!Utils (NotUtils) 🛠️🚫

Indispensably Useless Tools. Why be productive when you can watch an HTTP cat while the site simulates a nuclear attack?

🏴‍☠️ What is this?

!Utils (pronounced Not Utils) is a web dashboard designed to fill the existential void of a parked domain. It is a collection of JavaScript micro-tools that solve problems you don't have, creating new problems you didn't want.

No heavy frameworks, no complex builds, just pure Vanilla JS and artisanal CSS.

🧰 Feature Set

Here is what you will find in the control panel:

🔐 Security & Privacy (Questionable)

• Insecure Password Generator: Creates "robust" passwords like admin123456 or sequences of repeated numbers.
• Silent Observer: A pair of CSS/JS pupils that follow your mouse cursor. If you leave the window, they start looking around suspiciously and blinking.

⚙️ Negative Productivity

• Lazy Switch: A switch that turns itself off the moment you try to turn it on (and scolds you if you insist).
• Corporate Speak: Generates meaningless management phrases ("Synergize agile frameworks") for your next useless meeting.
• Universal Translator: Translates anything into "Cat Language", "Binary", or "Caveman".

🧠 Wisdom & AI (Low Budget)

• Ask the Oracle: A sarcastic oracle that gives terrible answers to your questions.
• Budget AI: An Artificial Intelligence simulator that pretends to calculate the entropy of the universe only to tell you "42" or "I don't feel like it".
• Useless Facts: Fetches absolutely irrelevant facts from a remote database.

🎭 Entertainment & Discomfort

• Meme Stealer: Steals the freshest memes directly from Reddit.
• GIF Dispenser: An infinite loop of random GIFs (fetched from Reddit).
• Free Random Image: Loads random images from LoremFlickr (cats, dogs, flamingos...).
• Emotional Damage: An insult generator to lower your self-esteem.
• Instant Regret: Generator of "Dad Jokes" (terrible puns).
• Nerd Humor: Jokes that only programmers might understand (and maybe not even them).
• Server Cats (HTTP Cats): Discover server status via cat images (e.g., 404 Cat Not Found).
• I'm Bored: Suggests random activities when you don't know what to do.
• Coin Flip: A rigged coin toss that sometimes loses the coin or defies the laws of physics.

⚠️ Danger Zone

• THE Red Button: It explicitly says "DO NOT PUSH". If you push it... it activates the Meltdown protocol (CSS earthquake, color inversion, system panic logs, and threats to share personal data).

🕵️ Easter Eggs & Hidden Assets

Hidden in the root of the project are special audio files, ready to be used as "motivation" for users (or to scare crawlers). These are screams from a famous Italian teleshopping seller (Wanna Marchi) yelling insults at people to buy slimming products:

• guerra_al_lardo.mp3 ("War on Lard") - For when the code is too heavy.
• sei_aumentata_40_kili.mp3 ("You gained 40 kilos") - Honest feedback on node_modules size.
• lardosa_grassa.mp3 ("Lardy fatty") - Digital body shaming.
• vergogna.mp3 ("Shame") - To play when a test fails.

Note: These files are blocked in robots.txt to prevent Google from indexing the screaming.

🚀 Installation

It's a static site. No npm install. No docker.

1. Clone the repo:

   git clone https://github.com/yabzec/notUtils.git
   

2. Enter the folder:

   cd notutils

3. Launch:
   • Double click on src/index.html.
   • Or use Live Server on VS Code.
   • Or upload it via FTP to your abandoned domain.

📂 Project Structure

├── src/
│   ├── index.html            # The heart of nothingness
│   ├── robots.txt            # Hides the files of shame
│   ├── g..._al_lardo.mp3     # Motivational audio assets
│   ├── scripts/
│   │   ├── utils.js          # Chat logic, typewriter, sleep
│   │   ├── pupils.js         # Eye logic (Math.atan2 powa)
│   │   ├── doNotPush.js      # Self-destruct logic
│   │   ├── httpCat.js        # HTTP Cat API
│   │   ├── insultGenerator.js # Insult API (via proxy)
│   │   └── ... (other useless scripts)
│   └── styles/
│       ├── main.css          # Reset and variables
│       ├── playground.css    # Dashboard layout
│       ├── responsive.css    # Mobile media queries
│       ├── earthquake.css    # Keyframe animations
│       └── elements.css      # Card and button styles
└── README.md

📄 License

Distributed under the WTFPL (Do What The F*ck You Want To Public License).

Disclaimer: No database was actually deleted during the use of the Red Button, and no teleshopping sellers were harmed to obtain the audio files.