar that was quite popular and met someone (let's call him AB) the first night. AB seemed kinda off but was very polite and trying to keep up the conversation no matter how many times I said I wasn't interested. As he wasn't really flirting and mostly asking personal questions I obviously got curious what his deal was but he laughed it off and left me alone.\n\nI met him again the next few times and every single time he approached me and wanted to get to know me more. I asked him why out of everyone there was he so focused on me so he told me.\n\nThere's someone (m 40, let's call him XY) that he needs to find out more about. He didn't wanna tell me details and I laughed it off and thought he was a creep. But he didn't let loose and offered me money to get close to XY and find out specific things about him. I was weirded out and told him to basically F off. But then he told me the sum. It was a pretty nice number but I of course didn't believe him as so many are on drugs on night outs and I got intimidated and wanted to leave.\n\nBut AB swore up and down that he was fully sober and even showed me his ID to gain my trust and gave me his phone number to call him if I change my mind.\n\nI don't recall when he left but I didn't see him again that night and the following nights.\n\nNext time I was in town I ran into AB and he wanted to continue where we had left off the last time and asked me to grab a coffee with him and just talk and I could decide after if I wanted to do this.\n\nTo keep this part very short, he convinced me and I agreed to it.\n\nOnly rules were to get close to XY and find out very personal things about his life and his finances and some things about his job (which I can't mention as it would give away his identity), etc. you get the deal, and then report back to him. I got XY's socials and some information such as his name, age and some details about his personal life to get started and to know what I was getting myself into. And most importantly that XY could never ever find out about this and neither could I tell anyone else.\n\nAB also paid me half in advance and promised more. We're talking four digits. Smaller amount than you might think but still four digits and it was just the first payment. There was more to come.\n\nWe talked about the plan and went through everything and how I could catch his eye because XY was known to be very flirty with every single woman that he came across and I'm not the only pretty one there lol. We also made up a whole persona for me and some made up stories about my sad childhood and family problems that I would eventually tell him in a \"drunk and vulnerable state\" to gain his trust and then act like I don't remember to also make him think that I would forget things he might tell me when I'm drunk in general.\n\nFirst two nights at this bar didn't really work out and I wasn't really into it anymore but didn't know how to tell AB because he had already paid me. So I tried the only thing I could think of which was to act like the drunk silly funny innocent girl and to my surprise it actually worked.\n\nXY approached me and started flirting with me so I started acting even more drunk and flirty. I wasn't nearly as drunk as he thought I was but it was working so I went with it. He gave me his socials and I went back to my friends and partied the rest of the night. Through the night he came up to me a couple of times and flirted with me.\n\nA couple days went by and XY didn't seem as interested since he hadn't texted me too much and I thought I was losing the deal and started texting him more. He seemed kind of hesitant but then started absolutely love bombing me out of a sudden. This happened in a span of maybe two to three weeks. He even got me a christmas present and I hadn't even known him for a month at this point.\n\nI kept acting like the drunk innocent party girl that was only clubbing to have fun and make some friends and acted like I didn't remember any of it the following day. Everyone ate it up lol.\n\nAB had also told me that XY actually has a girlfriend but keeps her very private, not in a sweet way as you might think but more in a way of presenting him as a single man.\n\nI already knew some of the backstory of XY and his girlfriend from AB and felt really bad for her but also thought that this might be eye opening to her and she will eventually leave XY when this deal is over. I was very naive so to say.\n\nFirst thing AB asked me to do was to place an AirTag in his car. Not telling anyone if I did or not for legal reasons.\n\nSo everytime I went out to party and he was there I had to act the way AB told me to. Flirt with him, get him to like me, get him to drink if I can and subtly ask about personal stuff. So I did. I didn't like him from the beginning, not even a little bit. I was actually disgusted by him but oh the things you do for fun and high sums of money. I know all this is morally very wrong but what shall I say.\n\nIt didn't take long and soon XY was love bombing me even more, got very controlling and started telling everyone that I was his girlfriend. He introduced me to literally everyone and pushed me to meet his friends and even his siblings. I was very creeped out and felt extremely uncomfortable and asked AB to end this and wanted to pay him back because I wanted to chicken out of this BS game but he basically begged me to keep going and promised to help me if anything happened and to end this if it got really bad. I agreed.\n\nAt this point I had already received three four digit payments from AB and couldn't complain. I didn't actually need the money but who would've said no to the amount that I was getting? No one.\n\nAB asked me to start meeting XY in private spaces and go on dates and maybe invite him to my place so I could gain his trust. He gave me cameras for my apartment for safety, even set them up for me and signed me up for the accounts to be able to check them at all times so I would feel a little safer when XY came to my place. I also had some self defence things hidden in different spots such as pepper spray.\n\nAt some points I thought he knew what was going on but this dude was so in love with his narcissistic self that he thought he just landed a 24 yr old hottie while being a miserable old F that was cheating on his poor girlfriend that he had abused for more than ten years prior to this (and still to this day does). That's also a reason why I kept going because I thought he deserved it anyway.\n\nHe was doing things for me that he would've never done for her and things that she begged him for and that were never even up to debate.He didn't bat an eye to do them for me though. Such as introducing me to everyone. Telling everyone he was taken. Buying me flowers many times even without any occasion or reason at all. Picking me up and driving me every single time no matter when or where.Doing whatever I asked him to even without hesitation. Those are just a few. He was talking about a future together and children and that I would the best mother he could imagine. He told me he would propose to me soon.\n\nI never wanted to get married and especially not to that psychopath. He knew that but he still kept talking about those things. I had told him multiple times that we are not a couple and that I didn't want people to think that I was actually his girlfriend. At this point I think it was not even two whole months of us talking. This guy was an absolute nightmare.\n\nAre you keeping his age in mind? Not to judge anybody because of their age but a 40 year old father to a teenager daughter talking to a girl thats just 10 years older than his daughter like that? Telling me how mature I am for my age and what not. Trying to groom me as if I didn't look through his nasty intentions.\n\nBut as more time went on and XY became even creepier I got really scared about my personal information and my safety so AB and I had different fake documents in my apartment as a kind of wrong track or disguise? I don't know what other word to use but I hope you get what I mean. We also decided on code words if he was to ever call or text me while I was with XY because XY had already become so controlling to the point where he was checking my messages almost every single day and even went on my phone while I was asleep.\n\nHe started his narcissistic abusive BS as in controlling me, trying to gaslight me, trying to turn things around and make everything my fault and saying that I was flirting with every guy that was even in the same room as me and a lot more. He thought that these kind of things would work on me but I know about these things a little too well.\n\nI reported everyhing back to AB. Every work call that XY had, every personal thing no matter how small it seemed I immediatly told AB. At one point I started rewinding the cameras and writing things down because XY would fight and argue so much that I would sometimes forget things.\n\nI then started to record conversations and just simply send them to AB. Later I got suspicious that XY was starting to ponder and thought he found one of the cameras at my place or found out that I was recording him but well he didn't. XY knew that I had multiple phones but one was a complete set up, the second one was barely used, only sometimes to record him and I had a third one as my \"actual phone\" and told XY that I just got a new one because the \"old one\" froze a lot.\n\nHe got suspicious but he could've never in a million years guessed that this was what I was doing because even I myself can't believe that I did this for months. His thoughts went more to me texting other guys behind his back and \"cheating on him\".\n\nI knew that he checked my phone when I was sleeping and I knew what he was doing in my apartment when I was either not there or asleep but I couldn't say anything or else I would give myself away so I started to get nervous about this whole thing because he genuinely seemed like the kinda guy that would get physically abusive.\n\nAB didn't want me to end this yet because he had gotten so much of the information that he was hoping for but knew that XY was still very cautious about telling me too much. He would shorten names of coworkers when he talked about them to me and just write the first letter of their name so that I would know who he is talking about but less enough so that I wouldn't be able to tell anyone that he was talking about them. Or he would prefer to not talk about specific things over text but little did he know I was recording everything anyway.\n\nXY would get like those narcissists you see on clips online when they get caught and throw a temper tantrum when I would call him out on his BS sometimes and get this squeaky voice and refuse to leave my apartment when I asked him to multiple times. I would have to threaten to call the police so he would eventually leave my place. He would cry crocodile tears and then get mad and mumble to himself and the next moment he'd tell me some made up stories about his sad childhood and what a poor soul he is. He would always say that he is the best, most loyal and honest man on earth and would never ever even hurt a fly.\n\nWhile praising himself as if he was a god sent angel he would talk about his ex girlfriend like she was the most furious, worst mom ever to their daughter and a narcissist and a psychopath. That she cheated on him and he is so poor and oh my lord. I'm about to throw up thinking about this again.\n\nHe gave himself away a couple of times like when he told me how he got a better position in a job way back by manipulating his coworkers into thinking that he is so very nice and innocent and only thinking about them and never himself or when he slipped up a couple of times about coworkers and his boss at his job. Unfortunately can't get into details here.\n\nI basically knew the personal lives of all the people around him. Someone broke up with someone? I knew it immediately. Someone got an STD? Knew it. Someone had money problems? Knew all of it. At this point I had gained a lot of his trust because he thought I was young and naive and didn't remember anything after a night out because I was \"so drunk\". Right. Kept that one going 'til the end lol.\n\nHe got so comfortable around me that I think he sometimes forgot that I was there and listening when he would lie to someone on the phone and tell them some fabricated story just to get money out of them or anything that he desired and to manipulate people to side with him. I once even listened to him for hours on  end on the phone running up and down in my living room with two different people alternating on the phone and talking bad about one to the other and vice versa. He did this in front of me. Many times. It was crazy.\n\nOnce he even tried to get me to text a higher boss some message to get someone fired and cause problems and I played into it but of course I would've never actually went through with it. But now I had the private personal number of the higher boss. XY just thought that I was a silly little girl that he could use to his advantage.\n\nOne time AB asked me to try and get the whole conversation history of XY and his ex girlfriend. He even asked me to find out the cloud of his ex and his daughter. If I did this and if I actually sent it to AB is gonna be kept to myself for legal reasons.\n\nI went on night outs so many times that I started to make friends there and I didn't want them to view me as the drunk party girl that was so naive and had a brain the size of a peanut because I was acting like that for XY so I stopped doing that in front of them and I think XY noticed the change. The people I met there were also good informants though. Found out a couple more things about XY. Big things. I was really good at acting drunk and acting like I didn't remember much the day after. This part was actually fun.\n\nXY got very controlling he went as far as checking the trash in my bathroom and toilet every single time he was at my place and looking for any clues that a guy might have been at my place. He once asked me if I used tampons because he found one wrapped up in toilet paper in the trash can in my toilet. Like W.T.F.?! WHO in the right mind checks the trash in someones home let alone a tampon WRAPPED IN TOILET PAPER?! He actually took it out of the trash can and unwrapped it to check what it was.\n\nWhen I tell you that I had chills and had to text AB to come to my place immediately and stay nearby in his car if anything happens. I was really scared to be honest. I could never eat anything he cooked out of distrust and was very cautious when eating take away that he had brought me because I didn't know what he was capable of or what was going on in his mind.\n\nThis whole time there was so much more that happened and so many bigger things that I found out but for the sake of his daughter who is already a young teenager I don't want this to get out and people to find out who this is about but getting this off my chest feels really good.\n\nI did report to AB all of the things he wanted to know and even more but I was very done with all of this as XY was abusing me emotionally and mentally, fighting and arguing with me every single day, trying to gaslight me and talk bad about me, he even tried sending dudes my way to find out if I would cheat on him. I had told him from the beginning and frequently that we were not a couple and that I was single.\n\nThen things started to get bad for XY concerning finances. He was fighting with his ex girlfriend (f 41) and gaslighting her, lying to her and abusing her because he freaked out that he was about to lose some big things. He even blackmailed and threatened her. I felt so bad for his ex girlfriend that I just couldn't and didn't want to do this anymore. I also felt really bad for his daughter and tried to make up for it by buying her things and presents even if she didn't even know me. I didn't want to get to know her and told XY to tell him that the presents were from him. But it didn't seem right. I felt very sad for her and also for his ex girlfriend who seemed very desperate and exhausted from him.\n\nThe biggest part of their fight is one I can't tell on here but you can guess what it could be that they were fighting over and that was my last straw. It wasn't his cheating. I couldn't stand his disgusting face, his irritating voice and his nasty and rotten self anymore. I hated every inch of him and felt so so sorry for his daughter to have such a piece of garbage as a father. He never looked after her, he never cared for her and didn't ever want her. He would procrastinate picking her up and would never want to take her anywhere or help her with homework but he was always in for blaming her and punishing her but the punishing was to be done by the mother so that he wouldn't be the bad guy. At one point he even told me that he regrets having her and that he wished he never had a kid but caught himself very fast as he knew that I love kids and am very sensitive when it comes to them. He never wanted kids and he still doesn't want her and plans to leave her once she turns 18. And because he knew how much I love kids and cared for them he used this information to act like he was a good father and gain sympathy points but I knew he wasn't. He's a dead beat.\n\nI was utterly disgusted by him and for no money on earth or anything else in this life could I keep going so I called AB.\n\nThis was it. I didn't want to continue anymore and AB asked me for one last thing. He wanted a copy of his cloud and his phone in general. He had asked me twice for this on seperate occasions throughout the whole time this was playing out but for legal reasons I'm going to keep the answer if I did this or not to myself. It was. a. lot. of. money. for that. Even more than for anything else.\n\nAfter the breakdown of this whole ordeal AB and me met up and talked about a smooth ending or even something a little dramatic because we were suspecting that XY knew something.\n\nXY started suspecting that guys had been coming over to my place and that I was with someone else and even told other people about this. Every single one of them reached out to me though and asked me if I was alright because he was acting like a psychopath and they were worried for me.\n\nSo I met up with XY, of course not at my place as I felt really uncomfortable in his presence already and told him that I couldn't continue this the way it was and that I didn't want a relationship with him and that I didn't believe him the things he said and that he was actually broken up with his ex. Playing the good 'ol jealousy card. He cried crocodile tears even got some real tears out and tried to change my mind. We stood outside for hours and he just didn't want to let go and accept my decision but I managed to keep up the show of the innocent girl that was sad to end things but that it just didn't feel right and wasn't what I wanted. I was so utterly disgusted by him that I was so relieved when I turned around and walked home.\n\nNot long after, maybe half an hour after that, he texted me and cried to me about how he misses me and doesn't want this to end and that he is endlessly in love with me and blah blah blah.\n\nI tried to be nice just so he would finally leave me alone and I thought he would.\n\nSike. Little did I know that he started a smear campaign the moment he left. Telling lies everywhere he goes and spreading rumours and things that never happened or weren't true and bad mouthing me. Interogating everyone that was still in touch with me or even only had me on their socials and telling people to stay away from me. He started to literally interogate friends of mine and told people to update him as soon as I post something and to tell him about my whereabouts, who I was with, etc. It was very very crazy and definitely scary. He was blocked on everything I had and still always knew where I was, who I was with and so on. I even quit my job and moved out of my apartment because of all this. Better safe than sorry.\n\nSo I told AB about all this and he promised he would take care of it and to not worry about it. Got my last payment and packed some stuff and left the country to get over all of this.\n\nUnfortunately some of the people he dragged into his smear campaign about me believed him but oh well, they truly don't know a single thing about me. Some of them reached out to me though and told me that they felt sorry for me because he was acting so out of control and some even told me that I should get a restraining order against him or sue him for defamation of character. It was that bad. He is an absolute sociopath.\n\nWell, he changed his job and got back together with his ex which he was never actually broken up with and thinks this is it. He thinks he won. I wonder what the prize is.\n\nAfter all of this I couldn't help but feel even worse for his ex girlfriend or now girlfriend and I felt like I owe her something. So I wanted to call her and tell her something. I can't write what it is as it would definitely give away the identity if someone around me found this post but she deserves to know. I feel very bad for her. But I'm not gonna be the one she hears it from. As sorry as I am. I never want to even hear his name ever again.\n\nI never could've imagined what a sociopath is like and I thought I had met some people with narcissistic traits but believe me when I say you can only speculate until you actually meet one and it hits you like a train.\n\nI never found out why AB wanted this but I had a feeling that it had something to do with minors and theft mostly, maybe involved drugs but I'm not sure about that one. I had heard from a couple of people that XY was involved in some bad things involving minors, drugs and clubbing. I never asked about details. I just couldn't. There was no evidence to my knowledge. But maybe AB found something on his cloud that he may or may not have gotten from me. Can't say anything about that on here.\n\nI realized that AB is someone that would rather collect evidence for years than act on one piece of something the moment he finds out. He's someone that doesn't get revenge as soon as he gets the chance. I noticed that he is the kind to wait for a time someone will least expect it. As AB said himself, it could be in a week, a couple of months or maybe even years. But he was always polite, very restrained, kept his word, kept me safe as promised, very patient and paid me extremely well.\n\nXY had pictures saved of different women in an app that he thought he could keep safe and locked. I don't wanna get into details but you can guess what kind of pictures. There was so much on that phone that literally was so disgusting I wish I hadn't seen any of it. But all of those women will get their justice eventually. It's just not gonna be me handling it.\n\nWell, I guess that's all. Might edit if I remember more but my thoughts are all over the place thinking about this again.\n\nFelt really good to get this off my chest.\n\nTo say the least I am absolutely traumatized.\n\nThanks for reading if anyone got this far. So very sorry it was so long.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEdit: added something I remembered and corrected a typo\n\nEdit 2: more typos and some formatting, so sorry",
+      "timestamp": 1692936145.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1hbeze6",
+      "score": 25.0,
+      "title": "Before you make up your mind on Luigi Mangione based on what the media tells you about him, know that his Reddit account paints its own picture of who he is",
+      "sub": "self",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1hbeze6/before_you_make_up_your_mind_on_luigi_mangione/",
+      "content": "There's reason to believe that u/mister_cactus is the UHC shooting suspect Luigi Mangione. Credit to [this comment](https://np.reddit.com/r/spinalfusion/comments/1hajvwr/luigi_mangiones_spinal_fusion_looks_like_an_l5s1/m19pau7/) which is where I first saw this. Dug into the account for the fun of it.\r\n\r\nThe account is suspended, so all record of its posts/comments comes from Reddit archives.\r\n\r\nArchive of all posts from the account: [Primary](https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=mister_cactus&size=100), [Secondary](https://ihsoyct.github.io/?mode=submissions&subreddit=&sort_type=created_utc&sort=desc&limit=100&after=&before=&author=Mister_cactus&score=&num_comments=&q=)\r\n\r\nArchive of all comments from the account: [Primary](https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=comment&author=mister_cactus&size=100), [Secondary](https://ihsoyct.github.io/?mode=comments&subreddit=&sort_type=created_utc&sort=desc&limit=100&after=&before=&author=Mister_cactus&score=&num_comments=&q=)\r\n\r\nBoth primary/secondary links should have the same content, but included both in case one goes down or something.\r\n\r\n## Proof\r\n\r\nIt's known that he has a Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, Snapchat, and more, while being a tech bro, so it's no surprise that he'd be on Reddit as well.\r\n\r\nHere are some snippets of evidence that I compiled in order to prove that the account belonged to Mangione. Note that the first point here is pretty cut and dry, everything else just further confirms it.\r\n\r\n**Linked to his own GitHub**\r\n\r\nHe commented [this](https://i.imgur.com/mqwhbCy.png) on r/FTC (robotics competition for high schoolers?). Notice that it links to his code on GitHub ... and it's Luigi Mangione's GitHub. Yeah, pretty cut and dry lol.\r\n\r\nHe was in fact into robotics in high school (and he would be in high school in 2016 so that checks out).\r\n\r\nUnfortunately I typed the rest of this out before finding that piece of definitive evidence, so here it is if anyone's curious:\r\n\r\n**Attended the University of Pennsylvania during the same time frame**\r\n\r\nLuigi Mangione graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in 2020. This [image](https://i.imgur.com/rtAqHfZ.png) shows that the Reddit account posted a question about housing in r/UPenn in 2017, which would check out.\r\n\r\n**Was a computer science undergraduate student**\r\n\r\nLuigi Mangione majored in computer science at the University of Pennsylvania. This [image](https://i.imgur.com/sVwtKXI.png) shows that the Reddit account made a post where he says \"I'm an undergraduate pursuing a degree in computer science,\" again lining up with when he was at UPenn.\r\n\r\n**Same age**\r\n\r\nIn 2018, the Reddit account made a post to r/sleep. Here's an [image](https://i.imgur.com/EfsAt4t.png).\r\n\r\nIt mentions being a 20-year-old male. 2018 was 6 years ago, and he is now 26-years-old, so this lines up (I do not think we know his exact day of birth).\r\n\r\n**Shared an interest in Ted Kaczynski**\r\n\r\nAccording to Mangione's GoodReads account, he left a positive review for the Ted Kaczynski's manifesto and called him a prodigy and political revolutionary. [Source](https://www.yahoo.com/news/person-interest-unitedhealthcare-shooting-gave-192123970.html). \r\n\r\nThe Reddit account likely posted [this video](https://np.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/comments/1czali0/streaming_overdose_2024_china/) to r/tedkaczynski. Technically all we know is that he had a post on r/tedkaczynski with the same title as the post I just linked and his post was two days after the original - we can't see what the attached video was. Given the identical title and being in the same week, it was likely a crosspost. \r\n\r\n[IMAGE](https://i.imgur.com/UKC4y43.png)\r\n\r\n**Had serious back problems**\r\n\r\nThe Reddit account was very active on r/Spondylolisthesis. According to Google, \"Spondylolisthesis is a condition where a vertebra in the spine slips out of place, usually in the lower back.\"\r\n\r\nThis includes [this post](https://i.imgur.com/GRX4hhD.png) where he listed athletic success stories as motivation to other people suffering from the condition.\r\n\r\n[Here's](https://www.foxnews.com/us/unitedhealthcare-ceo-murder-suspect-luigi-mangione-complained-about-back-surgery-before-slaying) a news article that mentions Luigi Mangione's back problems. \r\n\r\n**Aggravated injury due to surfing**\r\n\r\nLast year (2023), the Reddit account says that they're 25M (again, age lines up) and says, \"I first aggravated my spondy 1.5 years ago after surfing.\" [Image](https://i.imgur.com/0Mux0In.png)\r\n\r\nThis lines up with Luigi Mangione. The [following article](https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/luigi-mangione-charged-unitedhealthcare-ceo-shooting/) says:\r\n\r\n> CBS News has also learned Mangione had been living at a co-working, co-living space called Surfbreak in Honolulu up until 2022, when a spokesperson for that community says he left due to a lifelong back injury that was exacerbated by surfing and hiking.\r\n\r\n> Sources tell CBS News back pain was a major factor in his life and appeared to be a source of pain and frustration for him.  \r\n\r\n**Shared an interest in Agronomics**\r\n\r\nAccording to Google, \"Agronomics is a London-listed company that invests in cellular agriculture, which is the production of agricultural products from microorganisms and cell cultures. Agronomics uses biotechnology, synthetic biology, and tissue engineering to produce proteins, fats, or tissues\"\r\n\r\n[Here is a post from Luigi's Twitter account talking about the company.](https://nitter.poast.org/PepMangione/status/1790412503857705302#m)\r\n\r\nTon of comments from the Reddit account on r/agronomics, [here's an image of a few](https://i.imgur.com/dxglYEP.png).\r\n\r\n**Lived in Hawaii at some point**\r\n\r\nI don't know Luigi Mangione's entire life story, but the surfing thing occurred in Hawaii and his LinkedIn has his location as Hawaii. Well, in 2023 this Reddit account commented on r/Oahu that he loves stargazing at \"Ke'ana Point\". Here's an [image](https://i.imgur.com/7mGJHuY.png). That's in Hawaii.\r\n\r\n## Takeaways\r\n\r\nOkay, now that we know that it's him... what does the Reddit account tell us?\r\n\r\nHere are some things that I noticed from its comment history.\r\n\r\n**He's a kind guy**\r\n\r\nMost of his Reddit activity is on r/Spondylolisthesis and it's rather uninteresting in the sense that it's... mostly just him being nice to other people, giving them advice and motivation.\r\n\r\nHere are some quotes from r/Spondylolisthesis specifically.\r\n\r\n- \"You'll do great, whatever you decide. [...] We can't be afraid to live our own lives to the fullest!\"\r\n- \"Of course. Also feel free to DM me if you have any questions in the future\"\r\n- \"Sorry you're also a member of this shitty club, but know that you'll be fine whatever you decide\"\r\n- \"Hope that helps and sorry you have to go through this\"\r\n- \"Surgery is scary, but the sooner you get past this, the better. Good luck with the neurosurgeon consult!\"\r\n\r\nPretty mundane stuff, but with how much douchebaggery you see on the Internet, it's a breath of fresh air in a sense. Most of these are parts of longer comments where he gives detailed thoughts / advice, you can see those in the archive.\r\n\r\n**Some of his interests include**\r\n\r\nFootball: he commented on r/nflmemes and r/fantasyfootball\r\n\r\nPok\u00e9mon Go: he commented on r/pokemongo back in 2016, along with r/pokemongodev nd r/TheSilphRoad.\r\n\r\nFlipping: he commented on r/Flipping and r/ThriftStoreHauls\r\n\r\nBioinformatics: he commented on r/bioinformatics\r\n\r\n\"One Bag\": he was active on r/onebag in 2024. According to the subreddit description, it is \"an 'urban' travel community devoted to the idea of helping people lug around less crap; onebag travel\"\r\n\r\n**He was struggling in more ways than one**\r\n\r\nOn top of his back problems, he commented on r/BrainFog, r/visualsnow, and r/ibs.\r\n\r\nAccording to WebMD, \"Brain fog isn\u2019t a medical condition. It\u2019s a term used for certain symptoms that can affect your ability to think. You may feel confused or disorganized or find it hard to focus or put your thoughts into words.\"\r\n\r\nAccording to Wikpedia, \"Visual snow syndrome (VSS) is an uncommon neurological condition in which the primary symptom is that affected individuals see persistent flickering white, black, transparent, or colored dots across the whole visual field.\"\r\n\r\nAnd IBS is irritable bowel syndrome.\r\n\r\nAnd for what it's worth, the brain fog activity was in 2018, before COVID (it's apparently a reported symptom of COVID).\r\n\r\nHere's a neat snippet of a long form comment on r/BrainFog during his time at UPenn six years ago.\r\n\r\n> Working through the degree has certainly been tougher than anything I ever even thought I could handle. Granted, I went from almost entirely A\u2019s at a tough school to just passing my classes and not understanding anything while putting in probably twice the amount of work.\r\n\r\n> Funny how you mention strategy games. Last year when it all started, I used to play chess daily against my roommate. I used it as a metric to see how the brain fog was improving. Eventually, I just stopped since I could never remember any strategy. He would use the same moves against me day after day and I just wouldn\u2019t remember them.\r\n\r\n> I think it helps to latch onto something for motivation. My choice to study CS and Bio wasn\u2019t completely random - after spending so much time with brain fog, I\u2019ve come to realize how little is understood about it, and I\u2019d love to change that. Once I get past this, I hope to at least help a few of the people on this sub.\r\n\r\n[Here's an image of the whole comment](https://i.imgur.com/aXFr7If.png).\r\n\r\n**Miscellaneous**\r\n\r\nThere are two other random Reddit comments he had outside of his usual subreddits that I found somewhat interesting.\r\n\r\nBoth of these comments were on an r/facepalm post from April 2024 about Elon Musk having a transgender daughter.\r\n\r\nOne specific comment thread made fun of Musk for being high on ketamine, and then a random Redditor basically argued that people should be more open minded about substances that can be used to treat depression. The comment was downvoted, and Mangione replied \"Weird double standard by reddit here regarding treatments for depression. Now sure how this is being downvoted\". [Image here](https://i.imgur.com/d3ySr6U.png). There is some evidence on Mangione's Twitter defending drug use as well, including psychedelics.\r\n\r\nThis other exchange was on the same post about Musk. \r\n\r\n- A user commented \"Feels pretty silly to not believe there is at least some social contagion element at play.\" They sit at -58 points on this comment.\r\n\r\n- A person replied \"I grew up really religious and still turned out trans. Just took me years of depression because my family wouldn't accept. No one ever talked about trans people.\"\r\n\r\n- Original commenter said \"DID I SAY TRANS PEOPLE DONT EXIST FOR FUCKS SAKE? This is why no one can have a conversation. 10 downvotes and been reported already for saying there might be some aspect of growing trans population resulting from social contagion. Fuck me, I guess I\u2019m just satan.\"\r\n\r\n- There was a long back-and-forth between these two fellas, as Reddit tends to go, but at this point Mangione's account replied and said: \"This is one of the crazier comment threads I've seen on reddit, that reminds me how much of an echo chamber this site is. How the hell are you being reported for merely suggesting that both \"nature\" and \"nuture\" play roles in human behavior. Literally nothing bigoted or controversial about that statement.\"\r\n\r\n## The elephant in the room\r\n\r\nThe obvious questions: Did he talk about healthcare? UHC? Brian Thompson?\r\n\r\nNo bomb shells, exactly.\r\n\r\nIn 2018, in a thread on r/IBS, a user asked him if insurance covered a test that Mangione received from his doctor.\r\n\r\nMangione's account responded that \"BCBS covered my test\". [Image](https://i.imgur.com/Mjj4XM8.png)\r\n\r\nNow, that was six years ago, but for what it's worth, BCBS is \"Blue Cross Blue Shield\". They are NOT United Healthcare (UHC). They're actually the company that recently received criticism for a newly announced anesthesia payment policy and ended up reversing it in light of Brian Thompson's death. [Source](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-care/anthem-blue-cross-blue-shield-time-limits-anesthesia-surgery-rcna183035)\r\n\r\nThis doesn't really mean anything because it was six years ago.\r\n\r\nThe only other somewhat adjacent thing that I found was a comment in response to a post where somebody asked for help convincing a surgeon that they needed spinal fusion surgery because their pain is unbearable.\r\n\r\nMangione's account gave multiple suggestions, including: \"Tell them you are \"unable to work\" / do your job. We live in a capitalist society. I've found that the medical industry responds to these key words far more urgently than you describing unbearable pain and how it's impacting your quality of life.\" [Image of the full comment](https://i.imgur.com/B3w4X0u.png).\r\n\r\n## Conclusion\r\n\r\nIt would be silly for me to tell you not to blindly trust the media and then tell you to blindly trust me. So do your own research if you're interested. The links at the top of the post will allow you to do so.\r\n\r\nMy take?\r\n\r\nKind-hearted, smart kid. Suffered from a host of problems, far more than anybody, let alone a young man in their 20s should deal with.\r\n\r\nAccording to his Reddit activity, he suffered from:\r\n\r\n- Debilitating back pain\r\n- Irritable bowel syndrome\r\n- Brain fog\r\n- Visual snow\r\n\r\nNonetheless, he came to Reddit to help others with the same problems and give them the same motivation that seemed to help him.\r\n\r\nI won't speculate on why he did what he did for the sake of objectivity, but I hope people engage on the topic with a better sense of who he might've been, because there will certainly be an attempt to paint him in a specific way.",
+      "timestamp": 1733871798.0,
+      "upvotes": 30306,
+      "num_comments": 2152
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "3ieifd",
+      "score": 25
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "3eret9",
+      "score": 20
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "oq28sz",
+      "score": 17.0,
+      "title": "Having a patchwork gender identity",
+      "sub": "TwoXChromosomes",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/oq28sz/having_a_patchwork_gender_identity/",
+      "content": "I've been struggling with my identity lately. Well, struggling may be an exaggeration, but bear with me. Physically, I'm female. In theory I have no problem with this, but when push comes to shove I feel like I hate being boxed into being female. It vaguely bothers me when I'm pushed to specify preferred pronouns because personally I'd rather people use whatever pronouns they think suit me best. When referring to myself I'll waffle between \"woman/lady\" and \"guy/dude\". I also dislike overtly \"pretty\" and \"feminine\" names, and often use a relatively gender-neutral name, though my given name is decidedly female.\n\nAll these quirks I've noted about myself came to a head when I realized that part of the reason I have had so few romantic relationships (besides the fact that I have endometriosis that makes penetrative sex incredibly painful, which is hard to explain to a guy, and is often a deal-breaker) is the fact that I have a female body, and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable to have my femaleness sexualized. Nothing is quite as much of a buzzkill when I'm in the moment than to have a guy grab my breasts or my butt, and worse, try to talk dirty about them. I spend most of the time happily pretending they don't exist, and I don't want someone making a big deal about them. I've learned to avoid intimacy because of how uncomfortable that makes me.\n\nThe strange thing is, I don't think I have gender dysphoria. I don't mind being female, I just wish I was a bit less female. I wish I had been sting boobs instead of knockers that make breast guys want to make out with me. I wish I had smaller hips that wouldn't be noticed as much. I'd rather have guys notice my arms or shoulders or belly the way women notice those things about a guy.\n\nI really don't think I'm trans. I've spoken to trans people, including a family member who I've known my whole life, and my experience is wildly different than theirs. My family member tells me stories of how when I was a small child, I used to get irate when someone thought I was a boy, which is true enough, and he says that he had the exact opposite experience where he hated being labeled based on his body. At the same time, I remember hating the idea of being a mother since I was very young, and when I playacted as various animals, I'd often imagine myself as a female with male physical traits. I'm wondering at this point if I'm some form of nonbinary, which also seems off, since in many ways I lean toward female, but in others I don't, though I can't say I've ever felt especially masculine in any regard.\n\nI've been noticing these quirks about my gender more and more, but I struggle to articulate them. I don't feel queer enough to justify talking about my comparatively minor issues in queer spaces, but straight, cis people often don't understand where I'm coming from either. I once speculated that my aversion to \"idealized\" hyperfeminine beauty was because I was very straight, but my straight friends looked at me like I had grown a second head, and started trying to convince me that the female body is a gorgeous work of art.\n\nOnly other thing I can think of is that I strongly suspect I'm neurodivergent, though I have not been diagnosed (yes, you don't have to tell me about how self-diagnosis is bad, I'm being vague here for a reason) and from what I've heard, atypical gender expression is known to manifest among neurodivergent people.\n\nSo help me out here, Reddit. Can any of you relate to this? Do you have any idea what is causing this? As an adult it feels people expect you to fit into gender norms more than they did when I was a child, but I have no idea how to express that it makes me uncomfortable, especially when I have a history of identifying as female, and I plan on continuing to do so.",
+      "timestamp": 1627046364.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "74i0m6",
+      "score": 17.0,
+      "title": "I'm finding fans of the new Star Trek to be a most disagreeable bunch",
+      "sub": "TrueOffMyChest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/74i0m6/im_finding_fans_of_the_new_star_trek_to_be_a_most/",
+      "content": "And that's without me going into colourful metaphors. My problems with the new Trek, whether you want to call it DIS, DSC, or STD, are many, and well motivated. But this is not about that.\n\nIt's no surprise that I've seen this discussion brew on Reddit, YouTube, and other places. And there have been a number of things that I've seen that just drive me bonkers, in regards to the pro-Discovery crowd.\n\n>You have to remember that parts of or entire previous Star Trek series were total shit!\n\nWhat kind of an argument is this? First off, you're not really a fan of something if you hate it. Secondly, the first seasons are nowhere near as bad as people make them out to be. It's the result of a good product already getting better because the crew gained experience. The problems with TNG's first seasons were, frankly, pretty goddamn unique to its situation, as explained in the documentary Chaos on the Bridge. And for all that, season two was pretty damn good. If these people think that episodes like Measure of a Man or Elementary, Dear Data were bad, they have no taste.\n\nAlso, some of those movies and episodes people in the fandom like to claim are universally shit, really aren't. You sheep.\n\n>People have nostalgia goggles and are afraid of something new\n\nIf a show does something new, that's fine. If it promises to do something new in a legacy of previous material, the core concepts need to remain in some shape or form. So yes, it being *too new* is a very valid criticism of something like Discovery. If it's so new that none of the original core concepts remain, that's a real problem. And I believe this is the case with Discovery. So don't tell me I can't criticize something that's claiming to be Star Trek for not being like Star Trek. That's literally the *only* thing we expect of it.\n\n>It's too early to judge!\n\nKind of related to the first point. People said this about the trailer, and they say it about the episodes. But no, it's not. We're not judging the entire thing. We're judging the trailers and episodes. When we say we think the episodes are shit, that means we think those individual episodes are shit. If we think they are all shit, that means we think the entire show up until this point is shit. And if the entire show up until this point is shit, we *expect* the rest of it to be shit, too. That is not unreasonable. That is logic.\n\n>Star Trek was a socially progressive show, so fans who aren't progressive liberals and/or complain about SJW issues aren't *real* fans\n\nSee, I kind of agree. There were a lot of rabid responses to Discovery that complained about SJW issues. Some of which are kind of stupid and kneejerky. But at the same time, I can see where it's coming from. The cast of Discovery already took a stance (or a knee, rather... wait, is that the intentional pun in that expression?) on a divisive issue. But you know what the problem with that is? It's not in the show. The great thing about a show like Star Trek is that it can treat heavy issues from a distance, by setting them in the future or in a different society. This forces people to leave their misconceptions at the door and look at an issue with fresh eyes. For instance, when the Maquis get left out to dry by the Feds and decide to fight back, they echo any number of populations, from colonial holdouts like the Pieds Noir, to groups like the Polish Resistance. Because their core issue is having a different identity and culture than their rulers, and not having the support of people who are kind of responsible for it. So people who, in real life, identify with diametrically opposed views and groups can both look at them, and identify with them and their issues. Or agree with the view that they are terrorists. Or both at once. Compared to that, plainly taking a stance on a real life political issue seems less sophisticated.\n\nStar Trek's message of acceptance and diversity never ended at contemporary left wing issues. This is also the show that turned cartoony space Nazis into a well-rounded culture, with their own ups and downs. And why? Because it urges you to understand even people you don't agree with. People you consider repulsive, even. The fucking clue is in the title: All these supposed (or real) bigots liked all the previous Treks. Because those went out of their way to not be divisive and include *everyone*. Even the bigots. There's a bunch of episodes about this sort of thing. They don't end with the bigots being run out of town or people being policed on their opinions.\n\nStar Trek is about understanding. Strawmanning people you don't agree with instead of trying to understand them is the opposite of that. And sure, if you *do* understand them, that's a different story. But that's not what I'm seeing in most of these comments. And frankly, it seems like the pre-release articles really played this angle in the hope for a rabid response. The show itself honestly isn't very progressive, from what I've seen. That's one of the big reasons it doesn't feel like Trek. \n\nFinally, one thing held true throughout most of Star Trek: It didn't hold your hand. It allowed viewers to form their own opinions, sometimes even despite the wishes of the creators. It was always a show that made you think, rather then telling you what to think. That's what made it such a pop culture icon in the first place.\n\nChrist, no-one ever stopped being a bigot from being derided and talked down to.\n\nAnd yes, this is the longest point because it's also the most sensitive one, so I wanted to explain why I think this argument is full of shit, rather than just saying it. I didn't intend for this to turn out this long, but there you have it.\n\n>Something something The Orville\n\nThis is the post of some douchenozzle complaining about people talking about The Orville:\n\n>It's not relevant, it's not Star Trek. I'm not interested in your opinions of NOT STAR TREK.\n\nYeah, that's just about exactly how I feel about Discovery. When people make posts about how much they love its milquetoast main character, or their stale speculations about the plot or technobabble. Or praising the *tiniest* things, even. I hate watching an otherwise decent sci-fi show, and constantly being jarred by Star Trek references. I hate cunts like this pulling rank on something that's pretty much Trek in name only, and demand we treat it as the real deal because it has that name. I hate people like this complaining about criticism, and then getting ticked off when people even fucking mention what they think is an example that does it all better.\n\nBonus points: It's one of two Trek-related usernames I have seen that have been on Reddit for a few months, most of whom's posts are praising Discovery. Yeah, this is why people think there are paid shills. And I certainly *hope* this person is being paid for their corporate dedication.\n\ninb4 \"why didn't you post this on the Star Trek subreddit?\"\n\nBecause this is my rant. This is not a discussion. These are my misgivings with the Discovery fans, not the show itself, and their mountains of frankly insulting arguments in favour of what I consider to be more of a weak The Expanse ripoff. I can deal with the name of something I love being attached to something I don't feel anything for. The spirit that created Star Trek doesn't magically die because of that. But these bastards demanding I love it because of that name and clogging all Star Trek boards everywhere with their dumb opinions, they really get me going.\n\nIf you're a Discovery fan reading this: I have no beef with you if you don't use these arguments. But I've been seeing them far too much, and I needed to have this rant. I'm glad for you that you can like the show, but don't see how you do. I'll wait a few more episodes until I make my mind up about it, but thusfar Saru is literally the only thing I like about this entire ordeal. He feels like a classic Trek character. Well, when he isn't praising Micheal. She ticks off all the boxes of the original Mary Sue description.",
+      "timestamp": 1507229003.0,
+      "upvotes": 18,
+      "num_comments": 4
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "8es42q",
+      "score": 17.0,
+      "title": "(For Fun) \"Private India\" - The secret Avenger",
+      "sub": "india",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/8es42q/for_fun_private_india_the_secret_avenger/",
+      "content": "**\"Private India\":**\n\nAside from the ones speculated at already, I hear there will be another secret Avenger showing up for Infinity War - Private India.\n\n---\n\n***Bio:***\n\n  Born **Kyakar R. Hihai**, he isn't a high-ranked officer like Captain America,  but a basic soldier, a private, for the Indian Army.  One day while on site at a secret location in Kashmir, guarding a secret radioactive material along with his other regiment (his superiors wouldn't tell him what it was), he discovered in the dead of night some Pakistani spies attempting to make off with it - he bravely tried to fight them off, and killed a few, but the material ended up exploding and knocked him unconscious as well as two of the Pakistani spies, who were somehow rescued by other spies and never found by the Indian soldiers.  \n\nThose two Pakistanis ended up becoming some of his most notorious enemies on their own \u2013 Halal and Haram; as for him,  over the next few weeks he was specially quarantined by the Indian Army; his body began to change, he grew a bit stronger, and he could stomach his aunt's horrid samosas which he never liked before.  The Indian army wanted to keep tabs upon him, and being obedient, he agreed.  They found that the radioactive material had infused with his DNA- giving him extraordinary resilience and special powers; this, combined with the special Ayurvedic Chywamprash that he eats daily, gives his powers a uniquely Indian flavor, almost as if from the Holy Books themselves.  Far from fearing the worst, the army realized he could be used for special purposes.  They subsequently put him to use in their militaristic and spying drills, where he succeeded greatly.  His reknown eventually became known to the Avengers, who looked to recruit him.  \n\n-----\n\n***Powers:***\n\n**-Powerful neck muscles and enhanced inner-ear stability**, which allow him to bob his head sideways vigorously in the Indian affirmative fashion in order to more convincingly agree with people and his superiors.\n\n\n**-Skin-color changing ability:** The radioactive contaminant has mixed with the DNA/melanin in his skin and has given him the ability to control the hue of his skin\u2019s \u2018brownness.\u2019  In other words, he can make himself very, very brown- nearly to the point of blackness, or an extremely whitish-wheat color.  He very much prefers the whitish color (he has modeled for many Fair Boy skin color ads by using it), although the Indian sun often burns his skin cells in that state and he is forced into a more neutral brown.  The dark-brown/black he finds useful during night-time espionage, but otherwise he detests it.\n\n**-Very flexible spine:**  Years of yoga training has made his spine very supple and easily bending.  He can twist into the most uncomfortable poses with ease, making him an ideal spy, and willingly bows down to every superior who comes before him.  He is the ideal son, the boy Mothers dream of having.  He loves to follow orders- some say his spine is so flexible it is like he is spineless.\n\n**-Dust-attracting fingers:**  Related to his super-obedience, his fingers are genetically enhanced with the ability to attract dust-  but only off the lower regions/feet, and only from people who he deems are superior to him. \n\n\n**-Indomitable Nosiness:**  Although he can stop others from being nosy with his powerful stare, he himself is hypocritically and powerfully nosy.  His charming manner and quick wit allow others to divulge even secret information they normally wouldn't - aunties start revealing when THEY will start having grandchildren, and uncles reveal when THEY will lose weight, much to their displeasure.  \n\n**-Bhai the Spy:** In this vein, he has super hearing which allows him to secretly spy on the other Avengers and keep tabs on them.  He convinces them to let him listen on their discussions, for the sake of their own well-being and to preserve the integrity of the Avengers.  It is not spying or snooping in his eyes, he is just being a concerned brother.\n\n\n**-Super potent digestive juices/bowels:**  His natural Indian digestive system, which can withstand the heat from any spice, is amped up to an extreme level.  He can eat raw chili, gunpowder, and even the occasional hot lava.  He always does a special pooja for God Agni before doing this, however.   When he eats gunpowder, he can put any subsequent thing into his mouth and then shoot it out with bullet-like velocity. \n\n**-Iron self-control:** Due to practicing brahmacharya and retaining his semen, his skin secrets a beautiful lotus fragrance, and he becomes unfailingly attractive to women.  The irony is that is he is extremely socially awkward around them and manages to screw up most of his flirtations even before he starts.  So they brand him a pervert and try to get away- only for him to charge his throat chakra with a disdained cry, \u201cNahi!\u201d \u2013 which reverberates so powerfully in the air that it deafens and immobilizes them for several minutes.  Private India is forced to apologize and slinks away.\n\n\n**-Limited Flight:**  He can fly, but not quite as well or as high as Iron Man, and for not nearly as long a time.  So he has to be careful, and sometimes uses his Dhoti for parachute support.  Incidentally, whenever he flies, a distance that should take him no more than 15 minutes sometimes takes him a whole hour, due to unexpected turbulence and a curious influx of birds.  He marvels at the lack of air traffic control and complains to himself, but he accepts it ultimately.\n\n**-Supercharged chakras:** His intense pranayama and yoga training, combined with his radioactive DNA, have given him tremendous amounts of energy in his chakras.  This gives him a nearly-limitless amount of energy, which mysteriously seem to vanish when it comes to Avengers' administrative work. \n\n**-Powerful tardiness:** Shows up for meetings not just late, but SUPER late: no less than 4 hours, thank you very much.  \n\n**- Enhanced Coconut-oiled hair -** which he keeps covered by which his hooded mask, has the power to immobilize any enemy by its pungent smell.  He grows specially-enhanced super coconuts just for this purpose, which do not lose their pungent properties no matter how long they are left out in the sun.\n\n**-Hyderabadi Feariyani:**  His special meal, containing a fear-inducing chemical (an idea he \u2018borrowed\u2019 from Scarecrow) which he sometimes serves his opponents (which they accept due to his Indomitable hospitality) to induce fear in them and reveal their weaknesses.\n\n----\n\n**Costume:** True to Gandhi's ideals, he homespun his own costume - made of a reinforced bi-weave- cotton.  At the center of his chest is Mahatma Ghandi\u2019s chakra wheel of India; his mask/cowl, fitting snug over the upper half of his face, is made up of an Orange, White, and Green line running parallel atop each other, across it. His banion (undershirt) is bulletproof - although vulnerable to the annoyed yanks of his mother.  He occasionally wears a reinforced dhoti, which, if he were to fall from a great height, can expand and act as a parachute to break his fall. Unfortunately, it is prone to rips and he gets his servant to resew it often.\n----\n**Bhooth Bhais:**  True to the socially-conscious nature of his Indian society, he can temporarily create multiple copies of himself, called Bhooth Bhais - which are weaker than his real self and only last a few minutes.  \nWhenever he enters a bus or a train, any empty space is automatically filled up by his Bhooths.  Even if he is the lone passenger, within seconds his Bhooths automatically replicate and fill up and engulf the entire compartment - hanging out of windows, on the roof, etc.  This is due to P.I.'s subconscious mind which has, throughout his life, never had an experience of traveling on anything but a totally packed ride. \n\n**Special Powered Attack \u2013 Bhooth Baliye:  'The Item Number:'** In the middle of huge battle sequences, he can pause them mid-fight and breaks out into a cool song-and-dance number. The dance moves themselves act as fight moves and helps him defeat even the toughest enemies.  The intensity of the vibrations of all his selves dancing can create Bhooth-replicas of Shahrukh Khan and Kajol to join, who use their star-charisma to seduce the enemy should physical force not work, with Udit Narayan's voice mysteriously singing in the ether.\n\n----\n\n***Interesting Facts:***\n\n- He Is his own pre-fight astrologer.  Whenever he has a particularly tough enemy, he builds a specially crafted suit- made with the vedic metals and encrusted with the jewels that will protect him from the negative energies of the stars.\t\n\n\n- Makes his opponent wait, as he does a special pooja before his hard fights - invoking the Gods and applying paste on his opponents' foreheads.  As his fame has increased, he has even invited Baba Ramdev and other gurus to come and bless his fights.  Huge throngs of masses eventually came to watch as he would defeat his enemies.\n\n\n- Often chews betel leaf in his fights, which stains his teeth red and intentionally fools his opponents into thinking they have seriously hurt him.  He spits the juice in their eyes, which, due to his fiery digestive system and saliva, temporarily blinds and burns them.\n\n\n- He once out yoga'd Baba Ramdev, out-shouted Arnab Goswami, out-questioned Barkha Dutt, out-scolded Jaya Bachchan, and out...ed Karan Johar.\n\n\n- Captain America loves him, for he is unfailingly obedient. Hawkeye doesn't, because Private India hates hearing about him hitting the 'Bull's eye,' as he cannot stand to hear cows being harmed.\n\n\n- Believes that Shiva, Krishna, Ganesha, Hanuman, Ram, Durga, and Kali were the original Avengers, and that Muslim conquerers have sadly wiped this knowledge out of existence.\n\n\n- Whenever the Avengers\u2019 interdimensional fights end up nearly destroying entire cities, and they are called upon to clean it up afterwards, Private India almost always desists, and instead thinks it is not his business and that \u2018someone else can do it, na?\u2019 He personally doesn\u2019t mind the rubbish and thinks downed power-lines, torn-apart cars and scrap metal from burning building bring a \u2018hometown flavor.\u2019 \n\n\n- He can beat anyone in a staring contest.  Can turn the tables on nosy uncles and aunties by his piercing gaze so that they instantly turn away.  Has the special ability of making female enemies feel so nervous and uncomfortable that they instantly lose the will to fight and start quaking in awkwardness.  For the finishing blow he merely walks up to them and coyishly remarks, \"Bhabhi, how pretty you are looking, na?\" - to which they faint from embarassment.\n\n\n- Whenever the Avengers Assemble, he unfortunately only arrives weeks later and with a dismissive tone, stating that he 'only recently got the announcement,' and that 'he did everything he could but that is bureaucracy.\n\n\n- Sometimes, whenever he is just about to defeat his enemies with a finishing blow - they bribe him, and he lets them off the hook.  This is ineffective against attackers who happen to be Muslim or who transport cows, or who are Pakistani - he shows no mercy then.\n\n\n- Somehow knows the answer to everyone's problems, and when they try to disagree with him, he just answers that he is an Avenger and that they should know better than to question him.\n\n- Unflagging loyalty to his country.  Hates when people talk bad about it, even in jest.  Although he respects Captain America, he feels somehow slighted by him and holds him only at arms\u2019 length.\n\n- Whenever he crosses over into the DC Universe, he Is unfailingly condescending towards Batman, who he doesn't believe is a real superhero because he doesn't actually have any natural superpowers, he is only a regular human who worked hard enough to get where he is at.  He decries the Justice League for their 'affirmative action' in including a normal human among their ranks, and believes he must have had a special reservation to get there. \n\n\n- Believes that the 'A' on Captain America's helmet means he got an A grade on his training, so he respects him for it.  In the same vein, he scoffs at Superman for only getting an \"S.\"\n\n\n- Whenever Bruce Banner changes into the Incredible Hulk, he notes that his uncle used to do something similar, but who would then go and chase after the women in his area, whom he (interestingly) would never hear from again.\n\n\n- Is a sucker for foreign tech - After Iron Man upgraded his armor, he tried to get Stark to sell his unused tech- to no avail.  Besides, he didn't have the money for it.  So he quietly snuck out some of Stark\u2019s blueprints and got a friend to design a similar rip-off armor suit for him.  Unfortunately, it proved to not be reliable and he got many bullet-piercings and slipper-marks from angry aunties - though he occassionally can and does use the suit when needed. As he cannot be Iron Man, he has smartly called it \"Bronze Bhai.\"\n\n\n- Believes Scarlet Witch and Black Widow are the most supremely beautiful white goddesses that he has ever seen, and gazes at them lovingly whenever they are near.  He has created special temples for them in his home town and does a morning pooja for them every day.  On the other hand, he vehemently dislikes Gamora, who's strange dark green skin repulses him, and he sees her as subhuman.  He wonders how she can be a Guardian of the Galaxy, when she cannot be a Guardian of Her Dignity?  He only tolerates her because her green color reminds him of the Green on the Indian flag, but otherwise he can't stand to look at her.  He constantly asks Drax when she is going to be married off so she will be attending to her domestic duties and not bother them anymore.\n\n\n- Unfortunately, whenever he gets too close to either of the two beauties, his hand suddenly gains a power of its own and starts compulsively reaching out to touch or grab them. As the women understand he is inherently a nice guy, they are patient with him - but he has had many a finger broken by Black Widow who has to consistently remind him to stop. To which he remarks wittingly, 'it's okay- I am not a crorepathi, but a sore-pathy.'  He has asked Scarlet Witch so many times to show him her 'Bobs' that she had to call her neighbors, Bob Johnson and Robert Daniels, over to Private India's house.  At this, he was naievely convinced that she was indeed showing him her 'Bobs,' and he sighed exultingly at his good fortune.\n\n- In his appeal to convince the Avengers to let him join them, he made tremendous promises, and vowed to get the Avengers back on track to be the team he knew they could always be.  He convinced them that he was the hero they always needed, but did not know it.  Many of the other heroes, including most of the Guardians of the Galaxy, took a liking to him, and the Avengers themselves were smitten with his convincing logic and strong words \u2013 they accepted him.  But after a few years of being with them, they found themselves slightly disillusions.  He was late to fights and meetings, promised to attack certain enemies but never did, talked about the Glory of India despite sometimes even fighting in the middle of outer space light years away with the Guardians of the Galaxy, and would get his \u201cBhooth Bhais\u201d to sometimes forcibly silence his naysayers (like Gamora, who he treated like a lower caste and thus had a grudge against him).  So the Avengers plan to have a meeting next year to decide whether to let him stay or go \u2013 they are not sure, but he is hopeful and confident in his value and knows he will do a \u2018Super Hit\u2019 job.  The choice is uncertain, but his moment of truth is arriving soon\u2026.What do you think will happen?\n",
+      "timestamp": 1524646684.0,
+      "upvotes": 15,
+      "num_comments": 12
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1mefojf",
+      "score": 15.0,
+      "title": "UPDATE: Just asked for my girlfriend\u2019s phone and she refused. Me 34M her 33F",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1mefojf/update_just_asked_for_my_girlfriends_phone_and/",
+      "content": "UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your input, negative and positive. I\u2019ve been painfully reading through all your comments throughout yesterday and this morning. \n\nOriginal post:\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/jMjdsWZtjK\n\nShe has since been continuing to beg me to stay and says she\u2019ll do anything, block the guy and tell him he can\u2019t see her anymore all the way to never having guy friends, which isn\u2019t what I want and not what was explicitly bothering me. The resolution I was looking for was to just have transparency and know that she would have offered it as freely as she had in the past, which she didn\u2019t. I just wanted to know I could rest easy and feel safe with their conversations and no longer see it as a threat.\n\nI wholeheartedly believe that nothing physical has happened, but the denial of transparency leads me to worry there may have been something, even slightly flirtatious, with him or with someone else, or even potentially confiding in him about issues regarding us. It\u2019s really difficult to try and just guess what the real reason was, but I don\u2019t believe it was as bad as many would believe.\n\nShe insists on the AA excuse. A little backstory there: She has already told me about him being in AA and him having issues legal/personal because of addiction but has been sober now for over a year. They have never gone to AA together. She has attended the same group he is in now a handful of times in the past, but never at the same time. She\u2019s been struggling with alcoholism for a long time and that has been another strong issue for us. She insists she wanted to protect his privacy, things he\u2019s shared with her in confidence, and that it\u2019s an AA thing, yet she\u2019s already broken that rule and explained the basics, and has already offered her phone to me after the whole movie ordeal when they likely would have already had these conversations (she told me about them before the movie).\n\nSo to that, I call BS. I could give shitall about what he\u2019s going through. That matters none to me. I wouldn\u2019t judge him on that basis and she knows that. We\u2019ve also been together for 6 years and she\u2019s never not shared everything about everyone with me. I can only speculate but my guess is some trauma bonding and he may have been flirting and she let that go on. Idk\n\nTo the people calling my insecurities my own problem, yes I understand that, but they were born out of broken trust by her to begin with and I don\u2019t see asking for transparency as a way to finally put that issue to bed to be a bad thing. It certainly is an invasion of privacy, but after 6 years that wall should at least have a door to knock on and that\u2019s all I did, was knock.\n\nBetween therapy and watching a lot of relationship counseling podcasts, that\u2019s been a definitive step. Asking your partner for their devices while sharing your own and breaking down those walls to be able to rebuild trust. I followed their advice and went for it. I explained how we needed everything on the table in order to build something new. She refused. \n\nShe\u2019s also not without her own insecurities and I believe they\u2019re primarily fueled by alcoholism and the narcissism that comes along with that. As an example, she actually went through my phone without me knowing just a year earlier and didn\u2019t find anything to back up her insecurities. She later admitted to me that she had, and tried to twist an actual innocent conversation I had. There was nothing there. Also, a friend of mine died recently back in my hometown which is an hour and a half drive away. I tried to go up there for a couple days to see friends and family. She wouldn\u2019t have been able to go, so she made me feel guilty about that and when I called out that use of guilt she nearly ended our relationship and I ended up not going and still haven\u2019t been able to make the time to go grieve my friend. She had a close friend of hers pass just two days after mine and that has swallowed her up the last few weeks and I\u2019ve just been in support mode. \n\nThe bombing and begging continues, but I\u2019m trying to take some space from her to process and think of the next steps. This isn\u2019t something I can easily walk away from. We\u2019ve been building a life together. I\u2019m like a father to her kids, and we have a great family and friends dynamic that mean a great deal to me. I\u2019m unsure if this is definitively at its end, but that\u2019s the way I\u2019m leaning. I just don\u2019t know if that trust can be rebuilt now.\n\nPotentially, if we did put everything on the table, went to counseling together as I have suggested to her a few times in the recent past, and she once and for all gave up drinking, there could be something there. I firmly believe we are all capable of making mistakes and can make up for them, both parties just need to be willing. \n\nThe alcohol issue, to clarify, is daily consumption. She\u2019ll wake up with a baby wine next to the bed to start the day and will just drink all day. She\u2019s usually more clear in the mornings/early afternoon, but as the day goes on the narcissism creeps in and she\u2019s impossible to have serious conversations with. She had quit for about five months a little over a year ago, and that was the healthiest our relationship had ever been. The narcissism disappeared, we could actually talk to each other and she was considerate. I\u2019m not opposed to drinking, just her reliance on it and how that affects our relationship and her relationship with the kids. \n\nWe are supposed to talk tonight and figure out the next steps. I have a foot out the door and still am not decided on which way to go, but I\u2019m leaning out.\n\nWhat do you guys think?\n\nFinal update in the comments",
+      "timestamp": 1754001275.0,
+      "upvotes": 522,
+      "num_comments": 247
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1dt5dst",
+      "score": 15.0,
+      "title": "Update 1: My (28F) best friend (28F) kissed my husband (27M) and it\u2019s destroying me. How do I proceed?",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1dt5dst/update_1_my_28f_best_friend_28f_kissed_my_husband/",
+      "content": "After reading a lot of the comments, I realized that it was possible that my husband was having an affair with my best friend and he knew about the camera and acted accordingly to make sure I didn\u2019t suspect an affair. Her running out of the house crying, my husband showing me the footage before I asked, and his lovebombing would all make sense if he was cheating with my best friend. I can\u2019t be with a cheater and I had to make sure my husband was loyal to me. On a side note, I made sure that my husband was okay and well after being forcibly kissed and he said he was fine and he didn\u2019t \u201cfeel\u201d assaulted and it was just a kiss. He said that he was just worried about me because he knew how much this friendship meant to me.\n\nOver the weekend, I looked through my husband\u2019s phone and laptop while he was doing yard work. Both of us have full access to each other\u2019s phones and I didn\u2019t find anything out of the ordinary in my husband\u2019s phone. I checked his messages, WhatsApp, social media and deleted messages folder. There was nothing suspicious on his phone or laptop. This morning after my husband left to go to work, I arranged for our next door neighbors, a friendly, elderly couple, to watch the girls for  a couple of hours and I went to my best friend\u2019s place without telling her I was coming. She works afternoon shifts so I knew she would be there in the morning. She let me in and she seemed scared and I demanded to know the truth. She said that she had always been really attracted to my husband and she had tried making advances before but my husband always just shut her down. She admitted to being jealous of me and my perfect life with my husband. I should have seen the signs earlier. When our firstborn was learning to speak, my best friend would always try to get her to call her \u201cmama\u201d. When she held our daughter for the first time, she \u201caccidentally\u201d sat in my husband\u2019s lap. She has been trying to replace me for years and I never noticed and my husband kept rejecting her advances because he only wanted me. She said that she had drank more than she should have at the barbecue and she decided to try her luck when she saw my husband was going inside alone. I forced her to show her phone as well and again, there was nothing implying an affair and all the messages appeared to line up with my husband\u2019s phone so I knew there was nothing deleted or manipulated. She apologized profusely and asked me to not end our friendship over this. I told her that she\u2019s nothing to me and she could have been happy for me and I treated her like a sister all these years just for her to try and steal my life.\n\nNow, I know for sure that my husband never cheated, the guilt for doubting him is eating me up. If I tell him that I snooped through his phone and laptop and met up with my ex best friend to verify that he wasn\u2019t cheating, it\u2019s going to impact our marriage and he\u2019ll be very disappointed in me for not trusting him and if anything, he will lose his trust in me. If I don\u2019t tell him, the guilt is going to continue eating me up. I\u2019ve never lied or kept secrets from him before and I don\u2019t want to start now but this is an impossible choice. He\u2019s only ever shown me how much he loves and cherishes me and he doesn\u2019t deserve to be betrayed like this. \n\nI will update more when I tell him the truth. \n\nUpdate: I told my husband everything, that I looked through his phone and laptop and that I confronted ex best friend. I showed him both Reddit posts and told him that even the few comments that speculated that he was having an affair made me paranoid and I acted on it. I apologized to him for doubting him and thanked him for always being an amazing husband and always turning down her advances and for spoiling me, especially when I was down. He said that he understands and he said he should have told me earlier about her trying her luck earlier. \n\nI\u2019m also starting therapy next week to figure out my paranoia and trust issues, process the end of my friendship, and in general try to get into a better mental space so I can be better as an individual, wife, and mother. \n\nEdit 2: That post pretending to be my husband is not my husband. ",
+      "timestamp": 1719871297.0,
+      "upvotes": 6386,
+      "num_comments": 1080
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "9kpysk",
+      "score": 15.0,
+      "title": "FINAL UPDATE - My (24F) best friend (24F) says I owe her everything I have, including my boyfriend",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9kpysk/final_update_my_24f_best_friend_24f_says_i_owe/",
+      "content": "Previous post   \n[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\\_advice/comments/9j5ig0/update\\_my\\_24f\\_best\\_friend\\_24f\\_says\\_i\\_owe\\_her/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9j5ig0/update_my_24f_best_friend_24f_says_i_owe_her/)\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI said I'd come back if anything relevant happened!\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEX-BF kept trying to get in touch through common friends. They kept asking me to unblock him and at least hear him out, cause he was really sorry, he loved me, he was a mess, he didn't mean to, someone even went as far as to ask me if I was really sure it happened. They offered to send me prints of texts where he was talking about me, so I'd see how he always had great things to say and how much he cared. But I've had it with the print screen drama for life, and said no. To the ones who insisted I told them I wasn't unblocking him, had nothing to say or hear, and if they kept pushing me, I'd block them too.\n\nI ran into EX BF at this book thing I go to often (hobby of mine). Maybe I'm being presumptuous, but I think he went there for me. He didn't really have any business there, but I'm just speculating really. He asked if I had a few minutes for coffee, I said I was late (lie). He walked me to my car. He looked so good, smelled great. He was so sweet. Was even wearing his hair the way I like it. I fell horrible cause even after everything, I still like him. He apologized some more, said he knew I needed time and space but asked if I'd consider giving him another chance cause he would wait for me. Said he would never talk to Jessie again, and would act like they had restraining orders against each other. And I just found it really funny how everything he was saying required me trusting him. Which I don't. So I told him I wasn't interested anymore and he should move on. I wish I said something snappier or wittier. But I had nothing.\n\nThis was saturday, I haven't heard from him or friends since. I think that was that. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nJessie also kept trying to talk to me. Like I told some of you on comments, I had a trip coming up, it would have been me, Jessie, EX BF, and a few friends. Since Jessie couldn't afford it, my parents payed for most of her expenses. She must have remembered this right after everything went down and panicked cause I had everything (vouchers, confirmations emails, credit card info...). She went CRAZY. Even showed up at my place (I wasn't home and my roommate told her to fuck off, exact words). I didn't block her at first cause I admit I was having some fun watching her despair.\n\nI talked to my mom and she was amazing. Told me I should cancel everything even if it costed us money, it was fine. So I did. And for one last bit of print screen drama: I printed all the emails I got confirming cancellations and sent those to Jessie with the word \"bye\" before blocking her.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy roommate has been amazing. We were never really close and now I don't even know why. She cancelled plans with her friends to stay with me and invited me to go out with them next weekend.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nA few of you suggested I see a therapist and I did, yesterday. I really liked it. It was just one appointment and I mostly just talked, but it felt good. She gave me \"homework\": she talked a little about unhealthy and abusive relationships and asked me to think about my friendship with Jessie and try to point what was healthy and what was unhealthy about it. Made me realize she was never really my friend. She was taking advantage of me for years and she even had me thanking her for it. Therapist also told me about this saying (I think that's what it is) called \"The Narcissist's Prayer\", which goes something like \"That didn't happen. If it did, it wasn't my fault. If it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, then you deserved it\", which is totally how Jessie is handling this whole thing now.\n\nSo good riddance indeed\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAnd a final piece of gossip. \"Pete\" talked to me yesterday (he is checking up sometimes, he's a good guy. Again, he is gay, in case someone is still thinking this might turn into a romantic comedy) he said Jessie was super sure that since I broke things off, she and Dean would hook up right away. But apparently he doesn't have the same plans and that freaked her out over the weekend. Pete says he really is a mess and went out drinking hard 4 nights in a row to the point he had to be carried home by his pals. And yesterday, they all went out for lunch at this burger place, Jessie was going to run her fingers through his hair or something and he just pushed her away and told her to stop and to never touch him again. (Great that **now** he manages to do that, huh?)\n\nI guess in the end he really did like me in his sick way. The thing is, I don't want to be with someone who likes me in a sick way. I want to be with someone who likes me in a healthy way. I thin I deserve that.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI am also thinking about taking the money I got back from the trip to go somewhere else by myself. Haven't decided though.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAnyway, this will be the final update on this, since it is unlikely that I will have anything new to add\n\nNow, I think I just need time to heal and let go, you know?\n\nI might come back in a few months if there is reason to do a \"yay life is awesome now\" post, but I wanted to post this update now cause I wanted to end this whole story on a bright note. And, of course, thank you all again!! You are the best!!\n\n&#x200B;\n\n tldr It's all good. As well as could be, anyway! Thank's Reddit!",
+      "timestamp": 1538481552.0,
+      "upvotes": 8301,
+      "num_comments": 432
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "g3lawr",
+      "score": 15.0,
+      "title": "We haven\u2019t been able to contact a friend in our friend group for over a week. He lives alone and we\u2019re in a lockdown. Should we be worried?",
+      "sub": "Advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/g3lawr/we_havent_been_able_to_contact_a_friend_in_our/",
+      "content": "Update: Hi everyone, I'm overwhelmed by the interest and responses to this post (even if at least half of the responses were RemindMe bot requests).\n\nI messaged a mutual friend of ours (one that's not in our friend group) yesterday and she replied saying that she'd send him a text message. I got a message from her again today letting me know that they've had a chat and he's okay and that she's thankful that I'm looking out for him.\n\nI'm really glad he's okay, but a little bit confused and a little bit sad I guess, as to why he very suddenly went zero contact and distanced himself from our friend group. I'm wondering if maybe he just wants some space for a bit. I don't really want to do a lot of speculation otherwise.\n\nI let the others in our friend group know that he's okay.\n\nI sent him another text message letting him know that I'm glad he's okay, and that I'm here whenever he wants to reach out, but that it's also okay if he doesn't want to.\n\nI'll be happy if he responds but, now that we know he's okay, I will give him space until he feels ready.\n\n--- \n\nHi reddit. We have a friend, male in his early-mid 30s who has been an active member in our friend group (8 of us altogether) for some time. Before the lockdown, we\u2019d all see each other once a week or fortnight and we would also all regularly chat in our Facebook group chat.\n\nDuring the pandemic, he lost his job but he told us that he ended up getting work with a previous employer so as far as we know, he\u2019s still under employment, we just don\u2019t know where. We assume he would be working from home as a software developer.\n\nWe noticed that lately he hadn\u2019t been posting in our group chat, and the last time messenger says he \u201csaw\u201d our messages was on April 9th. We also have a Facebook group that he\u2019s active in that we\u2019re all members of, and the last time we could see a comment from him was also on the 9th.\n\nOne of us messaged him privately a few days ago and he hadn\u2019t replied. She called him as well but the phone will ring until it reaches voicemail. Another of us rang him yesterday and got the same result. I also tried ringing him today with the same result. Sent him a text message with no reply. I can\u2019t tell if he\u2019s seen it.\n\nIt\u2019s hard to go to his place right now because 1) we have a semi-lockdown in our city and 2) he lives in an apartment, we know the address but not which unit number he\u2019s in.\n\nWe\u2019re not sure what to do. He could be just busy with work and avoiding social media, or maybe he\u2019s ghosting us for some reason that we don\u2019t know of (he hasn\u2019t blocked us or anything we can still see his profile).\n\nIs this worth contacting police over? We\u2019re all starting to get a bit worried but we don\u2019t want to unintentionally escalate it if it\u2019s nothing.",
+      "timestamp": 1587204971.0,
+      "upvotes": 1086,
+      "num_comments": 244
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1ogdhep",
+      "score": 15.0,
+      "title": "Bf left after seeing ex's engagement post",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1ogdhep/bf_left_after_seeing_exs_engagement_post/",
+      "content": "Okay so, I (25F) have been dating my boyfriend (30M) for a little over two years now. We just moved in together a few months ago. Last night we were doomscrolling on insta reels and his ex's post popped up abt her getting engaged\n\nI don't rly know much about their relationship in detail other than her cheating on my bf with her current fiance while she was engaged to my bf (they were together for 5 yrs and it's been 3.5 yrs since they broke up), so ik that it didn't end well with them and it's just a sour topic so i never rly bring it up. I don\u2019t follow her but she's kind of famous on insta as she is a food vlogger and I watch a lot of that content that's y she popped up.\n\nAnyways when he saw it he like froze and became tense i asked him if everything was ok and he said yeah but i asked if that he looked tense because of the post he just brushed it off and rolled over to go to sleep and then thing is we didn't even rly cuddle when we cuddle like almost every night when going to sleep.\n\nI woke up around 2 a.m. and he was gone. Like, completely gone.  he was nowhere in our house. I called him, like, 10 ,15 times. No answer ,Phone was switched off. I even called one of his friends, and they had no clue where he was. I was thinking of calling his mom but ik she would have blown his phone up so i decided to wait and call my frnd she also suggested to wait a few hours so i did\n\nThen around 3:30 ish  he finally calls me back,i ask him wtf is he doing And he just says I'm fine pls don't call me rn ill explain later and he hangs up b4 i could say anything properly\n\nI tried calling again obviously bcoz what does that even mean like I don't get why he would even be upset about that post seeing they broke up so long ago I can't imagine leaving your gf over this at night. He didn't explicitly say anything abt the reason he went off but I'm pretty sure it's bcoz of the post. I stopped calling him after a few times as hes not going to pick up i rly don't know what to do.\n\nThings have been good with us until now this is the first time i have ever felt like I'm being betrayed by him. I don't even know where he is . Should I leave him alone and give him space I just feel sick abt this situation.\n\nTldr- bf left in middle of night after finding his ex got engaged and is not responding to me\n\nUpdate-\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/BBZhLPoYPW\n\nPosting again bcoz previous update post got removed for some reason.\n\n\nHey guys,\nFirst of all, thank you to everyone who commented , I didn\u2019t expect so many people to respond, and honestly, reading through your messages kept me from spiraling even more.\n\nI tried to go back to sleep after the post. He did come back around 6 am .he looked like shit cuz ig he hadn't slept. He had just been driving around according to him. I didn't even know what to say to him luckily he was the one who talked first. He apologized a lot of times for running away and for ignoring my calls. I obv asked him wtf happened and why he would ditch me like that and abt his ex. He told me he had a panic attack and he didn't want me to witness it so he went to his car and after that he drove off . He explained that it wasn't bcoz he wasn't over her and that he never wanted her back(i asked him if he was still in love w her). He said it just happened after seeing that pic of them together and happy, he said he depressed after everything went down w his ex but he thought he was fine when he started dating me and that he has been rly happy.\n\nBut he panicked bcoz it hit him that she was actually happy and their break up hasn't affected her like it has him seeing she was with the guy she cheated on my bf with and he started overthinking that what if he could never be happy like that when  getting engaged again and getting married to me.\n\nI was honestly a bit shocked at first bcoz we had talked abt how he would love to marry me someday and I didn't rly understand how to comprehend this info but we talked for like 2 hours and he was genuinely sry and he doesn't seem like he's not over her. \n\nHe did say he wants to find that kind of happiness with me and he wants that future with me and he apologized again for being an asshole. I made it clear to him if he ever runs off like that we r done and he agreed and honestly we were both kind of crying by the end of our Convo and i also blocked his ex on my insta (he already had her blocked b4 anyone speculates)\n\nI think i could forgive him. Thank you again for all your help the comments helped a lot. We might try therapy.\n\nTldr- he came back and we talked abt how he had a panick attack thinking if could be as happy as her and we resolved it out.\n\n\n\n",
+      "timestamp": 1761460013.0,
+      "upvotes": 571,
+      "num_comments": 205
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "3cd6d2",
+      "score": 15.0,
+      "title": "[UPDATE] Me [22F] with my boyfriend [24M] and his personal boundaries with his \"work girlfriend\" [21F]",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3cd6d2/update_me_22f_with_my_boyfriend_24m_and_his/",
+      "content": "you can read my previous post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3aor6c/me_22f_with_my_boyfriend_24m_and_his_personal/\n\ntdlr of first post: Boyfriend has been hanging out with girl from work, downloaded snapchat for her and didn't for me when I asked, and is going to ditch my family's party to pick her up from the airport, says he's just being nice. \n\nFirst off, I want to say thank you to everyone who read and commented on the post. I read all of them even if I didn't reply. I've been really busy since I posted that so I didn't have time to update but some of you guys PM'd me for an update. \n\nI sat down with my boyfriend the morning after I posted that and asked him about his relationship with his coworker and how I felt like he wasn't being friendly with her but overly flirtatious and that it was weird and suspicious and that I saw his texts about him picking her up and it DID NOT sit well with me at all especially since he never planned on telling me and that he was going to leave my family's event early. \n\nHe looked annoyed but eventually admitted to me that he developed a crush on her because she was the opposite of me and was fun and easy to talk to and I wasn't. Also that she put effort into her appearance and I didn't. I admit that I got really upset after this and refused to talk to him so I left and went to my best friend's house after that for the night. He didn't even text or call. \n\nMy best friend and her boyfriend were freaking amazing, they ordered some wings, told me that they never really liked him because he always seemed lukewarm to me like I was just a friend, and watched some hulu with me.\n\nI remember when I was younger, my mom had gotten out of a really bad relationship and told me to never settle for someone who didn't look at me like I put the stars in the sky. Seeing how awesome and amazing my best friend's boyfriend was to me (even when he could have easily left) and how they were to each other just made me realize I was better off single than to be with someone who would rather put more effort into a crush than into a year and a half live-in relationship. \n\nIn the morning, I went back and he was sitting on the couch. He asked if I was feeling better (????) and if I still needed more space (?????). I told him that I wanted to break up and that I would be moving out soon. I said that I would pay for my half of next month's rent. He didn't even look FAZED. He just nodded and got up to leave. \nI was trying my absolute hardest to be stoic about it but it kind of failed after I saw how nonchalant he was.\n\nI don't know if he went to pick her up or not but I went to my family's event and tried to have a good time even with all of the questions about where he was. \n\nI've been packing and moving back in with my parents during the times I know he's at work. We haven't even talked since besides to talk about financial stuff and housing situations. I've been fighting the urge to really cuss him out and just to ask WHY he seems SO neutral about this when I've really been a huge wreck but I've always been a firm believer in living well is the best revenge. \n\nI've been trying to keep busy to keep my mind off of it but it sucks a lot sometimes, especially at night. \n\nSorry if this dragged on, it just felt good to write it all out. \n\nTLDR; He admitted he had a crush on her, compared me to her, I woke up and smelt the flowers and dumped him and in the process of moving out. \n",
+      "timestamp": 1436227689.0,
+      "upvotes": 751,
+      "num_comments": 100
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1jw6mzq",
+      "score": 15.0,
+      "title": "My brother didn\u2019t get me food when I was sick. Today, I didn\u2019t forget.",
+      "sub": "self",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1jw6mzq/my_brother_didnt_get_me_food_when_i_was_sick/",
+      "content": "Me and my brother have a great relationship.\nFor some god awful reason he occasionally makes decisions that he wouldn\u2019t normally do and his behavior does a 180z \n\nI was sick one day and felt super shitty. I couldn\u2019t find anything to eat that would fill me up properly. It was terrible trying to scrounge up enough to eat before needing to rest. \n\nI remembered my brother was available to get me food and something from the pharmacy. No brainer.\nHe seemed very bothered and irritated when I asked, even knowing I was sick. He all but told me to fuck off. I couldn\u2019t believe that this shit still happens. The person that never hesitated to pay full meals for me on a daily basis. Why the 180 treatment now?\n\nI told him when he\u2019s sick I\u2019m gonna throw the exact same shit back at him. The anger whipped out the \u201csave\u201d option and burned it into my soul to bring up later.\n\nSince then he\u2019d been his great caring self. Lent money to him, which he\u2019s payed back, listened to him through his breakup. Worked together well to solve my issues. Today he was sick and asked me to get him food while making it obvious he\u2019s forgotten about what he did to me.\n\nI calmly told him if he remembered what I told him last time. Nope?\nI slowwwly and condescendingly told him that I definitely had not forgotten. That I needed him and he cruelly refused to be there for me while having a rude ass attitude.\n\n\u201cOh\u201d and he leaves. He\u2019s currently on an empty stomach and he can fuck off for today. Being sick that day really sucked.\n\nEdit: This surprisingly got more attention.\nPeople are really black and white critical here.\nYou\u2019ll come to lose people and in some cases even witness friends losing siblings. Ones that only wished they\u2019d remained in contact but chose not to speak to each other. Others wake up crying because they had dreams of their sibling but couldn\u2019t recall how it felt to touch them. You get your only sibling/s and that\u2019s it for the rest of time and space.\n\nDefining your sibling relationships over something this like this is the dumbest waste of time and energy you can do.",
+      "timestamp": 1744313750.0,
+      "upvotes": 1116,
+      "num_comments": 98
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1ctf9nu",
+      "score": 15.0,
+      "title": "How do people just move on so fast?",
+      "sub": "self",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1ctf9nu/how_do_people_just_move_on_so_fast/",
+      "content": "I had a bf. Who ghosted me about three weeks ago and now has a brand new gf. and i found out through the update of his whatsapp profile pic. How the fuck can someone lack so much empathy? and how the fuck do u move on so fast from a three year relationship mind you. i just don\u2019t understand. \n\nEDIT: It seems like some of you want a little context, we were together for three years in what became an LDR. I always visited him and it felt amazing when we were together. He couldn't visit me bc he didn't have a VISA. He had broken up with me before but he would always break no contact, apologize, and we would get back together. Hes very loving everytime we owould be back and would call everyday and so would I. There was always an i love you and there was always a good morning and a good night. I truly love and care for him, and to me he seemed perfect. Just before the ghosting he talked about living together and getting a little more serious.\n\nI know there is speculation about both sides, but truly i really don't know what happened. He said he was busy with Uni (which I understand and gave him space) and then asked if we could talk and then he disappeared. \n\nHis ghosting was really shocking to me considering that in two months, I will be moving back to the same city. To me it seems like it was indecisiveness, or maybe even (like some of you have said) he was cheating. He has cheated before (story is, is that it was just a kiss) but it was two years ago. Either way, thank you for the kind words and it will be a hard few months ahead but hopefully i'll be ok. \n\nAnd I hope that he treats the new girl well and better than what I got.\n\nEDIT 2: Hey guys, thank you to those who offered advice and empathy. English is not my first language and I guess my wording was a bit strange and has been fixed. I am still hurting and I will be moving on even though my heart doesn\u2019t desire to. I think some comments were harsh bjt also definitely what i needed to hear. Maybe he moved on or maybe you were a safety net, yeah that hurt. Im the type of person that is very sincere and genuine with the things that I do and when i feel that something isn\u2019t working, i am the type to talk about it. When people stay quiet, i know something is wrong and I ask but i don\u2019t press for an answer. I am in therapy, and was told that sometimes silence is an answer. Anyways, I would love to reply to everyone, but thats a little much. I\u2019ve read all the comments little by little, and I do feel better. Angry, but better. Again thank you and bless you all. Even the negative comments.",
+      "timestamp": 1715872376.0,
+      "upvotes": 274,
+      "num_comments": 270
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "62r1we",
+      "score": 12.0,
+      "title": "I got banned from /r/latestagecapitalism because I said feminism is toxic to males UNDER FUCKING CAPITALISM.",
+      "sub": "TrueOffMyChest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/62r1we/i_got_banned_from_rlatestagecapitalism_because_i/",
+      "content": "So I've got this favorite subreddit called /r/latestagecapitalism. It's got a lot of Marxist views about why capitalism is bad, and it's very much the truth. The other day, I got banned for this comment:\n\n>>By supporting capitalism? Social democracy is an enemy of communism.\n\n>Yeah, I don't think I care to settle for the commodification of life anymore. The entire nonsensical battle of the sexes has a lot to do with masculinity being tied to our productive value. That means as \"feminism\" empowers women, men are actually having their livelihood destroyed in ways that increase mental illness and suicide, or so I would speculate. I don't care to perpetuate these institutions**[meaning social democracy]**, particularly knowing how difficult it would be to gain any ground against capitalism right now.\n\nI messaged the mods when the sub had been commandeered by some fascist, and had quite a long and sincere message to share:\n\n>I had a feeling I'd get banned over this. Considering this is my favorite sub, am I at least allowed to defend myself? \n\n>I specifically support communism and sexual liberation to end the objectification of men over their labor commodity as well as to end the objectification of women over their sexual commodity.\n\n>If someone took issue with my \"feminism\" quotation marks, I was referring to it in the diverse ideological sense that's being twisted into positives and negatives, much like the term \"liberal.\" \n\n>I think *a great deal* about the psychosexual dynamic between males and females specifically because I consider myself a pure humanist and seek to completely removed myself from irrational bias.\n\n>In the case of men and women, males are *inherently* the aggressors, and they're seen through the evolutionary lens that highlights them as predators. Men don't receive a natural compassionate tone, as tends to be the case for women, who are naturally protected.\n\n>Because I'm a humanist, there is no right or wrong, only what exists. If males are inherently aggressive, it's an aggression that got us to where we are today. Since I believe there's a *concrete* sexual imbalance between males and females, \"feminism\" can often be fatally emasculating.\n\n>In particular, with regard to society in its modern state. If feminism \"succeeds\" under capitalism and fully empowers women in every way that traditionally gets argued, men will be incredibly disadvantaged due to their natural empowerment by capitalist survival by assertiveness, manipulation, etc.\n\n>As I've theorized and plan on putting into full writing before long, to be specific, feminism is the polar opposite of libertarianism/capitalism according to the psychosexual dynamic. I despise libertarianism and fully support empowering women, but this is logically because females are in the innate position as the weak defender, whereas males are the overt attackers. \n\n>As a humanist, I *must* despise the attacker, but can I truly despise the attacker if that level of assertiveness is the greatest asset of one half of humanity? \n\n>While capitalism allows men this arena to compete and self-actualize, at least *well before* the \"late stage,\" feminism empowers women *on top of* their status as the protected, albeit quite often *repressed* sex. Because of the imbalanced powers between the two, feminism under capitalism automatically leads women to skew the dynamic.\n\n>Consider women making less money per dollar. Whether true or \"fake news\" or whatever anyone will or won't say of it, it makes logical sense, to me, that it would arise due to the psychosexual dynamic. This is harmful and seemingly illogical, but the logic exists, as men assert themselves and strive more directly for that capitalistic end. Men seek the female sexual commodity, and women often accept those efforts. Men, therefore, strive to prove themselves economically. Of course, this entire scenario is based on the female sexual commodity, just as much as it's based on the patriarchal capitalist system.\n\n>Under capitalism, for feminism to be logical, in my view, it would require \"empowering\" women to capitalize on their sexual commodity through prostitution. At the same time, men would be allowed to achieve a late-stage-capitalism-tier wage and still occasionally indulge in the female sexual commodity. At the very least, this would allow males to avoid mass shootings or suicide when they realize they aren't nearly productive enough to attract a mate. Otherwise, feminism seems to lack the balance of empowering jobless men into dating these labor-empowered women.\n\n>Point being, fuck capitalism. The fact that capitalism is making feminism into a bad thing, by my logic, is only a clearer insight into the depravity of commodifying human beings. End the unfair empowerment of men under capitalism, and end the female sexual commodity by ending the thought that a female is in any way lessened in her value due to sexuality. \n\nResponse from the fascist, who I think may have somehow deleted the response was:\n\n>lmao did you seriously think we were going to read all that\n\n>You have been temporarily muted from r/LateStageCapitalism. You will not be able to message the moderators of r/LateStageCapitalism for 72 hours.\n\nSo after that wait period, I ask if I can be unbanned, not realizing my long response may have somehow been deleted from the mod mail or whatever. I say:\n\n>So... Considering my recent ban from this favorite sub of mine was from when it had been commandeered, I was wondering if I could be unbanned. Hm?\n\nAnd get the response:\n\n>\"Yeah, I don't think I care to settle for the commodification of life anymore. The entire nonsensical battle of the sexes has a lot to do with masculinity being tied to our productive value. That means as \"feminism\" empowers women, men are actually having their livelihood destroyed in ways that increase mental illness and suicide, or so I would speculate. I don't care to perpetuate these institutions, particularly knowing how difficult it would be to gain any ground against capitalism right now.\"\n\n>no. you may not be unbanned. feminism benefits both men and women.\n\n>You have been temporarily muted from r/LateStageCapitalism. You will not be able to message the moderators of r/LateStageCapitalism for 72 hours.\n\nWhelp, that's fucking it, folks. It turns out the imbalanced psycho-sexual dynamic with regard to a complex and imbalanced socio-economic system is a simple black and white equation. Who would have thought?\n\nFuck fascism disguised as positive sexism. /r/TechnoComRenaissance. I've got my own sub now. Where we won't need blackjack or hookers with all the robotic, bisexual, space communist, amoral, passionate sex we'll be having.",
+      "timestamp": 1491027063.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 11
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1n2k91v",
+      "score": 10.0,
+      "title": "My (31F) husband (45M) is upset that my coworker invited me for birthday drinks",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1n2k91v/my_31f_husband_45m_is_upset_that_my_coworker/",
+      "content": "I (31, about to be 32F) have been married to Carl (45M) since 2018. We are British and American respectfully, and we've each had a turn being in each other's countries. I lived in the US for about three years while we unsuccessfully pursued a marriage visa, and in the last few years, Carl has been staying in the UK six months on and six months off. \n\nFor various reasons he hasn't been over here for my birthday the last few times. This year he is. We haven't really discussed plans for Saturday itself. I got us a cheesecake to share and I plan to spend the day with him as well as seeing my family from out of town. We've been having slight marital issues but can't afford a counsellor rn, and just trying to make it work. (including this in case it's relevant.)\n\nAlso in the last two years I've held a customer-service job close to home. (C cannot work atm due to visa restrictions and health issues). I used to have a coworker called Adrian (39M). Although I'm friendly with all my colleagues, Adrian and I got on really well. He was easy to work with and understanding when I'd get emotional or overwhelmed for pre-existing mental health reasons. We have a shared sense of humour and he's never been creepy with me or indicated any romantic interest. He was also married with two kids. \n\nIn December last year, his wife asked for a divorce, and I lost my grandfather. It actually happened on the same day, and we did our best to listen and support each other. I admit it's hard for me to find friends or connect to people outside of work, so I was glad we could show up mutually as friends. Adrian also started seeing another woman, Sally, who has her own kids, and AFAIK they're still dating. When Carl went into hospital for gallstones, Adrian offered more support and even bought us some of Carl's favourite sodas. \n\nI'd say Carl is insecure about this friendship. He says I bring up Carl more than any other coworkers (which I'm not sure is true? He also used to say I talked about work in general too much so I try not to). And he thinks the soda gift might have been a ploy to make himself appear more \u201cnice\u201d and attractive to me. I told Adrian about this and he said he'd stop. \n\nA month ago Adrian left to pursue another job. It hasn't really been the same without him but I've kept in touch, sending memes etc and doing life updates. On one occasion, I bumped into him in town, as it turns out he lives near the hair salon I go to. He gave me a quick car ride to another store; I told Carl and he seemed OK with that. \n\nNow I'm going to turn 32 on Saturday, and Adrian invited me to go for a drink, on the afternoon before my birthday. I'd like to, and I know his soon-to-be ex and I share a birthday, so she'll almost certainly be having the kids. I told Carl about this, speculating that maybe Adrian could do with some distraction at a time like this. This might be where I fucked up, because Carl did not like this information. \n\nHe went away, clearly uncomfortable, so I followed him downstairs to discuss further. This turned into an argument where he said I'm not considering how weird this whole thing is. He says if Adrian needs distraction, why doesn't he spend time with Sally? Why not invite her, or even Carl? And if I want to see Adrian more, doesn't the run-in the other day count? \n\nI've been trying to reassure Carl that Adrian is just a friend, but he says I'm not considering his point of view or how it makes him feel, and that I'm making excuses. He doesn't know what I can do to make it better and that I should have given him space the first time he walked off this afternoon. I know he's suspicious of Adrian, and insecure about *us* as we haven't been intimate in a long time for health reasons. Carl's also hurt that he's here for my birthday for the first time in two years, and I'd rather run off to drink with an old coworker. I reminded him it was the day before, and he called that another deflection. \n\nHe's suggested I post this in my own words so that Reddit can judge, and tell me something I might be missing. I offered not to go meet Adrian at all but he's dismissed that idea too. Really feeling conflicted. Yes, Adrian and I are the opposite sex but I don't really have other friends locally that I'd go for drinks with. We're both being pretty defensive and could do with an outside opinion.",
+      "timestamp": 1756405849.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 40
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1l20gvj",
+      "score": 10.0,
+      "title": "Update: I (28F) freaked out about my bf\u2019s (30m) fetish/request and broke up with him. He wants to explain even if we don\u2019t get back together. Is there any good explanations for what he wanted?",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1l20gvj/update_i_28f_freaked_out_about_my_bfs_30m/",
+      "content": "Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/niZuP1pfOP\n\nI can\u2019t get back into my old throwaway after logging out due to being overwhelmed.\n\nAnyway here are some things i saw over and over so I wanted to address them.\n\n1. I do not believe he was grooming me or had been \u201cplotting\u201d.\n\nIf he was grooming me he would be really bad at it because he went from just beyond vanilla to extreme in 5 seconds, as opposed to gradually escalating. This is just speculation, but that\u2019s my takeaway. Maybe he thought this is all it would take, or all it took in the past, but obviously it did not work this time. \n\nI didn\u2019t think he had been \u201cplotting\u201d with his friends. What I wanted to know was whether there was something unspoken in any of the interactions I had with him and his friends in that they knew something I didn\u2019t.  I wasn\u2019t thinking they were trying to trick me or anything, I\u2019m just wildly uncomfortable with the idea that this could have been something they had previously discussed or engaged in and I was sitting there oblivious. I don\u2019t need to know everyone\u2019s secrets but if it\u2019s about me, my boyfriend should tell me what\u2019s going on.\n\nWith both those things said, people commented and messaged these things happening to them, pestering, poking, begging, and they ended up in situations where they were taken advantage of horribly. I literally cried reading some of them and while I don\u2019t know that this is what would\u2019ve happened, and I don\u2019t think it would have been, if any girl is going though this do not do anything you won\u2019t be okay with 5 years from now when he could be a memory and not a presence in your life. Also, don\u2019t protect your partner\u2019s secrets over your own safety, tell someone you trust so they can keep an eye on you if you do get into something like this.\n\n2 I am not kink shaming. I do not care what your kinks are. I do not judge. I will not participate in things I am against but I understand that each person will approach sex differently.\n\nI did not kink shame him either. I shamed him personally, but not the kink. Someone will take issue with me admitting to shaming him. I am okay with that.\n\nWhat he asked was inappropriate for us and me, based on what I have told and shown him about myself. \n\nI spent a long time trying to come up with a metaphor and this was the best I could do:\n\nImagine you\u2019re a vegan animal rights activist and animals are your passion. Your partner may not feel the way you do but so far they\u2019ve respected and supported it, being cognizant of the way consuming animal products might make you feel and not just making space for you to do activities that make a difference for animals but celebrating you doing that. You\u2019ve never felt someone really got you until now, or had only made patronizing efforts to get in your pants. Now you feel you have a partner that\u2019s proud of you and loves that you feel so strongly about things.\n\nThen one day he suggests a romantic weekend trip and you\u2019re excited to hear what he has to say, and he tells you he wants you both to go hunting.\n\nIs hunting wrong in a vacuum? No. Is hunting the right idea for someone who so passionately cares about animals? Fuck no. Should their partner who has shown their support and understanding up until that point suggest something that fundamentally violates the things she holds most dear or should he punch himself in the leg until the thought goes away? The latter.\n\nThe fact he would suggest something that so clearly goes against what matters to her most feels like he either a. Hasn\u2019t been paying attention or b. Never actually cared. Or c. He\u2019s a fucking idiot.\n\nThere is no good answer, and no matter what it makes me feel stupid for not having seen this coming/trusting him. \n\nAlso, while I agree we should not kink shame, we should not be so defensive about it that we don\u2019t understand that we have a duty to our partners to not put them in a situation where they would feel like they were being asked to give up an important part of themselves for our sexual satisfaction. If you had a partner who was deeply religious you\u2019d know not to ask them to use a crucifix as a dildo without having to hear them say it.\n\n3 why would I be okay with him suggesting a stranger, even if I would still say no, compared to his friends?\n\nBecause in the hypothetical even though we would treat the stranger with dignity and respect, being aware of their boundaries and trying to make sure they also had a good time, whether it\u2019s cucking or a threesome, it would never \u201cbe about\u201d the stranger. It would be about us. The stranger is just a way for us to further explore our relationship. Again, I\u2019d never do any of that, but that\u2019s how I think about it. I also understand the risks of strangers and that it could still blow up the relationship, but since I\u2019ll never do this it exists only as the hypothetical.\n\nBy making it his friend, I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s about the two of us or it\u2019s about the two of them. I don\u2019t feel good about that. Either way, it\u2019s definitely not just about us and my exposure and the emotional and social consequences would destroy me.\n\nI feel very vulnerable when I show all of me to someone and have a physical relationship, and that\u2019s only for that one person, not their friends.\n\nI don\u2019t want them high fiving about me being good or hot. I don\u2019t want to be paranoid about them talking about me being bad or discussing an area of my body I don\u2019t feel the most proud of. I don\u2019t want them to talk about the freckle under my left nipple, I don\u2019t want them to share notes about the way my face looks when I\u2019m experiencing pleasure, I don\u2019t want them to exchange a knowing glance and wonder if it\u2019s about me. I don\u2019t want them critiquing my technique, or my boyfriend to make suggestions based on what he saw when I was with someone else. Typing this out makes me physically uncomfortable but I feel like people really didn\u2019t get it.\n\nI\u2019m not a full prude but I guess I\u2019m more prudish than I thought compared to everyone else, and I\u2019m okay with that. I wanted to say I\u2019m not comfortable being a spectacle, but that\u2019s not exactly true, I used to pose for him while he did his thing but he made me feel so beautiful and sexy that it didn\u2019t feel like I was a source of amusement. it was a shared experience where we each made each other feel the way we wanted to feel. I can\u2019t do that for him or anyone else with someone else in the room especially not with that someone else inside me because it completely changes the way I feel about intimate relationships.\n\nSex is really special to me, it doesn\u2019t have to be to you, but it is to me and I don\u2019t want to change that. I like me. I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m better than anyone, and I definitely don\u2019t feel that way. I just have to guard myself when it comes to sex or I will get hurt because it feels like I\u2019m giving myself to someone, and I need to feel safe, loved, and appreciated.\n\nI want the man I end up with to not be able to stomach the idea of me with someone else. He doesn\u2019t have to start a bar fight because some guy looked at me, but I want him to be emotionally vigilant protecting our relationship.\n\n4 was my outburst unfair, immature, and/or emotional abuse?\n\nThis was one I really tried to think about. To describe exactly how I felt, it was like a cork popped out of me and all the love I had felt both from and for him drained out in an instant. In its absence was a feeling that I had been misled, either knowingly or unknowingly, about the most special parts of our relationship. In essence he was a liar and had been a liar. Even if he woke up that morning and thought of it, we had sex right before he brought it up, that was information I needed to know before we did it then and he lied by omission by not telling me what was on his mind.\n\nStory time: My birthday falls on a major holiday and my parents always told me the fireworks were for my birthday. They thought it was cute, and as an adult I agree, but when I found out they weren\u2019t actually for my birthday I felt like I was being made fun of and had been tricked for their amusement. This was that feeling x100000000. Something that had felt so special to me was not at all what I thought it was.\n\nIt was such a visceral feeling when he brought it up, and he had literally just nutted in me. I was naked with his stuff inside me that he had put there and now he was altering everything I felt about everything we had been. I wanted to be clothed because he had completely lost the right to see my body and now I felt exposed and under a spotlight. I also wanted to scrape every piece of him out of me and throw it at him. That all he got was a tongue lashing feels fair but if it wasn\u2019t, I can\u2019t take it back and I\u2019m not going to apologize when that will open up a dialogue.\n\nA lot of people brought up that the face he makes is manipulation, and I thought of it as a playful overt one until that moment. I know that actually communicating clearly will be what I need in the future and not post-coital. \n\n5 is their trauma in my past that could lead to my feelings or outburst?\n\nI\u2019ve never been cheated on, I\u2019ve never been involved in any form of group sex or even been invited.\n\nThe only thing I can think of: My mom was in and out of the hospital when I was little and no one told me what was going on, they thought they were protecting me, but I always felt like I had no idea what was happening and I desperately wanted to but was too scared to ask. So I do not like the idea that important things that affect me are not being shared in a prompt and transparent manner. \n\nI don\u2019t know if that counts, but I still feel like I would feel that way if that never happened.\n\n6 You would accept cheating or stealing but not group sex?\n\nNo, I would not accept it. I would still break up with them. I was only explaining that I would be willing to hear them out as an act of closure and understanding.\n\nWith all I feel about monogamy and intimacy I\u2019m not naive to the point that I could never end up having a specific instance of infidelity explained to me in a way that wouldn\u2019t lead to me sympathizing. Don\u2019t get me wrong, it\u2019s the worst betrayal you can do to someone 99.9% of the time, but if I heard 1000 cheating stories I could probably understand 5 of them. People drift, people don\u2019t pay proper attention or appreciate what they have, people can be careless in situations and let things get out of hand. I know someone whose ex-husband cheated because they were in a religion that allowed divorce only if there was cheating and they both wanted out of the marriage without leaving the church. She condoned it but it would still be cheating on some level.\n\nStealing is also a deal breaker, but my hometown is a big drug town and people end up trapped in things they can\u2019t control. If that conversation could help them admit they have a problem and get treatment, I would feel good about that.\n\nConclusion \n\nTo finally get to the point, I read everything everyone wrote and took what I considered reasonable, both positive and negative. I texted him back, saying we were not compatible and that I want my stuff and would give him his and no further contact and I only wanted an okay and a neutral place to meet. My best friend and I will meet him to exchange our things. I considered threatening him with blowing up his secret if he ever pulls this with anyone else because now that I know what he\u2019s into I don\u2019t want another girl to get blindsided by this, but I\u2019ll play that by ear. I want to let it go, but I\u2019m still processing.\n\nMy only thing left is wondering who he really is, but I can\u2019t trust him not to lie or omit information to make himself look or feel better. So I don\u2019t want to talk to him. If I could know with certainty this was not an intent to harm or use me I would still leave him over this, but I wouldn\u2019t be dealing with the questions of who he is like I am or worrying if he has or will do this to anyone else.\n\nI feel good about having stood up for myself and not even considering for a second a fundamental betrayal of who I am. I\u2019m gonna do a spa day, visit my folks, and move on. I\u2019ve always told potential partners that sex only comes after commitment but I\u2019ve never asked about kinks early. I know I have to get over my reluctance to talk about sex early so I can screen better. I know the right one is out there. On to Cincinnati.",
+      "timestamp": 1748916978.0,
+      "upvotes": 4,
+      "num_comments": 94
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "121cqu8",
+      "score": 10.0,
+      "title": "Cruel twist of fate. 27M and 25F",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/121cqu8/cruel_twist_of_fate_27m_and_25f/",
+      "content": "Hello,\n\nI'm not super familiar with reddit or writing so if I apologize if I'm somewhat scatter brained.\n\nMy gf (25F) and I (27M) have been together 6 months, long distance. But our relationship was the most amazing I've ever experienced. It all seemed perfect. We never fought. We did everything together. She was so caring and considerate. I could be vulnerable and express my feelings with her. In that short time we've fallen so deeply in love it scares both of us. However 2 months ago a series of truamatic events happened to her.\n\nShe was sexually assaulted by her best friend, he tried to kill himself on her porch, failed and was in a medical induced phycosis. He wasn't likely to wake so she didn't pursue charges. However he woke but had no memories. Then 2 family members were critically injured and in the hospital. Then the ex MIL tried to threaten to call cps to get full custody even though there was no grounds to call. Then she lost her job, her car broke down twice, got a misdemeanor, and can't drive her motorcycle which is her one source of escape. \nThen she lost vision in one of her eyes due to contact lense complication. She then lost her current residence and is moving in to her grandmothers. Then the sexual assaulter contacted her again begging her to forgive him and to leave me and be with him. She blocked him. \n\nI should mention she has past unresolved trauma involving sexual abuse, abandonment, not being good enough, body dismorphia, and whatever its called when you get clinically depressed for years after having a baby. In her own words she wasn't used to the amount of care I was giving her. And that's pushing her away. \n\nAll this was in 2 weeks. She broke. And when she breaks she shuts everyone out. She pushes everyone away. She will lie to hurt those who try to stay just to force them to go away. She asked me to give her space/time. Its been 2 months. She has gotten a new job, her misdemeanor dropped, and will be able to ride her motorcycle again. She is almost fully back on her feet. However she told me not to wait for her. That she simply can't be in a relationship right now and she doesn't know how long if ever she will be. But she loves me still and always will. \n\nThe current issue is we are both extremely stubborn and prideful people. We will self sacrifice to help another but refuse to let anyone Sacrafice to help us. We are bad at accepting help and need to feel completely independent. So when she told me not to wait I asked why. The long and short of it is that she doesn't want to be a burden or to hurt me. She loves me but thats why she's trying to make me leave. She thinks ill be better off without her. I refuse to because she still loves me and quite bluntly I don't move on fast. I waited 8 years until I met her. If she thinks that if she was out of the picture I'd just move on and be happy with someone else then she is wrong. I'll be alone for another long long time. \n\nIf she wanted me to leave because she didn't love me or something like that id accept it. The problem is I know she still loves me. And she's just trying to protect me at the cost of her happiness.  Today she tried to make me leave again. But she let slip that she will always lo e me and will simply resort to lying about not loving me if thats what it takes. But now I know she would be lying. This isn't speculation. This is her own words.\n\nMy waiting is hurting her because she is scared of hurting me. We both love each other so much that we self sacrifice for the others happiness. She won't accept therapy. \n\nShe feels she doesn't deserve me. That I could do better. But I feel the same way about myself. Difference is im using that to push myself to be better, to become worthy. She just accepts defeat and expects me to throw her away. She is easily the most beautiful woman I've ever met. And she doesn't wear makeup. I am an overweight nerd 6ft 250 and not of muscle. I was 310 at one point. And I aim to be 190-200. \n\nI was willing to move, to transfer to a location nearby, and when I thought she was fully blind in both eyes id even give her one of mine if that meant we could both still see each other and game together. I'm extremely dedicated to her and want her to be happy. \n\n\nSo my question is what would you do? Would you wait? Would you walk away? I'm willing to wait. Even if it takes a year or 2. I'd rather be there to help her and work together to get through this but she's simply incapable of that. It pains me to see her suffer so much and be unable to do anything. And with how we both feel I know id regret not waiting. And I think she would too. But I also feel guilty for not respecting her wishes and leaving. But I also know she doesn't want me to and its a lie for my sake? I'm just so confused. And don't know what to do. How do I help her? How do I save us? As far as I know nothing has been related to me or our relationship to cause this. So its not like I messed up or she lost love. Anyways. Thanks and sorry if I rambled.",
+      "timestamp": 1679724478.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 25
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "3748ld",
+      "score": 10.0,
+      "title": "Girlfriend [29F] and I [29M] of 9 months are having serious communication issues. I don't know what to do. Long post, but I need your help.",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3748ld/girlfriend_29f_and_i_29m_of_9_months_are_having/",
+      "content": "Hi /r/relationships,\n\nI've been regularly reading this subreddit for quite a while now, and I've appreciated all of the thoughtful advice, clarity, and support that have been offered to others over the years. Today I'm hoping you can do the same for me. This is a very long post, but I\u2019ve tried to be as thorough as I know how to be in order to figure out what is going on here. Please bear with me if you have the time and interest.\n\nI met my girlfriend \u201cErin\u201d about 9 months ago, and we hit it off instantly. After the best first date I'd ever been on, we went on a second and third date within the same week. Things just fell into place very well. She is gorgeous, utterly brilliant, is a badass, has a great sense of humor, has great taste, loves fun and adventure, and is disarmingly kind. If we lived in some comic book universe, I would swear up and down that she must be a superheroine in disguise. We both work in intellectually demanding fields that are not too dissimilar from each other, and we have enjoyed being able to have thorough, meaningful conversations on a range of topics about which we are both interested. Our sexual chemistry was incredible from the start. We quickly became enamored with each other, and would frequently remark how incredibly lucky we felt to have found the other. We would discuss at length how we were both glad that the other shared the same values of good communication in a relationship -- no door slamming, no storming off, no yelling, just sitting down and being able to flesh out when something is off or bothersome, and what we can do to address it and move on. We both felt a great sense of satisfaction in finding a partner who is grounded and psychologically healthy. Within a short time we were in love and absolutely ecstatic about it. A couple months into the relationship Erin confessed to me that she knew she had met the person she is going to spend her life with -- that she knew she is going to marry me. I was stunned and in awe. I told her I knew it too. We talked for hours that night about just how unbelievable and crazy it all was. Neither of us had ever felt that way before, and certainly not so soon into a relationship. But we knew it was true. \n\nI am head over heels for this woman, but so much in our relationship has changed. \n\nStarting around January, a couple major things happened in our lives. I decided to take a sabbatical from my field due to a growing sense of dissatisfaction for a number of reasons. It was a very difficult decision for me. I didn\u2019t talk about it much, keeping my feelings about it bottled up because I felt embarrassed that I was no longer doing some sort of awesome and impressive professional thing, and was now basically a dude without a job. The entire situation was stressful, and it made me withdraw a bit. She sensed it and kicked my ass back into shape, telling me that she loves me for me no matter what it is that I\u2019m doing, that she agreed with my reasons for leaving my field, and that I cannot bottle up feelings like that because it is of absolute importance to have a relationship with me that is communicative, open, and trusting. I agreed with her, and apologized for trying to deal with it all alone. I have unfortunately been mostly jobless in the interim: working part-time jobs, occasionally feeling a sense of inadequacy and failure for being on sabbatical and wanting to leave my field, applying for jobs that sound interesting but getting rejected because I'm considered overqualified, and, honestly, being lazy. I have, however, begun reading and writing for pleasure (which I could never do before), and there is a very promising professional opportunity that looks to be lining up for me.\n\nAlso starting in January, Erin went through a number of health issues related to hormonal birth control that caused an ovarian cyst, a costly trip to the E.R., a decrease in her sex drive, yeast infections, trips to the gynecologist, occasional and understandable moodiness, and an ever-present sense of frustration at her body. The treatments for a number of these new health issues themselves caused other health problems, and it was a long, serious, expensive, and very frustrating ordeal for her. Sex was very infrequent, as it was just understandably out of the question much of the time. I gave her my love, support, and understanding through it all, though she was very guarded and sensitive about the myriad of the health problems she was facing. For example, she said to me a number of times that she felt responsible for the drop in our sex life. I would say to her each time that she is absolutely not responsible; she couldn\u2019t have known how her body would react to the hormones, and it\u2019s certainly not like she wanted it to be reacting that way once it did. I tried my best to assure her day after day that this is something that we are going through together, and that I\u2019m by her side no matter how long it takes her to get healthy. I wanted her to feel secure, and to feel like her partner was understanding. There were times, however, when this sentiment didn\u2019t seem to get communicated properly, and she\u2019d close up on me. One example that sticks out is when she was simultaneously battling a yeast infection and sudden acne, and was applying a cream to areas of her face in the bathroom. We were discussing how much shit she was going through, and how the acne was not only another side effect of a treatment she was prescribed, but that the cream itself was so intense that her skin couldn\u2019t handle it. I said something along the lines of, \u201cMan, baby, your body is just not liking any of these treatments.\u201d It must have come across differently than I intended, because she immediately went quiet and, as I realized maybe ten minutes later, was hurt by it. I tried to explain that I didn\u2019t intend anything mean or insensitive about what I said, but it didn\u2019t seem to get across to her.\n\nWith the exception of the astronomical hospital costs, the health ordeal is finally behind Erin as of a month and a half to two months ago. But what have remained are the odd miscommunications like I just described, only they seem to have intensified and become more frequent as the last four months have progressed. Somehow our ability to communicate has all but deteriorated, and we both feel like strangers in a relationship that we desperately want to get back to the way it was. I don't know how much of it was caused by stress from the job and health situations, how much of it is owing to our natures and how we fundamentally interact with each other, or some combination of the two. What I do know is that so much of it started during these things we were going through. Before, we were able to solve problems in a calm, rational, open way. Now she feels almost entirely closed off from me, and I have felt myself growing more and more frustrated by an inability to connect and talk with her. I used to be level-headed and calmly spoken, but now I\u2019m having a hard time *not* showing how frustrated I feel, even though I know that only exacerbates her withdrawing from me. There is an ever-present feeling of tension between us, and we bicker constantly too.  \n\nWe\u2019ve attempted to have numerous sit-down talks about what\u2019s going on and how to fix it, but nothing seems to be working. In fact, it feels like it\u2019s just getting worse. I\u2019ll first start by describing as best I can a couple of the big problems she has said she\u2019s been having with me.\n\nI mentioned above that both of us work (or worked, in my case) in different, though fairly related fields, with multiple degrees under out belt. (Imagine, for example, that one of us works in math and the other in physics, or that both of us are scholars fields with important overlaps.) As such, some of one's given professional work is of intellectual interest to the other. We have, in the past, enjoyed listening to the other's views on a topic, or debating an interesting issue, or simply speculating on something that neither of us know much what to think about. We both found it stimulating, satisfying, and were very happy that we had found that quality in a partner. Occasionally, however, she would pull back from these conversations because she felt like I disagreed with something she said in too critical a tone, or that my wording of a disagreement came across to her as hostile. I have to admit that my profession has a reputation in other fields for coming across as hostile when we interact with members of other fields at interdisciplinary conferences, for example. When we're told this, it's typically received with genuine surprise, as we're simply trying to be direct, and in my field that kind of language is seen as dispassionate, unadorned, and nothing other than to the point. For example: \"I think that's wrong for XYZ reasons,\" or \"That contradicts something you said earlier,\" and so on. She did tell me, as an extreme case that happened a number of months ago, that once while we were having a discussion about some topic, I described something she said as incoherent, which at time I meant just to be a straightforward way of saying that there's a certain kind of problem with the view she was expressing, though I absolutely see how that can be taken as very rude. (Really, I do.) \n\nI have since striven to soften my language during these conversations, because what's of interest to me is certainly not to come across as abrasive, but to engage in conversation on mutually interesting topics with the person I love. And I, in turn, asked that when I slipped up she would try to keep in mind that I have absolutely no intention of being hostile or abrasive, that I really am just speaking in a way that, after so many years, comes naturally to me on certain topics, and that feels in my mouth like simple, straightforward, neutral language. I really do think that, to a large extent, I have improved. I\u2019ve been working hard on it. But if I\u2019m being completely honest, I don\u2019t feel like she has made much headway in trying to be more understanding toward me about it, to at least give me some leeway if I slip up. And now that I think about it, we very rarely have these sorts of intellectual conversations anymore. I desperately need to have that in my life, and she says that she does too.\n\nThe problem with the way I talk has bled over into other areas. If we are having a squabble, or discussing something that is bothering us, she has often said that I don\u2019t talk to her as if I love her. Unlike what I described above, where the problem was how I sometimes expressed my disagreement, here the problem seems to be the entire way I talk. I have found this hard to understand, as I\u2019m simply trying to engage with her in a civil, rational way by talking through whatever is bothering her, or whatever is bothering me, and considering the merits of each thing she and I say. When it\u2019s on something that bothers her, I listen attentively and ask questions to better understand her. Sometimes I\u2019ll end up disagreeing, but many times I\u2019ll see that she\u2019s absolutely right. I\u2019ll apologize, tell her I understand where she\u2019s coming from, and that I\u2019m going to make a real effort to work on it. This way of approaching problems is the best way I know how. I have found it hard to understand why she feels that I\u2019m talking to her as if I don\u2019t love her; the entire reason it\u2019s important for me that we communicate in straightforward ways about what\u2019s bothering each other is precisely *because* I love and care about her. (I guess I should note that she doesn\u2019t say she feels this way about how I talk when I\u2019m agreeing that she\u2019s absolutely right about what\u2019s bothering her.) I have nevertheless tried to change the way I talk during these times to a slow, very gentle tone (which is not to say I was rough or aggressive before) so that I come across to her in the way she needs, but it\u2019s kind of hard. And lately, with things having built up to what feels like a constant tension between us, it\u2019s been difficult *not* to speak in a frustrated and upset way when something triggers an argument.\n\nHere are a couple examples of what bothers her in the way I speak when we\u2019re discussing relationship issues. I can\u2019t remember the exact content of this one particular conversation, but we were traveling to a nearby city to give ourselves a weekend getaway and to try to reconnect. We somehow got into an argument, and during the conversation I at one point I said something like, \u201cIt seems like you\u2019re frustrated\u201d (or angry, or being off, or closing up, I can\u2019t exactly remember). She immediately said that she didn\u2019t like that I was telling her that she\u2019s feeling a particular way. I said that I wasn\u2019t telling her that she was, only that it *seemed to me* like she was, because that\u2019s the way it\u2019s coming across and I wanted to talk about it. That turned into a 20 argument on whether the word \u201cseems\u201d is attributing a feeling to her or whether it\u2019s just a normal way of saying that she\u2019s simply coming across that way. Afterward she began telling me that I\u2019m being unreasonably precise with language in a nitpicky, quibbly way, and that everybody deserves to get a \u201cmulligan\u201d when they\u2019ve misspoken and it\u2019s obvious what they meant to say. I told her that I completely agree with the mulligan thing -- I\u2019m not some douche who goes around correcting people when they misspeak and I know what they meant to say. (Hell, I misspeak all the time.) But I said that the whole \u201cseems\u201d thing isn\u2019t really a thing to be mulliganed. It\u2019s just an ordinary and useful word that we (or at least I) need to communicate effectively. \n\nA couple weeks later she again brought up the mulligan point when we got into another argument. This time it was on whether there is a distinction between what is said and what is meant. At one point in the argument she said something (I again don\u2019t remember what, but it\u2019s not important for here), and later said she didn\u2019t say it. (This has actually happened a couple times.) I pointed out that she did actually say it, and she denied it again. We had a tense back-and-forth about it, until finally she stated that what she *said* wasn\u2019t what she *meant*. I replied that that\u2019s perfectly fine (because we all misspeak, and it\u2019s not a big deal), but just to please say that in the future so we don\u2019t have tense back-and-forths when that can be avoided. She replied that I should have \u201cmulliganed\u201d the whole back-and-forth from the get-go because I knew what she meant -- that is, that I knew that her denials of having *said* something were really denials of having *meant* something -- and that furthermore there\u2019s no difference between saying something and meaning something anyway, and that I\u2019m just quibbling. This pretty much completely bewildered me. I don\u2019t know what to say when this sort of thing is happening, much less with the person I care the most about. And I know for a fact that she can\u2019t believe there\u2019s no distinction between saying and meaning, because her job, at which she is incredibly competent, involves the analysis and interpretation of contemporary and historical arguments (I\u2019m trying to keep things vague). I really don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on here or why she\u2019s doing this.\n\nTo the problems that I\u2019ve been having. I\u2019ve already discussed them a little bit in some of my comments above, but basically they come down to two things. The first is that I don\u2019t feel at all like I\u2019m listened to when we\u2019re talking about what\u2019s going on in our relationship, or when we\u2019re having an argument. I often get the sense that what I\u2019m saying is either being ignored, or that she somehow doesn\u2019t understand anything I\u2019m saying. I don\u2019t think she\u2019s doing it intentionally, which is why it\u2019s all the more puzzling to me. During one of our last talks about what\u2019s going on in the relationship, she asked me to tell her things that are bothering me. After basically telling her that one of my big issues is feeling not listened to, and giving a couple examples for illustration, she literally said, \u201cBut do you have any problems that don\u2019t have to do with me?\u201d We then proceeded to talk about what\u2019s bothering her, and my attempts to steer back the conversation (by directly saying that this is here an example of why I don\u2019t feel listened to) were basically met with confusion. The conversation was, however, fairly productive in other ways. Or so I thought. One of the things she said was that we needed to start being open and trusting with one another again, and to take what she described as a leap of faith in each other. I thought that was a marvelous idea. \n\nA day or two later we went to a show together, and I was feeling happy and excited to be with her, and at the idea that things would be on a better path between us. But she was practically silent the entire time, speaking only in one-word sentences. When we were sitting in our seats for the show, her body was turned away from me, and her leg was crossed away from me. Numerous times I reached over to rub her leg or hold her hand to let her know that I was wanting her to come back from wherever she was in her mind and to be here with me. Nothing worked. Later that night, back at her place, I told her how I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m supposed to do when she won\u2019t try to be open with me, like we agreed on. I told her that I\u2019m desperately trying, but that when she won\u2019t speak to me, and her body language doesn\u2019t even say that she wants to be with me, that I just don\u2019t know what I\u2019m supposed to do to get things on the right track. She seemed to understand exactly what I was saying, and told me she was sorry and that she\u2019d try harder. A week later we were having another discussion, and I mentioned the conversation after the show about body language and not talking, and everything I had said. Her reply: \u201cI didn\u2019t know that\u2019s what you were saying that night.\u201d\n\nShe knows that my feeling of not being listened to, or not being heard, is one of the big issues for me. But she has also said that she doesn\u2019t understand what I mean by it. The other night we were watching a documentary that I was excited to share with her. She dogged it almost the entire time, until finally I started disagreeing with her criticisms. After a while she sensed we were doing more than disagreeing on the merits of the documentary, and that I was a little upset. It took a while for me to get her to understand, but she finally did when I said, \u201cImagine how you would feel if we were at one of the art museums you like, and I\u2019m just making fun of all the pieces you want to show me. I honestly don\u2019t get some of the art that you like, but I go in with a genuine interest to understand it and you. I don\u2019t feel like you did that with something I wanted to share with you.\u201d It was a bit of an \u201caha\u201d moment for her, and she apologized. But then, after thinking about it some more, she thought that she had discovered what I must mean when I tell her I don\u2019t feel listened to. The problem, she said, was that I\u2019m not telling her up front how I feel about something she\u2019s doing, and instead I talk around it like I did (sort of?) with her dogging the documentary. Except (I think) that\u2019s not really what I think is going on. A lot of times I feel literally ignored, or misunderstood, or mischaracterized. (She has even told me, on numerous occasions, that she has a tendency to read the worst possible interpretation into something said or done.) The following day we were talking about the whole not feeling listened to thing, and I was trying to explain to her how it\u2019s not (or not only) an issue of my not telling her directly how I\u2019m feeling. I told her that sometimes I feel like what I\u2019m saying is mischaracterized, for example, and a lot of time is spent with my saying \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t say that. I said this.\u201d The exact words I used were: \u201cSometimes I feel like you unintentionally strawman what I\u2019m saying.\u201d Her response: \u201cBut I feel like strawmanning someone is intentional.\u201d I faintly tried to point out that I had deliberately said \u201cunintentional,\u201d and that this is exactly what I\u2019m talking about, but I ended up giving up.\n\nThe other big issue for me is that I feel like she\u2019s completely shut down and closed off from me, and I don\u2019t know why, or how to get her back. I have listened to what she says bothers her, and I really am trying all that I know to do. But at the same time, I don\u2019t feel like the things that bother her add up to the way she\u2019s behaving around me now. One night (a month and a half or so back) while at my place we were talking about how closed off she is from me. She agreed with me that she is, and that she feels like she\u2019s in \u201csurvival mode, because after her mother, the one thing she knows how to do is survive.\u201d She was on the verge of tears. Now, her mother was an extremely verbally and emotionally abusive person toward her. From everything she has told me (which is not all of it), she was a psychologically unstable monster who tore the family apart. Erin has not spoken to her in close to a decade, if I remember right. When she told me that she\u2019s in survival mode, I felt stunned, heartbroken, and confused. Reddit, I don\u2019t scream at people. I don\u2019t tear people down or try to manipulate them. I\u2019m an empathetic person. I care about the welfare of others. Erin knows this about me. When she told me that, I didn\u2019t really know what to say, but I tried to ask her to say more. She said she didn\u2019t want to talk about it that night, and we\u2019ve barely spoken a word of it since. \n\nHer being closed off from me has continued to get worse. She drove to a bachelorette party out of state one weekend a few weeks back and hardly texted me. (I don\u2019t need my girlfriend to be constantly texting me, but it would be nice to know if she arrived safely, or that she\u2019s on her way back.) When she got back she suggested we go shoot pool. I suggested one of our favorite local bars. When we got there she started acting funny, almost as if she were going to hyperventilate, and asked me if there was a reason I took her there. (She drove. She suggested going to shoot pool.) I wasn\u2019t sure what she meant, and she asked it a couple more times. I looked around the bar, thinking maybe there\u2019s someone here I didn\u2019t notice and that maybe she assumed that I wanted to be seen by that person or something odd like that. But I didn\u2019t see anyone, so I said, \u201cWhat do you mean? Is there someone here that I know or something?\u201d She said there wasn\u2019t, and that she thought I took her there to break up with her in a public space. What? (She has expressed this fear several times before.) She thought I had cheated on her. What? (That one is new.) Over the weekend I didn\u2019t reply to a text she sent at 11:15PM telling me that I\u2019m hotter than the male stripper at the bachelorette party. (That\u2019s nice, I guess.) At 1:00AM, she texted me asking if I was already asleep by 11. The next morning, when I saw the text, I sent the kiss emoji to her (in response to that I\u2019m-hotter-than-stripper text) and told her what I was up to at that moment. Apparently she thought I had slept with some other chick the night before. In reality, I was next door playing drunk video games with my male neighbor, and didn\u2019t see the text. I would never cheat on her. I\u2019ve been cheated on in a past relationship, and she knows how I have zero tolerance for it. (Interestingly, one time when we were talking about how I have zero tolerance for cheating, she said she felt sorry for me that I\u2019m still carrying that burden and feel so strongly about being cheated on. What? I don\u2019t carry a burden with me, I\u2019m just not going to deal with a cheater again.)\n\nThen last weekend she went to the wedding, and hardly communicated with me at all. (Again, I don\u2019t need constant texting. But did you land safely?) The second day she was there, I shot her a text telling her I hope she\u2019s having a blast and to have a wonderful day. All I got in reply was a picture of her enjoying the location. I then hear from her the next day that she has already landed back home. (I didn\u2019t even know she was on the plane.) I\u2019ve been working long and late hours every day since then, and we haven\u2019t had a chance to see each other. She\u2019s also barely talking to me, though she has told me a couple times that she misses me. When I suggested she come to where I\u2019m working (a place she frequents during the week either to hang out or get some work done) one evening for a little bit, she said she might do that. I haven\u2019t seen her, though she\u2019s been going out for late nights with friends. When she\u2019s with me she often has to be in bed by 10-10:30 for work in the morning, and she\u2019s been on a tight budget due to all the traveling she\u2019s had to do recently. Interestingly, a few months ago when she had to work late and I had friends in town staying with me (so I was literally hosting them), I didn\u2019t see her for three days. She was upset with me because she felt like I didn\u2019t make an effort to see her, that I ditched her for my friends, and because I had gone to a restaurant that she was wanting to go to. I apologized to her, and explained that I felt like I had to host my friends. Now I feel like she\u2019s done the same, and one of the friends is an ex-boyfriend. Now, I don\u2019t mind her being friends (even good friends) with an ex, but it doesn\u2019t make me feel good that she is more interested in hanging out with him than in seeing me when we\u2019re going through a rough patch and haven\u2019t seen each other in a week.\n\nReddit, I don\u2019t know what to do here. I love this woman. I know she loves me, and wants to make this work. I don\u2019t understand why she is behaving this way, and I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing to really cause it. Nothing seems to deescalate with a little time. Communication is all fucked up. A few weeks ago she said that she finally felt ready for a real talk, and that she hadn\u2019t really been ready for one before then (though some of them were suggested by her). I felt hurt by that, because I\u2019ve been trying to talk with her about this for months. If she wasn\u2019t ready for a talk then, what were we doing? How is that fair to me? How can I trust that this talk will actually be effective? None of her behavior suggests that she\u2019s psychologically ready, given how closed off she\u2019s been. That talk is supposed to happen later this evening. \n\nHelp me understand this! I've never been with someone so brilliant and wonderful who I cannot communicate with. Help me figure out what I\u2019m doing wrong and not seeing. I don\u2019t want to lose her.\n\nTL;DR: I\u2019m in a relationship with a wonderful woman, and our communication is failing. It\u2019s as if she and I are carrying this wonderful but fragile thing together, and we can see that it's not perfectly put together in some places, but no matter what we do to try to fix it, it just keeps falling apart right before our eyes. \n",
+      "timestamp": 1432493984.0,
+      "upvotes": 17,
+      "num_comments": 21
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "2xu2f4",
+      "score": 10.0,
+      "title": "(CRAZY LONG) - Mom [58] and I [28F] are meeting up to discuss something she says I\u2019ve done that\u2019s devastating her. But she won\u2019t tell me what it is.",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2xu2f4/crazy_long_mom_58_and_i_28f_are_meeting_up_to/",
+      "content": "Hello /r/relationships,\n\nThere seems to generally be pretty solid advice on here, so I\u2019m going to present you with my current issue. I apologize for how ridiculously long it is; I have never been one for three-word sentences and I think the background information is really important to get the whole picture, though I\u2019m generally not going into details of specific events.\n\nSome background:\n\nMy mom (58) has a big heart and generally good intentions. She was a single parent to myself and my two (30, 33) brothers. They are both bachelors, whereas I have a child (2 \u00bd yrs) and am in a committed relationship (I\u2019m the youngest of the three). I am the only child that has never moved back home for an extended period of time once I moved out at 18. I have asked for help from time to time, but I mostly try to fend for myself. Ultimately, I\u2019m very independent and don\u2019t rely on my mom the way my brothers have throughout their lives. I feel that my mom is a lot more critical of me than my brothers, she tends to baby them. My family is not receptive when I share my feelings and they do not respect my boundaries.\n\nMy brothers put mom on a pedestal (ie. one says I can\u2019t ever make certain foods because it\u2019s \u201cnot how mom makes it\u201d, not in an endearing way either \u2013 like I\u2019m literally not allowed to, and he\u2019s mean to me about it) and they have trouble talking with me about anything that isn't superficial. My whole family is very resistant to change or anything different (heaven forbid I put something healthy, like vegetables, into a dish or try to expose them to different types of food) and they subsequently make unhealthy choices \u2013 with food, hobbies, etc. then complain about their lives/bodies/relationships. Don\u2019t get me wrong \u2013 it\u2019s their life and they can live it the way they want, but it\u2019s hard when I have to collaborate with them about things. All they want to do is eat crappy food and watch TV and complain, never be physical or change anything up. I strive to learn and try new things and they\u2019re\u2026opposite, to say the least. It\u2019s not about the food (although it looks that way, lol), but more about them being set in their ways that bothers me.\u00a0\n\nThey tend to still treat me like a child (being patronizing and \u201cjokingly\u201d condescending, despite not being educated on the issues they\u2019re being immature about) and they expect me to just ignore or accept their actions (which admittedly, I did when I was a kid. It was the only way to cope \u2013 in fact, my mom was the one that said just to ignore my brothers \u2013 not actually deal with the problem). My family is very non-confrontational and will ignore problems out of fear. I\u2019ve now grown into a strong and intelligent young woman and am not afraid to face issues. I have been through a lot and gained a lot of experience, emotionally and mentally; and taken responsibility for my behaviour as much as I can over the years. I\u2019ve learned to recognize when someone\u2019s projecting their own feelings or unresolved issues. This is something my mom does excessively. Her default emotion is anger and she lashes out at those around her. She always has, but it\u2019s gotten worse over time. She is a mild version of the parents on /r/raisedbynarcissists; self-absorbed and consistently martyrs and victimizes herself (and my brothers enable it \u2013 as an aside, my extended family sees what I see in regards to my mom\u2019s behaviour). Because I feel like I\u2019ve grown so much as a person in the last few years, sometimes it\u2019s hard to be around this kind of behaviour because I feel that it is very counterproductive to actually living a happy and fulfilled life, which everyone seemingly wants.\u00a0\n\nI love my mom, I love my family, and I usually just smile it off and vent afterwards. I realize that I am biased in my view towards her because there has been some resentment built over time of the choices she\u2019s made that have negatively affected me and/or my child (\u201cMC\u201d). When MC was a baby, my mom constantly praised my parenting choices and techniques. But now that MC is older and I am confident as a parent, my mom seems to resent me and is very strangely disconnected from MC, her only grandchild. She doesn\u2019t help me or get excited over MC the way your average grandparent does. Some of my friends have speculated that she is \u201cjealous\u201d that I have the opportunity and awareness to be a more mindful parent than she was, and this is how she is acting out. I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s the case, but I have noticed that she has some weird jealousy issues.\n\nI don\u2019t trust her with MC because she has a tendency to be very controlling over trivial things and she doesn\u2019t shy away from \u201clight\u201d physical abuse (smacking a hand, grabbing MC aggressively, for example) and yelling is a default way for her to communicate. As someone who was raised in this environment, I am trying my damndest not to yell or use fear tactics to parent MC, because I know that it\u2019s not a healthy way to parent (I\u2019m happy to say that I\u2019ve been doing a pretty good job so far, but it hasn\u2019t been easy). Despite the fact that I am a single parent, I\u2019ve never allowed her to babysit, and she\u2019s never really expressed interest in doing so. My mom is someone who will drive very fast and recklessly even with her newborn grandchild in the car \u2013 and if I say anything, she would be incredibly insulted. She will demand MC hug her and if MC doesn\u2019t want to, manipulate her by acting hurt and acting like a child herself (I teach MC body consent, that her body belongs to her and no one else, and that she can say no). One week after major surgery on my abdomen, my mom made me walk three blocks to her car because she didn\u2019t want the inconvenience of having to u-turn into traffic out of the hospital pick-up lane, despite staples in my stomach and explicit doctor\u2019s orders that I shouldn\u2019t be walking.\u00a0\n\n\nThe issue (I think? Will explain below) :\n\nMy mom currently cares for two kids, a teenage girl (16 \u2013 \u201cTG\u201d) and a young boy (7 \u2013 \u201cYB\u201d). They are both relatively good kids, but given their circumstances of why they are in care in the first place, have had a tough life thus far. Given what the alternatives would be, my mom is 100 times better than their previous situations. Despite this, her parenting techniques have not changed or grown over the course of decades. As someone who is getting paid to care for these children, she is very out of touch with healthy childhood development and is very \u201cold school\u201d, despite the reality that they need even more care because of their experiences so far. They need more tenderness, more understanding, more education. Instead, she flips out over the most mundane things and seethes for hours or even days.\u00a0\n\nMy mom has a sharp tongue and resents TG and can be abrasive and rude to her. She expects her to clean without being asked, absolutely freaks out if she doesn\u2019t turn off lights, was mad at her for 3 days because she got less than a cubic inch of hair dye on the bathroom cabinet, and just gets annoyed with her day-to-day.\u00a0 I\u2019ve tried to remind my mom that she\u2019s just a teenager; that my mom\u2019s job is to be patient and remind her of these things and help her instead of making it about her own feelings. That TG isn\u2019t an adult or equal partner in her household, in fact, she's someone who has already had a traumatic life. I remind her that I was a little shit when I was a teenage girl and that\u2019s how teenagers are (I really feel for this young woman and think she has an incredible head on her shoulders \u2013 she is  pretty wonderful). So, a couple of months back, MC and I were at my mom\u2019s for dinner. My mom started freaking out at YB because he was playing with his food or something. She sent him to his room, drama ensued. Eventually he came out and apparently was whispering weird things to TG (\u201cyou\u2019re a bitch\u201d \u201cdie\u201d \u2013 keep in mind these kids come from a messed up dynamic) and my mom expected TG to deal with it, pretty much to parent him. At the time I didn\u2019t say anything. My mom clearly favours YB over TG.\u00a0\n\nThis is where (I think) the issue is: later, I was giving MC a bath and invited TG to talk with me while I did. I really like her. We put on the fan to mute any sounds. I asked her about her life, learned more about her. I told her that my mom\u2019s anger issues are not hers to carry, and that she shouldn\u2019t be responsible for parenting YB. That I hope she can find a way to cope and differentiate between her own issues and the ones my mom is projecting onto her. That I know my mom yells, she always has, and that she has a lot of unresolved things she has trouble dealing with. This young woman has so much potential and I don\u2019t want my mom to hinder that. In a roundabout way, I just kept reiterating that it\u2019s not TG\u2019s fault, she is doing great, and to just keep growing and learning. She was really receptive and it felt really good to have a one-on-one conversation with her. I was really happy with how that conversation ended. After we got out of the bathroom, I noticed that my mom had completely shut down and would not talk to me. She goes into \u201cbusiness mode\u201d when she\u2019s mad. She was withdrawn and cleaning obsessively.\n\nAs I am not afraid of confrontation, I asked her.\nMe: \u201cMom, what\u2019s up? You\u2019re not acting like yourself.\u201d\u00a0\nMom: \u201cNothing.\u201d\nMe: \u201cOkay, come on. I know you better than that. Something is bothering you.\u201d\nMom: \u201cYou\u2019re right, I am extremely angry at you. But I\u2019m not telling you why.\u201d\nMe: \u201cI can\u2019t help you if you are unable to talk to me. It\u2019s not my job to figure out your emotions if you are unwilling to share them. That\u2019s something you need to work on.\u201d (granted, this was a little too direct, but I have been dealing with this for sooo long)\nMom: \u201cTHAT\u2019S SOMETHING YOU NEED TO WORK ON!!!\u201d\nMe: \u201c\u2026Okay? Working on things isn\u2019t a bad thing. I do work on myself. Every single day. But I can\u2019t work on something if I don\u2019t know what it is.\u201d\nMom: \u201c\u2026\u201d\n\nThen I just gave her space. Now, as per the above conversation, I don\u2019t know if she was eavesdropping on my conversation with TG. Hell, she could be mad because I didn\u2019t do the dishes, or because I invited TG into bathroom with me and not her, or because I didn\u2019t want to be dishonest about returning a teapot to Ikea to save a few bucks (seriously\u2026that\u2019s a whole other thing). So we got ready to leave. She refused to say goodbye and wouldn\u2019t even say goodbye to MC.  I can\u2019t stress enough: her only grandchild who is completely innocent in this whole situation. She just sat on the couch and TG gave us hugs and walked us out. It was suuuuper weird.\n\nThis was back in the beginning of January. As I grow really weary of always having to extend the olive branch and subsequently enabling her self-victimization, I didn\u2019t try to contact her (much to my spouse\u2019s dismay \u2013 she is the only family we have in the country). On January 25th, she texted me asking when she could get back the TV that she borrowed me. I said anytime, whenever I am seeing you next. Then she asked when I would pay back some money I owe her (about $50) and again, I said anytime (I was still pretty pissed off and was annoyed that again, the real issue was being ignored). I told her that I still don\u2019t know why she\u2019s harbouring resentment against me, and that we can\u2019t work through it until she\u2019s ready to share it. She ignored that part and talked about the money. I asked her if she was going to avoid the real issue. She said she will email me. Over a month later, no email. I sent her a few pictures of MC and she said thank you and to give her a hug for me.\n\nThis brings us to today. I\u2019m tired of the whole silent treatment thing. I text her.\nMe:\u00a0 \u201cHello. I love you.\u201d\nMom: \u201cI love you too and I\u2019ll never stop loving you but you hurt me\u201d\nMe: \u201cWe can\u2019t work through this unless we communicate about what\u2019s bothering you. I miss you and MC misses you.\u201d\nMom: \u201cI have tried to email you but I always draw a blank since there is too much to say\u201d\nMe: \u201cThen let\u2019s get together to talk. Can we do that?\u201d\nMom: \u201cI do not want to go to a public place. I do not want to cry in public. This has been hurting me for a long time.\u201d\nMe: \u201cMe too. I\u2019ve felt completely in the dark about something that\u2019s happened that you\u2019re hurting about. I have no idea what\u2019s going on. Come over and we\u2019ll talk about it in private.\u201d\nMom: \u201cI am not free right now.\u201d\nMe: \u201cWell not right this second, as I am at work. But soon. Come over for dinner.\u201d\n\nThen we organized a meeting for next week. I know this whole post has been hella long (and really cathartic) because I didn\u2019t want to leave anything out, and a part of me is even unsure about why I am reaching out to my fellow redditors. I guess I am asking if anyone has any advice on how to handle this, keep my cool, and some ways that I can approach her without her shutting down or getting angry with me right away; not to mention any suggestions anyone can offer moving forward in the future. As she won\u2019t even tell me what\u2019s bothering her, I have no way of preparing. I could totally be in the wrong and be doing something terrible and not even know it. Right now I\u2019m preparing myself for the conversation I had with TG \u2013 but it could be completely unrelated. It could be because I haven\u2019t returned her TV or something (maybe she feels taken for granted?)\u00a0\n\nI have no idea, am so frustrated, and the multiple times I\u2019ve asked, she won\u2019t budge. I love her so much, we used to be really close when I was young. I don\u2019t want to hurt her but I also don\u2019t want to enable her victimization. I want to take responsibility for my issues, but I\u2019m not taking responsibility for hers. I\u2019ve tried so hard over the years to help her with her stuff but she just makes the same decisions over and over. This sounds harsh, but I already have the responsibility of helping one person recognize and regulate their feelings (MC); I shouldn\u2019t have to do that for a grown woman. And this whole silent treatment is not what I want either \u2013 my spouse is from a country on the other side of the world, and if we have any more children, mine will be the only family they really know. That is really important to us.\n\nBrothers: I don\u2019t know if you\u2019re redditors and if you\u2019ve stumbled upon this and recognize it. If you\u2019re reading this, please talk to me. We both know that we\u2019re very different but we love each other all the same. I don\u2019t blame you if you\u2019re mad at me; I feel very alone within our family sometimes and I don\u2019t want to shoulder this by myself. We can have such a close relationship if we want to, because we\u2019re good people with love in our hearts.\n\ntl;dr \u2013 my mom, who has a lot of unresolved issues, is mad at me about something but won\u2019t tell me what it is. I don\u2019t know how to prepare.\n\nEdit: Just an FYI, I don't let her drive with my child in the car (for over 2 years now) and I'm very vocal about my parenting choices and that they need to be respected. My child is my priority. \n\nEdit 2: It just dawned on me what the best thing to do is. Thank you so much for all of your responses, they helped bring me the clarity that I need; and I apologize for not commenting earlier (for some reason I can't submit comments from my work computer, so I am doing this from my phone). \nI think my best course of action when we meet is to lay down my boundaries and expectations. She is under the impression that she'll be telling me all the ways I hurt her, in which I will listen to and be relatively receptive to. But then I will express my own frustrations (the boundaries with my child, the lack of respect, the reckless driving, the lack of support, the allowance of my brothers being douchey, etc.) and stipulate that she needs to listen to what I have to say, even if she doesn't like it. I will say that in order for us to establish a healthy and reasonable relationship, she needs to pursue counselling long term (and I will help her find resources); she needs to not expect to parent my child; she will not yell or swear in me or my child's presence, nor will I allow her to be verbally abusive in my presence. I will not \"force\" any of this on her (she may take it that way), but tell her that these are MY boundaries as an individual and as a parent. I will also recommend joint counselling for us, and maybe even my brothers. If any of this is not respected, I will have no choice but to limit our contact. This isn't the first time I've had to do this (she said some pretty sensationalist and negative things about fearing that my spouse would kidnap me because he's from a Muslim country... Yeah... And I told her that the only relationship that is in jeopardy with that kind of mentality is hers and mine. She apologized and hasn't brought it up again.)\n\nThank you so much again. You all helped me work through the emotional side of things to establish what is the most productive way to handle this. If anyone would care for an update, I can post one after it happens. Wish me luck!",
+      "timestamp": 1425419568.0,
+      "upvotes": 38,
+      "num_comments": 42
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "5naaeb",
+      "score": 10.0,
+      "title": "Important question regarding female guests and washroom usage, in a males home.",
+      "sub": "TwoXChromosomes",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/5naaeb/important_question_regarding_female_guests_and/",
+      "content": "Hey Redditors,\n\nRelatively new to posting here, so i hope i put this in the right forum.\n\nOver the past two months I have noticed an odd trend occurring when I have female guests over. Anytime I have had someone over, I notice that when they use the washroom, instead of using the toilet paper I have on the spool, they pull out a new roll and use that instead. It has happened with maybe 5 different women of varrying backrounds so i dont think it is a 'snob' thing. \n\nI used to have my TP under my sink, but I had some recent renos and lost space under there so i have had it out near my toilet for the time being until i figure out a new solution. This is possibly why I have not noticed this in the past because my TP was more hidden.\n\nThe spool is right next to the toilet, so youd have to be really daft not to notice it. So that eliminates the possibility of them not being able to find it.  It is really killing my OCD that I now have 3 halfused rolls of TP in rotation.\n\nThe only thing I could think of is that is it possibly a sanitation thing? Like, do women consider a mans bathroom to not be sanitary so they dont trust the TP on the spool? I have a very clean bathroom so I dont think this would be the case either. \n\nSo please, women of Reddit. Help me solve this mystery. Why are these women going for new rolls of TP?",
+      "timestamp": 1484111609.0,
+      "upvotes": 3,
+      "num_comments": 23
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "bfafgz",
+      "score": 10.0,
+      "title": "My (24f) friend (24f) packed up and left me and our other friend (24m) and booked a new hotel room for the remainder of our trip.",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/bfafgz/my_24f_friend_24f_packed_up_and_left_me_and_our/",
+      "content": "My original post got removed but I still wanted anyone\u2019s advice on my situation:\n\nWhat had happened the night before was that Tanner, Alexandra, and I went out drinking with some people that Alexandra knows through mutual friends. The people we went out with were super nice but one of the girls was being a bit awkward and standoff-ish towards Tanner and I.\n\nThe next morning, Tanner and I woke up early and started discussing the events of the previous night. I don\u2019t remember exactly what was said but it was along the lines of \u201cwe don\u2019t think (girl) likes us because she was being standoffish towards us\u201d and we went on to giving examples of her actions that made us feel this way. When we finished our conversation we went to wake Alexandra up so we could get our day started. This was when she said she didn\u2019t wanna come with us as she was feeling sick the whole week - which we understood as she was sick before this trip even started. So we told her we would let her stay home and rest while we went sightseeing.\n\nFast forward to my original post - us coming home and finding out that she has packed everything and left, and her leaving us with a vague note saying \u201cI need some space and got my own place. I\u2019ll talk to you guys tomorrow just need to have a breather,\u201d I had speculated that it was something that we had said in the morning but Tanner said that we hadn\u2019t said anything that would upset her so it might be something that had nothing to do with us - which most of you guys assumed. Well it was absolutely what we had said that made her so upset she got her own place.\n\nThis morning, we texted her asking if she wanted to meet us for lunch which she had ignored. So I figured I would try messaging her in a separate chat saying \u201cI\u2019m going to assume you don\u2019t want to come out with us tonight but I wanted to let you know you left your pants here and I\u2019ll return it to you when we see you back home.\u201d She then replied with \u201cI\u2019m pretty disappointed and sad that i overheard you and Tanner talking shit about my friends when they were just tryna show you a good time and to say those stuff in front of me when I was in bed and I was awake. I don\u2019t think that\u2019s okay at all. My intention was to show you around since your only here for a short time and to have those stuff said hurt me a lot. My friends took time out and their intention was to show us a good time so I don\u2019t think what you both said is warranted. We had the whole week to party so that wasn\u2019t an issue. I didn\u2019t ask to be sick but I am and I tried my best to cater to everyone.\u201d\n\nI completely understood where she was coming from so I messaged her back with \u201cYou are absolutely right and I\u2019m very sorry we did that. I didn\u2019t realize until after the fact that it was really shitty of us to say those things. I\u2019m not going to say anything to excuse our actions but I wish you would have confronted us and talked to us yesterday morning. We had no ill intensions and I guess in the moment to us we thought we were just discussing the night, and didn\u2019t realise it was so negative with regards to your friends. We shouldn\u2019t have said what we said though and again I\u2019m sorry for what happened\u201d\n\nShe then said she appreciated my apology and would catch up when we were back home. I feel like absolute shit right now for making my friend feel so uncomfortable she had to leave us. I did not realize what we said would be so hurtful to her no matter how insignificant we thought it was. \n\nFor those who are saying enjoy our trip anyway - I will try as it is our last night here but I\u2019m feeling pretty bummed out. Thanks for all your comments though - I didn\u2019t realize how many people would actually want to take the time to reply and put in their thoughts. I appreciate reading the comments and am glad this situation is at least partially resolved. \n\nWhat can we do to make it up to her? I feel like absolute shit all over again for making my friend feel this way.\n\nTl;dr - friend who left us on this trip and booked a new room at a different hotel was upset with comments we had made about her friends. She just messaged me with this reason and confirmed she will see us back at home and will not be spending the rest of our trip with us.",
+      "timestamp": 1555752090.0,
+      "upvotes": 99,
+      "num_comments": 36
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "4msy7c",
+      "score": 10.0,
+      "title": "I [21M] cannot get rid of the feelings I have for my best friend [20F].",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4msy7c/i_21m_cannot_get_rid_of_the_feelings_i_have_for/",
+      "content": "Let me start by saying I am completely new to Reddit so I don't know if this post belongs on here or not. I guess I just need some advice and/or space to vent. Also, I am in my feels so this will probably resemble a cheesy romance flick with plenty of rambling. Feel free to skip to the TL;DR if you're not into that sort of thing. You have been warned. Anyways, here we go..\n\nSo I have known this girl for roughly 6 years now, and we have been best friends almost since the day we met. The only problem is that I am ridiculously and completely in love with her. \n\nIn the early years of our friendship, I tried (on multiple occasions, believe it or not) to take our relationship to the next level. Each attempt was met with the dreaded \"you're like a brother to me\" line, and I quickly came to the realization that I was stuck knee-deep in the friend-zone. I gave up my fruitless attempts to win her over and, miraculously, our friendship was never jeopardized. \n\nToday we are still close friends, but nothing near what we used to be. That being said, I still have these feelings for her. I know I need to move on, but I cannot for the life of me figure out how. Every time I think I've finally gotten over her, I'll see her beautiful smile or watch how she throws her head back when she laughs and I'm immediately back where I started. I'm worried that if I never learn how to move on, I'll spend my whole life waiting for her to give me a chance or I'll just chase her away for good. \n\nIn addition, it is also hard for me to maintain relationships with other women. I've been on my fair share of dates and have had a handful of intimate relationships in the last 6 years, but these never last because I never feel as connected to them as I do to my friend -- if that even makes sense.\n\nFor example, a few days ago, she ended up staying the night at my place after a night out on the town. We both had a few drinks, but it was nothing too crazy since we aren't heavy drinkers. Being a college student with relatively little furniture in my apartment, we always just end up falling asleep in my bed whenever she has stayed over. Usually it's not a big deal, but that night she fell asleep in my arms with her head on my chest. As clich\u00e9 as this is going to sound, everything made sense in that moment. I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world than right there in that moment. It is absolutely remarkable that such a little thing like that can mean so much.\n\nIn short, I'm a hopeless romantic chasing an imaginary love, and I simply cannot take it anymore. I just don't know how I am supposed to move on when loving her feels so natural.\n\nTL;DR: I've been in love with my best friend for 6 years but the feeling is not mutual. She knows I have these feelings for her ever since I tried to take our relationship to the next level a few years ago. My problem is that it is hard for me to maintain intimate relationships with other women since I don't feel connected to anyone else like I do with her. I can't spend my whole life waiting for her, but I can't ignore how I feel. It is a constant battle and moving on has proven to be difficult for me. I could use some help..",
+      "timestamp": 1465220288.0,
+      "upvotes": 88,
+      "num_comments": 43
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1ceyzsv",
+      "score": 10.0,
+      "title": "I (24F) am debating breaking up with my BF(25M) over Last Names",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ceyzsv/i_24f_am_debating_breaking_up_with_my_bf25m_over/",
+      "content": "So I (24F) and my boyfriend (25M) are having a massive fight. So I have always been very honest with the fact that I want to keep my last name if my SO has a common last name. My last name is about as popular as Steele is as a last name. To be clear if my SO has a rarer last name I would take theirs.\n\nSo my boyfriend has the last name that is one of the most common in the USA, think Jones or Williams. As a result I stated, early on in our relationship, that if we marry I want him to take my last name. This is something I brought up as soon as the third date since I know men can be touchy about their last names.\n\nBF said he was fine taking my last name and even joked that now our children won't be one of five kids with the same last name. So he recently proposed and it was fun and exciting. A few months later he invites me over to his place and says we need to discuss something. I assumed it was wedding related and even brought some things to show him that I had as inspiration for our wedding day. So I get inside all excited and wanting to show him my ideas when he sits me down and tells me this discussion isn't wedding related.\n\nAs you can guess he wanted to talk about the last name and having me take his. I just let him talk because I was shocked. Why bring this up now? Why all of a sudden? Why after nearly four years together are you concerned about this when I made it clear I wasn't changing my mind. I did get heated and asked these questions and many others getting more agitated. He was evading the questions or saying that he just changed his mind about the last names. I was probably yelling at this point and said something like \"My stance has always been clear on this matter there is nothing to discuss.\"\n\nHe sighed and looked defeated then he lead me to the door and told me that we can talk again when I'm calmed down. I was pissed and screamed at him that there is nothing to talk about but he just shut the door. I stormed out to my car and went home. I was talking to a close friend about this and she basically said \"(my name) it's a last name. Is it really worth throwing away a four year relationship?\" And originally this was a hill to die on but she didn't share the sentiment. So know I am wondering if I'm actually being petty and fooling for being tempted to break up with him\n\nShould I consider taking his last name and talking with him about this? I have some of my other mutual friends saying I'm being dramatic and stubborn over something pointless so they really have me questioning what I should do. Before this I was fully debating sending back the engagement ring and blocking his number but maybe I'm being hasty. I just don't know what I should do and to be honest I'm terrified that I'm throwing away a good relationship over nothing.\n\n\u200bEdit: To be clear I didn't start getting upset until he started avoiding my questions. Anything would have worked from \"I decided I liked my last name\" to \"I want to hyphenate\" but he just stonewalled me. He gave me nothing to work with no matter how I asked. I didn't start getting upset until he called me emotional for not \u200bwanting to change my last name\n\nPS. \u200bFor everyone asking about hyphenation that's one of the first things I brought up when he said he wanted to keep his last name. He wouldn't answer me or give me anything to work with so he decided we'd talk about it when I'm less emotional.\n\nUpdate: So I've decided to \u200bgive him some space for a day or two then approach him calmly. I will apologize for yelling at him because no matter how upset I was that was an uncalled for reaction to what was going on. I'm going to ask him about future plans as well since we originally agreed that the kids would take my last name but now Im sure he probably wants it to be hyphenated so \u200bthat's a discussion we really need to have.\n\nI\u200b will still reply to questions/comments so please feel free to ask or speculate. Especially since some of you have me great insight, someone men\u200btioned his family or the realization that this is happening. So I'll be looking into that since I am curious why he changed his mind so suddenly.",
+      "timestamp": 1714282972.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 68
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "zlwa73",
+      "score": 10.0,
+      "title": "My wife freaked out at our neighbors for making noise and I'm not sure what I should do",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zlwa73/my_wife_freaked_out_at_our_neighbors_for_making/",
+      "content": "A bit of background, my wife (34F) and I (30M) have been married for 8 years. We've been teaching ESL abroad for a few years, but it's not a great industry and we wanted something that will be more secure long-term. \n\nWe decided to leave ESL, and this year I started studying at a medical school in an EU country. For the last few months, I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety related to the bureaucracy here as well as the academic pressure. But my wife has been amazing. She's been so supportive and uplifting, she hasn't allowed me to get lost in my anxious moods, and she's put a lot of effort into making our apartment here comfortable even though it's not the nicest living space. Every day I really look forward to coming home from class and spending time with her. \n\nLast week, a group of students moved in next to our apartment. Apparently their bathroom shares a wall with our bedroom, and the walls are very poorly soundproofed. We can hear literally everything that happens in their bathroom, every footstep, every drop of water dripping from the tap, every time they flush the toilet. The noises are LOUD. We go to bed at 10:00 - 11:00 so I can get up at 6:30 for class, but they go to bed at 12:30 - 1:30. So for the past several nights, we have been kept up by all kinds of bathroom noises until our neighbors have finished with their showers/general nighttime routines. The noise isn't their fault, though; it's just a matter of poor construction and poor placement of pipes. My wife and I have been speculating about whether or not we can do anything about it, but it's not like we can ask them to change the time when they go to bed. We've mostly been keeping our cool about it and just getting to sleep when we can.\n\nLast night, however, the noise was really bad. By 1:30 it hadn't stopped, and I was getting really frustrated, so I said that I was going to sleep on the couch where it was quieter. My wife was upset but I didn't really listen, I just went to the living room.\n\nA few minutes later, I hear my wife pound her hand on the wall multiple times and then *scream at the top of her lungs* in frustration. I came in to get her to stop freaking out, and then once she quieted down I told her that that was humiliating and that I was really angry with her, and then I went back to the living room and fell asleep after fuming for an hour or so. I left this morning for class without waking her up or talking to her about it because I had no idea what to say.\n\nWhen I came back from class, we had a conversation about why she did that. She said that she just snapped, that I left her alone to deal with the stress of the noise by herself and she couldn't process it. She brought up times when I've had angry outbursts before, which I certainly have, and said that sometimes it just happens. The thing is, I really think she crossed a line and that it's not comparable to times when I've raised my voice at her or thrown things (not at her, just in general). Those were things that we could deal with internally and didn't directly involve people around us. I can't imagine what our neighbors are thinking, and on top of that, we have definitely lost all credibility that we might have had if we ever wanted to complain about the noise in the building, so now we have no hope of dealing with the noise issue. I think we'll be lucky if we don't hear of a formal complaint to the building manager against *us*. \n\nMy wife and I are behaving normally toward each other now, but internally I am still freaking out. My anxiety is through the roof; I'm very stressed at the thought of coming and going from our apartment (which I have to do every day) and running into our neighbors in the hall, and I'm worried that our landlord won't give us a reference now when we leave (landlord references are important here). I haven't been able to focus or study all day. I don't know what I actually want my wife to do but I'm not satisfied that the issue is settled, and I don't feel like she's accepted how damaging her actions were/could have been. I don't have anyone that I feel comfortable talking to about this because we're mutual friends with basically everyone we know. This whole thing has made me miserable. Should I talk to the neighbors and apologize? Should I tell my wife that I want *her* to talk to the neighbors and apologize? I don't know what I should do.\n\ntl;dr: My wife and I recently moved to a foreign country so I could study medicine, and last night she screamed through the walls at our neighbors to get them to be quiet. I'm embarrassed and deeply angry at her, and thinking about how this will affect our relationships with our neighbors and landlord is giving me massive anxiety. I don't know how to move past this, to stop being so stressed out and to stop being so angry with my wife.",
+      "timestamp": 1671037465.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 70
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "7xvr8g",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I got pregnant despite having a copper IUD and chose to abort. Here's my experience",
+      "sub": "TwoXChromosomes",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/7xvr8g/i_got_pregnant_despite_having_a_copper_iud_and/",
+      "content": "This will be very detailed and I\u2019d like to add a lot of background. Despite being well-educated on the topic (or so I thought), I experienced a lot of things I received no warning about. Hopefully recounting my experience will help somebody going through what I did, or will even give some perspective to someone who can\u2019t relate but would like to try to. I\u2019ll try to make a shorter version at the end to whoever doesn\u2019t want to read the whole thing. This is my experience in New Jersey.\n\n*History with Birth Control*\n\nI got my first copper iud (paragard) about five years ago. It was an absolute disaster because it was placed improperly. It was placed by a nurse practitioner without the use of ultrasound, and the pain I felt was worse than the abortion I would eventually have. It was excruciating, and the np even said something to the effect of joking about my pain. The days after I felt terrible and was in extreme pain, those days were worse than the recovery from my abortion. I experienced heavy bleeding most days of the month, for months, and I had constant cramping and pain. I knew something was wrong but when I returned to the same clinic, I was told that everything was fine because the strings were visible, and I was told I was being too sensitive. I knew something was wrong so I headed to an ob/gyn instead of planned parenthood, and the doctor there too also told me it was fine because the strings were in place. I pleaded to get an ultrasound because of the pain I was in, and after insisting he finally agreed even though he ensured everything was fine. To his surprise, my IUD was improperly placed.\n\nI got it removed and went on hormonal birth control pills (lo loestrine fe) for several months and journaled changes in body. I\u2019m on the lower side of healthy weight, occasionally underweight when I had an eating disorder. I was overweight as a child so I\u2019ve always been strict with myself since and lost weight after gaining it, even with how easy it is for me to gain weight. On the pill I gained 10 pounds I was never able to lose permanently again, and while I didn\u2019t realize it when it was happening, looking back at my journal I realized I was much more likely to feel depressed (while never formally diagnosed, I had a traumatic childhood in which I was depressed and suicidal, which slowly went away as my life situation changed and I began to live a healthy life, however occasionally I would still have bouts of depression). \n\nA few months later I decided to get another paragard iud, but opted to get it inserted by my ob/gyn with an ultrasound rather than planned parenthood (sidenote: I love planned parenthood and advocate for them politically as they help many who otherwise would not receive healthcare, however, I do not trust my local clinic for serious procedures. I would only ever return to them for more routine services, I now only trust my ob/gyn with more serious procedures). The insertion was unpleasant, but nothing compared to my previous one. I healed much quicker and felt a lot safer with my ob/gyn. I returned for checkups every few months just to see that it was sitting properly, and discovered that it was sitting lower in my uterus than what was typical. My ob/gyn told me that this isn\u2019t uncommon and that he had other patients with similar conditions who never became pregnant. Later after more ultrasounds and checkups (my previous experience made me paranoid and I constantly wanted to make sure everything was going well), my doctor told me that the shape of my uterus is what was causing the iud to sit the way it was. I forgot the term for it, but the top of my uterus is concave. He said it was completely normal and common and shouldn\u2019t interfere with my ability to have children in the future, and many women have the same thing and just don\u2019t know it because it\u2019s not easy to see. \n\nI don\u2019t see my boyfriend very often because we\u2019re long distance, but when we do see each other we have sex multiple times a day. I had the iud for about three years and nothing had happened and pregnancy with iud is extremely rare, so we got a little confident and he had finished inside me more often the most recent time that we saw each other.\n\n*Pregnancy/Planning for Abortion*\n\nI last saw my boyfriend during the winter holiday season. I keep track of my cycle religiously so I speculated that I got pregnant the first or second week of January. I came back home and my period was late, which is normal for me after seeing my boyfriend. Sex usually pushes my period forward about a week, and I took a pregnancy test and it turned out negative. Still, I was stressed and for some reason I just felt like I wasn\u2019t going to be getting my period anytime soon. I\u2019m a student and live on campus, but came home for a weekend and I was stressing about my period. It was really unlikely that I was pregnant, so I dug around for old pregnancy tests just to ease my mind. They were all expired, but I figured that I was gonna throw them away anyway and I wanted to ease my nerves, so I used one before bed. To my shock, it turned out positive immediately. I started freaking out and woke up my mom, who told me to stop being dramatic and go to sleep and we\u2019d figure it out in the morning. I wanted to drive right then and there to the store and buy a new test, my family situation wouldn't allow it and I couldn't arouse suspicion. I texted my boyfriend and barely slept, google showed that expired tests usually show a false negative rather than a false positive, but could potentially show a positive. I woke up 30 min before the closest store opened and go there as they opened, only to be told pregnancy tests were part of the pharmacy department which wouldn\u2019t be open for another few hours. I went to another store and came home, and again, it was positive, however the line was more faint.\n\nI looked up the closest and highest rated ob/gyn in my area and drove there as soon as they opened. I was an emotional wreck but the woman at the front desk was really kind. She said that they didn\u2019t accept my insurance, however I should wait a moment and talk privately with her in another room. I had already told her that I was pregnant and needed to go from there.\nShe asked if I wanted to terminate, to which I said yes. She told me that they didn\u2019t do the procedure there, but would get me the information of good doctors who did in the area. She and another woman at the front desk gave me the information of two doctors closer to me and who would likely accept my insurance. I called the first office and explained what was happening, and they said the earliest appointment I could get was a week from then, which I accepted anticipating to cancel. I then called the other office, and the woman on the phone seemed annoyed and made me feel worse. I\u2019ll never forget the tone of her voice when she exclaimed, \u201cyou\u2019re PREGNANT with an IUD???\u201d. It was still new and scary to me and I was in a lot of stress, and having someone else freaking out about it certainly didn\u2019t help. She did say that I could see the doctor in 20 minutes though, so I rushed over. I\u2019m really not the type of person to complain, but I was not expecting the staff I encountered there. The nurse brought me to a room and told me to undress, and then told me that the doctor wasn\u2019t in that day so she would be doing an ultrasound\u2026 what? Anyway, I laid down and she inserted the ultrasound inside me. This has happened to me a lot previously with my iud checkups, and usually the nurse would face the screen toward me and explain what they were seeing. However she turned the screen from me, jabbed around painfully, and made faces that I could only describe as confused and appalled- definitely not what you want to see when you\u2019re accidentally pregnant for the first time, especially with an iud, which mean a higher chance of ectopic pregnancy. \nI asked, \u201cDo you see anything?\u201d\nTo which she snapped, \u201cI\u2019m LOOKING.\u201d\nI was already in a lot of stress and fear and this was doing the opposite of helping. She then called in the doctor, even though she had just told me that he wasn\u2019t in that day? She told him that she couldn\u2019t see a pregnancy or the iud (despite me taking a pregnancy test minutes before which showed up positive). She seemed convinced that either my iud wasn\u2019t there anymore, or that I wasn\u2019t really pregnant. She also spoke as if I wasn\u2019t in the room and honestly didn\u2019t make me feel like much of a person. \nThe doctor took over and found the iud, and he did say it was sitting low. However the pregnancy was in such an early stage, 2 or 3 weeks, that it wasn\u2019t visible yet. He calmed me down and spoke to me like a person. He told me to get dressed and we can continue speaking privately in his office.\nHe told me to stay calm and return in a week for another ultrasound, and if the pregnancy was visible, we could schedule a surgical abortion. He said it\u2019s safer than the pill because the pill often causes excessive bleeding, and isn\u2019t as effective as the procedure. He said he didn\u2019t want to downplay it, as it was stressful, but that the procedure is no big deal and incredibly safe. Both the pill and procedure each cost $400. \nMy mom had previously had abortions and had an iud placed immediately after as it was easier on the body because the cervix was open. I asked if he recommend this for me, and he said that there are typically two schools of thought with this. He said that some doctors do prefer this as the cervix is open, however, some preferred to wait a month to ensure that all tissue was gone. He said that he believed the second, especially in my case with such an early pregnancy.\nHe also told me that he was in Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, while the nurse had told me he was in Tuesday and Thursday. It seemed like she gave the worst possible help at each opportunity, which I really did not feel comfortable with, but I did like the doctor a lot.\n\nI went to the second doctor a week later, and felt much more comfortable there. The staff was very professional and caring, unlike the other ob/gyn, where only the doctor was. This doctor performed an ultrasound, and saw my iud and a very tiny sac; and thank god, it wasn\u2019t ectopic. He removed my iud and I cried as I associated the feeling with my previous iud experiences. He was surprised that I wanted another iud despite my experience, and told me to consider other options. He told me to take two blood tests spread out over a few days to see that the pregnancy was legitimate, as many people have miscarriages following iud removal. If the pregnancy hormone increased, we would schedule a procedure. He also told me with the timing of my period, that I should be at six weeks. This meant that either he was wrong, or as he suggested, it was an abnormal pregnancy. I thought his calculation was wrong, as I\u2019m very aware of my fertile days, but he insisted it must be 6 weeks. I had he was wrong about how far along I was, and also had a strong feeling that I wouldn\u2019t miscarry. Despite that I felt very comfortable under his care and felt he was very professional. \n\nI had to wait another week, and finally, my procedure was scheduled for another week from then. I had an ultrasound a few days before, and the doctor said that at that point I was at 6 weeks (the timing I originally knew myself, but he said was wrong). My pregnancy was no larger than half a centimeter. I was prescribed antibiotics, a medication to prevent excessive bleeding after childbirth, and valium. The dosing was confusing and I generally had a lot of questions so I spoke to the office manager a lot, in person and on the phone. She was very kind and helpful and answered all of my questions. \n\nFor personal reasons I couldn\u2019t charge the procedure to my insurance, so I had to pay out of pocket. It was $550 out of pocket, plus $50 for appointments before and about $25 for medication (however those were copays).\n\n*Pregnancy Symptoms*\n\nThis is what I really wasn\u2019t expecting. I\u2019d always thought that if I needed an abortion it\u2019d be a quick thing I could do the day of discovering my pregnancy. I was pregnant for about two months, despite doing everything as quickly as possible. In the beginning, my only symptoms were nearly perfect skin and mild cramping. I really couldn\u2019t complain and thought it was kind of cool to have such great skin. Then I began being really sensitive to smells- I thought that my roommates had been cooking exceptionally smelly food or something, and starting thinking that I smelled like B.O. way more than normal. I asked my mom if I smelled bad on a day I was particularly smelly, and she sniffed my pits and said she didn\u2019t smell anything. I realized it was probably just me, and then it only got worse- in the last three weeks, I was able to smell e v e r y t h i n g. It got so bad that most strangers I passed by on the street on windy days had a smell. I could tell what a lot of the people around me ate last. If someone within ten feet of me on the street was wearing perfume, I could smell it. Smell even became spatial for me, I could tell what space different smells occupied. I could see with my nose the shape of peoples\u2019 breath. I was upstairs and stepped out of my room, and could smell that somebody downstairs in the kitchen had opened a bottle of maple syrup. When I showered, my pits still smelled after soaping them up three times. I had to shower every morning and night just to feel comfortable. This is a little tmi, but whatever you got this far: I could even sometimes smell what I last ate when I peed. It was interesting at first, but then became incredibly annoying. If I had to choose between that and losing my sense for the rest of my life, I\u2019d rather not smell anything at all. It really changed my perception of reality as I always thought I was dirty and couldn\u2019t stand being around other people or food a lot of the time.\n\nAnother symptom was the nausea. For the last week I was nauseous 24/7 and kept my window open in all temperatures because I just couldn\u2019t stand the smells of anything my roommates did and I could always smell it from my room. Ginger ale helped, until I drank it so often that I got sick of it. I woke up fine one morning, for some reason, and went to take a shower. I started feeling like I was about to pass out, so I cut my shower short and got to my bed just in time and luckily collapsed right there. I hyperventilated and about 20 seconds later I had to throw up, so I jumped up to the bathroom and puked for a while. I felt fine after, which was honestly a relief after days of no relief from nausea. \n\n\n*The Procedure*\n\nToday I finally had my procedure. I took the valium 30 minutes before the procedure, as directed, but didn\u2019t feel any different. I was very nervous but was texting my friends, who were very supportive and helped me feel at ease. The nurse brought me to a room to get undressed and put on a gown, and then came back to move me to another room for the procedure. I caught a glimpse of the doctor in surgical attire and got a little more nervous. I looked around the room and saw the vacuum. He had explained to me earlier that the procedure would take about five minutes, that he would first use a needle to insert anesthesia to the cervix in multiple places, then suction the pregnancy out. \n\nThe nurse and doctor came in, and asked if the valium kicked in or if I was fighting it. I felt no different. My nerves were really high and my doctor knew that I\u2019m very tense about my body in general, I grit my teeth even just from the device that keeps the vaginal canal open. They started by injecting the anesthetic, and holy shit. My boyfriend had hit my cervix before and it hurt, but I could\u2019ve never imagined having needles in it. It hurt like a bitch. It was fast though, and soon the doctor was using the vacuum. He warned that I\u2019d feel cramps but it honestly was not so bad. It was over way faster than I thought it would be, and I felt relatively okay after. The nurse brought me to another room to recover, gave me a pad and sat me down on a puppy pad and gave me a blanket. Theeeen I started feeling the valium kick in. The procedure really wasn\u2019t so bad, and recovering in that room was nice. It was overall not too bad of an experience and the staff comforted me and was very professional and helpful. I was very calm from the valium and overall felt okay. The valium bottle said that drinking while on it could cause death, so I asked when I\u2019d be able to drink again and the doc even said that night (although I don\u2019t plan to for at least a few days).\n\nMy mom drove me home and made me food, and I\u2019m in mild pain but healing. Sitting normally means I can feel my uterus and cervix, but otherwise, I\u2019m pretty much okay. I feel some pain when I move around so I\u2019m taking it easy. \n\nI opted not to get another iud and I\u2019m not making any long term decisions right now, but I\u2019m leaning towards bc pills in the future despite the negative effects they\u2019ve had on me in the past.\n\n*Things I\u2019ve Learned*\n\nFrom both my iud experience, and my pregnancy- if you know your body well, listen to it. Of course listen to what doctors say, they\u2019re professionals, but keep in mind that their typical advice is aimed for the average person. If you know your body and know how it reacts differently from the average, and you think you aren\u2019t getting the care you need, don\u2019t feel uncomfortable asking for the care you think you need or find a doctor who will understand your body. Also, if anything about a ob/gyn or clinic makes you uncomfortable (and if you can afford to do so), go somewhere you feel comfortable. Luckily I\u2019ve had the resources to go elsewhere when I\u2019ve found my medical care to not be adequate. \n\nAlso, I had to be pregnant for way longer than I thought I would be, and I live in a state where it\u2019s pretty easy to receive an abortion. I was not expecting to be pregnancy for so long and to experience the symptoms so hard.\n\nOn a last note, I\u2019m incredibly lucky to live in a state where it\u2019s easy to receive an abortion, and to have a parent who helped financially and emotionally. I was able to get the care I need with only the minimal amount of hurdles, I can\u2019t imagine going through this without my support network or in a state which purposely makes it harder. It was hard enough for me, and I really cannot imagine going through this without the privilege I have. \n\n*What I Think Should Change About Birth Control and Abortion*\n\nIt really sucks that there\u2019s only one long term non-hormonal bc option. Hopefully in the future similar products will be available for women but also for men, like vasalgel (look it up, basically less invasive iud for men). \nI have no idea what it\u2019s like to get an abortion in other states, but New Jersey has been a great model in my experience. I would have loved to have done it quicker, but I understand why my doctor wanted to wait and it wasn\u2019t because of overbearing restrictions but to ensure I really needed it and that it was done right.\n\n**TL;DR:** I had a copper iud for three years and it was fine, got pregnant anyway later on. Had to wait almost two months to terminate even though I discovered the pregnancy at two or three weeks, and the clinic was really close to my house. I experienced a lot of pregnancy symptoms, which sucked. Take the advice of doctors seriously but if you know how your body is different from the average, take that into consideration and trust your gut. If you can afford to do so, get the procedure done where you feel comfortable. The procedure wasn\u2019t so bad. I\u2019m thankful I had financial and emotional support and live in a state where it\u2019s relatively easy.\n\nThis is a throwaway so I\u2019m not sure how long I\u2019ll have access to it, but if you\u2019re going through this and have any questions feel free to pm me (although do try to comment if you can so others can learn too). \n\n(made some edits to remove some unnecessary information)\n",
+      "timestamp": 1518749023.0,
+      "upvotes": 83,
+      "num_comments": 19
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1gf7yn",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "How do I regain my trust in people and faith in love after being repeatedly manipulated by an ex?",
+      "sub": "TwoXChromosomes",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1gf7yn/how_do_i_regain_my_trust_in_people_and_faith_in/",
+      "content": "Not to make light of the situation, but I'm starting to feel like Miss Havisham. I'm only 24, I shouldn't be so jaded already. But I'm too afraid to be vulnerable again and open myself up emotionally after what has happened to me over the past year.\n\n**I apologize for how long this is. I bolded the important parts for you TL;DR people. I'm just really hurting, need to vent about what I've gone through, and need advice for the future. I'm in a really bad place because of all this.** Thank you for reading.\n\nBackground:\n**I was living with my ex for over a year when we broke up**. It was my decision; he was being distant and I was depressed, our lease was coming up, we were bickering, and I thought it was better to break things off than sign up for another year. Then I had second thoughts, and he didn't. So, I accepted his decision, moved out, and tried to move on. Fast forward a month, and he wants me back. I am torn with indecision, as I had begun dating someone else, but still loved my ex. My ex convinces me to go on a date with him, which was probably a mistake, as I ended up saying no the next day. He was very upset by it. We stopped talking after that.\n\nFast forward a month, and I realize that the guy I've been dating is actually just a rebound (I hadn't been single in 7 years, since I was 16 years old, so I made dumb choices), and that I'm really still in love with Ex. Ex texts me one day and says he found an old dress of mine tucked away in the closet, and told me I should come by and pick it up. So I do, **he invites me in for a drink, we end up talking for hours and I reveal that I still have feelings for him and made the wrong choice**. He initially says he doesn't want to get back together, and I accept it. He repeatedly offers me drinks, which I decline (he has two drinks). Then before I leave, he pulls me in for a hug, and then just starts kissing me. I ask him what it means, and he says that he still has feelings for me, that I can spend the night and we'll talk about us in the morning, etc. I'm resistant at first because even though I love him, I'm dating someone else and would need to break things off first. **Ex pressures me into the sex, though I do end up consenting**, because he made it seem like that's what I needed to do to \"seal the deal between us\". I told him I loved him.\n\nImmediately afterwards, he tells me he had been trying to get me in bed with him all night. When I asked for clarification, **he told me that he manipulated me into having sex with him, that he didn't love me, and he didn't want to date me.** He said that he was horny and didn't know when he would have the opportunity to have sex again. He told me that now I will be able to get over him, and \"You're welcome\". I was in shock. I left the apartment shaking and in tears, feeling completely betrayed and emotionally and physically violated. The only reason I had had sex with him is because I thought that's what I needed to do for us to get back together. Instead, he was using sex to take revenge against me for rejecting him earlier.\n\nWe actually wound up talking about it and he apologized and said he didn't realize it would hurt me as much as it did. He said that he was hurting and did it out of anger, and he didn't think his actions through. That he realized after we had sex that he didn't want to get back together after all, and saying those things to me was the easiest way he could think of to get me to leave. He has Asperger\u2019s and so it made sense to me that he wouldn\u2019t have been able to predict how much his actions would hurt me, and I felt guilty for breaking his heart by rejecting him.  I believed his explanation and forgave him, though we didn't speak for months afterwards.\n\nI should never have spoken to him again after that incident, but due to my own stupid ideas about love, and my inability to stay mad at anyone I care about (as soon as I see someone is upset, my anger at them tends to just evaporate and I try to comfort them instead of being angry), we ended up briefly seeing each other/sleeping together for a couple weeks. At the end of it **he decided that he needed space and broke things off via text, telling me that I was too clingy and he didn't have the motivation to deal with my problems or our relationship. This happened because I sent him a text asking him if he got home alright after a party, and because I mentioned feeling like he was hot and cold to me**. I was pretty devastated.\n\nI avoided him for a few months and dated someone else briefly, but we have so many mutual friends that when he struck up a friendly conversation with me months after the fact, I became friendly back. Eventually, we entered a friends with benefits situation (I thought I was over him, I was depressed and lonely, and sleeping with someone familiar made me feel good). After several months of us casually sleeping together and being on good terms, I had a night where I felt so depressed and suicidal that I feared I might hurt myself (I was living alone at the time). He had told me in the past that if I ever needed help, he would come to my aid, so I called him, and he said I could come over. He listened to me and held me all night, said I didn\u2019t need to be embarrassed about feeling suicidal, and made me feel better. I ended up admitting to both him and myself that I still had feelings for him, but told him that I wasn't trying to get back together and we could still be friends. I didn\u2019t want to push him or come off as \u201ctoo clingy\u201d.\n\nHe broke things off via text the next week or so. I was pretty upset but pretended not to be. **I had learned that sharing my feelings with him tended to wind up with me getting hurt**. I started seeing a therapist at this point, who encouraged me to tell him my feelings once and for all, and he could decide to get back together or not, but at least everything would be out on the table. So that's what I did.\n\nI sent him a text calmly stating that my feelings hadn't gone away and I realized I still loved him and would want to get back together if he did. But if he didn't, I was going to avoid him for my own sake for a while, and that I wished him the best either way. **He responded that he wished me the best as well, but that nothing was going to happen between us. I said okay, and proceeded not to see him or speak to him for the next month.**\n\nThen I saw him at a mutual friend's birthday party, and we were friendly, though I avoided him for most of the night. By the end of it, though, he had gotten very drunk and was throwing up in my friend's backyard. I ended up taking care of him and feeding him water. I stopped avoiding him after that, and we were friendly with each other, although I did not come on to him at all. Finally, we all went to our separate areas to crash for the night, since we'd all been drinking.\n\n**He comes into my room and wakes me up, climbing into bed with me and saying all these things about how he enjoyed my company so much more than he thought he would, how he appreciated me taking care of him when he was drunk, how he missed seeing me, etc.** I practically started shaking because I was so happy that he came to me...I thought this meant we were going to finally get back together, what I had wanted for months. He also added that he didn't want to promise anything because he didn't know if things were going to work out. I didn't care as long as we were going to give it an honest try. He let me hold him and tell him I love him and invited me back to his apartment. I told him that I could not be his fuck buddy anymore because I had feelings for him and it wasn't good for my mental health, but that if he wanted to date me, we could do that. He said he understood, we ended up sleeping together twice, and he held me all night. I dropped him off the next morning, when he kissed me goodbye and said he'd call me.\n\nA week goes by with no call, no text, zero contact of any kind. The few mutual friends I talked to all speculated that he was probably using me for sex. I was heartbroken, devastated, beyond upset that he had hurt me like this again. I had always thought that the night in August had been a fluke, had been him snapping due to the emotional distress he had gone through because of our breakup. Instead, it appeared that he just didn't care anymore about treating me with any respect, or even treating me like a human being. I didn't contact him, didn\u2019t want him to jump to the excuse that I was being clingy again.\n\nThen he shows up at my apartment for a mutual friend's party that I was partially hosting and acts like nothing happened. When I finally confront him about it, he initially tries to brush me off by saying he just got a summer job and will be too busy for a relationship, but that \"we can have lunch\" sometime. When I call bullshit on that, **he ends up admitting that he doesn't see the two of us dating again; he came to me the night of the party and told me all those sweet things because he was feeling lonely, and I had been nice and taken care of him while he was drunk.** I told him it was not permissible to use me as a comfort toy for the night when he knew I had feelings for him. He apologized and asked what he could do. I asked him to leave my apartment and the party, and he complied.\n\nSaw him again a couple days later at another mutual friend's bday. I was very distant but by the end of the night, we had exchanged a few words and were tentatively friendly. He had seemed genuinely apologetic and upset when I had explained how his actions made me feel. He had assumed I had enjoyed the night as much as he had; I believed him again, because Asperger\u2019s. I left on vacation to visit my family and felt okay about the whole thing.\n\nFast forward a week, and I found out that he had posted something on Reddit about me back when we were friends with benefits. The sentiment behind his comment was that if he had known I was crazy before we started dating, he never would have \"stuck his dick in crazy.\"\n\n**I came to him for help when I was depressed and suicidal. And then I find out he's been posting that I'm crazy on the internet and regrets us ever being together. While pretending to my face that we are on friendly terms, and in fact, continuing to \"put his dick in crazy\", as we were FWB at the time it was posted!!!**\nI confronted him about it, and his response was \"that's creepy\" and \"I don't have the motivation to deal with this. Please leave me alone.\"\n\nI haven't spoken to him since then, and I've been trying to avoid him, although we are in the same friend group so I basically have to choose between hanging out with my friends, and not seeing him. At least I no longer want to be with him. But I don't know how to deal with this.\n\nI feel deceived, betrayed, manipulated, used...off and on for the past year. The reason I fell in love with him was because he used to be so caring to others and demonstrated a strict moral code. He took care of me and slept beside me while I was in the hospital. He dressed me and helped me when my hand was in a cast. He did sweet things like leave my favorite cookies on my desk. He always tried to work with me on our problems. We slept next to each other every night for over a year...I thought I was going to spend my life with this man. Then he turned out to be one of the most deceptive and cold people I've ever known. I know I hurt him, but I don't feel like I deserve this. \n\n**I don't know how I can trust anyone again if it turns out that I'm such an incredibly poor judge of character.** I feel dead inside. Theoretically, I want to fall in love again, but I don't feel like I'm emotionally capable of it anymore. I feel like love is bullshit and get irrationally angry when I see it depicted in movies, TV, etc nowadays. I know that I will end up self sabotaging if I continue to feel this way. I've already gone from an occasional social drinker to smoking pot every day and drinking almost every day. I know it's not a good habit but I want to stop hurting. And I know being jaded towards finding love turns out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I don't know how to stop it.\n\nHow can I find the courage to open myself up again to someone after this? How can I restore my faith in love, that going through all the heartache and bullshit and petty fights is worth it? How can I become happy again?\n\nedit: formatting\n\n",
+      "timestamp": 1371335303.0,
+      "upvotes": 4,
+      "num_comments": 10
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1g60286",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "How do I f35 deal with my mom f56 ?",
+      "sub": "LifeAdvice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/comments/1g60286/how_do_i_f35_deal_with_my_mom_f56/",
+      "content": "\nThis is gonna be a long story but I wanna give you as much of the picture as possible.  I don\u2019t know if my mom has my best interests at heart. I feel thorned between loving my mom and being angry at her. And I felt this way for years.  I dont know if I can forgive if I have to go low contact or what. I don\u2019t know if should trust her. And this are alwayss at the back of my mind.  My psychiatrist are unsure if I have borderline or just adhd plus cptsd and I have always felt so unsure and insecure not knowing what to believe. I don\u2019t know if I can trust my fellings if i am overreacting ect. So i need some opinions here.\n\nBack in 2018 I got engaged. I broke the news to my mom. She waited a few days then tells me that she can\u2019t be in the same wedding as my dad. When I pushed for an explanation why she said it was because my dad r*ped her and I am the result. I confronted my dad and he denied it. My moms story explains why my dad (m58) was distant during my upbringing. He did have me some weekends and holidays wasn\u2019t there that much and also why cooperating and coparenting was so hard for them.  I was still was mad at mom for choosing this moment and time to tell me. Telling me earlier would have explained a lot more. Now a part of me, and I feel bad for this because I didn\u2019t want to disbelieve her, thought seemed like my mom was doing this because she wanted to ruin my wedding? Again I felt guilty for thinking it. \n\nMy grandma , my dad\u2019s mom who don\u2019t know what mom have accused him of, she told me that my mom had been much in love with my dad but maybe he didn\u2019t love her back. I have wondered if my grandma thought mom was  tried to baby-trap dad by having me. This is all speculation but I do not put it beneath my dad that he could let my mom who was in love with him along just to get some and then dump her. And so my mom felt used, and rightly so, but thats not rape. In fact my dad told me that he got a new girlfriend kinda immediate after my mom. He said he broke up with my mom December 1th and had a new girlfriend New Year\u2019s Eve. I am born in late august so I must have been conceived like right around the breakup. Oh and also when I didn\u2019t react like my mom wanted upon she telling me about the rape she said her mother had told her the same ting about her father , meaning my mom also was a result of rape, and mom said that  she reacted in a much different (mening better) way because she was supporting my grandma. After my mom told me about the rape I told her I needed time by my self. She did not respect or understand that even when I try to tell her I wasn\u2019t going no contact, i said to her it wasent me never speaking to her again I just needed some space. She couldn\u2019t handle it. She was calling more than before and also calling my fianc\u00e9.\n\nMy mom and stepdad (m58) was heavily against me doing therapy and mom was after massive asking and beeing unwilling coming with me to my therapist. Mom was all on the defensive and it did not work out well.  \n\nGrowing up my mom and stepdad could not be around my dad. Meaning no Christmas,  graduation or birthday did I get to have both my parents there.  I was wishing selveral times on these ocation to invite booth sides of my family but my mom and stepdad denied me. My parents did not talk to each other at all.\n\n I was born to young parents who had broken up before I was born.  My mom was just 20 when she got pregnant. My dad have previously  told me mom told him she was pregnant when she was 3 months pregnant ( that is also the abortion limit here where I live l) Only time I know my parents has been in the the same room after I was born was my baptaising when I was 4 months old. I only know that because grandma have the pictures to prove it or I wouldn\u2019t have believed it. \n\nStepdad ask me at a really young age why I didnt  call him dad . I remember being confused because surely stepdad knew that I had a dad? And no he did not ask if he cold be my dad too just why I did not call him dad. As an adult  I learnt mom and stepdad  had asked my dad to let my stepdad adopt me and he said no. \n\nAnyway my mom have hugged me once that I can remember during my upbringing. I did not feelt loved by any of my parents or stepparents. Dident feel safe. Where my halfbrother had his own room my \u201croom\u201d was also stepdads office and storage. I identified heavily with Harry Potter sleeping in the broom closet. My other favourite childhood book was Mathilda by Roald Dahl who I also identified with.\n\nWhen I was 12 my stepdad and mom took me to sail around the world for a year . They never asked my dad. I was according to my dad the one to break the news to him that I was leaving the country for a year. My dad also left the country then and was gone for years after we got back so I felt like he abandoned me aswell. I was visiting him abroad but still rarely.\n\nThings I got from my dad mysteriously dissaperd at my mom\u2019s house. Yet my brother got a lot more than me of material stuff because I got things from my dad. My brother had a big soft bed I sleepy on a hard old couch. When I was 13 the \u00abfamily\u00bb ( meaning mom, stepdad, half-brother and I) moved house I wasent allowed to bring a drawer I got from my grandma on my dad\u2019s side. My stepdad denied me..Stepdad also borrowed my radio to listen to as he paint in the new house at this time and I never got it back. I was 13. My stepdad and mom had that new house built but I still had office and storage in \u00abmy\u00bb room that didn\u2019t really felt like mine just like in the old house.\n\nTo mom\u2019s defence she was an alone with her parents living far away when I was born and she was 21. Mom met stepmaskin when i was 8 months.  When I was 3 years old my halfbrother was born and he was really sick and in and out of hospital for years and we thought he might die. I know my mom have trauma from her upbringing aswell. I didn\u2019t know my grandpa well but both my mom and her mother are pretty in unison that he wasn\u2019t a nice person.\n\nMy mom has always been extremely all or nothing. Growing up she either did every thing for me ( as in not guiding me or helling me but just had me out of the way so she could fix it for me) or dident care at all.  There was no middle ground. She is also very pessimistic and nervous something I and my half brother booth have inherited.\n\nIf I try to talk to mom about this stuff and she starts crying . She will say she did as best as she could as a parent. My stepdad will tell me to apologise to my mom for making her cry and accusing them of stuff at this point . So it\u2019s hard to talk about this.  I feel like my dad and mom wanna pretend everything is fine  I don\u2019t wanna let them but as I just explained bringing it up spent do much good either. After the drama around my engagement in 2018 i rote a letter to mom and stepdad and the got store that i accused then of being bad parents when they did there best. So now i have contacts but I realt dont know how i should handle this. My feelings and thoughts around this is just a huge mess.\n\nWhat do I do reddit?\n\nIf you by the end of this gonna ask if i am not angry at my dad I am. I am angry at my dad for not beeing there and even more angry at him if what my mom said about him is true and he r|ped my mom. But the not beeing there my dad and have been able to talk about and sort out. And I did confront him about that other thing and if I find  that he is the one lying here and not my mom I will have to consider my relationship with him. But I don\u2019t have that close contact with that to begin with as I have with mom. \n\nAlso i wanna mention my half siblings. My younger halfsister (f19) , dads other daughter, is studying psychology abroad and seem to be doing well. She is going places. My dad was there for her a lot more than he was for me, I think he realised som mistake his he did the first time around, and while part of me is jealous i am also happy for my sister. Younger halfbrother (m33), is my mom\u2019s other child and he is a bag of low self esteem, depressed with no spine or currage and mom still treats him like a baby. My halfbrother lives in an apartment my stepdad inherit from his parents and  2 minutes drive from my mom\u2019s house. Basically that appartment is just a fancy replacement my mom\u2019s basment. My mom cleans his place follow him to doctors appointments and basically do anything for him. He was admitted to the psycward for a psychotic breakdown last year.  He have prior to that had a brain tumour removed. He does need some help but he is not so disabled as  my mom pretends. I dont want my mom to baby me as she does with my brother but she does not do anything for me at all when i have nerder help , thats the all or notting with my mom.  Mom and step dad are very controlling over him. I mention my halfsiblings on both sides because if they are any indication of who\u2019s the better parent I think my dad.\n \nI was unsure if familyadvice or emotinal advice was most correct for this so if i used the wrong flair i am sorry. ",
+      "timestamp": 1729195575.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 7
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "196qzsk",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Thank you for judging me based on your speculative presumptions about my emotional state",
+      "sub": "offmychest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/196qzsk/thank_you_for_judging_me_based_on_your/",
+      "content": "Thanks for letting me know that me basking comfortably in the present moment is an astringent to your emotions.\n\nI especially like being told your opinions without any curiosity for my own. \n\nThank you for assuming responsibility of a biological process that started long ago.\n\nPain grows inside of my body, a place you somehow already call home.\n\nThen you try to mind my messes, while making more of your own. \n\nBut my favorite part of all.\n\nIs when my boundaries became your enemy.\n\nWorthy of a direct offensive attack. \n\n\"But MY feelings!\" You cried as you continued to lambast my personal space, trying to get into parts of me I don't want anyone near. I'd care about them more if they weren't made from your own fear. \n\n*I let you in, now do the same for me.'* I hear your silent plea.\n\nI never asked you to compromise your values. \n\nI'd rather flee than continue to let you treat me.\n\nTo a life of imprisonment in your Hallucinated happy family. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nBackstory:\n\nI hooked up with a girl who wanted too much intimacy too quickly, she reminded me of several other horrible people in my life and it made me throw up a lot of boundaries. I tried subtle boundaries and redirects, I reassured her as well. I felt I was being gently and subtle but she kept demanding more emotional labor for feelings too strong to be connected to a single night. She kept pushing to connect and I told her I wasn't interested anymore, and she made it seem like I was hurting her on purpose and that only her feelings mattered anymore, completely invalidating my feelings and assuming ill intent rather than considering she was making me uncomfortable by putting that much emotion on me. I have people do this a lot where I just say I like, or not like, or am interested, or am not interested in certain things and they take it super personally. I got yelled at for not liking mouthwash, a random book, and other random nitpicks on use of my language. I'm not talking big issues here. I'm also guilty of going off on people like this in the past and being a human as well I understand the roots, that's how I know she was in the wrong. \n\nHate to tell ya but I put up those boundaries to **act** on my feelings, not just feel them. I feel the need to do that, so how do you think I feel? Or do you not think about the other person at all until they're crying, pleading, screaming on the floor just to ask for space?\n\nI will no longer engage with folks who weaponize their feelings, becoming a perpetual victim over hallucinated slights. If I don't like a book or movie that you like it doesn't mean I hate you. If I say I don't like something, stop doing it to me. Is it that hard to engage in conversation about the best way for us to treat each other in lieu of the current offer? Belittling my boundary in order to get your way isn't exactly attractive, it just pushes me away.\n\nI will also run from anyone who presumes my satisfaction with my present moment is some kind of judgement on them. I've noticed a trend of people in my life who presume silence = unhappy, judging, 'in a mood.' Y'all are the most dangerous people on the planet. It's insane that I am sitting neutral, reassuring sometimes even, only to be told I am upset or ignoring you for minding my business or telling you I'm not judging you right now. No explanation or apology can heal the wound made inside of you by someone else a long time ago, but you sure do make me try. \n\nI am sorry you are in pain and not happy with myself for hurting you but I also understand that I didn't really do anything wrong, you hurt yourself with your own expectations, assumptions & perspective on the situation by attaching preexisting conditions to the offer. Throw the projector out of your baggage and look at me for who I am. I'm just sitting here scrolling reddit with zero thoughts in my head, why are you trying to fight? I am done putting up a fight to defend myself, I will just leave from now on. I hate ghosting, I like to give people a chance, but cutting off my head to spite my mouth isn't worth the risk. \n\nI'd like to tell the world that giving someone a boundary is an act of tenderness. If someone is giving you a boundary it is because they want to keep you in their life, not to push you away. Ask why. Why do they feel like that? How can I make them feel safer around me? What can I do to help them and be helped by them in return to make this a mutually satisfactory relationship? I'm plenty guilty of treating people this way, I have mastered the art of give and take. I used to run from the parts inside of others I hate in myself. Now I'm trying to run towards the parts I love. I know it hurts to see me move away from you, but if you want to join me I hope to see you at the end. ",
+      "timestamp": 1705268249.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "119v5wq",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I Don't Know How to Title This But I Need To Vent About My Oldest Sister",
+      "sub": "offmychest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/119v5wq/i_dont_know_how_to_title_this_but_i_need_to_vent/",
+      "content": "Before I get into the \"off my chest\" I need to provide some context and background on my family situation. (Sorry in advance if anything is spelled wrong, I'm writing this at 3 AM) also the events that lead up to this post started all the way back in 2019 when the context starts up until present day (2/23/23)\n\n***Context/Background***:\n\nMy mom was a teen mom and had my oldest sister(27) at 17/18. My oldest sister grew up watching my mother struggle to provide and work through life as a young mother. Her father is kind of in the picture (she's technically my haft sister, we have different dads but we've always considered each other full siblings) but I don't fully know her relationship with her father, I do know that she only really talks to her father if she has to and she spends more time with his side rather than him.\n\nWhen my mom got with my dad which resulted in me and my twin, my sister had a hard time connecting with my dad due to how she viewed her dad at the time. I also know that something happened between my mom and dad to cause them to get a divorce (I don't know the full reasons but I can guess it was because my dad had anger issues and violent tendences, I don't know for sure and try not to think about it too much because my parents are on good terms right now and I don't wanna ruin my view of my dad) but I know that my sister knows the reason why they got divorced. So in my opinion my sister is very wary to trust others.\n\nMy sister also got married at an early age to what we(My family) would later learn was an asshole so that didn't help her in learning to better trust people (again I don't know full context but her Ex-husband used to be a family friend but burned all his bridges with us so we can only assume) but she ended up cheating on her Ex with current BF/Baby-daddy (Me and my family don't really know her and BF's full situationship right now, it'll get explained)\n\n***The Story/Off My Chest (It's very long, sorry)***:\n\nMy sister got pregnant my sophomore year of high school, and I was so unbelievably excited and happy that I was going to be an aunt. It was quite literally the only thing I was excited about that year. everything (from my perspective) seemed amazing, my sister's BF was happy and ecstatic and everyone in my family loves him and my sister (My family is a very open very welcoming family, all friends have always felt like family and my parents and step parent have made a point that anyone can call them for anything) so we welcomed sisters BF and the new baby excitedly.\n\nThen covid happened, my twin and I were stuck at home doing online school and babysitting our niece since at the time my sister and her BF lived a block away from us.\n\nOne night Sister's BF came over with Niece worried because he didn't know where Sister was. He had been calling her and texting her but she ignored him, we later learned that Sister was out with her Friend(None of us in the family really care for this friend but Sister has been friends with this person since High School(Friend was also a teen mom and I feel my sister got a lot of her parent advice from this friend). My mom, my twin and I were listening to Sister's BF talk about how worried he was, and learned that this wasn't the first time that siter would disapear to hangout with firends and not respond to him. Then sister comes into the house drunk with Friend trailing behind. Sister starts yelling at BF and Friend tags in on the yelling and BF is holding Niece and she starts to cry (I don't remember how old she was but it was under a year)\n\nSister then screams \"Give me my daughter!\" and my mom tried to deescalate the situation but sister keeps yelling \"My daughter's crying give her to me!\" and friend doesn't help (I had a panic attack due to the yelling and had to leave halfway thought the fight and take time to myself in my room). As I'm in my room I hear Sister and Friend yelling at my mother how my mom doesn't support/care for Nieces safety and how mom doesn't love her which upset my mother and she asked sister to leave and said they could talk when she was sober.\n\nBF ended up taking Niece back to their place and Sister spends the night at Friends house(After my mom made sure she was okay, despite the fact that Sister and friend caused my mom to burst into tears), however my sister the whole time was begging my mom, step-dad, twin and I to go over and take BF's guns (He's a responsible gun owner, has a permit for all of his guns and keeps them in a safe/lockbox that is out of reach from their kids) so to put sister's mind at ease, we all went over to check on BF and make sure he and Niece here okay.\n\nThat was the very first incident.\n\nOver covid my Sister and her BF would stop by the house constantly to vent about the other, sister even spend the night with niece a few times (No one had ever told us the full story but my mother has always stated that the house/spare room is open if anyone needs it) over time Sister and BF moved into a new place and just after New Years they announced they were having another baby (From this point on I'll be referencing my nieces as N1 and N2)\n\nN1 was just over a year old when we all found out about sister's pregnancy. Once again we were all over the moon. N2 was born and right away Sister and BF were making comments about how easy of a baby N2 was compared to N1 in the first few months. Once again sister started to disappear to hangout with friends and not respond to BF.\n\nWhile I don't have kids, I understand more than anyone when you need time to yourself to destress and relax and be an adult and not a parent. I know parenting is a very hard and often unappreciated job. However she would give a notice saying she was gonna be about for like 3 hour and be out for 6+ without a cutesy text of \"I'm gonna be out longer than I thought\" I under stand if sister was dealing with PPD and this was her way of cooping with it but I don't know if she had PPD with both of her pregnancies, but the least she could have done was let someone know since BF would come over/call/text asking all of my family if we had heard from sister when we hadn't.\n\nSister got better after a while, then just before N1's second birthday party she got a DUI and was in jail for the weekend(A lot happened in that weekend but I'll spare you the details) Sister got interlock for her car and would time out when she could and couldn't drink (which sometimes worked and sometimes didn't) but Sister and BF had started looking at houses.\n\nOnce they found a house, and my Mom and Step-dad helped them but a payment down (After my mom and Step-dad had already helped them out by bailing sister out of jail, and helping BF pay for a new car (just in case anyone was wondering, my mom works at a gas station and my step-dad at a cold storage warehouse))\n\nJust as quick as my mom and Step-dad gave Sister and BF money for the house, they broke up. for months we didn't know what happened. Then I found out: I worked with my sister, she got my a job at her work at the start of covid. I had learned about my sister's regular (Will be referred to as R) R and sister would hang out a lot when he came into our work and that's how I and my family learned that sister had cheated with R.\n\nI know all of this sounds like I'm just airing out laundry and I am because I've dealt with the BS of this situation for 3 years now, but I'm also putting it in so you understand where I come from when writing this.\n\nFor the longest time N1 would have freak outs over going back and forth with Sister and BF while N2 was still too young to know what was happening. But everything seemed fine with Sister and R being together and BF had started to look for someone as well.\n\nBut my family noticed how sister was trying to shut BF out of our lives, my twin and I's graduation party: BF and his Dad and Step-mom came and we were excited to have them there then sister showed up with R (she asked me if it was okay that he came(I said I didn't care) but not twin(she did care))and basely forced BF and his family to leave with N1 and N2 after only being there for an our and a half (Just one instance)\n\nI suppose I had more insight to the situation at the time since I worked with my sister, then out work shut down and I stopped seeing her regularly. Maybe my family didn't reach out to Sister enough to make sure she was okay and to see what was happening but anytime any of us tried she would never respond or just awkwardly brush it off.\n\nI feel like I'm making sister out to be the only one at fault and that's not what I'm trying to do but BF would always just reach out to us to let us know what was going on in his life (his parents live out of state, we're the only family near him) and this is the father of my Nieces I do was to have a good relationship with him since he's going to be apart of the rest of my life whether I want him to be or not. Where as Sister wouldn't tell my family anything, even me (We've always been the closest to each other, Even closer than me and my twin, she helped me with my mental issues and my sexuality and was the first person I ever came out too, she's always helped me so much and I've always tried to do the same with her)\n\nIn this time (after sister and I lost our jobs, sister got a new job) my Twin had been babysitting for Sister since the start of covid and had the agreement that Twin would get paid regularly to watch Nieces WHILE sister and BF where WORKING. Sometime in 2022, Sister started lying/exaggerating what she was doing in order to get my sister, me, my mom, or my grandmother to babysit. While Twin hadn't been paid in months and if she was it was a \"daily\" amount rather than a \"weekly\" even though my Twin would be watching the girls during the day most of the week (BF works as a UPS driver, sister was between restaurant jobs)\n\nOne day, sister claimed she had to work and would pick up the N1 and N2 (now two and one) later to got to the store. TWO hours past when she's normally done, I understand having to work later however she never gave us an update saying \"Hey I'm gonna be working later\" (Working with sister as a server/Bartender I know what it's like to have to stay later but it was afternoon turning night, it wasn't even close to the time of dinner rush when she got off, but even during a rush you can still let someone know \"hey I need to text my babysitter to let them know I'm gonna be late\") nothing until Twin asked what was happening with the Nieces.\n\nSister said she had to go to dinner with her boss then a wine tasting. Mind you she still had Interlock in her car, meaning she wouldn't have been able to drive to get her kids and wanted my mom to drive the girls home when she said she'd pick them up.\n\nI'd had enough (I help Twin babysit but it's mostly just Twin) and Twin is nonconfrontational so I texted Sister a very long and detailed message about how unfair it is that she's doing all of these things and not telling us when it affects us and our plans and how at her age she wasn't watching Sister and I all the time and how she still got to go out and do things where as twin was essentially on call 24/7 weather she wanted to be or not since sister more or less started lying about what she was doing and where she was going.\n\nI told her that Twin was to watch the girls when her and BF were at WORK, not a dinner and wine tasting or to hang out with friends. She told us the hours she worked and I understand working a little later but it was 2 almost 3 hour past when we were told we'd be watching Nieces and how we expected her to be there when she got off work and how it was unfair to us.\n\nShe couldn't have told us sooner (Again it had been two coming up three hours since she'd gotten off of work at this point) and I will admit this was a low blow but I made a point of saying that BF always let us know when he'd be late or his route ran longer or made a point of asking us if it was okay that we watch N1 and N2 longer BEFORE he decided if he was going to go hang out.\n\nSister sent back a very passive aggressive long response, guilt tripping Twin and I saying how she was doing two jobs for shit money and have no support (she had me, my sister, my mom, my grandma, my step-dad, my uncle) and how we watched them maybe twice a week(At the agreement she made with Twin it was twice a week but had grown and we would have to watch them unexpectedly bc Sister wouldn't answer her door when BF would drop the Nieces off in the morning so he dropped them off with twin and I) she reiterated how Twin agreed to babysit when N1 was born and that she hadn't paid Twin because she was \"only\" watching Nieces twice a week. She said that she was trying to get ahold of BF two get them (It was Sister's night to have the girls so he didn't thing he'd be needed to get them) and said it was totally fine for BF to skip out on have the girls but if she did it, it was a big deal (I can't speak for when BF and sister would to trade offs but for me and Twin, BF always let us know when things were happening and if they were happening that he'd be late, etc.)\n\nSister said that when she tried to update we would give her attitude and that we give her no support and that we were putting BF on a pedestal (I can see how it looks like that to her but he was just doing the basic curtesy and we ONLY got an update form her AFTER twin asked what was happening with N1 and N2)\n\nShe then said she'd pick up the Nieces soon and that she'd have one less job and be unable to pay her rent.\n\nTwin and I then explained that if Sister said she'd be here at a certain time we expect her to be there at said time. Sister then said that she communicated the change in plans with us (Again only after Twin asked her what was happening)\n\nWe ended up taking N1 and N2 out to our grandparents house (After telling Sister where to pick them up) and sister proceeded to call Grandma and rant about Twin and I while we were there and thankfully Grandma said \"They're 18(Twin and I are now 19) did you want to be watching babies at their age?\" and calmed Sister down.\n\nThe weeks after that were tense but we put up with it. We later found out that Sister resigned from one of her jobs in this big email that threw My family under the bus saying she had \"no reliable support system of childcare\" we learned about this email through a family friend's sibling who worked with my sister at the job, to this day I don't think sister knows that we know about this email.\n\nMore time passes and I notice Sister started to wear this really nice ring on her ring finger and so I started to speculate that R had proposed to her because she would wear this ring with everything, sweat suits, comfy clothes, etc and she wouldn't wear any other jewelry with it (I was right even thought my family didn't thing so)\n\nAnd eventually things seemed fine, we all had a routine with each other of who would watch nieces and when.\n\nThen November of 2022, Sister and R brake up and BF and his partner at the time break up and Sister and BF start hanging out. After nearly two years. My family didn't know what was happening but if Sister and BF were trying to work it out, we could only hope for a good outcome. (We don't know what happened and we only learned that sister and R were engaged because Sister talked to my Aunt and said she had two engagement rings that she had to give back to R)\n\nSister had moved in with BF and it was how it was before strangely peacefully, this seems bad but my family and I were/still are waiting for the other shoe to drop.\n\nI don't know if all of these happened in the order I'm about to write because recently its all been a blur but as of last month (Jan 2023) Two main things have happened.\n\n1# Sister filed a restraining order against R (I only found out because I had to print the forms for her because her printer was out of ink)\n\nNext is what scared the shit out of me the most and is part of the reason why I'm venting/writing this post. Sister and BF had always said how N2(now 2) is so much easier to take care of than N1 (Now 4) and it's often held against N1. Since N1 is 4 and often had tantrums BF and Sister will Raise their voice and get irritated at N1 when she doesn't want to leave, put her shoes on, essentially when N1 is being 'difficult' even though she's 4.\n\n2# N1 had woken from a nap and didn't want Sister to got to work so N1 when into Twin's room (She often hangs out in there when she gets overwhelmed) Twin didn't want her in the room at the time and was trying to get N1 out without causing her to throw a fit more than she already was. Sister while holding N2 then grabs N1 but the shirt and brings her out of Twins room and she starts screaming \"Leave me alone\" because she was scared that Mom just picked her up in a way that wasn't really nice and that scared her and caused her to freak out more than she already was.\n\nat this point sister had already said when she got to the house that she was late for work (She seems to always be late, you'd think living half an hour away from the house and having two kids you'd learn to leave the house ealier than you need to (a conversation me, Twin, and my mom had since my mom had sister and me and Twin) but you'd thing since sister was late for work she would have just left and let Twin and I deal with N1.\n\nNope, after grabbing N1 she 'tried' to get her to calm down (I say tried but sister spoke very aggressively to N1, I understand not wanting to leave your kid upset but A) Sister was already very agitated that she was late B) the whole reason why Twin and I are there is to watch N1 and N2, go so you're not late) but Sister proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs at N1 \"KNOCK IT OFF\" and then went over to the couch and aggressively laid N1 down and held her hands and loudly \"talked\" to her.\n\nJust before Sister yelled at N1 I was about to grab N1 from Sister and tell her to go to work but then she yelled at N1 and I froze and started to freak out and have a panic attack so I had to take a minute because I didn't want to scare N1 by having her see me freak out (I had a panic attack and I wasn't even the one who got yelled at so it Absolut breaks my heart to think how terrifying it must have been for N1)\n\nI don't really remember what fully happened but Sister left for work and N1 eventually calmed down after Twin and I left her alone (It's the only way she calms down after fits) and N1 was very quite the rest of the day and so Twin and I were very gentile with both girls (Because N2 is still too young to care/fully know what's going on) we had a movie day and just were lazy and had a bunch of snacks.\n\nwhile playing with Twin, Twin told N1 that she was sorry Sister yelled at her and asked if she was okay, N1 didn't really answer but she seemed fine and gave Twin and hug and then gave me a hug.\n\nThen later, we were all relaxing again watching YouTube kids (At the request of N1 while N2 napped) and a song about Mommies came on, and N1 started to try but was holding her breath (I knew she was doing it because growing up when I didn't want to cry I would hold my breath too) and eventually she got up and asked Twin if she could go into her room and Twin said yes and she and N1 hung out in Twin's room and I changed the video.\n\nTwin told me that N1 was distracting herself with things in twins room to stop her from crying.\n\nOnce my mom got home from work I told her we needed to have a talk after the girls got picked up and when she asked why I just told her \"after the girls are picked up\"\n\nThe Nieces got picked up later that night by BF and it was just my mom, my Twin and I in the living room when Twin and I told Mom what had happened, and I started crying as we explained it. I understand being stressed as a parent and having to work and being late, and having your Ex harass you/your family but the fact that you would full on scream at your kid over something as little.... I can't further explain on that but you get my point hopefully.\n\nMom, Twin and I all talked about how Sister still doesn't really tell us anything (The only one she really talks to is my grandma) as well as how N1 is young but should probably be in therapy because\n\nA) she never got the sit down talk of \"You're gonna be a big sister\" all she knows is that N2 showed up one day and she wasn't getting as much attention. B) Mommy and Daddy fought... a lot. C) Mommy and Daddy didn't live together and was going back and forth between Mom's place, Dad's place, Grandma's place, and Great Grandma's place. D) Mommy and Daddy are back together?\n\nBF and Sister wonder why N1 freaks out so much and doesn't like it when they leave it's because she already has the fear that she's never gonna see them again/doesn't know when she'll see them again.\n\nWe then came to the conclusion that BF, Sister, N1 and N2 should all be in family therapy if not for each other than at least to figure out how to deal with N1 when she had freak out instead of getting upset with her.\n\nWe figured this out because Sister always tells N1 that if someone dose something she doesn't like to say \"No Thank You\" and move away. However, whenever N1 says this to Sister and \"Leave me alone\" sister will get in her space when she freaks out. \\*Cough\\* hypocrite...\n\nbut my mom said to tell Grandma about it since Grandma is the only person Sister is really sharing info with right now.\n\nAt the time of writing this (Feb 2023) there haven't been any indicines but whenever Sister picks up or drops off the girls I'm always afraid the events above will happen again.\n\nI know that I'm not a parent and can never understand the stress that BF and Sister are under as parents but there are times when they out loud ask why they're parents and it takes everything in my to not yell at them \"If you weren't ready for kids you shouldn't have had them/gotten an abortion\" which is such a horrible wish because I love my Nieces more than the world and I would do anything for them at the drop of a hat but I wonder what happens when we're not around.\n\nI wonder how much the Nieces deal with, and I wonder deep in my mind, would the Nieces/Sister/BF have been better off not being here? Because Twin and I know from first had experience the trauma that happens at early ages in life and what can come of them.\n\nI'm not trying to bash BF and Sister as parents but YOU decided to deal with this when you both chose to have N1 and further this when having N2.\n\nIf you know me in real life and know who I'm talking about I don't care. I've had it, I'm tired of venting to my friend about how stupid the situation is even thought they've heard it a million times over. Show it to Sister and BF, don't show them.\n\nAs of writing this it's 5:10 AM and I really don't care but at least now you have my side of the story.",
+      "timestamp": 1677150650.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 5
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "yeox4s",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Contemplating Cancer.",
+      "sub": "offmychest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yeox4s/contemplating_cancer/",
+      "content": "Firstly, this is a burner acc, I don't want this info linked to my original account. Secondly, I really just need a space to lay this out. Anyhow, so, I think I have cancer. No, I'm sure I've got cancer. I've got about 95% of the signs and symptoms. Most of the symptoms I've recognized suggests cancer in my reproductive system, I should mention that I am a female, 22 y/old, there are no signs of breast cancer. I've experienced specific signs for each of the 5 different types of reproductive cancers in females, weekly but not consistent pains/sensations in my ovary/fallopian tube/pelvic/vulva region. I get weird lower back pain sometimes and fleeting feelings of nausea. I urinate 2-3 times more than the average person, this started at 19. Sometimes there's a slight painful sensation when urinating. I've always had irregular periods since i was 12. I'd skip about 3 months at a time and get it for 2-3 weeks. I used birth control for a bit, about 2 years ago, I now bleed more often but still skip a month or two and only bleed for a week. A few months ago I got my period twice in one month. I am also definitely infertile, no doubts and too much evidence. I've a BRCA gene mutation. My dad and grandma died from cancer. It's definitely in my genes, I have 4 other siblings from my dad, one of us is bound to get cancer. I used to smoke cigarettes. I was a daily smoker for 9 years, I successfully quit a month ago. I've got HPV, or had, probably still have it. I self-diagnosed after considering the warts that congregated on my lady parts and my very active sex life involving multiple persons at a time when I was 18 turning 19. I used protection but there are various ways of std's spreading besides PIV penetration. HPV is a high risk of cervical cancer and other types of cancer. Anyway, so now I don't know what to do, I have a very different view of life and while I'm not depressed, miserable or suicidal, I do feel that death=freedom. I have no motivation for wanting to live, and not because my life sucks, I am actually quite happy. I have a calm life, no stress or hurt and I get to do what I want. I do not feel a need for anything, I have everything I need and want to be happy. I don't desire a full life, I am beyond satisfied with the life I've lived because I've lived it to my standards so ultimately, it's enough for me. I do not see the need to be trapped until I am 60-80 y/old. I've made peace with my inability to reproduce, I positively accept not wanting a family or a kid.  I have siblings i am close with. I exclude all my other family because family=maintenance and unnecessary energy and mind space wasted, same goes with friends. I am single, I know enough about relationships to know that it is a sacrifice of the self at the expense of love which i regard as an unreliable trade, one i don't desire to make. I prefer my solitude and a safe space to think and process so I'm not at all socially active, besides reddit. I have no ambition/s, never have had, not that I don't have the capacity, I studied for a while and I did/do well under pressure, but studying was not my choice, I was a puppet. I dropped out when I could, despite enjoying the knowledge I was acquiring. I prefer to have space to explore whatever interests me in the present moment. Also, if we are always growing and experiencing new things each day then what makes us happy should always be changing because our perception and understanding is always evolving so thus, my only ambition is to be happy, which I am. I have found immense pleasure in a life reduced to simplicity. I want nothing more than to have a 7-4 job that is not at all stressful, a income I am satisfied with, as little friends and family as necessary, not one thing that stresses me out, a safe space to think, no or very little exposure to the negativity of society and the ability to make my own decisions, all of which I have. We're all held captive by our family, friends, society, religion, politics, our bodies and by ourselves, I have made most of the necessary changes to be as free as possible. I have a very limited responsibility to family with only 3 sisters that i actively maintain. I have 2 friends, one old and one new, I could live without them easily since i barely feel the need to be in contact with or see them frequently. I do what i can to remove myself from society as much as possible, i try to keep my views and opinions to myself and listen objectively, i also always challenge my views and opinions derived from society to establish my honest perception and not a secondhand perception. I disassociate from societal norms mostly and only follow them to blend in. I do not identify with any religious or political stands. My body i cannot be free of, but I do what I can to make this easier, i workout daily and I watch what i put into my body. Until I finish learning how to disassociate from my past and to extract the self from the circumstance, I will always be a prisoner of life. Of myself. I just feel like there is nothing more for me to live for besides more of what i already have. Even if i manage to disassociate, which i am finding a terrible but exciting challenge, what does that change? Sure, i won't be a prisoner of my circumstances anymore but i will still be a prisoner of some sorts, held captive by the restriction of my body and this beautiful earth plagued by humanity. I prefer it to just all stop. I want complete freedom, the taste of it i have has helped me realize how much i really want this. Now, I'm not gonna kill myself but my reaction to my cancer speculation plays an important role. If i get tested, i do not want my life to be consumed by the worry of having cancer and treating it to avoid progression or death. I know cancer might be one of the worst things to have and die from, you fade out of life slowly and painfully, i've seen it enough to know how distasteful it is, because of this i have also found a way to comprehend it in a manner that makes it easier for me to accept it so i don't fear dying from cancer, perhaps it's my karma for the fucked up things i've done, i have a habit of befriending karma though, this also makes it easier for me to fathom having cancer. And if i do treat it, wtf am i treating it for, to live more of the life i am living, even though this life is a good life, i do not possess such greed. I also do not want to protest the natural order of things, we live and we die, the time period of this does not change anything as it all leads to the same thing. So now i am contemplating my next step in my cancer speculation; should i get tested and what will it really change.",
+      "timestamp": 1666868350.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 1
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "8wqg7l",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I'm in so much distress after what happened. I need to be able to go back in time.",
+      "sub": "offmychest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/8wqg7l/im_in_so_much_distress_after_what_happened_i_need/",
+      "content": "Unfortunately there are not a lot of places where I can post this on reddit without getting removed because of the content. I'm hoping I can gain clarity of my situation better and talk out my feelings. \n\nI'm in a very awkward situation and I'm really in shock about what's happened in the last two days. I know you can't tell me what someone else is feeling, but I'd like to get some clarity about my own feelings and from someone not going through this. \n\nFor some background: I have known this person for over 10 years. He is an active military member. We do not live near each other since he lives in another state. During winter break, he came home for leave. He was married. A bunch of my friends were around and we all got drunk and had a great evening. That night, we hooked up. It was sort of surreal, since we had been friends for so long and didn't realize that tension was there until afterward. From then on, for the rest of his leave we would meet up. He told me he was glad it happened and that he knew he needed to get divorced. On another night, after some drinking, we talked about \"what this is.\" obviously, he didn't want any kind of relationship. I know that. But I still was upset because I just want feel loved again and he filled that void for me. It was exciting and it meant more to me than just sex. I felt stupid after that conversation and thought I could bury my feelings. He got divorced a couple of months ago, which I just learned. He does not communicate very much, or well. \n\n\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\n\nSome time later, I had been thinking about taking a trip with all of our friends somewhere new. We talked about it for a long time. My friends all bailed except for him. We thought it would be really fun for just us to go. So we did. Somehow, I thought maybe this might be more than just sex. \n\nI know he has been dating around between this time, and that makes sense since he just got divorced. He was, as my friend put it, \"on the tinder train in days\". I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me a little bit. I haven't been with anyone else since I had been with him. Our mutual best friend has told me that he acts like he's in a relationship with a girl only to bail or act like \"it's not really a relationship\" when I told him this story. That he gets angry and hypersensitive when the girl becomes vocal about feelings or rightly expresses that what they are doing is more than just sex. (you don't go on a 4 day trip with someone when it's just sex do you?) This only is relevant because it seems to play into this idea of \"being in control\" and he made it a big point to bring up that I got upset in the next part. \n\nOn day 1 of our trip, we had a great day walking around the city, and then we got pretty drunk in the night. I could sense his feelings were a little different from last time. You'd think after 6 months, as soon as we entered our room he'd be all over it right? He wasnt. I had to initiate and move things along. That's ok, but not what I expected. \n\nWe came back to our hotel after the night ended and had sex. I was very drunk, and I think he was too. I had at least 5 drinks that night and I am a small girl. I wasn't aware of where we were walking and completely had trust in him to get us where we needed to be. I remember waking up feeling shitty and I didn't remember everything that happened the night before. He acted extremely weird all day, he didn't want to touch me and I asked him what was wrong. I noticed he didn't say good morning to me, and he took a long shower. He didn't want to talk about it. \n\nHe later told me what happened when I asked again. He says that at the hotel, I raped him. He says that I was aggressive and he feels that he was raped. That if it were reversed, he would be in jail. I am in shock. I am in a sexual relationship with this person by nature, and I would never do anything harmful to him on purpose. I feel awful because I can't remember exactly what happened. I know that we were having consensual, rough sex minutes before. I know he finished, and I didnt. I know that at one point I began crying because I think he choked me too hard. I had been feeling aches in my neck/shoulders for days. I think that I could have felt bad for crying, that I messed up the session and wanted to make him feel like we could keep going, but I'm not sure. I remember blowing him, wanting to make him feel good. And then feeling very frustrated because he didn't seem into me, and I think those feelings were connected to previous conversations and earlier in the day. That he didn't feel the same way about me as he did months earlier. At that point, I stopped, and we went to sleep. If he said \"no\" or \"stop\" I can't remember that part. He also mentioned that I've been acting like we're in a relationship, that he can do as he pleases, and that he was very bothered that I got upset at the bar and wouldn't tell him what was wrong when he asked me. (I believe we were taking about our feelings, and I felt hurt that he could come all the way across the country with me and not feel anything towards me other than wanting sex)\n\nI have had it happen to me before, where I began crying during sex and then felt guilty about ruining the sex by crying, wanted to compensate. That its ok, we can continue. But being drunk, I couldn't comprehend what was going on. It's the only reason I can think of. I would never willfully rape someone. I can't remember if I was really aggressive like he said that I was. I felt that that was the type of sex he wanted because that is what we were doing. If I had known he was uncomfortable, I would have stopped. \n\nSince he brought this up, I have been apologizing so much and trying to explain what a misunderstanding this is. But he says he feels he was raped. That he doesn't know how to talk about it. And that he definitely doesnt want to talk to me about it. He's the type that will keep everything inside. I feel like, given our relationship and sexual experiences, that this is being blown out of proportion - which I feel awful about saying because I don't want to invalidate feelings. He has been pretending to be ok for the last day or so, but when night rolls around, he ignores me completely, raises his voice to me when I want to discuss it, and then roams the streets to do whatever while I am by myself in a hotel room of a strange city. I am trying to give him space. \n\nI can't eat, and I feel sick about this. I have lost a good friend, I'm confused, and in shock that this could even happen. I sent him a long message explaining how I care about him, that he is free to do what he likes and that I understand we aren't in a relationship. That I know to give him space. He says that regardless of my feelings it still happened and I can't take it back. i can apologize and apologize again, but that I think it might be best for me to go home. We both spent alot of money to be here, he says he is going to stay until his flight out. I decided to have the hotel get me my own room. I didn't tell him this. He has not spoken to me. He doesn't seem to care one ounce about how I feel about this. If he feels how he feels, I suppose that makes sense, but given how long we have been friends, I feel that I wouldn't have reacted this way. I just got home from the airport because I don't want to be alone in a strange city for another week. I told my parents, and a mutual best friend about what happened and they all are saying there's probably something more going on that I don't see. That something just seems off, given his recent life changes and dating situation. \n\nIs it possible there is something going on that doesn't have to do with me? He buries himself in his phone and has been messaging other friends and women all day long, even though I have expressed how rude this is. This all feels so extreme to me. I'm finding it hard to come to terms with the idea that this really could have happened. I don't want to invalidate someone else's feelings or someone's trauma either. And I know speculating doesn't fix the situation at all. \n\nI am so guilt-ridden about something that I don't even know if I did. I have lost a very good friend. I can't cope with the idea that I could have raped someone albeit someone I care so much about. I feel that we were both very drunk, and in a sexual relationship. I truly thought that what we were doing was consensual and that nothing I was doing was out of the norm. I keep going over it in my head to piece the night together but parts just aren't coming back. It makes me sick to think we may never speak again, and I can't stop crying about this. I miss him, I feel sad that he feels this way, and that he is likely repulsed by me. I am in complete disbelief. \n\nThis has made me reconsider how I get consent from partners and I don't feel safe drinking like this in this context anymore. I think I need to speak with a therapist about this. I tried the RAINN chat which showed me how to find one, and some other resources but i still feel helpless. \n\nI hope I can feel better about this soon, but all I want to do is sleep the day away, delete social media and be in my hole. \n\nTLDR; I (25F) went on a vacation with a good friend and fwb (25M). We had drunk sex. He feels I raped him.",
+      "timestamp": 1530936083.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "75v0f6",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "i'm in a dead end relationship, moving, and feel like a failure. send advice?",
+      "sub": "offmychest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/75v0f6/im_in_a_dead_end_relationship_moving_and_feel/",
+      "content": "advice is welcome. I just really need a friend right now since mine are busy. \nI've been in a relationship for 2.5 years at the start it was great up until the 8 month mark. he started seeing his friends, pushing me away, name calling, and started behavior that is what a lot of people call \"gas lighting\". tried breaking up back then but we got back together. in the meantime, i was studying at a school i absolutely hated. my parents would not let me transfer and i did not have the financial resources/car to transfer. basically i ended up 1 class short of official graduation & was able to finally transfer to a school that i did like, w/ the major that I finally wanted. within the next few months ill have both degrees and then will hopefully start work / masters program. so after getting back together things were better for a bit, we tried to work on the relationship. i noticed despite the changes to my life i still didn't feel happy or anywhere near satisfied. after my 1st school, i had also moved back to my parents house since i was able to commute from there to my new (and current school). living at home only lasted a few months, my mom basically had a midlife crisis, divorced my father, and rearranged the house to let in her low life boyfriend. being a small house, and my sister a slob who hordes clothes and junk, i was sleeping on the floor. they had gotten rid of my bed and other furniture a few years before this and given me a blow up mattress. but there was no room to blow it up after her bf moved in and she switched up all the bedrooms. that's when i pretty much moved in with my boyfriend, it was nice at first to have a better environment free of the yelling and family drama. i really liked it. however, he didn't like it and was yelling at me at 1st telling me i need to get out, he needs his space. i packed my bag, phoned my parents, and went to leave. as i went for the door he begged me to stay, saying its good for me to be with him & that it'll be good for our relationship. i stayed. things go okay then, we help each other cook, clean, and watch tv together. i'm on top of my school work, getting really great grades, and really liked the more positive environement. i loved being able to sleep next to him, cuddle him, and being able to have friends over/ stay up late/ socially drink without getting yelled at by parents. but, i also started to really get to know my boyfriend. it turns out he is not who he says he was, & i know I'm not either. you really get to see a persons true self when you live together. while i may feel like a failure (still) for transfering schools &now doing what i love (even though it means another year until i can grad and start working w my degrees), I am highly motivated. I want to better myself,a job, and good grades. I want happy life. I stay up every night and always put in the extra mile. I work extra hours so I can pay the tuition. I love going out and seeing my friends, even though I cannot afford much, I even just like going on a walk or a little drive. Here's his thing: he likes to sit at home everyday and just play video games, nap for hours, & smoke. On nice days I suggest going to the park or out for a walk and he never goes. I ask if he wants to do anything or has any ideas and he says no, he just wants to watch netflix or play the video games. When we are home, he started doing this thing where he won't say more than a few words to me. \"yeah\" and \"okay\" are his typical answers. I try to make conversations about different things but he never seems that interested and it always ends up with me just doing the talking because he doesn't talk! now i dont say much to him, i text my friends and stay up late posting on reddit feeling like a lonely loser! fast forward to last summer: a huge incident went down where he invited \"becky\" over to his place alone, becky has always romantically liked him. he was over 2.5 hours late, made excuses for her, and gave me an attitude to call and make sure he was okay considering the lateness. when he finally came to pick me up, i tried to just say hey is everything alright? he had a major attitude with me and started yelling at me. when i questioned him about it being so late and brought up how it seemed weird he was with becky alone, he started screaming at me and defending her more, with all sorts of ridiculous excuses like \"she's religious and in her 30s but still a virgin\". i started crying saying how could he do this to me,& that the way he's handling it& the whole situation seems like cheating. i ended up going home, sleeping on the couch. by the time morning came, my whole family knew what happened. they insisted he cheated& speculated it wasnt the 1st time. fast forward 2weeks & i moved back in w him, back together. then he ends up (legitimately) visiting his family on the other side of the US for a month. i didn't know why but I guess i was super attached because I missed him like crazy. he came home and school was in session before we knew it. things were okay, we didn't fight but just became sort of distant, he was back to the smoking, netflix and tv. he didn't seem too interested in school work, while i always spend a few hours on it every day (we are both full time students). i started asking about different things to go out to but yet again he didn't seem interested inn anything unless it involved spending $50+ to get into &solid hour of driving (things i can't afford). however, i had gained some weight since the start of the relationship. mostly from all the sitting on my butt and schoolwork, so i have been eating healthier and doing some exercise. I'm toning up and seeing some improvements, but it seems like these things take time for lasting results. he started pressuring me about the gym. everyday one of the first things he says is when are we going to the gym. when we do go he works out so hard he can barely even stand up afterwards, he actually gets sick after then too. his intensity doesn't seem healthy. during this time i noticed that he hasn't been saying anything about becky. i bluffed one time and said hey how is becky has she been wanting to hangout? he said yeah we talked a bit& she invites me to a bunch of stuff but i haven't gone. nonchalantly i tell him, you should invite her to a movie night w our mutual friends or we could all go out. No he says she wouldn't like that, explains that she doesn't like any of our mutual friends. A few days earlier he had told me that he hasn't spoken to her at all. i guess i caught a lie? so later that night after we talked about him inviting becky to things with our friends, he's fast asleep & i look thru his phone. amazingly, i found some of becky messages. she had asked him to hangout 2x. he says no i can't I'm busy all in 1 message that's it. no other conversations / texts besides those brief hangout & declines. seems odd the conversations were so short. she also used to be very active on his social media always posting commenting & since the summer incident she ghosted. no likes, comments& not that many of her own posts. i know its super easy to delete texts& change social media settings so certain people can't see. i have no actual proof of cheating, just a bad gut feeling that was there in summer and now back. well its still the fall semester& the most recent thing started happening is how he has 10am classes& has started leaving at 6or 7am every day. claims its \"to get work done\" before class but it seems weird. i notice some days its an extra hour or 2 after when he would come home. when i was like hey you're home later he was real quiet (surprise ha)& said \"i went to the gym\" i didn't push him further happened other days& same 1liner of \"i stayed to study\" haha okay. so thats the current situation. on top of it he's graduating and has applied to masters programs. he got accepted to one thats an 8hr drive away. it starts in feb, and right now its halfway through oct. he wants me to come with him when he moves. I'm torn. i can't afford to live on my own or even with a roommate, so if i stay here i would have to move back with my mom or other relatives (who would gladly take me). the other plus is that I've lived in this area all my life i know it well, but the jobs here pay awfully, the cost of living is horribly high, and there aren't many opportunities for what I'm going for. i would need to move when i get a masters in like the next 3.5 years or sooner anyways. plus my family would help me with groceries and more expenses if i did move home, and right now groceries and living expenses eat up a lot of my work money. I'm also super attached to him for some reason i really do love him but know he's not the 1 for me. we don't have the same interests or motivations, we are both so bored. we don't even have sex anymore and when we do he doesn't satisfy me, i tell him and he doesn't even listen or make an effort. on the flipside, i still love him i guess its just not a sexual love. moving w him though would probably give me much better internship and career opportunities, I've always wanted to move away eventually, but at the same time its really far and if he did cheat I'm sure he will cheat again. but living with family would also mean that id loose all my freedom, they're all super religious and weird about alcohol. id never be able to sleep in. always have to go to church services, wouldn't be able to have friends over, drink, or have privacy. it'd be a hard adjustment. honestly I'm not even sure i could move. since its out of state that means my tuition rate will also be and go up even more! i can barely pay it now so theres no way i could afford the out of state rates. to make it more complicated my parents don't support me at all in school, they are both trying to convince me to drop out and go work minimum wage at a grocery instead. ugh. i need a masters degree& salary that i can live off of. plus I'm horrible for saying this but i just met this guy (one of his old classmates we ran into) and i legitimately think i fell in love at first sight. just looking at him and briefly having the pleasure of him talking to me and my bf made me realize there really are other guys out there, more motivated, passionate people who are fun loving and want to go do things. people that hold conversations. he is single too. even if i became single, i never could have that boy. I'm still chubby, hate myself daily, and feel like a massive failure. i dont think I'm attractive at all and think I'm a boring person. my bf always tells me i have no friends and i feel that way too. i just feel so stuck. i know i need to dump him, and that he probably did cheat, i know i need to bite the bullet and move home just suck it up, and i know moving that far with my current bf will just prolong the staleness. but its just so hard to let go. i feel like he was the only one really there when things were all a mess with my school and family. if you were me, what would you honestly do?",
+      "timestamp": 1507786904.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "13br4t",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Two years on",
+      "sub": "offmychest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13br4t/two_years_on/",
+      "content": "Thank you for providing a space to vent. I wasn\u2019t sure whether to put this in r/breakups, r/advice or r/confession, but it fits here. I can\u2019t talk about this with my friends, and I sure as hell can\u2019t tell my girlfriend, so I appreciate having this sub even if only one person reads this.\n\n-------------------------------------\n\nI can\u2019t get my ex-girlfriend off my mind. Two years on I still have a ton of unresolved feelings and questions that I never got to ask. I don\u2019t believe in stuff like \u2018the one,\u2019 or soulmates or anything, but so far she\u2019s the closest thing. \n\nWe met when we were teenagers. She excited me like no-one before or since. I was deep in depression and she was badly anorexic, so that excitement was a big deal for both of us. We got each other. We were both ill, fighting to get out of our own private hells. We *empathized* at a time when neither of us thought that was possible.\n\nWind forward three years, and we\u2019re both doing much better, both going to good schools pretty close to one another. We both still had some issues, but things like that don\u2019t just go away overnight, so the fact that we were being productive and responsible for ourselves was huge. \n\nI was walking to class one morning and this song we always listened to came on my ipod. I thought of her and called her to see how she was doing. She wasn\u2019t doing well, hardly said a word, and sounded as low as I\u2019d ever heard her. Turns out she got drunk the night before and slept with someone else.\n\nLooking back I feel my reaction was both really fucking stupid and totally justified. I didn\u2019t get mad or yell at her \u2013 I ascertained that it was consensual and I broke up with her.\n\nWhy it was stupid: because one drunken mistake shouldn\u2019t spell the end of something like that. Everybody makes mistakes, I sure as hell have, and I don\u2019t think it\u2019s unforgivable.\n\nWhy it was justified: I would do anything to avoid falling back into depression. To this day I\u2019m convinced that I would have done so had I stuck with her.\n\nI emailed her six weeks after to say that we should meet up and talk things through, not to get back together, but to clear things up. I was still angry and hurt, but I wanted her to know that I didn\u2019t hate her and that I was going to be alright. I never heard back. Her mum sent me a message saying that she would contact me \u2018when she was ready.\u2019\n\nTwo years on, I\u2019m still waiting. I\u2019m with someone that I really love, but I still can\u2019t get over the feeling that one day she\u2019ll be ready and I\u2019ll get that email. I won\u2019t. I know it but I can\u2019t get myself to believe it. \n\nI\u2019m stuck. Two years is a long time, and by rights I should be over her by now. I\u2019m scared that if I contact her all those feelings (good and bad) will rear up again. I\u2019m scared that if I don\u2019t I\u2019ll keep on speculating and regretting. My current girlfriend would be totally fine with me getting back in touch with her (I think she\u2019d positively encourage it) but would not be fine with my still being so emotionally invested. \n\nThe worst thing is not even knowing if she wants to hear from me. What if I do email her and it sets her off? I feel so stupid even typing that, but I have no idea what kind of mental place she\u2019s in. I don\u2019t know how these two years have gone for her. I really wish I did.\n\n-------------------------------------\n\nThanks for reading, I appreciate it. Even writing that was cathartic. I guess that a lot of people go through very similar things. The best thing about reddit (and this sub in particular) is that whatever you're feeling, someone can empathize. That's an amazing thing when you feel like you're alone.",
+      "timestamp": 1353109592.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "smi8c0",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Twitter is such a depressing and heartless place",
+      "sub": "Vent",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/comments/smi8c0/twitter_is_such_a_depressing_and_heartless_place/",
+      "content": "Blocked Twitter again on my phone because I noticed it was frustrating me way more than I needed to be. It's like the Morality Olympics on there. Every day, every few hours, there's a new scandal, a new person to hate, and if you say anything about them other than how evil they are, you get piled. I'm firmly left in my politics but I'm sure there are plenty of things I think that would get me dragged, just like everyone else. What made me quit this time was the drama about Awkwafina using a Blaccent and being famous while doing so. Yeah, people shouldn't do racially charged voices, but I don't want to hear from hundreds of people how much they hate her and have always hated her and how terrible of a person she is and so on and so forth. I GET IT NOW SHUT UP. Screaming at people is a sport there. \n\nTwitter is like if you just read Reddit drama threads all day. Exhausting, pointless, overwhelming. And it never gets any better. There are a handful of jokes, a handful of daily topics, and everyone repeats them in a massive loop until the new ones gradually replace the old ones. I hate it. It makes me a worse person just scrolling for a bit. \n\nI like that Reddit's mostly anonymous, because if someone goes around spewing hate speech they generally get banned in subs I participate in and I never have to think about them again. There aren't people here to hyperfocus on and talk about how bad they are specifically for days. They get brushed to the side and ignored, and regular content resumes. Reddit feels more human to me, despite the anonymity. Most people in the subs I frequent are just normal people. We don't usually sift through each others' posts looking for moral failings, we don't spread rumors and speculate endlessly, we simply report despicable behavior when we see it and move on.\n\nI think that paying too much attention to bad people (or normal people with undeveloped/bad opinions) is very unhealthy. Letting them take up too much space in your mind is unhealthy. I imagine Twitter as a line of people waiting their turn to scream in the face of the 'villain of the day', to tell them how worthless they are. Because it's fun. Because they're glad it's not them. What good does that do?\n\nThanks for reading. I feel gross.",
+      "timestamp": 1644211551.0,
+      "upvotes": 6,
+      "num_comments": 1
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1eau7e9",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "[1143] Deep Breath In",
+      "sub": "self",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1eau7e9/1143_deep_breath_in/",
+      "content": "Ok, I\u2019ve tried to ride it out, but shit isn\u2019t passing.\n   \n   \n Around 3 PM, I got a very, it would be comically sad, email with [insert client name] not even auto-filled with my name to be rejected for a job. This is boring by itself. But, I\u2019ve worked for the state of Indiana before, and this job would have been in the Monroe County Jail. I\u2019m speculating, but I think someone, somewhere, has marked my file in a way that prevents me from working for the State anymore.\n   \n   \n Why do I think this? Well, it\u2019s recently prevented me from even volunteering to be part of CASA because, \u201cMy testimony would be in question\u201d given my voiced disapproval for what I witnessed and was subjected to as a DCS assessor. Who cares how engaging, insightful, and meaningfully contributing I was? Who cares if I was actually fucking correct in my concerns and had genuinely exhausted my options?\n   \n   \n Let me be extremely clear for the stranger on the street. I\u2019ve committed no crimes. I\u2019ve threatened nobody. I\u2019ve never violated a policy. I\u2019ve never even cussed-out a supervisor. I\u2019ve never raised my voice.\n   \n   \n I wrote a letter. I was in direct communication with the head of Indiana\u2019s DCS, we had lunch once, for months. I was sharing concerns in a deliberate and respectful manner with management up and down the chain for months. What did I get? An extreme cunt supervisor, a complicit boss above her, and broader DCS regional apparatus situated directly against me when I finally broke and wrote my letter. [Naturally, it got passed around beyond who it was sent to.](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1eau7xv/fuck_the_indiana_department_of_child_services/)\n   \n   \n I wrote about specific examples of negligence. We\u2019re talking life and death levels of disregard. I\u2019m not complaining that the storage closet is out of pencils. I\u2019m upset that you\u2019re directing me to bring police into environments that don\u2019t require it, tell parents to escalate the drama in their home after they\u2019ve reached out for help, or make up and over-hype allegations to paint a damming picture that doesn\u2019t exist.\n   \n   \n From that point on, I made the enemies list. I attempted to start my own casework company and get contracted. The people we talked to said a dozen times \u201cOh my God! That\u2019s so good, we need providers! We\u2019re lacking so many resources!\u201d The day before we were to get a contract? Radio silence. Flooded with new paperwork and expectations and told to bid against multi-million dollar cabals that monopolize the service space. I think Laura, specifically, accounts for that.\n   \n   \n The lies and slander Natalie was willing to put into my mid-term review I\u2019m sure flag my state profile in some kind of way. Natalie who I worked under for 2 fucking weeks, who was allowed to \u201cevaluate\u201d me at the end of my 2 year rope of service in that role instead of my actual fucking supervisor who I never had even a hiccup with.\n   \n   \n You can make the argument that I eventually threw all \u201cprofessional\u201d respect out the window, and you would be nominally correct. What you\u2019ll have a hard time answering more completely and comprehensively is what the fuck else I was supposed to do. You won\u2019t find me unjust in my outrage at their behavior, lack of response, and then targeting of me unless you\u2019re built like them. I don\u2019t think you need any particular sympathy for anyone who gets embroiled with the State to not what someone with the power to break up your family to do so in a consciously deliberate and malicious way.\n   \n   \n One of my supervisors argued we\u2019re worse than the police; we won\u2019t just shoot you, we\u2019ll drag you through hell and make you dance for us as we leverage your children.\n   \n   \n That brings us back to today. I don\u2019t want to work in a prison environment again. I would have found a way to put up with it for $37 an hour. I would want to be rejected from that role because I was unqualified or unfit or unreasonable. Because I\u2019m being haunted by negligent Mean Girls shit? This brings up my existential anxiety about the absurd conditions I\u2019m trying to operate under altogether.\n   \n   \n I\u2019ve mellowed considerably in my ambition and feverish drive to set examples and do the vague outlandish goals I set for myself as a younger person. What does mellow look like? Continuing to develop my house, go to 2-5 shows a week, watch all of TV, and now begin learning how to record music. I\u2019m not too old. I\u2019m not too tired. I\u2019m not just so outraged and exhausted by how fucking stupid everything is to self-destruct. But my fucking god, people. It shouldn\u2019t be this hard.\n   \n   \n I\u2019ve got an interview tomorrow (well, later today) for a job that won\u2019t call itself a job, requires an hour commute, and would pay me approximately $400 a month after bills and gas. It\u2019d be on par with plasma donation before those cash cows got stingy.\n   \n   \n I reflexively, now, pivot to the conversation about how much bigger the world is than these petty bitches and this kind of bullshit, but I\u2019m not sure it is. I think part of the reason I, if not us all, suffer this kind of posture indefinitely is because it\u2019s baked in. It breeds and morphs and manifests until it\u2019s the self-justified norm. It\u2019s hard not to see things through the analogy of addiction having been counseling people the last couple years. The universal drug is self-righteous bullshit, and far too many are huffing away.\n   \n   \n Happy birthday to me.",
+      "timestamp": 1721801556.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1c8j2c8",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "[1121] The Friendly Ghost",
+      "sub": "self",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1c8j2c8/1121_the_friendly_ghost/",
+      "content": "Today feels like a day that could be described as \"crazy-making.\"\n   \n   \n Am I sick, hurt, or otherwise dramatically impaired? No. There's been a theme and a confluence of forces though. Let's go.\n   \n   \n This week, literally everyone has canceled on me. For work, for fun, for things I was anticipating to use to feel useful and good. I spend pretty much all of my time alone, talking to no one, blazing through TV, playing my instruments, reading, or getting myself into some trouble playing with something I shouldn't because I can't stand feeling idle and useless anymore.\n   \n   \n I lay this at no one's feet. I could, theoretically more than practically, invest a considerable amount of time attempting to connect to other people, organizations, or things to do so I don't feel as reliant upon others and their consistency or capacity to manage. And, in fact, that's what I've done in getting started with CASA, and hopefully seeing that spin-off into more first-hand interactions with clients, other volunteers, and the inevitable messes that will bring.\n   \n   \n First, one of my attempted hires to fundraise ignores my outreach. I thought she was on the verge of stealing $1,200, tracked her down, got a brief invitation to her life's blow-up, and she's since refunded $500, on what she's proposed is a schedule to refund the whole on her paydays. In the meantime, I patiently idle and refrain from catastrophizing her silence, and now 6th missed scheduled discussion, and who knows how many ignored texts.\n   \n   \n Ok. I got an early text that client 1's phone is broken and needs to be rescheduled. I attempt to call client 2 around our meeting time, no response. I text if they are okay. I get a \"Not at all, can we talk later today?\" I text later in the day, no response. That whole day was designed around another person supposed to come out and talk about plans to upgrade my space. They had other life complications with family illness to deal with, so the project lingers.\n   \n   \n I'm left with more idle time. We need to be incredibly clear that whatever I feel about that time, it's not being laid at the feet of \"everyone\" or anyone I refer to. I do not blame a single person ever for focusing on their sick loved ones or deprioritizing whatever we had planned.\n   \n   \n I proceed to go about my days. I go to the symphony for the live music playing of Star Wars as the movie runs. An entire section of kids talked, crinkled pop cans, and just generally made it about them for the entire film. No usher told them to shut up. No seething patron closer to them said anything. They just took what could have been a pretty straightforward enjoyable experience, and my inability to mute them turns them into a few aggrieved lines in another bitching blog.\n   \n   \n Before the show, I walked around the continues-to-be-miserable city a bit. There's \"cowboy\" bars with country music that mostly surround the symphony. There's healthy servings of homeless people ranging from decently aggressively shouting to sleeping in places it's hard to tell if they've closed early or closed permanently. At one point, I'm almost certain a dude was following me. I'm in a \"major\" city, wandering, feeling isolated and arbitrary, and oh, look, there was also a pro-Palestine protest on the circle where they're screaming an anti-semitic chant and parroting empty party lines.\n   \n   \n On the ride to the city, I was listening to some of Peter Boghossian's videos. He's known for setting up hot-button questions and agree/disagree lines he asks people to stand on and defend their position. He's, in a world that made sense, simply trying to remind people that we're here to engage ideas and should have a remote sense of what we're talking about or what might change our minds. Overwhelmingly, the people who brave his exercises are not that articulate, nor claim they can be moved, at least in the moment.\n   \n   \n I'm now back home, where a comment I wrote on, arguably one of the worst places on the internet, reddit, was removed because I described getting into a \"pissing match\" in a comment to another person who was asking for feedback on what people might want in a new TV-related website. The term, in and of itself, I was told is the #1 rule that's not allowed and the person wrote \"p - - - ing\" like that as though it's particularly aggressive language or like I said, \"I'll piss in your face, cunt!\"\n   \n   \n It just echoes that ideological capture and perverse power dynamics that I feel plague pretty much every level of my experience.\n   \n   \n I know, as much as I know anything, that no one holding a sign on that boring and sad circle is persuadable. I know that no elderly usher at the symphony feels they are obligated and empowered to insist and correct inappropriate behavior. I know those who are eager to belong, be it through their status as a victim or the oppressed, are going to die on a hill that transcends parody when mocked up against real life. I know that my clients who cancel have a vastly different concept of \"get better\" than I do. I know the \"innocent enough\" obligations and life circumstances that relegate time someone might spend with me to be practically incidental.\n   \n   \n I also know that I feel that I need to escape this overwhelming belief that I can't trust or look forward to things. It's a feeling that stifles my capacity to invest both in myself and in what I can only speculate others get to feel for what's captured them. I don't believe it's worth it, whatever \"it\" might be, that I'm going to plan, try, or work on for more than a day or so. It's a hollowness that haunts whatever I might do to prepare, or when I stifle one thing and rearrange another, trying to be there and be present and not suck you into this ever-hollowing sense. I can't fill it with the manufactured drama and concern that appears to fuel so much of other people's experience.\n   \n   \n Whatever I do or think I can create, I can't erase the context I'm working within. The world's best talker in a country where they don't speak the language is flirting with homelessness and starvation. The shared values and understanding that comes with an ongoing relationship or dynamic of cultural expressions and sets of experiences I just don't really have. It's not \"never,\" but is 6-10 times a year I might get to spend time with my dad or a friend doing something fun count as the kind of fabric I'm trying to weave?\n   \n   \n I'm like a ghost. I feel like I just kind of haunt things or memories. You have to think, I'm drawing on my experience of the last decade. It's not just been a particularly lonely or disappointing week or something. This week was just the same record blasted about as loud as I can take. But also, I clearly don't know how to \"fix\" it. I don't really believe it's a thing I can fix because my efforts to do so only seem to teach me ever-nuanced ways in which the problem compounds and reinforces itself.\n   \n   \n You can't afford it? I'll pay. That doesn't matter, it wasn't about being able to afford it. You don't have the time? I'll come to you, work around your schedule. That doesn't matter, it wasn't about not having time. It doesn't interest you? I'll do whatever you want to do, I'm open and amenable like that. That doesn't matter, it wasn't about their lack of interest. When you're feeling good and fun and free, I'm not the one on your mind to call or invite. You were desperately waiting for that window so you could \"catch up\" on the \"fun\" you're otherwise indefinitely denied. Every moment where you can feel remotely human or \"free\" is not one you're trying to interject a bunch of Nick P.-ness into.\n   \n   \n There is no striking-up conversations with strangers and informal friends anymore. Maybe that's just a problem with me? Feels bigger, but I don't know. My \"best friend\" I gave my terms to and they still haven't been met, so I'm not lending myself to get back into his spin. My business partner, who I also see maybe once every 3 or so months, has been barreling towards a crash for probably over a year at this point, refuses to slow down or establish better boundaries or utilize me in any way but to - very maybe - decompress an inch when he bitches about something? I have to tell clients all the time there's a difference between indefinitely complaining and still being a ball of stress and actually coping and incorporating whatever it is that's getting at you and changing your behavior.\n   \n   \n I have another friend I see maybe once every 2 or 3 months whose dad might be dying, and she has her own health issues, so it's like where would I get off thinking we should bowl more often? lol I don't know, it's this weird thing where you're invited to pit your desire to feel like you belong or have a friendship against their given tragedy or circumstances. It feels like it would be infinitely unwise and unfair to \"blame\" as though they're any less stuck within their contexts than you are, but you happen to be the loudest example of anyone you know on how to defy circumstances and work towards what you might actually want and need.\n   \n   \n Blame language is overwhelmingly a move to adopt nonsense framing, but emotionally, you're like, am I just supposed to kinda glide through the air until I happen to crash into you? To be extra clear, this feels like an existential thing with everyone to some degree or another. I do not get the sense there's any remotely deliberate care and focus to cultivate and protect a mutually beneficial dynamic. It's like every hangout is getting away with murder or their mind is physically unable to be present because it's been captured by the superficially \"chosen\" drama.\n   \n   \n I mean it in a more damming way than that, which implicates this litany of sick family members. I think we're also gluttonous. When you're not choosing the drama, you're feeding on the familiar sensibilities of your relationship to it. Aren't you needed? Doesn't that maybe scratch the itch that I'm taking 9,000 words to articulate? I'd like to feel useful and needed and like a \"good boy\" for doing what I'm supposed to by way of expressed care. I don't. No matter how much people tell me I help or what I say makes sense, it does nothing for me, and I don't think a single person has even tried to articulate to me they understand why.\n   \n   \n It's pretty easy to disregard everything you're not doing to gain control or a sense of personal responsibility and agency by attending to everyone else. There's also the unyielding irony where I'm witness to what appears to be people who will go to the ends of the earth for especially the ones who don't deserve or can't truly receive what's being offered. Almost like each party knows what's on offer isn't made of what either of them needs, but this perverse Munchausien bargain is struck. What kind of massive deserves-to-be-alienated cunt would try to turn your lovingly devoted heart into the problem!? You're right, I see it now why no one wants to hang out lol.",
+      "timestamp": 1713594149.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1dl8y7a",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Call me Megara",
+      "sub": "TrueOffMyChest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1dl8y7a/call_me_megara/",
+      "content": "...cuz I won't say I'm in love, but I will allude to it lmao. I'm pretty anxious about posting this. I even created a throwaway account in case the person somehow were to find my main reddit account or some random YT channel finds this and reads it (both of which I highly doubt, but anxiety is the name, paranoia is the game). Anyway, I'm a person who has little to no experience when it comes to love/romantic relationships. I grew up very sheltered and emotionally suppressed lololol and there are still some things I don't know how to shake yet. For the sake of brevity and my heart, I think I am the closest thing I've ever felt to being \"in love.\" \n\nThe fucked up thing is, regarding the person to whom these feelings are directed, I thought they liked me in the beginning and I was very resistance (internally). When I finally gathered the courage to tell them my speculations (thank you therapy) they said they didn't see me like that; the idea of us being together had crossed their mind at one point, but they came to the resolution that it would be better for us to just be friends. I felt so relieved at first, like I could be myself without a wall of A.N.Ts (related to CBT look it up) flooding my mind. Now that the wall has been torn down, it's like perhaps this whole time I was suppressing how I really felt about them romantically and straight up swimming in denial. I find myself thinking of them a lot, wanting to do activities with them, and somewhat sort of wanting to be intimate (there's a whole potential a/sexuality arc I am not writing about today lol), and generally how we act around another kind of has people questioning if we are together. \n\nOkay, this wasn't brief, but the point is I like how my feelings pulled an Uno reverse card on me. Overall, I can't really trust this, or I'm wary to trust it because I am also the type of person who has had some semblance of a crush or has been infatuated with almost every one of my friends. This one just happens to feel stronger and different. I don't want to tell my friends about it because my feelings could be here today, gone tomorrow and also I'm a little embarrassed. I don't think I'll ever tell this person how I feel because I truly do want to remain their friend overall and at least I have some new fodder if I ever decide to write that YA romance novel lmao. Thank you people of the internet for the space to vomit this information so hopefully I can be at peace. ",
+      "timestamp": 1718989363.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "15pnyjl",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I cant get over the betrayal that my ex and my best friend had done and idk what to do.",
+      "sub": "TrueOffMyChest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15pnyjl/i_cant_get_over_the_betrayal_that_my_ex_and_my/",
+      "content": "For context, I try to ignore my friend, however, whenever I fail in doing so, I end up saying the most rancid things. I also ended up blocking my ex.\n\nSTORY TIME. We will call my friends Alexa, Oliver and Harry. My best friend, Alexa (F16) decided to visit my city with her dad for a business trip and she decided to sleep in my room for 5 days because she didn\u2019t have space at her dad\u2019s hotel. She met my friends Oliver (M16), who is my \u201cex\u201d, (quotations bc we were never official due to strict parents) and my friend Harry (M17) when Oliver and I were still dating and all four of us would go on Facetime. Oliver blocked me when we broke up, however Alexa stayed friends with him. A while later, Oliver unblocked me because we made plans to hangout before we separated so they can meet my best friend Alexa, however, she did not want to go out with them alone without me because they were still unfamiliar.\n\nHere\u2019s the story. During Alexa\u2019s 4th day Oliver, Alexa and Harry decided to hang out, just the three of them. Oliver and Alexa first decided to visit me from work to say hi and meet Harry downtown. I couldn\u2019t come with them because I had back to back work and finals in between. At some point, Harry and my other friends texted me to warn me that Oliver, my ex, was relapsing feelings but I didn\u2019t think much of it. My coworkers told me that it was weird that I\u2019m letting my friend and my ex hangout like that, which then put me in a bad mood. A couple hours later, I went home and Alexa\u2019s parents starts to call my parents because it was getting late. Alexa said her phone died and whenever I try to call Harry, Alexa would answer it and hang up. I got a text from Harry that he was being forced to go to Oliver\u2019s house by Alexa. I then got confused because they also told me that Alexa was on her way home. Who leaves a girl alone in a foreign city with a dead phone??? They told me they wrote the directions for Alexa and I should be expecting her in a bit. I decided to track Harry and I saw that he was already at Oliver\u2019s house. Oliver\u2019s house is much further than mine, so I did the math and I concluded that Alexa should be here by now. An hour later, Alexa was still not home, both our parents were freaking out and we were about to look for her because we thought she was missing. I already had speculations that they were all lying and it was confirmed when Alexa decided to call me and tell me she got lost and she\u2019s on her way to her dads hotel because she\u2019s going to be sleeping there. Her call turned on her find my iphone and I saw that she was with Harry on the road from Oliver\u2019s house to go to her dads hotel. I confronted both of them and they told me that they were at MO bus but they\u2019re not together. I called bulshit and I told them that I already know that they\u2019re lying, they should just tell the truth now. My friend Alexa said I\u2019m delusional asking what am I on or shit like that, and Harry just stopped responding. I texted Oliver and told him there\u2019s no going back from this if they actually lied. \n\nWe got a call from Alexa\u2019s dad asking to pick her up from his hotel because she did not have space there. On our way to the hotel, I got a call from Harry and a bunch of texts from my other friend telling me to calm down and this is gonna be a lot to take. He confessed and I was so mad, I texted Alexa\u2019s mom about it. When she came to the car, she was asking if I was mad, begging me to talk. I told her she lied to me and I know everything because Harry told me. She denied and said that he lied and I was delusional again. I stopped talking. She begged to talk at home and asked me to take everything that I told her mom back. I told her she\u2019s stupid and that she should be ashamed because she is living in my house for free and decided to be inconsiderate about my parents and I having work the next day. \n\nI keep on bringing up her and my ex drinking in the group chat, telling them that they\u2019re gonna make perfectly r** babies and they should just be together because they\u2019re both stupid asf. Alexa has a habit of saying the r slur, so I decided to use it about on her (I never say it, I only say it whenever it\u2019s about her and my ex.) They all apologized, I forgave them, but I was told I forgave them too easily so now I\u2019m ignoring them. I forgave Harry too, he was the only one who told me the whole truth and I found out that he was pressured to drink and join them and his phone was taken by my friend. Oliver was begging to be forgiven, asking if we can go to the movies together (like what?) When I forgave him, he started joking, saying that I gave him permission to date my best friend, as if nothing happened, he also said that I had exaggerated when I apologized about my shit words and behaviour. In the end, I blocked him and Im not gonna be talking to my friend Alexa anymore. She was my best friend for almost a decade, we\u2019ve known each other since we were born. I want to forgive, but it hurts because they betrayed me, telling me that I exaggerated everything, being extremely inconsiderate to everyone involved.\n\nPs: Alexa was begging me to get back with Oliver. She told me that if she had a guy like him, he would ditch everyone. She also said that Oliver deserved better than me. A part of me thinks that they like each other. Oliver said he\u2019s never gonna get with her, however, he did feel a rare \u201chomie\u201d connection with her that he never felt with anyone else.",
+      "timestamp": 1691896838.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 2
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "iwr1hg",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Social isolation is crushing me, but it is also paradoxically a comfort. Or perhaps that's just a defence mechanism.",
+      "sub": "TrueOffMyChest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/iwr1hg/social_isolation_is_crushing_me_but_it_is_also/",
+      "content": "I'm not entirely sure where to begin, so forgive me if I'm a bit all over the place. The situation I'm in was not caused by Covid. I'm on disability due to blindness. Because I can't drive, and because it isn't always safe for me to cross the street, I typically stay at home, pandemic or no. And I typically stay in my room; I live with my parents.\n\nI wake up each day surrounded by the same four walls that I will see all day, save for when I fix myself food, bathe, or do laundry. My bedroom is small and cramped with little walking space. For furniture, I have five bookshelves against two walls (three on one side, two half-bookshelves on the other), a full (not queen) sized bed, a chair, a coffee table and a television on top of the table. There's no air conditioning in the house, so I also have two standing fans (those thin, tower-like ones) and one thin, tall lamp for lighting. This is where I spend most of my days.\n\nIt wasn't always like this. In 2017 I was with a man whom I expected to marry. He'd gotten me a promise ring and all that happy fun stuff. But addiction to pornography (he spent thousands of dollars on it, I'm still not sure why but I have my speculations), seemingly compulsive lying (often with no obvious reason for it), and severe depressive spirals led me to break it off after years of trying to make it work. Calling it off was huge for me because I was calling off a future with a man I loved and independence I'd never before then known how sorely I needed. We had our own place, but he was the leaseholder, so my daughter and I ended up rooming with a friend and her mother. Thankfully, at that time, my ex-husband and I (we divorced due to domestic abuse--he choked me and beat me in the face, and for several years he wasn't in our daughter's life of his own choice, but after anger management and finding someone  more compatible, he mellowed out and is a good father now) had it arranged that she lived out of town with him during the school year (I have her all weekends, breaks, and summer). I had next to none of my things save for clothes and slept on the couch. There was no place else for me. My friend's mother is a severe hoarder, so honestly I was lucky to even have the couch. My ex was kind enough to allow me to keep my other things at the house until I had a place for them. When my daughter was with me, we stayed at my great-grandmother's house. A few months later, in late 2018 My friend, her mother, and myself rented a place with more space. One that would have a room for all four of us (myself, my daughter, my friend, and her mother). But the extent of the hoarding was so bad that I had nothing outside of my bedroom and my daughter's bedroom. My friend's mother took up the the entirety of the garage with her things, on top of the things inside the house, so it wasn't until I was forced to move out (because she started putting things into my daughter's room without my consent) that I came to be at my parents' house in November 2019. There was initially no heat because my parents hadn't paid the bill, and we didn't have heat until late November/early December. It was cold showers and a colder room until then. But even when we finally got heat, my room remained cold because there are two large windows in it, and the vent leading to the room doesn't work.\n\nI spent the next month moving some of my things over from my ex's house, having to fight my step-dad the entire way, and taking care of my daughter for Christmas break. Early January, I was told by my ex that he had made bad financial decisions for his then-girlfriend, who was recovering from drug problems, which led to him being unable to pay rent, so I had to get my things by the 31st. That wouldn't have been a problem, but he didn't actually let me start working to move it all until the tail end of the month. In total, I had something like 3 days to work. And I had to do it all on my own, which wouldn't have been so upsetting if I'd been allowed to start sooner, or if he hadn't asked me to help him pack up his things at the last second (on top of still having to argue with my step-dad). I ended up just leaving a lot of my things at the curb for the trash. I didn't even go through a lot of it because I didn't want to see what I was throwing away. My step-dad was irritated at me for bringing \"too much stuff\" into the house as it was, and the definition of \"too much stuff\" was \"more than I could fit in my bedroom\". He forbade me putting anything in the attic, though there was plenty of space, and initially forbade the basement. He said he'd clean out a corner of a back room in the house for me to stack boxes, but that didn't happen, so I had to do that myself as well.\n\nMy isolation \"began\" when I was in that house with my friend and her mother. My friend worked two jobs, and her mother worked long hours so I was often alone as it was. But problems arose for two reasons. The first was the hoarding, which prevented me from having my things outside my or my daughter's bedroom. It didn't feel like a home for me as a result. The main room didn't feel like it was even partially mine, since nothing of mine was in it. The second issue was religion. I'm Eastern Orthodox (think Catholic-esque). My friend and her mother are anti-theists (not just atheists, but anti-theist, in that they thought all religions should be abolished/banned). I could have lived with atheists. I don't peddle my faith, because I don't feel it's my job. And I understood why they felt that way, and sympathised with it. They'd been victims of abuse by the monstrosity that is the Jehovah's Witness cult. The mother had a limp as a result of having something wrong with one of her legs/hips at birth, and her mother refusing to have it corrected--an easy surgery, but she wouldn't sign off on the small chance of a blood transfusion being given if it were necessary. When she was beaten and raped by her husband and my friend was also physically abused by her father, they were told by the head of their congregation that it wasn't rape since she was married, and she was to submit sexually to him whenever he wanted. They couldn't celebrate birthdays, or have gifts. I speculate that her trauma and lack of control due to their influence is what caused the later hoarding problems, but I'm no psychologist. And when they left the \"church\" they were shunned by their family. I cannot in any way judge them for anything, but least of all that their experiences led them to hate religion as a whole. Who could fault that? The religious problem there didn't come from me peddling my faith. At one point, my friend said that me talking about my faith made her uncomfortable, and so I thanked her for her honesty and never brought it up again. But this was a one-way street. In hindsight, maybe I should have asked that they not make disparaging comments at least against my faith, but I didn't because I didn't want them to feel like they should control their speech around me. I didn't want to make them uncomfortable in any way. Even political discussions were hard to have, because whereas I like to discuss things to learn other perspectives, it always seemed like they did it to win. I don't know if that makes sense. In any case, it felt less and less like I could be \"me\" outside my room. Plus sometimes I'd go out into the living room to hang out with no intention of really doing much but nodding along to whatever they had to say and, as I would sit down and greet my friend on the couch while she played a game of her own to make small talk, she'd suddenly be \"so exhausted from work\" or \"not feeling well\" and need go to sleep. At that point, when my daughter wasn't there, I stayed in my room 99% of the time, reading or playing a video game because that was at least comfortable. I could exist without feeling like I was imposing on someone else.\n\nWhen I got to my parents' house, having to deal with having no heat, then having to haggle with my dad on just having my own things in the house, because there \"wasn't enough space\" for me (or my daughter) outside my bedroom, it wore me down further. He's an alcoholic, so half the time he doesn't remember what he even says, but he'll accuse me and my mother of \"not listening\" to him. He even argued against me giving them a dryer for free when theirs was broken and the dryer at my ex's was mine. He argued against it until the last day, and then still changed his mind on moving it down to the basement to hook it up, then changed it again saying he'd do it, and I think around March it was finally hooked up. Prior to that, it sat in the space where I was supposed to be able to store some of my things, therefore reducing the amount of already-limited space I was \"allowed\" to put stuff. He's also made comments to me that he was glad that I was Christian \"so long as I wasn't Catholic\" (Fun fact: Prior to 1054, the Roman Catholic Church and the Orthodox Church were one and the same). And then if he brought up religion and I got excited to talk about my faith (like if I talked about admiring a particular saint, or discussed any church history at all), he'd comment that I was taking it too seriously.\n\nHe also got upset in February when my sister and now brother-in-law were to be married because \"his dad wasn't invited\" when it was just a simple courthouse wedding and the real ceremony would come later when they could afford one. It broke my sister's heart that he wouldn't be there, but she wouldn't budge on inviting our grandfather because she's uncomfortable around him for what one might politely call insensitive political views. For me, I took her side. It was her wedding and she could invite whomever she wanted. But at first he just fought with both of my sisters who chewed him a new one, until they mutually disowned each other, and he said to me that I was \"his only remaining daughter\", which struck an awful chord with me. As I was growing up, I was only ever his daughter when things were \"good\". If a medical bill needed paying on my behalf or teenage-me had the audacity to act like a teenager and question his authority, I wasn't his daughter, and I should be grateful that he stepped up for trash like me when my biological father left the picture. So just in general, I'm uncomfortable around him. It isn't all bad, but it's better the less we talk. I hate that it's like this.\n\nSo I stay in my room.  Just like before, it feels like I can actually be \"me\" here. I don't even have to say anything because there's no one to say it to.\n\nMy mother and I generally get along. But we share only a small number of interests. She watches a lot of TV and I watch almost no television, save for a handful of shows here and there. I would say that if it were just her, (my dad, when not working, is on his computer in the living room always) I'd be more comfortable leaving my room, but I can't say that with any amount of confidence. When she's home, she's also on her computer and watching television. And I've come to realise that the sound of the television, if I'm not actively watching whatever is on it, actively grinds against something in me. I don't know what it is, but it's grating. And this is made worse if she's watching a YouTube video and has the TV on. The chaos of sound is too much for me and it's like I physically react to it. I don't know if that makes sense. I don't know if that's even sane or normal. But it is hell. I have to be away from it. I don't tell her. I don't even know how to tell her that because it doesn't make sense to me. How could I make it make sense to her?\n\nSo for years now, save for times when I'm caring for my daughter, I'm in my room, alone, more often than not, now more than ever. I have few friends, and the ones I have are looking to move out of this town. One I haven't seen since January, and the other I see once a week on Thursdays. Those days are my favourite days. And soon, they'll be gone too, when she moves away.\n\nAnd the more I think about it, the sadder it becomes. In some ways, it could probably be argued that my isolation began even before I broke up with my ex years ago, because he didn't agree with some of my reading interests (we booth liked studying history, but he didn't like that I liked reading about central Europe; that's a story in itself) nor did he like the music I listened to, so I stopped talking to him about my interests and put headphones in and stopped singing my favourite songs when we were together. It feels like moving with my friend only took it a step further, when I physically stayed in my room alone because I felt emotionally/socially alone.\n\nI feel safe in this room as much as I feel like it's a prison. It's quiet and peaceful, but there's no one to share the peace with. When I read something interesting in a book,there's no one to share it with. When I'm excited, there's no one to share that excitement with. Of course I share these things with my best friend I see once a week. I send her all kinds of messages, but I hate myself because I feel like I'm messaging her too much (even though she has explicitly told me otherwise, I can't help but feel guilty for it). There's just no one in general. Or rather, soon there will truly be no one in general.\n\nI don't know what to do, except, I suppose, to scream into the Reddit void.\n\nThank you in advance if you read all this nonsense. I apologise for wasting your time.  \nEdit: Spacing, because I suck at formatting.",
+      "timestamp": 1600652429.0,
+      "upvotes": 5,
+      "num_comments": 1
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "3mix5c",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Lost in the abyss dividing love from hate...",
+      "sub": "TrueOffMyChest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/3mix5c/lost_in_the_abyss_dividing_love_from_hate/",
+      "content": "(Maybe this fits better on another sub - /r/relationships or something - but I'm not here for advice. I see the situation very clearly, wish though I might otherwise. I just want put this down somewhere and get it off my chest and go about my day.)\n\nI just...\n\nI love him to bits. It kills me when he's unhappy or distant. It brightens my whole day when he smiles. We have so much in common (well, maybe not in absolute terms, but relative to most other gay men that I've met). I love wandering the city or playing games or going on adventures with him. He has this vision of us together, happy, fulfilled and I thirst for it, *I hunger*. There's so much good in the relationship that I want it to be The One.\n\nAt least, at times.\n\nI hate that he only seems to want me when he hasn't got me. We've been on-again off-again for a while and when we're off he tries so hard to get back to on, but when we're on he just drifts off into his own little world. It's like I don't exist until he's out of better things to do. \"Oh, you want to spend time together? Yeah I know we only see each other once a week, but I need space so not this weekend. [This space, where an apology for not giving you any advance notice so that you could make other plans might go, remains conspicuously empty.] Well maybe tomorrow for a bit if I feel like it after hanging with my other friends. We have plans, you know. ...Also when can we move in together?\"\n\nThe *fuck*?\n\nEvery now and then I bug him to come hang out or spend an extra night that week together and I may as well have offered poorly prepared Brussels sprouts to the finickiest of eaters. \"Sure, OK, well maybe OK... if it'll make you happy.\" Heaven fucking help me though if *I'd* like to stay in (because I'm feeling a bit sick or tired or whatever) when he's out with friends and wants to show me off.\n\nThen I read shit like [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/3mi684/is_it_a_dick_move_to_break_up_with_someone_by/) and it just kills me. Dudebro can't handle a relationship where he only sees his SO who lives the next city over on the weekends. And I get it, that's shit's hard. He's *right*. But my SO's just down the street from where I work and I'll be damned if I get as much of his attention without badgering him for it.\n\nWhat am I still doing here? But then I remember the good times. And I'm paralyzed.\n\nSex. It's been months since he's rocked my world. I want to change things up a bit. Hah! It hurts *him* that I'm not 100% satisfied by his habits, his defaults. Change things up? Well, maybe. But it's hard. Have I tried working up to it over a period of hours, yet? That might work. As long as it's still spontaneous. Oh but if we want to switch the roles around then how about we skip the foreplay because that somehow puts him off the mood. For fuck's sake just say \"no, I don't want to do it like that\". Stop feeding me this bullshit about how you'd *love* to \"explore new things\" when it's clear as fucking day that you're not going to voluntarily budge so much as a millimeter from your comfort zone.\n\n*And that's OK.* I don't need constant transcendental sex bordering on spiritual enlightenment to consider a relationship. I really don't. But would it kill you to be frank about your limits and desires? Or the odd token gesture to show me that you want to *somewhat* please me - that that pleases you? I can handle the rest myself, I really can. Or fucking stop ditching me and come out and let's spend this *gorgeous* day together happy, laughing, playing silly games and I'll forget all about such trivial nonsense.\n\nYeah. As if.\n\nI'm sick of hearing about aspirations that he'll never lift a finger to pursue himself. I'm sick having to badger him to actually do the things he says he wants to do. I'm sick of watching him be miserable over getting what he wants. I mean seriously, fuck your passive-aggressive bullshit, you're well into your 30s, how the fuck are you still such a child? Why can't anything be even just a tiny bit straight-forward?\n\nMy place doesn't feel like home because I get annoyed when you leave a mess wherever you go. You keep your place cleaner than I do mine. Let's go get some other place and live together there.\n\nLike fucking what?! I cannot even. I cannot to can.\n\nBut I love you.\n\nI'm just so fucking tired of wondering from week to week if you'll be the happy energetic man who parts the clouds and makes me laugh until I can't stand it any more or if it's going to be *four* weeks in a row now of you just not feeling it and why don't we just hang out alone today. Then we can tell each other what a great time we had with our respective hobbies and I'll pretend that I was happy for you.\n\nI wish this weren't the only fucking place on the planet I can think to put all of these thoughts. (Well, I could always call family, but I already know the answer I'll get in return.) I wish that I could just tell this all *to you*. Gods know I've tried. You're so fucking fragile when it comes to criticism. If I pour my heart out to you it just hurts you and you just shut down, and you stop listening, and you lash back in the most vicious ways you know or you cry (and I can't even tell what's worse). If I try to take it piece by piece you dodge the subject with the grace of a gazelle fleeing the rustling of the grass. I wish you could stand to feel what I feel long enough to see just what it is you're doing.\n\nI wish you weren't so baffling. If you love me, then why do you so often treat me like such shit? And if there's a deficit of love then why does it upset you so damn much that I might notice? It's not like I'm supporting you materially, what fucking reason could you have to play these games? It's fucking obvious that they don't make you any happier than I am. Just fucking *make some sense* already!\n\nI wish I didn't have to see myself tearing out my own damn heart in self defense each time I cast a speculative glance towards the future.\n\nI wish I didn't sometimes wish that I could learn to hate you.",
+      "timestamp": 1443312921.0,
+      "upvotes": 3,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1q4omto",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Projected GDP are one dimensional and unreliable or am I missing something?",
+      "sub": "india",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/1q4omto/projected_gdp_are_one_dimensional_and_unreliable/",
+      "content": "\n\nI can't wrap my head around this with constant spamming everywhere in social media by bots that india will be highest GDP in next two decades due to aeging population of other countries and India's young population n expected GDP growth you . This is purely one dimensional or am I missing something \n\nI mean there are so many variables that come into play and frankly we have reached a stage where nothing can be predicted in next 2 decades .\n\n\nLack of quality education \n\njust because we have young population , does it mean all of them are productive? It depends on quality of education right? 80 percent population still living in rations and may at best go to government schools. I mean most of them will go to manual labour or delivery gigs if inam not wrong\n\nQuality of education \n\nour education quality is mostly rota learning which does not teach us critical thinking, innovation etc compared to other countries.this will affect what future generations can bring to table. Our entire generation is pushed to CSE who works for Western countries or go into medical field\n\nLack of innovation \n\nOur innovation n R&D is shit due to red tape , corruption and lack of funding . How will our GDP increase when we do not generate revenue within country?\n\nJobs\n\nWith advent of AI , inbound remittances decreasing due tightening immigration, tighter scrutiny my Trump on offshoring  our software service industres is at risk for next few years n maybe increase joblessness as well\n\nManufacturing \n\nWe do not have manufacturing of our own . With more AI and robotics , this might also be at risk in upcoming years\n\nGeopolitics \n\ntarrifs , more wars between countries various unpredictable event will affect projected rate of growth\n\nInnovation\n\nThere might be space travel , medical break thru n various things which cannot be predicted \n\nAre all these considered as part of GDP calculation or metrics are just speculative n bragging righs for country?\n ",
+      "timestamp": 1767626900.0,
+      "upvotes": 6,
+      "num_comments": 7
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "i6ba3t",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Submit short fantasy/sci-fi stories to a e-zine for South Asian writing | Flat payment of $50 (~Rs 3750) if accepted",
+      "sub": "india",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/i6ba3t/submit_short_fantasyscifi_stories_to_a_ezine_for/",
+      "content": "**What is Tales From An Unfamiliar Nation?**\n\nHi everyone! [Tales From An Unfamiliar Nation](https://www.tfaun.com) is trying to create a space for fantasy and sci-fi stories inspired by South Asia. Our current MO is to upload one story a month. We have stories up for the next few months, but are always on the lookout for new content.\n\n**Guidelines**\n\nAll stories submitted must\n\n1. Have speculative elements integral to the story\n2. Be connected to South Asian history and/or mythology\n3. Be in English (sorry! we\u2019ll add more languages if this ever takes off!)\n4. Be shorter than 5000 words **(no exceptions)**\n5. Not be published anywhere else yet (posts on feedback forums are okay)\n6. Not simply retell mythological stories\n\n**How to submit**\n\n1. Please e-mail [**admin@tfaun.com**](mailto:admin@tfaun.com) with \"Submission\" in the subject\n2. Please include your author bio and a short intro for the story itself\n3. Submit .RTF, .DOC, .DOCX or .ODT files in [standard manuscript](http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~mslee/format.html) format\n\n**Rights**\n\n1. All rights will be reserved with the author except, by necessity, first publication\n2. Your story, if accepted, will appear on [www.tfaun.com/tales](https://www.tfaun.com/tales)\n\n**Payment**\n\n1. There is a **flat fee of $50** for accepted stories\n2. Also uncountable amounts of exposurebux (jokes apart, we *are* running ad campaigns within South Asian audiences for accepted stories. Your story's name and your name will both appear in the ad campaign.)\n\n**FAQs**\n\n1. *Is this legit?*  \nThere's nothing I can really show you to convince you of its legititude. However, there are stories up on the site (for free perusal) and the authors have been compensated. I can source testimonials if need be. Mail us at [**admin@tfaun.com**](mailto:admin@tfaun.com)!\n2. *How will I be paid?*  \nHowever is convenient to you. We are currently figuring out whether we have a standardized approach, but paypal has been the preferred mode so far.\n3. *How long before I hear back?*  \nIt's just the two of us doing this, so it might be a minute. Typically, you can expect a response on the immediate next weekend, and a decision on your story within a month (for those of you who submitted from my r/fantasywriters post last week, we're on it!)\n4. *Can I submit somewhere else while I wait?*  \nYes, but please tell us if you do so and please, please make sure you tell us if you hear back in the affirmative. You should also let the other venue know about your submission to TFAUN.\n5. *What's with the name?*  \nIt sounds neat. But if you must know, the details are in the about page at [www.tfaun.com/about](https://www.tfaun.com/about)\n6. *What is South Asia?*  \nDepending on who is counting, seven to ten countries in and around the Indian subcontinent - almost always including India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Bhutan and Sri Lanka.",
+      "timestamp": 1596937985.0,
+      "upvotes": 6,
+      "num_comments": 11
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "ay0g4x",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Thoughts around recent situation, Media, politics and wayforwards",
+      "sub": "india",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/ay0g4x/thoughts_around_recent_situation_media_politics/",
+      "content": " \n\nI drafted few of the points and frustrations I had with the media and the way current government dealt with things. These are strictly my opinions and Since Reddit is Anonymous forum, I decided to put across my thoughts here in no particular order. Writing this seem to help some of the frustrations I had with current uncomfortable situation we landed in.\n\n**Current Indian Media houses**\n\n* Hyper nationalistic, sensational and Run behind TRP\n* I am still hunting for 1 channel that does not put opinions, speculations, \"Trusted\" sources, debates, useless graphics before factual reporting.\n* Still can\u2019t understand why media want to show things which are not confirmed and corroborated by facts and official statements.\n* Many channels pick old videos from youtube, pictures from internet that matches their imagination and Narrative and try to show that as reporting pieces :(\n* Media houses seem to have formed a mini cartel in a race to TRP and ad revenue, Everyone including educated public and media houses know how messed up the reporting and journalism standards in multiple instances, they should among themselves come to a consensus of what is good reporting and stick to it in long term.\n* Long term effects of not having a reputed and non-biased media house might hurt india's democracy image. Remember media is 4th pillar of democracy, We should keep our pillars strong and healthy. I have not followed DD news, excuse my ignorance , I follow private media houses like most Indians do\n\n**What I think is right Media:**\n\n* Have a strict guidelines for media reporting issues concerning National Security. Every reporting piece that comes in media should be clearly mentioning the sources of reporting, Other cases it has to mark the screen space clearly visible mentioning if the piece is Speculation, Opinion etc.\n* Should follow a good degree of restraint in situation like this, 27/11, Surgical Strikes etc and be an example, not a laughing stock among its own people and others.\n* I understand faster reporting and quality of content reported need to be traded off in this age of smart phones and Social Media, I am still looking for that national news channel that has this tradeoff in right proportions.\n* I am still looking for that media house that has Dhoni's calmness and composure even in trying times. This might Garner respect in international community, from citizens and even from enemies\n\n**Current Government**\n\n* Government should be just a decision maker for military proposals. None of these should be used for political rallies or propaganda\u2019s. EC should have guidelines for election propaganda like they have for Hate speeches. Country comes first, Not a particular ruling party win / loss in elections based on hot headed decisions.\n* Government should start enforcing guide lines to media houses reporting sensitive information.\n* If there are strikes behind enemy lines, why are we giving the information out such in first place, why are we trying to satisfy our anger and ego? Keep faith in out\n\n**What I think is could be done by Government**\n\n* Not every military action by every country will be successful every time, there will be surprises, losses and wins, let military decide what is what and government be the rubber stamp approving their proposals. Disclose only what is needed and others should be kept confidential\n* Strikes behind enemy lines should be highly classified with a time limit (5y, 10y, 20y, 50y etc) after which details can be made public.\n* Public and media pressure should not decide the course of Military, Navy and Airforce actions. I understand emotions can be high but again country comes first and let these professionals deal with it.\n* Have a goal and Narrative, in this case the goal could be \"**JEM killed our Soldiers, we want JEM to be recognized as terrorist outfit and its leaders handed over to India and any other organizations started by its members to be going through Pak's approval with records in future**\". The Narrative and actions should stick to this until goal is reached and we move on to the next goal.\n* Right now I have an opinion that we seem to have slightly lost our narrative, we are trying to show Pak used an F-16 when they responded back for our strikes? If I look at the narrative and proof's provided as a neutral source, I am more convinced of their narrative and peace proposal than India's. Get your narrative right and keep it aligned with the Goals.\n\n**Personally**\n\nI am against war, Religion based biases in countries and systems. I really want to see peaceful relationship between India and Pakistan like France, Germany and Europe has right now. I hope both the countries grow strong economically and have lot more visa free travel and cultural exchange. Some where deep down, I also imagine Unification of both countries and grow ourselves to be a super power. I know I am dreaming, but why not?  \n\n&#x200B;\n\nPS: I have drafted this as a comment in a megathread, I thought it might be worth discussing these in a separate thread of its own and created this post.  ",
+      "timestamp": 1551888369.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "153jhlr",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My (32F) bf (32M) and our cat incompatibilities",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/153jhlr/my_32f_bf_32m_and_our_cat_incompatibilities/",
+      "content": "Throwaway - bf knows reddit - some details changed\n\nTL;DR I think bf underestimated the responsibility that goes into caring for my cat. Are our lifestyles incompatible?\n\nA few years ago (before I met bf) I worked at an exotic animal rescue and ended up fostering, then adopting an exotic big cat \"Cleo\", as there was no room for her at the facility. This was all done legally, with permits/inspections/training/etc. I have absolutely no regrets and like to think I've given Cleo a pretty nice life. \n\nWhile having her has been extremely fulfilling, basically my whole life revolves around her care (which is what I signed up for). When I started dating bf (three years ago), he knew this and was extremely supportive. He loved Cleo and called her his \"cat daughter\".\n\nHe eventually proposed moving in together, but the issue was that he has two cats (regular cats). Cleo had never been exposed to house cats, but one of the reasons the rescue couldn't take her was that she was too aggressive with the other big cats of her species. It was speculated that she may have been acting this way due to stress/past abuse/injury. \n\nWe decided to try introducing them in a neutral space with lots of precautions. It ended up going really well - they mostly ignored each other. After doing this a bunch of times, we decided bf would move in with me on a trial basis. I had a big outdoor enclosure for Cleo, and we made a smaller enclosure for his cats. We would periodically let them have supervised interaction time, and rotate their time in the house.\n\nA year later, we decided to buy a house together, and recreate the same cat space situation. I work at home, and it has always been understood, that during my working hours, Cleo gets house access, as she gets intense separation anxiety. Bf's cats still have their separate outdoor area, but get access to the garage. When bf gets home, I take Cleo on a walk, then play with her outside or in my office, so bf can have time in the main house to play with his cats. Then we let them all have their supervised together time, before night, when they go back to their separate spaces.\n\nBf's job recently transitioned to wfh, and lately he's been frustrated with the rotation situation. He wants his cats to be in the main house during the day while he works. I totally get that, but neither of us are able to provide the supervision I feel is necessary for that situation. Locking Cleo in my office is not feasible, nor is rotating them - as Cleo will become distressed and loud/destructive. Lately, bf keeps letting his cats in without telling me, and brushes off my concerns about supervision. \n\nA few days ago, bf had some friends in town along with their three young children. He mentioned they were excited to meet Cleo. I had some reservations - as I've never seen Cleo interact with children. I suggested they meet her from the outside of her enclosure, then maybe we take them in one at a time, depending how it goes. Bf was dismissive, saying I was being overly cautious, and Cleo is so good with everyone (because I have worked hard to make socializing a positive experience for her). I did put my foot down and tell him I wanted to do it my way. \n\nThe afternoon his friends arrived, I was running late due to some errands and they were already there when I got in. I opened the door, and the whole group was in the living room, including bf, his friends, their three kids, his two cats, and Cleo. It was totally chaotic. Bf (and friends) had obviously had a bit to drink, no one was supervising, Cleo looked stressed. I went to go grab her, and just as a got there, one of the kids grabbed one of bf's cats, who then slammed into Cleo trying to escape. Cleo basically lost her shit and attacked bf's cat. \n\nWe pulled them apart - bf's cat was bloody and rushed to the animal hospital. I stayed with Cleo to calm her down after everyone left. Bf's cat was okay but needed a lot of stitches. \n\nThe vet bill was huge and bf feels I should pay half and was also upset I stayed with Cleo instead of coming to the vet. I told him Cleo was my priority and while I was glad his cat was okay, I didn't feel I owed him any money. He's furious and keeps referencing all the sacrifices he makes for Cleo, and how I'm not returning the favor with his cats. \n\nIt's true - he does do a lot for Cleo. He's always adding stuff to her enclosure/buying her toys/playing with her. I am kind to his cats, but Cleo needs a lot. I get why he wants a more \"normal\" situation with his cats, but I feel like I was upfront about what is necessary for her care, and he agreed to it. Lately, he's been making it out like I've been doing these things to spite him, or be controlling, but this is always how it's been, and I can't change it.\n\nHe's calmed down a bit, but I'm worried this is an incompatible situation. Now he's saying maybe he'll just re-home his cats...I don't want that for him, but I don't feel like I can change the situation. I feel like he'll resent me if it comes to that, and I'm not sure where to go from here...",
+      "timestamp": 1689737653.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 4
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "13p266c",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Wife's (34F) friend (28F) of 9 years blocked her with no explanation. Looking for advice on what happened and if there's anything she can do to make it right/get some closure.",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13p266c/wifes_34f_friend_28f_of_9_years_blocked_her_with/",
+      "content": "I\u2019m asking for feedback and insight for my wife Kate (F34) since she\u2019s not on Reddit. We\u2019re both pretty baffled by this situation and want to give her friend the benefit of the doubt, but it seems like she has cut my wife out of her life for no reason at all, and done so without any explanation. For context, I have known my wife for about 2.5 years and I\u2019ve actually never met this friend since she started to distance herself from my wife shortly after we met. Using fake names for anonymity. \n\nKate had a friend Anna (F28) who she met in 2013. They were very close friends for the last 9 years, but in the last year Anna has grown more and more distant, leading to her eventually blocking my wife on social media without explanation. Kate has explained that they were close friends for years, and that she would consider Anna one of her closest friends. Kate has a handful of other amazing, really strong, supportive friendships, so I consider that a pretty huge statement when she says that Anna was one of her best friends. They would talk multiple times a month on the phone, supported each other through career changes, emotional hard times, continued to be close after moving out of state, and Kate just generally felt like they mutually had a strong connection and would be there for eachother throughout life. \n\nI\u2019m biased and have only seen my wife continuously hurt by the actions of Anna, so I might be looking for confirmation bias of Anna\u2019s poor character and that she\u2019s been an awful friend since I\u2019ve known Kate. A bit more context to show some backstory on what I think highlights some pretty awful character in Anna. Remember, I\u2019ve never met her so I\u2019ve just seen my wife go from worried about her because she was in a dark place and couldn\u2019t talk much, to her just saying \u201cI wish you the best\u201d when we invited her to our engagement party and wedding, with no response on wanting to come, to eventually blocking her on socials. \n\nThis past year has been extremely hard on Kate for a number of reasons. Her mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer out of nowhere last June, which spread to her bones, and eventually her brain in November. She passed away in February earlier this year. It\u2019s been the toughest experience of my wife\u2019s life, she talked to her mom 2-3 times a day on the phone, and generally thought of her mom as her guiding light and source of wisdom, comfort, and love in the world. The rest of her family is nowhere near as loving and supportive as her mom was, and it\u2019s been absolutely devastating. We had a wedding planned for this summer but did a small ceremony in the hospital just days before her mom passed so she could celebrate with us. \n\n\nOver the course of the year, her mom encouraged us to buy our first house and co-signed with us when we found an amazing deal on a phenomenal place, she encouraged Kate to take a risk on a new dream job and leaving the safety of her old job, and she was completely supportive of us getting engaged and moving this quickly in our lives together. So in the last year, we\u2019ve had major major life events - her mom was diagnosed with cancer, she completely changed jobs, got engaged, we bought a house, and got a dog. Kate\u2019s dad was also diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago (not as aggressive and late stage as her mother\u2019s), so it\u2019s been a lot. Throughout all of this, we have had an overwhelming amount of support and help from our friends and family, and Kate\u2019s friends especially have shown up and been there for her/ us. They\u2019ve done meal trains for us, come to help clean our house and take care of our dog when we were in the hospital, helped us throw together a last minute wedding ceremony in the hospital, and have genuinely shown us so much love. It\u2019s made a really difficult time a lot more manageable, and has shown me the depth of these friendships that Kate has developed. I admire how much effort her and her friends put into each other\u2019s lives, and it has made this situation with Anna that much more confusing.\n\nAnna basically stopped answering Kate\u2019s calls in September of last year. She had bailed on scheduled calls they had multiple times, and kept saying she was in a dark place but didn\u2019t elaborate. Kate left her a message, telling her that she was feeling distance in their relationship, and that she loved and cared about Anna and hoped she could do something to get keep their friendship from dissolving, and that if she needed space then she would keep giving it to her. She made sure to tell her she would always be supportive of her and hoped she would reach back out when she\u2019s ready. She also invited Anna to our engagement party and wedding (we hadn\u2019t done the hospital ceremony yet). Anna replied with \u201cyeah I feel distance too. Wishing you the best for your engagement\u201d, without acknowledging the invites, or giving any insight into her bailing on Kate multiple times and not speaking for 6 months. Fast forward and everything happens, house buying, dog, new job, Kate\u2019s mom dies. Kate posts the new house and new job announcement on socials. And a post with ceremony pictures and her mother\u2019s death on Facebook after it happens. At this point we haven\u2019t heard from Anna in 5 months. Fast forward to now, hasn\u2019t heard anything from Anna for 8 months, and Kate sees that Anna has unfriended her on social media. \n\nI know in the grand scheme of everything else that\u2019s happening, this friend vanishing from Kate\u2019s life is not nearly as impactful as everything else that\u2019s happened, but it\u2019s just been hurtful and confusing, and icing on a really shitty cake. Kate beats herself up and wonders if she should have done something differently. I\u2019m of the opinion that Anna has been an awful friend, that her behavior has been a passive non-confrontational way of ending their friendship, and the timing just seems cruel. i can only speculate that she saw the social media posts and has seen everything Kate has gone through this year and didn\u2019t have the courage to face her to say she didn\u2019t want to be friends anymore. I don\u2019t know what could justify her blocking Kate, but it seems completely out of left field and maybe I\u2019m overprotective of Kate but this woman has done nothing at all to deserve this treatment. On the contrary, she goes above and beyond in her friendships and gives unconditional love to her friends that they reciprocate and have relationships that I admire and strive for in my life.  \n\nWe realize it\u2019s probably wise to just leave the situation alone and accept that the friendship is over and we\u2019ll never understand why, but we\u2019re wondering if we stand to gain anything/if my wife will be an asshole by reaching out to Kate one last time and telling her 1) that her behavior has really hurt Kate, and 2) asking her for any sort of explanation for some closure. I guess we\u2019re just looking for advice and insight on what the heck happened? \n\nTl;dr \nMy wife Kate had a friend Anna, who over the last year has passively distanced herself more and more from Kate. They were very close friends for almost 10 years, and suddenly she stopped trying at all, to the point of not even replying to a wedding invite, buying a house, and even mentioning that her mother passed away, and eventually blocking her on social media. Confused and wondering why it happened, and if there\u2019s anything we can do for closure, or if it\u2019s just best to move on.",
+      "timestamp": 1684787168.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 4
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "13fbfqi",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My (18F) friend (18F) just cut me off and I think it\u2019s because I\u2019m not a homophobe",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13fbfqi/my_18f_friend_18f_just_cut_me_off_and_i_think_its/",
+      "content": "Customary I\u2019m not a Reddit user but see Reddit posts on other social media so I\u2019m here for advice.\n\nMy friend, who I\u2019ll call Z, and I have been (were?) friends for 8 years at this point. We first met when we were 10, but became closer when we were 11. We went to the same school all throughought middle school and high school. With the way the education system works, we graduated together last year and then I moved abroad and she stayed in the same city.\n\nWell, around February of last year, she was paired up for a project/event with this other guy in our grade by one of our teachers. Over the course of that project, they got closer and I was happy that she was making new friends because she\u2019s really introverted and prefers to spend time on our own. The guy, who I\u2019ll call H (18M), didn\u2019t really leave a lasting impression on me when we first met. Just a regular old guy. But our first proper conversation was when I called him out for using the n-word (we\u2019re not black) and he reacted aggressively. Needless to say, I\u2019m not too fond of him.\n\nNow Z and I have been friends for ages, but it would be silly to deny that we aren\u2019t as close as we once were anymore. But like all childhood friendships, there\u2019s still a connection there because we essentially grew up together and watched each other become who we are. So it seemed as if H quickly filled the space that I had left in her life, and I wasn\u2019t sour about it because I had other friends I was closer to, too.\n\nWell, I\u2019m not sure when they made their relationship official, because Z never explicitly told me, but it was obvious to everyone that they were together with how lovestruck she was always acting. An important thing to note here is that we live in an extremely conservative religious country where relationships before marriage are frowned upon. So it\u2019s possible that she didn\u2019t tell me because she was afraid of my reaction\u2014 a mutual friend actually confirmed that this was indeed the reason.\n\nI have very liberal opinions that don\u2019t necessarily always align with my religion. So I posted a story on my account that only had close friends on it saying that I support the LGBT+ community and if anyone has a problem with that opinion they can go ahead and unfollow.\n \nH did not unfollow. H took it upon himself to DM me and tell me my opinion is \u2018wrong\u2019 and asked me to justify it. I told him it was quite literally none of his business and I didn\u2019t owe him an explanation for anything. He kept insisting and said that he just wanted to understand the logic of \u2018someone like me\u2019. So of course I said simple obvious truths like \u2018love is love, I can\u2019t blame people for things they can\u2019t control\u2019, and \u2018it\u2019s live and let live\u2019. I didn\u2019t want to get into a deep, religious debate with a homophobic buffoon. In response, he said disgusting (imo) things like \u2018So you must think pedophilia and incest are fine too, because love is love. And serial killers can\u2019t control the urge to kill, so they aren\u2019t wrong either\u2019. Which. What? I said that I have a lot of LGBT+ friends who are extremely kind wonderful people, and he said that I was peer pressured into having this opinion. Which didn\u2019t make sense to me because I\u2019m not the one living in a homogeneous country where everyone is the same race, ethnicity, religion, and where minorities are persecuted for no reason. But I digress.\n\nAnyways, I was thinking the entire time that this guy is such a hypocrite, bashing me for not following religion to a T while being in an unallowed relationship himself. I didn\u2019t say anything to his face, because I knew that anything I said would get back to Z and I didn\u2019t want to hurt her feelings.\n\nBut what I did do was DM Z separately politely asking her to control her bf and get him out of my DMs. As friends do, right? Wrong. She seenzoned me for 12 hours, by which point the conversation with H had ended anyway (he removed me from all of his accounts + unfollowed all of mine), and I decided to message her again just asking what was up. No response. Not even a seenzone.\n\nWell by this point, I was pretty pissed, so I told the same mutual friend from before about what had happened and she DMed Z on my behalf to ask if she was mad. She was. Why, you ask? Because I dragged her into the situation. The only reason i did that was because she\u2019s always flaunting her relationship in front of everyone, so I really didn\u2019t think she\u2019d mind. She did. She then went on to say that we (her and I) had a falling out in grade 9, which was news to me. Yes, we aren\u2019t as close as we were before, but we were still pretty close. She mentioned to our mutual friend that she was going to talk to H, but she never talked to me to hear my side of the story. I\u2019m very certain he exaggerated it and made me seem like the bad guy.\n\nSo moving on, I blocked H and didn\u2019t contact Z again. Z was still watching all of my stories and stuff, so I could tell she was completely active, she just didn\u2019t want to talk to me. She\u2019d told our mutual friend that she didn\u2019t want to take added stress on top of stress about finals, which, fair. So I left her alone.\n\nThis was 3 weeks ago. Two days ago, I woke up to find Z had changed her profile picture overnight (we\u2019d been matching for 2 years) without saying a single word to me, and had also removed me from all of her accounts + unfollowed all of mine. All without telling me why or responding to my messages.\n\nAnother important thing to mention here is that Z defends H with her life. It\u2019s like she\u2019s completely obsessed with him; she\u2019d get jealous when our mutual friend even talked to H in class even before Z+H were in a relationship. Just small things like that adding up. Besides this, I also get the vibe that H is toxic and manipulative, and it\u2019s quite possible that he talked shit about me to her and convinced her to cut me off. But this is pure speculation only.\n\nI guess I\u2019m just wondering if I should do anything at this point? Is this relationship even salvageable? Because underneath it all, Z is still a kind, talented individual who I don\u2019t want to lose as a friend. Are there red flags I\u2019m not seeing?\n\nTL;DR: Got into an argument with my childhood friend\u2019s homophobic boyfriend about support for the LGBT+ community. DMed her to ask her to talk to him and get her out of my DMs, and she seenzoned me and then cut me off. Did I do something wrong? Should I fix this?",
+      "timestamp": 1683867902.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 2
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "zs2tmg",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I (22M) recently broke up but still live with my (22F) girlfriend and I think she hates me and don't know what to do about it",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zs2tmg/i_22m_recently_broke_up_but_still_live_with_my/",
+      "content": "So a lot of backstory and context has to come first sorry for the length. My girlfriend (21) and I (22) broke up about 3 weeks ago. We had been dating 4 years and as far as I thought had a decent relationship, we made each other laugh and enjoyed each others company and interests. We never full on argued or yelled at each other, sometimes we were jerks to each other but fairly rarely and mostly over petty stuff, and our only real arguments always ended with her giving me the silent treatment. We felt good together and started building a life, we have 4 cats and a chinchilla as well as a lease we're both on, we bought major appliances that we share etc..\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHer reasons for breaking up with me are still kind of a mystery to me. She stopped talking to me for 3 days first, every time she got home she went straight to bed and said she was tired and didn't want to talk. Then she jumped me one morning right as I woke up and said it was over and left for the rest of the day to go to her (22f) best friends house. She came back the next day and I was distraught especially after the day alone to stew, I did not handle it well and begged her to take me back and even said I wasn't sure if I even wanted to live without her. She held firm and despite my emotions we agreed to terms on keeping the lease and dividing the rooms up so she could have space. I tried to talk to her a few times the first couple days to get her reasons for leaving me and she said it wasn't my fault I did nothing wrong and she still even loved me to some extent. She said it was because she was unhappy for a long time, and because we're too reliant on each other and she just wants to live alone for once. This makes no sense to me because we bought a cat together less than a month before that, we also renewed the lease less than 3 months before and had our anniversary where we went out all day together and had a great time, she didn't seem unhappy at all. I also have a large friend group I hang out with and never had an issue providing space if she asked, if anything I've always been the more independent one. I hate speculating because its not fair but this is relevant, she's been having a miserable time at work lately, she also just dropped out of college for the second time, and I've been too busy with work for us to go on date nights so we mostly just watched tv and talked the last couple months. On top of that there's a guy she met at her job about 2 months ago that she hangs out with and seems to like a lot, she assures me he isn't involved even though from what I can tell he's been flirting with her even though he was aware she wasn't single. She has also started hanging out with this guy slightly (like once maybe twice a week mostly after work for a few hours) more since we broke up. So my thought is her real reasoning is she's been unhappy recently and became infatuated with another person, and has been having doubts about committing so early in life so she decided to leave to see if she could do better either with this person or alone. And because she thinks this will hurt me she doesn't want to say it. But I'm also not an unbiased observer so take that with a grain of salt. Either way in the end I ended up talking with her at length one last time to say I wanted to break up with her too to make it mutual, and it was the truth mostly because while we were dating and now during the breakup she refused to communicate while I've tried to be open as best I can. I thought that would help clear the air and put us on even footing, but it was the last time we had a real conversation.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAnyway mostly due to the lease we still live together now despite being broken up. I have 2 small rooms 1 is my bedroom and the other is my office, I use the hall bathroom outside the master bedroom. She has the master bedroom which accommodates a bed and her desk and stuff, it has a bathroom and closet attached. I still use the kitchen and living room a little, but she essentially never goes downstairs unless she has no choice. Now I take care of all the chores except her laundry, I take care of the cats and chinchilla alone. Since the breakup she essentially goes out all day for work or with her best friend, or hides in her room with the door shut when she is here.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy problem is that despite her saying she doesn't dislike me and that we could even still be friends she now avoids me. At this point I'm no longer emotional, I'm still hurt but I respect her enough that I'm not trying to rekindle what we had. Whatever her reasons she's an adult and can do what she wants and I have reasons of my own, especially now, not to want her back. I say this because if I was begging her to come back every time I saw her it would make sense to avoid me, but I'm not I'm just trying to be friendly and civil since we are still roommates and have to see each other. I thought we could even at least be friends again at some point. Despite this and her saying we could still be friends when I'm out in the house she doesn't come out, and if I come out while she's out she leaves immediately. Generally this is fine, if she wants space she can have it. But when I do speak to her either to say hello or ask something she gets super agitated and starts walking towards her room while I'm still talking and as soon as I'm done and she give me a terse answer she shuts the door and locks it so I can hear as if I'm a threat to be kept out. When I text her about leftovers or ask a question or just to send her a meme she leaves me on read every time. This has been fine for 2 weeks because I thought it would get better and for one of the weeks I literally didn't see her physically and only texted her about food and having people over one night. After that long stint I tried to strike up a conversation thinking a week of no contact would have helped, but now she's angry every time I'm near she refuses to even speak to me more than a few terse words. She's avoiding me and treating in a way that I almost mark as malicious, but again I'm not unbiased.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo with the way things are going she went from silent treatment for 3 days, to a semi civil break up, to ghosting me for a week, and now as far as I can tell hating my guts. It just seems to be getting worse, and as it is right now I honestly can't stand living with her for the rest of the lease if this is permanent. So I ask you people of reddit, can you empathize with her? If you can I need to know, is it that she had a different reason to break up she won't tell me and now avoids me out of guilt? Is she going through a depression and I need to be patient? Should I just say fuck the lease and leave at a large cost and effort, or ask her to leave? Is there anything you can say or do to help a person acting this way? Should I just leave her alone and hope it gets better?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAnswer any of my questions or provide whatever advice you can. Ask any questions for clarity you need I'll try to answer.\n\n&#x200B;\n\ntl;dr My long term gf broke up with me out of nowhere and won't tell me clearly why. We still live together and I take care of the house and the pets while she avoids me, or treats me like her worst enemy when she does see or have to speak to me. I don't want to date again, but I still like her as a person and would love to be friends. What do I do.",
+      "timestamp": 1671660676.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 6
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "yc97d9",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Can't open a conversation about messiness",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yc97d9/cant_open_a_conversation_about_messiness/",
+      "content": "Hello Reddit. I am at my wit's end so hopefully someone can help me out here! Me (35M) and my partner (35F) have a great relationship since 7 years -- with the usual annoyances and arguments from time to time, but honestly we're doing great and although this post is about a problem, I would need a thousand posts to describe all the positive things! But there's a recurring issue that's been around for years and that we're just not able to resolve together, and I would love some advice, please.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTLDR: My partner has trouble throwing things away and will put a lot of things on ever-growing piles where they stay in limbo. I get a huge amount of stress from seeing these piles and knowing that behind closed doors (closets, drawers) there are even more of these piles -- and even just thinking about those places, let alone physically looking inside one of them, makes me mentally and physically very stressed. Bringing this up is an almost-certain recipe for a big argument and so far it almost never gets resolved. This has been going on for maybe 4-5 years by now and **I need help with how to bring this up in a way that doesn't make her feel like I'm attacking her while also leading to some kind of action/compromise that we can both live with.** Or how I can change myself so it bothers me less.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy partner is one of those people that has a tendency to put off little things when she feels busy or overwhelmed, to deal with them later. That's normal, I'm like that too. But the way it manifests itself is she will put things on piles throughout the house for days, weeks, months and in some cases years, without any idea when those items will be sorted out. Examples:\n\n* After returning from a hiking vacation, the map that we used during the hike\n* A candle holder that we both really don't like\n* A $2 receipt for a coffee from a trip she made 10 years ago\n* Cards announcing that friends have had a baby\n* Information brochures from a shop that we've visited\n* A broken printer\n* Receipts from supermarkets and other stores\n* Mail, lots of mail! And magazines\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHaving these things is totally normal! And wanting to keep some of these things is totally normal too! The problem is that these things will usually first go 'temporarily' into certain highly visible places, specifically: the kitchen island, the dining table, or a large closet (this last one is really huge and I would estimate contains maybe 90% her things and 10% mine, and of her 90% I would estimate about 40% is unsorted objects like the stuff in the list above), and then they will stay there for months or even years until the pile gets too big. And while in some cases the objects might really be sorted out (given or thrown away, or if she decides to keep it put in a more permanent place), in other cases they'll just be moved to another pile (often, that large closet). I'd love if we could find a way doing this decision much earlier of whether we want to keep it (*and then put it in a logical place*) or not (*and then we might as well get rid of it now rather than at some to be determined point in the future*). \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAlmost whenever I bring this subject up, we very quickly end up having an argument. I'm definitely part of the problem here: this situation just gives me so much stress, and I'm wary of sparking an argument so already I avoid bringing it up, so when I do bring it up there's accumulated stress and annoyance from my side. And my partner mostly reacts in a similar way as well: she'll bring up how many things she has on her plate, how sometimes I leave things lying around as well, how she's done a lot of other things around the house (both of these are 100% true), and when she gets more angry how she doesn't want to \"completely change\" because what I \"want\" her to. Pretty quickly I get angry and she gets angry and it just becomes a big argument. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo far the solutions she's brought up are i) me *granting* her a place in the house where she can store these piles (e.g., a desk or a room); ii) buying more storage space, like another closet or installing shelves, to store these things; and iii) waiting until a day when she has the time to go through these things. For me, i and ii in this list actually create more stress, because I kind of worry that having even more spaces to store things would lead to even more things being stored and for longer, in a kind of limbo state. We already have many items untouched for years in boxes in the attic as well as in that large closet so that's why I worry that creating more storage spaces will just lead to more things being stored like this and for longer. And for iii, this has been going on for so long that I kind of feel like we'd just continue waiting for Godot. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nThere is 1 example of when it kind of worked out, which is when I took one of the bigger piles while she wasn't home and sorted it into 3 smaller piles, with things that I thought she would definitely want to keep, things of which I was sure she didn't want to keep, and things that she needed to decide herself (this pile was larger than the other 2). When she first got home she got really stressed out and said \"noooooo I really don't want to have to deal with this.\" And although it was painful for her to spend 30 minutes with me going through those 3 piles, when it was done she also felt good about it and was thankful that I'd helped her with this. And she speculated that she's got 2 characteristics that complicate this situation: she's indecisive and feels uncomfortable definitively deciding to get rid of something (*I might need it in the future*) and she doesn't like to be wasteful and haphazardly throw things away when there's already so much pollution in the world. But unfortunately that was really an exception and almost all other times this would lead to a big argument.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nWell, this story is too long already. Hopefully there's enough info here for someone to be able to offer some advice. Does anyone have any tips of how I could approach this situation?",
+      "timestamp": 1666612308.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 1
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "xoi1ju",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Update \"Last night I asked the woman I'm seriously dating what she thought was the worst thing about me, now she has told me to leave her alone, how can I fix this?\"",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xoi1ju/update_last_night_i_asked_the_woman_im_seriously/",
+      "content": "I received a lot of hate and vitriol yesterday from my post many wild assumptions/accusations were made that I think was mostly gaslighting and projecting types of behavior. Many commenters assumed the worst of me and were making just plain mean and rude assumptions about my character that werent based on anything other than conjecture. To the people saying that I should have dumped her, ran the other way, or not reached out in anyway after she said to leave her alone, being that avoidant will never bring things back to a point of repair. There is a balance between respecting space and boundaries and bringing things into a repair sense, you cant repair without communication. Either way, she texted me, I called her back and asked if I could come over to apologize in person but I understood if not, she obliged, and we were able to repair things and I feel like understand eachother even better now. How people navigate conflict says a lot about the type of person and partner you are and I think we both do that exceptionally well.\n\nTo the people saying its cringe to describe myself as empathetic or thats deluded. Well I think most people are empathetic and its a pretty sad view of people if you dont see that. I never said I care more about other people more than anybody else, I dont get where the assumptions come from. I never said or suggested that she isnt allowed to have the time or space to process some of the recent things shes been through and Ive been extremely supportive and considerate of that. Im not perfect though and it can be hard at times as well. That in no way should be received as shutting down the conversation. To be honest, I dont actually want anything to change about her behavior or sharing of things with me. It was an entirely pointless and needless thing to even say. I was not intending to shut her down and I really value things being shared with me and do feel like she can talk openly and honestly about the past with me, just sometimes when its related to this 1 person it can be sort of hard to hear, but that is OKAY!\n\nTo the people saying she is not ready for a committed defined relationship, of course, we've talked in depth about that and agree about that. Timing is not good. We do share a special connection that came entirely unexpectedly and it's worth the risk/is something to cherish. I'm also going to be traveling solo around the world the next 3 months and that will be hugely positive for her to be able to mourn, process, and grow on her own without me being a distraction from that.\n\nAlso to the people criticizing me for making a point of having weekly relationship checkins and saying that is creepy, I recommend looking into some books like \"Hold Me Tight\" by Sue Johnson, or following thesecurerelationship on Instagram. For some reason I trust a licensed relationship psychologist better than randos on Reddit on that matter.\n\nI realized I had made an egregious mistake and it was out of character and was seeking advice on how to bring things back to a point of repair. Of course it was stupid, selfish, and toxic way to communicate and a vile/cruel conversation. I regret what happened and would take it back if I could but am making the steps to not make such dumb mistakes in the future.\n\nNevertheless there was some excellent advice in the thread and I was able to mend things and get back on track through simple honesty and sincere/open communication when I wasn't drunk. We talked about better ways to voice concerns and to be more aware of time/place when having a heavy conversation. Overall I am fine talking about her ex and Ive never lied about that, but also sometimes it can be hard to hear. Nothing is black and white or 100% in my mind and its okay for feelings and emotions about things to change with time. I need to better communicate when I dont have the emotional capacity or energy to engage in those conversations so that it doesnt bubble up in a horrible and toxic way later on. \n\nThank you to the few people that did not attack me and actually provided some solid advice. It was definitely helpful.",
+      "timestamp": 1664195647.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 13
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "xlgl0e",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Guy I'm hooking up with couldn't get hard and now seems to be ghosting me",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xlgl0e/guy_im_hooking_up_with_couldnt_get_hard_and_now/",
+      "content": "Hi Reddit \n\nI'd really appreciate some advice on how to deal with a situation that's taking way too much space on my mind and it absolutely shouldn't. I'll try to keep it short. Masculine points of view will be very welcome!!! ;)\n\nI'm getting to know this guy, he's a colleague at my new workplace (I know, bad choice). I'm really into him for several reasons, in all honesty I thought we were super compatible. We see each other 3x week. \n\nWe went out together a couple times and it was actually very nice. We then arranged to meet for sex at his place. The attraction seemed undeniable on both sides so it felt like the natural thing to do next. However, when the crucial point came, he was totally unable to get hard. It was just impossible - he blamed it on stress and pressure, later even said it had nothing to do with me since I was super hot. \n\nWell, it's been nearly 2 weeks after that and we barely talk or interact at all. The cool chemistry we seemed to have is off, and I can't shake the feeling that he's acting cold and uninterested towards me. \n\nI have reassured him that I didn't think anything negative of what happened, and I have stated that we can also hang out in non-sexual ways so that neither of us feels pressured and gets performance anxiety. He said he really appreciated it but hasn't asked me out ever since or suggested any plans. After these events, he insinuated he was a little embarrassed but then we kissed one day as if everything was normal and yet he doesn't make any more moves - especially this week it felt like we barely talked or texted or said anything. His answers are super short and neutral :/\n\nI'm feeling a bit frustrated with the whole situation, especially since we see each other constantly and I hate all of the uncertainty. \n\nI should also mention we had very opposite energies in bed - I was very straight forward and shameless (not gonna lie, I was super horny) whereas he was more shy and cautious. I thought he was a bit intimated by how I conducted myself. \n\nI'd like to know what you guys think... Is it that he's not attracted to me anymore? Could he be feeling embarrassed still? Should I open up to him and tell him I'm feeling weird & I'd like to know what he thinks?? I'm going a bit crazy with the speculation and would love to just know what he's thinking.  \n\nHow would you guys approach the situation? \n\nThank you \ud83d\udc97\n\nEdit: I'd like to add extra information cause I think it could be helpful. He's much older than I am (15 year difference). I'm in my mid twenties. I don't know if this could also represent a big blow on his ego??? I mean, his age is irrelevant to me, I find him super attractive and interesting, but maybe for him it is a huge deal he couldn't perform because he thinks he should look experienced or something??",
+      "timestamp": 1663888504.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 18
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "wrkg58",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I (26F) Need Advice on Personality of Two Men (30M & 47M)",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wrkg58/i_26f_need_advice_on_personality_of_two_men_30m/",
+      "content": "Hey Everyone! I need some advice on choosing between two men that I am dating (both are aware and consented). This is a throw away account since both follow me on Reddit. After dating both for several months they agreed that I need to make a final decision on which I prefer since they had other options that appear to be interested in them. I agree as it has been 7 months and I feel like I know both pretty well. However, they both come with different personalities and I am finding it hard to choose.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nGuy 1 (30, M) his name is Mark. Mark is a wonderful guy. Pros: he and I give each other space and freedom, great communication between us - it's actually impressive how well we think alike and the similar choices we make; he isn't crazy affectionate but after speaking to him about my desires he actually changed and has gotten better (not 100% but he did make changes and I have felt a bit more wanted by him); he actually takes my advice and we work well with problem solving concerns; I also like he and I can talk about anything and have deep conversations. The only cons are: in terms of passion...it's not really there. It's almost child-like and I am a VERY passionate woman. So that's been bothering me a bit. The other concern is that...sometimes he can appear distant because he enjoys his alone and personal time too much. Nothing wrong with it but it can be a bit lonely sometimes.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nGuy 2 (47, M) his name is Patrick. Patrick and I are close to 20 years apart. He is not married and no kids. Patrick is somewhat the opposite of Mark. He is a VERY passionate lover - honestly, the best I have ever had - and he desires me. He and I will spend a lot of time together and he even tries to plan things (something Mark isn't all that great with). He is crazy about me and thinks of me everywhere he goes - he will sometimes purchase things for me when he is out and about (something Mark doesn't really do). He is a good communicator and we have definitely had deep conversations that intrigue us. The cons: Sometimes I am afraid that he may be too hypersexual - we can go 4x a day. I know as time goes on, what if I change...would he still want to be with me(?) Pat is also financially unaware - he has joked about his bank account being in the negatives because he sometimes can't control his spending (Mark is financially responsible) and that terrifies me. I am just worried that that passion and sex-drive we have together is keeping me from seeing the cons/downfalls.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTLDR; I am dating both men (consensually) and I enjoy both of their personalities - however, I need to decide which is a better fit and would be marriage material. If I could take a bit of personality from each guy I would be in heaven. However, that is not the case. Mark  is someone I could see myself marrying due to how well we work and communicate and how neutral our relationship is....but afraid that our lack of desire and passion will make me grow bored with him. On the other had, Patrick is still a sweet and wonderful man. When I am with him I feel like the only woman in the world that has his attention. However, I am afraid that the passion would die really quick due to the stress of his money management and potential lack of freedom he might not give me (speculation but I can potentially see it).\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAny suggestions or help would be appreciated. I am seriously in a bind and I have no idea what to do.",
+      "timestamp": 1660831489.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 3
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "r4nrhj",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My (20M) boyfriend (22M) is still updating his Tinder profile after we've been dating for over a year. What should I do?",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r4nrhj/my_20m_boyfriend_22m_is_still_updating_his_tinder/",
+      "content": "So I\u2019ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now and we\u2019ve been lost distance for much of it since I go to school in Pennsylvania and he lives and works in Illinois. I thought this wasn\u2019t much of a problem as we try to make the most of our time together when we do get to spend it, however, I noticed some changes in his behavior recently. \n\nSo some background: I only started noticing these changes after my grandma passed away and he attended the funeral with me (I was a complete mess since I had a breakdown at the thought of being around extended family. I\u2019ve been trying to distance myself for many reasons that are all unrelated to this post).\n\nSo usually we try to spend the whole day together when I visit and we stay out really late, even when he has work the next day. He used to even suggest things like staying a night in a hotel and just leaving to work from there, but recently he\u2019s been sort of distant. When I drive down to visit him and family I always offer to pick him up from work or take him out to dinner (my treat) and normally he\u2019s super down to hang out, but lately, I feel he\u2019s been wanting to cut dates short and he\u2019s taken much longer to respond to texts. I always try to give him space since I don\u2019t want to be *that* kind of partner, so I also never brought this up to him since it\u2019s just speculation as of now. \n\nSide note: I had tinder for my friend. I had tried to set her up on a date since I really wanted to go on a double date. The first guy didn\u2019t pan out, so I elected to delete her account after she said she didn\u2019t wanna try dating again. This was never a problem with him (or at least he never stated it was) as I made it very clear that it was for Jessica (fake name lol) and I showed him the account and everything as I didn\u2019t want him to worry about it. \n\nAnother side note: He never deleted his tinder when we started dating and even on some dates he\u2019d openly swipe while I was next to him, but I never thought much of it. He stopped doing this nearing our one-year anniversary.\n\nOkay, back to the story, so I was home for Thanksgiving and I had just deleted my friend's tinder off of my phone. I have no idea why, but I got this weird feeling that I should relog into my old tinder account. I did and was met with a screen saying that my account had been disabled yadda yadda yadda. So I went over to my messages tab and realized REALLY quickly that he had a different profile photo.. \u201cokay\u201d I thought, but I brushed it off and closed the app, not thinking much of it until just now. \n\nSo I\u2019m back in Pennsylvania for school and my friend and I were talking about her tinder when I remembered what I had seen and got curious again. I reopened the app and I saw his new profile photo. I then went through and realized he had not only two new photos (one of which I distinctly remembered had been taken WHILE we were dating (about 2 months before our anniversary), but he also had changed his bio from his cute dad joke that courted me to one that now included his height and some of his hobbies. \n\nI was floored, but I kept my composure and didn\u2019t raise a peep about it. I don\u2019t know what to do. Should I ask him about it? Should I just wait till I see him again and go through his phone? Although I really don\u2019t wanna look like the jealous one or invade his privacy. This could all be nothing, but I\u2019m just so worried because this is my first really stable relationship... \n\nReddit, what should I do, and is this a sign that he\u2019s possibly cheating?\n\n**Update**: Thanks for everyone\u2019s advice. I talked to him about it and it wasn\u2019t easy (I\u2019m horrendously bad at confrontation), but I think we worked it out. While I don\u2019t fully trust him again and likely won\u2019t for a while, I\u2019ll ride it out and see what happens. I\u2019ll post any updates about it.",
+      "timestamp": 1638161320.0,
+      "upvotes": 6,
+      "num_comments": 5
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "quvpvm",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Update (Kind of?): Baby steps in a better direction with my FWB and maybe its just in my head. [30/M, 30/F]",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/quvpvm/update_kind_of_baby_steps_in_a_better_direction/",
+      "content": "I was sort of hesitant to post an update, part of it is out of habit thinking that it's not a big deal and I'm asking advice on something \"trivial\" at the same time I wanted to seek advice from others because I want to keep my relationship with this person going and see what may come to fruition. I would appreciate advice ya'll would give me.\n\nFor context I made a post previously with my concerns about goofing up with my FWB [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qr8k5u/i_30may_have_goofed_up_with_my_30friends_with/)\n\nWhen I wrote that it came from a place of anxiety and I have a tendency to overthink which I'm currently working on in Therapy.\n\nBut to start things off things started getting a little better. I'm no longer hidden from her stories and in some ways its kind of a relief. To me I believed that we're still ok, and she has thought of me; since it took some effort of navigating through instagram to unhide stories. \n\nMaybe there was something that was happening that I wasn't suppose to see like some bad shit that was happening that I would be concerned about. She knows I'm the type of person who cares...but I digress I'm just speculating on things that may not even have happened including thoughts that spike my anxiety. \n\nThrough advice of friends throughout the last hard couple of days was to give her space and so I have (its actually a bit difficult but still something I'm working on).\n\nIt's sorta lame to say and I get a little embarrassed saying sappy things but I missed her lol. \n\nIt's almost a week since I last texted her (no response)/seen her. Should I take initiative reach out within the next day or so and check in with her? Or leave it be till she's done with the stuff that had her busy these past two weeks? Let her reach out to me?\n\nMy gut says probably give her a little more time which is difficult because the other side wants to talk with her. \n\nI just can't wait for things to be back to the way it was a few weeks back when we could hang, talk, have sex and look up tiktoks/memes.\n\nTLDR: Things seem better, and space was given for my FWB to focus things on her end and maybe it's all in my head. Is it a good time to reach out now? Later? or let her reach out?",
+      "timestamp": 1637025480.0,
+      "upvotes": 6,
+      "num_comments": 5
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "nfjfns",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I (33F) cannot get over my husband\u2019s (38M) affair even though I told him I forgave him",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nfjfns/i_33f_cannot_get_over_my_husbands_38m_affair_even/",
+      "content": "Tl;dr at the bottom. I\u2019m sorry, I didn\u2019t realize this post would be this long. Also, I\u2019m new to Reddit.\n\nMy (33F) marriage is falling apart. My husband (38M) and I have been married for 4 years and we have a child together. I don\u2019t really know where to begin, so I\u2019ll just start with where I think things started to take a downturn. A few years back my husband accepted a new position in a new city where I knew no one. My job easily allowed me to move, but I had no interactions with the coworkers in my new cities\u2019 office and I started to feel pretty isolated. On top of this I started to feel like my husband was not contributing to our relationship. I was doing everything for us, cooking, cleaning, house searching, taking care of the pets, etc. I felt more like his secretary than his wife. He\u2019d call and ask me to pick up his dry cleaning, or run to the store or call maintenance to fix something\u2026 I started to become snippy, short tempered and resentful. I knew he was working long hours at his new job, but I just felt like he wasn\u2019t helping. \n\nRoughly a year later, I\u2019m pregnant and everything starts to unravel quickly. One weekend he met up with a friend from out of town for drinks. I stayed home. Him and his friend got pretty drunk and at the end of the night he called me and asked me to pick him up because he could not drive. When we get home he immediately passes out. I heard his phone chime and I picked it up to see that his friend texted to ask if he made it home. I texted his friend back to let him know he was home safe. That\u2019s when I notice that besides me and his friend, he was texting someone else that evening, we\u2019ll name her Beth. The texts that evening were him asking her to come met him after his friend had left. She didn\u2019t respond\u2026 The messages were not explicit but it was clear that they were at the very least emotionally involved. The messages only dated back a few weeks but there was enough there to see that this had been going on for quite some time, to the extent that they were telling each other \u201cI love you.\u201d They were also telling each other how if their circumstances were different they could be together and that their home lives were terrible. I lost it. I felt crushed. I didn\u2019t know what to do. \n\nI sat there all night reading the messages over and over. Early the next morning Beth texted him something to extent of \u201csorry, I fell asleep. You should have texted earlier.\u201d My blood boiled. I ended up texting her from my own phone letting her know I knew everything, that I had read their messages. She immediately texted my husband telling him that I had texted her and that she didn\u2019t want to be \u201cthat girl\u201d and that she\u2019ll never talk to him again. She did not respond to me directly. \n\nWhen he woke up I confronted him. He told me that he didn\u2019t mean to hurt me and that it was a friendship that got out of hand. That they never did anything other than talk and that he was sorry. I didn\u2019t know what to do. I wanted to leave but had no where to go. I just saw everything imploding, what was I supposed to do, I\u2019m pregnant and live nowhere close to anyone I could go to. And I didn\u2019t want to tell anyone because I was embarrassed. He said he\u2019d end everything with her and he wanted us to work through this. I forgave him. \n\nThis post is getting too long so I\u2019ll skip over some things, mainly my suspicions that he did not end things with Beth. \n\nNow, present day, we are still together but mostly in name alone. Outwardly we act like things are fine, but just below the surface we couldn\u2019t be further from ok. Every single day of my life I speculate about all the things he hasn\u2019t told me. All the things that he\u2019s lied to me about. I spend so much of my time thinking about what he\u2019s doing behind my back and what he and Beth are doing. My attitude towards him has only grown more resentful. Every time I try to talk to him about it he gets frustrated and says that I\u2019m stir things up from the past and accuse him of things that he\u2019s not doing. I don\u2019t know how to approach him about my insecurities without it sounding accusatory. \n\nI want things to work and to heal but I don\u2019t know what to do to move forward. I feel like I\u2019ve lived in this space for so long that I can\u2019t see a way out. I see myself pushing him away constantly, almost unconsciously, any little thing that irritates me I cling to and get angry about it. I\u2019m sullen and hostile constantly. I don\u2019t want to be around me, I can\u2019t blame him for not wanting to be around me either. To be clear, I don\u2019t blame myself for his affair but I do see that my attitude towards him is not exactly welcoming. \n\nDoes anyone have any advice for getting over things and letting them go? I tried therapy, but the therapist did not offer any constructive advice, if anything she made me more paranoid. \n\ntl;dr: my husband had an emotional affair and I initially forgave him but I can\u2019t stop thinking about it and accusing him of continuing the affair. I want to get over it. Help me.",
+      "timestamp": 1621365286.0,
+      "upvotes": 9,
+      "num_comments": 20
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "ib6o4a",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "How do I end this with someone who won't communicate?",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ib6o4a/how_do_i_end_this_with_someone_who_wont/",
+      "content": "First off, this is not a throwaway account, I just joined forever ago and only started actively using reddit like maybe a month ago? And I'm still getting into it. So sorry for the low karma\nSo this is a long, irritating story and I'm at the point where I just need help figuring out how to just end it. That's my goal. Also I'll do a TL;DR at the end because I struggle with writing concisely.\nSo the story starts about 9 months ago. I used to play a specific game with a group of friends. I (21F) am the only woman in a group of 6 people. That's honestly pretty standard for said game, when I go to competitions I am usually the only girl in about 30 people. So one day, C (32M) texts me and asks me if I want to hang out. I knew right off the bat what it was, and didn't care. So I went over to his house to hang out with him and it obviously ended in sex. So then we were unspoken FWB for about 4 months. We did small things together but it was obvious he didn't really enjoy being around me more than once a week or so. We never once discussed what we are or what's expected. It worked ok until I got antsy. I'm not sure if this is just a me thing or what, but if I'm not getting any emotional joy out of being with someone, I usually lean towards a nonmonogamous thing. In other words, since it was clear that there was no commitment or even want for anything more than friends who have sex, I wanted to start sleeping with other people. But because COVID I didn't. I decided I'd just tough it out. 2 more months go by, and I realize I want to discuss what we are. I want to know whether or not he wants a relationship with me (because like I said, up until this point it's technically all just educated guesses) and if not I was going to move on because I needed to know the rules. So I text him asking him if he has time to get together and talk. He ghosts me for 2 weeks. So I try again, and he ghosts me for another 2 weeks! So finally I just text him and say \"I want to go back to being just friends.\" And he wrote back essentially saying that's fine, but can we still play the game and hang out? I obviously say yes. I'm not one to lose a friendship over something silly. So a week goes by and he texts me and asks me if I want to come test out a new thing for the game with him? I said sure and head over. I smoke some weed and drink some (as I always do when playing casually, I live in Colorado btw) and we play for a little while. Then he starts to put his hands on me. I tell him I'm not down, and he stops for a bit. So I'm starting to sober up and getting ready to leave but not fully sober yet so I decide to stick around long enough to be fully sober (safe driving and all that). For some reason it takes way longer than usual to come down and by the time I'm fully safe to drive it's past midnight and I'm exhausted. I'm also not safe to drive when I'm tired. He asks me if I want to spend the night, I say sure because I don't particularly want to have to deal with ubering home then back in the morning to get my car before work. Mistake on my part. So I start trying to sleep, he starts trying to make moves on me. At this point I'm so exhausted and done with his shit that I say sure, let's just get this over with. He's clearly not gonna leave me alone. Mistake number 2, should've just gotten up, ordered an Uber, and left. So that happens, I leave in the morning, no big. Then a few weeks later he asks me to move in with him over the phone. No warning, completely out of the blue. I have my own furniture and place, so I asked him what he would do with the furniture that was in the room he wanted me to move into. He said \"just sell it.\" I can't just sell my furniture, I have a very deep attachment to it because I spent a lot of time thinking about exactly how I want my space to look and feel and it's a huge part of that. I think that's pretty rude. So I at this point was insanely frustrated and just straight up asked him what he expected of me and whether he'd like to be in a relationship with me. Keep in mind we are around 8 months now. He said \"well I could maybe see myself being in a relationship with you, I want to take it slow and see how we feel.\" Which is a nonanswer and I kinda need an answer before I commit to moving in with him and also 8 months should definitely be long enough to know whether or not you want to be in a relationship. So at this point I'm done, he's been texting me occasionally and I just respond with one word answers or similarly empty responses. Since I can't talk to him in person since he runs at the first sign of a heavy in person convo, I can't text him since he apparently won't take me seriously or respect my wishes, and I'm uncomfortable ghosting him since we were friends long before we started seeing each other. I just want to get him to leave me alone and make it clear to him that I needed commitment and didn't get it or even clear communication so it's over. So I'm not sure if I should ghost him, or just text him and tell him it's over and I don't want to see or talk to him again (since he had no respect the last time), or something else. Open to suggestions, keep in mind I'm trying to not hurt him. Despite everything, he's not a bad person.\n\nTL;DR Guy I was FWB for 7 months was wishy washy about relationship status and I can't seem to end things with him due to him avoiding me, ignoring boundaries, etc. What's the best way to end things without hurting him (still a good guy)?",
+      "timestamp": 1597635187.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 2
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "g7ylnj",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "How to move on from two heartbreaks, no closure, shame, and stopping social media snooping?",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/g7ylnj/how_to_move_on_from_two_heartbreaks_no_closure/",
+      "content": "  \n\nThis is inherently so long. Sorry. Don't read if you don't have bags of time.\n\nHad a disappointing first high school relationship, combined with depression and low self-confidence I kind of avoided dating bar one summer fling and two hook-ups all the way from like 18-28 which I hugely regret now. Even if you fear rejection as I did, to postpone dating just makes it worse. I feel like I am \"behind\" now. \n\nBasically, I started to get my life together, exercising and socialising and quitting an MMO and other video games. I had a bad porn addiction which gave me some shame and guilt and some bad physical results, not full on ED but the results were not great. \n\nIt was going well, so well that I met and started dating an American woman, \"Rosa\" (26F). She was in an open marriage and failing one at that. (I like to think I'm a moral guy and it was only because of the combination of these two factors I allowed it to happen but maybe I'm kidding myself) We started hooking up and it went better than expected. She had to emigrate back to America, it was already in motion before we met, and they had a five-year-old kid. We really had not been together in person long before she left, I admit from the beginning I got way too attached too fast and get too much validation from attention from the opposite gender. \n\nWe went into a long distance open relationship (I guess I was scared she'd leave me if we tried to do long distance monogamy, but I had no intention of using it), and she was already planning to visit for a whole month in February. We figured we would enjoy the month and amicably break up on a high note or if it went so well, we'd start looking at how one of us could move.\n\n   \n \n\nIt didn't last sadly, she was always angry at me for not texting as much as she liked (which was literally 24/7 all the time.) A lot of people in my town warned me to not get involved with her, saying she was a disreputable character and her relationship wasn't as open as she led me to believe. They also said that I personally wouldn't be able to handle it and the complications, and this was not an ideal return to the dating world for me.\n\n   \n \n\nI ignored them obviously, but I guess subconsciously I did listen a bit and it gave me doubts, I did hold back a little bit emotionally, kind of heartbreak insurance if you will. \n\n   \n \n\nI was away at an event in shared accommodation and a woman pretty much threw herself at me, in a way that doesn't happen to average looking guys maybe more than once in a lifetime. I slept with her. The next day I did feel bad about it even though I was 'allowed' (I guess open relationships aren't for me) I eventually told Rosa everything. She flipped and got mad at me, said she probably wouldn't sleep with me when she came back to England. I said I was sorry she was upset but if we weren't going to be fully together when she got here, which was still months away, and it may be our last month together ever, it seems a bit mad to wait months for nothing. She tried to flip it round on me and say I was only interested in sex and gaslit me saying I didn't know what I was talking about as I was inexperienced in (adult) relationships. Bear in mind at this point she was arguing about the amount of contact every day and so my thinking was that even the non-sexual part of the relationship wasn't great either. \n\nI was involved in a political campaign and every day she'd kill my spirit and morale for the day. I loved our daily video chats but hated feeling obligated to constantly text.\n\n   \n \n\nShe eventually slept with her husband (they had been staying in separate rooms apparently) and couldn't see how that was worse than me sleeping with a random, she \\*really\\* seemed to lack empathy and self-awareness sometimes. \n\nEventually I broke it off. I felt awful about it, I knew I was over attached and it probably wouldn't work out, I felt like I had to force my brain to ignore my heart and do the right thing and leave it alone.\n\n   \n \n\nAfter the campaign was over, I did message her and we talked a little, but she had already moved on in a short space of time. Strangely I had just started talking to her best friend back in England, \"Poppy\" (26F). We got chatting a lot and had a lot in common, we were both left wing and vegan and had similar backgrounds and other values (outside of her having traumatic early years) \n\nShe had separated from her husband as he was.... It's not my place to go into it, but by her account, a piece of shit to her. Rosa had been the one who encouraged her to do it and had her come and stay with her. \n\nPoppy told me a lot about Rosa, bad stuff, but in the context of trying to make me feel better, like the relationship wasn't worth mourning type of thing. I thought it was cool how she was doing all this emotional labour for me, at great risk, I could go ranting to my ex about these facts and she'd obviously have been the source. She didn't know me well enough to be sure I wouldn't do that, but she did it anyway.\n\n   \n \n\nShe told me that Rosa had lied about being in an open relationship. She had come out as bisexual and their stupid arrangement was that they could both sleep with women, so she wasn't meant to be sleeping with men. I was told this by someone else and when I asked her, she denied it, but now it was true after all. \n\nShe was already talking to someone else when I broke up with her and had told Poppy she was thinking of finishing with me. \n\nShe had encouraged Poppy to sleep with her (Rosas) husband, but then flipped out at him because apparently the rule was it wasn't supposed to be in their bed, allegedly he knew this, and Poppy didn't. \n\nWe speculated she used the ensuing fight as an excuse to leverage a full open relationship out of him, and to thus justify our thing going forward. \n\nHearing all this stuff made me feel physically sick. \n\n   \n \n\nSuddenly on new year\u2019s Poppy came over mine at a crazy time in the morning wanting to talk, she wasn't happy in her new relationship, he had requested it not be an open one but then emotionally cheated flirting with other women graphically. I was happy to be able to return the favour and repay all the listening and stuff. \n\nShe opened the relationship with him, but he took it so badly she ended up ending it soon after. \n\nWe then started hooking up. Not only had she helped me get over my ex. but now I was with her and she seemed to be an even better match in every way. \n\nIn retrospect there were some huge red flags I completely ignored: She said she'd cheated in every past relationship, except the one preceding me presumably. (from lack of need given the timing). She said she had issues (hey so do I) but the difference was she said she'd never go to therapy, she went once and \"it made her realise things she didn't want to think about\" which to me is the whole point, the only way out is through. \n\nShe made a comment about \"even if this doesn't last forever\", but when I said \"are you not happy with me or you just mean statistically we are unlikely to be each other\u2019s last relationship\" and she went with the second one. \n\nShe made a comment about how she thought I seemed like the kind of guy who'd stay friends with her if we ever broke up. It was said as a compliment, but it made me nervous. \n\nThese were all isolated comments over a period of months and made sense in context but combined in hindsight... \n\nRosa was due for her visit soon, the fucked up part is I was supposed to be picking her up from the airport and we were supposedly all going to hang out as friends, Poppy had only told her we were friends because Rosa said she never wanted her to hook up with me. Rather than see it as a red flag that she didn't tell her best friend the truth I saw it as a green one that she wanted to see me anyway. The idea was to not spoil the visit. I'd keep my distance, and when Rosa left she probably wouldn't ever visit again, and at that point I was going to have the whole \"so what are we\" conversation but I figured it was best to get this out of the way first. I hated talking to Rosa knowing what I knew and not being able to say. I was a little cold with her. \n\nWhen we first hung out we would both dunk on Rosa a lot, but I got it out of my system and because I had someone new it was very easy to let go and look back on her fondly, at the very least she was the way I met Poppy so I tried to be positive. \n\nWeirdly Poppy talked about her more than I did, borderline obsessed possibly, another red flag ignored. Rosa was scared that after her husband Poppy wanted \"everything I had\", which Poppy thought was hypocritical as she had encouraged her to sleep with her husband. \n\nPeople who knew them often talked shit about the pair of them as they were like a duo, but one of the things Poppy said to me that endeared me to her was that \"everyone thinks I want to be just like her but I'm not like that\".\n\nRosa arrived, staying with Poppy and Poppy\u2019s ex (not the husband). Poppy even snuck out one day to my house just to come and perform a sex act on me, I felt so valued. \n\nSuddenly a few days before my birthday, where I had all my best friends down. Poppy breaks up with me by text. She said she doesn't want to see me anymore, not that she can't. She had a heart to heart with Rosa and realised their friendship still meant a lot after all and she didn't want to not be able to mention her boyfriend or not share that part of her life with her, she chose her over me basically. Even though when the month was up, she'd basically just be a pen pal for the rest of her life. \n\nShe still didn't tell her that we had been together physically, although she suspected. So, this friendship meant so much that she couldn't live without it, but not enough to tell the truth?! It drove me crazy.\n\nI naively thought we could all be friends one day, years down the line holidaying to America, (their kids were friends and the same age) and so on. \n\nI went out for my birthday a few days later broken hearted, I already had a bit of a midlife crises about turning 30 but not having amounted to much but meeting Rosa then Poppy had gotten rid of that, but it all came crashing back combined with heartbreak. \n\nWhen we got to the local club, I saw Rosa and was friendly to her, but she blew me off. (I had sent her a shitty text when she was partially to blame for me being dumped, kind of to the effect of \"you broke my heart twice I hope you are happy, you are so lucky she has lower standards for friends than boyfriends\" or something shitty like that) \n\nI saw Poppy but she didn't see me and then I saw the two of them dancing with a guy before Poppy made out with him. \n\nI had a panic attack like a coward and went home. I sent her a shitty text like \"hope he makes you really happy, glad you were able to move on so quick. Don't know why I shouldn't tell Rosa everything\" She kind of gave me a \"do what you want I did what I did I'll have to face the consequences\" \n\nI still loved her and didn't want to tank her best friendship out of spite. Rosa called me looking for her and I blew up on her a bit. She kept interrupting me to repeatedly ask if me and Poppy had slept together but I refused to give a straight answer. \n\nI oscillated between fury and self-loathing. I told Rosa that our relationship had meant nothing, and it was all built on her lies and stuff like that. The idea being that if I could convince her of that then she'd have no reason to effectively veto me and Poppy being together. \n\nRosa ended up leaving more than a week early because she missed her boyfriend back home (apparently he was also controlling and shitty so that might be a factor) she went back to another guys hotel room but he was apparently throwing up all night. \n\nI stayed friends with Poppy, and we hung out a bunch of times, but it was heart-breaking as much as it was fun. I really hoped after Rosa was gone, she'd sort of forget her and remember me. \n\nIn the end I flipped out and love bombed her by getting gifts delivered (the same gifts I was planning on getting her for valentines, she dumped me just before anyway and also said to not get her anything while Rosa was there) but it also contained a really fucking cringey four page letter saying I couldn't be friends with her anymore or talk to her anymore and I blocked her on everything. \n\nI wrote a six-page letter for Rosa but never sent it. I did try and reach out to her a bunch of times but on the final attempt, through contacting her sister, I was told \u201cI was dead to her.\u201d\n\n   \n \n\nIn the end I sent one PM to Poppy apologising for how OTT the letter was but understood if it put her off being friends with me ever again. No reply. I reached out to a friend of hers when the Covid stuff kicked off and she told me they were well and that was cutting contact allegedly for my benefit so I could get over her. \n\nOne of my friends, who used to be a friend of hers, said that she has Self-Defeating personality disorder and ruins every relationship she's in. Another theory was that Poppy was suffering from comphet (she did say to me once that she liked women but couldn't see herself being in a relationship with one) she and Rosa possibly had some weird almost romantic or sexual thing, possibly only in one direction, they were both bisexuals but never hooked up. They did have a habit of sending each other partial nudes in the morning. Poppy\u2019s first salvo of flirting with me by text was sending the days side by side of them and saying about how she didn't find Rosa attractive. I assumed this was a kind of \"look how much cuter I am then your old girl\" but maybe it was some weird pathology. Maybe I was just a weird pawn in their game. Poppy also has a nudes account on reddit, she had some leaked years ago so found it empowering to do it herself. I wasn't bothered by it while we were together. \n\n(Side note, apparently nudes of gf's are a grey area in the pornfree community, the general rule is \"if it feels like porn it's porn, if it doesn't it\u2019s probably ok) \n\nI didn't want to let myself off the hook. I did a tonne of introspection and I think I have narcissistic personality disorder. I loved bombed, rushed intimacy, mirrored, maybe even attempted to hoover them both at the end. That's why the letter was such weird shit and I way I oscillated between grandiose and entitled and self-loathing so much. I whinged to my supportive friends so much one of them snapped and called me out on being a self-absorbed person and I want to be better, it nearly cost me that friendship I'm now trying to repair. \n\nI've been doing a tonne of research and really don't want to be that person; I want to be a good guy and a good partner one day. I want to practice behavioural substitutions. I always overthought social interactions anyway so at least I can watch out for my bad habits instead of mind reading and catastrophising others. \n\nI'm working out loads to have something else to be proud of to get some self-esteem, (and to also be a better lover). I don't want it to end like this. \n\nBut the final hurdle is this:\n\nI leave it for weeks and then morbid curiosity makes me check her nudes account. Not to do anything with but just morbid curiosity. I'd see a different mirror than was in her house and my heart would break. The fucked-up part is I found out she now quarantining and fucking her husband despite how awful she was. I get a horrible feeling in my stomach it's like a negative downer drug dispenser. I look at her normal reddit account and now her husbands too and it's totally stalkery and inappropriate. I blocked the accounts on my reddit, but you can search from them when not logged in easily. I can't get them to block me because reddit doesn't work that way it's shit and annoying.\n\nI even look at Rosas snapchat stories, which I don't think she realises I can see. I wanted to tell a mutual friend to tell her to block me as I'm sure she wouldn't want me seeing them but now I'm scared I'd be \"using a narcissistic agent\" which is bad. \n\nThe only way I avoid vices is by putting a degree of separation in them. Like I don't eat snack foods at home because I don't buy any from the store. If I want to stop picking a wound, I put a bandage on and so on. I have an app that I must tell every day if I looked at porn or not. \n\nBut looking at social medias of other people is a tap away on a smartphone my willpower doesn't kick in fast enough. \n\nI'm suffering bad narcissistic mortification and it couldn't have come at a worse time than this quarantine. I'm supposed to be emigrating to start a new life and move on, but I can't fly now. I feel like I've ruined the chance of having one of the best friendships of my life with Poppy if I had just swallowed my wounded pride. \n\nI'll never get closure or answers to my million questions.   \n What else did either of them lie about?   \n Did Poppy use her as an excuse to break up with me?   \n Was she lying about how bad her husband was to her?   \n Will I ever be able to accurately gauge how much of it was my fault versus theirs because of my narcissistic bullshit?\n\nDid Poppy ever tell Rosa the truth? \n\nDoes Rosa know Poppy is back with her own husband even though she went to so much effort to break them up? \n\nDid Rosa intend to hook up with me again and didn't expect me to have moved on with Poppy (in our final exchange she said I \"ruined everything\" but that doesn't make sense, her life got marriage fell apart finally during the guy after me's time...)  \n Are Poppy and Rosa even still friends?\n\nShould I bite the bullet and tell someone to tell Rosa to block me on snapchat? \n\nI've tried to be creative I've wrote some stand up and I'm working on a story I'd want to make into a novel and adapt into a series or movies but now I'm worried that\u2019s a narcissistic fantasy of success. I feel happy when I work out but that's only like 2 hours every other day... \n\nIf anyone has made it to the end of this waffle can you offer me any advice at all? The pain has faded waaaaay down but mentally I can't seem to move on fully and let those loose ends go. I guess part of me wants both relationships to have had value, and don't want to feel like I wasted my time. But perhaps the only way to move on is the realise that all 3 of us were assholes, or maybe just me, and I just need to take lessons and move on. \n\nAnyway, I know I am/was a narcissistic immature weirdo, so I\u2019m happy to receive savage criticism if it\u2019s constructive. I just don\u2019t know how to proceed. Life now is completely uncharted waters for me and I\u2019m rudderless.",
+      "timestamp": 1587839433.0,
+      "upvotes": 3,
+      "num_comments": 1
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "cz33n0",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My Fiancee [28F] and I [29M] love each other, but she cant choose me over other people",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cz33n0/my_fiancee_28f_and_i_29m_love_each_other_but_she/",
+      "content": "Hello reddit. I hope someone here can help me.\n\nMy fiancee and I have been together for almost 6 years, and we have been engaged for 4. We are at an impasse where we love each other, and we cant imagine living without one another, but she has been unhappy with our life for some time.\n\nShe wants an open relationship, but I am completely monogamous to the point where I am uncomfortable with the idea of her flirting with anyone but me. I am a jealous person as it is, but she doesn't feel I am unreasonable in my expectations, but she is so desperately unhappy.\n\nWe have had a couple of hiccups on the road. The first was an incident where we were working ourselves into the ground, our living situation wasn't great and we were neglecting each other. I caught her chatting sexually with someone she'd previously been intimate with. It cut me deeply, but I understood her reasons and forgave her.\n\nAbout 2 years ago, I found out she had been planning to meet up with someone else she met online for sex while she was on a trip away. We talked about opening up our relationship back then, but I just couldn't handle the idea of her being with someone else, compounded by the fact that my trust in her was shot for a second time. It was a hard bridge to cross, but we did.\n\nOver these last few months, she has been getting close to a new friend \\[20M\\] who is just coming out of a messy relationship himself. She has been spending a lot of time with him because he feels he is only able to confide in her, he lacks a support network, and professionals are dismissing him. Over this time, I have expressed that this person makes me anxious and insecure. He has been all 'up in our life' for a while now, and even when she and I are cuddling on the sofa, they are messaging each other. She told me I had nothing to worry about, she only wants me, and he is not a threat to our relationship.\n\nThis has all come to a head now, as she has asked for the freedom to be able to cuddle and comfort him. I wanted to give her that freedom, but I couldn't get over the idea that something more was there. It got messy. I managed to talk to this new friend properly about things, and he confessed that he does have feelings for her, and if my fiance and I weren't together, he would want to be with her. After asking her about her feelings, she says she doesn't know how she feels about him, either sexually or romantically.\n\nWe spoke more about our experiences so far, and the crux of it is this: she wants an open relationship. she wants freedoms which don't come with a closed relationship.\n\nShe felt like she didn't want to be in the house with me. She wanted to be elsewhere, because being around me was making her feel guilty of the things she was asking of me, and knowing how anxious it made me feel. She so badly doesn't want to hurt me, but she couldn't be around me.\n\nShe ended up staying at the new friend's house overnight, with the promise that absolutely nothing was going to happen, and off she went. I didn't sleep that night. It was hell.\n\nI decided to try my best for her. I looked up every amount of advice I could find about how to cope with something like this. I really evaluated what an open relationship would mean. I wrote down a list of rules and boundaries that would help me feel less insecure about it, and at the time, sex and romance weren't even on the cards, just the ability to cuddle someone else. We looked at the rules together, and it seemed like a good starting point at least.\n\nThe next day came around, and she said she still needed space, and she wanted to visit him again. Again, I agreed it was OK, but as the night went on, I got more and more anxious. I was unhappy that immediately after such a traumatic time, she was absent. I felt neglected. I asked her to come home, and she couldn't.\n\nHere we are now, between a rock and a hard place. We love each other. Our lives are so heavily intertwined. We are still engaged, we have a mortgage and a pet, we have plans to go away to America in December, and there are still so many things we want to experience together, and we cant bear the thought of losing each other.\n\nMy worry is that her glass has always been half empty. No matter how many friends she has, how much she has, or how good things are, she has always tried to fill it. I have never really been enough for her. She knows I have given everything to her, I have always been faithful, and I've only ever had room in my heart for love where she is concerned; but even I am not enough to fill that glass.\n\nBut the decision is hers now. She needs to able to commit, and choose me over other people, and she doesn't know if she can. We have discussed the idea of taking a break, to know what it might be like to live a life without me in it, and decide if she is happier living that life.\n\nI am not sure what advice I am asking for here. I am just pouring my heart out to the internet because I'm scared of losing her. Living in her world is the emotional equivalent of stepping into open flames for me, and her living in my world is making her miserable. I don't see a way out, and I'm terrified of what that means.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nedit: perhaps the internet was not the place to be looking for wisdom, but there have been a few insightful comments that aren't based on conjecture and assumption. Thank you to those people.",
+      "timestamp": 1567507047.0,
+      "upvotes": 6,
+      "num_comments": 17
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "ctoohq",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I(30M) set a boundary for my wife (27F) that she doesn't respect.",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ctoohq/i30m_set_a_boundary_for_my_wife_27f_that_she/",
+      "content": "&#x200B;\n\n**The Origins**: My wife and I met in college, had plenty of shared hobbies and interests, went on several dates, fell in love, graduated, moved in together, and eventually married: queue \"picket fences and babies!\" speeches from both sides of the family. Both of us decided it would be best to, although discuss often our opinions and feelings, not have a child until careers/debt was situated. Wife and I continued the trend of DINKhood for five years, focusing on ourselves, our jobs, and our future. Adopted a dog, landed careers, moved out of our home town, attempted to 'live the dream'.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**The Ask**: AITA for setting a boundary and asking my wife to back channel information to me prior to having private get-together solos with male counterparts from work, as a means to rebuild trust? She moved to a new job recently, and we have a bit of history with this type of situation.\n\n**The Problem**: Her and I don't see eye to eye as to why this boundary is set in the first place. To me, it is unprofessional to have intimate conversations about private matters with a co-worker off the clock without extenuating circumstances; whereas, she disagrees and doesn't see any issue. Rather than uphold the boundary, even though we both agree one cannot control who one receives texts from, she continues private phone conversations, texts, and outings with male coworkers in non-professional environments/settings uninhibited. I feel it inane to forbid her to develop friendships or platonic relationships with co-workers during or at work. I do ask, however, that out of respect of our past, she include me in her plans (not physically, only logistically). Ultimately, the problem I have isn't with the person, or persons, but the implied intent, secrecy, and mistrust. And since starting her new job, several men from work have been texting her personal phone, spending time with her in private off-the-clock, taking her to lunch, buying her lunch, and even encouraging, as well as actually deciding which school she should go back to under the direction/suggestion of yet another man at work.\n\n**The Context**: Shortly after graduation, my wife found employment at an IT firm. It took me a little longer to find a job in my field; however, I managed to secure a position with a company where I had plenty of opportunity to work out of the home. I loved the job, but I never thought the novelty of working from home would wear off so quickly. I found myself doing anything to leave the house, striving to finish my chores and husbandry duties on the clock, just so I wouldn't be tethered to the house come quitting time.\n\nSince the house was my new office\\[an actual room in the house dedicated to our shared office space\\], the only thing that made sense was to \"go home\", so to speak, as soon as I got off work. I'd utilize my lunch breaks to run errands, go shopping, clean the house, or play with our dog. After work, I'd leave the house to go jogging, go cruising in my car, literally anything I could find to do out of the house until my wife was also off of work. A new change, for sure, but one I'd grow adjusted to. The freedom of working from home, at least, was something I enjoyed. The downside, however, is that despite my free time, I gained a considerable amount of weight. I noticed a change in my wife, as well.\n\nShe seemed more and more occupied at work, which I was happy for as I read this as her being busy or fulfilled with her career, even if she was hardly as available. Although I did start noticing language which struck me as very standoffish when her time was requested away from work (an event comes to mind where I surprised her at work with a gift, having never been to her office before, only to be pushed out and accused of embarrassing her in front of her 'guy friends'). Lastly, and the largest of my growing concerns, was our time outside of work where it appeared as though she seemed compelled to talk about her experiences with the many men she worked with. It was during some of these exchanges I expressed my expectation for the time we'd spend together, beyond our daily 'how was your day' debrief. This became habit and common place during \"after-work\" hours across the duration of her employment there, to the point where we began having differences of opinions regarding the subject.\n\nIt was during these discussions when she started confiding in me about things in our relationship she did /not/ like: always questioning her motives and behaviors, not trusting her, how I need to seek therapy, not challenging her, never wanting to come home due to these types of conversations, feeling smothered, heavier drinking, expectations after coming home, and a slew of other verbatims I've since internalized and reflected. Then, I assumed this was what I needed. An action plan. I set out to work.\n\nNext phase was company gatherings/parties, where I would join as a guest, but feel overlooked in regards of courtesy (Jumping straight into drinks and full-fledged work talk before a \"hey Jake, this is my husband cett-sraw\\_substrate\" as an early example). I did my best to speak to her peers to the best of my (technical) knowledge, and I built a few good relationships with her co-workers; however, it wasn't relationship building I was concerned with: It was the subtle arm touching, the incessant bragging to me about her career successes with other men, the academic one-upsmanship she'd test me with when discussing the topic of work(I initially assumed it was because I couldn't speak their \"tech language\"). I was at a loss, so I tried to be civil and voice my concerns in private.\n\nQueue the following: feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, overall unattractive-ness, fear, anxiety, you name it, I had it. Projection was my biggest talent. I hated who I was then, and I was always quick to admit it, yet never willing to put in the hard work needed to constitute change: constant discussions about signals, flags, and feelings, constant drinking, increasing number of discussions about work and subsequent arguments that would follow. I was 100 pounds overweight and filled with fear that my wife was, undoubtedly, enjoying her time at work more than her time at home.\n\nOne day, my wife is having a discussion with a co-worker (who we can call C), and C has been dealing with some pretty heavy shit in the last year: loss in the family, mental issues, substance abuse, marital issues. My wife contacts me and asks if, perhaps, I can share some perspective and talk to C. I've dealt with substance abuse and alcohol abuse in my family, so I understood why she would ask. Hell, I had my own drinking problems, maybe we could commiserate? What I didn't expect, however, was C's surprised and confused reaction when I called. He wasn't expecting my call, nor did my wife tell him I was calling. At this time, my wife stopped responding to me so I did what I felt was justified in finding the context on my own. The company used Skype for communications, which was installed on both of our computers--so I fired hers up and began skimming through the conversation.\n\nWhat I found leading up to the present conversation was questionable at best - very recent covert conversations about intimate, private details regarding each others lives, and something specific that caught my eye (in an exchange that went something like this):\n\nW: C, what's wrong?? Someone just told me you left.\n\nC: I don't know, I just can't take this anymore.\n\nW: Take what?\n\nC: What we talked about before...\n\nW: I thought we agreed to never talk about that again?\n\nC: Yeah...well\n\nW: Maybe you should talk to someone? Have you talked to your wife?\n\nC: She wouldn't understand\n\nW: You can still talk to me.\n\nC: Yeah...but\n\nW: But what?\n\nC: Nothing..\n\nEventually, this ended with him threatening to hurt himself, my wife reaching out to me and then requesting I call him and talk to him as I had previously stated. After I sift through their texts, I call her to explain that I tried calling C and got little response from him (\"hey you okay?\" \"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?\" kinda conversation), withholding the additional information I'd found. We disengage and I start to see they're having an active conversation, along the lines of \"...why would he call me? you told him? why would you tell him?\" \"I asked him to call you and he read our texts\" \"Call me\" \"Ok\".\n\nUpon her arrival home, I continuously I asked her exactly what they talked about in regards to their 'agreement never to speak of this again', and continually it was downplayed as something benign. She immediately changed all of her passwords. *All of them*. Cited I was a risk to her company by being on her computer and reading her non-business, \"business\" Skype chat. I wanted truth, but fear and anxiety was what I found. I felt blocked. So I confronted C at his home, despite my wife's objection, and set clear boundaries that his martial and drinking problems should be met to his therapist, not his coworker. I also recorded the conversation. I informed him that the conversations he'd been having with my wife were inappropriate at best, and borderline HR concerns if the company found out. He admitted that he would stop and get help.\n\nFast forward 6 months: Started and endured singles and couples therapy, re-examined boundaries and courtesies, moved again and closed on a house, made strides at communicating and opening channels of honesty. I come home one day and my wife somberly offered me her phone, open to a text thread. She showed me very lewd and sexual tests from C, suggesting partnerships with my wife, both physically or non physically, depending on how far she wanted to take it. In the texts, she was very professional at denying his requests, but\\[speculation\\] was seemingly eager to help him flesh out his 'interests' (suggesting things like craigslist, tinder, counseling, having his wife onboard). He claimed his own wife was on board, but it was difficult to make progress, that he'd \"rather do it with someone he trusts\", at which point she provides a hard \"no.\"\n\nI should preface this part with how both of us have reflected back to this situation as healthy, that we were both calm, collected, and I didn't do what she normally expects (get upset or start blaming her)--we were very cordial throughout this interaction. I immediately told her this was a problem, and that if she had nothing to do with it (which was her claim and I believed her), that she report him immediately. I told her I would talk to him yet again, but she vehemently refuted that suggestion and furiously suggested she could handle it on her own. She admitted then, the 'thing they agreed to never discuss' was C comparing his wife to mine, and how he wished my wife was more like his. This was difficult to process; however, I knew that there was another person out there possibly suffering to the same extent I felt as I was, so I ultimately texted his wife screenshots of the conversation. To no surprise of my own, she was (obviously) in the dark, and he later texted my wife directly \"You talked to my wife? hey, way to fucking go for that.\" to which /I/ responded \"Correction, cett-sraw\\_substrate did,\".\n\nShe motioned with HR to file a complaint. C was reprimanded and terminated for sexual harassment; however, not before my wife was written up by the company for several \"inappropriate actions/conversations\" within the building, conversations that preceded his termination, including talking sex shop with both men and women in the office, inappropriate touching, partial removal of clothes. Her attitude\\[speculation\\] was kind of \"I guess they'll be getting rid of him, so if I admit to this, everything will go back to normal\". It was after the next therapy sessions that she admitted to having an affair.\n\nShortly thereafter, I found out I, and 300 other employees, were being laid off. New mortgage? Check. Job loss? Check. Overweight? Check. Unhappy? Check. Dealing with feelings of insecurity and confessed infidelity? Check. All aboard the train to fuckitville, passengers: me. I suppose things could always be worse...\n\nThis was all about 2 years ago.\n\nIt was about this time that I checked myself into camp un-fuck yourself. I couldn't let it\\[me\\] end this way. Moreover, I was so sick and tired of blaming everyone else for my problems except myself: whether it be my weight, my drinking, my eating, my relationships, my expectations, the paradigms I was taught, everything. Mostly, I was done being unhappy. I started with the things I could control - started taking solo therapy more seriously, stopped worrying so much about what I couldn't immediately change, started making short-term goals toward my future and not worrying about how many I hadn't completed, stopped spending so much time in my head or worrying about what everyone else was doing behind my back, even if it meant being uncomfortable and unnervingly pulling that smart ass, paranoid voice out of my ears. I got out of bed when I didn't want to, stopped with the mouth pleasure when all I wanted to do was SadSnack\u2122, pushed myself to do 2 miles on a stationary bike instead of 1, and simply not be satisfied with myself until I was. This was the real honesty for which I was searching. It was like a light switch, where OFF was now ON. My life changed. I started listening to Taoist lectures about meditation and finding oneself, quit drinking, doing drugs, made it to onederland, kept going, stopped posting on social media, stopped seeking validation (constantly), unplugged from notification mentality, started engaging people in person, started being more social, and otherwise, much happier.\n\nMy goal, as odd to me as it seemed before, wasn't to focus on fixing my relationship with my wife, but my relationship with myself. Would I be happy if, throughout my journey, my relationship with my wife would strengthen? Absolutely thrilled. But I wasn't changing for her. What I wanted from her was simple: for us to rebuild trust, what I need from her was transparency and honesty.\n\nSince her employment with the company in the last year, however, I've seen:\n\n* Physical and inappropriate touching at a Holiday Event\n* Failure to introduce or mention one's spouse\n* Not one, but four ongoing conversations with men from work with her personal phone\n* Someone unrelated to her hierarchy essentially deciding a) she goes back to school and b) where to go  \n(As a caveat, I am fully supportive of her going to school; it's the execution and discretion of the decision that is bothersome).\n* Luncheons and private time with men at work not disclosed or disseminated over trickling truths.\n* Motivation to work and address work-related issues off the clock increases (hourly, not salary).\n\nMike Skinner once wrote a lyric in a song that has stuck with me since the first time I've heard it:  \n   \"No one's really there fighting for you in the last garrison, no one except yourself, that is, no one except you. You are the one who's got your back 'til the last deed's done.\"\n\n**Author's Note**: I'm at a crossroad - and maybe this is the wrong place to put this issue if the narration offends the rules. I suppose what I am seeking from Reddit is whether or not this type of context matters, if the ask is simply too much in a field where she works predominately with men, or if I'm just an asshole for thinking too much about what someone else is doing.  I have no problem with a man befriending my wife, or having a professional/personal/platonic relationship: in fact, of the men she is friends with outside of work--old colleague or school mates--introductions, rapport, and relationship structure was reasonable and logical, not secret and intimate.",
+      "timestamp": 1566428735.0,
+      "upvotes": 5,
+      "num_comments": 17
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "c4f1mb",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "It's Over, and It's Time for Me To Move On....M(25) - F (23) (LONG READ)",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/c4f1mb/its_over_and_its_time_for_me_to_move_onm25_f_23/",
+      "content": "I honestly don't even know why I'm posting it as I've told the story to so many, but maybe Reddit can help me get different angles of whats going on. This is going to be a long read, but a good one, I promise.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nWhere do I begin....I met my other half roughly 4 years ago through a casual friend. At first we hit it off great, but it was very obvious she just wanted to be friends and I wasn't her type. I kept pursuing and eventually she said yes to being my girlfriend. The first two years are great, we travel together, she becomes extremely close to my family (and still talks to my mom), we talk about marriage (which she pushed on me very early and I told her I wasn't ready) and kids (which I reply I'm not ready for kids anytime soon). Overall, we are happy....or so I thought.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nFast forward to roughly a month ago. We've had our fair share of ups and downs (year 3 is always the hardest) but nothing really for what was about to happen. We get into a minor fight over me leaving and not telling her from a mutual friends place and her blowing up my phone. I deserved that, I had done it before and I apologized and said I just wanted to go home and go to bed.....The next morning I wake up to the worst text I had ever received - \"I think we need a break.\" I honestly at first laughed and texted back \"Yup we sure do,\" as I was angry at her for over reacting. She tells me shes going to move her stuff into the spare bedroom and I reply I'll gladly help as I threw her blanket and pillows into the room. She gets home and I just laugh it off and joke but she is dead serious - we are done. I make us lunch and she talks about how we will be great friends and this is good for us. I tell her I think shes making a huge mistake to throw this away after almost 4 years of dating, living together for 3 of those years, and have two cats together. She doesn't budge. I start to realize this is serious and ask her to have a serious talk. We go upstairs and she basically breaks down....she loves me as a person, but isn't in love with me anymore are her exact words. It hurt to hear those come from somebody you just moved into a new place with not even a month ago signing a year lease together....I tell her let's figure this out - work things through but she's already checked out. Shes only emotional at this point because she knows its going to hurt to see me hurting so bad and she confesses its much easier for her then me at this point. I beg and plead, become desperate but I know she's already gone....\n\n&#x200B;\n\nFast forward a week. I'm struggling - we are still living together, me in my room and her in her own room. Things are on thin ice, we don't talk, look, or even want to be near each other. We went out with some friends and I started talking to some girls - she got extremely jealous...she retaliates the next day by downloading tinder. I call her on it when I find out and she confesses and says shes not looking for a hookup, she just wants the attention. I tell her I'm going on a trip with a friend for the weekend away to create some space - she agrees its a great idea. I go on my trip with my friend with the sole intentions of trying to hookup - be the first the hurt the other, but I just can't do it, I can't find peace with myself to do that. Before we leave, I write a 4 page letter to her telling her that I still think it's a big mistake to throw this away and that we should try again - work things out...I get no response. Saturday night I drink too much and tell my friend that I'm extremely depressed and I've had thoughts of hurting myself because of the pain. My best friend of many years grabs me by the arm and says to me \"Are things really that bad? Do you really think that doing that will solve any issues? Think of the people you will hurt if you did something like that.\" It hits me extremely hard and I break down knowing that if I ever did such a thing, I would leave so many people in my life who love me in shear pain. I tell him he is exactly right. I confess to him that I came on this trip solely to hurt her and not really work on myself. The drive home (roughly 12 hours), my friend and I talk the whole way and basically make the trip completely worth it. We talk about everything from the relationship, to life, to goals, work, etc. We get back to town and I feel amazing. I go home, where I've lately been having extreme anxiety due to the memories and just seeing her and go to sleep.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThe next week. We are on good terms now - talking and being civil. We talk about some of the things that wen't wrong and how we are improving. I almost feel at this point she might be considering coming back and am getting mixed feelings. I ask her bluntly - she replies no, and if I feel that way I need to address them with her so she stops giving me these feelings. She has been sleeping on the floor this entire time (she went and bought a bed but it's still not here) and I have caught her sneaking into my room when I'm not home and sleeping in there. She also keeps taking the food that I buy for work or just throughout the day. I don't bring these up, I still haven't and plan on it soon. She sits down and says she has something to tell me - but before I go into this conversation it's important to know the details of this guy who we will refer to as Jim. Jim was a mutual friend of one of her friends. At first I had no issues with Jim and her relationship of being friends, but during a rocky period I believe that she may have opened up to him too much and possibly lead him on. Jim kisses her on the cheek one night as he has fallen for her and she feels completely guilty about it and tells me the next day. She felt as though she had cheated (which to be fair one can justify it was or wasn't) but I tell her mistakes happen and I can look past a kiss on the cheek for a 3 year relationship. I contact Jim via text and tell him how uncool it was to do that and Jim replies like a typical douche - saying \"if only you knew the truth\" and \"she told me everything.\" I call her out and ask her what he means by these texts and she responds I swear on my life it was only a kiss on the cheek. I tell her she needs to block communication with Jim immediately and watch her as she removes him from our life. This happened 3-6 months prior to our breakup. Back to the story - she sits down and tells me she has gotten into contact with Jim again. I figured this would happen - just not so soon. She informs me that her and Jim plan on going on a camping trip a few hours away for the weekend. This really hurts me and stings and made me question if it really was just a kiss on the cheek that night and I bring it up again. She promises and swears that was all (she has never lied to me in the past and is a very honest person, so I truly do believe she is telling the truth). I tell her how this is a bad idea to jump into something so soon and she needs to find happiness in herself but she comes back she needs to know if there is a spark between them. She informs me if she feels uncomfortable at all, she will return home immediately. I overhear her face-timing Jim and they sound extremely comfortable together - laughing and talking (for the short duration I overheard, I couldn't bear to listen to it so I walked away). As of today, she still isn't home and left Friday. Our mutual friend informs me at first she thought she was doing it for the attention, but now thinks she is serious and wants to date Jim already. Mutual friend tells her to slow down and think things through and not jump into things - that's the last I've heard. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nThis weekend I've been sitting here at home, with her stuff just across the room full of anger and disappointment. How can she jump into something so soon after only being apart for 3 weeks? I honestly am proud of myself because I'm angry, but I thought I would handle this much much worse than I actually am. Before she left on the trip, I informed her she needs to move out and she agrees and tells me she is looking for a place to stay already. She has been extremely shady with our friends about this whole situation, even my best friend who is basically related to her has no idea what she is doing or why she is doing it. He agrees she is being weird and not her normal self - and extremely shady. I've been having days of ups and downs, a roller-coaster of emotion. I've been talking to a few girls but it just doesn't feel the same - or even right. Her leaving on the trip I knew right away she had full intentions of being with Jim. Jim is the complete opposite of her, likes to do drugs, more of an introvert, and overall just a kind of weird guy in general. Jim is extremely good at smooth talking (I know this because she showed me the texts between them from the first incident), and I informed her before the trip that if Jim was willing to get in between our relationship to get to you, he would do it again. She doesn't listen and shrugs it off. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAt this point of writing this, I feel almost empty. I tried hanging out with friends and it's a great time but I still just feel empty. I really don't want her to come home after this trip and wish she would just stay there forever. We share a lot of mutual friends (almost all of our friends are the same) and I already know things will be even more hard when we all start getting together and hanging out. I'm unsure of how to handle that portion - but I feel like when it happens I will know what to do. I'm not really one to speculate but most of my friends have seen these things before and think that she will go through a honeymoon phase with Jim and realize the grass isn't greener and try to come back. I've thought about that a lot, and question - what will I do if she does try to come back? I was honestly so good to her - we never fought - hung out all the time - lived together for 3 years - sex life was good, she just felt that I lacked in showing affection to her at times (she REALLY likes attention, like...REALLY likes it). Some days I feel like fighting - asking her to come back but I know that at this point it won't help anything, only make things worse...other days I feel like ghosting her, getting her moved out and deleting her out of my life (which is what I plan on doing once she moves out). I just struggle with the friends portion of it - they are all staying EXTREMELY mutual. My roommate speculates she will come back and the guilt will get to her and she will want to try again - at this point, I'm not convinced. I just feel like I'm in a rut....and I am having a hard time accepting it's time to move on...but at the same time I feel like I should wait for her and see if this relationship between her and Jim does work out or not....but I know that's not the right answer. I guess my question to Reddit is - what do I do now? How do I look past this when we still live together for the time being and see each other so much? Do I fight for this or let it go? This is my second serious relationship and even though we both had our flaws, I felt like she may have been the one that got away....\n\n&#x200B;\n\nIf you have any other questions I will respond to them the best way possible. I am using a throwaway to stay anonymous.",
+      "timestamp": 1561334970.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 1
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "awd2zw",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My [24M] ex [24F] is not getting over us, can I help her or should I cut contact?",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/awd2zw/my_24m_ex_24f_is_not_getting_over_us_can_i_help/",
+      "content": "Hi reddit,\n\nI would like to breeze through the current situation/question first, then provide more details/back story for the curious. Thank you for your advise and attention.\n\nMy ex and I are friends and in touch. We've separated 8 months ago because I did not feel like our relationship was going anywhere, and because we ended up in different countries. I hoped she would feel the same way but she didn't, but handled it maturely. We agreed that we both want to be friends, will be open about our future relationship, and didn't exclude the possibility that in a few years we'd end up in the same city and things might spark again. I thought all was good, but perhaps the last point was a mistake, in retrospect.\n\nIt was fine the first few months, but after a while she started acting affectionately towards me when we spoke or chatted - pet names, body language, simple stuff like that. At some point she then openly, but nonchalantly, admitted that she \"still loved me\".\n\nI probed the topic gently, but she said she was fine and was dealing with things at her own pace and terms. She re-iterated that she is ok with me dating someone and living life, but her feelings are hers to manage. This broke my heart a little to be honest, but I tried to respect her wishes. But her behaviour hasn't changed, and I tried putting a bit more distance between us. We now Skype once-twice a month at most, text maybe once every few days a bit. But the contents are still the same, she says she is worried that we speak so little and encourages us to spend more time together - online games, movies, etc; in fact she was last talking about how we could travel to Spain and Italy together when she gets her week off work in June.\n\nAt this point I don't feel like she is getting over us at all, and am wondering if I should be out of the picture to let her heal. I want to stress that cutting ties with her would be devastating for me too, because honestly she is an amazing friend, and we share a long history too. At least I would like to go through any other options first, so that's why I'm here. Please help me.\n\nOption 1: I openly say we should spend time apart, or organically fade our conversation into obscurity. Either way she'll see what I'm doing and it'll be painful for her, but I'm sure she'll be able to heal over time, and maybe we'll be able to talk again at some point.\n\nOption 2: I reject her advances and move on, that means at some point I'll date someone and tell her, etc etc. I'm afraid this'll just hurt her same as option one, without giving her the space to move on.\n\nIn particular, please advise me how to move on with dating. I did not do anything on this front due to work stress, but also maybe due to my situation with my ex, but now I would like to proceed. If I date someone I'll have to tell her, I promised. If I am to cut contact, would it be better to do so before dating someone, or does it not matter anymore?\n\nIs there anything else? I would like to stay friends. I would like to see her happy, whether with another guy or not. I think at this point I'd best describe my feelings as towards a sister or cousin - warm and caring, but strictly not romantic.\n\nThank you.\n\n---\n\nIn more detail:\n\nMy ex and I dated for nearly 3 years. We both had some relationships before, but nothing serious, so in many ways we were each others' firsts. As often happens in this case, we formed strong bonds, and were each others' worlds - best friend, confidante, lover, everything.\n\nBut time went by, and as we graduated we ended up in different countries, even continents. We tried the long distance for a while, but it wasn't working for me. Not only was it unclear whether we'd be able to reunite, but also I felt like I wanted a new relationship. There wasn't anything deeper to that, maybe; at this age I didn't want to marry and settle yet. Maybe that's shallow. You decide for yourself.\n\nI felt like the distance and different careers were a reasonable conclusion to our relationship. We've met and grown. We have our respective paths now. We were both mature and reasonable. For about two months I was struggling with my feelings, double guessing myself and weighting options, before I decided to speak to her. By that time I was confident. I hoped she would see things in the same light.\n\nSadly she didn't, and in fact she thought that the long distance was working out well and she was thinking of us very long term. But she said she respects my feelings and it's best we separate. We both agreed to stay friends, etc - what you've heard in my first paragraphs.\n\nTime went by but things didn't cool down. Foolishly, I envisioned a future where we could be each other's wingmen, be very open friends as our mutual experience would allow us, just be separate romantically. Obviously this isn't happening now.\n\nWhen she was calling me pet names and told me she still loved me it was one thing, and I still had reasons to believe she was coping and these could be her ways, she just needed space. But now I can't believe that anymore. She has an \"anonymous\" twitter account, which she knows I am subscribed to and is subscribed to me. But she also knows I barely ever use twitter so I'm not sure whether she intended for me to see her tweets. She recently was posting that she broke down crying during work because she keeps finding our old photos and such (don't want to misrepresent it, but that's the jist). And then the thing about the trip to Europe together. She mentioned that she'd like to work towards getting employed in the country I'm at now, which would under any other circumstances be wonderful, but not on impulse like this. This also puts pressure on me. What if I desire to move within that time? It's clear that she wants to move here because of us, she isn't hiding it really. I think, but this is just my speculation, that she framed it for herself like I want to \"have fun\" and explore around before settling down, but that we're settling down together. Just my hunch, not that it matters. In any case I do not see it this way. I said I do not exclude us being back together in the future, but I meant a sort of \"in 5-10 years\" future. I now regret bringing this topic up during the breakup.\n\nAnd now we're here. Not sure how to properly act in my situation. I think I've written out everything I could, but feel free to ask questions.",
+      "timestamp": 1551495694.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 4
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "73b9ju",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Not sure if my boyfriend (22 m) has my best interests (21 f)",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/73b9ju/not_sure_if_my_boyfriend_22_m_has_my_best/",
+      "content": "Hi, first of all I apologize for the poor formatting, I'm doing this on mobile. Secondly, if there is a more appropriate place for this post, please let me know and I will promptly remove this post. Thanks. \n\nSo my boyfriend and I have been together just over 4 years now. We've been through everything together just about, from getting arrested to moving cross-country. I even stopped attending school to take on more work hours in order to give him a better opportunity. I've always trusted him completely, as I've always been able to share any and everything with him without fear of being judged. Not to mention he took me in when I was 17 after I got kicked out of my home. \n\nBoth of us struggle with mental illness, I have ptsd from an extremely abusive childhood and he has pretty severe ADHD. I've always stood by him and helped every way I could to ease things for him, even when his medication would cause him to lash out at me. \n\nFast forward to a year or two later, he begins excelling in school to the point he is able to start attending a nicer university on the opposite side of the country. We immediately pack up and make the big move together. However, moving away from everything familiar really messed with me. I've never lived outside my small hometown, so the change has been hard to adjust to. \n\nIt became obvious that the isolating feeling has aggravated my ptsd, making things a lot more difficult for me. As I'm starting to struggle to keep up, I realize he doesn't want to help me the way I have supported him.\n\nToday, what started as a simple miscommunication turned into a giant argument, with him telling me I have bpd and he can't deal with it anymore. \n\nHe said this because I removed myself from the room to give him and myself some space after our miscommunication. It is very important for me to gain my own space when I feel upset, so I don't get overwhelmed by my emotions. \n\nWhenever I tried to ask why he thinks that, his response would only be \"I read some things on reddit and I think you might be\"\n\nAny time I tried saying that is completely false (I've been diagnosed by actual professionals many times, none have ever speculated I have bod) he would disregard it, or tell me that I just have to \"help myself\"\n\nI feel as though he is ignoring my opinion because he is no longer interested in helping me out, and that it isn't really about my mental health, but that he feels I'm holding him back and this is his only way of telling me I need to leave. I only say this because he briefly mentioned my \"laziness\" holds him back. \n\ntl;dr - my long time boyfriend does not seem to want to help me get better as a person because he's grown tired of the relationship ",
+      "timestamp": 1506724264.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 2
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "2jgk3s",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "[23/m]Advice on getting ex back??",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/2jgk3s/23madvice_on_getting_ex_back/",
+      "content": "Hello reddit, first time poster, long time reader. \n\nWall of text inc so bear with me. Would like some advice on my current situation. \n\n  So I've been dating this girl for over 2 years. We just broke up a month ago, and I wasn't happy about it but I agreed it would be mutual and we would still be best friends. The days following that I became so enraged and told her we could never be friends. I thought that by breaking off the friendship I would stop feeling so miserable and I could move on with my life. I insisted she return my things such as my clothes and keys, she said no that she wasn't going to let that happen, and heavy, intense arguments followed.\n\n  Flash forward 3 weeks of no talking, and I learned a lot about my self. It was kind of my fault for the break up and I realize that now. My Dad passed away almost 1 year ago and it's been a real struggle. She was with me through the whole thing and it really strengthened our bond. What I was unaware of at the time was I was building up a wall to block out every emotion and feeling. I just didn't know how to handle it. And I unintentionally blocked feelings for her too, which caused the end of us. \n\n About 2 days ago I recently let everything out I was holding behind that wall. I spilled everything to a very trusted older person and learned a lot about myself. Things came out of my own mouth that I never knew I felt. I feel so good for the first time in a long time and really know what I want from life. Among other things, I realized I still loved my ex and was not going to let this be the end. I told myself I will fight for her as hard or as long as it takes. \n\n So I called her yesterday, and asked her for one hour just to talk in person. At first she said no, and I just said ok. Then an unexpected call that she freed up some time. I told her all the things I realized about myself. And that I couldn't lose her friendship after everything we have been through. She was shocked to hear me say the exact stuff that ended our relationship and that I was going to fix those things for my self (and secretly hers). I don't think she expected me to figure that out.\n\n She told me that she was in a new relationship. My stomach nearly burst when I heard that. I couldn't believe she could replace me so quick. But I kept my cool and said that's ok I understand you need time and to see what else is out there. I told her that I'm not giving up on us and I'll be patient and fight for you. \n\n When I told her that I had hooked up with someone, she became pretty defensive and told me to keep it in my pants, made me promise to wear a condom, and she \"felt like she needed to reclaim what was hers.\" I told her if she was going to date someone else than so was I. The hour turned into about 4 and ended in a long make-out session. I know the more time I spend with her in person, The more I can show her I'm a totally new person and fixed the things that were wrong. I need advice on how to get more face time with her, not sound desperate but let her know I'm fighting hard, and fast track this thing back into our relationship. \n\nWhat I know I need to do:\n-Give her time\n-Give her space\n-Dont text/call ?\n-Focus on myself\n-Let this rebound relationship run its course\n\n\nBut in the mean time how do I stop her new relationship from getting to me. I know the guy is, less attractive than me, shorter than her, no job, no car, big family(which she doesn't like). These were all words out of her mouth, not my speculation. \n\nThanks for taking the time to read and comment!",
+      "timestamp": 1413496883.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 4
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "25pk7c",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "21/m 22/f Picking up on odd shit, not delirious or stupid genuine confusion",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/25pk7c/21m_22f_picking_up_on_odd_shit_not_delirious_or/",
+      "content": "Okay so, this has been on my mind since 520AM, about 2.5 hours. Angela a wonderful woman, unsure if she likes me or not, hard to fucking tell. Didn\u2019t call me back last night because she was in a \u201cfunk\u201d (What?) That sounds like total bullshit. Negative perception states she is lost, confused, and partially not ready to be swept off her feet. She is stringing me along until she finds out her decision. Unsure if she knows what she wants or not, like the rest of them. Unsure if her decision making relies soley on me or between two males. Again, that\u2019s all speculation. My options for this weekend are to catch her at \u201cetc, etc\u201d a rave show hosted at Skyway Theatre. I understand the drugs and immaturity of the rave scene I really do, however this girl is the exception and I am confident in that. Kind of want to tell her to go fuck herself and that I\u2019m not her little boy toy to sit around and whimper and wait for her to figure her shit out to be frank, I know what I want and I\u2019m ready for it, I have been for the last 6 fuckin\u2019 years. A bit of background, she has a level head on her shoulders, she\u2019s right up my ally and I\u2019m right up hers and causes for a great woman to make my own. I would also like to add she is \u201cright\u201d woman, not just a good one. The last few dates and interactions have gone flawless. We have been in a bit of fairytale mode. Chit-chatted here and there finally met up in person, decided to go out on a date, flawless, gives me all kinds of attention. This has been going on for nearly a month. Lately it has been \u201ccatch\u201d me here or there. Unsure of what to make of this. Duly noted, I am not blowing her phone up I give her her space, I know what the fuck I\u2019m doing women aren\u2019t hard. However this one is giving me a run for my money and I love it. Okay enough bitching I haven\u2019t slept in nearly 12 hours, fuck a night shift. Positive perception; she works two full time jobs, has shit to do, plus a life of her own that does not revolve around me. Understandable, however god damn bitch if you really like me you\u2019d make time for me. There is nothing to be frustrated about she has given me the opportunity to see her another time \u2013 awesome why the fuck not. I mean shit the night before she posted on my wall \u201cYou and I. We have rad conversations, I dig it.\u201d Implicating she digs wha we have to talk about, me,  or etc.  This or she\u2019s on the rag, which sucks. I also understand women have their emotions come in waves, I experience it too, some nights I will feel \u201cI don\u2019t actually like her\u201d additionally this is caused by pseudo perception, I\u2019m fucking head over heels. (Maybe the same is applied?  Hopeful thought, possibly not real) Mind my errors in writing I\u2019m getting shit faced to kill this amphetamine and go to bed, it\u2019s my only day off. I get that all this takes time and blah blah, but I am truly baffled at this point, I think I am confused, because SHE IS. \n\nReddit seriously not in the mood for dickhead responses (unless enlightening) what the fuck, I know I have made no error in process, I mean shit according to the books I\u2019m right on cue, even other women are noticing, but I don\u2019t want them or anything do to with them. I want this specific one girl. I don\u2019t have trouble moving on rejection is normal and failure are all parts of success. So please don\u2019t tell me what I already know, I\u2019m asking am I being toyed with or am I overthinking it making the same mistake the rest of them men did? Men don\u2019t reply if you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about (especially if you\u2019re single) cause like, save it, don\u2019t wanna  hear  alpha this or that. If I wanted any ol\u2019 girlfriend believe me that could be congregated in a minute, but I\u2019m on the prowl for the right woman, one I can endure with for some time, this would be the one (perhaps  not, but seldom am I actually wrong fuck yeah I\u2019m a goddamn narcissit how do you think I found reddit.) Am I just being a selfish dickwad like all the other men that fucked this up, or is she truly unsure about her feelings towards me? or do I just need to sleep and think about it then? I don\u2019t give a fuck what the answer is at this point, I just hate wondering on a subject that realistically should hold no questions. \n",
+      "timestamp": 1400246489.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 5
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1f60vh",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My[24/m] 3 year story [22/F]... x-post from r/offmychest",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1f60vh/my24m_3_year_story_22f_xpost_from_roffmychest/",
+      "content": "I feel like a truly whiny bitch complaining about this shit but I'll try to put it into perspective....\n\nSo 3 years ago I began dating this girl that I've known through high school. Over the course of those 3 years, she became my best friend... and because of the events that have led to where I'm at now, I no longer have anyone to talk to. So I hope that sharing these memories will more just help me release, even if no one is really reading....\n\nIn high school, we were barely acquaintances... let alone what someone would refer to as a 'friend'. We lived in a small neighborhood and she was always emotionally unavailable. Constantly in long term relationships (6+ months) with a few other acquaintances from our couple blocks of 'friends'. Not that I didn't want to try... there was always something I noticed about her... still not even sure what it was to this day, just something that I felt.... not attraction... but a connection. But I never wanted to be 'that guy'.\n\nOne night in high school, I had a party at my house (parents were gone for the weekend) and she came. She was in her 'separated' phase from one of the guys she was with at the time and we were all drinking having a good time as the night was winding down. I was laying on a lawn chair that had the back propped up, she came over, and sat on my lap. Now, before this, aside from my little crush I had forgot about, I couldn't really recall any time that she's ever shown me any affection. So I put my arms around her in a hug and she laid back on me. We we're both a little drunk but my heart sank. It felt.... right. I'd never felt more comfortable in my life before then. After a few minutes she turned around and hugged me back and as she was pulling away, our cheeks brushed together and I thought for what seemed like an eternity but was only a split moment, that we were going to kiss.... but before that opportunity could happen, she pulled away, and just looked at me... not like she didn't want to, but like she felt it was wrong. She never said anything though, just gave this regretful little smirk, stood up, and carried on with the party....\n\nNow just some background info on me... I don't have long term relationship experience other than this one... Every girl I've ever been with has either left me for someone else, or cheated on me and I subsequently broke up with them after... I don't maintain communications with my ex's because I've been hurt so often and it has left me an insecure wreck...\n\nFast forward... Years later, we've both since graduated and carried on with our lives separately... I was 21 and she was 19. I had seen, thanks to the world of Facebook, that she had been dumped by her boyfriend of a year (I think) and it had been a few weeks. She seemed down and I was in a band at the time that had a show coming up at the end of February of 2010. So on a whim I sent her a message asking if she'd like to buy some tickets. Nothing malicious, nothing intended from it, but ever since that night in high school, I just had this feeling... indescribable... we'll just call it caring. I had no intention of anything coming from it, but I could tell she seemed depressed, so this seemed like a way to get her out and have a good night. I seen her a few days before the show so she could pick up the tickets, and we had a small chat, but nothing major. A few days later was the day of the show and I was hanging out, tossing a few back with the other members of the band, waiting for our set when I remember seeing her... I wasn't drunk, but had a few to take the nervous edge off since this was my first major show (playing for roughly 100 people), but when I seen her that night, words could not describe how my heart sank to my feet... I couldn't even comprehend anything that I was feeling because of my insecurities... all that I knew is that that whole night, I seen no one but her... It felt like everyone else were shadows and it was just me and her... I had to try.\n\nThe entire time on the stage I played my heart out... I guess I was just trying to impress her... I just couldn't stop looking at her in the crowd and she was looking at me with this smile... It just broke me... It was the single greatest moment in my life, and I had never spent more than a few hours with this girl. I couldn't put this understanding together in my mind and because of my insecurities, I always try to rationalize everything. But this feeling... just made no sense.\n\nAfter we were done playing, we moved our equipment off stage. After that, I tried finding her as soon as I could... I just wanted to see her again, still not sure why to this day. All of my other friends I sold tickets too were coming up to me to congratulate me and tell me how 'bad ass' it was, but it all just seemed like background noise... Finally I seen her, she gave me a huge hug and I picked her off the ground, she had this smile ear to ear and seemed (at least to me) to be glowing. At this point, I had a few more drinks in me and my liquid confidence was up (probably the whole playing on stage thing helped me too) but I just did the first thing that came to my mind... which happened to be to put my arm around her and say \"So... Facebook says your single.\" Her and her friend she had brought started laughing at the cheesy-ness of it but she did smile and respond with a timid 'yeah...'. It wasn't much but I was happy to be in her presence... I hadn't been 'happy' in longer than I could remember, and just in that moment, it seemed like things were working. That night I asked if she wanted to come over and hang out, she obliged, and before the end of the night we kissed. It was... well obviously unforgettable. A few weeks later, we made it 'Facebook Official'... March 7th, 2010....\n\nObviously this story has to have a down point to it, but there was a small trip before the hard fall... A month or 2 after we had been together, she was talking to her ex... I wont go into details but basically she dumped me because she was 'confused'... I wallowed in misery and contemplated suicide... It was a cold night in late April (freezing temperatures) and left the house to go to a nearby park right by the lake in nothing but a hoodie and jeans. I laid down on a hill, took out my phone, and just text 'good-bye' to her.... I wanted to either freeze to death, or wake up the next morning born again... either way, I just didn't want to feel the way I did. A few moments later I heard a car, followed by a familiar voice calling my name... it was her... I don't know if she did it to calm her guilt or what, but she assured me that she made a mistake, that I was who she wanted, that she's never going to talk to him again, that nothing happened between them two in the days we were broken up, and that I could go through her phone if she didn't believe me... I obliged and read through the conversations which basically boiled down her apologizing to him for her confusion, but that she was in love with me and that's who she wanted to be with.\n\nAfter that, we kept the March 7th 'Anniversary date' and the next 3 years were perfect. I mean I wont say we never fought. I have insecurities and she would talk to a few people that I viewed as less than trustworthy, but it was never malicious. I was always just worried that she'd leave me again, never said it but I had my paranoia...\n\nI wont bore with the details but we basically lived together. She stayed over every night, occasionally would sleep a night or 2 a month at her house if she had something to do, or had to be up early... but we did practically everything together. She even took an interest in my drag racing hobby (which she knew nothing about cars). She was my personal definition of perfect. I trusted her, the first girl that I trusted, well since ever. I thought everything was perfect.... until....\n\nShe had a friend that sparked an argument early in our relationship that I knew for awhile, but was her 'best' friend since she was 10 years old. They dated for a few months before 'us' but she broke up with him (I think because she valued their friendship... truthfully I don't really know). After that, he went into a downward spiral... basically worked meaningless, dead end jobs, blew all his money, etc... I'm not an angel, but I have priorities. During our relationship, all I seen was him using her to borrow money and get free haircuts... Obviously, I had dislike for this kid since he shared a connection to the only girl I ever truly loved (or at least I didn't understand love until her) and he secretly hated me because I had what he couldn't have. I've even had people tell both of us of him saying that I 'didn't deserve her', and that she could 'do better' than me. I resented him and it even got to the point (back to the early relationship argument) were I asked her 'If I made you pick between us, who would you choose?'... she broke down and said 'Please don't make me do this.', I told her just to answer the question and she responded with me... I felt a sigh of relief and told her 'I would NEVER make you do that, I would never make you do something you didn't want to do, I just needed to know.' After that, I didn't let the once every 3 month conversations bother me too badly, she told me when they talked and when she would cut his hair, I was no longer worried, I just showed her that it still bothered me.... I guess I should of been worried...\n\nFast forward to the downward spiral....\n\nJanuary 2013.... I got a call from my girlfriend which I was on my lunch break and all she said was '(Name) OD last night, he's dead'.. I responded with \"I'll be right there...'. I couldn't comprehend what she was going through, but I knew she was broken. He had gotten into heroin and was supposedly trying to get clean. Beyond that I cannot do anything but assume what was going through her mind from then till earlier this May... She knew I had such resentment toward him, for every little hardship and pain he put on our relationship and because of that, she couldn't talk to me about it.... she couldn't draw herself to talk to the one person who is supposed to be there for her for anything... and I couldn't blame her. I was inhuman about my emotions about it, which broke me too... but I could never tell her my true feelings, I could never tell her that for the first time in my life, I was glad someone was dead... when she told me about him, I wanted to be there for her, but I knew she couldn't be there for me... I knew she could never know how cold and dead I felt by that fact that I was happy over his death... I couldn't talk to my best friend, about one of the coldest emotions I've ever felt in my life... and all I wanted was for her to talk to me...\n\nI guess I fucked up... because I didn't push her to tell me what was bothering her.... We went on an amazing vacation after that for 10 days, continued to spend every day together, just continued life as usual... nothing really seemed off. I guess I was just blind... I don't really know... She had the occasional moments where she broke down, but where becoming more a thing of the distant past with each passing day... until....\n\nAbout a few weeks prior to her breaking up with me, she had stayed home 3 times in one week... which I was confused as to why... everything seemed fine, so I pushed... finally she broke down and told me she needed her space... that she didn't want to break up, she just wanted to 'sort things out' in her mind. I'll admit, I didn't take it well at all... I couldn't believe it because I thought things were getting better... During an argument I blurted out (and regret it more than you can understand) 'Has all this started ever since that douchebag OD'd?!'...\n\nThe next few weeks didn't go so well... After the argument, while I was at work, she took everything she wanted out of the house and sent me a text message 'I don't want to you be blindsided, but I took some stuff out of the room, I just need some space.'... I wasn't worried about it at the time, but when I made it home, I only seen her stuff from her side of the bed gone, until I looked and seen hanging from a thumbtack on the wall was her house key, and a necklace that I got her for her first birthday we we're together.... I lost it... I calmly took everything down from the walls, took off the bed clothes, basically cleaned everything out that even remotely reminded me of her and bagged it up... I wasn't removing her from my life... I just could sleep with the reminders... Everything just hurt too bad... I was a disaster. Even to this day I haven't gotten more than an hour or 2 of consecutive sleep. I sent her a message in disbelief that she would do that... that she would leave the necklace of all things here... knowing what it was supposed to represent... She replied by making me feel like a piece of shit about getting as upset over it as I did... citing that its just a 'material possession'... I guess she's right, I dunno... It just hurt too much at the time....\n\nDuring her 'space' time, she stayed over a few nights, would barely even kiss me, wouldn't let me hold her, just came in, read her book while I watched TV, said good night, and that was it.... I still cherished her company... there was just that resentment I couldn't get over. I couldn't understand what happened... I couldn't comprehend why someone that used to have a role in her life would affect her enough to throw away what I felt was a good relationship... I was completely blindsided and I still to this day don't know why. All I knew is that I wanted her to kiss me as affectionately as she used to... just to show that she still loved me...\n\nI continued to give her space, she was working late at a side job and was due home around 10pm, I got off work at 7, so with a few hours to kill, I went and had a few drinks at a bar. Around 10 I cashed out my tab and was about to go to my car when I got a message from her 'come outside'... It was May 8th....\n\nShe came up and said she couldn't do this anymore... that her feelings have 'changed' she doesn't know why... she told me rationalize it with the cliche 'i love you, not in love with you' thing... that this had been going on for months... It wasn't something that just happened... I still don't really believe it.... I think she is still in love with me... I just don't understand anything beyond that.... the only thing I understood was that I was dumped and devastated... I went back into the bar, and closed it down... When I finally arrived back home (not exactly remember driving home) I gathered every little thing she ever gave me, and everything that was ever bought for 'us', and left it on her doorstep...\n\nThe next week consisted of continuous self medication to the point where even my boss pulled me into his office and said 'I'm saying this as a friend, you need to stop, or you're going to drink yourself to death.'...\n\nAfter my drunk week, I asked to talk to her... It wasn't really a conversation but more like me talking, but I got a few things off my chest as well... I told her that I'm sorry if she took me giving her everything was a sign of kicking her out of my life, but it wasn't... I told her I wanted everything back, every little thing, every little detail.... but only if she came with it... She said that this was just too hard to keep pretending she was ok.... I said I'd give her space, but I just wanted her to make one promise... that if she is talking to someone, starts talking to someone, or does anything with anyone, that she would just be honest and tell me.... doesn't matter the time or as it's happening, I just wanted to know so that I could try to move on then... she replied that she wanted me to move on now... which killed me inside, but I swallowed my pride and replied with 'I know we're stronger than this... I know we can work through anything....'. So she finally said 'I promise'.\n\nI don't have a tolerance for being replaceable... and as long as there is no one else taking the place of the void I left in her life, I'll just sit here in my perpetual misery until she comes back... I cant give up... Everyone judges me saying 'you can't put your life on hold for someone who didn't appreciate you enough to keep you', and in a mild way I guess I won't.... but other than her finding someone else, it would take someone absolutely amazing for me to move on, because that's what this girl is to me.... absolutely amazing. Even now, I'd give up EVERYTHING just have her back. Just for her to get her emotions in order and come back to me... If she was ever 'in love' with me, I know that she didn't just fall out of love....\n\nUnfortunately I don't have proof, other than I still trust her.... but my thought process is trying to kill me... I lay awake, tossing and turning at night wondering what she's doing, who's she's talking to, who's hitting on her, or who's trying make her have that one momentary lapse of judgement that will cause me to either force myself to get over it, or finally push me over the edge...\n\nI haven't been truthfully suicidal... I think everyone has those moments were they consider it, just to stop the pain... I know it'll eventually go away eventually but truth is, I don't want to get over it I just want her back... I cant stand the thought of 'moving on' right now. The only thing holding me together is the fact that I still have hope...\n\nWhich I guess will lead me to my final conclusion.... I'm a shell of my former self... I feel like a zombie... even going out and drinking is just a crutch that helps me hide my emotions better but they never really go away... I can't sleep, and if it wouldn't of devastated my parents, I'm sure I would have already 'shut off the light' already... but I care about them too much to ever do that to them... So I never will... I guess I'm not really looking for advice or anything, I just wanted to talk to someone, but because the one person I talked to about anything that's bothered me over the past 3 years found me expendable, I just hope that someone finds this story touching or helpful... If I could go back, I would of forced her to talk to me... even if she resented me and left me after that, I'd at least have a better understanding as to why... Why she decided to do this to me... But it's true... people who talk about suicide are the ones who wont do it... and I don't plan on it... but the thought is still there. It just hurts that she hasn't even told me she misses me, which makes me wonder, does she not even miss me? Or is not missing me something she's trying to convince herself to get over me?... Once again... all speculation since she wont talk to me... But it's another thorn into my shattered metaphorical heart that I just can't wrap my mind around.\n\nI guess AMA if you want, and input is appreciated, but I've pretty much made up my mind. I'm not really sure there's anything left to say right now... I'm lying in wait, just hoping I'm strong enough to weather this storm...\n",
+      "timestamp": 1369698735.0,
+      "upvotes": 4,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "14qbut",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "It's complicated... Or I'm just making illusions for myself and sth is wrong with me ...",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14qbut/its_complicated_or_im_just_making_illusions_for/",
+      "content": "It's a throwaway, in case anybody wonders. This is very long-winded. I talk a lot... But maybe you find this interesting.\n\nI have been deliberating whether or not I should post this to reddit and see what other people think but at this point, why the hell not...\n\nSo I am 26 and last year ended a 4 year relationship with the girl I met in university. We loved each other and had plans for the future but also had some compatibility issues. In the end, I stuck it out with her and she with me, until her visa issues forced her to leave Europe. We parted on amicable terms and still stay in contact but since our compatibility issues never were resolved, we agreed that we probably don't have a future, even if she came back here or I went to Asia for her.\n\nFast forward, nearly a year later, I am still taking this pretty hard, still a bit devastated, heartache, etc. . I am in no shape or form looking for another relationship and just try to work this out and get over it. My refuge and one of my hobbies have always been video games. In one of said video games, a real life friend of mine one day forwards me a contact of a decent player. I play with said person and we notice we like each other. Post game chats become longer and more off-topic and after I call the gamer \"dude\" some day, it turns out it's a girl. Nothing special to me, I know girls play video games and I know girls exist so, yeah, not a big revelation or sth.\n\nTurns out that girl is 16 years old, we talk a lot and find out each other's age, where we live, what we do, etc. etc. get to know each other.\n\nAfter a couple of days or weeks, she asks to add me on Skype. Why not. We voice chat a few times and I didn't even notice to be honest, that we talk less and less about the game and more and more about each other, there is no obvious flirting but we get closer.\n\nA little later comments like \"I like your voice\" etc. show the first signs of light flirting.\n\nI do notice this and since I am not looking for anything and particularly since she is only 16 i dodge any flirt attempts and let the run into emptyness. Even though I do quickly realize and admit to myself that I like this girl a lot and that in many ways she is quite amazing and exhibiting character traits that I have been missing in many of my same-aged female companions in the past. More importantly, she is in many ways, the exact oppositve of my ex-girlfriend of 4 years in particularly those issues that created compatibility problems.\n\nStill, she is 16, so I try to create some distance and keep our relationship based on the video game.\n\nBut this girl obviously likes me a lot too and doesn't stop. I keep pushing her away, she keeps getting closer and doesn't stop.\n\nEvery time i tried to push her away or create dumb traps that would make her less desirable for me, she reacts in a completely unexpected and, to me, perfect way that makes her only more desirable.\n\nWe start to spend most of our days on skype, chatting with each other and in the evenings playing and voice chatting with each other.\n\nAfter a while, I decide to give up. I want her, I have feelings for her and it is dumb and complicated but I know she feels the same so I decide for myself, if she wants this, I will try this crazyness.\n\nNot long after, I stay on skype with her after her family went to sleep, she takes her laptop to bed and wants me to keep talking to her. In that chat we have, she tells me that she loves me and I give up completely and tell her that I love her too.\n\nIt is sort of idiotic, I know, but we talked about how crazy and complicated this is and would be and that it makes no sense to enter such a relationship without even having met in person. We have been video chatting quite a bit by that point. We like each other.\n\nWe make plans to meet some time this year, for me to fly to her and try to meet.\n\nWe are \"together\" this way for around 3 to 4 months when I get an opportunity to fly to her country. In the meantime, we were extremely happy \"together\" but also had our first unpleasant conversations and (in my eyes) small issues to work out. I notice her immaturity in this and that she likes to run away from problems instead of facing and solving them. I tend to do the opposite but am a good communicator and listener and can adjust to her. So we decide to keep going.\n\nI am not even sure anymore if I should fly there with our recent issues but to my surprise, she asks me to.\n\nI book a ticket and fly there, we beforehand agree that it might not be possible to meet, because her parents are not exactly thrilled about this and might not allow it but she promises to try what she can and I say if it isn't possible, I will just get to know her city and culture and come back another time.\n\nWhen I arrive there, we talk less than we had when i was far away from her. I don't take this as well as I thought and quickly feel lonely and out of place. Knowing no one and being rather bored with her city and country (I have been around the world and seen many places, it just wasn't that interesting).\n\nAfter 2 days of being there, I make probably a rather big mistake. I felt weak and lonely and I tell her that. Tell her that I came here because of her and that I feel out of place since she talks less with me than before and I feel confused and alone and I need her to show me that she wants me to be there. Basically, I need my girlfriend to be there for me.\n\nThis was apparently too much pressure on her, which I probably should've known. But I'm only human after all...\n\nFor the first time in over 4 months, she doesn't talk to me for a whole day. She later tells me that she \"forgot her cell at home\" when I ask her to at least tell me she is alright because I am getting worried.\n\nAnother day passes in which I don't hear from her. I wonder the city like a ghost and feel extremely unhappy. In the afternoon I text her that I am alright and checking out the city but won't bother her anymore and spend a few more days before I leave and am sorry if I pressured her too much.\n\nIn the evening, she breaks up with me via text message, saying she thought about everything and doesn't want it. Very immature and cold stuff. She is young, so my heart is broken but I forgive her.\n\nI take the flight home the next day (it's only money and only a vacation ruined, could be worse under the circumstances...).\n\nAfter being together for about 2 months, we had a discussion where she said that she is scared that this might not work out and that she would rather wait until she is 18 and done with school. I tell her that this would probably be wise but I won't wait 2 years for her and I feel it is unlikely that we would find each other again 2 years from now. I tell her I would rather give it a try now, against all odds, then never meeting her in this life and never having tried. I also said that I find it extremely hard to take 2 steps back from saying \"I love you\" every day, waking up and going to sleep to the sound of each other's voice, speaking to each other with great affection to \"hey buddy, feel like stomping some n00bs?\" and acting like we are nothing more. She understood that, which is why I ended up flying there.\n\nAfter I returned from her city, I did what I told her I would probably do if she wants to go through with the \"lets put this on ice and be friends till I am older\" thing: I deleted her everywhere, deleted anyone who had contact with both of us and basically disappeared.\n\nThe last \"conversation\" we had when I was still in her city was basically her telling me that life goes on etc. and it was pretty clear that we were not going to have a future if she doesn't want one.\n\nSo it might have been a bit over the top by me, but I didn't know how else to deal with this situation, especially since I had gotten close with her 2 brothers as well, who both played the same video game, and I didn't know how to explain all this to them and how to distance myself from them. So I completely cut the ties and gave them some vague explanation, without cutting too deeply into her personal life.\n\nThere was however 1 mutual friend who I didn't want to delete, as I had grown quite fond of him and when I told him \"I know this is messed up by me, but I basically have to ask you to chose if you wanna keep me or her in your circle of friends, if you don't want to choose, I understand and will just go away\", he convinced me otherwise. Bro was quite fond of me as well but said that he basically became her only person to talk about all this and it would hurt her if he deletes her. That was the last thing I wanted and I was also devastated to find out that she was crying over me, hurt and blaming herself for everything.\n\nI added her once more to make sure she knows I forgive her and that the last thing I want for her is to cause her harm over this. So no hard feelings but I just have to move on and can't be her buddy, as she stated she would like it to be....\n\nDeleted her again, built a new circle of friends in the game and moved on for a few months. After about 3 months, our mutual friend gave me a heads up, that she wanted to add me again. I was hoping for reconciliation, I missed her terribly. She did too, I think, but never told me so. She basically said she wanted to stay in touch and was wondering what I was doing, etc.\n\nAgain I told her that I can try to make this work, I want her in my life but I can't do the buddy-thing and hide my feelings. She was going through some stuff at school and with puberty (including being put on the pill to level out her menstruation) so I wanted to give her space and time and we stayed kind of in touch but nothing like before. Basically it's more or less the buddy thing that she wanted and I don't. I made it clear that this is on borrowed time and I still need to know what we are but I didn't want to put too much pressure on her at the same time.\n\nNext week I will start my holidays and she will have holidays from school. I was thinking I wait until then and tell her that I need to know what she wants. If she wants me, if she still loves me, I still don't care about everything this happened because when I fell in love with her and decided to try this despite all the odds being stacked against us, I knew this wouldn't be easy and jolly but as long as we love each other, I don't give 2 fucks about it.\n\nI thought she felt the same but I feel she just got overwhelmed with everything. After she added me again, through a series of conversations of her trying to \"not get too close again\" (her words) and trying to be buddies, I could finally get her to talk about what happened back then, as I could only speculate but didn't really know.\n\nShe told me she never regretted being with me and was very happy back then, that I supported her etc. but since it was her first time of having a boyfriend, she just didn't know what to do and it was so difficult and so much stress so she just ran away. She called herself a coward and repeatedly said how sorry she was.\n\nI told her that I made my share of mistakes and that she is young, not a coward but that I am still here and even though I wasn't sure that I would give this another go, because she wasn't there for me the one time I truly needed my girlfriend to tell me she loves me and will do what she can for us to be together, I thought about it and miss her too much. I still want her and still love her.\n\nNow she had school issues again and I gave her another break to avoid pressure. But this is like limbo for me and I hate it.\n\nIf a 16 year old girl loves me and I love her and we are in 2 different countries, etc. then this is a crazy, complicated and in many ways dumb situation. But it is bearable because of our love for each other.\n\nIf a 16 year old girl wants me to be her buddy after telling me she loves me and after I fell in love with her and I stick to her for years, hoping eventually she will find it feasible to be with me, then that is not an acceptable or romantic situation. It makes me a creepy old geezer and chaser of unreciprocated love, which I simply don't need. I have other options, I have other women in my life. Just not one quite like her, in my eyes...\n\nAs you can see, this is already a huge wall of text and you still only know part of it. I don't know what to do. I am trying to understand her. Trying to find the window for us to be together. I assume she still has feelings for me but I can't know for sure as she hasn't commited again, so far. I think I need to find out about this for now before I can even consider looking for a window.\n\nLike I said, I intend to wait for our mutual holidays and when she has time and doesn't have to focus on school or other things, I will plain out tell her that she needs to figure out if she still loves and wants me and we can take it from there. If not, everything else is moot.\n\nI have spoken with people around me, among others a psychologist who is a friend of the family. Everyone told me I should just move on and stop letting a 16 year old girl play with me like that. Stop being a fool and put an end to it. I wanted to, but I keep finding myself drawn to her, this is not ordinary to me. I have been in love before, I have been in relationships before and I am a rational human being. But with her my feelings take over and it is like nothing I have ever experienced and I feel myself continuously drawn to her. I can't help but feel that she is the one I want and that I have to fight for it. I am scared to let her go (as she is of letting me go, she keeps reiterating that she doesnt want me to go away but keeps saying that if I think that's what's best for me, then she \"doesn't mind\", yeah she has a way with words ...).\n\nI don't know what else to say. I think I simply need more perspectives on this to make up my mind and figure out what to do.\n\nAlthough I expect the overwhelming consensus to be to stop torturing myself (and her?) and just put an end to it and move on. If I can be her friend then like that, if not then just move on in separate ways.\n\nIt is the logic thing to do, the most sensible. I understand. Yet it is not what I want to do. I want her. I want a life with her. But only if she wants the same with me. I think she does but she is scared and doesn't know what to do and isn't sure about her feelings. How could she, being so young.\n\nI guess it would be in her best interest (and possibly mine) if I just cut ties with her and let this dream fade into memory?\n",
+      "timestamp": 1355330041.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 5
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1p4c1ux",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Im tired of my Christian moms behavior",
+      "sub": "Advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1p4c1ux/im_tired_of_my_christian_moms_behavior/",
+      "content": "Hello! Im a teenage girl (idk abt giving my age but im over 13, under 18). I need advice, or just opinions in general, literally ANYTHING, please. Im desperate. if i word anything in a confusing way, I apologize and feel free to ask for me to elaborate. This will be very, VERY long, so just a heads up. I probably will not go over this after im done, so if there's spelling errors, thats my bad.\n\nI am in no way good at writing or explaining, so I apologize again. \n\nIt all started when I was 6, give or take. i was getting bullied, so she took me out of school. My mom (33, not sure if thats relevant.) was in a DV relationship with my father before. He had gotten out of jail around that time. Since this isnt my key point, I will try to keep this breif. He didn't stop physically, and verbally abusing her. I noticed and told her to leave him at some point, so she did or he got arrested for DV or something else. He was involved with drugs, so im not sure about what happened or why. \n\nWhile that was going on, we moved in with my grandma and her husband, who lived in the same apartment area that we did. She was drinking around that time. A few months or years, my mother, still handling the DV case, started drinking a lot more than usual. Shes a.. mean drunk (?) It'll make more sense as I go on, hopefully.  \n\n(To clear up in potential confusion, the reason i say \"A few months or years,\" is because every day was a blur. As I said, I was taken out of school at a young age. I wasnt being taught, not even with books. \n\nSo, every day was pretty much the same for me.) \n\nA few months in, i started noticing some weird behavior from my mom. Usually when she was drinking, but she drank so much i can't, and couldn't tell if she was drunk or not. \n\nShe started praying a lot more. Talk to herself. And sometimes even just yell \"get out of here\"\n\"Leave us alone\" \"go away\" \"Stop\" and similar things.\n\nI never asked who or what she was talking to, i dont really remember why.\n\n\n\n\nAlmost every night her and my grandma would talk and smoke in our room. (me and my mom shared a room)\n\nId listen sometimes. I really didn't have any choice but to.\n\nI can't remember exactly what she would say, but it was always something new, yet the exact same thing. Every. Single. Night.\n\nMy grandma would feed into it, even though she didnt believe what my mom was saying. Which is why i believe my mom has gotten worse in recent years.\n\n But I'll get into that down the line. I wanna make sure this makes sense.\n\n\n\n\n\nThe more I was isolated in that house, no friends, no one to really talk to who were my age, the more id talk to myself.\n\nThe topics id talk to myself about wasnt really out of the ordinary from what i remember. I'd just.. speak out loud.\n\nThis is when she involved me in her delusions.\n\nOne night, I was in the shower, and I was talking to myself. \n\nIn the middle of my rambles, i suddenly hear my mom ask me \n\n\"Who are you talking to?\"\n\nI told her no one. \n\n\nThat night, my grandma came in our room, sat on the edge of the bed, and they started their routine of smoking cigarettes. \n\nFrom what I remember, she had told my grandma that I was talking to someone and I told them \"I love you\" while in the shower.\n\nThat wasnt exactly a lie. I did. This is embarrassing, but this is technically anonymous, so whatever. But I'm still keeping it vague. It involved my old school crush. That's enough for you to probably understand. \n\nAnyways. \n\nThat was what got her started on her shit. (Excuse my language, sorry if I offend you in any way further on)\n\nWeek? Months? Some time after that, she started asking me about my dreams. id reply with the dream i had, if i had one.\n\nOne day she asked me if anyone has touched me (inappropriately) in my dream. For some fucking reason, i said yes. I don't know why. This was, and still is, the worst mistake ive ever made in my life.\n\nAnd, oh boy, that got her going. That night she told my grandma, so on, and so on.\n\nAfter that, I dont really remember how the days went on or what happened after that for a while.\n\nThe next thing i remember was me telling her that there was a man in the closet. \n\nThe closet in our room was always half-opened. The door was slightly off the hinges, so you couldn't close it. When we'd turn the lights off to go to sleep, its be pitch back aside from the moonlight shining into the room from my side of the bed, making the inside of the closet look even darker.\n\nSometime I told her that I was scared of the inside of the closet because there was a man in it. I told her i was scared of the vents for the same reason.\n\nWhich for kids, I'm pretty sure is normal for dark places, no? I was at least 8-9 at the time. (I think, now that i think about it, probably 6-7?)\n\nMom's would usually tell their child that its okay and that there was no man, right? Did my mom do that? No. She fed into it. Believed it herself. That was when it got worse. The speculations, praying, yelling, and so on. My grandma didn't tell her it was bullshit. She fed into it too. As she always did. \n\nShe kept going on with her prayers, talking to herself, or now that i think about it, she was probably talking to the lord. But im not sure, and im not gonna ask her. \n\nIm not sure if i mentioned that she would often cry a lot when talking to herself, but she did.\n\nJust so I dont have to clarify later on why this could be, ill add it now. My dad has past away around that time, im pretty sure. She told me earlier this year or at the end of last year. He was killed, if im not mistaken. He was a rapper starting out in our city, and got involved with the wrong people, so maybe OD?. \n\nNot the point, but his death will be relevant later, so I thought I should clear it up now.\n\nIm not gonna go through all the stories on how she got these delusions, ideas, or thoughts from, so I'll add them up so we stay on track, and quite frankly,  so I do too.\n\n- \"people\" in the vent and closet in our room.\n\n- people talking to me in my mind.\n\n- men \"r4ping\" me in my dreams.\n\n- people talking to her in her mind\n\n- people r4ping her in her dreams.\n\n-----\n\nThere was a time i remember weeks or days after she asked me about my dream that she made me take a pregnancy test. Mind you this was either during or shortly after covid. I have never been around any men other than my grandma's husband, and he didn't touch me. Like ever. We didn't get along whatsoever. 70-something man beefing with a child. Loser behavior. But not the point. Point is he didn't touch me, so there would be no reason for the stupid test. \n\nAnyways - the test came back negative, of course. \n\nThis is just one of the two memories I have of her BS.\n\n\n\nSome other things i remember, i cant remember when this was but -\n\nShe had me take a shot of her vodka while she \"blessed\" me. \n\nShe had me stand in the corner of our room because I was laying back on our bed drinking a soda in a way she didnt like. A \"manly-way\" is the best i can describe it. \n\nThe reason why she made me stand was because I was \"possessed or influenced by the people talking to me in my mind\". The way I had my hands in my pockets didn't help that speculation. \n\n(I'd like to say that to this day im afraid to put my hands in my pockets, and make certain mannerisms around her. Idk if this is relevant.)\n\n-----\n\nThese are only the things she's done at the apartment. The further years she had, and has made numerous decisions that had and have affected me and my grandma's mental health and physical health. I will be as breif as I can with this further detail because im still trying to get to my point while making it make sense. \n\nWe moved out of the apartment several times because of her delusions. She believed that my father's friends were stalking us and since she didn't have a car, we moved into my grandmas car. my grandma included. We lived in that car for months until she felt \"safe\" enough to move back into the apartment. Then we moved out again due to the same reason soon after.\n\n(If you're thinking about why she didnt call the cops for the \"stalking,\" its because she had nothing to back it up other than the white car that was in the parking lot. She had absolutely nothing else to go off of, and she knew damn well that the police wouldn't do anything. \n\nIf we were being stalked, I wouldn't know. Was never confirmed, I still think it was BS, but it could just be the resentment i had for the situation not letting me believe it.)\n\nThen my step-grandpa put his hands on my mom at one point and had to move out because of a restraining order \n\nAfter a year or so of living in the apartment, we moved out AGAIN into the car for the same reason as before. We never went back to the apartment. We lived in the car for a couple months before we moved in with my mom's dad, my grandma's ex husband. \n\nNot even a month in and shes already seeing things.\n\nShe says one night there was a figure made of smoke or a shadow with fire for eyes sitting at the edge of the bed in the room. She says it was Mathew from the bible.(?) I dont read the bible, but I looked up the book of revelations and it says Jesus was the one with eyes like fire. She may have said Daniel not Matthew, but she says so many names when talking about this stuff, so idk anymore. \n\nSoon after that happened, my grandma and her said that under his floorboards smelt weird and came up with the idea that he m/rdered his previous wife and kid because he had pictures of a woman and girl in his house. Whether its true, I dont know. \n\nThey came up with a plan to get out of there without causing suspicion. \n\nSoon after that day, he had gone to the store to get groceries, my grandma texted him while he was at the store, asking him to go back and get jelly. Then we packed up and called my auntie to pick us up while he was out.\n\n(I know I was supposed to keep that part breif, but when i start, i get going. My bad.)\n\n-----\n\nThe year or so after that were relatively a blur.\n\nAt some point we moved back into the car. We lived in the car for a few months ,? (Take that with a grain of salt because years felt like months so I really dont know the exact time length of how long these things lasted.)\n\nAfter that few months, me and my grandma moved in with my other auntie while my mom stayed in the car because my auntie and her didnt get along and if she did move in, they'd no doubt argue.\n\nAbout three and a half months, (approaching the end of summer break), under unfortunate circumstances, which I will not go into detail about, my auntie had no choice but to let her move into the apartment. \n\nHer delusional behavior wasn't as bad then because she was in the same apartment with her sister.\n\nSoon after that my auntie moved out her apartment and onto my other aunties property, which was just acheres of dessert.\n\nWe lived in a tent on that property for a few months before we finally got our own shed (everyone of the property lived in a relatively big shed.) soon after we got the shed my mom gave birth to my baby sister. She had gotten pregnant by some homeless guy while she was living in the car. Not going into that. Soon after she gave birth, we moved back in... guess where... the car ! Again. What was the reason this time, you ask? Because she thought the guy one of my aunties were dating was the \"guy\" from my step-grandpa's apartment. Yes, the imaginary guy. So we had to move into the car, again, because of her BS.\n\nThe day we left that property was the day the worst years of the life started.\n\nHomeless in the car with a baby, and three people. For two and a half years, in a very hot city, we stayed at churches, gas stations, empty parking lots, and sometimes hotels when we had enough money. Sometime around that, my mom told me my father was dead. i had suspected it, but id still ask when i would be able to see him sometimes. She'd tell me \"soon\" or something. I didn't know he was dead until I was 13. Weeks after that she told me that my dad came to her in a dream with Micheal by his side and said the he'll be back. That happened around the time he passed, like I mentioned before, so I believe thats what started it all.\n\nA year into that, the AC in the car stopped working. Again, in a very hot city, we had no AC. Before the AC went to shit, we were already having issues with our engine or something, so somtimes the car would just stop. It would do that when the gas got too low, i think? Not E. Like the middle. Not the point, but it just shows how selfish she was with two kids and her mother in the car that wasn't even hers but refusing to go back to the property where we had a \"home\" waiting for us. \n\nOne day, our car started stopping again, so we pulled into a church and parked under a tree in the parking lot. The car wouldn't start again after that. Well, it did, but only the engine, so we could only turn the lights on, roll the windows down, and turn on the air at night, the only time it would be somewhat cool, but the car couldn't go long distance at all, probably not even half a mile, but of course we never tested it. Thankfully the church wasn't like some of the other ones we've stayed at and didn't have a problem with us staying here. Yet.\n\nA month into staying there, someone came up to the car. She was nice, just asked us if we were okay and if we needed water and even asked us if we wanted to come inside. Really nice woman. \n\nSometime after that, her and a man came up to the car. He was the pastor. He was really nice too, didn't ask too many questions, just wanted to get to know us.\n\nOne day we helped the lady cook a dinner inside the church, and one time the pastor got us something to eat. And he unlocked the church bathrooms for us, so we could shower and such!\n\nSkip past a month or two from that interaction. \n\nThe church there didn't want us to stay there anymore. Mind you, we weren't loud and we never bothered anyone. But i can understand the churches POV. But the pastor  came up to the car again and said we could stay in the little space on the side of the church where there was a gated patio since no one at the church used it. He even got us two blow-up mattress to sleep on and a couple of blankets. \n\nWe didn't have to use it for long though because he had came by one morning saying that his friend stayed at a place that had a place we could stay in. That same day his friend came by and helped us pack our stuff and get our car towed to the place, since it couldn't drive. \n\nWe got there, moved our stuff into this little one room one bath little house. It was small, but when you've lived in a car for longer than you can think, its luxury. \n\nWe payed rent every month, a very, very low price conidering it was including utilities. \n\nMind you, all the years I'm telling you about, she was still on her paranormal demon and people in our minds BS. ALL those years. Every single day me and my grandma would have to deal with it. \n\nAnyway.\n\nWhile we stayed at this house, my mom put me in therapy for grieving. This will be relevant later on. (Why am I writing as if this is a storytime?? Whatever.)\n\nSomething happened with the landlord of that place, so he was having to sell his property, so everyone had to go. \n\nSoooooo then, instead of going back to the property that still had a house there waiting for us, my mom and grandma started looking for a whole new place to live. Which, i cant be mad at because i wouldn't be where i am now. But anyway. (A lot of anyways' ,sorry)\n\n\nWhile we were looking, my grandma had gotten a call, it was the pastor. He was checking up on us. He was having some health problems, so we prayed with him over the phone. Few days after that, his friend, who also lived there came to tell my grandma that the pastor had pasted away. \n\nDespite not knowing this man for even half a year, it hit us all hard. he did so, so, so much for us in the little time he knew us. He was and is a true angel. \n\nDespite the passing, we still had a deadline for when we had to move out.\n\nWe finally found a place that fit our preferences and needs, my mom and grandma did what you needed to do to buy a house and we moved in, with the help of the pastors friend.\n\nNOWWWW, I can finally get to my problem. Yes, I know, the was a lot already. \n\nWhen we first moved in, it was almost.... fine. She wasn't on her BS. like.. at all. Wasn't mentioning demons or anything. \n\nUntil recently. \n\nA few months ago, when she started BACK on her BS, she was talking to me about demons. Stuff I didn't wanna hear. So, what did i do? I simply told her to stop talking to me about that and that i didnt wanna hear about it. (In this context, she was implying \"people\" were in the house again)\n\nAnd guess how she responded - \n\nA. Like a mother, or a person who simply respects boundaries, and stops, respecting her daughters wishes \n\nOr B. Told me the demons in my mind were rebuking the name of the lord\n\n.... \n\nSpoiler!!! It was B.\n\n I was dealing with this pretty much all my life and this was the first time I told her to stop. And its not like I told her she was crazy, which im very close to doing. All i said is i didnt wanna hear allat. But no, what was i thinking? Pfft... thinking my opinions and boundaries matter... I must be the crazy one. \n\nAnd for further context on that, we had went to the record store and gotten some CD's for my Jenson i have, but when we got home the only album that was in the bag was only the AudioSlave album i picked out, which i had gotten 21 pilots \"Blurryface album\", MCR's \"Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge\" GreenDays \"Dookie\" album and their \"American Idiot\" album, and she thought it was a sign from Jesus because the songs on the AudioSlave album are religious. Are they religious? I do not know but she somehow,  as always, connected it to demons. (Literally as im writing this she just screamed \"leave us the fuck alone! In the name of Jesus I rebuke you! Get the fuck out! Its 4:34 right now.  I have to deal with this weekly, starting to get daily. is it bad that im used to it? Probably.)\n\n\nThen, more recently, two months or so, she sat me down outside and started on her shit. I forget why she sat me down outside that time, but I think it was because I had an attitude that set her off. She asked me why I'm always in my room, why id never talk to her and why i always wanted to talk to my therapist instead of her. I told her it was because she makes me nervous, and that she annoys me. \n\n\nI didnt say it in a mean way, my words weren't meant to hurt her. Its just how she talk and acts. Loud, obnoxious, quite literally childish, and like i said earlier im afraid make certian mannerisms around her, and more in recent years started to be cautious about what i say around her. (my mom takes jokes seriously a lot. She can go from 1 to 100 and take something as small as a sarcastic question to a full blown argument, which is why her and my grandma argue pretty much weekly.) And I'm always around her. Its not like i have a choice. I have no friends, haven't talked to anyone irl my age n years, and my social anxiety is so bad that I refuse to go to clubs. Yes, I know I'm holding myself back, but thats the point.) (If i didnt mention already, i've been homeschooled since the second grade)\n\nShe pretty much told me I was possessed. And that hurt. A lot more than I ever thought something like that would. \n\nAnd even more recently, earlier or last month, she talked to me outside about her BS again, and when i pretty much didnt entertain it, she got mad and said its the demons rebuking the name of Jesus again. \n\nAnd then most recently, last month.\n\nRemember how I said she put me in therapy? Yeah. I went for about a few months before my insurance couldn't cover it anymore. My mom went to the review ( i think thats what its called? Pretty much my therapist told her how i did, how im doing, and if they thought i needed anymore therapy)\n\nA few weeks or so after that she ask me to talk to her outside. Again.\n\nShe started out with a \"(therapist) wants you to write her a letter about what you learned, how she can improve, ect\" then she said, \"how do you think i can improve\"\n\nSo i told her. \n\nTold her about the constant fighting with my grandma and how she cant have a civl conversation like an adult, how she should stop muttering slick stuff about my grandma under her breath, stuff she does almost every week that I was sick and tired off. (I said all of this respectfully, btw.)\n\nThen, I tell her about something that has been bothering me.\n\nA few years ago we were staying at a hotel and she had ask me to make her soup (she was very lazy at the time and never got up to do anything herself) and i think i said something like \"you can make it yourself \" or \"why can't you make it yourself\" \n\nShe heard and started getting me about it and at the end of her rant she had started she says \"if your dad was here, he'd have your ass.\"\n\nI didnt know my dad was dead at the time, and the fact she had said knowing he was and knowing i didnt was just disgusting, in my opinion. \n\nAnd after she told me he passed, it hit harder thinking back at the moment. \n\nSo I told her how much that hurt me. And she said something like \"im sorry, but you have understand, I have to be the mom and the father, and i didnt want you thinking you could talk to me that way and follow down that path,\" pretty much justifying her words. Which whatever, I'm stuck in the middle on that. \n\nShe then goes on with an \"i knew it \u261d\ufe0f\ud83e\udd13\" moment. Said that my therapist told her about my online friends and the shows i liked. \n\nContext - my mom is a strict one. Or was. idk what the fuck anymore. \n\nIll explain:\n\nShe went on to say that she knew that she was right about my therapist because she - we'll call her Rosa - would always be happy to see me and always compliment me. (My mom put me in therapy for grief. Me and  Rosa wouldn't talk about greif. Id brush off my fathers death every time she tried to bring it up because Rosa said it was up to me to bring it up. My father was not around me for long. I dont have a lot of memories of or with him. Of course the death hit me hard, and still does, but the bond he and my mom had was so much stronger than the one me and him had. He was only in my life for a months before he started putting his hands on my mom again, sometimes in front of me. Sooo.. not good memories.) \nBut my mom went on to say that my Rosa told her about my online friends and the shows I liked. That show being Arcane. Now, as I said my mom is strict, but I guess its to a fault now. Now, if you've seen Arcane, you'd know why I would hide that I'm watching that from her. But, this is how she said it, and I quote -  (read this is a corny detective tone because thats how she said it. Going through the moment now makes me wanna barf, i hate it when she uses that tone. Mind you anytime she thinks she's being badass she uses a tone like that. Makes me sick.)\n\n\"But.. she mentioned a particular show... Said you liked it a lot.... hmmhmm.\n\nLike bro, this is NOT a movie. Anyways. \n\nShe couldn't remember what show it was at first, so I lied about two times. First i said SweetTooth (great show btw, 10/10) then MHA, and when i said mha she went\n\n\"That might even been it... wait no... Arcane! That's what it was.\"\n\nMy heart dropped to my feet. \n\nShe goes on to literally interrogate me.\n\nShe said that she thinks Rosa groomed me, and that she's a demon. Not a demon in \"She's a horrible person\" way, but \"the people in your mind\" way. And she said that Rosa was one of the friends online that I made recently (i havent even made any new friends online, she literally just told herself that and went with that.) that ive been talking to about the show.\n\n The funny thing is - i dont talk to anyone online about Arcane. Im in no Arcane communities, at all. the only person i talked to about Arcane was Rosa, in real life.  And as for online friends, the only friends I had were on my nintendo switch on some anime fighting game that i made way, wayyy before i was even put in therapy. \n\nMy mom specifically said \"whatever friend youve made recently.\" Again, I haven't made any new friends since the last time we were in the car, so what are you on about, buddy? And when i told her the exact time i made the friends that i had, didnt even lie, because the truth would get me OUT of her stupid conspiracies, but what did she say in response to it? That i was lying. Because I was crying. She said I \"always cry when i get defensive or to take the attention off the situation.\" She's aid this multiple times btw.\n\n(Im one of those people who cry in arguments or when they're overwhelmed in general. And this wasnt the first time shes told me that my reactions and emotions are fake. Shes always disregarding my feelings.)\n\nAnd we pretty much went on hours with a back in forth of me telling her the truth and her telling me I was lying in her face. She finally gave up at about four in the morning, maybe 5 in the morning, ending the argument pretty much telling me to cut out my attitude or she'll take my devices away and to stop talking to whoever im talking to online that i wasnt telling her about, and if she suspects i haven't, she'll \"call somone.\" (We started arguing at like 11 or 12 I'm pretty sure.)\n\nIdk what she meant by \"call someone.\" She doesn't know anyone. She has no job. No friends. And all the family shoes close to she's pushed further and further away over the years.\n\n(And the friend i \"wasn't telling her about\" doesn't exist. And she even acknowledged the fact that my story and explanation added up. I told her about all the online friends i had, when I met them, how we became friends, how old they were and who met who through who. \n\nWhen I got done explaining, she said \"what was that one name you said?\" I go over all my friends names AGAIN. And guess what she does. \n\nShe tells ME that IIIII said another name! she straight up tried to gaslight me into admitting to something I didnt even say.) \n\n\n\n\nThe \"demon\" stuff got even worse after that. Shes been yelling more and saying more BS.\n\n\n A few weeks ago, she started saying shit about people talking in my mind again and when i told her that i wanted to set a boundary, telling her to stop involving me in her delusions, she said that I'm not allowed to set boundaries and that \"I'm just a child\"  and that \"i dont understand\"\n\nThen stop talking to me about it??? Like bro, just take me out the game already. \n\n\n\nNot even three hours ago,  I texted her, asking if she wanted to go do anything sometime this week. She replies, we go over stuff we wanna do. My dog needed to go outside, so i told her id be right back because he had to go outside. She told me to be careful. Im going to quote the rest of the conversation from there.\n\n\n\nMe\n\"No, I'm not staying out there with him. Im just letting you know that im letting him outside\"\n\nHer\n\"Alright, dont leave him out there too long.. (my sister's name) seen a monster earlier.\"\n\nMe\n\"What, mom.\"\n\nHer\n\"Im serious\"\n\nMe\n\"Okay. Im asking you to explain. Please.\"\n\n\nHer\n\"The monster?\" Durr duh durr Sherlock. \ud83d\ude00\n\nMe\n\"Yes.\"\n\nHer\n\"She was playing outside by the fence and ran back scared and pointed where she seen it and said \nAMONSSSER! Then she went around playing again and seen it again. She then was running and she just fell and literally almost cracked her head on the pathway. She fell so hard, luckily she didnt get hurt as bad as it could have been\" my sister is fine btw.\n\nMe\n\"And where did she learn the word \"monster\"?\"\n\nHer\n\"From YT kids\"\n\nMe\n\"Okay\"\n\nHer\n\"Halloween songs...\"\n\"But yeah, the dogs seen something too\"\n\nMe\n\"And they did what?\"\n\nHer\n\"Smelled the fence and tonight they were barking and jumping on the door to get inside\" \n\"Lala literally doo-doo on herself\"  I was outside at this time, so idk if shes exaggerated this or not. She usually does. And Lala is one of our dogs if that wasnt clear.\n\nMe\n\"And what are you gonna do from here on out?\"\n\nHer\n\"Thank Good God Almighty\"\n\nI stop texting atp, but ofc she goes on.\n\nHer\n\"Just be aware of your surroundings, (my name).\nEverything is fine. But if you see something, hear something, or feel funky... say something. \nWhatever she seen, wasn't make believe.\nAnd if your stomach starts to cramp out of nowhere and you feel ill, say something. \nBut whatever it was - God knows all about it, and he is stronger than anyone can fathom.\" (She says stuff like this all the time)\n\n\n\n\n\nTell me what you think, your opinions, and any advice, or suggestions. ANYTHING.\n\nPlease, please, please feel free to ask any questions, id be more than happy to answer them.\n\n This is my second time post on reddit, so if anything is wrong or something, my bad, im still figuring it out. So, so sorry it was so so long. Thank you for reading if you did ! \u2661\n\n(This is all copied and pasted from a post i made in another subreddit a few weeks ago, last month maybe (?) Since then the delusions or wtv have gotten so, so much worse.)\n\nSmall update (?) If anyone cares because im not making a whole other post abt this when this one isnt even getting any replies - 26th of Nov\n\nShe just gave me a small bottle of Tabasco sauce and said \"it keeps the monsters away,\" and she also thinks my grandmas bird is possessed or something, and now my grandma believes it. I feel like I'm living in an asylum because wth. And it isnt even a good Tabasco, bro.\n\n\n\nUpdate #2, dec 5. So, she's been getting even worse. This is honestly the worst she had ever been. On her bull ALL November and now, December. I've just been blocking her out recently, but ts is hard as hell. Its worse than the people who are adamant that aliens are real. You know that grandma front Ant Hill or whatever? That's literally what its like with her, but its imaginary people and stuff. Oh, and she thinks my grandmas bird is possessed by those \"people.\" She started thinking that in November. \n\nToday was probably the worst. Had to interact with the patient more than usual. She was \"normal,\" or as normal as she can be during the start of the day, but of course, it didn't last long. I blocked out most of it, but again, the patient and I have to interact. This evening, she came into my room and swiped something on my bonnet and the wall by my desk. I asked what it was, and all she said was that she was \"giving me my crown back.\" Bro, sybau.\n\n A few minutes ago, I got up for something and noticed something on my wall. I thought it was Tabasco at first, but I touched it, and it was caramel. Genuinely, wth is her problem??? Anyways. Just a few minutes after that, I hear my grandma crying in the living room, so I went out to see why. \n\nShe was sitting on the couch, on the phone. I assumed it was my aunt, but I asked quietly who it was and she pointed at my moms room, which is literally RIGHT by the living room. Im like whatever, because this is normal. Well, not the crying on the phone thing, but the crying over her imaginary BS thing. So, I take my ass back in my room. A few minutes later, I hear her literally wailing. So, I text her. I will proceed to copy the conversation from here. \n\n\n\n\nMe: wth is her problem now?\n\nMy grandma: They trying to kill us\n\nMe: and you believe that???\nYou genuinely need to stop taking her word for everything. \n\nHer: YES (I assume she only seen the first message.)\n\nMe: I'm not saying completely dismiss it. Im just saying to keep an opened mind.\n\nHer: i do\n\nMe: You know this will never stop, right? She's crazy, and im not even saying that to be mean. She's genuinely mentally ill. Her brain wont let this go away. What have we learned over the years? It never stops.\n\nI continue:  especially without professional help, which she refuses to use. She's doing this to herself, and now its getting to you.\n\nIts not fair. She's not fair to you, me, [my little sisters name,] nor herself.\n\nHer: She is telling the truth\n\n----\n\nI end the conversation there, just saying whatever and that I love her.\n\nWell, thats update 2. There will probably be another one later on or something. Christmas is gonna be soooo bad this year, I can tell. But it is what it is, right? I NEED to get back into therapy. Only being able to talk to myself is so fucking difficult. Teenage years aren't even worth ts. And even if I did get into therapy, I couldn't even really speak my mind because all I can think about is kms. Im sick and tired of being sick and tired. But, I'll end it here. I dont wanna vent on fuckass reddit, lol. \n\nThanks for reading, if you did! \n\n\n",
+      "timestamp": 1763867522.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 0
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1nd74qc",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Broken Mother/Daughter Relationship",
+      "sub": "Advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1nd74qc/broken_motherdaughter_relationship/",
+      "content": "So, I need advice on what to do going forward with my mother. I have some specific things I need advice on, but I think I need a while to organize my thoughts. This may be a long post, so I'm really sorry about that. I just hope SOMEONE reads it because I need help, big time! There's just a lot, and I don't really know where to start. I'm changing some identifying information and this is a throwaway account, but other than that everything is as how I perceive it. \n\nTL;DR version of the story is that over the past 3 years or so, my mom has really changed. We used to have a great relationship. She had me at a young age so we were always able to connect well. I remember when I was little she was a great mom and my dad was a great dad, and despite some roadblocks which I'll get into later, even throughout my high school years and undergrad we were very close. But recently she's changed, becoming increasingly immature, and she's started dating someone whom I really hate. This has really driven us apart. I miss the person my mom used to be. I still love her, but I've grown to hate her, too, and it breaks my heart. I don't know how to fix our relationship. (Also, it wouldn't fix everything, but I wish her boyfriend would disappear into a black hole, never to return). Um, I've included my specific questions for advice like 19 paragraphs below, where it says SPECIFIC ADVICE QUESTIONS HERE...(sorry, I didn't realize how long this was going to be). I would really appreciate if anyone could read this and give me advice, but I know it's super long. Please lmk if I did something wrong, I hope I'm not breaking any rules here, I'm just desperate. \n\n\\[BACKSTORY\\] I graduated undergrad during covid and I really didn't know what to do with myself. I had always wanted to travel the world and I was really interested in foreign policy, but obviously, a lot of those programs were shut down. So I stayed at home, worked part time min wage for a while, took an online TEFL program so that I could eventually teach English abroad if I wanted to. I ended up subbing at my old school because that paid way more than my min wage job, and I later ended up landing a long-term sub position. In my state, you need to be certified to teach and get a master's to teach, so I was in this probationary period of working full time and getting my Master's and it was honestly one of the hardest times of my life. I mention this because this is when I started noticing her changing. \n\n\\[Context\\] So, while I was in middle school, she and my dad separated for a number of reasons, chief among them that she wanted more kids and he never did (especially because we could not afford to have more kids). She dated this one guy, who I liked a lot, but he was infertile. So she started dating another guy, I'll call him Pete. Now, I thought Pete was fine -- he was nice enough -- but I did think it was a weird choice at the time because I didn't 100% get the appeal. My brother Tim, on the other hand, HATED Pete with a vengeance. But after a short period of time, my mom did end up getting pregnant with Pete's baby (allegedly accidentally). Fast forward a couple of years (my HS senior year) she and Pete have another baby together\\*\\*. \n\nBack to my long-term sub year, she and Pete had been together for approx. 7-8 years, but they never slept in the same room because he snores really loudly (and probably more to it than that). This is when she starts to get super anti-Pete. She's always told me way more than is appropriate, and this held true that year. She told me that Pete gave her the ick, that he's disgusting, that she never wanted to move in with him but felt like she had no choice, that Pete was emotionally abusive, etc. \\[Pete does have anger management issues and has been seeing a therapist. She also has been seeing a therapist for a decade, and I swear that woman must be completely incompetent because my mom has only ever gotten worse. From my perspective, it's possible that Pete was emotionally abusive, but I think another huge problem is that they both take things way too personally, small comments turn into big arguments about nonsense\\]. So she started acting really freaking immature around Pete -- she would flip him off whenever his back was turned, she would mutter comments about him \"under her breath\" but still audible enough for anyone in the room. This was all new behavior. She had never done anything quite so callous to my knowledge. This made me extremely uncomfortable. It was not a good home environment. And this lasted for y e a r s. She started mentioning how she found this guy at the gym really cute, which was weird to me because she and Pete were still together at this time, even though she hated him. \\[Also, the guy was not attractive at all, he looked like a damn Hobbit\\]. She just would not communicate how she felt with Pete. So that made me feel bad for Pete, and I felt weird spending time with him. Pete noticed that she was acting weird, but I don't think he knew the full extent of it. During this time, she was also spending more time with her friends, and staying out super late, sometimes on work nights, which had never happened before. I was glad that she was making more time for friends, because she had never taken much time for herself outside of being a mom \\[except at the gym\\] but I honestly don't think these friends were/are good influences. Regardless, she was afraid of how Pete would react when she told him she wanted to separate, but finally last year she bit the bullet and told him she wanted him to move out. I think he was relieved, honestly. \n\nImmediately, she starts dating this other guy. Like, before Pete even moves out, and she asks me to keep it a secret because she's afraid of how Pete will react. She only told Pete about her new man, we'll call him Dipshit, after Pete moved out and he was totally fine with it. Like, could not have cared LESS, and I think she was irritated by this. She pretended to be relieved, but I think it really drove her nuts that he didn't care at all. (Just conjecture, of course). \n\nOn the other hand, I completely fucking hate Dipshit (if the name didn't make it clear, lol). This man is a gung-ho MAGA Trump supporter. We live in a blue state, in a fairly blue area. My immediate family is all liberal, except for my idiot younger brother whom I'm closest to in age, Tim (not one of the babies). I happened upon Dipshit's Facebook because he popped up in my suggested friends and one of his only posts is MAGA 2020 \\[State Name\\].  \n\nThis infuriates me. Any remaining respect for her that I had had dwindled to a pinprick, and after tonight, it's completely gone. I don't understand how anyone could date someone with such different, completely contrasting values. Why would you WANT to date someone who believes in the fundamentally opposite way to you? He's anti-abortion, she's pro-choice. She and I both work in public schools, for fuck's sake. Her job is a GRANT-FUNDED POSITION. \n\nNow, in my extended family, there are unfortunately a lot of MAGAts. She thinks it's hypocritical of me to still spend time with my MAGA family members, and maybe it is, honestly. But my thing is, I can't choose my family members. YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND. \n\nShe must have searched him out, because she found him on Facebook. He was my grandma's old lawn guy. She told me it was supposed to be \"just for fun\" but she ended up \"falling in love.\" She's never met /anyone/ so nice before. He doesn't criticize her, but just accepts her for who she is...(except for her political values, I guess? But they don't talk about that!) Yeah, he's so nice, except his voting record means he doesn't care about immigrants, POC, the LGBTQ community, the disabled community, healthcare, Jewish people, Muslim people, stability for our country, common decency and respect...I could go on.\n\nThe thing that pisses me off is that she'll always confront my grandpa or my brother about their beliefs (as she should, because they are questionable fucking beliefs) but apparently she and Dipshit won't talk politics together? So how can you go from berating our family members about their idiotic beliefs, to just being totally and completely okay with Dipshit? \n\nI finally understand how Tim felt about Pete. I hate Dipshit so much. It feels like a blow to everything my mom and I have been through together. I now understand so much of why Tim is the way he is, because that whole thing with Pete happened when he was way younger. I can't imagine how it would feel for a child to have their mom actively choosing some doofy guy over respecting your feelings and needs. \n\nShe doesn't \"why I can't just be happy for her\" and why I'm being so \"immature\" about this. One time she kept pushing me and pushing me about it, when I said I didn't want to talk about it, so of course I exploded and had to leave to calm myself down. She asked me once what I would do if she and Dipshit ever got married, and I didn't tell her, but we would be done. Our relationship is pretty much already ruined, but that would really do it. I would only ever talk to her to get in touch with my little siblings. Beyond that, she is nothing to me. And that really hurts. Because I do love her. I love spending time with her, when she's acting normal. And I miss the way that she used to be. I don't know what happened to her over the past few years, but she's been acting increasingly immature. \n\nSome of you may think I'm being unfair about the politics thing, but even if I disregard his politics, there are so many red flags. First and foremost to me, I think he is a bad influence for my little siblings. They have spent time with him and he buys their love. Dipshit is more financially secure than my mother's other romantic entanglements (which must be a part of the allure -- that and his \"really nice family\"), so he can afford to take them to the movies and not only buy popcorn but the crazy popcorn buckets and soda, which they're usually not allowed to drink. He buys them shit from Gamestop and comic books. Ok, this doesn't sound too bad, it sounds like he's just treating them really nicely, right? Uh uh. He gave them a TV for their bedroom. When Tim and I were little, my mom never would have let us have a TV in our room. Developmentally, it's not appropriate for them. I think it's especially detrimental, as one of my siblings has ADHD and the other one is very little. They watch YouTube on there without any fucking supervision, despite my warnings about how that's really bad because YouTube is not monitored well. Not only did he give them a TV but he gave them a PS4. And the games on the PS4 that he gave them included FALLOUT and MORTAL KOMBAT XL. These games are NOT appropriate for children their age. And I'm saying that as someone who really enjoys Mortal Kombat myself. When they visited him, they played fucking Grand Theft Auto with him. I told my mom that MK XL wasn't appropriate for them, so imagine my surprise when I found it on their shelf. Then /I/ had to be the bad guy and take it away. This fucking manipulation...\n\nThey are also really obsessed with each other. Unhealthily so. He calls her multiple times a day. When we were on vacation together with my grandparents, she was on the phone with him no less than three times a day. He calls her at night, even though she tells me she needs to go to bed early for work...then I hear them yapping on the phone. Right. He constantly monopolizes her time. I think he's separating her from the family. She's enamored with his family, because they're so \\~supportive\\~ and they always make sure to have vegan options for her, when \"our family usually doesn't\" (even though my grandma always makes sure to have something she can fucking eat). She hasn't spoken to my extended family since we went on our trip, and that was weeks ago...my grandma's birthday is coming up very soon, and she hasn't said anything? My grandpa has had some major medical issues, and she hasn't checked on him since we saw him? She's completely obsessed with this guy, and it's not healthy. She's acting like a teenager with him. \n\nAnother red flag is that he is trying to change her. One time, we were at dinner with my grandparents. My grandpa (her dad) is a Trump supporter. (I love him a lot but I am very disappointed about this. I think he is brainwashed by Fox News and social media, because he had been a lifelong democrat before, and now he's constantly spouting Fox News' bullshit). So I think she told this story to connect to my grandpa and be funny. Dipshit said something about how he thinks she's secretly a conservative, and if she's not, she will be soon. Wouldn't you think that would be a bad sign? I don't know. If I were a conservative woman and a liberal man told me that he was going to \"change me,\" that would be a pretty big fucking turnoff. Anyways, it did not help connect to her dad. No one in my extended family is interested in Dipshit because (1) this whole ordeal has been ridiculous for all of us and (2) he hasn't tried to connect to them in any way. My mom invited Dipshit to Tim's grad party and she paraded him around like a prize, but he didn't like, talk to anyone. They went on a hike together and then they all left the party early. So my grandma, grandpa (out of hip surgery) Tim's friends, and I were the only ones left to help Tim clean up after the party. \n\nAnd, not for nothing, but she wanted my little siblings so badly that it was the final straw between her and my father, but now she barely fucking pays tries with them. Since I'm still living at home, I try to spend time with them when I can, but when I'm finally out of this hellhole, what's going to happen to them? I love my siblings more than anything. I wish I could just take them with me, honestly. I think I would do a better job of raising them than her or Pete, because they're just on fucking screens 90% of the time, because I guess that's easier than trying to do literally anything else. Maybe they'll go to the playground for twenty minutes. Maybe. But it shouldn't be my job to take care of them, and I should be entitled to my own life, and I tell myself that but it breaks my heart when they're watching random shit on YouTube and I try to step in but it doesn't mean anything because they'll just do it when I'm gone. \n\nAnyways. What was also irritating for me was that Dipshit was trying to buy my acceptance, too, as if I were a child or a dog that you could make complacent by just giving them a little treat. I like Mortal Kombat? Ok, he'll make me an MK 3D printed piece of crap, and then I'll forgive him for supporting Trump, right? I told her REPEATEDLY I wasn't interested in getting anything from him. My favorite singer is Ozzy Osbourne and she told me she had some Ozzy merch for me from Dipshit. I told her I was not interested. Well, she fucking hid the merch in my room on the shelf behind my TV. It's such a violation of my space. And of course part of me wants the merch, because I fucking love Ozzy and he hadn't been doing well at the time (and of course he has recently passed away), and I wanted so badly to just throw the merch at her and tell her to get fucking rid of it but I just couldn't do it and I'm so mad at myself for that. But now that merch is tainted anyway by Dipshit and I feel ashamed whenever I look at it. I did tell her to never fucking do it again. And it looks like Dipshit has definitely stopped trying -- my bro Tim and I got back from a weekend trip on Sunday and Dipshit was there. He said hi to Tim but not me, lol. (Tim is ok with Dipshit because he's the kind of guy that will do anything for a free meal and free crap, which he's already benefited from Dipshit-- he gave him a TV for his apartment and helped Tim move things in his truck). \n\nI've been so unhappy for a really long time. I miss the way my mom used to be. I do want her to be happy -- just not with this guy. My extended family thinks she needs psychiatric help. They're seeing similar patterns between my mom and my mom's mom. The ironic thing is, my mom hates her mom. She told me that if she ever started acting like her mom, that I should tell her. But if I told her now, she would just say that I'm saying that because I hate Dipshit, and she would get all defensive. MULTIPLE people on many sides of my family have noticed that she's acting more like her mother. I was hoping to gather evidence and write her a thoughtful and sympathetic letter, maybe for us to seek family therapy. But I hadn't been able to bring myself to do so, because the feelings are so overwhelming. In fact, I had been wanting to make a Reddit post about this for weeks now, but couldn't bring myself to do it until tonight. Because tonight there was an incident I can't look past. And it's SO late on a work night but I need to just get this out because I am so upset. \n\nMy mom went to a concert with Dipshit tonight, a concert that had been rescheduled for a Tuesday night. She asked Pete to come watch the kids. On Tuesday nights, I usually go to an exercise class, but I got my period yesterday and I've been feeling ill as a result. I was also distressed because I lost something that I need for Thursday, so I thought I would stay home and look for the item. Pete decided to leave around 8:45 because I was home and he didn't want to deal with my mom. The problem is, my room is in the basement (yes, I am the mid20s-living-in-a-basement problem-child, but I really want to save for a house. I paid off all of my student loans literally yesterday evening, so I was hoping I could stay at home one more year and save for a house. But I don't know how much more of this I can take)...my room is in the basement, and the kids are upstairs. So I had read to them earlier (\\*and, by the way, I had to be the bad guy once again and take the computer away from the littlest one, because apparently Pete is incapable of enforcing screen time accountability -- the littlest one had a fit, freaked out, and then not ten minutes later asked me to read a bedtime story, which I did because if nothing else then I hope to the universe that I can instill a love of reading in these kids\\*), then went to look for the item. I went back upstairs, checked on them, and they were asleep. Great. Had dinner, left the dishes in the sink for later, and went to look for the item some more. Got overwhelmed and overtired, so I went upstairs to the couch. I figured I could rest there for 20 minutes, keep an ear out for the little ones, and then continue looking. Well, I had set a timer, but I couldn't get up -- I was so tired that I snoozed it and fell asleep for real. \n\nI wake up to her calling me a cunt and a bitch and she's aggressively doing the dishes in the kitchen. I know she's upset because I accidentally left dishes in the sink last night, too -- I didn't mean to do it, I literally couldn't keep my eyes open. But that instance I had fallen asleep in my own room. This time, I was in the living room, and I would have to get up eventually to get ready for bed, and I would have done the dishes myself when that happened. But she had gotten home and was doing the dishes and calling me these nasty things. She called me a cunt, a bitch, that she wants this bitch out of the house, and said that she was embarrassed to have me as a daughter. Embarrassed to have me as a daughter...by all accounts, despite living at home, I've been pretty successful in my life. I have a full time job, I have good friends, I participate in hobbies, I help take care of my brothers, I have a paid off car, I've paid off my student loans. I know she's saying that because she's embarrassed that I won't accept Dipshit or his family. But I will never accept them, and I've made perfectly clear to her why. Our values do not align. He is a bad influence. If she wants to choose her MAGAt boyfriend over me, that's fine, but I'm not crawling back when she gets tired of him in five years. We are done. Done done done. \n\nI try to keep it together, make it like I had just woken up to her ranting and raving (which is similar to how she would rant about Pete behind his back, by the way, eerily similar). But I can't help myself. I was like, \"embarrassed to have me as a daughter, huh? You're saying that because of Dipshit, right?\" And then she goes on to say how she doesn't understand why I'm being so immature about this. I tell her to ask anyone else and then see who the immature one is \\[-- hint, it's the one who goes to late concerts on weeknights, the one who gets her nails done for hours at a time on weeknights and uses me as the babysitter in exchange for living at home for free, so when \"this bitch\" leaves the home, what the fuck is she going to fucking do then, huh? Maybe move in with Dipshit, but I don't know...she talks a big game about wanting to buy the house that we rent, and Dipshit's neighborhood is in a pretty bad school district compared to ours, but Dipshit doesn't want to leave his home. That might be a problem for her.\\] Then I say, \"You called me a cunt? How dare you? How dare you? I'm your daughter!\" (Keep in mind that I rarely swear in front of my family -- I feel so uncomfortable doing so). Then she tries apologizing and I'm like \"I don't want to hear it right now! I don't want to hear it!\" I go downstairs and she follows me down there /anyway/, despite my wishes, and tries to explain herself but I don't think there really is an excuse for calling your own daughter a cunt, no matter how tired you are. For what it's worth, I'm sorry I didn't do the goddamn dishes, I guess I really should have done them as soon as I finished. I was a little distracted. But if you're so tired and burned out by work, maybe you shouldn't go to a Tuesday night concert, even if the tickets were \"already paid for.\" Maybe you should have just cut your losses, or seen if you could have sold them and done something else. \n\nSPECIFIC ADVICE QUESTIONS HERE So, yeah. These incidents have made me really revisit my childhood and question my relationship with my family over the years. There's stuff here that I didn't even get into, despite this post being novel-length. I just feel so lost. I know I need therapy (probably several years worth, lol) so that's on the list. I also know that I should move out. This is not a healthy environment for me. But financially, it would be so great to stay for just one more year. I already have a lot saved, and I would prefer to have a house over renting because that's just throwing your money away. What do you think? Should I stick it out and save money? GTF out of dodge? What should I do about my mom? What about my siblings? \n\nIf you read all of this, thank you. I hope I don't come off too crazy, it is so late and I am really upset and tired and I still haven't found that item I need so, really just not enjoying myself here! \n\n\n\n\\*\\*I was really upset about this, because she didn't tell me until after I had accepted a position at college, and that whole ordeal was disappointing enough already because I ONLY got into my safety school. I was one of those high-achieving nerds who was just Not Quite Good Enough, and not financially stable enough either, so the school I was going to was far from my first choice, but it wasn't a state school because I had wanted to get away and be independent. Knowing that she was going to have another baby while I was gone was devastating to me, (1) because I felt like I was being replaced, and (2) because I wouldn't even get to know this kid. I would be out of the house, out of their life, just some abstract figure. As a result, I transferred home to a state school after my freshman year, and good thing I did because Covid started and I would have had to gone home anyway AND I saved SO MUCH MONEY and graduated early and blah blah a lot of good came out of transferring home but yeah, that was really frustrating. She was like, \"well how come you didn't notice I was getting bigger?\" And the thing was I did notice she was getting rounder but I never said anything because she has ALWAYS had body image issues and I didn't want to trigger anything. Anyway...",
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+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1l61qtk",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I love my brother, but I don't know if I should cut him off for both our sakes, even if I don't want to.",
+      "sub": "Advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1l61qtk/i_love_my_brother_but_i_dont_know_if_i_should_cut/",
+      "content": "Hi Reddit, I guess I\u2019m looking for advice or just someone to help me understand what\u2019s going on. I\u2019ve been crying a lot about this and I feel so lost.\n\nI\u2019m 18F, and my older brother used to be my go-to person for everything. We didn\u2019t always get along, we fought a lot as kids, but I made the effort to improve things and over time we became close. Honestly, he\u2019s my favorite person in the world. Some people are close to their mom or dad, but for me, it was always my brother. Or it used to be.\n\nWe come from a very emotionally heavy household. It's stressful to live in that house. I'm currently still living there.\n\nI\u2019ve started pulling away from them for my own mental health, but my brother stayed close to them, maybe as a way to cope. That difference in how we deal with our parents is probably where the shift between us started.\n\nWe\u2019ve fought more this year than ever before. Every time, it\u2019s about them. I feel like I\u2019m always the one trying to keep the peace, avoid conflict, and avoid dumping anything on him. I try to keep things light. But no matter what I say, I feel like I\u2019m too much. Like I'm yet another family member dumping her problems on him, or talking to him about crap he doesn't care for.\n\nIt doesn't help that I know my parents complain about me a lot to him, and I feel that's affected his perception of me in a very negative way.\n\nThe other day, we had what I consider our biggest fall out, we have these once in a while, as is my family's tradition, and no. I'm not kidding. It is emotionally EXHAUSTING but we have a giant emotional breakdown at least once a year. Or well, my parents often do, and my brother and I follow suit by arguing about it and how each other handled it.\n\nThree years ago it was his guilt of leaving me behind in the house which manifested in ways I can't talk about or I start to cry.\n\nHalf a year ago now it was the dysfunctional dynamic between my parents and I, and how my parents mistreat me, but also how I refuse to speak to them.\n\nNow a couple weeks ago it was the fact that I mistreat my parents and while he wants me to be happy, he thinks that I'm cruel for wanting them out of my life, basically. That's as objective as I can get without overthinking or speculating.\n\nWhat hurts the most is that I try so hard not to stress him out. I avoid venting nowadays best I can. I try to speak about our parents in neutral or even positive ways, even though I feel deeply uncomfortable around them. I\u2019ve made all these quiet adjustments to make things easier for him, but it never feels enough.\n\nNow I\u2019m at a place where I honestly feel like he\u2019d be happier if I just left him alone. Like I\u2019m just another weight on his shoulders.\n\nI\u2019m not asking him to fix anything or choose me over our parents. I just want to feel wanted in his life again. Not pitied. Not tolerated. I stress to him CONSTANTLY how I'm so sorry he's been put in the middle man position, that it's unfair, that I want him to tell me what HE wants, which he insists is irrelevant and it hurts. It hurts to see this.\n\nI don't know how to formulate my thoughts coherently.\n\nI love him, but I don\u2019t know what he wants from me. Mom and Dad made things hard for us, and he copes by staying close to them. I understand that, I really do. He wants a family.\n\nBut when he acts like they haven't done all those shitty things, when he copes by being in denial, it feels like he's denying my pain, too. And I know that's easier, but it hurts.\n\nFor someone who's told me 'I can't just run away from them like you're trying to do' who's told me we need to communicate to fix our problems- \n\nwhy don't our parents get the same expectations? I know it's selfish, but why does my mother get to get away with pulling my hair as a child whenever she got mad, or throwing something at my head, or telling me that she knew I wanted to end her life and how when she offed herself or left we wouldn't care? Why does my father get away with belittling me in front of other people, calling me stupid, calling me incompetent, making me feel stupid for being a woman, making me feel less than, screaming at me because I forgot to wash some damn dishes, SHOUTING at us in the middle of the grocery store, saying if he could hit me he would?\n\nWhy do they get to get away with ALL of that but the daughter is the villain because she wants some god damn space from them, from the two fifty year olds who are emotionally eight and yet get offended when I beg them to go to therapy or separate because it's so clear they hate eachother?\n\nAnd that's me omitting the crap they've done to HIM.\n\nI\u2019m not just someone he can check in on when it\u2019s convenient. I ran to him because I had no one else. I\u2019m sorry if that made me selfish. I know I can be too much sometimes, but I\u2019m trying. I really am.\n\nI just want to be happy, and I want to know that he thinks I deserve that. Not just to hear him say it, but to actually feel like he means it. I want to matter to him. I want to be someone he *wants* in his life\u2014not because he feels guilty, not because of that obligation our parents have drilled into us that 'you don't abandon family no matter how hard it gets'\u2014but because I make him happy. Because he wants me around.\n\nI want to be his friend. He was mine for a little while, when I felt I had nobody else, he was the only real friend I had.\n\nI guess I just miss that.   \n\nI don't know. We've talked, and I don't wanna jump to cutting him out of my life.. but I'm about to go off to college. And I guess I don't know how to keep him in my life without feeling like, yet again, I'm another family member forcing him to stay. Forcing him to listen to crap he doesn't care about.\n\nIt makes me angry. I admit it, it pisses me off. I never used to get annoyed at him, but now it feels so desperate, like he wants his whole family together and I'm so fucking sorry for being the one to tear it apart but I can't live in his fantasy.\n\nI want him to be a part of my life. MY life. Not our family's life, and I certainly don't want whatever people pleaser conflict resolver middle man yes man everyone wants him to be, I want him to be HIMSELF.\n\n..but I also want him to want me around, too. The real me.\n\nI don't know. I just want someone to look out for my older brother, but maybe that's not me.\n\nI'm sorry. I really don't have anywhere else to ask, and I can't do it without the context I feel like, so if anyone has any thoughts I would appreciate it. Even if not, I hope you guys have a nice day.",
+      "timestamp": 1749350181.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 2
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1g60iqb",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "How do I f35 deal with my mom f56?",
+      "sub": "Advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1g60iqb/how_do_i_f35_deal_with_my_mom_f56/",
+      "content": "\nThis is gonna be a long story but I wanna give you as much of the picture as possible.  I don\u2019t know if my mom has my best interests at heart. I feel thorned between loving my mom and being angry at her. And I felt this way for years.  Not sure if I can forgive if I have to go low contact or what. I don\u2019t know if should trust her.  My psychiatrist are unsure if I have borderline or just adhd plus cptsd and I have always felt so unsure and insecure not knowing what to believe. I don\u2019t know if I can trust my fellings or if i am overreacting ect. So i need some opinions here.\n\nBack in 2018 I got engaged. I broke the news to my mom. She waited a few days then tells me that she can\u2019t be in the same wedding as my dad. When I pushed for an explanation why she said it was because my dad r*ped her and I am the result. I confronted my dad and he denied it. My moms story explains why my dad (m58) was distant during my upbringing. He did have me some weekends and holidays but wasn\u2019t there that much and also explains  why cooperating and coparenting was so hard for my parents.  I was still was mad at mom for choosing this moment and time to tell me. Telling me earlier would have explained a lot more. Now a part of me, and I feel bad for this because I didn\u2019t want to disbelieve her, thought seemed like my mom was doing this because she wanted to ruin my wedding? Again I felt guilty for thinking it. \n\nMy grandma , my dad\u2019s mom who don\u2019t know what mom have accused him of, she told me that my mom had been much in love with my dad but maybe he didn\u2019t love her back. I have wondered if my grandma thought mom was  tried to baby-trap dad by having me. This is all speculation but I do not put it beneath my dad that he could let my mom who was in love with him along just to get some and then dump her. And so my mom felt used, and rightly so, but thats not rape. In fact my dad told me that he got a new girlfriend kinda immediate after my mom. He said he broke up with my mom December 1th and had a new girlfriend New Year\u2019s Eve. I am born in late august so I must have been conceived like right around the breakup. Oh and also when I didn\u2019t react like my mom wanted upon she telling me about the rape she said her mother had told her the same ting about her father , meaning my mom also was a result of rape, and mom said that  she reacted in a much different (mening better) way because she was supporting my grandma. After my mom told me about the rape I told her I needed time by my self. She did not respect or understand that even when I try to tell her I wasn\u2019t going no contact, i said to her it wasent me never speaking to her again I just needed some space. She couldn\u2019t handle it. She was calling more than before and also calling my fianc\u00e9.\n\nMy mom and stepdad (m58) was heavily against me doing therapy and mom was after massive asking and beeing unwilling coming with me to my therapist. Mom was all on the defensive and it did not work out well.  \n\nGrowing up my mom and stepdad could not be around my dad. Meaning no Christmas,  graduation or birthday did I get to have both my parents there.  I was wishing selveral times on these ocations to invite booth sides of my family but my mom and stepdad denied me. My parents did not talk to each other at all.\n\n I was born to young parents who had broken up before I was born.  My mom was just 20 when she got pregnant. My dad have previously  told me mom told him she was pregnant when she was 3 months pregnant ( that is also the abortion limit here where I live l) Only time I know my parents has been in the the same room after I was born was my baptaising when I was 4 months old. I only know that because grandma have the pictures to prove it or I wouldn\u2019t have believed it. \n\nStepdad ask me at a really young age why I didnt  call him dad . I remember being confused because surely stepdad knew that I had a dad? And no he did not ask if he cold be my dad too just why I did not call him dad. As an adult I learnt mom and stepdad  had asked my dad to let my stepdad adopt me and dad said no. \n\nAnyway my mom have hugged me once that I can remember during my upbringing. I did not feelt loved by any of my parents or stepparents. Dident feel safe. Where my halfbrother had his own room my \u201croom\u201d was also stepdads office and storage. I identified heavily with Harry Potter sleeping in the broom closet. My other favourite childhood book was Mathilda by Roald Dahl who I also identified with.\n\nWhen I was 12 my stepdad and mom took me to sail around the world for a year . They never asked my dad. I was according to my dad the one to break the news to him that I was leaving the country for a year. My dad also left the country then and was gone for years after we got back so I felt like he abandoned me aswell. I was visiting him abroad but still rarely.\n\nThings I got from my dad mysteriously dissaperd at my mom\u2019s house. Yet my brother got a lot more than me of material stuff because I got things from my dad. My brother had a big soft bed I sleepy on a hard old couch. When I was 13 the \u00abfamily\u00bb ( meaning mom, stepdad, half-brother and I) moved house I wasent allowed to bring a drawer I got from my grandma on my dad\u2019s side. My stepdad denied me..Stepdad also borrowed my radio to listen to as he paint in the new house at this time and I never got it back. I was 13. My stepdad and mom had that new house built but I still had office and storage in \u00abmy\u00bb room that didn\u2019t really felt like mine just like in the old house.\n\nTo mom\u2019s defence she was an alone with her parents living far away when I was born and she was 21. Mom met stepdad when i was 8 months.  When I was 3 years old my halfbrother was born and he was really sick and in and out of hospital for years and we thought he might die. I know my mom have trauma from her upbringing aswell. I didn\u2019t know my grandpa well but both my mom and her mother are pretty in unison that he wasn\u2019t a nice person.\n\nMy mom has always been extremely all or nothing. Growing up she either did every thing for me or dident care at all.  There was no middle ground. No helping or let me try and fail while cheering me on. No,  it had to be perfect and if i dident did it right it was better she fixed it for me. She is also very pessimistic and nervous.\n\nIf I try to talk to mom about this stuff and she starts crying . She will say she did as best as she could as a parent. My stepdad will tell me to apologise to my mom for making her cry and accusing them of stuff at this point . So it\u2019s hard to talk about this.  I feel like my dad and mom wanna pretend everything is fine  I don\u2019t wanna let them but as I just explained bringing it up spent do much good either. After the drama around my engagement in 2018 i wrote a letter to mom and stepdad and the got sore that i accused them of being bad parents when they did there best. So now i have contact but I really dont know how i should handle this. My feelings and thoughts around this is just a huge mess.\n\nWhat do I do reddit?\n\nIf you by the end of this gonna ask if i am not angry at my dad I am. I am angry at my dad for not beeing there and even more angry at him if what my mom said about him is true and he r|ped my mom. But the not beeing there my dad and have been able to talk about and sort out. And I did confront him about that other thing and if I find  that he is the one lying here and not my mom I will have to consider my relationship with him. But I don\u2019t have that close contact with that to begin with as I have with mom. \n\nAlso i wanna mention my half siblings. My younger halfsister (f19) , dads other daughter, is studying psychology abroad and seem to be doing well. She is going places. My dad was there for her a lot more than he was for me, I think he realised som mistake his he did the first time around, and while part of me is jealous i am also happy for my sister. Younger halfbrother (m33), mom\u2019s other child is a bag of low self esteem, depressed with no spine or currage and mom still treats him like a baby. My halfbrother lives in an apartment my stepdad inherit from his parents and  2 minutes drive from my mom\u2019s house. Basically that appartment is just a fancy replacement of my mom\u2019s basment. My mom cleans his place follow him to doctors appointments and basically do anything for him. He was admitted to the psycward for a psychotic breakdown last year.  He have prior that had a brain tumour removed. He does need some help but he is not so disabled as  my mom pretends. Mom and step dad are very controlling over him. I mention my halfsiblings on both sides because if they are any indication of who\u2019s the better parent I think my dad.\n",
+      "timestamp": 1729196763.0,
+      "upvotes": 5,
+      "num_comments": 1
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "9e712f",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "A bartender played \"no scrubs\" after turning down my request for her number. I made a mixtape and gave it to her the next week. Am I creepy?",
+      "sub": "Advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/9e712f/a_bartender_played_no_scrubs_after_turning_down/",
+      "content": "Hello Reddit,  \n \n\nHer smokey eyes glistened playfully as she took the bar stool and sat between us. Conversation was mostly between her and my flirtatious friend, though there were attempts to include me I had little I wanted to add to the topic. My eyes were fixed on her as they had been for much of the night. Their conversation was coming to a close, my mind could think of no better time. Assertively and confidently I blurted out \u201cMay I have your number?\u201d\n\n&#x200B;\n\nOne week earlier\u2026\n\nMy good friend Aaron and I went to a Mexican bar in Ballard, an old fishing neighborhood in Seattle. The bar tender\u2019s shape was appealing to me. Aaron and I talked with her throughout the evening, and I made googly eyes at her. Though I was inebriated, I\u2019m confident my presence had piqued her interest.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nOne week later\u2026\n\nAaron, Thomas and I return to the Mexican bar, largely due to me wanting to see the bar tender again. YAY! She is working again! The three of us sit down at the bar and begin our usual bullshitting routine. Thomas is a huge flirt and makes delightful conversation with the bartender. Perhaps 20 minutes pass and she approaches our portion of the bar and asks if we have any song recommendations. \n\nShe\u2019s looking for 90s hip hop recommendations, not my strong suite so I lay low during the conversation. No song decision is made and she returns to other duties.\n\nAaron gets up to go to the bathroom. While he is gone she comes around the bar and sits on Aaron\u2019s stool, right between Thomas and I! Now I\u2019m hella nervous because I know there will be no better opportunity for me to ask for her number, then when she is sitting right next to me.\n\n\u201cMay I have your number?\u201d I\u2019m downright shaking at this point.\n\n\u201cI\u2019m unavailable to give out the digits.\u201d\n\nCrap, a vague and un-fulling answer.  Sigh, life goes on.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI\u2019m still into her, and I\u2019m still seated at her bar. I keep on making eyes at her, trying to make eyes that said \u201cI\u2019m a little sad you turned down my request, especially because it felt like you were also making eyes at me. Was it all a ploy to get me to tip better, because that\u2019s super reasonable.\u201d\n\nUncertain if she was able to translate all that, hardly matters because moments later disaster struck.\n\nShe leaves the bar and puts on a new song. What song did she put on? WHAT SONG DID SHE PUT ON AFTER TURNING ME DOWN?!!!!!!\n\nTLC\u2019s \u201cNo Scrubs.\u201d Damn, she is cold. I love it, I\u2019m loving every second as I sit there, ears burning while my friends speculate as to how spectacularly she had outplayed me. It\u2019s not often you meet a girl cool enough to completely lay you out, a customer, while at her work. \n\nI couldn\u2019t let it go, it\u2019s not possible for me to take a music diss and sit on it.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nOne week later:\n\nIt\u2019s a Thursday and I\u2019m back in Ballard. I spent 5 hours creating a music mix specifically to prove to her that I\u2019m not a scrub. I\u2019m a badass ganster who doesn\u2019t give a fuck about all the right things and refuses to roll over for some bullshit TLC song.\n\nUSB stick in hand I walk up to the bar. She\u2019s not working\u2026 I look like a huge creep walking past the windows slowly while peering inside. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nOne day later:\n\nIt\u2019s Friday night, she will be working tonight. I\u2019ve got my flashdrive containing the 5 minute mix, featuring 6 hella poignant song edits expressing my feelings. \n\nIt\u2019s creepy, the mix is creepy. I know it\u2019s creepy because I made it, and I showed it to my partner. I\u2019m in an open relationship with the coolest being :)\n\nHand in hand we marched into the bar. It\u2019s crowded. So fucking crowded, zero space to roll up to the bar. I spot her immediately, I have perhaps 2 seconds to make a plan without looking like I\u2019m standing around like a mook. Taking the only option available, we push through the crowd right to the opening of the bar. \n\nShe turns and I see recognition on her face. Perfect. \n\n\u201cLast week you turned down my request for your number, then you played No Scrubs. I made you a mixtape with a personal note attached.\u201d\n\nHand outstretched I hand her the flash drive.\n\n\u201cI\u2019m flattered.\u201d \n\nEverything comes to a dead halt as her co-workers realize they I\u2019m taking a stand. Taking a stand for all beings who have ever been undeservedly accused of being a scrub. This aggression shall not STAND!\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI panicked. My goal being accomplished I turned away and fled. Well more like Adele, led me out because it was too busy in there to walk side by side and we were still holding hands.\n\nI forgot to say goodbye, I forgot to act \u201cnormal\u201d in any way.\n\nAt the time of this writing I do not know if she has listened to the mix or has any interest in contacting me.\n\nReddit, Do I have a chance with this girl?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHere is a link to the mix: [https://audiomack.com/song/severin20/the-scorpio-s-mix](https://audiomack.com/song/severin20/the-scorpio-s-mix)\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHere is the contents of \u201cThe Note\u201d included on the flash drive:\n\nHi,\n\nIn these moments, I've been thinking about you. You seem cool.\n\nWhen you played \"No Scrubs\" after turning down my number request... Damn, that was well played.\n\nI made this mix as a result of my feelings from those moments. \n\nYou helped inspire this answer to \"no scrubs.\"\n\nSome people may find the music offensive.\n\nBye :)\n\n\\*\\*cough\\*\\* \\*\\*ahem\\*\\*\n\nThis song answer piques your interest in this being?\n\n\\~emailthisgangster@gmail.com\\~",
+      "timestamp": 1536436749.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 8
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "7typll",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "How I Learned About My Birthfather... & My Brother?",
+      "sub": "family",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/family/comments/7typll/how_i_learned_about_my_birthfather_my_brother/",
+      "content": "I remember when I was around 11, my little cousin, Lily, who was 6, came from Cuba to the U.S. with her parents. They stayed in our home for a few months until they were able to find a place. \n\nRight before they left for their new home; I was on my computer, I was 12, playing educational computer games. My family is chattering/gossiping in the living room per usual. I never had any interest in the family gossip, I just wanted to be in my own little space/world. Lily was not like that at all, she loved to listen-in on family drama. It was not long until Lily came barging into the room saying:    \n\"I know a secret.\"    \n\"What?\"    \n\"Roberto isn't your real dad.\"    \n\"Liar.\"    \n\"I'm not lying, they're talking about it!\"    \n\"I don't believe you, so just leave me alone.\"    \n\"Just ask your mom.\"\n\nAfter that she left the room and the seed of doubt was planted in my head. I did not think twice of it at that moment. It sure as hell bothered the hell out of me for days.. then weeks.. and eventually to months, to almost a year.\n\nIt wasn't long after, I started to doubt it myself. I did not really look like my father, Roberto. He was light-medium brown skin color, I had pale skin with freckles. My mother had a light tan. Things that I did not notice before started to bother me. The difference in skin color, I did not have his last name, there were not baby pictures of him holding me. I did not feel a connection to this man. I was 13, almost 14, when I decided to confront my mom about it while she was organizing important documents. There was something about this that was bugged me was that... I KNEW the answer to her question BEFORE she could respond. I was 99.9% sure already, but I still had that 0.1% in order to fully believe it.    \n\"Mom, can I ask you something?\"    \n\"What?\"    \n\"Is Roberto my real dad?\"    \n\"No.\"    \n\"Who is?\"    \n\"I can't talk right now, I'm busy.\"    \n\nIt was at that moment that I knew she did not really care to talk about it. Of course, I would bring it up again and she would brush it off just the same. \"I'm busy,\" or \"Not right now.\" After a while, I stopped communicating with my mother and our relationship has suffered, to this day, because of it. It was not long after my mother asked for a divorce to my step-father. I remember her sitting me down on the couch and talking to me through it. I did not have a strong relationship with Roberto to begin with, it hurt to an extent, but it was not something that I felt devastated over. She did end up telling me that she married Roberto to provide me a father figure.  \n\nOn my 14th birthday, Roberto tells my mother and aunt that we need to leave the house permanently. The day after my birthday, we packed up our things the same day and left. All of this happened one week before school started, I was going to start high school. It was hard for the first few months, and around that time I started to get more curious about my birthfather as Roberto was separating himself from the picture. So I began to research him, ask my mother (always backfires on me), and listening to family gossip. One of the few things I caught was that my mother came into the U.S. legally, unknowingly pregnant. When she began to go see the doctors for a check-up, that is when she found out she was pregnant. Got married to my step-father, Roberto, when I was 2yrs, and from there I believed he was my father all along up until I asked her.\n\nOn April 20th, 2017 I received a random friend request on Facebook. The last name was exactly like my last name and strangely enough, looking at this guy's profile picture, he looked a lot like me -- strange. It took me a few days of speculation to finally grow the balls to accept the friend request after 6 days, April 25th.    \n\"May I ask who you are? And do you have any relationship to Alexander?\"    \n\"I am his son. From what I see, you're my sister.\"    \nFrom there he asked for my phone number. I was still skeptical and asked for details such as my birthfather's birthday and my mother's name to prove it. Once it was proven, I gave him me information. I found out I had a little brother in Cuba, he turned just 19 this year in January. My birthfather and his family were in Cuba. My brother 3\u00bd yrs younger than me. It is absolutely crazy thinking how I was raised as an only child, while he was raised knowing I existed somewhere in the world. I still have trouble wrapping my head around this.\n\nI video chatted with my birthfather, Alexander, and brother, Lazaro, for hours. My father was crying. I did not get the full details on HOW they found me, it was hard to understand -- the Internet connection was extremely bad and it costs a lot of money to communicate from Cuba to the United States. I saw my grandparents for the first time. My grandfather was crying on the webcam and my grandmother was crying as well. They looked so happy and kept telling me that they prayed to God every day to just see me and that I was happy/healthy. We all laughed, we cried, we smiled. It was bittersweet. We asking questions and answering them through smiles, tears, and laughter. \n\nUnfortunately, a lot of time has passed, and that would be the first and only time I would have seen my grandmother. She died unexpectedly on December 24th, 2017. (R.I.P. Abuela Ramona) \n\nHopefully, I can make a trip out to Cuba this year so that I can meet my family. My mother will not be joining me on my trip as she does not want to be part of that. I am not mad at my mother, I am just disappointed in the way she kept such a secret from me. I do not trust her on the same level as I did prior to all of it. My hands are shaking as I write all of this down. I am still trying to wrap my head around it. It is 2018 now and I will be planning a trip this summer to see them hopefully. The realization is hitting me that I am anxious beyond belief. I felt as though I babbled a little too much, but I needed to get this all out. This was therapeutic for me. I am going to sleep now, good night ladies and gentlemen. Sleep well.\n\nI will be making a new post about meeting them. Thank you for reading.",
+      "timestamp": 1517289081.0,
+      "upvotes": 3,
+      "num_comments": 3
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1e8ol2n",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "How to deal with coworker",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1e8ol2n/how_to_deal_with_coworker/",
+      "content": "Hi all, I (29f) recently got a new job as a lab assistant. I'm currently being trained (sometimes I'm trained by her but usually not) and my coworker (56f) who's been at this location has been making me seriously consider quitting. I feel that she's not trying to hurt my feelings but she says things very often that leave me feeling terrible. Everyone at work can tell I'm stressed and they are assuming it's because of the job, but really I'm just frustrated with my coworker. I don't feel comfortable bringing it up as I'm on probation currently.\n\nFor context we are mostly phlebotomists and all draw blood in the same room, there's 4 chairs that we share between us, and the lab/front desk are connected by a doorway. So, there's no where to go to avoid this coworker.\n\nSome examples of things she's said: She asks \"hey Icy, are you excited to go to the new location?\" I respond \"very excited\" in a somewhat emphatic tone without turning around because I'm filling out a form. She responds \"well I don't see why you would have signed up for this job and be excited to leave, because this is the job you signed up for\" She goes on like this for about a minute and I just cold shoulder her and don't respond because I can't think of how to respond and I'm trying to work, and what she's saying is giving me the impression that she thinks I'm doing something wrong, when really I'm just doing what my supervisor asks me to do. Later, she asks me why I'm leaving. I just shrug and say that I don't know. She turns around and starts asking our other coworker in a hushed tone about what's going on. To me this whole interaction is toxic because I don't feel it's her place to speculate as to why I took this job, and actually I like the job, I'm just tired of interacting with her. And to talk to someone else about why I'm moving directly in front of me feels very gossipy and inappropriate.\n\nI'm new to the team and I don't want to rustle feathers, so largely I let these things go unaddressed because I'm worried about being too direct, and I'd like to not incur any more ire.\n\nLater I'm cleaning up the stations, and she asks me \"are you not going to clean my station?\" I respond that if she would like me to I will. She responds by saying \"do you think it needs to be cleaned?\". I was trying to not bother her while she was at her station but I can see how she might interpret me not cleaning hers as a slight. So I finish cleaning and I come over and we kind of repeat the interaction, and I decide to just clean it, she looks over at her station and says \"oh, dang it really did need to be cleaned, sorry!\" and then we just move on.\n\nI really try to be kind, but her interactions leave me feeling very exhausted and like she sees me as a bad person, or that my behavior is somehow a slight. Which I think has reinforced some kind of feedback loop, where I try to avoid her and she says things that are offensive or talks about me behind my back because she can tell something is off.\n\nI can imagine how to address these specific situations more directly, by saying \"hey it really hurts my feeling that you're speculating about why I took this job, but my reasons are private and not something I want to talk about.\" or \"I'd be glad to clean your station, but I feel that there's some reason you're asking me if I'm not going to, or if I think it should be. Really I was just worried about intruding on your space while you're in it.\"\n\nbut I'm worried that even these confrontations won't get her to stop, and I'm really concerned that when this all starts back up again as soon as I'm on site I'm going to just go to my boss because I don't know how to handle her being what feels to me like she's unloading judgements on me.\n\nI've backslid on my mental health and even started to have some catatonia again, I've spent all weekend just replaying our interactions over and over, and I'm having really bad negative thoughts, and the gossiping really isn't helping my paranoia - So I know I'm reaching my limit\n\nTl;DR my coworkers interactions are leaving me feeling inferior, and judged, I think it's just the way she \"plays\" with people, as part of her personality and not her trying to be actually mean, as everyone in the group kind of makes slight digs at each other in a fun manner. She's just straightforward about her feelings, but I don't feel I have the grounds to ask her to back off and it's seriously affecting my mental health. One thought I have is to try to enlist another coworker in helping me, by explaining my issues, because then she could gently broach the topic to her friend who she understands\n\nEdit: currently I can't read the comments, I think it's a reddit thing. I can see y'all responding in my notifications. As soon as it fixes itself I'll respond!",
+      "timestamp": 1721574962.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 10
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "atm9p1",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My (25M) SO (31F) wants me to improve my sex game and I need help",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/atm9p1/my_25m_so_31f_wants_me_to_improve_my_sex_game_and/",
+      "content": "Wanted to post this to r/askmen but i was blocked by the automoderator\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThrowaway for obvious reasons.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy SO and I have been together for over a year and have been living together for about 9 months.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThe past few months have not been as sexually active as the beginning of our relationship, which has caused some frustration for the two of us.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nFrom my perspective, she is very unforgiving when it comes to any kind of misstep during foreplay, or even during the actual act. Meaning the sometimes, if I kiss her somewhere where she does like, she will be completely turned off and it will all end there. Moreover, she is very critical of whatever I will be doing telling me I am not things properly and whatnot. Whenever I used to have any sort of desire and I approached her, she would push me away in a very explicit way, if she is not in the mood. Whenever she did, I would back off, as I want to respect her personal space, but the tone in which she does it is pretty harsh. All this has lead me to become more reclusive, and less spontaneous. I do not longer want to approach her and start flirting with her physically, as I do not like being pushed away, or criticized for what I am doing. The (few) times that we do have sex, I am extra careful not to ruin the mood by doing something that will turn her off, like licking her neck.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTurns out though, that she interprets my careful approach as a lack of confidence or experience. She nowadays tells me that she is frustrated since I never take initiative, and that she wishes that I would assert myself as a man and grab her with strength and confidence. She would like me to initiate things and try new things as well. And since I am not doing it, this obviously frustrates her. On top of it, she does not like telling me what she would like me to do to her. She believes that I should be able to read her body without her telling me. My philosophy though, is that I need to do some exploration with every new partner, to find some mutual ground, and see what she likes and she can see what I like. She feels like she is teaching me sex, when she has to explain how she likes things done to her.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nNow, I know that if I sit on my chair and tell my SO that SHE needs to change her attitude, and SHE needs to do this and bla bla bla, we will stay in the vicious circle and we will both remain frustrated. I also want to show her that instead of pointing fingers, it is much better for her to come and see me with solutions. We are clearly not the first couple that has sexual frustrations. But working our problems is not a matter of shifting the blame on one another. So I decided to put my ego aside, and bite the bullet, and improve my sex game.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThe problem is, I do not know where to start. I somewhat distrust sexuality books, since often times, they are not based on fact or science, they are more speculative than anything else.\n\nWhat I would like to know is, do any of you have some resources that they would like to share? Books/youtube channels/podcasts/forums, etc?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThanks in advance!\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTLDR: I need resources to satisfy my GF sexually",
+      "timestamp": 1550866663.0,
+      "upvotes": 5,
+      "num_comments": 10
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "96uzuc",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "What is the best way for me [28M] to deal with a bunch of unprofessional-acting coworkers [assorted M and F, 20s-40s] who treat our office space like a gossipy high school campus?",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/96uzuc/what_is_the_best_way_for_me_28m_to_deal_with_a/",
+      "content": "Hello Reddit,\n\nI'm a recent hire (less than four months on the job) at a marketing company, having switched careers where I was previously a moderately successful male, print and runway model. My new employer is fully aware of my former profession.\n\nOur office is an open floor, no cubicles, so everyone can pretty much see everyone else all day long. There are about eighteen workers, plus the owner \\[50s?M\\] of the company and his second in charge \\[40s?M\\].\n\nMy coworkers are three guys and all the rest women.\n\nThe nature of our job often involves lulls in the action where there will be many minutes, even hours where literally nothing is happening, so it's easy to chat with one another.\n\nI'm new, so when I arrived at the company most of my coworkers approached me at one point or another to introduce themselves. Most of my coworkers are about my age or slightly older. I didn't see anything wrong with this, and I was polite and friendly to everyone.\n\nDuring periods of little action at our office, sometimes the entire office floor will be involved in conversation that has nothing to do with business. These conversations only ever occur when the owners aren't looking, as they obviously don't approve of us just shooting the shit while we're getting paid. When we're not talking to clients or working on projects, we're supposed to be researching new client opportunities, double-checking our existing work, contacting existing clients to inquire as to their satisfaction with our performance, etc.\n\nMy coworkers would try to get me to get involved in their off-task behavior, and I'll politely answer questions when asked, but I try not to reveal too much of my personal life when at work, whereas most of my coworkers reveal incredibly intimate details of their personal lives loudly in front of everyone (who they're dating/fucking, who' pregnant, who's a tramp, etc.). It appears that most of these people socialize with one another after work to a serious degree, because they talk about getting high and wasted together.\n\nWell soon after I got hired one of my female coworkers \\[mid 30s F\\], I'll call her Kim says she recognizes me from a cologne ad that I was in a few years ago, so I said yeah I used to be a male model. Then all of a sudden the fact that I was a model became a huge topic for everyone in the office, with everyone googling pictures of me and commenting on my appearance. I didn't really want that to happen but I suppose it was inevitable because I wasn't exactly trying to keep it a secret, I just didn't volunteer to talk about it. I figured they'd get over it, get bored, and move on to other things.\n\nBut over the next couple of weeks Kim became increasingly flirtatious and started hinting that she wanted to date me. To spare her any embarassment, one time when she asked me what I did for the weekend I told her my wife \\[29F\\] and I went to a certain movie. Then all of a sudden everyone was googling my wife, who is also a former model but now a stay at home mother to our son \\[2M\\]. Everyone at the office is in my business all the time and speculating why I am working at a marketing company and am not a millionaire. I don't really defend myself to these people but I just said one day that not all models are supermodels or world famous, and that some, like me and my wife, were just in some ad campaigns at one time, and have since moved on to other careers.\n\nBut now the gossip is that my wife and I must be cokeheads or that we blew all our money and are now broke. Ridiculous. If you're wondering, my wife and I put most of our money in the bank for the kid, and invested the rest in our house.\n\nI normally wouldn't mind this kind of talk, but it's hard to avoid any of these people because we're all hemmed in the same office and can look at one another all day long. There's even a rumor floating around that I tried to ask Kim out and cheat on my wife.\n\nFirst of all that's a lie, and cheating on my wife for Kim would be like throwing out a premium filet mignon for a can of old, rotten cat food. Yet all of these boring people have nothing better to do than talk about me.\n\nSince these people all hang around together and appear to rely on one another for most if not all of their friendships, they often go out together on Friday nights after work. They keep inviting me to go with them and one time I actually went, and Kim tried to pretend to be drunk and actually made a pass at me. I played it off and the next Monday pretended like nothing happened, but it was still awkward. I don't want to go out with these people again but at the same time I don't want to make enemies. They're also pressing me to bring my wife with me, and I'm thinking, why the hell would my wife want to bring our baby to a bar?\n\nWhen I make excuses about not going out with them, they start spreading talk about how I think I'm better than them, or that they're all ugly. It's so gross because some of the guys will run into me in the break room and try to ask me, \"hey dude, did you ever bang anyone famous?\" It's so gross and inappropriate.\n\nI'm new at the company but I don't like how everyone talks about me and my personal life all the time. At the same time, I don't want to come off like a snitch and get people in trouble. On some occasions I've said \"I'd appreciate it if you don't discuss my personal life\" they all laugh and say \"oh you're a public figure so nothing you do is private.\"\n\nAny strategies on how to deal with these people?\n\nThank you Reddit!-----------\\*\\*tl;dr: my new coworkers have nothing better to do than gossip about me and discuss my personal life. How do I get them to cut it out?\\*\\*",
+      "timestamp": 1534131052.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 5
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "5at7qk",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I [21M] desperately need help asking her [21F] out in the right way",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5at7qk/i_21m_desperately_need_help_asking_her_21f_out_in/",
+      "content": "Im in need of some critical help Reddit. I have known this young woman for 2 years now, we're currently both seniors in college, but we're not very close friends, we're more fringe friends who share a lot of mutual friends. I've wanted to ask her out for the past year but the timing has never been appropriate. Either I was not in a position to handle a relationship or she was studying abroad while I was on the main campus. \n\n\nThis year is different, I've developed a friendly relation with her and as it turns out our apartments are roughly 35 ft from each other. The only negative factors I can think of are the amount of time left before we graduate (in May), and the high workload that both of our majors carries. Im not afraid of her saying no and I recognize that not everything can work out that way, but I'd really like to have at least one date with her to see if we are compatible. See relationships are weird for me, I dont really ask someone out because I know I want to be in a relationship with them, I want to get to know that person and see if we'd be a good match and go from there. On October 4th I said I would do it within a month because time has really been getting on. Nov 4th is in a couple days and I've said that the next time I see her will be when I ask her. \n\n\nSo why the post then? This young woman is particularly shy, not in the sense that she's reclusive, because she's actually quite social. The problem enters basic conversation. When you ask someone how they're doing generally you expect some sort of return question, that doesn't happen with her. Everyone (not just me) who she doesn't know well she treats like this until she gets to know them better.\n\n\nWhile I've started to develop with her and started having more conversations instead of question & answer sessions I'm not sure how to ask her out. Quite a lot of people have asked her out, at the beginning of last year one of the guys who I was living with asked her out and she said yes. I later found out she said yes because she said she didn't know how to say No. As to why she wanted to say No I can only speculate. Speculation says that its because we were all abroad that semester she was one of only a handful of people staying. I would like to give her the opportunity to say No easily to me if she so chooses but I'm also not sure if I should? That sounds backwards but I'm not sure if I shouldn't give that free space and just go on a date with her and let it go from there? I'm very confused here.\n\n\nThe other problem with this is I don't know HOW to ask her. I don't know if I should casually ask her next time I see her and leave it very ambiguous to it being a date? I'm not a fan of asking her over messenger which has been suggested to me. Do I want to just ask her on a date and figure out the details some other time?\n\n\nThe best suggestion I heard from one of my friends was to ask her to go see the new Harry Potter movie with me but that didn't answer the question of ambiguity for me. I'm very confused as to what to do.\n\n\n  ---   \n  **tl;dr**: How should I go about asking out this shy girl?",
+      "timestamp": 1478127646.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 3
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "4eq2ok",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My [23M] successful business operation is at risk after the breakup between my close friends [24M, 23F].",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4eq2ok/my_23m_successful_business_operation_is_at_risk/",
+      "content": "Hi reddit. I feel completely lost here and need some advice.\n\n\nAs the title says, I am involved in a successful business endeavor within the entertainment industry. I have been pursuing this venture for many years now, and I believe that if I continue along this path and my business associates (who are my close friends) maintain their effort and dedication to what we have built, I will one day be in a position that I have always dreamed of with my business.\n\n\nHere is the dilemma. On a recent business trip, my friend/business partner, Hayden, began to have an emotional affair with a girl who was with us on the trip but not involved with our business. Hayden had been in a relationship for around eight years with a girl, Kendall. Kendall and I are also close friends and met through Hayden when we founded our business. Kendall has even helped the business financially when we were struggling. Their relationship outwardly seemed so strong and they appeared to have a lot of love for each other. Though Hayden and I have more history and have been friends for longer, Kendall and I lived together for months alongside Hayden and connected/bonded well. Just before moving in together, I went through a particularly nasty breakup, and later after the move Kendall talked to me about it and supported me through it. Hayden was unaware of the breakup I went through because I am bisexual and the relationship was with another male. I was afraid to tell Hayden the truth about that, but Kendall earned my trust and she is openly bisexual herself, so she was easy to talk to. \n\n\nAdmittedly, I sometimes wondered if Hayden ever had disapproving feelings towards my friendship with Kendall because we would go out and eat places and run errands together, so I would ask her if he was alright with it and she would always say that he had no complaints, and that even if he did, she felt that since we weren't doing anything wrong she had no desire to explain herself to him. The two of them lived with another male friend of ours in an apartment for two years with no concerns. Also, my business partner friend went to another state a couple of times for days and left Kendall and I alone together at the apartment. There was no apprehension whatsoever. We continued on until our lease was up with no arguments, no drama, etc. I moved back in with my parents, and Hayden and Kendall moved in with Hayden's mom.\n\n\nMonths went by and during this time, Kendall and I didn't really talk much. We hung out once during this period, but didn't really make it a consistent thing and afterwards barely spoke to each other. Hayden and I did, of course, and my business was organizing a lengthy (three weeks) business trip to the other side of the country. We were very excited at the opportunities this trip would present but had a lot of preparing to do. I personally invested a decent amount of my own savings into the trip, and as a whole we went into debt to make it happen.\n\n\nWe embarked on the business trip, and there was a girl with us named Kate. Kate doesn't work for us, but she is involved with a different business and had joined us on the trip along with some of her associates. Kate appeared to be in a relationship with one of her business partners, but externally it was difficult to assess the situation fully. However, before we knew it, Hayden had begun to talk to Kate more and more on the trip. Suddenly, they began to walk off alone and talk for hours. Hayden would stay with Kate's group some nights at the hotel and started to create a sort of distance between himself and our group.\n\n\nOne of my friends/business partners, Thomas, began speculating that Hayden was having an affair with Kate. At this point, I was entirely uninterested in what Hayden was doing and initially told Thomas to quit assuming, though in time it was revealed that Thomas was correct and Hayden WAS having a mental affair with Kate. Hayden asserted that he did nothing sexual with Kate, which is believable considering her coworkers were usually with them, but he did feel that he wanted to pursue Kate and (most likely) break up with Kendall.\n\n\nThough I doubted that Hayden would truly break up with Kendall, sure enough shortly after we returned to town he ended things with her and told her about Kate. Kendall seemed to not take it well. She was very close to Hayden and was a loyal girlfriend to him. She has few friends outside of him, and her family is unfortunately really dysfunctional. When the breakup occurred, Hayden suggested to Kendall that she visit me or Thomas for comfort and support because Kendall didn't want to be around him. She came to my house and explained the situation in tears. \n\n\nI expected this outcome because she randomly texted me asking to come over and, as I said earlier, we only hung out one time after moving out of the apartment we lived in. I felt awful for her and told her that she could talk to me or hang with me any time she needed to. She helped me a lot with my breakup, and I felt I could resonate with how she was feeling at that time. I did also text Hayden saying sorry things didn't work out and to hit me up if he needed me at all. He thanked me and said he was alright.\n\n\nAfter breaking up with Kendall, Hayden began to pursue Kate. Kate lives outside of our state, so he would have to travel hours to see her, which he did willingly. Kendall was having a rough time with the breakup so she hung out with me often while Hayden was gone. One night, Kendall and I went out and had some drinks with some friends. Hayden had been out of town for multiple days now with Kate, but planned to return home that night. Kendall was (and still is) living at Hayden's mom's house with Hayden and was reluctant to go back there since he was supposed to return. I offered for her to stay at my parents' house. \"We have plenty of couch space,\" I said. But when it came time to go to sleep, Kendall slept with me in my bed. I didn't ask her to, but didn't reject her. We didn't kiss or do anything sexual, but did cuddle somewhat. I'll admit it felt nice but it wasn't entirely intimate.\n\n\nThe next day, Hayden somehow realized Kendall stayed at my house, I guess he saw her car at my house when he got into town that night. I received indication from Thomas that Hayden suspected Kendall and I of having sex. I believe Hayden and Thomas talked, but I'm not sure what was said. I wanted to reassure Hayden that nothing had happened, but figured it would be best to wait until I saw him in person next. He and I had a one-on-one meeting scheduled a couple days out, but the night before Hayden texted me furiously. I tried to console him, but it was useless. I was at Thomas's during this time. After the texts from Hayden subsided, I spoke to Thomas for a long time about the situation and he seemed to agree that Hayden brought this on himself and that as long as Kendall and I were platonic we were doing nothing wrong.\n\n\nSo, I went home that night, took a step back, and realized I was actually beginning to develop a crush on Kendall. It seemed to develop after their breakup, but I do think the possibility for it was there all along. Kendall is a very naturally beautiful girl who gets hit on a lot. She is also quite successful and is entering a field that has a 100% job success rate. In fact, she is going to be gone for a whole year in the next couple months to pursue her career further in a town about an hour away (which I think would help ease this situation).\n\n\nI realized I began to admire Kendall a lot, so I told her because I felt guilty. I was supposed to be there to support her and I was just crushing on her. I told her how I felt and gave her the option to cease hanging with me, but she did not and seemed fine with it. She didn't tell me how she felt about me at first, but it was revealed a bit later that she felt similarly.\n\n\nAt some point over the next few days she must have let how I feel slip to Hayden because he messaged me on Facebook where he and I had a long, heated conversation in which he expressed his extreme fury to me and also said that he was depressed and had a desire to kill himself. Thomas also informed me that Hayden was threatening to leave our business. Immediately I made sure Kendall was aware (she was) and asked her to take him for a psych evaluation. We also stopped hanging out.\n\n\nShe attempted to bring Hayden to a clinic, but he never ended up going. Eventually, after days and days, Hayden and I had face-to-face conversation, though he was reluctant. It went extremely well, we connected with each other, and he said he had no plans to leave the business. He said Kendall and I could do whatever we wanted, but he was worried that if we were to date that it would create awakawrdness. I told him I understood and despite my crush I wasn't pursuing a relationship with her. Kendall continued to monitor Hayden, and his demeanor and overall attitude seemed to improve and become more positive.\n\n\nHayden continued to make trips to Wisconsin to see Kate, though her business associate (the one we speculated she was in a relationship with) was becoming increasingly tense towards Hayden and told Kate not to trust him. It was also confirmed by now that Kate and the associate HAD previously been in a relationship. The guy seemed to be quite distraught, but Hayden brushed it off and even seemed to find it humorous. While Hayden was away on a trip to an industry convention with Kate, Kendall and I began to hang again. Hayden would call my phone or Kendall's phone to ask where she was or to chat to me about the convention, but I got the feeling he was monitoring us.\n\n\nWhen Hayden returned to town, the freshly-healed wound had opened up once again, and Hayden became increasingly upset with me and Kendall for hanging out. At this point, Hayden's relationship with Kate was beginning to die out and I believe she began spending more time with her business associate again. Hayden seemed to be taking it okay, but he suddenly turned his focus back onto Kendall.\n\n\nThis puts us almost where we are at present day, though it has been several weeks since Hayden and Kate stopped talking. During this time, there has been an extreme lack of communication between me and Hayden, and our business is suffering as a result of that and his lack of motivation to contribute due to me. Hayden seems to really want to get back with Kendall now, but Kendall isn't interested in doing so. She never was even initially after their breakup (I even suggested to her they could work things out), but I feel Hayden attributes her choice to the fact that she's hanging out with me.\n\n\nI can understand why it may be difficult for him to see her hanging out with another male, but we are not in a relationship despite it being months and months months since their breakup. I'm even pretty careful not to share anything involving Kendall to social media because I know it would hurt Hayden to see it. I have made it clear to him that we are not pursuing each other, though I will admit that I know Kendall wants that and I do, too. I think in the far future, once this blows over and Hayden moves on, that could be a possibility. But I need a more immediate solution. I honestly and truthfully still love Hayden as a close friend and hate knowing that he feels I have destroyed his chance at getting back with his ex-girlfriend. But I feel that I haven't, and even if I have, so what? He doesn't deserve another chance.\n\n\nI'd like to try and rectify this situation without having to pick and choose friends. Kendall and I could hang out less or back off, but should we? Though we are not as platonic as we were at the beginning of this rift, we are still not a \"thing\" and as far as Hayden knows, nothing is happening anyway. I just feel like I have come to this weird crossroads where I have to pick between my business or a potential future life partner. I connect with Kendall really well, and we seem to be a very greate match. I'm not the type of person who dates a lot, so this is the connection I have been waiting for.\n\n\nAdditionally, I worry that I will earn a reputation amongst my friends as a \"home wrecker\" or something. While most people we know support Kendall and I hanging, I know some don't. Do I have any options here? Should I just try and let things blow over, or is there something specific I can do to help the situation now? Am I making a mistake or am I blind to something that I've done that is absolutely immoral?\n\n\nOne other thing: Thomas seems to not be helping during this situation. He thinks he is, but he is simply going back and forth between Hayden and I and creating more tension. Hayden and Thomas had also been friends for years since before I met them, so they also have that bond. Is there a way I can handle this aspect without upsetting Thomas? Is it even worth approaching? I feel he may simply just choose Hayden's side after a certain point. It may even be happening now.\n\n\nThank you for reading this and for any advice that you can give me, reddit. I need something.\n   \n\ntl;dr: My close friends broke up because the individual in the relationship I was closest with and am involved in a business with had a mental affair on a business trip. The other has begun hanging out with me after the breakup and we both like each other. My business partner friend is angry at me and wants to get back with his ex now that the relationship he was pursuing has fallen through. Is there any way I can resolve this and keep them both in my life?",
+      "timestamp": 1460618783.0,
+      "upvotes": 5,
+      "num_comments": 3
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "434394",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Did my [22F] dad [59M] really find his soul mate [51F] or is he being taken by a gold digger?",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/434394/did_my_22f_dad_59m_really_find_his_soul_mate_51f/",
+      "content": "[WARNING: LONG POST. It's all very relevant.]\n\nI've been convinced that my dad married a gold digger and I just need outside opinions.\n\nSome background: My dad has a pretty comfortable salary of over $100k per year, this becomes relevant in a few. Anyway, my parents divorced in around 2012, but he and I moved to the next state over in July 2011. The divorce wasn't finalized until early 2012. He went out on a few dates with women he describes as \"reminding me of your mother\" so he eventually stopped going out with local women. In the Fall of 2011, a woman from Connecticut contacted him using things I like to call \"headhunting tactics.\" Saying she *felt his energy* and knew he was a good man for her friend. Being a naive idiot my dad fell for it and got cyber-introduced to her friend.\n\nA woman in Brazil.\n\nIf I remember correctly they first met in December 2011, as in he went down to Brazil unattended knowing very, very little Brazillian Portuguese after knowing her for a few months and they hit it off. She came down in Summer of 2012 and that summer forever fucked over my summers because of how she acts, it's ridiculous but I'll get to that later. They married, yes, *married* in August in 2012. Not official married, like they had a super small ceremony at the Justice of The Peace and then in court a few days later or something.\n\nAnyway, let me tell you about some shit that has been going on.\n\n\nWhat I can confirm:\n\n* She is a compulsive shopper and she likes the expensive stuff. We get packages from Amazon 2-3 times per week addressed to her and he's either supposed to bring them with him when he goes down there, or she's supposed to take them when she comes down in the Summer. One time we went to the Salvation Army and she saw a table set she really liked but my dad told her no because the table would be too big for our kitchen. She threw a hissy fit and sat down at the chair in front of the table like a fucking toddler. My boyfriend was with me and it was so damn embarrassing seeing a grown woman acting like a child because she won't get what she wants. When she told my dad he needed a new mattress they bought a new one. It was a Tempur-Pedic Motion that costed $5,000, except she didn't pay for that. She'll buy stuff from Savers or other stores and leave them here that we'll never, EVER, use such as: a waffle maker, omelette maker, and a blender. The waffle maker hasn't been touched since it was bought. She's bought like 3 bird baths and we had to throw 2 of them out because they rusted.\n\n* When they go to the mall in my home state they go to Every. Single. Store. If they leave for the mall at 1pm they'll be back at 12am with 25 bags from everywhere. Victoria's Secret, Cheesecake Factory, Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister, Old Navy, etc. I know my dad he fucking *HATES* Victoria's Secret so why he would even look at the store is beyond me.\n\n* It took her three years to drop the Green Card talk, which in my opinion either makes her an incredibly smart scammer or she genuinely loves him. Their first plan was for her to get a Green Card since she retires in 3 years and when she does she can move up here and wait for him to retire so they can go wherever the fuck they want. Well, that plan changed at the beginning of the year. He now wants to retire in 3 years and move to Brazil and basically tell his entire family to fuck off forever. She doesn't plan on learning English and he has taken classes at the local University to learn Portuguese, that's kind of important as well.\n\n* This is unrelated to money but it's still important to list. My dad changed his entire person just to suit this woman and he's become something he ranted in the past that he hated. For one I remember him ranting that he hated Portuguese women now he goes \"oh no no no she's different!!\" When my mom had plants he laughed at her and called them, and her, stupid. His wife is into plants so she buys a fuckton that he has to take care of, now he's a plant guy. Years ago he couldn't give a shit about birds, now he says his dream is to live in Brazil sitting on the front porch feeding the birds. Also, he got a pet bird who has a very huge attitude problem and she's really fucking annoying, he frequently yells at her to shut up. His wife is very much a Spiritualist and frequently buys \"spiritual rocks\" off Amazon and puts them in places around the house. Twice she broke eggs, removed the yolk and whites inside, and laid the egg shells on the windowsil in the kitchen for some ridiculous spiritual reason. My dad raved for years about being an Existentialist and thought Spirituality was a bunch of horse shit, now he's a Spiritualist. What the fuck?\n\n* My dad describes her as having a cute little \"problem with punctuality.\" However, she only has that problem when HE wants to go somewhere. If he makes plans to go see my Aunt at 2pm, at 1:50 she'll find something to do such as trying on dresses or rearranging her jewelry and they won't leave until like 4. But when SHE wants to go shopping, he has to drop everything and GO GO GO NOW. They almost missed their anniversary trip to the Vineyard because when he wanted to leave she thought it'd be a perfect time to rearrange her jewelry. That was the only time I saw him put his foot down and tell her No and they were almost late to the ferry. He frequently complains about her dumb punctuality problem after she leaves.\n\n* Everyone he knew from our home state told him it's a scam and not to go when he first told them about the Brazilian woman. Yet he still went, now his sisters talk to him just to trash him behind his back and make fun of the wife. He insisted that she was \"different\" and insisted that she is real and not a schemeing scammer. No one knows what they do listed above. He intentionally hid the fact that he was marrying her from everyone, claiming that he was scared that they would be mad. My brother was furious and my Aunts just laughed at how stupid and naive he is. When people from our old town began asking my mom about him, they asked her if he had a gambling/alcohol problem and asked her if she knew he was like that before. \n\n* He was complaining earlier this month about not being able to go back down to Brazil in the Spring because of money and was worrying about telling her. So naturally I asked \"why don't you ask her for money since you gave her more than she asked for that time?\" He didn't give me a clear answer, he just avoided the question. He's always claiming she makes the same amount as he does, so how come she can't be fair and pay for his airfare like he does? \n\n\n\nWhat I cannot confirm, but strongly speculate:\n\n* Her teeth have always been terrible. She has an overbite and some of her teeth are spaced out too much. She got braces last year and I asked my dad how she paid for it. He said she paid cash and I don't believe that for a second. I believe he gave her the money to pay for them and just didn't want to tell me.\n\n* The friend of the wife's from Connecticut was complimented on Facebook for bringing my dad and the wife together. She said \"I'll find you a good Gringo too.\" She deleted the Facebook comment soon after. Three people have told me they remember seeing her post that. A Gringo is a term used for an American, in her case, man. Could that have been a slip indicating she was looking for a rich man from America? I don't know but it sure smells like it.\n\nSo reddit, are they in a genuine, loving relationship or is she a gold digger just out for his money?\n\n**TL;DR Dad marries Brazilian woman he met online months after divorcing my mom. She is a shopaholic who throws fits when he won't buy her something. He changed himself completely to suit her, he is in debt $22k because of her, he hid the marriage from his family, and everything thinks he's being scammed and he insists she's real. Is she a gold digger?**",
+      "timestamp": 1453999510.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 16
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "3mkrb6",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Me [27 M] and my ex-girlfriend [21 F] are good friends now and I need your help to help her.",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3mkrb6/me_27_m_and_my_exgirlfriend_21_f_are_good_friends/",
+      "content": "So I'd like to preface this that I don't intend this to be long, but it may be, but if you could stick it out and offer any words of advice, I thank you up front from the bottom of my heart.\n\nI have to generalize some things because she browses Reddit, not sure where, I just know she's on here all the time.\n\nHistory:\n\nI met this girl around two years ago now and we've been casual friends for a long time. We connected on almost every level you could possibly imagine, it was storybook.\n\nA few months ago, I broke down and told her I was in love with her. She reciprocated my feelings and we started to date. At this point I know a fair deal about her. We had talked really openly about nearly everything and I know she had got out of a bad relationship a year prior. I notice one day she had re-friended him on Facebook and I asked her about it and apparently, two weeks before I confessed to her, they had met up and talked. Oh, well. I respond with, \"Do you think it's really a good idea to be in contact with him?\" and she agrees and deletes him. Red flag, right? Let's continue with more history.\n\nNow this may seem like a sidetrack, but it all wraps together, I promise. The relationship she had was the 'first love' type of relationship since she was pretty young and they were together for about four years. During that time, they broke up quite a few times, he cheated on her, hung out at her job to make sure she wasn't talking to other men, called her names and other forms of mental abuse. You know that kind of person, so I'll refrain on elaborating on the other bull shit he put her through.\n\nSo a year goes by and I eventually confess to her. She tells me she's not used to being with someone like me, that I'm sweet, sensitive, can hold intelligent conversation and I can tell by the way her eyes light up: she's in love too.\n\nWe plan an extended four day weekend with a bunch of cool stuff to do. We talk and laugh and have a good time, but then on the third day I notice an immediate and sudden change in her demeanor. I try to ask her what's up and she tells me she needs some space, so we just relax on opposite sides of the bed, go to the beach and sort of tone it down a bit. I'm not the kind of person to sleep on bad feelings, so before bed I say, \"Person, I just want you to know that if something is bothering, you can tell me about it.\"\n\nShe breaks down. She starts by telling me that she doesn't see herself with me in five years and that we should stop while we're ahead. I'm obviously a little shocked, there had been no indication of anything like this. Completely out of the blue. She had been loving, affectionate and telling me all sorts of positive things: I'm just blown away. We talk about it it a little bit but ultimately she is like, \"I need time to process this.\" So we finish the last day and a half watching movies and talking before I take her home. I tried not too, but I think she noticed I was crying outside smoking. I was pretty emotional after a few hours had passed and the shock had worn off. She showed no visible signs of emotion, a complete blank slate.\n\nA few days pass after we separate and things go back to normal on the outside. Inside I'm an emotional train wreck, outside I'm the normal me because she's an incredibly precious friend to me. I'm an introvert who rarely connects with anyone and the idea of losing her as a friend terrifies me more than the idea of not being in a relationship. I have trouble letting unanswered questions go and she finally decides to open up to me a little bit - and here is the tie in.\n\nApparently she had been struggling with her ex-boyfriend (not a surprise to you reading this, I'm sure) - he was still trying to make contact with her and being manipulative and she was having thoughts like \"maybe it will be different this time\" and she started obsessively checking his social media statuses while we were going out. She then decided to push me away and engage in this passive back and forth with him on Twitter. I tell her that, \"I have feelings and I hurt, you know? However you're my best friend, _____, and I will always be there for you.\" She accepts the idea and opens up to me a little more, telling me she's always internalized things and never talks about her problems and it feels good to talk to someone who understands her. I tell her, well, that's what friends are for right?\n\nFast forward to this week. I'm on a short coffee meet up/date with a girl and she texts me about having a really bad nightmare. I don't make up an excuse, I just say I have to deal with something and I leave. I call her and she is in shambles. The details are unimportant, but needless to say she had a very terrible series of nightmares and she never remembers her dreams like this. We talk for a long time but I eventually have to go to class. She sounds better and we were laughing and I tell her I'll check on her later.\n\nThe next morning (yesterday morning), she texts me again and says it happened again. A small tl;dr about myself: I've done a lot of work on myself spiritually and I'm really good at talking with people. So she really starts to open up about some stuff and eventually we arrive at the social media thing again. She's obsessively monitoring his Twitter statuses and the night before, intentionally took some action that would make him know she was still 'paying attention' and he responded to her (dating someone, btw) - and their little passive dance began. We talk for a long time and I basically boil it down to this: \"You've done this before, this road leads to pain and despair. It will not be different.\" She tells me she knows, but feels like she can't control herself. I'll leave out the back and forth, but yesterday basically reduces to me calling her at 2am again because she's a wreck. They're essentially doing a back and forth on Twitter and he's saying hurtful shit and she's basically like \"I was never good enough blah blah\" and \"I'm so sorry I didn't treasure you\" - he completely flipped the table on her and she's slowly falling for the trap. The impulse is so strong that even while we're conversing for three hours she can't stop herself from replying to him or quoting song lyrics relevant to their past. We end the phone call and the last thing I say is, \"Remember you have a choice, ______. You know what the wrong choice is, so don't react - respond. Call me if you need me.\"\n\nShe doesn't call and I fall asleep. I have a terrible nightmare.\n\nI wake up this morning after sleeping for two hours and I go about my morning routine. I sit down with my espresso and check her Twitter and the last thing she had posted was, \"You're the one I need.\"\n\nMy espresso is still sitting there untouched. I was hit with a wave of emotion and it's feeling worse by the moment. I can barely keep my thoughts together, but what does this have to do with me, you say? Maybe nothing.. this is why I need your help. My thoughts right now, possibly not rational because I'm in tears:\n\nNot only did I fail her in a relationship.. I can't even fucking save her from the pain and abuse I know she's walking back into. What kind of fuck up am I that I can't even help a friend? I care really deeply about her, I think that much is obvious. I don't care if she doesn't love me, like me, or whatever you will. I just value her as a person and a friend and I want her to be happy, but she and I both know after talking last night, that if she walks down this road it's going to not only make her unhappy, but be far, far worse then the last time. \n\nI just don't know what to do. Failing once I can deal with, such is life, right? Failing a second time in a way that is more important to me is unbearable. Maybe it's really none of my business and I should get on with my life. Maybe my emotions are mixed up inside or I'm dealing with two things simultaneously and I'm just confused. Maybe I should stop speculating and see if someone else has some words of wisdom. \n\nThanks.\n\n\n\n\n\n   \n**tl;dr**: Briefly dated a girl, failed. We stayed friends and I am failing at that too. ",
+      "timestamp": 1443361696.0,
+      "upvotes": 3,
+      "num_comments": 15
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "3cyfqc",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My [23F] ex [26M] dumped me, then tried dating his so-called \"best friend\" [20sF]. He says he doesn't want me again, but he keeps dropping breadcrumbs. Why?",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3cyfqc/my_23f_ex_26m_dumped_me_then_tried_dating_his/",
+      "content": "Hey, Reddit. Wall of text, but maybe it's worth the read. This is a post-breakup situation, and I'm not sure what my ex wants from me or how to respond to him.\n\nI [23F] dated my ex, Ben [26M] for several months. We met at an event while I attended college in another city. We hit it off very well from the first meeting, sharing common interests and a sense of humor; we kept in touch constantly. He was a smart guy with a stable career and a fun personality. We went out and did a lot of things together, and he said later that being with me was like an adventure. We had similar tastes in media, food, and hobbies, and we could try new things together and always have a good time. He mused that I was the perfect counter and balance to him; I was everything he said he wanted and needed. He was completely enamored with me, rushing our relationship to \"lock me down\" and telling me he loved me in an embarrassingly short time. He said he knew I'd turn out to be the \"love of his life\" (he's had serious relationships before, but not recently) and that I was his dream girl. I found the early doting odd at the time, and even questioned him a little, but our commitment to each other grew. I met his family, and he genuinely seemed to like me very much and saw a potential future for us.\n\nFor context, there were a few questionable details about him. He acted like he was very social and popular, but he had very few friends he saw on a routine basis. When he took me to his usual haunts, I could tell none of the regulars or employees really seemed happy to see him; he was oblivious to this, so I didn't point it out. Most of his interests didn't seem very well-developed, and outside of what we had in common, he didn't ask me about mine. In fact, we hardly had any deep conversations at all. He liked to live in the moment, sometimes to the point of recklessness (impulse shopping for things he didn't need, got speeding tickets every so often, once drank until he blacked out). He also had this odd trait of making fun of nice people--including friends--for random little details like their weight or for being less cool than him, for no apparent reason. But through it all, he was very sweet and affectionate--at least in the beginning.\n\nI was led to believe it was meant to be, despite many red flags in our relationship; multiple people suggested I was \"dating down\" with him, while others were completely charmed by him. Obviously, it was not meant to be: thanks especially to his \"best friend\" of a few years and our biggest problem, Carla [20s F].\n\nBen let me know early on that \"something happened\" in recent months that caused him to change in his relationships with people, and that he did not want to tell me until I knew him better. I got him to confess eventually: his (intentional, non-committal) manipulating and fooling around with different people, a game to him at the time, wound up including Carla--and the resulting sexual encounter caused him to question whether or not they should date. According to him, they decided not to \"risk the friendship\" and remained friends, admitting there was no point in forcing feelings that weren't already there. I knew I wasn't given the full story, but apparently they had been fairly platonic friends up until then: he was single the whole time he knew her, and she was also frequently single, but they never pursued anything. He claimed it's normal to eventually wonder whether you and a friend should date, but I personally didn't consider attraction to be something you had to think that hard about. FWIW: This all happened before he met me. They continued to date separate people. The way he described it, he shuddered and told me she was like a sister to him.\n\nAlong comes me, and he's crazy about me....he didn't have to think twice about liking me. He was eager to introduce me to all his friends, including Carla. While none of his behaviors with her seemed overtly romantic like he was with me, it was clear that Carla meant a lot to him; I wasn't sure why, as they seemed to have little in common outside of getting together to get drunk and vent about life.\n\nAfter Carla and her boyfriend broke up, she clung to Ben for support because he's basically her only friend. I grew uncomfortable with how close their \"friendship\" was. The biggest issue was how they would talk about *everything* together, yet he would not open up to me....but there were other issues besides this. One of my favorites is how he does certain favors for her: \"she can't afford\" something, for example, but she wears expensive clothes. Sometimes he'd neglect me to text with her or spend time with her, even when I came to visit. I pleaded with Ben to tone it down a little. Beyond telling her to message him less often while he was with me--which he resented--he refused. He grew very impatient with me when I asked for more details about their history; I just wanted to understand it better, but he viewed me as paranoid and unsupportive of his friendships. He begged me to drop the topic. It's not that I brought her up on a daily basis, but I kept returning to it because something just *felt* wrong. Why become defensive over an innocent friendship? Why make your history a secret from the beginning? He insisted I needed to trust him, I had \"nothing to be jealous of,\" and that \"me and Carla? It's not going to happen.\"\n\nEventually, in an attempt to put my foot down and ask for a more honest and meaningful commitment from him, I tried to confront the state of their friendship going forward. I linked him to [this thread](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/rzon6/gf_gave_me_an_ultimatum_concerning_my_best_friend/) once and told him I wasn't giving an ultimatum, but just wanted to point out a similar situation. He brushed it off and said it wasn't the same, as she wasn't trying to get in our way. \"She encourages me to spend more time with you!\" But finally, I tried to let it go. He got disastrously upset during that fight (\"This is how we are with each other, and you should tell me now if you're not okay with it\"), and I stupidly agreed to be the cool girlfriend just so he'd be happy. He was adamant that they had each other's backs and looked out for each other's best interests; this is when he revealed that he had a history of depressive episodes that no one else knew about but her, and she helped him through them--and he did the same for her. He warned me that \"best friends can have a lot of influence on someone. You want her to like you.\" I made a point not to question their friendship anymore, though I felt very hurt that he basically threatened to dump me over it.\n\nThe next few weeks after that were rocky, where he was very passive-aggressive on the daily and stayed out all night, twice, just to get space from me--when I'd gone there to be with him. He'd tell me, \"You're needy, but I still love you\" and asked if I faked being happy with him, and I thought I was going insane: I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. After avoiding me another night I was with him, he came back from work the next day and announced that his \"feelings weren't there anymore\" and dumped me in a very inconsiderate way I won't detail here, with not a hint of guilt or awareness that he was breaking my heart. (No, he didn't cheat.) In fact, he smiled and said, \"I still consider you my friend, like [names of his admitted second-tier, non-Carla friends: yes, he put all of us in a mental rank below hers]. Keep in touch! Just don't flirt with me or anything!\" If I had grinned and told him I was happy to be friends, it would not have occurred to him that anything about that whole scenario was bizarre.\n\nBen said he'd been experiencing doubts prior to the fight (I'd had no idea because he acted affectionate as usual), but he never brought them up or tried to work on them with me; he thought communicating all your problems with your partner was a bad thing because it causes unnecessary tension. He thinks you should get over it internally or talk to an outside friend about it--unless the problem finally becomes big enough for you to bring it up. (A lot of good that did. He also once bragged to me that he used to give advice to people in this subreddit...) He later expressed that I was \"perfect to him in every way,\" he felt too much pressure to be the perfect guy, and my misgivings with his various issues constantly made him doubt himself. I think the fight about her just drove the nail in the coffin. That's my best guess, as \"I don't know\" was the actual reason he gave me for losing his feelings. In frustration over this I said, \"You'll probably wind up with Carla,\" because if his *dream girl* wasn't good enough for him, who else would be?\n\n**Post-breakup**\n\nWell.....Ben soon reconsidered his decision to dump me, but I wouldn't take him back so easily. Given how he'd treated me (those last few weeks and the breakup, and it never registered with him that he hurt my feelings), coupled with his history of depression, I suggested he had personal issues and to seek therapy to fix himself. I guess he didn't like that answer, so he and Carla went on a small trip to \"clear his mind.\"\n\nTaadaa--they drunkenly hooked up, and Carla revealed she had feelings for him. Since Ben had been turning to her for relationship advice the entire time, he realized she probably helped orchestrate our breakup. He got mad at her and confessed to me what he did--after I asked--that I was right, and how he was wrong to trust her. (\"We were drunk. I was stupid and single. When have I ever made a smart decision on my own?\") He still seemed to resent me for not \"accepting\" him and expecting too much from him. He suffered panic attacks and told me he didn't know who to trust anymore, and that he wasn't looking to get involved in a relationship again; he just needed a *real friend.*\n\nI had trouble trusting his honor by this point, and I accused him of never being honest with me about her. He responded,\n\n>I never said I wanted to be with her. Now you're just filling in the blanks. Just because you're right about some things doesn't mean you're right about everything. Unless you're right about that too, and I don't realize it. I don't even know anymore.\n\n(Remember this.)\n\nI told him off in a letter for being a selfish and inconsiderate person. I can tell he read it carefully; bemoaned his regret at giving up \"the perfect girl,\" and he ruminated on how I was \"out of his league\" and that I deserved better. He sounded truly sad that maybe he hadn't really changed from how he used to be. It was the most human he sounded in a while, so I offered to meet up and discuss it in person. He said he wasn't ready to meet, as \"right now he'd blindly rush back into the idea of us together\"--but he needed to \"work on himself\" to become that man I deserved, \"so that's why it can't be now.\" So he asked for a few weeks. I said all right, and suggested we go mostly no-contact to collect our thoughts.\n\nI got a few breadcrumbs from him in the beginning, basically saying how he didn't like being no-contact, then didn't hear from him for two weeks. I wondered whether we would meet at all, until I heard from him: he decided to seek therapy. I applauded his decision and asked him why. That's another mistake I made.\n\nBen admitted, \"Yes, Carla and I made up with each other and tried to start dating. You were right that would happen.\" Yes. I know not a single one of you is surprised.\n\nI wasn't given too many details, or even what spurred him to make this decision after he had just been romanticizing me and promising to meet with me......unless he's a liar too. According to him, he noticed how \"toxic\" her drinking was (she's a severe alcoholic--apparently he couldn't tell in all the time he knew her?), she snuck around him to drink even more, and then she threatened to commit suicide. I guess his commitment-phobic self couldn't handle this either, so after a week or two of \"dating,\" they broke up and got her to seek therapy (the irony stings). He told me he's \"relieved he doesn't have to babysit her anymore and can finally focus on himself.\" Funny, you'd think his decision to date her was the relief that he could finally bang the BFF who sabotages his relationships. (\"She's not really friends with other girls,\" he once happily told me, \"because she says they're too much drama.\")\n\nWell, I guess he got what he wanted all along. I accused him of leading me on, and called him a liar. He said, \"OP, I didn't even know until you pointed it out to me.\" (Flip back to the quote I told you to remember.) HUH? So Ben didn't \"know\" he had feelings for her until I suggested it? He acted completely serious, and I could tell he viewed her as his trustworthy friend, not his love interest, right after we broke up; so I asked what made her appealing all of a sudden. He said that they were comfortable together, and basically that he didn't feel the pressure to open up/be the perfect boyfriend he felt from me. Why the hell did he contact me about the rise and fall of this damned relationship? He said he felt he owed me my \"told you so\" and his honesty. He's the one who dumped me--I don't know why he felt he owed me anything at all.\n\n**The present day**\n\nAfter putting me through hell over questioning the two of them, the betrayal was too much. I've hardly spoken to him since. I blocked him on social media. He seems to have come crawling back now, regretting his decision since he \"screwed up a good thing, twice even, and I know I'm never going to get it back.\" No kidding, Ben, you did not know how to appreciate your girlfriend while you had her. He told me he wants to \"make things right\" with me, whatever the hell that means.\n\nHe absolutely disgusts me now, especially in light of his other negative qualities. But he tells me he's *sooooo lost* and *needs my help* to confront his inner coward. (He clarified again that he doesn't want to be involved with anyone.....like he claimed before dating Carla. So why won't he leave me alone?) He acts like he has no idea what compels him to make all his impulsive decisions. Like my take on this whole mess, which summarizes everything that's happened over the course of one month:\n\n>I love you! Wait not anymore, we're over. Well, now I'm not sure. Oh look, Carla! Nooo, Carla and I aren't friends now. I want to be a better man for you OP! Hold on, I just realized......I love Carla! Wait, no I don't. OP, I regret everything.\n\nRight before the offer of meeting up, he asked for my help. I tried to explain to him in that letter why certain things go wrong in his life, and how he could become a better person.....but we see now what he did with that advice. Excuse me, I meant to say *whom* he did.\n\nSince he still wants no relationship, I don't know what he wants from me or why he stays in touch. He still hasn't apologized for hurting my feelings, as if he completely lacks empathy. He'll just word it like, \"What I did was unfair to you,\" and that's basically his apology. No \"I'm so sorry for everything, OP\" or \"I'm sorry for everything I put you through.\" In fact, not a single question about how my life is going in all this time he hasn't seen me. He's remained friends with his other exes, and I think it drives him insane that one is angry at him and doesn't want to be one of his collectible friends--especially the \"perfect\" one. I think he wants me to absolve his guilt, and to feel better about having a backup friend to Carla in his pocket. Why do I say this? They're each other's only close friends, and probably the only ones reassuring the other that they're awesome. When they're mad at each other, they seemingly have no one else to talk to.\n\nTruthfully, I think the two of them rely on their friendship as a crutch for their self-esteem, because they'd probably do something drastic without each other's support. Ben once told me that Carla is an \"anchor\" through his dark spells, and they help each other through them. I think they genuinely hate their lives and hate themselves, and they know it. This is all speculation on my part. I wanted to be there for Ben, but I've been pushed away every time I told the truth. He plays the part of the victim and begs for pity, but he gives me less reason to feel sorry for him with every shitty thing he turns around and does.\n\nAside from all the obvious problems, I still wonder.....if Carla was just his rebound, or he had unanswered questions about the two of them together.....whether the issue is finally settled. Like I said before, I thought it'd be pretty obvious which people you want or don't want to date. He didn't have to question his attraction to me. If he had to be that curious to try with her, then it was going to remain a problem even if we hadn't broken up. Well, he's found out that the grass wasn't greener on her turf, and now he wants to \"make things right\" with me. He last left me with a message asking how he should do that, and he needs my help. I'm not sure I can trust him this time, romantically or even friend-wise. I don't know if he hopes I'll take him back, or if he just wants another friend, or if he wants me to be his therapist so he doesn't have to make the effort to find one. He seems remarkably good at lying to himself, and as history shows, his reasoning never seems consistent. I strongly suspect he has a personality disorder, and deep down, I think he knows what he's like and wishes he was a better person. What should I do?\n\n**TL;DR** My ex dumped me because my standards were too high, from how he's described it. He tried dating his \"best friend,\" whom he gave me hell for worrying he'd run off to, because she's the opposite of me and accepts him. It didn't work out, and he knows he ruined things with me. He keeps contacting me, asking how to make things right, but his intentions are unclear. What do I do?",
+      "timestamp": 1436653824.0,
+      "upvotes": 12,
+      "num_comments": 20
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "2ty2sh",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My [23F] boyfriend [26M] of 4 months finally broke things off in a codependent friendship with his best friend [early 20'sF] of 3 years.",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2ty2sh/my_23f_boyfriend_26m_of_4_months_finally_broke/",
+      "content": "Okay, Reddit, I could use your advice on this one. Names will be changed to protect the innocent. I'm really sorry about how long this is.\n\nI met Mark on OKCupid and we hit it off really well, stayed up very late talking and arranged to meet the next day for a date, which went smashingly. It ended with pajamas and podcasts and cuddles, and we spent a lot of time talking after online--he's a graduate student, so we're only able to meet approximately weekly, sometimes less, partially because his schedule and the bus schedule don't match well. This is fine with me!\n\nNow, I work in the sex industry doing modeling and camming, and when/how to reveal that was something kind of daunting to tackle. I had recently broke off a relationship that had not yet progressed beyond casual dating because that guy had taken very, very, poorly to my work and kept pressuring me to work in another industry. Mark was very relaxed about it, and told me that it didn't bother him and that he had a good time. I emphasized privacy on this issue--most people I know think I work at a company owned by one of my friends, and this is due to a combination of both concern about social stigma and also for my own safety, because stalking does happen. This will come into it later.\n\nTwo days after our first date, he messaged me expressing frustration that Dana, his best friend, was having a breakdown. He said she often does this over the fact that she is overworked and underpaid in a retail job--you know how it goes. But apparently this time she was frustrated with him and throwing out accusations that he was talking with her less because  he had begun to see me. He told me that this was true, but he said that it was kind of a relief to engage with someone who isn't always miserable and complaining and going to him over and over with the same problems.\n\nThis raised a LOT of red flags for me. He even admitted to me that part of why he was single for so long before I showed up (since 2009) was because he didn't think she would take him dating someone well. I told him that this was a red flag for me, because to me it seemed that either he had taken our first date WAY too seriously, or their relationship was a bundle of drama that I didn't want in my life--either way, it was bad news bears. He elaborated more on their relationship--they had been friends, and she had pursued him, but he rejected her. They then lived together with another housemate and began to have sex regularly. He talked about how she goes to him for everything and it drains him to the point that he resents her, but how he promised her he would never leave so he has to stay to help her with her problems. Very early on, their relationship was good, and he seems to think if he just tries hard enough on his own that it will go back to how it was before it got weird.\n\nHe was pretty receptive when I told him it was a red flag. He admitted he's known for a long time that it's not healthy and a lot of his other friends had told him that was the case, and added that he would make sure to have healthy boundaries in his relationship with her, partly because he wanted to see how things panned out with me and partly because it was a thing he said he knew he should address for his own mental health, especially because balancing grad school and Dana was a lot for him. I was satisfied with this and decided to not pry or bring it up unless it seemed to continue being worrisome.\n\nA few weeks later (in mid-October) he mentioned we couldn't spend time together that weekend because he was going to see \"some friends\" in the town he did his undergrad in. Much later, when he was there, he admitted he was with Dana. I didn't mind much that he hadn't told me it was with her or find it shifty--the conversation we had about it being a red flag was a very hard one, and we put an embargo on hard talks for a little while after, even, to give time to recover. That same weekend, I had a very, very bad fight with my parents about some personal issues that had occurred over the summer, and since I'm prone to pretty big feelings, I had a big breakdown while he was gone. I dealt with it by writing at length and talking to some other friends, and it was no problem. The next day, when he was home, I admitted that my weekend had been rough, and not to worry about it or anything and that I was dealing okay, and he asked if I wanted to call him.\n\nApparently, I learned later, everything had been fine--she hadn't been jealous about me when he tried to gauge things by bringing me up (which, I admit, seemed a little like jumping the gun since we had only been dating a couple reasons, but I could understand why). But apparently, once I called, she grew very upset, left his place, came back and had a breakdown about how he's \u201can integral part of her\u201d and how much she loves him. He rejected her and said if that was the case, she needed to get over him and they couldn't talk. We spent the evening chatting online about his mixed feelings over it of relief and sadness, and also discussed codependency. He agreed it fit them to a T and that he was going to give her space to get over him. I'll admit, I was pretty pleased--his constant frustration with her was kind of a constant, and tended to dominate the topic of conversation. I was really looking forward to getting to know the parts of Mark that weren't wrapped up in her drama.\n\nThings started to go very well, and in late November, almost two months after we started dating, we agreed to be in a relationship. It felt a little early for me, but I get that the label is really important to some people, and I didn't see any reason not to, since I had to admit to myself I was really happy. He spent Thanksgiving with some of his friends and dodged the question as to who, but I felt it was too early to meet my (very intense) family, so I wasn't going to give him a hard time about who he was with. It set off alarm bells, but I managed to shove that aside because as far as I knew, Dana was out of the picture.\n\nIn December he admitted to me that their break had only lasted for about a week, by calling me to ask questions about something related to forms her therapist wanted her friends to fill out and whether or not therapists normally do this. I was very, very mad, and had been planning to go out with friends that night, but texted him a great deal while waiting to meet him. I asked him what had changed in their relationship and he told me she was seeing a therapist, and got defensive and upset when I pointed out that the therapist isn't a part of their relationship. He said that now he turns off Facebook messenger for her when it gets to be too much and ignores her protestations. I tried to explain that he can't fix it himself if she's not on board, and he said he would talk to her about having better boundaries. They did talk, and it went poorly, with her being upset and insisting that there was no problem, but finally acquiescing when he said it would help their relationship.\n\nAfter that point, I tried a few times to bring up the topic and ask how things were going. He would get very angry and defensive every time, which lead to the only fights we've had with each other. He was adamant that their relationship was healthy, and I said that keeping her a secret was like a recovering alcoholic drinking in secret or something, and maybe going out to the pub is no big deal but it is when it's a mental health issue. We talked a lot about codependency. Things were very tense.\n\nI met her in mid-December when he spent his birthday in the hospital because of a genetic health issue. We wandered the hospital for ~45 minutes after visiting hours because we got very lost and couldn't find a soul in the building to ask directions, just making lighthearted conversation. She was a fun and sweet person, and I can see why he really wants a normal friendship with her. She was also very clearly not very mature, which made a lot of her blatant manipulation tactics seem less malicious, although that doesn't excuse it.\n\nIt was weird seeing them together, though. She was kind of domineering, and at one point she bragged that the longest they've gone without talking in three years was a week. I don't think that in itself is unusual, but I think acting like it's something work bragging about is kind of strange. she also let it slip that she knew I was a sex worker, despite my request that if Mark ever did fuck up and tell someone, that he NEVER tell her because she is volatile and unstable and pretty manipulative. I was distraught, and gave Mark a chance to tell me, even asking him if any of his friends had asked about what I do. This was after he was out of the hospital, in late December. He told me they hadn't and I called him a liar, but he insisted. I finally told him that I knew, and that I was hurt that he lied to my face. He broke down crying.\n\nHe promised me he would stop talking to her after a joint birthday party they had planned in January, but apparently the confrontation and break happened before he went to see his family for the holidays. I suspect he was also going to go see her or something, but that's just speculation. He has gone on No Contact with her for as far as I know ever since, though if the topic comes up he emphasizes how he wants to get better and stop being codepedent so they can be friends again.\n\nSo, here's the thing, Reddit: I am not jealous about sexual dalliances, so it's not that I think he's banging her. It's not that she's a girl, either, because he has other close friends who are women. But it's hung over most of our relationship, and honestly, I think I would never have gotten into a relationship with him to begin with if I had actually known she was in the picture. His effort does seem to be in good faith NOW, but. It's hard for me to let go, as much as I have mentally forgiven him. I've spent this whole relationship feeling like a sounding board.\n\nI'm trying to tough it out and things are admittedly really enjoyable. I'm really happy with him. But I feel like the fact that he wants to resume contact with her again in the future when he's decided he's \"better\" is just too much for me. It fills me with dread because I don't want to go back to how things were. I do believe that this could be overcome and they could have a healthy friendship if she were willing to confront it too, but she's not and he seems to think he can make it work by himself. I have been avoiding things like his interest in meeting my family because I think it's unlikely we'll stay together long-term.\n\nI try really hard to be rational, and I am against ultimatums. But I feel like this is a dealbreaker for me. Should I tell him that if she comes back into the picture, I won't be? I don't want it to seem like a threat but I feel like vanishing without warning would be worse. Should I just cut and run? Am I handling this wrong? I am trying to give him space to deal with it and not micromanage his relationship with her--like, at one point he asked me what boundaries he should set and I told him it wouldn't be appropriate for me to dictate that for him.\n\nI'm also concerned as to how the break between them would strain our relationship further. He told me that she has accused him several times of \u201ctaking [my] side\u201d on this issue. She knows about my job and could use that to hurt me very, very deeply if she wanted to.\n\nI just... there isn't really anything to NOT dread about all this, to tell the truth.\n\nAny advice would be helpful.\n---\n\n**TL;DR**: My boyfriend has been in a codependent relationship with his best friend for several years. He's been really shady about this and usually keeps it a secret when he sees her. I don't think they've been having sex or anything, but that's still really weird. I've kind of taken the backseat while he deals with her shit. I don't want to deal with her shit anymore. I'm not sure how to proceed.",
+      "timestamp": 1422435473.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 3
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "23n71z",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I (M/23) was left by my girlfriend (F/19) of a year for another guy. Need some support and insight, please.",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/23n71z/i_m23_was_left_by_my_girlfriend_f19_of_a_year_for/",
+      "content": "It's actually been a month or two since this has happened and it's all either blurry or melted down into some simpler feelings. At the time, it was bad. The only reason I'm posting is because I feel I should be over this by now. I've been left in the past by a different girl for the exact same reason and it only took about a month for me to entirely forget/be ok with what happened. This time, it's pushing 2-3 months and I STILL cannot get this girl out of my head. What the hell is going on this time around?\n\nWe dated for about a year. I actually left her twice because I was having issues with our relationship. She was a bit shady and hid things from me. Nothing terribly huge, but I figured, if enough tiny shit is being hidden, I'm sure some larger things are hidden as well. And I even got that vibe multiple times here and there. I'm still sure there was something going on between her and other guys but I never actually had proof. I was threatened because she was extremely attractive. I'm sure that's what drove her away.\n\nAnyway, I'd leave her thinking I would be better off not always worried and she would be better off not having me hounding her about it. I was doing it for both of us. I figured it would be best for both of us. But a couple weeks would pass and I'd miss her incredibly and she felt the same way. She'd be texting me constantly trying to get back with me. So I would get back with her after a couple weeks. Then a month or two would have passed and I left again. Same reason. I didn't feel secure in the relationship. Probably some personal issues. That can be addressed as well if anyone would like.\n\nAnyway, even after both times leaving, she wanted me back and would accept me instantly. But the last time we got back together, things were different. I could feel her slipping. She was distant. She wouldn't admit it though. Finally she started saying how she doesn't know if she loves me anymore. Wanted some space to think. Got her space. Came back to me and we mutually broke it off. I probably would have done it again anyway because I didn't feel any love from her anymore and it was hurting me. On top of always thinking she was hiding shit. Not a good combo.\n\nWhen I tried to get back with her a few weeks later, she dropped the bomb that she was in a new relationship. My speculation now is, ahhh, now it's all coming together. That's why she was distant last time around. She met him months ago and was falling for him considering I wasn't exactly presenting a secure relationship environment for her. But she wouldn't admit to it. She didn't want to hurt my feelings. She claimed he was just met not long after our split and they started dating. I don't believe her. But that's not my business anymore, is it?\n\nOur last talk (about a month ago) wasn't good. I hung up on her because she wouldn't give me definite answers. I asked if we could try again and she said she wasn't sure. She said she needs time... while dating another guy. I wasn't too thrilled. I'm not going to sit around on the back burner.  She said she doesn't know if she loves me. Doesn't know if we'll work. Doesn't know if we can try again. I asked for a yes or no. A no would have made it easier to leave, I feel. And a yes would obviously not lead me to being here right now asking for help. But she wouldn't pick yes or no. She didn't want to. So I hung up and haven't looked back. But I feel this is all an issue of closure. I feel as though if we could try again, it would be different now considering the time I've had to think.\n\nSo here's why I'm posting. Are scenarios so uniquely different that I can forget a different girl of 3 years, a long time ago, in about a month and this time with this last girlfriend, we date 1 year and I can't get her out of my head for 3 months? What the hell is so different this time? I'd like to think I was equally in love with both girls when I was left. What could be different? It feels like I'll never get over her. Even meeting with new women hasn't done the trick. I've met a few and dated and it didn't work out. They would keep my mind off the ex for a few evenings, but the second I'm home alone, trying to sleep, I'm wide awake, thinking of this last girlfriend, upset. I suppose some relation from someone here and some insight would make me feel better. Or maybe some tips, maybe there is something I am not seeing that you all can from reading my post?\n\nTLDR Recent ex of a year has left me for another guy. Cannot get her out of my head even though I've been through relatively worse scenarios. What's so special this time? What am I missing? How can I get this pain over with? Is this an issue of closure? I know that she's head over heels for the new guy and I'm a fading thought. But if she loved me once, and she even couldn't say no to me when asked if we could try again, how could it die so quickly and she move on? While here I sit, making a post on reddit... thanks in advance everyone.\n\n",
+      "timestamp": 1398131995.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 1
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "23c9fy",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Me [26M] with my fiancee [29F] three years.. she wants to spend all our time together, I need my own time",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/23c9fy/me_26m_with_my_fiancee_29f_three_years_she_wants/",
+      "content": "As the title suggests, I have a fiancee who would like to spend 95% of her time with me. I, on the other hand, desire my own time to be by myself or with friends. I would say that I would like to spend 65~70% of my time with her.\nWhen I communicate my desire to her, she says I'm behaving selfishly, since relationships should by about us, and not just me. I tell her that maintaining my individuality is important to me (having my own friends, being able to hang out with them) and if I don't get it I become resentful. Our conversations reach an impasse there. \n\nNow, I don't think either one of us is necessarily \"correct\", but I want to figure out how we can resolve this in such a way that we're both happy. Let me offer some of my insight into why I think her and I feel the way we do. \n\nShe's from abroad and most of her friends/family is still abroad. She doesn't have many friends here in the U.S. As such, I speculate that she might be expecting me to fill their shoes for her. A.k.a. she wants me to go shopping with her (something I consider girls do together), she wants to talk about drama, etc. She's also told me that she believes couples should spend as much time together to strengthen the relationship.\n\nOne reason for me needing my space is because hanging out with her is rather vanilla (having dinner together, talking about our days, going for walks), and I have a wild side to me. I need to do crazy shit like romping around on motorcycles in the morning with my buddies before work. Or going on epic hikes with buddies to bond. I don't get the same sort of stimulation from hanging out with her. For some reason, if I bring her along on these crazy activities, it's not the same. I can go more into this if desired.\n\nAnother reason is that I'm kind of a loner normally, and I need my own time to recharge. I find it difficult to be with someone perpetually. The longer I don't get this recharge time, the more desperately I need it. \n\nAs such, I'm not sure what we can do to proceed with communication. I want us to both be happy, and would love to hear /r/relationships 2 cents on the issue. I'm not one to get hurt easily, so feel free give it to me straight and I'll attempt to read it objectively. \n\n\n---   \n**tl;dr**: Fiancee thinks a relationship means you're two halves of a whole, whilst I think that it's two wholes coming together. ",
+      "timestamp": 1397805479.0,
+      "upvotes": 3,
+      "num_comments": 6
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1n7ycyf",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Please help I\u2019m in an apartment from hell",
+      "sub": "Advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1n7ycyf/please_help_im_in_an_apartment_from_hell/",
+      "content": "Hi internet strangers ! I\u2019ve never been on here before but I see posts all the time and I really need advice right now so help a girl out please and thanks. I don\u2019t know the specific terms for here or anything so if I do say something stupid I apologize. This is going to be really long too so I\u2019m sorry for that. So basically I\u2019m a 19 year old college student and I just moved into a 2 bedroom apartment with three other roommates on August 1st. I was really excited to have my first place because I had to commute 3 hours on the bus every day to work in the summer. Plus it\u2019s cool to be able to have my own space and everything obviously. Upon moving in, we noticed there were things that needed to be fixed like the shower door being off track. However we simply put in a maintenance request and didn\u2019t stress because that\u2019s to be expected when moving into a new place. However, the brand new refrigerator that my grandpa bought for us just wouldn\u2019t work. We had groceries spoil and we noticed it wasn\u2019t getting cold enough. We thought maybe somehow the fridge is just broken and we can replace it but then when we used our oven for the first time, it not only started smoking out of the front but also the back near the wiring. Obviously it freaked us out because girl what? I thought the whole thing was going to blow up and then there would\u2019ve been no more me. Mind you I was just trying to make a pot pie which was probably my first mistake tbh. Anyway, we asked for maintenance and emailed our apartment a couple times and they dragged it and wouldn\u2019t reply until maintenance finally came. So first, they spent two hours on an outlet and leave at 4:00 because that\u2019s when they are off. However they spent all that time on the outlet only for it to still be having the same issue it was before. Super chill dudes and obviously they aren\u2019t at fault for any of this. The next time, only one comes at first and says the oven probably did that because cleaning residue from their cleaning crew was burning. (Which confused me bc it was smoking from the wiring but hey I assumed im just ignorant). As for the fridge, he said we might have just had our food too close to the back of the freezer. I accepted this answer even thought I didn\u2019t understand but then the other guy came two hours later and said that an outlet we have in the corner of the living room trips the wiring in the kitchen . So they both gave different reasonings. He then tells us we need an electrician and the wall needs to be opened up but the one they book wasn\u2019t available until September 2nd so we had to wait. So for a month we haven\u2019t been eating properly and we\u2019re out $300 in spoiled groceries but we wait anyway. Then the electrician finally comes the other day and he tells us that outlet is fine and the guy basically didn\u2019t know what he was talking about. The same maintenance guys show up and then start backtracking basically saying everything is fine to use. They go back to saying it was the cleaning residue and to replace the fridge because our wiring is fine aside from a few weird outlets. So we could\u2019ve just replaced the fridge on week 1 instead of waiting around for an electrician who determined there was no problem after ten minutes. Secondly, we began to suspect we had a mold problem. In our metal shower door, under our towel rack, and on our toilet pipe there are black spots. Furthermore, the pipe is slightly detached from the wall that leaves an opening into our wall. That day we noticed there was a lot of moisture at the bottom of the wall despite nobody showering that day. The restroom is literally just a toilet and the shower. It\u2019s like a shoe box and there\u2019s no window or proper ventilation in there. However we can\u2019t tell if it\u2019s on the walls because we noticed when we moved here every part of our apartment is covered in thick new paint and it makes it hard for us to open our doors and everything. So today, we have the mold lady come to check and she tells us it\u2019s \u201cprobably from condensation\u201d and that we are fine. On top of all of this as well as the other small things that have been happening, there is a child in the complex whose safety we are concerned about and we don\u2019t know what to do. The people in charge ignore us and generally don\u2019t care about any of the issues we faced. I tried to show up to the office multiple times to discuss things because they don\u2019t close till 4 but almost every single time, it\u2019s always locked even during operating hours. I\u2019ve gone through an unnecessary amount of money this month on top of just paying rent again because all of this. On top of that, after having nobody communicate with us for a month, the people they finally send literally said \u201cI\u2019ve worked here 6 years and never seen this. I believe you but I don\u2019t know what to tell you I\u2019m sorry.\u201d Someone please give me advice because I feel like I\u2019m going crazy and idk what to do! Also, if you know a community I could attach pictures of our suspected mold and other issues to try to get a confirmation, please let me know. Thanks Reddit! ",
+      "timestamp": 1756952991.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 3
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1c90666",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My exfriend/coworker won\u2019t leave me alone?",
+      "sub": "Advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1c90666/my_exfriendcoworker_wont_leave_me_alone/",
+      "content": "What to do about an ex-friend,\n\nHey Reddit. Currently dealing with a weird situation. Long story short I (24F) work with an ex-friend of mine (23M) who has been acting very strange as of late. Let\u2019s refer to him as Dennis. Long story short this ex-friend of mine has been speculated to have had feelings for hence why we are no longer friends since I\u2019m already spoken for. It\u2019s been since last year November that we haven\u2019t spoken and lately he has been very adamant on trying to get my attention. Some examples like talking about things I like around me and also quite literally hovering. I\u2019m all about being cordial but he has also been bothering my friend Cordelia who actually has straight up ignored him and walked away plenty of times. We are just confused into what to do about this. For anyone who knows about Zodiac signs he\u2019s a Scorpio if that helps.",
+      "timestamp": 1713646265.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 3
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "8vobfa",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I (17F) think I\u2019m falling for my best guy friends (17M), who\u2019s dating one of my close girl friends.",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/8vobfa/i_17f_think_im_falling_for_my_best_guy_friends/",
+      "content": "I\u2019m sorry if the formatting of this is wrong, I\u2019m on mobile / very inexperienced with Reddit. \n\nAlright. I\u2019ve got the world\u2019s most clich\u00e9 problem right now. As a disclaimer, I don\u2019t even know if I am for sure falling for him, but I definitely do have some weird feelings. \n\nGuy friend - Jake\nGirl friend - Alice\nMy Ex boyfriend - Tom\nJake\u2019s 1st \u2018gf\u2019 - Jenny\nJake\u2019s 2nd gf - Rachel\n\nI met Jake last year in August when school started (I was a junior, he was a sophomore). It was in an elective class and I noticed he was good at what we were doing/had experience so I wanted to make friends with somebody who knew their stuff as I was just beginning. I also knew the other guy in the group so I just sort of announced I was joining them, to which they welcomed me pretty easily. Our shared passion is filmmaking. \n\nHe was really quick to open up to me. He became a really close guy friend instantly and I enjoyed hanging out. I thought he was flirting with me at first but did not have feelings because we had just met nor was I interested because I had a boyfriend at the time. Turns out he was asking advice because he was pursuing this one girl Jenny. He\u2019s sort of a hopeless romantic, and got his heart broken for a couple days after a month. Like he wanted to tell her he loved her after a week. They were never officially together. \n\nFast forward a couple weeks and he\u2019s pursuing another girl. This new girl Rachel was friends with Jenny (family friends not best friends). I was like wow because he rushed into it really quick. They lasted like a month, also, and he wasn\u2019t really that sad when they broke up as much as Jenny from before (for some reason). \n\nLet\u2019s get some background info on Alice now. We\u2019ve always been in the same friend group, pretty good friends, hung out a few times. Nothing too special though. \nAfter my boyfriend  Tom and I broke up (which was very devastating for me. First love, really enjoyed him, lasted half a year, met the families etc. I loved to support him and I really thought he was my number one), two months or so go by when promposals start up (we have Junior and Senior prom here). There was speculation that Alice was going to go with my ex boyfriend Tom. I was really really hurt, obviously. She was my friend and this was my ex boyfriend who I still loved. The extent of it was Alice asking around if Tom and I were still together/going to prom together (we had gotten back together for a little so it got confusing). I took that the wrong way though, in my sad state of mind, and thought she was trying to get with Tom. \n\nObviously, I ranted to Jake about this. Jake told me all the time how crappy Tom was and I told him how I felt betrayed that Alice would consider going to prom with Tom. Jake agreed and calmed me down. Jake told me if I didn\u2019t have anyone to go to prom with that he\u2019d go with me. (I ended up going with that other guy from our film group earlier on!! it was great)\n\nAfter Jake and Rachel broke up, he started seeing Alice and hanging with her, which was so weird to me. He admitted that they talked while he and Rachel were together but only started TALKING talking until after. I was confused because I honestly thought they didn\u2019t really know each other. \n\nThey started dating quickly after. Nobody expected them to be together just because they\u2019re very opposite, and don\u2019t necessarily seem like a good match. \n\nI told him how I felt weird about them because they were both my friends. I told him I couldn\u2019t treat him the way I usually did because now that he had a girlfriend who I\u2019m close with, it would probably make her jealous. And she wasn\u2019t a fling like Rachel or Jenny. \n\nJake used to rant to me about stupid things that made him jealous or mad that Alice did and one night I blew up on him because he was talking about having babies or some stuff with her. Keep in mind we\u2019re in high school and he was literally ranting to me \nabout stupid things she did. I ignored him for a week and we weren\u2019t friends for that period of time because he thought I was calling their relationship un-genuine (sorry for that terrible adjective but that\u2019s basically it). I was merely saying that he knew it would piss me off to bring up an issue about the fact that she wants kids and he doesn\u2019t when they\u2019d been together for two months, in high school, after ranting to me every time he was irritated with her. I told him how I thought it was dumb how he could be so sure about her after the last two girls. \n\nOther people noticed how we stopped being friends because it was quite common knowledge Jake and I are close. Someone asked Alice why Jake and I weren\u2019t friends, and Alice said it\u2019s because of her (totally wrong). Someone accused me of having feelings for him which is why I got so angry, but (at the time I guess) that\u2019s not true. I just thought he was being unfair and annoying and hypocritical. Eventually I needed my friend back so we talked and made up. After this he hasn\u2019t talked about their relationship in such detail, but he talks about stuff they\u2019re up to like dates etc. \n\nWe\u2019re still closer than ever. We express our feelings about life/stresses about school and work. We rant about things like any normal friend does. \n\nBut now I have become attached in a way that I always want to talk to him. A romantic way seems absolutely outrageous to me but I miss him when I don\u2019t talk or see him. Today I discovered this when he walked into my workplace to say hello and I felt like my life finally came back to me or something. It was great seeing his face after being gone for a while (end of school and he was gone on vaca for a bit). \n\nI really don\u2019t even know what to do. The wise choice would be distance myself to make sure I don\u2019t cause conflict in his own relationship, but I can\u2019t stomach the thought of distancing myself from my BEST guy friend. He\u2019s been there for me when I\u2019ve had trouble sleeping, we FaceTime when I\u2019m bored, he helped me get through my horrible breakup and overall reminds me why I should keep ...existing, for lack of a better word.  He\u2019s the first person I can rant to about ANYTHING without drama erupting. He\u2019s one of the first people I tell my news to. When I need to get a secret off my chest, he\u2019s there, with absolutely no judgements. He keeps me levelheaded and doesn\u2019t just agree with me all the time but helps me through solutions and issues in logical ways. \n\nI feel disgusting. \n\nEDIT: Immediately after posting I realized I should probably include more detail. I still have also weird feelings for my ex Tom, as in I\u2019d be hesitant to get back together but if we talked and figured shit out I would in a heartbeat. We have hooked up casually recently and probably will a couple times. Jake knows this. He essentially tells me I can do whatever I want, it\u2019s my choice, but he thinks I get emotional and should stop getting mad when I see Tom have any interaction with anyone else that\u2019s not me. \n\nTL;DR - I have some weird emotional attachment or feeling to my best guy friend, who\u2019s dating one of my close girl friends & is really happy, but I don\u2019t want to. I need him in a way that would make most people suspicious but I don\u2019t foresee any romantic relationship. ",
+      "timestamp": 1530582526.0,
+      "upvotes": 2,
+      "num_comments": 1
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1jgpxe",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I'm a [19M] with my [19F] GF at ~6 months. She has no friends, and depends solely on me and my friends for entertainment.",
+      "sub": "relationships",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1jgpxe/im_a_19m_with_my_19f_gf_at_6_months_she_has_no/",
+      "content": "This is a follow up to my earlier post \n\nhttp://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1jbviz/i19m_am_in_a_6_month_relationship_with_my_19f_gf/\n\nGave it some thinking. I am very willing to date this girl well into my next year of school. I like her a lot, and enjoy time spent with her. However, there is one dealbreaker issue I've been dealing with since the beginning. \n\nShe has no friends.\n\nI could go on and speculate as to reasons why. It could be that girls just don't like her because of her attitude. We've had tons of talks about \"if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all\" but it seems to do nothing but make her upset. It could be that she always appears to want to be the center of attention, and doesn't care to be wherever she is if she can't be. It could be that her spunky/childish actions just seem immature and obnoxious to onlookers (i find them cute).\n\nI don't know why she doesn't have friends. But since she doesn't, I always feel like she makes me directly responsible for her boredom. When we are together and she wants to be hanging out with more people, it's always my friends that it has to be. But if you read my other post you know a ton of my friends don't exactly like her. \n\nI could be worrying about nothing. We start an entirely new semester of college next year. College is THE place to meet people. She could make more friends than me next year. This is just an issue I'd like some advice on. \n\nTLDR Girlfriend has no friends, depends on me and mine, causes trubs",
+      "timestamp": 1375321335.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 2
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "zf0wxa",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My fianc\u00e9's sister told me she's in love with him",
+      "sub": "TrueOffMyChest",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zf0wxa/my_fianc\u00e9s_sister_told_me_shes_in_love_with_him/",
+      "content": "My fianc\u00e9 and I have been together for 6 years. He proposed last April and our wedding is planned for the same day this coming year. He is super close to all of his siblings (he has 4), but we have always been closest with his sister and her husband since we are the only couples in the family without any kids. She and I have always gotten along really well. We're close in age and share a lot of the same interests. She's always been so kind to me and has truly felt like the sister I never had.\n\nShe's been distant since we announced the engagement. I didn't notice at first because we were so busy with everything. Now looking back at everything, that I can see when she first started distancing herself. But during the summer, she became more and more distant from us and the rest of the family. People were speculating it was her husband's fault since it was so unlike her.\n\nI tried to stay out of it until she didn't RSVP for the wedding. My fianc\u00e9 was furious when the card came back saying she and her husband wouldn't be there. I had to take his phone away from him because he was texting and calling her so much and threatening to go after her husband. I promised him I would go do a welfare check over the weekend.\n\nI went on Sunday morning because I knew her husband would be at church. She had gone with him, so I waited on the porch until they got back and then made up some excuse about things not going well with my fianc\u00e9 to get him to leave us alone.\n\nWell it turns out I could've just asked him for some alone time, because he's not abusive. He hasn't been isolating her. In fact, he's been worried sick thinking the family cut her off. He never saw the RSVP and didn't know that she had sent it back. She told me she needed to distance herself and couldn't tell him why, so she'd been lying instead.\n\nI told her how the family was worried sick about her and was blaming her husband for everything. I asked how she could ignore all those texts from my fianc\u00e9, and she said she hadn't seen them yet. So I told her how he'd reacted and how hurt he was and how worried everyone had been and how I'd never seen him so angry before. And then she started crying and apologizing. She promised she was trying not to hurt my fianc\u00e9.\n\nShe just kept saying that over and over again, and I'm not proud of it, but I lost my temper and yelled at her about how distancing herself from everyone was doing the opposite, and that if she couldn't talk to me about it, then she should at least talk to someone in the family. And then she yelled \"How can I tell anyone I'm in love with him?\"\n\nIt didn't even register that she was talking about my fianc\u00e9. She kept going on and on about how ashamed she was and how it was a sin and how my fianc\u00e9 would be disgusted and I just thought she'd cheated on her husband until she said she hadn't thought of \"him\" as a brother in years and didn't know what to do. She said that the engagement really solidified it for her, and that she loved how happy I make him and that she really wants to be there for him, but she thinks it'll hurt too much to watch him get married, so she'd rather remove herself from the family instead.\n\nI told her I couldn't listen to anymore of it and that I had to go. I couldn't understand any of it. She was hysterical and I just felt numb. I went and sat in my car in a parking lot for a few hours just trying to wrap my head around everything. I texted her asking if anything had ever happened between them and she said no and asked me not to say anything. She promised she would tell her parents she was okay and just wanted space. But I HAVE to tell him. There is no way I can keep this from him. And it destroys me because I know it will break his heart.\n\nWe have a couples counselor for pre-wedding stuff and I called her emergency phone number and explained everything and set up session for tomorrow. So I will tell him then. For now, he knows that she is \"okay\" and that I will explain what she told me in counseling on Thursday. But since I saw her, it's been like an out of body experience. He's clearly worried about the state of our relationship, but he hasn't been pushing for anymore information. And I've just been so numb. I can't even begin to imagine how this is going to affect him and his family. I think I should be disgusted or scared or sad or angry, but I'm just so, so numb. And I can't talk to anyone else about this. I don't know what to do.",
+      "timestamp": 1670419028.0,
+      "upvotes": 3,
+      "num_comments": 6
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "i1ggkt",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "My (22f) step-dad (~49m) has some concerning behavior that has me wondering about a history of sexual abuse in the family. Should I check in with my little brother (11m)?",
+      "sub": "family",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/family/comments/i1ggkt/my_22f_stepdad_49m_has_some_concerning_behavior/",
+      "content": "Hi, all! I'm new to this sub. TW child sexual abuse. Sorry for the length.\n\nBACKGROUND: When I was around 6, my parents divorced and my mom and I moved in with my current step-dad, Jacob (all names changed) and his son, Cedric. Cedric was 10 and regularly molested me in secret for many years whether I was asleep or awake and it only stopped once he moved to his bio mother's house after my little brother was born (mom and Jacob had a kid together). I came forward about this when I was a pre-teen. There was a lot of drama. My mom was in denial and didn't believe me and my step-dad was unreasonably angry with me/mom and protective of Cedric. Nothing really came of it, since they still keep his creepy ass around to avoid more drama.\n\nCedric proceeded to molest another young female family member (my age) who lives in his bio mom's house. This girl also came forward about this years ago and nothing happened. He's \\~26 now. I have no clue how many other girls he's molested, but he's still in the family and I avoid him as much as I can.\n\nMy little brother (who is now 11) has been sheltered from all of this and doesn't know any of the drama. As far as he knows, Cedric is just his cool gamer step-brother who plays games on the Switch with him when he visits.\n\nThere are some things that make me nervous about Jacob:\n\n1. Jacob will STARE at me when I'm walking around the house. I'm quarantined with my mom, Jacob, and my little brother so there's no avoiding that.  When I notice he's staring at me I'll make eye contact which causes him to look away. I notice he also stares at my little brother which makes me wonder if Jacob is just innocently zoning out and doesn't realize that he's staring.\n2. When I was younger, Jacob would give me hugs but his hands would stroke or graze my lower back in a way that wasn't appropriate for a young girl. I brought this up with my mom who just said \"He's not used to having a daughter, so he doesn't realize it would make someone uncomfortable\". He used to ask for hugs and poke fun at me that I would only give him side-hugs or try to hug him with as little contact as possible.\n3. Jacob used to regularly shower with and be naked while changing around my little brother until he was well past walking and talking on his own. Mom seemed fine with this. My bio dad raised me to be really independent and private, so I'm not sure if my mom and Jacob coddled my little brother or I'm projecting my past abuse onto a normal parental situation.\n4. When my mom asked Jacob if Cedric had ever been abused or molested as a kid, Jacob apparently freaked out on my mom and got very defensive. I wasn't there to witness it-- my mom told me this so i don't know to what extent he got defensive and if my mom accidentally said something inflammatory.\n5. Jacob grew up in an abusive environment where an adult authority figure would regularly molest a LOT of kids. I'm not sure if Jacob was ever abused himself but considering the things above, I think it's worth noting.\n\nI'm worried that my little brother might have been the victim of something inappropriate. Where did Cedric learn his behavior? I know that abusers aren't made out of nowhere and I can't help but be extra vigilant with this crazy ass family.\n\nWhat I'm wondering is: should I have a one-on-one talk with my little brother? My mom? Am I crossing a line? And are my concerns even reasonable, or am I just being paranoid? I would be letting him know that if there was ever someone who was inappropriate with him, he could tell me.\n\nI know this is the job of the parents but the way my mom handled news of my abuse makes me want to give my brother a better, more welcoming space to speak up. I just want him to know I got his back. I would never bring up Jacob or Cedric or what happened to me because I'm just speculating and I wouldn't want to damage my brother's relationship with them.\n\nLittle brother and I are close. We bond over video games and skateboarding, or I help him with his homework but we're not \"emotionally\" close if that makes sense. He's the type of kid who's not very good at articulating his emotions and any attempt to have a serious conversation with him (like dealing with a classroom bully, etc.) makes him clearly uncomfortable or overwhelmed and he'll make jokes or mentally shut off until the topic changes. This is with anybody, including me or my mom (he likes us both very much and is very comfortable with us). I don't even know how I would have such a heavy talk with someone who doesn't like to open up. I'm an adult and I can handle Jacob/Cedric being weird towards me now, but I'm extremely protective of my brother and I would do anything to make sure he has a safer and happier childhood than I did.\n\nThanks for reading this far. I'll be posting this to other subreddits too, just to see what others have to say.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTLDR: Step-dad and step-brother both display some concerning behavior, mom is an enabler. I'm worried that my little brother is experiencing some of the same creepy behavior I experienced as a little girl with them. Should I check in with my little brother?",
+      "timestamp": 1596232566.0,
+      "upvotes": 3,
+      "num_comments": 3
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "1glmv8i",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I [18NB] Am Feeling Off With My Partner [19F] and Miss Friends/Exes, Advice?",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1glmv8i/i_18nb_am_feeling_off_with_my_partner_19f_and/",
+      "content": "(This is my first reddit post ever so forgive me if it's too long or my formatting is weird)\n\nConvoluted Backstory (feel free to skip to Main Context, this Backstory may or may not add context): I met my partner [Called Eve for anonymity] 2 years ago in an online game forum (We're Long Distance). I met them as well as their friend (18F) [Who I'll Call A1] at the time, which would kick off the following story: we played a variety of games and I would always view the two as a complete pair- like inseparable. We'd play consistently a few times a week to a few times a month (occasional breaks when I got into relationships) at one point I decided to introduce my at-the-time partner (now ex) (19F) [who I'll call B2] to the two as they had become my best friends, skipping over a rocky connection between A1 and B2, we land in to Eve eventually moving in with B2 due to a bad home life, and during the pick up of Eve I break up with B2 (for them genuinely ruining my mental health and being a bad person over the process of 8 months), B2 essentially spirals over the course of a few months and gets kicked out of the house, but during this spiral A1 and Eve start dating (as I suspected may always happen) and I lose contact with them for a bit so that Eve doesn't have the awkward situation of choosing between me (online) and B2 (who's adoptive mother has now adopted them and is living with). I eventually come back later and things continue as if they had never changed with Eve and A1, I get into a few relationships over a few months and then...\n\nMain Context: After I get out of a relationship, A1 who is dating Eve confesses that they 1. Have had feelings for me for a long time and 2. Are poly. I was unsure what to do as I had always been monogamous and had stereotypes in my head about polyamory, but after a tumultuous few days of us three talking we gave it a shot and over the course of 2 months I'm told by Eve that A1 has been awful to them in their previous monogamous relationship and I had directly seen A1 treat them poorly during our relationship (I also started having my own issues with A1's general behavior), which builds up into multiple discussions and the throuple breaking up, and eventually both of us stop talking to A1, after a month of me having a few FWBs I get back with Eve (monogamous) and we've been dating for 7 months now-\n\nDescribing The Situation: This relationship is the healthiest one I've ever been in, we both are mirror copies of each other's personality, have the exact same vibes and humor (and we had enough differences in interest and life stories/trauma to make it feel as though I'm not just dating myself). There's never been any arguments (we have been frustrated at certain things but always express it in calm discussions, never a second of yelling or full-anger) and we spend everyday playing games together, talking/texting, or watching media, as well as having good sexual compatibility and great intimate moments. Over the past 3 months I've begun feeling just bored in the relationship/like there was something missing.  In month 1 of 3 I thought it was just because of me not talking to anyone but them for the past few months (minus a few irl hangouts with friends) but I've been being more social recently- or that fact that it could be boredom due to it being a LDR. During month 2 of 3 I speculated that I misssd my connection with A1 and B2 (which I feel extremely guilty about if that's the case as Eve adamantly hates both for how they treated them and seeing as I hate reminiscing over exes in my relationships) and maybe that is just the case, maybe my mind just got so used to Eve and A1 being a pair that it feels off with one of them missing from the equation, but as of month 3 of this off-feeling I've begun questioning whether or not I'm poly (which me and Eve have both agreed to never make the relationship non-monogamous due to our own comfort and 'trauma' with polyamory) I feel as though I miss being able to flirt with people freely, and having a few fwbs at once made secure in myself and less insecure in my connections, so all of this is to say: I am conflicted about ending this relationship, but I feel like I am not able to be the genuine partner I was with them anymore and more like I am forcing myself to be that still, I don't fully feel fufilled in the relationship but I have no true conclusion as to why and it feels dumb / disrespectful to end the relationship over the way I've been feeling, as they have been nothing but good to me and it would be out of nowhere for them. I don't want to hurt them but I also don't want to keep faking a role that used to come naturally to me. Lastly, they have been going through some hardships emotionally due to outside events (I have been supporting them) and are stressed about upcoming wants from their current guardian + classes, so also the added guilt of ending one of their main sources of happiness (the relationship) at this time as they don't have many support systems (we are both social hermits and introverts) isn't helping, and they have been planning for me to visit them in a few months (both of us saving up money) but I don't want to keep giving them false hope (or wasting all of that money for the relationship to end not long after).\n\n\nTLDR Section: Past flings, experiences, and desires are catching up to me in my mind whilst I'm in a healthy relationship, I feel bored/off for a reason I'm not fully sure of, causing me to feel guilt amongst more complex outside factors... and I'm questioning if I'm poly.\n\nEnd Goals: 1. I find a way to fill this void/whatever I'm feeling and the relationship continues or 2. The relationship ends and we remain friends (I don't want them out of my life)\n\nI am asking for advice of what I should do here and how I should go about attaining either end goal (while minimizing hurt for Eve if possible)? I am willing to answer any questions or provide context on the situation -if somehow all of this wasn't enough. But I'm just stuck (having even talked to my therapist about it) and feeling guilt/like a bad person.\n\n ",
+      "timestamp": 1730972827.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 1
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "xe9wf1",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "UPDATE: My (23F) mom wants me to forgive my bestfriend knowing she betrayed me",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xe9wf1/update_my_23f_mom_wants_me_to_forgive_my/",
+      "content": " \n\nFew days ago when I posted this on my main, many people asked for an update. So here it is. I knew I cannot allow M in my life. No matter what mom says. But something weird happened that I had to post an update. This is going to be long.\n\nSo I went home this week. My older sister was already there. She told me my mom wanted to invite M and her mom into our house. My dad refused because he doesn\u2019t want to betray me. I was angry at my mom for how she could do it to me. We all sat down. I told my mom how it felt to be betrayed by my friend. I told her that I am not asking her to stop seeing M\u2019s mom but she should just stop forcing me to be friends with her. It\u2019s not going to happen. Even if I forgive her I will not be her friend. She will not be welcomed in our house. She got mad and said we should learn to let go of the past. I also asked her what if M\u2019s mom had an affair with dad and you walked in on them while they were doing it. I expected her to be mad but her expression was shocking. I don\u2019t know how to describe it. It is as if I predicted something. My dad stepped in and said, \u201cYou should tell her now. She is old enough to know.\u201d Then I heard the entire history of mom, dad and M\u2019s mom.\n\nM\u2019s mom was a serial cheater. She cheated on her ex-husband with multiple men. My mom didn\u2019t know. She did have hints but never confronted her. Apparently she got pregnant with AP\u2019s baby and tried to pass it on as M\u2019s father\u2019s. But M\u2019s father was smart. He did a DNA test on the baby (M\u2019s half brother) and the truth came out. My mom did berate her for that but M\u2019s mom was very remorseful. She begged and pleaded with her husband to stay but her husband didn\u2019t. I looked up dude on social media and he is filthy rich. Probably \u2018Batman\u2019 kinda rich without all the gadgets. He hired a lawyer and also had a prenup. M\u2019s mom didn\u2019t get a single dime for alimony but he did pay child support for a while. He didn\u2019t wanted the custody because M technically knew about her mother\u2019s affair but didn\u2019t say anything. M was 7 when it happened. She would always talk about her dad no.2. I never knew. Probably because I thought that she was talking about her uncle or something. M\u2019s dad only got the visitation which he wanted. But M stopped going when she turned 15. My mom helped her get back on her feet because she was broke and M\u2019s child support only supports her only and not the entire family. 3 years after their divorce M\u2019s dad got married again to someone younger than M\u2019s mom. I also dug up his name and saw that he was happy with his new family. So the day he got married M\u2019s mom went into deep depression. She was very much drunk and that b\\*itch tried to make a move on my dad. My dad pushed her away.\n\nMy dad told my mom but she denied something like that happened. Until M\u2019s mom called and apologized for her behavior. She forgave her. But according to my dad and older sister, she would still make excuses to get closer to dad. My sisters spent their time keeping her away from dad. Dad never liked her for what she did. Her husband was my dad\u2019s business partner at that time. Dad only tolerated her for mom and my sake. So back to our conversation, I looked at my mom and she told me that it was different because my dad never had an affair. I asked if she would have forgiven her if the affair happened? She was silent. I asked her to give me an actual reason why she thinks I should forgive M. Then she told me the truth. M\u2019s mom has been sort of blackmailing mom to cut off contact with her. My mom doesn\u2019t have many friends in town. M\u2019s mom was her best friend. According to her logic, she cannot be in a house where her daughter is not invited. Also as I mentioned in one of the comments, my mom had a miscarriage when I was 4years old. M\u2019s mom helped her a lot during that time. When my mom was jaded she would clean her house and bring M. That\u2019s how we became friends. lol My mom pretty much saw M as her fourth child. She was probably trying to fill the space that her miscarriage left. So losing M felt like losing her baby again. That\u2019s why she wants us to reconcile. Not because of M but also because she is afraid her friendship will come to an end. I was very upset by it. But I understood her. I told her M\u2019s mom is welcome here anytime (though I have no respect for her now.) but M will not set foot in this house. And told her to get therapy because she had a very unhealthy attachment to M. \n\nI was conflicted. I was disappointed in M's mom. She seems like a really nice lady. When L cheated on me, I remember crying to her. She consoled me and felt genuinely sorry. So I did something out of the blue. I texted M\u2019s mom that I want to meet her alone. We went to a public place. My sister knew. She told me to record the conversation. (It is not illegal here). So I met her. I told her everything my mom told me. I also told her that she is welcome in our house but she cannot bring M. She didn\u2019t try to argue. She told me she should have known. She never wanted her daughter to become like her. Her infidelity has made her life hell. M could\u2019ve had a beautiful childhood if she never cheated on her husband. Her husband was a great guy. She still feels guilty about doing this to him. She wishes she could go back in time and undo her mistake. I said that even though I don\u2019t have the same amount of respect for her I don\u2019t mind having her around. My family is okay with that. The woman started crying. She finally spilled the beans after a year. She told me she knew about M and L. She knew L was cheating on me with M. She told her daughter to stop it but M said she is only FWB with L. And they will stop in a few weeks. Her mother told her that if she continues this, then she better conceal it properly. She only allowed this because she knew her daughter had an obsession with L. She thought it would help M to get this obsession out of her system. \n\nI was fuming. I wanted to yell but I kept my cool. She knew this entire time and not once she mentioned it. I asked her about her flirting with my dad. That\u2019s when she showed me what a snake she truly is. I pressed her and berated her for trying to destroy my mom\u2019s marriage. Once she had enough she yelled that my mom doesn\u2019t deserve any of this. She is very lame and boring. She was only friends with her because she pitied her. My mom comes from a poor household. She doesn\u2019t have much education. She went to a very underfunded college but M\u2019s mom went to a prestigious college. She is not even at her (M\u2019s mom) level. She said my dad doesn\u2019t deserve a street rat like her. I wanted to leave but I wanted to take everything on the recording. But I had enough. I told her more or less yelled at her that she is not welcome in our house. She is a liar and a cheater and so is her daughter. \n\nI cannot believe this woman. She has been manipulating my mom all this time. As soon as I got home, I told my mom everything about this. My mom refused to believe her friend would say something. My sister who is a freaking genius played the audio. I now understand why she told me to record. After hearing the entire thing, she grabbed her phone and called her. She yelled. I could hear words like - sl\\*ut, wh\\*ore in my native language. She said that if she sees her again she will rip her eyes out. It was kinda shocking. One minute she was praising her and then she was yelling? But moreover, I am happy she cut off all the toxicity. I feel bad for mom. I can relate because we both lost our close friends. We sat down and chatted. She told me how being a sahm was difficult for her to make friends with. M was her close friend. She always looked up to her because she was really popular in our community. She wanted to be like her. My dad always disliked that. My mom also told me that she is sorry. That she was selfish. She enabled her so far that she hurt her own daughter. She feels guilty. I understand her. My dad said that she is putting her on therapy because she clearly has some trauma from her miscarriage and also from her childhood. I told her that she can still make great friends. She cut off all her friends for M\u2019s mom. I told her to try and reconnect with them. I am also going to spend some time with her too in case she doesn\u2019t feel alone.\n\nAll of this drama has made me realize I have a great dad. I have a newfound respect for him. Even when he was vulnerable, he never gave in to M\u2019s mother\u2019s flirting. He helped my mom when she had a c-section with me. He understands that being a sahm is difficult. He loves her regardless. Many people speculated if my mom is a cheater or not but let me clarify, it is not the case. She is very loyal to my dad. She was the oldest of 7 siblings and she had to keep her family together at all cost. Hence, her pressure to me for forgiving M.\n\nAlso as for my ex, he texted me on my birthday last month. He wished me a happy birthday and said that he was sorry for what he did. He also said that M is a great girlfriend who helped him after our breakup and helped him \u201cheal\u201d. There was like an entire paragraph of him praising M. And to quote him \u201cI do not regret loving you. It is because of you I learned how to love. That\u2019s why I am able to become such a good partner to M. I hope someday you will find someone good enough for you. I wish you all the best.\u201d What a clown. I showed this to my boyfriend. He laughed and said, \u201cI guess his wish has come true.\u201d I do not care if they marry or have like 100 babies. I am done with them. Someone pointed out that they did a huge favor because they are both trash and deserve each other. It\u2019s true. At least they won\u2019t be wasting other people\u2019s time with their toxicity. \n\nAs for me, I am doing fine. I am planning a trip with my bf and friends after my finals. And thanks to all of you who messaged me and commented. Also idk if this counts as karma but M got into a fight with one of her friends (she knew about the affair). My friend went to a party this week. She told me M and a friend of hers had a fight. Apparently, that friend accused her of stealing her boyfriend. According to my friend they were not doing anything other than chatting. The girl came onto M and said \"well I should've known, given your history as a man stealer\". This is now her reputation. Even if she tried to say she wasn\u2019t flirting no one was buying it. Lol.",
+      "timestamp": 1663181346.0,
+      "upvotes": 96,
+      "num_comments": 13
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "18b34t1",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Am I (23M) not being compassionate to my GF (29F)?",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/18b34t1/am_i_23m_not_being_compassionate_to_my_gf_29f/",
+      "content": "i don\u2019t know what to do.  \nsome background info: i have an instagram account that i originally was using as a second account where i would post click bait content to promote a gym/hustling lifestyle that would sell my drop-shipping products. i would use many techniques to boost engagement by manipulating the algorithm. including following accounts that are active within my niche.\n\n  \nat some point i gave up on the product pushing and mindless algorithm tricks and turned the account into my personal fitness page. my mistake, however, was that instead of sifting through my follows to remove all the \u2018algorithm manipulation accounts\u2019 i had followed in mass, i just unfollowed accounts as i saw their posts appear on my feed.\n\n  \nand as a result, of course, the inactive accounts remained in my follow list, some of which were promiscuous in nature. this didn\u2019t cross my mind and remained an unconsidered fact about my account. weather this was subconscious laziness, ignorance or just stupidity, i do not know.\n\n  \nbut here is the twist.  \nlast night my girlfriend had a scroll through my follows and saw these promiscuous accounts. i explained myself in full and in truth, outlining my past algorithm tricks and my poor effort of cleaning up (unfollowing the nonsense) before making it my day to day account.\n\n  \ni know. this all sounds like i\u2019m a lying piece of shit. i assure you, i\u2019m just dumb as f\\*ck.\n\n  \nthis led her to a place of mistrust. i don\u2019t blame her for that. but she asked to see my instagram messages. this is where i fell into a pit of challenging decisions.\n\n  \ni have boundaries. i don\u2019t believe in showing your partner your messages. i don\u2019t think it inspires or nurtures trust and i think it\u2019s a plague that once let out spreads like rats. \u201ci don\u2019t believe in that\u201d i said. \u201cthis is the only time i will ask\u201d she said. \u201cand what if you ask again?\u201d i asked, (she had asked before and also said she would never again). i told her (like i told her before) \u201cif i say yes to this now to prove my innocence, and i say no to it next time to protect my boundaries, how can you trust me?\u201d. it has to be always or never. pandora doesn\u2019t come in small packages.\n\n  \nthis of course put her in a state of anxious mistrust and exclaiming an assortment of phrases such as \u201ci don\u2019t deserve to be treated like this\u201d and \u201cif you\u2019re going to be afraid to show me your messages then i\u2019m going to reconsider this relationship\u201d. this is where i began to ponder the ethics of her composure.\n\n  \nshe then left for a walk and when she returned, she read on the couch in silence, never removing her headphones. i sat beside her, facing her with open and vulnerable body language, wondering if i should ask for her attention or give her time. after about 45 minutes she got up and said \u201ci\u2019m going to sleep\u201d and went to her room. i slept on the couch. maybe it was my duty to drive her into a fight to gain resolution. but it felt like i was supposed to give her space and maybe that was poor judgment.\n\n  \nthe next morning she came out, showered, got ready and left. she messaged me \u201ci\u2019m going for a walk\u201d. i was once again left in her apartment, with no prospect of her returning with intention of acknowledging my existence. i felt alone and away from home. i felt cornered in enemy territory. i couldn\u2019t think and i needed to be free of the manoeuvring psychological passive aggressions that filled this environment with cold, paralysing air. i was weak. i replied to her message \u201ci\u2019m going home\u201d.  \ni\u2019m now at home and wondering what to do.\n\n  \nher absence of any interest in resolution or understanding, and the unsheathed use of 'feminine warfare' enrages me.  \ni am innocent of the crimes of my heart, soul, and loyalty that i am being tried for, i am guilty only of stupidity and ignorance of the mind. for my true crimes i will accept punishment and fair trial, but in the presence of premature speculation and assumption followed by immediate marshal condemning, i will not stand and be accused of lies.  \nwhat do i do?  \nwould a good man have stayed in her apartment and waited for her to return?  \nat what point is enough enough?  \nwas leaving justified?  \nafter all, the conflict birthed from my own ignorance.",
+      "timestamp": 1701748569.0,
+      "upvotes": 0,
+      "num_comments": 2
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "rel3fv",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Caught in the middle of a potentially toxic roommate situation, don't know how to proceed",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rel3fv/caught_in_the_middle_of_a_potentially_toxic/",
+      "content": "Background: I (30F) live with a couple (26M and 25F). 26M and I are in the same field. We have all lived in the same apartment (they pay 2/3, I pay 1/3 shared expenses) for seven months. I thought about putting this in r/roommates but this isn't really about them as roommates. It's more about all of us as friends.\n\nWhen we all moved in together, I was in a bad way. I'd just been broken up with, my last living grandfather had just passed, and my former living situation went bad (roommate brought his brother to live with us \"temporarily\" and he ended up indefinitely sleeping on the couch). They were both really supportive and now, seven months later, I'm doing a lot better. I'm more self-contained (in a good way), I'm a lot more confident in my decision-making skills, I've made some new friends, and I got a new job that I really like.\n\nWe've had some adjustment wrinkles, and unfortunately, because of my permanent minority position, a lot of pressure has been put on me to accommodate them rather than the other way around. For the most part, I've been indifferent to it because it's stuff that I really don't feel strongly about like how the furniture is arranged. But on the off chance I DID have a problem, no I didn't, you know?\n\nA couple of days ago, there was an unintentional incident that rattled all three of us. Call it a scary close-call. The next few days were super, super tense and I finally addressed the elephant in the room. And shit hit the fan after that. They're both super pissed at me now saying it was inappropriate for me to bring it up and that it's none of my business. But like, it became my business which is why I said something.\n\nNow, 26M has completely turned it around on me and the conversation is about how I'm unwilling to communicate and he feels like he can't talk to me. 25F has come at me twice very aggressively about some trumped up shit that I had to de-escalate both times. I think this is how they're responding to the trauma of the incident. I have a suspicion that they both needed me to have problems so they didn't have to deal with any of their own stuff and now that I'm better there's other stuff coming up for them that they've neglected to deal with before.\n\nMy plan of action is to try and remain as compassionate and empathetic as I can, but to set firm boundaries if I feel like they're projecting or speculating on my character. Is this what I should do? I feel like I have to \"be the adult\" here, which isn't fair because I'm a person with needs too.\n\nTL;DR: Roommates are lashing out at me for addressing an incident that negatively affected all three of us.\n\nEdit: Said incident was a night terror from 26M. According to him, he'd never had one before and this one was really really bad. Like, flailed around, hurt himself, and caused damage to the actual apartment.",
+      "timestamp": 1639299491.0,
+      "upvotes": 15,
+      "num_comments": 19
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "v3hhrc",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "I [27M] am on a break with my recent partner [30F] and not sure what exactly to do.",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/v3hhrc/i_27m_am_on_a_break_with_my_recent_partner_30f/",
+      "content": "I met someone some a while ago. She was a mutual friend that I have never met before. One night, I ask her a goofy question about rotisserie chickens, and fast forward she became my girlfriend a month later. We spend so much time talking and a decent amount hanging out. Talking on the phone for 2-3 hours at a time. Some background on her is that she is divorced. She mentally checked out of her relationship with her ex 2 years before divorcing him. She then planned on moving back to the city we both live in, but her sister insisted she move in with her rent free. The situation with her sister was very traumatic, where her sister essentially wanted her to be her live-in maid. My partner did not have a house key was was not allowed to leave, so she had to sneak out. She was mentally abused by her sister. Her sister displays symptoms of BPD, but that is pure speculation. What is certain is that she was mentally and verbally abused by her sister. \n\nShe then moved back here and met me. Our relationship was the first healthy one that her and I both had. We love each other. I live in a close-knit city where everyone knows each other, and she was constantly being asked why she moved back. Here comes the reason for the break: She works 2 service jobs and realized that she is 30 and isn\u2019t in the career she wants to be in. She panicked with our relationship because it was moving fast. Neither of us put the blame on either, it all was organic. She\u2019s been incredibly stressed, so she said she thinks it would be best if we split. We split up earlier this week on Monday. She said she has to work on herself and doesn\u2019t have a timeline. I admitted to my own faults and said I also have some things to work on too, like my health. The past few days have been miserable for me. I have cried my eyes out and will be starting therapy next week. I called her last night because I realized that I did not say to her exactly what was on my mind on Monday. I told her that I miss her and that I am in love with her. I told her that I understand she needs to figure things out on her own, but I will wait no matter how long that takes. She said that she would love for us to get back together, but her future is uncertain. I then spilled more of my guts, saying that because we both agreed we will not date, sleep with, or talk to anyone else in a flirtatious/romantic manner, that I think we should compromise the split and take it back to when we first started seeing each other. That we go on a date once a week tops, occasionally talk to each other throughout the week, and restart from scratch while keeping in mind everything we have said. She said she wanted that too.\n\nThe advice I\u2019m asking for is how to stay sane and remember to breathe through this process. I don\u2019t want to view this as pissed off waiting, but knowing that there is a process and will take time. I know that the future is not certain. I just am wondering the amount of space to give her. We have been really good communicators and I will be seeing her in person this Saturday. I just want to do the right thing and as cliche as it is, follow my heart.\n\ntl;dr gf and I are on a break. We talked about getting back together, I\u2019m scared and want to keep myself collected and do the right thing",
+      "timestamp": 1654200063.0,
+      "upvotes": 1,
+      "num_comments": 6
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "fz09tm",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "Dealing with my desire to see sex workers",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fz09tm/dealing_with_my_desire_to_see_sex_workers/",
+      "content": "Hello all :)\n\nBrief introduction: 25 year old Canadian male. About 3 months ago in late January, I lost my virginity to a sex worker at a massage parlour here in Montreal. I had been a virgin who had never been intimate with a female in any way whatsoever. I badly wanted to know what sex felt like. Before giving in, I had fought hard to prevent myself from going to this massage place (debated the idea in my head for 5 months and kept pushing through until I couldn't handle it anymore and decided to go one day no matter what). The next day, I went again and had sex with another masseuse . Right after these encounters, I felt deep shame and guilt, all of which have since subsided. In fact looking retrospectively at these experiences at the moment, I cannot help but reminisce vividly about the sessions almost everyday. Up until this day, I have been battling the urges to do it again. I still have not gone back or seen a sex worker ever since. Yet the urges have been very strong to do it once more.\n\nThere are a number of reasons why I have been trying to prevent myself from engaging in a third encounter. First, in Canada where I live, paying for sex is illegal but selling sex is not. Generally police don't care about consenting adult prostitution but since the law exists, you never know when their priorities may change. As such, I have been scared to death of the off chance of getting busted and arrested for purchasing sex. Tbh, it seems the chances of this happening are low since police are mostly busy with dealing with trafficking and situations where minors are involved instead but that is only an educated guess and not an objective analysis. Erotic massage parlours offering sex in Canada are everywhere and flourishing across the country. Yet, since the law exists and the possibility of getting arrested for something like this is totally frightening to me (it would be a fate worse than death for me), I have been trying not to take my chances with the law even if the risk is low. Yet the urges are super strong and there are times where I feel I have no choice but to succumb to them. Currently, thanks to covid19, these places appear to be temporarily closed and at the same time, I am doing my part self-isolating and that also means a no to hiring sex workers or meeting any person. My concern, however, is that these urges will be much harder to fight when the pandemic ends and things get back to normal. The covid19 excuse will be lifted and I will be tempted so hard to go again and risk a low and spontaneous chance of arrest. Hiring a sex worker for an outcall appears to be much safer legality wise since the police are not really going to come to your home and conduct a sting. Yet, the anxiety of inviting a stranger to your home far supersedes the anxiety of going to a discrete establishment which offers these services and which I have already done twice.\n\nI am quite lonely and never been in a relationship in my life. It will take some time to work on things I need to work on for that to happen (getting in shape, improving social skills around girls). I have already started working on these things and I am not discounting getting into a relationship in the future. But it may take time. Say a few years at the very least to get into a more confident position, physically and mentally. I also do not want to seek a relationship for the sole purpose of satisfying my sexual urges or for the sole purpose of sex because by definition that wouldn't really be a loving relationship. The idea of getting into a relationship to me seems to be a way to circumvent the sexual urges and render them as no longer relevant by eclipsing them with something that feels so much better (say mutual love, caring for someone else etc). But given the chance that this possibility may take time to materialize if it is ever even destined to happen, the real issue seems to be how I will be able to deal with my very strong sexual urges in the meantime. Can I really completely block those urges for a few years at least when I am finally ready to put myself out there. Getting sex organically seem to not be an option. As I said, I am out of shape, lack confidence, and self-esteem. I also don't feel comfortable trying to manipulate people into having sex with me. That sounds quite creepy and may be unwelcome. You also never know what a random person's attitudes to sex are. Some girls may simply not be into it and thus it may be quite offensive especially also that sex is quite taboo in many cultures. A sex worker on the other hand is upfront about sex and the arrangement is quite direct as what its goals are. Which is why it seems to have been the most logical option to pursue in order to fulfill my desires. Obviously it is quite expensive but I can choose to do it at very spaced intervals (say every 6 months) and save for it by spending less on things I don't much need. But, then again, the legal situation is so complicated and hazy that I feel so uneasy and uncomfortable going that route.\n\nA third option is to find a way to block my sexual urges completely. So far, I have been doing that by taking walks/reading interesting books whenever the urges happen and they tend to work but I am not going to lie, sometimes the urges are super strong and particularly in the morning when my libido is highest. Can I really hang on to these urges for years? I question my ability to do that. How will I deal with my loneliness and low self-esteem in the meantime? I mean a main reason why seeing sex workers seemed a good option to me was the possibility that it may fix my shyness around girls and boost my very low self-esteem by giving me some validation. The fact that a woman allowed me to be intimate with her even if artificially so still did something to my super low self-esteem. I liked the interactions I had with the sex workers I saw. I treated them super nicely and they told me I was quite respectful to them. They were happy and friendly . And I still reminisce happily about those interactions I had. They were very intimate and taught me things about sex. So, I am left wondering why the taboo exists around consenting adults sharing moments like this together just if an exchange of money is involved. By doing so, I am also supporting sex workers and their work. Given that the law exists however criminalizing any purchase of sexual services, I feel I should not take my chances with the law further however.\n\nHow would you act in a situation like this? I am totally lost as to what I should do and how to proceed forwards in my life.\n\nI am in not in a very good state mentally since I have been going through a lot, first the stress around my first sexual experience took long to dissipate and I have been thinking deeply and been having a lot of intrusive thoughts about what I did and examining what I want in life, so please if you have any negative comments or insults, I would really appreciate it if you don't leave them here. My poor mental state cannot handle any more negativity (I spent a lot of time crying the past few months) :( I am trying to be a better person I promise you.\n\nThank you so much and sorry for the long post :)",
+      "timestamp": 1586594208.0,
+      "upvotes": 7,
+      "num_comments": 6
+    },
+    {
+      "id": "f0r83",
+      "score": 7.0,
+      "title": "College girlfriend and I want to live together for economic reasons.",
+      "sub": "relationship_advice",
+      "url": "https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/f0r83/college_girlfriend_and_i_want_to_live_together/",
+      "content": "My girlfriend and I have been dating for less than six months.  I consider both of us to be rather rational individuals.  We are also very compatible with each other, and are constantly communicating everything that is on our minds.  I know we're probably still in the \"honeymoon\" phase, but this is someone I seriously feel like I could spend the rest of my life with.  We both live on campus, but want to move to an apartment because it would save a lot of money. (There are apartments available which would cut our living expenses in half.)  Economically speaking, this would be a no-brainer.  But is this a good move for our relationship?  We've spent a whole week talking about it and can't come up with any problem which would ruin our relationship.  We both have stable finances, communicate effectively, respect each other's space, etc.  Obviously, just because I can't think of a problem wouldn't mean there isn't going to be one, and since I'm rather young (we're both 20), I lack the experience to back up my confidence.  So RA, tell me, can it work?  Are we crazy to try?\n\n\nAlso, I should clarify that this particular move would be just for college, and after graduation we are open to the idea of living apart for career purposes until we both find stable jobs.\n\n\nEdit: Thank you for the advice so far.  I do appreciate everyone being brutally honest (of course that's what I've come to expect from r/RA).",
+      "timestamp": 1294815698.0,
+      "upvotes": 3,
+      "num_comments": 15
+    }
+  ]
+}
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@@ -0,0 +1,42 @@
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+    "query": "(space traveler OR cosmonaut OR \"space explorer\") AND (speculation OR conjecture OR \"educated guess\") AND (Reddit OR r/ OR \"internet forum\")",
+    "criteria": "reddit astronaut theory",
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index b281849..b6717dc 100644
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-    await fetchAndRenderSubreddits();
-    addNewGroup();
-    fetchSavedQueries();
-    fetchHistory();
-    toggleTimeFilter();
-    updateExplainer();
-
-    // Listeners
-    const deepScan = document.getElementById('deep_scan');
-    if (deepScan) {
-        deepScan.addEventListener('change', function () {
-            const manualInput = document.getElementById('scan_limit');
-            manualInput.disabled = this.checked;
-            manualInput.style.opacity = this.checked ? "0.5" : "1";
-            updateExplainer();
-        });
-    }
+// --- STATE MANAGEMENT ---
+let currentCuration = {
+    description: "",
+    constraints: [],
+    variations: [],
+    results: [],
+    stats: { fetched: 0, analyzed: 0, approved: 0 }
+};
+
+let tournamentData = {};
+let userFavorites = {};
 
-    const rawInput = document.getElementById('raw-query-input');
-    if (rawInput) {
-        rawInput.addEventListener('input', syncRawToBuilder);
-    }
+document.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', () => {
+    loadSubreddits();
+    loadHistory();
+    loadUserFavorites();
 });
 
-// --- AI QUERY GENERATOR ---
-async function generateAIQuery() {
-    const inputField = document.getElementById('ai-gen-input');
-    const desc = inputField.value;
-    // Find the button next to the input
-    const btn = inputField.nextElementSibling;
-
-    if (!desc.trim()) return alert("Please describe what you want first.");
-
-    // UI Loading State
-    const originalText = btn.innerText;
-    btn.disabled = true;
-    btn.innerText = "Generating...";
-
-    try {
-        const res = await fetch('/api/generate_query', {
-            method: 'POST',
-            headers: { 'Content-Type': 'application/json' },
-            body: JSON.stringify({
-                description: desc,
-                provider: document.getElementById('provider').value
-            })
-        });
-
-        const data = await res.json();
-
-        if (data.query) {
-            // Set the raw input
-            document.getElementById('raw-query-input').value = data.query;
-            // Update the visual builder
-            syncRawToBuilder();
-        } else {
-            alert("AI Error: " + (data.error || "Unknown error"));
-        }
-    } catch (e) {
-        console.error(e);
-        alert("Network Error: Check console logs.");
-    }
-
-    // Reset UI
-    btn.disabled = false;
-    btn.innerText = originalText;
+// --- API WRAPPERS ---
+async function api(endpoint, method = 'GET', body = null) {
+    const options = {
+        method,
+        headers: { 'Content-Type': 'application/json' }
+    };
+    if (body) options.body = JSON.stringify(body);
+    const res = await fetch(endpoint, options);
+    return res.json();
 }
 
-// --- SYNC LOGIC: RAW <-> BUILDER ---
-
-// 1. Raw Text -> Visual Builder
-function syncRawToBuilder() {
-    const raw = document.getElementById('raw-query-input').value;
-    const container = document.getElementById('builder-container');
-    container.innerHTML = ''; // Clear visual builder
-
-    // Parse logic: Match (groups)
-    const parenRegex = /\(([^)]+)\)/g;
-    let match;
-    let found = false;
-
-    while ((match = parenRegex.exec(raw)) !== null) {
-        found = true;
-        // Split by OR, remove quotes if present
-        const groupTerms = match[1].split(/ OR |\|/i).map(s => s.trim().replace(/"/g, '')).filter(s => s);
-
-        if (groupTerms.length > 0) {
-            // Add group without triggering sync back (prevent loop)
-            const groupDiv = addNewGroup(false);
-            const termContainer = groupDiv.querySelector('.terms-container');
-            termContainer.innerHTML = '';
-            groupTerms.forEach(term => addTermToContainer(termContainer, term, false));
-        }
-    }
-
-    // If empty/invalid, reset to one empty group
-    if (!found && raw.trim() === '') {
-        addNewGroup(false);
-    }
+// --- INITIALIZATION ---
+async function loadSubreddits() {
+    const subs = await api('/api/subreddits');
+    document.getElementById('subs-input').value = subs.join(', ');
+}
 
-    updatePreviewOnly();
+async function loadUserFavorites() {
+    userFavorites = await api('/api/favorites');
 }
 
-// 2. Visual Builder -> Raw Text
-function syncBuilderToRaw() {
-    const groups = document.querySelectorAll('.query-group');
-    let blocks = [];
-
-    groups.forEach(group => {
-        const inputs = group.querySelectorAll('input');
-        let terms = [];
-        inputs.forEach(inp => {
-            const val = inp.value.trim();
-            if (val) terms.push(val);
-        });
-
-        if (terms.length > 0) {
-            // Join terms with OR, wrap in quotes for safety
-            const quotedTerms = terms.map(t => `"${t}"`);
-            blocks.push(`(${quotedTerms.join(" OR ")})`);
-        }
-    });
+async function initCuration() {
+    const desc = document.getElementById('description-input').value;
+    if (!desc) return alert("Please enter a description");
 
-    // Join groups with AND
-    const rawString = blocks.join(" AND ");
-    document.getElementById('raw-query-input').value = rawString;
-    updatePreviewOnly();
-}
+    const btn = document.getElementById('init-btn');
+    const originalContent = btn.innerHTML;
+    btn.disabled = true;
+    btn.innerHTML = '<i class="fa-solid fa-spinner fa-spin"></i> Generating...';
 
-// --- BUILDER FUNCTIONS ---
+    try {
+        const data = await api('/api/curate/init', 'POST', { description: desc });
 
-function addNewGroup(triggerSync = true) {
-    const container = document.getElementById('builder-container');
-    const groupDiv = document.createElement('div');
-    groupDiv.className = 'query-group';
-    groupDiv.innerHTML = `
-        <div class="group-header">
-            <span>MUST MATCH (AND)</span>
-            <button class="btn-icon" onclick="removeGroup(this)" title="Remove Group">&times;</button>
-        </div>
-        <div class="terms-container"></div>
-        <button class="btn-add-term" onclick="addTerm(this)">+ Add "OR" Term</button>
-    `;
-    container.appendChild(groupDiv);
+        currentCuration.description = desc;
+        currentCuration.constraints = data.core_constraints;
+        currentCuration.variations = data.variations;
 
-    // Add default empty input
-    if (triggerSync) {
-        addTermToContainer(groupDiv.querySelector('.terms-container'), "", true);
+        renderSetup(data);
+        document.getElementById('curation-setup').style.display = 'block';
+        document.getElementById('curation-setup').scrollIntoView({ behavior: 'smooth' });
+    } catch (e) {
+        alert("Error initializing curation: " + e.message);
+    } finally {
+        btn.disabled = false;
+        btn.innerHTML = originalContent;
     }
-    return groupDiv;
 }
 
-function addTerm(btn) {
-    addTermToContainer(btn.previousElementSibling, "", true);
+function renderSetup(data) {
+    // Render Constraints
+    const cList = document.getElementById('constraints-list');
+    cList.innerHTML = data.core_constraints.map(c => `
+        <div class="constraint-tag">
+            <span class="constraint-theme">${c.theme}</span>
+            <span class="constraint-desc">${c.terms.slice(0, 3).join(', ')}...</span>
+        </div>
+    `).join('');
+
+    // Render Variations Preview
+    const vPreview = document.getElementById('variations-preview');
+    vPreview.innerHTML = data.variations.map(v => `
+        <div class="variant-card">
+            <div class="variant-type">${v.type}</div>
+            <div class="variant-query">${v.query}</div>
+            <div style="font-size:0.75rem; color:#64748b; margin-top:4px;">${v.reasoning}</div>
+        </div>
+    `).join('');
 }
 
-function addTermToContainer(container, value = "", triggerSync = true) {
-    const row = document.createElement('div');
-    row.className = 'term-row';
-    row.innerHTML = `
-        <input type="text" placeholder="keyword..." value="${value}" oninput="syncBuilderToRaw()">
-        <button class="btn-icon" onclick="removeTerm(this)">&times;</button>
-    `;
-    container.appendChild(row);
-
-    // Only focus if adding manually
-    if (!value && triggerSync) row.querySelector('input').focus();
-
-    if (triggerSync) syncBuilderToRaw();
-}
+// --- PIPELINE EXECUTION ---
+function startPipeline() {
+    const desc = currentCuration.description;
+    const subs = document.getElementById('subs-input').value;
 
-function removeTerm(btn) {
-    btn.parentElement.remove();
-    syncBuilderToRaw();
-}
+    // UI Reset
+    document.getElementById('pipeline-status').style.display = 'block';
+    document.getElementById('tournament-view').style.display = 'none';
+    document.getElementById('results-view').style.display = 'none';
+    document.getElementById('logs-container').innerHTML = '';
+    document.getElementById('tournament-results').innerHTML = '';
+    document.getElementById('posts-container').innerHTML = '';
 
-function removeGroup(btn) {
-    btn.closest('.query-group').remove();
-    syncBuilderToRaw();
-}
+    // Reset Stats
+    updateStats({ fetched: 0, analyzed: 0, approved: 0 });
+    tournamentData = {};
 
-// --- DATA EXTRACTION ---
-function getBuilderData() {
-    const groups = document.querySelectorAll('.query-group');
-    let logicalGroups = [];
-    groups.forEach(group => {
-        const inputs = group.querySelectorAll('input');
-        let terms = [];
-        inputs.forEach(inp => { if (inp.value.trim()) terms.push(inp.value.trim()); });
-        if (terms.length > 0) logicalGroups.push(terms);
+    const params = new URLSearchParams({
+        keywords: currentCuration.variations[0].query, // Default
+        criteria: desc,
+        subreddits: subs,
+        tournament: 'true',
+        exhaustive: 'false',
+        target_posts: '10'
     });
-    return logicalGroups;
-}
 
-function updatePreviewOnly() {
-    const groups = getBuilderData();
-    const previewBox = document.getElementById('combo-preview');
-    if (groups.length === 0) { previewBox.innerHTML = "Add terms..."; return; }
+    const eventSource = new EventSource(`/stream?${params.toString()}`);
 
-    const combinations = cartesian(groups);
-    let html = "";
-    const displayLimit = 20;
+    eventSource.onmessage = (e) => {
+        const data = e.data;
 
-    combinations.slice(0, displayLimit).forEach(combo => {
-        const line = Array.isArray(combo) ? combo.join(" + ") : combo;
-        html += `<div class="preview-item">🔎 ${line}</div>`;
-    });
-
-    if (combinations.length > displayLimit) {
-        html += `<div class="preview-item" style="color:#888">...and ${combinations.length - displayLimit} more combinations</div>`;
-    }
-    previewBox.innerHTML = html;
-}
-
-function cartesian(args) {
-    if (args.length === 0) return [];
-    const r = [], max = args.length - 1;
-    function helper(arr, i) {
-        for (let j = 0, l = args[i].length; j < l; j++) {
-            const a = arr.slice(0); a.push(args[i][j]);
-            if (i == max) r.push(a); else helper(a, i + 1);
+        if (data.startsWith('<<<TOURNAMENT_START>>>')) {
+            document.getElementById('tournament-view').style.display = 'block';
+            const variations = JSON.parse(data.replace('<<<TOURNAMENT_START>>>', ''));
+            renderTournamentBase(variations);
         }
-    }
-    helper([], 0);
-    return r;
-}
-
-// --- SUBREDDIT MANAGER ---
-async function fetchAndRenderSubreddits() {
-    try {
-        const res = await fetch('/api/subreddits');
-        const data = await res.json();
-        activeSubreddits = data;
-        renderSubreddits();
-    } catch (e) { console.error(e); }
-}
-
-async function syncSubreddits() {
-    await fetch('/api/subreddits', {
-        method: 'POST',
-        headers: { 'Content-Type': 'application/json' },
-        body: JSON.stringify(activeSubreddits)
-    });
-}
-
-function renderSubreddits() {
-    const container = document.getElementById('sub-list-container');
-    container.innerHTML = '';
-    activeSubreddits.forEach(sub => {
-        const tag = document.createElement('span');
-        tag.className = 'sub-tag';
-        tag.innerHTML = `r/${sub} <span class="remove-sub" onclick="removeSub('${sub}')">&times;</span>`;
-        container.appendChild(tag);
-    });
-    updateExplainer();
-}
+        else if (data.startsWith('<<<TOURNAMENT_RESULT>>>')) {
+            const result = JSON.parse(data.replace('<<<TOURNAMENT_RESULT>>>', ''));
+            updateTournamentResult(result);
+        }
+        else if (data.startsWith('<<<SEARCH_PASS>>>')) {
+            const info = JSON.parse(data.replace('<<<SEARCH_PASS>>>', ''));
+            showSearchPass(info);
+        }
+        else if (data.startsWith('<<<POST_SCORED>>>')) {
+            const post = JSON.parse(data.replace('<<<POST_SCORED>>>', ''));
+            // Optionally add to a live feed
+            log(`⭐ [${post.score.toFixed(1)}] r/${post.sub}: ${post.title.substring(0, 50)}...`, "success");
+        }
+        else if (data.startsWith('<<<SEARCH_STATS>>>')) {
+            const stats = JSON.parse(data.replace('<<<SEARCH_STATS>>>', ''));
+            updateStats({
+                fetched: stats.fetched,
+                analyzed: stats.analyzed,
+                approved: stats.scores.high
+            });
+        }
+        else if (data.startsWith('<<<APPROVED_POSTS>>>')) {
+            const posts = JSON.parse(data.replace('<<<APPROVED_POSTS>>>', ''));
+            finalizeResults(posts);
+            eventSource.close();
+            loadHistory();
+        }
+        else {
+            log(data);
+        }
+    };
 
-async function addSubreddit() {
-    const input = document.getElementById('new-sub-input');
-    let val = input.value.trim().replace(/^r\//, '');
-    if (val && !activeSubreddits.includes(val)) {
-        activeSubreddits.push(val);
-        renderSubreddits();
-        input.value = '';
-        await syncSubreddits();
-    }
+    eventSource.onerror = () => {
+        log("❌ Connection Closed", "warning");
+        eventSource.close();
+    };
 }
 
-function handleSubInputKey(event) { if (event.key === 'Enter') addSubreddit(); }
+// --- UI COMPONENTS ---
 
-async function removeSub(sub) {
-    activeSubreddits = activeSubreddits.filter(s => s !== sub);
-    renderSubreddits();
-    await syncSubreddits();
+function renderTournamentBase(variations) {
+    const container = document.getElementById('tournament-results');
+    container.innerHTML = variations.map(v => `
+        <div class="variant-card" id="v-${v.type}">
+            <div class="variant-header">
+                <div class="variant-type">${v.type}</div>
+                <div class="stat-val" id="score-${v.type}">--</div>
+            </div>
+            <div class="variant-query">${v.query}</div>
+            <div class="variant-stats">
+                <div class="stat-item">
+                    <span class="stat-val" id="hq-${v.type}">0</span>
+                    <span class="stat-label">Matches</span>
+                </div>
+                <div class="stat-item">
+                    <span class="stat-val" id="avg-${v.type}">0</span>
+                    <span class="stat-label">Avg Score</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <div class="progress-bar-bg"><div class="progress-bar-fill" id="pb-${v.type}"></div></div>
+        </div>
+    `).join('');
 }
 
-// --- SETTINGS UI ---
-function updateExplainer() {
-    const box = document.getElementById('logic-explainer');
-    if (!box) return;
+function updateTournamentResult(res) {
+    const card = document.getElementById(`v-${res.type}`);
+    if (!card) return;
 
-    const target = document.getElementById('target_posts').value;
-    const isDeep = document.getElementById('deep_scan').checked;
-    const limit = document.getElementById('scan_limit').value;
-    const subs = activeSubreddits.length;
-    const chunk = document.getElementById('ai_chunk').value;
+    document.getElementById(`score-${res.type}`).innerText = res.v_score.toFixed(1);
+    document.getElementById(`hq-${res.type}`).innerText = res.high_quality;
+    document.getElementById(`avg-${res.type}`).innerText = res.avg_score.toFixed(1);
 
-    let text = "";
-    if (isDeep) {
-        text = `Script will scan the <strong>combined stream of ${subs} subreddits</strong> (Server-Side). It stops as soon as it finds <strong>${target} candidates</strong>.`;
-    } else {
-        text = `Script will scan the <strong>newest ${limit} posts</strong> across all ${subs} subreddits simultaneously.`;
-    }
-    text += `<br><br>Then, the LLM will analyze these <strong>${target} candidates</strong> in groups of <strong>${chunk}</strong>.`;
-    box.innerHTML = text;
-}
+    const pb = document.getElementById(`pb-${res.type}`);
+    pb.style.width = '100%';
+    pb.style.background = '#10b981';
 
-function toggleTimeFilter() {
-    const sortVal = document.getElementById('sort_by').value;
-    const timeSelect = document.getElementById('time_filter');
-    const timeContainer = document.getElementById('time_filter_container');
+    tournamentData[res.type] = res;
 
-    if (sortVal === 'top' || sortVal === 'relevance') {
-        timeSelect.disabled = false;
-        timeContainer.style.opacity = "1";
-    } else {
-        timeSelect.disabled = true;
-        timeContainer.style.opacity = "0.5";
+    // Check if winner
+    const all = Object.values(tournamentData);
+    if (all.length === 5) {
+        const winner = all.sort((a,b) => b.v_score - a.v_score)[0];
+        document.getElementById(`v-${winner.type}`).classList.add('winner');
+        log(`🏆 Winner: ${winner.type} variant`, "success");
     }
 }
 
-// --- SAVE / LOAD ---
-async function saveCurrentQuery() {
-    const name = document.getElementById('save-name').value.trim();
-    if (!name) return alert("Please enter a name.");
-
-    const payload = {
-        groups: getBuilderData(),
-        criteria: document.getElementById('criteria').value,
-        target_posts: document.getElementById('target_posts').value,
-        deep_scan: document.getElementById('deep_scan').checked,
-        ai_chunk: document.getElementById('ai_chunk').value,
-        scan_limit: document.getElementById('scan_limit').value,
-        provider: document.getElementById('provider').value,
-        subreddits: activeSubreddits,
-        sort: document.getElementById('sort_by').value,
-        time: document.getElementById('time_filter').value,
-        post_type: document.getElementById('post_type').value
-    };
-
-    await fetch('/api/queries', {
-        method: 'POST',
-        headers: { 'Content-Type': 'application/json' },
-        body: JSON.stringify({ name, payload })
-    });
-
-    document.getElementById('save-name').value = "";
-    fetchSavedQueries();
-    alert("Saved!");
+function showSearchPass(info) {
+    const el = document.getElementById('pass-info');
+    el.style.display = 'block';
+    document.getElementById('current-query').innerText = info.query;
+    document.getElementById('current-sort').innerText = info.sort.toUpperCase();
+    document.getElementById('current-limit').innerText = `limit: ${info.limit}/sub`;
 }
 
-async function fetchSavedQueries() {
-    const res = await fetch('/api/queries');
-    const data = await res.json();
-    const select = document.getElementById('saved-list');
-    select.innerHTML = '<option value="">-- Select a Preset --</option>';
-    for (const [name, payload] of Object.entries(data)) {
-        const opt = document.createElement('option');
-        opt.value = name;
-        opt.textContent = name;
-        opt.dataset.payload = JSON.stringify(payload);
-        select.appendChild(opt);
-    }
-}
+function updateStats(stats) {
+    document.getElementById('stat-fetched').innerText = stats.fetched;
+    document.getElementById('stat-analyzed').innerText = stats.analyzed;
+    document.getElementById('stat-approved').innerText = stats.approved;
 
-async function deleteSelectedQuery() {
-    const select = document.getElementById('saved-list');
-    const name = select.value;
-    if (!name) return;
-    if (confirm("Delete " + name + "?")) {
-        await fetch('/api/queries/' + encodeURIComponent(name), { method: 'DELETE' });
-        fetchSavedQueries();
+    if (stats.approved >= 10) {
+        document.getElementById('stat-approved').style.color = '#10b981';
     }
 }
 
-function loadSelectedQuery() {
-    const select = document.getElementById('saved-list');
-    const selectedOpt = select.options[select.selectedIndex];
-    if (!selectedOpt.value) return;
-
-    const payload = JSON.parse(selectedOpt.dataset.payload);
+function finalizeResults(posts) {
+    currentCuration.results = posts;
+    document.getElementById('results-view').style.display = 'block';
+    document.getElementById('results-view').scrollIntoView({ behavior: 'smooth' });
 
-    // Rebuild visual from data
-    document.getElementById('builder-container').innerHTML = '';
-    payload.groups.forEach(groupTerms => {
-        const groupDiv = addNewGroup(false);
-        const container = groupDiv.querySelector('.terms-container');
-        container.innerHTML = '';
-        groupTerms.forEach(term => addTermToContainer(container, term, false));
-    });
+    const container = document.getElementById('posts-container');
+    container.innerHTML = posts.map((p, i) => renderPostCard(p, i)).join('');
 
-    // Sync to Raw
-    syncBuilderToRaw();
-
-    document.getElementById('criteria').value = payload.criteria || "";
-    document.getElementById('target_posts').value = payload.target_posts || 20;
-    document.getElementById('ai_chunk').value = payload.ai_chunk || 5;
-    document.getElementById('scan_limit').value = payload.scan_limit || 100;
-    document.getElementById('provider').value = payload.provider || "mistral";
-
-    if (payload.sort) document.getElementById('sort_by').value = payload.sort;
-    if (payload.time) document.getElementById('time_filter').value = payload.time;
-    if (payload.post_type) document.getElementById('post_type').value = payload.post_type;
-    toggleTimeFilter();
-
-    const deepBox = document.getElementById('deep_scan');
-    deepBox.checked = payload.deep_scan || false;
-
-    if (payload.subreddits) {
-        activeSubreddits = payload.subreddits;
-        renderSubreddits();
-        syncSubreddits();
-    }
-    updateExplainer();
+    document.getElementById('results-meta').innerText = `${posts.length} high-quality matches found`;
 }
 
-// --- HISTORY PANEL ---
-function toggleHistoryPanel() {
-    const panel = document.getElementById('side-panel');
-    const overlay = document.getElementById('panel-overlay');
-    panel.classList.toggle('open');
-    overlay.classList.toggle('show');
-}
+function renderPostCard(p, index) {
+    const score = (typeof p.score === 'number') ? p.score.toFixed(1) : "N/A";
+    const isFavorited = !!userFavorites[p.id];
 
-async function fetchHistory() {
-    const container = document.getElementById('history-list');
-    container.innerHTML = '<p style="color:#666; text-align:center;">Loading...</p>';
-    try {
-        const res = await fetch('/api/blacklist');
-        const data = await res.json();
-        const items = Object.values(data).reverse();
+    // Simple keyword highlighting based on description/query
+    let highlightedTitle = escapeHtml(p.title);
+    let highlightedContent = escapeHtml(p.content || "");
 
-        if (items.length === 0) {
-            container.innerHTML = '<p style="color:#666; text-align:center;">No history found.</p>';
-            return;
-        }
+    const terms = currentCuration.description.split(' ').filter(t => t.length > 3);
+    terms.forEach(term => {
+        const regex = new RegExp(`(${term})`, 'gi');
+        highlightedTitle = highlightedTitle.replace(regex, '<mark>$1</mark>');
+        highlightedContent = highlightedContent.replace(regex, '<mark>$1</mark>');
+    });
 
-        container.innerHTML = '';
-        items.forEach(item => {
-            const div = document.createElement('div');
-            div.className = 'history-card';
-            let criteriaShort = item.criteria || "None";
-            if (criteriaShort.length > 50) criteriaShort = criteriaShort.substring(0, 50) + "...";
-
-            div.innerHTML = `
-                <h4><a href="${item.url}" target="_blank">${item.title}</a></h4>
-                <span class="meta-tag">🔎 Query: ${item.keywords}</span>
-                <span class="meta-tag">🤖 Criteria: ${criteriaShort}</span>
-                <div style="margin-top:5px; font-size:0.8em; color:#666;">ID: ${item.id}</div>
-            `;
-            container.appendChild(div);
-        });
-    } catch (e) {
-        container.innerHTML = '<p style="color:red; text-align:center;">Error loading history.</p>';
-    }
+    return `
+        <div class="post-card">
+            <div class="post-header">
+                <span class="post-sub">r/${p.sub}</span>
+                <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:12px;">
+                    <button class="btn btn-outline" style="padding:4px 8px;" onclick="toggleFavorite('${p.id}', ${index})">
+                        <i class="fa-${isFavorited ? 'solid' : 'regular'} fa-star" style="color:${isFavorited ? '#f59e0b' : 'inherit'}"></i>
+                    </button>
+                    <span class="post-score">${score}</span>
+                </div>
+            </div>
+            <h3 class="post-title"><a href="${p.url}" target="_blank">${highlightedTitle}</a></h3>
+            <div class="post-content" id="content-${p.id}">${highlightedContent}</div>
+            <button class="btn btn-outline" style="margin-top:8px; font-size:0.75rem;" onclick="toggleExpand('${p.id}')">Toggle Expand</button>
+            <div style="margin-top:12px; display:flex; gap:8px; flex-wrap:wrap;">
+                ${(p.tags || []).map(t => `<span class="tag-pill">${t}</span>`).join('')}
+            </div>
+        </div>
+    `;
 }
 
-async function clearHistory() {
-    if (!confirm("Clear all history?")) return;
-    await fetch('/api/blacklist/clear', { method: 'POST' });
-    fetchHistory();
+async function toggleFavorite(postId, index) {
+    const post = currentCuration.results[index];
+    if (userFavorites[postId]) {
+        await api(`/api/favorites/${postId}`, 'DELETE');
+        delete userFavorites[postId];
+    } else {
+        await api('/api/favorites', 'POST', post);
+        userFavorites[postId] = post;
+    }
+    // Re-render specifically this card or all
+    finalizeResults(currentCuration.results);
 }
 
-// --- EXECUTION ---
-function startScan() {
-    const logs = document.getElementById('logs');
-    const results = document.getElementById('results');
-    const btn = document.querySelector('#mode-curator .scan-btn');
-    const keywordString = document.getElementById('raw-query-input').value;
-
-    if (!keywordString) return alert("Add keywords first!");
-
-    logs.innerHTML = "🚀 Initializing...";
-    results.innerHTML = "";
-    btn.disabled = true;
-
-    const params = new URLSearchParams({
-        keywords: keywordString,
-        criteria: document.getElementById('criteria').value,
-        provider: document.getElementById('provider').value,
-        target_posts: document.getElementById('target_posts').value,
-        deep_scan: document.getElementById('deep_scan').checked,
-        ai_chunk: document.getElementById('ai_chunk').value,
-        scan_limit: document.getElementById('scan_limit').value,
-        subreddits: activeSubreddits.join(','),
-        debug: document.getElementById('debug_mode').checked,
-        sort: document.getElementById('sort_by').value,
-        time: document.getElementById('time_filter').value,
-        post_type: document.getElementById('post_type').value
-    });
-
-    const eventSource = new EventSource("/stream?" + params.toString());
-
-    eventSource.onmessage = function (e) {
-        if (e.data.startsWith("<<<HTML_RESULT>>>")) {
-            const htmlContent = e.data.replace("<<<HTML_RESULT>>>", "").replaceAll("||NEWLINE||", "\n");
-            results.innerHTML = htmlContent;
-            eventSource.close();
-            btn.disabled = false;
-            logs.innerHTML += "\n✅ Process Complete.";
-            logs.scrollTop = logs.scrollHeight;
-            fetchHistory();
-        } else if (e.data.startsWith("<<<APPROVED_POSTS>>>")) {
-            // Handle new approved posts format with scores
-            try {
-                const approvedData = JSON.parse(e.data.replace("<<<APPROVED_POSTS>>>", ""));
-                renderApprovedPosts(approvedData);
-            } catch (err) {
-                console.error("Error parsing approved posts:", err);
-            }
-        } else {
-            logs.innerHTML += "\n" + e.data;
-            logs.scrollTop = logs.scrollHeight;
-        }
-    };
-
-    eventSource.onerror = function () {
-        eventSource.close();
-        btn.disabled = false;
-        logs.innerHTML += "\n❌ Connection Closed.";
-    };
+function toggleExpand(id) {
+    document.getElementById(`content-${id}`).classList.toggle('expanded');
 }
 
-// Mode 2
-function startDiscovery() {
-    const logs = document.getElementById('logs');
-    const resultsBox = document.getElementById('discovery-results');
-    const btn = document.querySelector('#mode-discovery .scan-btn');
-    const keywordString = document.getElementById('raw-query-input').value;
-
-    if (!keywordString) return alert("Add keywords first!");
-
-    logs.innerHTML = "🌍 Starting Global Discovery...";
-    resultsBox.innerHTML = "";
-    btn.disabled = true;
-
-    const params = new URLSearchParams({
-        keywords: keywordString,
-        limit: document.getElementById('disc_limit').value,
-        criteria: document.getElementById('disc_criteria').value,
-        provider: document.getElementById('provider').value
-    });
-
-    const eventSource = new EventSource("/stream_discovery?" + params.toString());
-
-    eventSource.onmessage = function (e) {
-        if (e.data.startsWith("<<<JSON_CARD>>>")) {
-            const sub = JSON.parse(e.data.replace("<<<JSON_CARD>>>", ""));
-            renderDiscoveryCard(sub);
-        } else if (e.data.includes("<<<DONE>>>")) {
-            eventSource.close();
-            btn.disabled = false;
-            logs.innerHTML += "\n✅ Discovery Complete.";
-        } else {
-            logs.innerHTML += "\n" + e.data;
-            logs.scrollTop = logs.scrollHeight;
-        }
-    };
-
-    eventSource.onerror = function () {
-        eventSource.close();
-        btn.disabled = false;
-        logs.innerHTML += "\n❌ Connection Closed.";
-    };
+function escapeHtml(text) {
+    const div = document.createElement('div');
+    div.textContent = text;
+    return div.innerHTML;
 }
 
-function renderDiscoveryCard(sub) {
-    const box = document.getElementById('discovery-results');
+function log(msg, type = "info") {
+    const container = document.getElementById('logs-container');
     const div = document.createElement('div');
-    div.className = 'sub-card';
-    const safeDesc = sub.description ? sub.description.substring(0, 150) + "..." : "No description.";
-    div.innerHTML = `
-        <h4>r/${sub.name}</h4>
-        <span class="stats">Matches found: ${sub.hits}</span>
-        <p>${safeDesc}</p>
-        <button class="btn-add-sub" onclick="addDiscoverySub('${sub.name}', this)">+ Add to List</button>
-    `;
-    box.appendChild(div);
+    div.className = `log-entry ${type}`;
+    div.innerText = `[${new Date().toLocaleTimeString()}] ${msg}`;
+    container.appendChild(div);
+    container.scrollTop = container.scrollHeight;
 }
 
-async function addDiscoverySub(name, btn) {
-    if (!activeSubreddits.includes(name)) {
-        activeSubreddits.push(name);
-        renderSubreddits();
-        await syncSubreddits();
-        btn.innerHTML = "✅ Added";
-        btn.style.background = "#2b7bd6";
-        btn.disabled = true;
-    } else {
-        alert("Already in your list!");
-    }
+// --- HISTORY & NAVIGATION ---
+function toggleHistory() {
+    const panel = document.getElementById('side-panel');
+    const overlay = document.getElementById('overlay');
+    panel.classList.toggle('open');
+    overlay.classList.toggle('show');
 }
 
-// Global state
-let approvedPostsData = [];
-let userFavorites = {};
+async function loadHistory() {
+    const data = await api('/api/results');
+    const container = document.getElementById('history-container');
 
-async function loadUserFavorites() {
-    try {
-        const resp = await fetch('/api/favorites');
-        if (resp.ok) {
-            userFavorites = await resp.json();
-        }
-    } catch (e) {
-        console.error("Failed to load favorites", e);
+    if (data.length === 0) {
+        container.innerHTML = '<div style="text-align:center; color:#64748b; margin-top:20px;">No history found</div>';
+        return;
     }
-}
-
-// Ensure favorites are loaded when page loads
-document.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', loadUserFavorites);
-
-function renderApprovedPosts(posts) {
-    approvedPostsData = posts;  // Store for export
-    const box = document.getElementById('results');
-    if (!box) return;
-
-    let html = '<div class="results-header">';
-    html += '<h3>✅ Approved Posts (' + posts.length + ')</h3>';
-    html += '<button class="btn-export" onclick="exportResults()" style="background:#10b981;margin-left:10px;">📥 Export Results</button>';
-    html += '</div>';
-    html += '<div class="approved-posts">';
-
-    posts.forEach((post, idx) => {
-        const score = post.score || 0;
-        const scoreClass = score >= 80 ? 'score-high' : (score >= 60 ? 'score-medium' : 'score-low');
-        const isFavorited = !!userFavorites[post.id];
-
-        // Date formatting
-        const dateStr = post.timestamp ? new Date(post.timestamp * 1000).toLocaleDateString() : 'Unknown Date';
-
-        // Tags rendering
-        let tagsHtml = '';
-        if (post.tags && post.tags.length > 0) {
-            tagsHtml = '<div class="tag-list">';
-            post.tags.slice(0, 8).forEach(tag => {
-                tagsHtml += `<span class="tag-pill">${escapeHtml(tag)}</span>`;
-            });
-            tagsHtml += '</div>';
-        }
 
-        const longContent = post.content && post.content.length > 500;
-        const contentHtml = post.content ?
-            `<div id="content-${idx}" class="approved-content ${longContent ? 'collapsed' : ''}">${escapeHtml(post.content)}</div>` :
-            '';
-        const toggleHtml = longContent ?
-            `<button class="show-toggle" onclick="toggleContent(${idx})">Show More ↓</button>` :
-            '';
-
-        html += `
-            <div class="approved-card">
-                <div class="approved-header">
-                    <div>
-                        <span class="sub-tag">r/${post.sub}</span>
-                        <div class="post-date">${dateStr}</div>
-                    </div>
-                    <div style="display:flex; align-items:center; gap:10px;">
-                        <button class="fav-btn ${isFavorited ? 'active' : ''}" 
-                                onclick="toggleFavorite('${post.id}', ${idx})" 
-                                title="Favorite this post for better learning">
-                                ${isFavorited ? '★' : '☆'}
-                        </button>
-                        <span class="score-tag ${scoreClass}">Score: ${score}</span>
-                    </div>
+    container.innerHTML = data.map(item => {
+        const date = new Date(item.timestamp * 1000).toLocaleString();
+        return `
+            <div class="history-item" onclick="loadSavedResult('${item.id}')">
+                <div class="history-date">${date}</div>
+                <div class="history-query">${item.criteria || item.query}</div>
+                <div class="history-stats">
+                    <span><i class="fa-solid fa-file-lines"></i> ${item.count} posts</span>
                 </div>
-                <h4><a href="${post.url}" target="_blank">${escapeHtml(post.title)}</a></h4>
-                ${contentHtml}
-                ${toggleHtml}
-                ${tagsHtml}
-                <div class="approved-meta" style="margin-top:10px;">ID: ${post.id}</div>
             </div>
         `;
-    });
-    html += '</div>';
-
-    box.innerHTML = html;
+    }).join('');
 }
 
-function toggleFavorite(postId, idx) {
-    const isFavorited = !!userFavorites[postId];
-    const post = approvedPostsData[idx] || Object.values(userFavorites).find(p => p.id === postId);
+async function loadSavedResult(id) {
+    toggleHistory();
+    const data = await api(`/api/results/${id}`);
 
-    if (isFavorited) {
-        // DELETE
-        fetch(`/api/favorites/${postId}`, { method: 'DELETE' })
-            .then(() => {
-                delete userFavorites[postId];
-                renderApprovedPosts(approvedPostsData);
-            });
-    } else {
-        // POST
-        fetch('/api/favorites', {
-            method: 'POST',
-            headers: { 'Content-Type': 'application/json' },
-            body: JSON.stringify(post)
-        }).then(() => {
-            userFavorites[postId] = post;
-            renderApprovedPosts(approvedPostsData);
-        });
-    }
-}
-
-function toggleContent(idx) {
-    const el = document.getElementById(`content-${idx}`);
-    const btn = el.nextElementSibling;
-    const isCollapsed = el.classList.contains('collapsed');
-
-    if (isCollapsed) {
-        el.classList.remove('collapsed');
-        btn.innerText = "Show Less ↑";
-    } else {
-        el.classList.add('collapsed');
-        btn.innerText = "Show More ↓";
-        el.closest('.approved-card').scrollIntoView({ behavior: 'smooth', block: 'nearest' });
-    }
-}
+    currentCuration.description = data.criteria || data.query;
+    currentCuration.results = data.results;
 
-function escapeHtml(text) {
-    const div = document.createElement('div');
-    div.textContent = text;
-    return div.innerHTML;
-}
-
-function exportResults() {
-    if (!approvedPostsData || approvedPostsData.length === 0) {
-        alert('No results to export!');
-        return;
-    }
-
-    // Create formatted export
-    const timestamp = new Date().toISOString().split('T')[0];
-    let exportText = `Reddit Curator Results - ${timestamp}\n`;
-    exportText += '=====================================\n\n';
-
-    approvedPostsData.forEach((post, index) => {
-        exportText += `${index + 1}. [${post.sub}] Score: ${post.score}\n`;
-        exportText += `   Title: ${post.title}\n`;
-        exportText += `   URL: ${post.url}\n`;
-        exportText += `   ID: ${post.id}\n`;
-        exportText += '\n-------------------------------------\n\n';
-    });
+    document.getElementById('curation-setup').style.display = 'none';
+    document.getElementById('pipeline-status').style.display = 'none';
 
-    // Create and download file
-    const blob = new Blob([exportText], { type: 'text/plain;charset=utf-8' });
-    const url = URL.createObjectURL(blob);
-    const a = document.createElement('a');
-    a.href = url;
-    a.download = `reddit-curator-results-${timestamp}.txt`;
-    document.body.appendChild(a);
-    a.click();
-    document.body.removeChild(a);
-    URL.revokeObjectURL(url);
+    finalizeResults(data.results);
+    document.getElementById('results-title').innerText = "History Result";
 }
diff --git a/static/style.css b/static/style.css
index 9446a9b..c976ec2 100644
--- a/static/style.css
+++ b/static/style.css
@@ -1,779 +1,406 @@
 body {
-    background-color: #121212;
-    color: #e0e0e0;
-    font-family: 'Segoe UI', sans-serif;
-    padding: 20px;
-    max-width: 900px;
-    margin: 0 auto;
-}
-
-h1 {
-    display: flex;
-    justify-content: center;
-    align-items: center;
-    position: relative;
-    color: #4da6ff;
-    text-align: center;
-    margin-bottom: 30px;
-}
-
-.btn-history-toggle {
-    position: absolute;
-    right: 0;
-    top: 0;
-    background: #2d2d2d;
-    border: 1px solid #444;
-    color: #aaa;
-    padding: 8px 15px;
-    border-radius: 6px;
-    cursor: pointer;
-    font-size: 0.9em;
-    display: flex;
-    align-items: center;
-    gap: 8px;
-}
-
-.btn-history-toggle:hover {
-    background: #333;
-    color: #fff;
-}
-
-/* SIDE PANEL (Blacklist/History) */
-#side-panel {
-    position: fixed;
-    top: 0;
-    right: -450px;
-    /* Hidden by default */
-    width: 400px;
-    height: 100vh;
-    background: #1a1a1a;
-    border-left: 1px solid #333;
-    box-shadow: -5px 0 15px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.5);
-    transition: right 0.3s ease-in-out;
-    z-index: 1000;
-    display: flex;
-    flex-direction: column;
+    background-color: #0f1115;
+    color: #e2e8f0;
+    font-family: 'Inter', -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, sans-serif;
+    padding: 0;
+    margin: 0;
+    line-height: 1.5;
 }
 
-#side-panel.open {
-    right: 0;
+.container {
+    max-width: 1000px;
+    margin: 0 auto;
+    padding: 40px 20px;
 }
 
-.panel-header {
-    padding: 20px;
-    border-bottom: 1px solid #333;
+/* --- HEADER --- */
+header {
     display: flex;
     justify-content: space-between;
     align-items: center;
-    background: #121212;
+    margin-bottom: 40px;
 }
 
-.panel-header h2 {
+h1 {
+    font-size: 1.8rem;
+    font-weight: 800;
+    color: #f8fafc;
     margin: 0;
-    font-size: 1.2em;
-    color: #fff;
-}
-
-.panel-content {
-    flex: 1;
-    overflow-y: auto;
-    padding: 15px;
-}
-
-.history-card {
-    background: #252525;
-    border: 1px solid #333;
-    padding: 12px;
-    border-radius: 6px;
-    margin-bottom: 12px;
-    font-size: 0.9em;
-}
-
-.history-card h4 {
-    margin: 0 0 5px 0;
-    color: #ddd;
-    font-size: 1em;
-}
-
-.history-card .meta-tag {
-    display: block;
-    font-size: 0.8em;
-    color: #888;
-    margin-top: 5px;
-    background: #1a1a1a;
-    padding: 4px;
-    border-radius: 4px;
-}
-
-.history-card a {
-    color: #4da6ff;
-    text-decoration: none;
-}
-
-/* Overlay to close panel */
-#panel-overlay {
-    position: fixed;
-    top: 0;
-    left: 0;
-    width: 100%;
-    height: 100%;
-    background: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.5);
-    z-index: 999;
-    display: none;
-}
-
-#panel-overlay.show {
-    display: block;
-}
-
-/* Mobile Responsiveness for Panel */
-@media (max-width: 600px) {
-    #side-panel {
-        width: 85%;
-        right: -90%;
-    }
-
-    #side-panel.open {
-        right: 0;
-    }
-}
-
-/* Layout */
-.container {
     display: flex;
-    flex-direction: column;
-    gap: 20px;
+    align-items: center;
+    gap: 12px;
 }
 
+/* --- BOXES & CARDS --- */
 .box {
-    background: #1e1e1e;
-    padding: 20px;
+    background: #1a1f26;
+    border: 1px solid #2d3748;
     border-radius: 12px;
-    border: 1px solid #333;
-    box-shadow: 0 4px 6px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3);
+    padding: 24px;
+    margin-bottom: 24px;
+    box-shadow: 0 4px 6px -1px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.1), 0 2px 4px -1px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.06);
 }
 
-/* Inputs */
-label {
-    display: block;
-    margin-bottom: 8px;
-    color: #aaa;
-    font-size: 0.9em;
-    font-weight: 600;
-}
-
-input,
-textarea,
-select {
-    width: 100%;
-    background: #2d2d2d;
-    border: 1px solid #444;
-    color: #fff;
-    padding: 12px;
-    border-radius: 6px;
-    box-sizing: border-box;
-    font-size: 1em;
-    transition: border 0.2s;
-}
-
-input:focus,
-textarea:focus {
-    border-color: #4da6ff;
-    outline: none;
-}
-
-/* Toolbar Buttons */
-.toolbar {
+.box-title {
+    font-size: 0.875rem;
+    font-weight: 700;
+    color: #94a3b8;
+    text-transform: uppercase;
+    letter-spacing: 0.05em;
+    margin-bottom: 16px;
     display: flex;
+    align-items: center;
     gap: 8px;
-    margin-bottom: 10px;
-    flex-wrap: wrap;
-}
-
-.tool-btn {
-    background: #333;
-    color: #fff;
-    border: 1px solid #555;
-    padding: 8px 15px;
-    border-radius: 20px;
-    cursor: pointer;
-    font-size: 0.9em;
-    transition: background 0.2s;
-}
-
-.tool-btn:hover {
-    background: #4da6ff;
-    border-color: #4da6ff;
-}
-
-.tool-btn.orange {
-    border-color: #d98d3b;
-    color: #d98d3b;
-}
-
-.tool-btn.orange:hover {
-    background: #d98d3b;
-    color: #fff;
-}
-
-.tool-btn.red {
-    border-color: #ff4d4d;
-    color: #ff4d4d;
-    margin-left: auto;
-}
-
-.tool-btn.red:hover {
-    background: #ff4d4d;
-    color: white;
-}
-
-/* Preview Box */
-#combo-preview {
-    margin-top: 10px;
-    background: #151515;
-    border: 1px solid #333;
-    border-radius: 6px;
-    padding: 10px;
-    font-family: monospace;
-    font-size: 0.9em;
-    color: #76dba9;
-    max-height: 150px;
-    overflow-y: auto;
 }
 
-.preview-item {
-    border-bottom: 1px solid #222;
-    padding: 4px 0;
-}
-
-.preview-item:last-child {
-    border-bottom: none;
-}
-
-.preview-label {
-    color: #888;
-    font-size: 0.8em;
-    display: block;
-    margin-top: 10px;
-    margin-bottom: 5px;
-}
-
-/* Main Action Button */
-.scan-btn {
-    width: 100%;
-    background: linear-gradient(135deg, #4da6ff, #2b7bd6);
-    color: white;
-    border: none;
-    padding: 15px;
+/* --- INPUTS --- */
+input, textarea, select {
+    background: #0f172a;
+    border: 1px solid #334155;
+    color: #f1f5f9;
+    padding: 12px 16px;
     border-radius: 8px;
-    font-size: 1.1em;
-    font-weight: bold;
-    cursor: pointer;
-    margin-top: 15px;
-}
-
-.scan-btn:hover {
-    opacity: 0.9;
+    font-size: 0.95rem;
+    width: 100%;
+    transition: all 0.2s;
 }
 
-.scan-btn:disabled {
-    background: #444;
-    cursor: not-allowed;
-    opacity: 0.7;
+input:focus, textarea:focus, select:focus {
+    outline: none;
+    border-color: #3b82f6;
+    box-shadow: 0 0 0 3px rgba(59, 130, 246, 0.2);
 }
 
-/* Logs */
-#logs {
-    height: 250px;
-    overflow-y: auto;
-    font-family: 'Consolas', monospace;
-    font-size: 0.85em;
-    background: #0a0a0a;
-    border: 1px solid #333;
-    padding: 15px;
-    color: #ddd;
-    white-space: pre-wrap;
-    border-radius: 6px;
-}
-
-/* Results Cards */
-.card {
-    background: #1e1e1e;
-    border: 1px solid #444;
-    margin-top: 20px;
-    padding: 20px;
+/* --- BUTTONS --- */
+.btn {
+    display: inline-flex;
+    align-items: center;
+    justify-content: center;
+    padding: 10px 20px;
     border-radius: 8px;
+    font-weight: 600;
+    cursor: pointer;
+    transition: all 0.2s;
+    border: 1px solid transparent;
+    gap: 8px;
+    white-space: nowrap;
 }
 
-.card h3 {
-    margin-top: 0;
-    color: #fff;
-}
-
-.meta {
-    font-size: 0.85em;
-    color: #888;
-    display: block;
-    margin-bottom: 10px;
-}
-
-.meta a {
-    color: #4da6ff;
-    text-decoration: none;
-}
-
-.meta a:hover {
-    text-decoration: underline;
+.btn-primary {
+    background: #3b82f6;
+    color: white;
 }
+.btn-primary:hover { background: #2563eb; }
 
-.body-text {
-    white-space: pre-wrap;
-    color: #ccc;
-    line-height: 1.5;
+.btn-secondary {
+    background: #334155;
+    color: #f1f5f9;
 }
+.btn-secondary:hover { background: #1e293b; }
 
-/* The container for all groups */
-#builder-container {
-    display: flex;
-    flex-direction: column;
-    gap: 15px;
-    margin-bottom: 15px;
-}
-
-/* An individual AND Group (The Box) */
-.query-group {
-    background: #181818;
-    border: 1px solid #333;
-    border-left: 4px solid #4da6ff;
-    /* Blue accent for AND */
-    border-radius: 6px;
-    padding: 15px;
-    position: relative;
+.btn-outline {
+    background: transparent;
+    border-color: #334155;
+    color: #94a3b8;
 }
+.btn-outline:hover { border-color: #475569; color: #f1f5f9; }
 
-.group-header {
-    display: flex;
-    justify-content: space-between;
-    align-items: center;
-    margin-bottom: 10px;
-    font-size: 0.85em;
-    color: #888;
-    text-transform: uppercase;
-    letter-spacing: 1px;
+.btn-danger {
+    background: rgba(239, 68, 68, 0.1);
+    color: #ef4444;
+    border-color: rgba(239, 68, 68, 0.2);
 }
+.btn-danger:hover { background: #ef4444; color: white; }
 
-/* The rows inside the group */
-.term-row {
+/* --- TABS --- */
+.tabs {
     display: flex;
-    gap: 10px;
-    margin-bottom: 8px;
-    align-items: center;
-}
-
-.term-row input {
-    background: #252525;
-    border: 1px solid #3a3a3a;
-    padding: 8px 12px;
-}
-
-/* Buttons */
-.btn-icon {
-    background: transparent;
-    border: none;
-    cursor: pointer;
-    font-size: 1.2em;
-    padding: 5px;
-    color: #666;
-    transition: color 0.2s;
-}
-
-.btn-icon:hover {
-    color: #ff4d4d;
+    gap: 4px;
+    background: #0f172a;
+    padding: 4px;
+    border-radius: 10px;
+    margin-bottom: 24px;
 }
 
-/* Red on hover */
-
-.btn-add-term {
-    font-size: 0.85em;
-    background: #252525;
-    border: 1px dashed #444;
-    color: #aaa;
-    width: 100%;
+.tab {
+    flex: 1;
     padding: 8px;
-    border-radius: 4px;
-    cursor: pointer;
-}
-
-.btn-add-term:hover {
-    background: #333;
-    color: #fff;
-    border-color: #666;
-}
-
-.btn-add-group {
-    background: #252525;
-    border: 1px solid #444;
-    color: #4da6ff;
-    padding: 12px;
-    width: 100%;
-    border-radius: 6px;
+    text-align: center;
     cursor: pointer;
-    font-weight: bold;
+    border-radius: 7px;
+    font-weight: 600;
+    color: #94a3b8;
+    transition: all 0.2s;
 }
 
-.btn-add-group:hover {
-    background: #333;
+.tab.active {
+    background: #1e293b;
+    color: #3b82f6;
+    box-shadow: 0 1px 3px rgba(0,0,0,0.1);
 }
 
-/* The Preview Box */
-#combo-preview {
-    margin-top: 10px;
-    background: #151515;
-    border: 1px solid #333;
-    border-radius: 6px;
-    padding: 10px;
-    font-family: monospace;
-    font-size: 0.9em;
-    color: #76dba9;
-    max-height: 150px;
-    overflow-y: auto;
+/* --- CURATION WORKFLOW --- */
+.workflow-step {
+    margin-top: 24px;
+    padding-top: 24px;
+    border-top: 1px solid #2d3748;
+    display: none;
+    animation: fadeIn 0.4s ease-out;
 }
 
-.preview-item {
-    border-bottom: 1px solid #222;
-    padding: 4px 0;
+@keyframes fadeIn {
+    from { opacity: 0; transform: translateY(10px); }
+    to { opacity: 1; transform: translateY(0); }
 }
 
-/* ... Previous styles ... */
-
-/* Subreddit Manager */
-.sub-tag {
+.constraint-tag {
     display: inline-flex;
-    align-items: center;
-    background: #2d2d2d;
-    border: 1px solid #444;
-    color: #4da6ff;
-    padding: 5px 10px;
-    border-radius: 15px;
-    font-size: 0.9em;
-    margin-right: 5px;
-    margin-bottom: 5px;
-}
-
-.sub-tag .remove-sub {
-    margin-left: 8px;
-    cursor: pointer;
-    color: #888;
-    font-weight: bold;
-}
-
-.sub-tag .remove-sub:hover {
-    color: #ff4d4d;
-}
-
-/* Explainer Box */
-#logic-explainer {
-    background: #1e2a38;
-    /* Dark blue tint */
-    border-left: 4px solid #4da6ff;
-    padding: 15px;
-    margin-top: 15px;
-    border-radius: 4px;
-    font-size: 0.95em;
-    line-height: 1.5;
-    color: #cfd8dc;
-}
-
-#logic-explainer strong {
-    color: #fff;
-}
-
-/* --- UI FIXES & NEW STYLES --- */
-
-/* Fix for Deep Scan Alignment */
-.checkbox-wrapper {
-    display: flex;
-    align-items: center;
-    height: 42px;
-    /* Matches input height */
-    background: #2d2d2d;
-    border: 1px solid #444;
-    border-radius: 6px;
-    padding: 0 12px;
-    cursor: pointer;
-}
-
-.checkbox-wrapper:hover {
-    border-color: #666;
-}
-
-.checkbox-wrapper input {
-    width: 18px;
-    height: 18px;
-    margin: 0;
-    margin-right: 10px;
-    cursor: pointer;
-}
-
-.checkbox-wrapper span {
-    color: #e0e0e0;
-    font-size: 0.95em;
-}
-
-/* Discovery Mode Styles */
-.discovery-grid {
-    display: grid;
-    grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fill, minmax(250px, 1fr));
-    gap: 15px;
-    margin-top: 20px;
-}
-
-.sub-card {
-    background: #15191f;
-    border: 1px solid #333;
+    flex-direction: column;
+    background: rgba(59, 130, 246, 0.1);
+    border: 1px solid rgba(59, 130, 246, 0.2);
+    padding: 8px 12px;
     border-radius: 8px;
-    padding: 15px;
-    transition: transform 0.2s;
-}
-
-.sub-card:hover {
-    border-color: #4da6ff;
+    margin-right: 8px;
+    margin-bottom: 8px;
 }
 
-.sub-card h4 {
-    margin: 0 0 5px 0;
-    color: #4da6ff;
+.constraint-theme {
+    font-size: 0.7rem;
+    text-transform: uppercase;
+    color: #3b82f6;
+    font-weight: 700;
 }
 
-.sub-card p {
-    font-size: 0.85em;
-    color: #aaa;
-    margin: 5px 0 10px 0;
-    line-height: 1.4;
+.constraint-desc {
+    font-size: 0.9rem;
+    color: #e2e8f0;
 }
 
-.sub-card .stats {
-    font-size: 0.8em;
-    color: #666;
-    margin-bottom: 10px;
-    display: block;
+/* --- TOURNAMENT --- */
+.tournament-grid {
+    display: grid;
+    grid-template-columns: 1fr;
+    gap: 12px;
+    margin-top: 16px;
 }
 
-.btn-add-sub {
-    width: 100%;
-    padding: 8px;
-    background: #2d2d2d;
-    border: 1px solid #444;
-    color: #fff;
-    border-radius: 4px;
-    cursor: pointer;
+.variant-card {
+    background: #0f172a;
+    border: 1px solid #334155;
+    border-radius: 10px;
+    padding: 16px;
+    position: relative;
+    overflow: hidden;
+    transition: all 0.3s;
 }
 
-.btn-add-sub:hover {
-    background: #4da6ff;
-    border-color: #4da6ff;
+.variant-card.winner {
+    border-color: #10b981;
+    background: rgba(16, 185, 129, 0.05);
 }
 
-/* Tabs for switching modes */
-.mode-tabs {
+.variant-header {
     display: flex;
-    gap: 10px;
-    margin-bottom: 15px;
-    border-bottom: 1px solid #333;
-    padding-bottom: 10px;
+    justify-content: space-between;
+    margin-bottom: 8px;
 }
 
-.tab-btn {
-    background: transparent;
-    border: none;
-    color: #888;
-    padding: 10px 20px;
-    cursor: pointer;
-    font-weight: bold;
-    font-size: 1em;
+.variant-type {
+    font-size: 0.75rem;
+    font-weight: 700;
+    color: #64748b;
 }
 
-.tab-btn.active {
-    color: #4da6ff;
-    border-bottom: 2px solid #4da6ff;
+.variant-query {
+    font-family: 'JetBrains Mono', 'Fira Code', monospace;
+    font-size: 0.85rem;
+    color: #94a3b8;
+    white-space: nowrap;
+    overflow: hidden;
+    text-overflow: ellipsis;
 }
 
-.tab-btn:hover {
-    color: #fff;
+.variant-stats {
+    display: flex;
+    gap: 16px;
+    margin-top: 12px;
 }
 
-/* Approved Posts Results */
-.results-header {
+.stat-item {
     display: flex;
-    align-items: center;
-    margin-bottom: 15px;
+    flex-direction: column;
 }
 
-.results-header h3 {
-    margin: 0;
-    color: #10b981;
-}
+.stat-val { font-weight: 700; color: #f1f5f9; font-size: 1.1rem; }
+.stat-label { font-size: 0.7rem; color: #64748b; text-transform: uppercase; }
 
-.btn-export {
-    padding: 8px 16px;
-    border: none;
-    border-radius: 4px;
-    cursor: pointer;
-    font-size: 14px;
-    color: white;
-    transition: background 0.2s;
+.progress-bar-bg {
+    height: 4px;
+    background: #1e293b;
+    border-radius: 2px;
+    margin-top: 12px;
 }
 
-.btn-export:hover {
-    background: #059669 !important;
+.progress-bar-fill {
+    height: 100%;
+    background: #3b82f6;
+    border-radius: 2px;
+    width: 0%;
+    transition: width 1s ease-out;
 }
 
-.approved-posts {
-    display: flex;
-    flex-direction: column;
-    gap: 10px;
+/* --- PIPELINE LOGS --- */
+#logs-container {
+    height: 300px;
+    overflow-y: auto;
+    background: #020617;
+    border-radius: 8px;
+    padding: 16px;
+    font-family: 'JetBrains Mono', monospace;
+    font-size: 0.85rem;
+    color: #94a3b8;
+    border: 1px solid #1e293b;
 }
 
-.approved-card {
-    background: #1a1f2e;
+.log-entry { margin-bottom: 4px; }
+.log-entry.success { color: #10b981; }
+.log-entry.info { color: #3b82f6; }
+.log-entry.warning { color: #f59e0b; }
+
+/* --- RESULTS LIST --- */
+.post-card {
+    background: #1a1f26;
     border: 1px solid #2d3748;
-    border-radius: 8px;
-    padding: 15px;
-    transition: border-color 0.2s;
+    border-radius: 12px;
+    padding: 20px;
+    margin-bottom: 16px;
+    transition: all 0.2s;
 }
 
-.approved-card:hover {
-    border-color: #4da6ff;
+.post-card:hover {
+    border-color: #3b82f6;
+    transform: translateY(-2px);
 }
 
-.approved-header {
+.post-header {
     display: flex;
     justify-content: space-between;
-    align-items: center;
-    margin-bottom: 8px;
+    align-items: flex-start;
+    margin-bottom: 12px;
 }
 
-.sub-tag {
+.post-sub {
     background: #2d3748;
-    color: #a0aec0;
-    padding: 3px 8px;
-    border-radius: 4px;
-    font-size: 12px;
-}
-
-.score-tag {
-    padding: 3px 8px;
+    color: #94a3b8;
+    padding: 2px 8px;
     border-radius: 4px;
-    font-size: 12px;
-    font-weight: bold;
-}
-
-.score-high {
-    background: #10b981;
-    color: white;
-}
-
-.score-medium {
-    background: #f59e0b;
-    color: white;
+    font-size: 0.75rem;
+    font-weight: 600;
 }
 
-.score-low {
-    background: #6b7280;
-    color: white;
+.post-score {
+    font-weight: 800;
+    font-size: 1.1rem;
+    color: #10b981;
 }
 
-.approved-card h4 {
-    margin: 0 0 8px 0;
-    font-size: 16px;
+.post-title {
+    font-size: 1.1rem;
+    font-weight: 600;
+    margin: 0 0 12px 0;
+    color: #f1f5f9;
 }
 
-.approved-card h4 a {
-    color: #4da6ff;
+.post-title a {
+    color: inherit;
     text-decoration: none;
 }
+.post-title a:hover { color: #3b82f6; }
 
-.approved-card h4 a:hover {
-    text-decoration: underline;
-}
-
-.approved-meta {
-    color: #6b7280;
-    font-size: 12px;
-}
-
-.approved-content {
-    color: #a0aec0;
-    font-size: 13.5px;
-    margin: 8px 0;
+.post-content {
+    font-size: 0.95rem;
+    color: #94a3b8;
     line-height: 1.6;
-    white-space: pre-wrap;
-    overflow-wrap: break-word;
-}
-
-.approved-content.collapsed {
-    max-height: 120px;
+    display: -webkit-box;
+    -webkit-line-clamp: 3;
+    -webkit-box-orient: vertical;
     overflow: hidden;
-    position: relative;
-    mask-image: linear-gradient(to bottom, black 50%, transparent 100%);
 }
 
-.show-toggle {
-    background: none;
-    border: none;
-    color: #4da6ff;
-    cursor: pointer;
-    font-size: 0.85em;
-    padding: 5px 0;
-    font-weight: 600;
+.post-content.expanded {
     display: block;
+    -webkit-line-clamp: unset;
 }
 
-.show-toggle:hover {
-    text-decoration: underline;
-}
-
-.tag-list {
+/* --- SIDEBAR PANEL --- */
+#side-panel {
+    position: fixed;
+    top: 0;
+    right: -420px;
+    width: 400px;
+    height: 100vh;
+    background: #0f172a;
+    border-left: 1px solid #1e293b;
+    z-index: 1000;
+    transition: right 0.3s cubic-bezier(0.4, 0, 0.2, 1);
     display: flex;
-    flex-wrap: wrap;
-    gap: 6px;
-    margin-top: 10px;
-    padding-top: 10px;
-    border-top: 1px solid #2d3748;
+    flex-direction: column;
 }
 
-.tag-pill {
-    font-size: 0.75em;
-    padding: 2px 8px;
-    border-radius: 10px;
-    background: rgba(77, 166, 255, 0.1);
-    border: 1px solid rgba(77, 166, 255, 0.3);
-    color: #4da6ff;
+#side-panel.open { right: 0; }
+
+.panel-header {
+    padding: 24px;
+    border-bottom: 1px solid #1e293b;
+    display: flex;
+    justify-content: space-between;
+    align-items: center;
 }
 
-.post-date {
-    font-size: 12px;
-    color: #718096;
-    margin-bottom: 5px;
+.panel-body {
+    flex: 1;
+    overflow-y: auto;
+    padding: 24px;
 }
 
-.fav-btn {
-    background: none;
-    border: none;
-    color: #4a5568;
+.history-item {
+    background: #1a1f26;
+    border: 1px solid #2d3748;
+    border-radius: 10px;
+    padding: 16px;
+    margin-bottom: 12px;
     cursor: pointer;
-    font-size: 1.2rem;
-    padding: 5px;
     transition: all 0.2s;
-    line-height: 1;
 }
 
-.fav-btn:hover {
-    color: #ed8936;
-    transform: scale(1.2);
+.history-item:hover {
+    border-color: #3b82f6;
+    background: #1e293b;
 }
 
-.fav-btn.active {
-    color: #ecc94b;
-    filter: drop-shadow(0 0 2px rgba(236, 201, 75, 0.5));
-}
\ No newline at end of file
+.history-date { font-size: 0.7rem; color: #64748b; margin-bottom: 4px; }
+.history-query { font-size: 0.9rem; font-weight: 600; color: #e2e8f0; margin-bottom: 8px; }
+.history-stats { font-size: 0.75rem; color: #94a3b8; display: flex; gap: 12px; }
+
+/* --- OVERLAY --- */
+#overlay {
+    position: fixed;
+    top: 0;
+    left: 0;
+    width: 100%;
+    height: 100%;
+    background: rgba(0,0,0,0.5);
+    backdrop-filter: blur(4px);
+    z-index: 999;
+    display: none;
+}
+
+#overlay.show { display: block; }
+
+/* --- ANIMATIONS --- */
+@keyframes pulse {
+    0% { opacity: 1; }
+    50% { opacity: 0.5; }
+    100% { opacity: 1; }
+}
+.loading-pulse { animation: pulse 1.5s infinite; }
diff --git a/templates/index.html b/templates/index.html
index 66b9565..69d3556 100644
--- a/templates/index.html
+++ b/templates/index.html
@@ -1,181 +1,128 @@
 <!DOCTYPE html>
-<html>
+<html lang="en">
 <head>
+    <meta charset="UTF-8">
+    <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
     <title>Reddit AI Curator</title>
-    <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1">
     <link rel="stylesheet" href="{{ url_for('static', filename='style.css') }}">
+    <link rel="stylesheet" href="https://cdnjs.cloudflare.com/ajax/libs/font-awesome/6.4.0/css/all.min.css">
 </head>
 <body>
+
+    <div id="overlay" onclick="toggleHistory()"></div>
     
-    <div id="panel-overlay" onclick="toggleHistoryPanel()"></div>
     <div id="side-panel">
         <div class="panel-header">
-            <h2>📜 History</h2>
-            <button class="btn-icon" onclick="toggleHistoryPanel()">&times;</button>
+            <h2 style="margin:0; font-size:1.2rem;">📜 History</h2>
+            <button class="btn btn-outline" onclick="toggleHistory()"><i class="fa-solid fa-xmark"></i></button>
         </div>
-        <div style="padding: 10px; border-bottom: 1px solid #333; display: flex; gap: 10px;">
-             <button class="tool-btn" onclick="fetchHistory()" style="flex:1">Refresh</button>
-             <button class="tool-btn red" onclick="clearHistory()" style="flex:1">Clear All</button>
+        <div class="panel-body" id="history-container">
+            <!-- History items will be injected here -->
         </div>
-        <div class="panel-content" id="history-list"></div>
     </div>
 
     <div class="container">
-        <h1>
-            🤖 Reddit AI Curator
-            <button class="btn-history-toggle" onclick="toggleHistoryPanel()"><span>📜 History</span></button>
-        </h1>
-        
-        <div class="box" style="border-left: 4px solid #76dba9;">
-            <label style="color: #76dba9;">📂 Saved Searches</label>
-            <div style="display: flex; gap: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">
-                <select id="saved-list"><option value="">-- Select a Preset --</option></select>
-                <button class="tool-btn" onclick="loadSelectedQuery()">Load</button>
-                <button class="tool-btn red" onclick="deleteSelectedQuery()">Delete</button>
-            </div>
-            <div style="display: flex; gap: 10px; margin-top: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #333; padding-top: 15px;">
-                <input type="text" id="save-name" placeholder="Name this search">
-                <button class="tool-btn orange" onclick="saveCurrentQuery()">Save Current</button>
-            </div>
-        </div>
+        <header>
+            <h1><i class="fa-solid fa-robot" style="color:#3b82f6;"></i> Reddit AI Curator</h1>
+            <button class="btn btn-secondary" onclick="toggleHistory()">
+                <i class="fa-solid fa-clock-rotate-left"></i> History
+            </button>
+        </header>
 
-        <div class="box">
-            <div class="mode-tabs">
-                <button class="tab-btn active" onclick="switchMode('curator')" id="btn-mode-curator">🚀 Post Curator</button>
-                <button class="tab-btn" onclick="switchMode('discovery')" id="btn-mode-discovery">🌍 Subreddit Discovery</button>
-            </div>
-
-            <!-- NEW: AI GENERATOR -->
-            <div style="background: #1a1f26; padding: 15px; border-radius: 6px; margin-bottom: 20px; border: 1px dashed #4da6ff;">
-                <label style="color: #4da6ff;">✨ AI Query Generator</label>
-                <div style="display: flex; gap: 10px; margin-top: 5px;">
-                    <input type="text" id="ai-gen-input" placeholder="Describe what you want (e.g. 'Women pretending to sleep while friends laugh')...">
-                    <button class="tool-btn" onclick="generateAIQuery()" style="width: auto; white-space: nowrap;">Generate Logic</button>
+        <main>
+            <!-- TOP CONTROLS -->
+            <div class="box">
+                <div class="box-title"><i class="fa-solid fa-magnifying-glass"></i> AI Query Generator</div>
+                <div style="display:flex; gap:12px; margin-bottom:16px;">
+                    <input type="text" id="description-input" placeholder="What are you looking for? (e.g., 'Astronaut conspiracy theories')">
+                    <button class="btn btn-primary" onclick="initCuration()" id="init-btn">
+                        <i class="fa-solid fa-wand-magic-sparkles"></i> Generate Logic
+                    </button>
                 </div>
-            </div>
 
-            <!-- NEW: RAW QUERY INPUT -->
-            <label>Raw Search Query (Editable)</label>
-            <textarea id="raw-query-input" rows="2" placeholder="(A OR B) AND (C OR D)" style="font-family: monospace; color: #76dba9;" oninput="syncRawToBuilder()"></textarea>
-
-            <label style="margin-top: 15px;">Visual Builder</label>
-            <div id="builder-container"></div>
-            <button class="btn-add-group" onclick="addNewGroup()">+ Add "AND" Group</button>
-            
-            <div style="margin-top: 10px; margin-bottom: 20px;">
-                <span class="meta" style="margin-bottom:5px;">Live Logic Preview:</span>
-                <div id="combo-preview">Add groups...</div>
-            </div>
-            
-            <hr style="border-color: #333; margin: 20px 0;">
+                <!-- STEP 1: PRE-SCAN VIEW (Initially hidden) -->
+                <div id="curation-setup" class="workflow-step">
+                    <div style="margin-bottom:20px;">
+                        <label class="box-title" style="margin-bottom:8px;"><i class="fa-solid fa-lock"></i> Mandatory Constraints</label>
+                        <div id="constraints-list" style="display:flex; flex-wrap:wrap;"></div>
+                    </div>
 
-            <div id="mode-curator">
-                <label>📢 Target Subreddits</label>
-                <div id="sub-list-container" style="margin-bottom: 10px;"></div>
-                <div style="display: flex; gap: 10px; margin-bottom: 20px;">
-                    <input type="text" id="new-sub-input" placeholder="Add subreddit" onkeypress="handleSubInputKey(event)">
-                    <button class="tool-btn" onclick="addSubreddit()" style="width: auto;">Add</button>
-                </div>
+                    <div style="margin-bottom:20px;">
+                        <label class="box-title" style="margin-bottom:8px;"><i class="fa-solid fa-code-branch"></i> Query Variations</label>
+                        <div id="variations-preview" class="tournament-grid"></div>
+                    </div>
 
-                <!-- FILTERS -->
-                <div style="background: #252525; padding: 15px; border-radius: 6px; margin-bottom: 15px; border: 1px solid #444;">
-                    <label style="color: #ffb74d; margin-bottom: 15px;">🔍 Search Filters</label>
-                    <div style="display: flex; gap: 15px; flex-wrap: wrap;">
-                        <div style="flex: 1; min-width: 120px;">
-                            <label>Sort By</label>
-                            <select id="sort_by" onchange="toggleTimeFilter()">
-                                <option value="new">New (Date)</option>
-                                <option value="relevance">Relevance</option>
-                                <option value="top">Top (Upvotes)</option>
-                                <option value="hot">Hot</option>
-                            </select>
-                        </div>
-                        <div style="flex: 1; min-width: 120px; opacity: 0.5;" id="time_filter_container">
-                            <label>Time Range</label>
-                            <select id="time_filter" disabled>
-                                <option value="all">All Time</option>
-                                <option value="year">Past Year</option>
-                                <option value="month">Past Month</option>
-                                <option value="week">Past Week</option>
-                                <option value="day">Past 24h</option>
-                            </select>
-                        </div>
-                        <div style="flex: 1; min-width: 120px;">
-                            <label>Post Type</label>
-                            <select id="post_type">
-                                <option value="any">Any</option>
-                                <option value="text">Text Only</option>
-                                <option value="media">Media/Links Only</option>
-                            </select>
+                    <div style="display:flex; justify-content:space-between; align-items:flex-end; gap:20px;">
+                        <div style="flex:1;">
+                            <label class="box-title" style="margin-bottom:8px;"><i class="fa-solid fa-gear"></i> Subreddits</label>
+                            <input type="text" id="subs-input" placeholder="r/space, r/conspiracy...">
                         </div>
+                        <button class="btn btn-primary" style="padding:14px 40px; font-size:1.1rem;" onclick="startPipeline()">
+                            <i class="fa-solid fa-rocket"></i> Launch Pipeline
+                        </button>
                     </div>
                 </div>
+            </div>
 
-                <div style="background: #252525; padding: 15px; border-radius: 6px;">
-                    <label style="color: #4da6ff; margin-bottom: 15px;">🎯 Search Strategy</label>
-                    <div style="display: flex; gap: 20px; flex-wrap: wrap; margin-bottom: 15px;">
-                        <div style="flex: 1; min-width: 150px;">
-                            <label>Candidates Wanted</label>
-                            <input type="number" id="target_posts" value="20" oninput="updateExplainer()">
-                        </div>
-                        <div style="flex: 1; min-width: 150px;">
-                            <label>Search Depth</label>
-                            <label class="checkbox-wrapper" for="deep_scan">
-                                <input type="checkbox" id="deep_scan" onchange="updateExplainer()">
-                                <span>Deep Scan (Unlimited)</span>
-                            </label>
+            <!-- STEP 2: LIVE PIPELINE (Initially hidden) -->
+            <div id="pipeline-status" class="workflow-step">
+                <div class="box">
+                    <div class="box-title" id="pipeline-title">🚀 Search Pipeline Active</div>
+
+                    <!-- Tournament View -->
+                    <div id="tournament-view" style="margin-bottom:24px;">
+                        <div class="box-title" style="font-size:0.75rem; color:#64748b;">Tournament Progress</div>
+                        <div id="tournament-results" class="tournament-grid"></div>
+                    </div>
+
+                    <!-- Pass Info -->
+                    <div id="pass-info" style="margin-bottom:16px; display:none;">
+                        <div style="display:flex; justify-content:space-between; align-items:center; background:#0f172a; padding:12px 16px; border-radius:8px; border:1px solid #1e293b;">
+                            <div>
+                                <div style="font-size:0.7rem; color:#64748b; text-transform:uppercase;">Current Pass</div>
+                                <div id="current-query" style="font-family:monospace; font-size:0.85rem; color:#3b82f6;"></div>
+                            </div>
+                            <div style="text-align:right;">
+                                <div id="current-sort" style="font-weight:700; color:#f1f5f9;">NEW</div>
+                                <div id="current-limit" style="font-size:0.75rem; color:#64748b;">limit: 100/sub</div>
+                            </div>
                         </div>
                     </div>
-                    <div style="display: flex; gap: 20px; flex-wrap: wrap;">
-                        <div style="flex: 1;">
-                            <label>AI Chunk Size</label>
-                            <input type="number" id="ai_chunk" value="5" oninput="updateExplainer()">
+
+                    <!-- Stats Counters -->
+                    <div style="display:grid; grid-template-columns: repeat(4, 1fr); gap:12px; margin-bottom:16px;">
+                        <div class="box" style="padding:12px; margin:0; text-align:center; border-color:#334155;">
+                            <div class="stat-label">Fetched</div>
+                            <div class="stat-val" id="stat-fetched">0</div>
                         </div>
-                        <div style="flex: 1;">
-                            <label>Manual Limit</label>
-                            <input type="number" id="scan_limit" value="100" oninput="updateExplainer()">
+                        <div class="box" style="padding:12px; margin:0; text-align:center; border-color:#334155;">
+                            <div class="stat-label">Analyzed</div>
+                            <div class="stat-val" id="stat-analyzed">0</div>
                         </div>
-                    </div>
-                    <div style="margin-top: 15px; padding-top: 10px; border-top: 1px solid #333;">
-                        <div style="display: flex; align-items: center;">
-                            <input type="checkbox" id="debug_mode" style="width: 16px; height: 16px; margin-right: 8px;">
-                            <span style="color: #aaa; font-size: 0.9em;">Debug Mode</span>
+                        <div class="box" style="padding:12px; margin:0; text-align:center; border-color:#10b981;">
+                            <div class="stat-label" style="color:#10b981;">Approved</div>
+                            <div class="stat-val" style="color:#10b981;" id="stat-approved">0</div>
+                        </div>
+                        <div class="box" style="padding:12px; margin:0; text-align:center; border-color:#ef4444;">
+                            <div class="stat-label" style="color:#ef4444;">Target</div>
+                            <div class="stat-val" style="color:#ef4444;" id="target-posts-val">10</div>
                         </div>
                     </div>
-                    <div id="logic-explainer" style="margin-top:15px;">Loading...</div>
-                    <div style="margin-top: 15px;">
-                         <label>AI Criteria</label>
-                         <textarea id="criteria" rows="2" placeholder="Example: I want technical tutorials..."></textarea>
-                    </div>
-                    <div style="margin-top: 15px;">
-                        <label>Provider</label>
-                        <select id="provider">
-                            <option value="mistral">Mistral</option>
-                            <option value="gemini">Gemini</option>
-                        </select>
-                    </div>
+
+                    <div id="logs-container"></div>
                 </div>
-                <button class="scan-btn" onclick="startScan()">🚀 Start Post Scan</button>
             </div>
 
-            <div id="mode-discovery" style="display: none;">
-                <div style="background: #252525; padding: 15px; border-radius: 6px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
-                    <label>Max Subreddits</label>
-                    <input type="number" id="disc_limit" value="10">
-                    <label style="margin-top: 15px;">AI Filter</label>
-                    <textarea id="disc_criteria" rows="2"></textarea>
+            <!-- RESULTS LIST -->
+            <div id="results-view" class="workflow-step">
+                <div style="display:flex; justify-content:space-between; align-items:center; margin-bottom:16px;">
+                    <h2 id="results-title" style="margin:0;">Curated Posts</h2>
+                    <div id="results-meta" style="color:#64748b; font-size:0.9rem;"></div>
                 </div>
-                <button class="scan-btn" onclick="startDiscovery()">🌍 Find Subreddits</button>
+                <div id="posts-container"></div>
             </div>
-        </div>
-
-        <div class="box">
-            <label>Live System Logs</label>
-            <div id="logs">Ready.</div>
-        </div>
 
-        <div id="results"></div>
-        <div id="discovery-results" class="discovery-grid"></div>
+        </main>
     </div>
 
     <script src="{{ url_for('static', filename='script.js') }}"></script>